Here I am back from my jollies with the Corrie weekly update. I must apologise as before I went away on holiday I said that there’d only be one missing weekly update, but in fact there were two. I’m very sorry to anyone who has been waiting (and emailing me), wondering where on earth the updates have got to. I’m back now, and I’m here and I’m bringing you words from Weatherfield once more.

Now then, you know I love Corrie. I’ve been watching it since I was knee-high to a pint of stout but this week has been somewhat lackluster. Where I normally have a couple of pages of notes I’ve scribbled while watching it, of dialogue and scenes to be shared, this week I have just a few lines, it’s been that dire. Being a Corrie fan is much like supporting your favourite football team. Sometimes they’re in the Premier League and sometimes they’re bottom of the division having scored too many own goals. You wish the players were moved about and some of your favourites brought in from the subs bench. You call for the manager to be sacked. But in your heart, you couldn’t ever change allegiance. You just wish – and hope – that things will turn around. They always do, it’s just a matter of waiting… and so without any further ado here we go with this week’s Coronation Street weekly update.

Emily does her best to bring Sean and Billy the vicar back together again. She hauls Billy to the Rovers on the pretence of speaking to him about the butler auction and bring and buy sale they’re organising. With Billy in the pub, up pops Sean at the bar and Emily forces the two men to speak. "I think the expression is ‘Get Over Yourselves’," Emily tells them. "Sort it out." Let’s hope they do, because Billy the vicar is a joy to behold. Amen.

With the real Gavin dead, Gail conspires with Steph and fake Gavin-Andy to cover all tracks of real Gavin’s National Insurance number ever being on the books at the Bistro. Gail’s embroiled in all sorts of fakery and she’s not best pleased. Keeping the truth from Michael about his fake son being alive and his real son being dead is what it’s all about as Gail fears that if Michael knows what’s gone on, his heart will give out and he’ll croak.

Just when it looks like Gail’s got enough on her plate, in walks grand-daughter Bethany from Milan. Bethany’s 14 now – you can read her back-story here if you’ve forgotten all about her - http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/bethany-platt-life-in-pictures.html
She returns from Milan to Manchester without mum Sarah knowing she’s swanned off and having been expelled from school. Despite living in Italy for the past few years she’s got a Weatherfield accent as big as Salford itself although she did, endearingly, use the Italian word for grandmother when she cuddled up to Gail and told her she’d come back to see her ‘nonna’. A nice, if tiny, nod to the years spent in Italy. Bethany’s full of trouble, a proper little madam, and it’s going to be good to see where this goes.

In the week that Bethany returned, Katy left, flying off to Portugal to live with her mum. She took Joseph with her and Chesney’s upset as you’d expect. Farewell, Katy Armstrong, the girl who deflowered Chesney. May your hair be as shiny in Portugal as it ever was in Weatherfield.

David and Callum go to mediation this week in their battle for Max. David’s mum and Callum’s mum accompany their boys to the session, this was a lovely touch for these two supposedly hard lads who need their mums with them both. Callum’s mum Marion bonds with Gail over the crossword as their lads go to battle for Max.

In the cab office, things are frosty between Steve and Lloyd, with Lloyd still unable to accept the facts of Steve’s depression. Andrea sits on and breaks the Streetcars chair of shame and fixing it brings the lads together again, briefly, before Lloyd leaves Steve sitting in the chair, alone. Where’s Fat Brenda and her biscuits when you need her? Or maybe Emily could pop in and tell them to get over themselves and sort it out.

Kevin leaves little Jack with Jenny when his childminder comes down with chicken-pox. Jenny’s put on the spot when Kev asks her to look after his son, she does it all the same although she’s not right happy. She panics when she thinks Jack might be choking on an onion and she goes into full fright mode. Which of course makes us wonder if something has happened in her past, perhaps with a child of her own, which makes her overly protective of little Jack and so weird in her behaviour with him. There’s a lot more layers to be revealed with Jenny, I feel. Rita’s still giving her the cold shoulder, mind you.

Over at the allotment, Sharif is given the allotment plot that Roy was after and he offers to share it with Roy. While Roy’s happy to have half of the plot to grow his organic veg for the café, he’s not best pleased about the lines of demarcation that Sharif has drawn up.