March 2, 2009
This week the update throws a green shoot through the sludge of winter and warms itself in the spring sunshine. It’s also just returned from spring jollies to the land where statues are dressed in clothes on a Saturday, is eccentric but fun and the beer always great. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you’d like your weekly updates with pictures and fun stuff, have a look here http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Liz limbers up in a skin-tight, stretch-lino sort of a frock for the annual Licensed Victuallers Do. She’s dressed to impress as she wants to get one over on her nemesis from The Three Tuns – Mandy Bennett - and for those who remember her, she’s the Stella Rigby of her day. Let’s just hope we see Mandy in the Rovers one day, casting her beady eye across the bar and putting Liz in her place with a raised eyebrow and a tut. While Liz is out with the licensed ladies who lunch, she doesn’t want to, but has no choice to leave Becky in charge at the bar. So Becky’s running the pub alone and oh, wouldn’t you just know it, that’s the very day that a bus load of heavy metal fans breaks down on the cobbles and the heavies all want pints and pies and loud music on the jukebox. Becky struggles to cope and ends up fighting on the Street with Kelly Crabtree just as Liz slithers back and she’s not best pleased.
She’s even less pleased when Steve tells her that he and Becky have not only named the day, they’ve gone and booked it aswell. Becky’s over the moon but there’s a problem, it’s Friday the 13th and she’s superstitious. She’s also supersonic when Michelle tells her that the engagement ring that Steve’s given her is the one that she picked out for herself. Rings get flung around the Rovers before Steve apologises and tells anyone who’ll listen that Becky’s the girl for him. Well, this week anyroad.
Now then, the last time Rita’s Rs was a source of amusement was back in 1973 (I said Rs, dear, Rs) but they featured heavily this week. Colin decides to decorate a window box for Rita and finds an old metal doings ready for compost and pants. It’s got the letter R on it twice so it could have been nicked from Roys Rolls or the Rovers Return but we’re led to believe that the Rs stand for Rita. Well, it might once have stood but at the age she is now, it’s forgivable to sag. Graeme puts his horticultural knowledge to the test and pots up the windowbox with Hyacinth (var. plasticus recyclii) for Rita’s delectation. Norris isn’t happy, gives Graeme some stick and shakes the lad on his ladder as he’s up at Rita’s window. Graeme responds with some horticultural heckling to Norris who carries on shaking so much that the compost falls from Graeme’s hands and onto Norris’ neck. Norris is shaken and stirred so much that he can’t bring himself to look at Mary’s snaps from her cruise: “This is me on the top deck. This is me on the lower deck. Ooh, look, the sea’s on this one…”
Eileen Grimshaw gets to smile this week when she has a drink with her old school mate Paula, who’s Julie Carp’s mum. Eileen hasn’t seen Paula since Paula left school aged 14, up the duff with a baby put there by Eileen’s dad. Except that Eileen doesn’t know that bit yet, but she’ll find out soon enough what a randy old fella her dad really is, was and probably always will be if Rita’s Rs is anything to go by. But hang on a minute, if Paula was pregnant when she was 14 then doesn’t that make Eileen’s dad a pervy, dirty old man and guilty as charged? It also makes Julie and Eileen half-sisters.
The Windass and Platt clan have their day in court and Tina testifies in tears. She also tells the truth and Gary Windass is cleared of assaulting David Platt. This has been a dull storyline but one that’s drawing to a close and all I could think while watching yet another Corrie court case unfold was how much I’d love to be a Corrie extra and sit on a Corrie jury.
And over at Underworld, Rosie needles Janice to get back to her stitching when she finds her reading a First Aid book. Rosie takes the mickey out of Janice who might be reading up on cardiac resuscitation but can’t pronounce it (I had trouble there spelling it) and the two almost come to blows until Mr Strong sorts them out. He’s kind, he’s loving, he is Mr Strong. And he sends Janice on a course to be the new first aider which sends Rosie’s stuck-up nose right out of joint.
Coronation Street writers this week were David Bowker, Lucy Gannon, Mark Wadlow, Jayne Hollinson and David Lane.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda, writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.
March 9, 2009
The update this week comes bounding atcha with a bunch of golden spring daffs picked fresh from the garden and it’s even shaken off the slugs before it hands the flowers over. And so without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
If you’d like your weekly updates with pictures and fun stuff, have a look here http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
The Barlow men are both making waves. It’s all hands below deck as Peter returns after servicing a woman on a Portsmouth yacht after everyone thought he’d been in rehab and dad Ken drops anchor and moves in on Martha for a kiss on her barge. Cabin-boy Ken tells Ted that everything between him and Martha’s above board but he’s kidding himself and lying to his missus, deadwood Deirdre as he drowns in a Bermuda triangle of love. And when Leanne finds out that Peter’s betrayed her, she’s all at sea and sets sail to Leeds. Peter’s left landlubbing with his son Simon, the cutest little kid that Corrie’s ever had. Blanche puts her oar in and comments on Peter’s philandering, saying it’s all Ken’s fault. Like father, like son. And then she turns back to her woman’s magazine of choice this week: Chit Chat. I like magazines with short, snappy names: Take A Break, Have a Fag, that sort of thing.
Talking of magazines, we also saw another magazine this week on Corrie, this one’s called Box Clever, strapline: “Revealed! Storylines of your favourite soaps!” as Lloyd drew spots on Jeremy Clarkson’s cover pic. Lloyd’s not best pleased at being dumped by Liz who reckons he’s embarrassed to be seen with her because she’s older than he is, so he takes to doodling instead.
Over in the Kabin, it’s Norris’ birthday, he’s a hundred and ten and in a right faff. To cruise or not to cruise, that is the question, and it’s probably been a conundrum for much of Norris’ life. Mary wants him to release the adventurer within and travel the world with her in the motorhome, or as she calls it “the tardis of love”. Where Mary has visions of visiting China and Hong Kong, Norris dreams of pulling up outside a nice tea-shop in Keswick. Rita isn’t exactly encouraging Norris to go, she can’t help but feel jealous that Mary wants to meander the highroads and byroads with Norris by her side. Rita knows that Norris’ place is next to her in the Kabin, being heavily patronised on a daily basis by a woman with big red hair and a clashing top.
Up in the flat in the sky at Victoria Court, Tara tells Dev about her dream of opening an art gallery. And it’s no sooner said than done as Dev sets plans into motion to make his girlfriend’s dream come true. Jason suggests Bill Webster as Tara’s first artist, well the doodles Bill does while he’s on the phone to the timber company have to be seen to be believed. The only fly in the ointment could be Dev’s Uncle Umed who flies in from th’India to take an over zealous interest in his nephew’s love life. He’s only been on the Street five minutes before he’s eyeing up Liz McDonald in the pub.
It’s all systems go as Becky and Steve set their wedding plan in motion. With only a week to go, Hayley gets stitching with pink shiny material off the market to make Becky’s wedding dress. Becky wants summat like a cross between Princess Diana and Jordan’s confection of a frock. Can Hayley fix it? Yes she can! When Roy finds out that Liz isn’t too happy about Becky becoming her daughter in law, there’s a wonderful scene where Roy has a word with Liz in defence of Becky, his surrogate daughter. It fair brought tears to my eyes, it really did.
In the Rovers, Emily’s lost for words when Rita turns up in outfit clearly designed by someone on drugs. “Well, I was always keen on things that clash,” she tells a stunned Mrs B in the pub. Clash? The colours and swirls on this particular top of Rita’s put the vertical hold out on the telly and the Sky digibox went weird. It looked like one of those Magic Eye pictures and if you stare at it hard enough and long enough, three peacocks appeared on Rita’s right arm.
As the fall out from the Windass and Platt clash die down, Tina and David split up and Graeme decides to “have a pop” at Tina, the old romantic that he is. But even armed with three cheap bouquets of chrysanths from Dev’s flower buckets, Graeme doesn’t turn Tina’s pretty head although Gary Windass just might. There’s an almighty row in the Platt house when David finds out about the deal Joe did with Len and this was one of Corrie’s finest scenes in ages. A four-handed, four-way scream-fest between Tina, David, Joe and Gail, beautifully written and all their secrets came tumbling out onto the carpet. Tina runs off in tears, David’s sent to his room by Gail: “But I’m 17!” Gail: “And I’m 50, get to your flaming room!”, Gail tells Joe to sling his hook and don’t come back and Joe breaks down on the cobbles. Wonderful stuff from writer Jonathan Harvey.
Coronation Street writers this week were Peter Whalley, Julie Jones, Simon Crowther, Joe Turner and Jonathan Harvey.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda, writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.
March 16, 2009
Greetings and welcome to another weekly wotsit of wonder full of gossip from the cobbles popping atcha through the letterbox of life. (Enough of that, Ed). Who’s Ed? Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you’d like your weekly updates with pictures and fun stuff, have a look here http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Big story not only of the week but of the year so far is Steve and Becky’s wedding so let’s crack on with that. With a wedding date of Friday the 13th, things were never going to be smooth. The groom had a black eye and second thoughts and the bride, well, the bride was Becky Granger, what more’s to be said. Oh, you want more said? Right then, here goes. Becky was in a huge, and I mean huge, pink, and I mean pink, net of a dress with a chicken fillet cleavage to plump out her breasts, packet of fags tucked in her garter, pink hair attachment, a tiara like Jordan’s and as an accessory, a gob full of gum. “What’s your top tips for a happy marriage?” she asks Hayley before the big day. Hayley, bless her, did a little shudder in that way that she does and smiled sweetly before reply. “Be Yourself. Give and Take…” and there was another little shudder and I swear her eyes sparkled: “… and treat him to the occasional hairwash.” I’ve always thought Roy had nice, shiny, clean hair.
Anyway, at the church Steve sits and waits with his black eye and his suit as the registrar waxes lyrical about an 18 foot boat he likes to take out on the reservoir. It’s all very nautical. And as Steve waits, Becky drinks. It starts when Natasha comes to do her hair first thing in the morning and doesn’t stop until Becky collapses. She gulps champagne from the bottle and cheap cider from Blanche that she’s bought from Dev’s shop after he gives her sales patter: “It’s got an OK bouquet, a whiff of marker pen and it’s three litres for £1.99”. Sold to the lady with the errant son-in-law.
Desperate to hide from Steve when she spies him on the Street, Becky runs into the builder’s yard and ends up drinking with Jason who gives her a bit of advice: “You want to have your wedding cake and eat it, you.” As Roy and Hayley fret about her whereabouts and whatnots, Becky stands and rips her frock, her tiara’s cock-eyed and she’s three sheets to the wind but does she care, no she does not. She’s flaming loved and she knows it. She even shouts it from the Underworld roof, with a bottle of champagne in her hand and her soul raised to the sky, but no idea of the time.
Roy manages to get her down from the roof and into the wedding car and off they set to the registrar office. But as Becky walks down the aisle, to the tune from Bonnie and Clyde, by then it’s too late because she’s too drunk and HMS Registrar drops anchor and says the bride isn’t in a fit state to be wed. Not that she cares, because she’s hammered. “What’s hammered?” asks little Amy but when Becky becomes her step-mum eventually, as she surely will become, little Amy will find out what hammered means soon enough, and regularly too. And so, Steve takes drunk Becky back to the Rovers and carries her in through the backdoor not just over the threshold but over his shoulder. Trouble is, she thinks they did get wed because she was too drunk to know what was going on and it’s left to Michelle glossy-bonce Connor to relish in breaking the bad news to Becky that she and Steve aren’t married after all. Becky spends the next two episodes in tears with streaky mascara doing its job to perfection.
Elsewhere this week away from the madness of the marriage that just wasn’t meant to be, things were plodding along nicely in the Platt household. Gail finds Joe curled up in his builder’s yard on a smelly mattress and asks him to move back in with her after Tina told her about her dad’s depression and deep blue moods. So it’s officially true, there is someone even more miserable than Gail. Mind you, David’s not best pleased when he finds Joe’s moved back into the house and his mum’s life and in his anger, he throws Joe’s stuff down the stairs. Well, he’s had practice at throwing things down the stairs, has young Platt.
In the flat above the bookies, Peter buys Simon a pet rabbit. “Whaddaya gonna call it?” Peter asks his son, “Bunny? Fluffy? Snowy?” to which Simon replies: “Wanna call it Leanne,” and so Leanne the rabbit now joins the cobbles cast. She always was hare-brained.
Meanwhile, over in Underworld, Maria and Tony get creepily close. It’s horrible, I can’t bear it and I have to watch these scenes hiding behind the sofa with my fingers in my ears, rocking back and forwards until it all ends.
And up in the flat in the sky at Victoria Court, Tara presses on with her plans to open Tate Salford. She’s spending a fortune but Dev doesn’t seem to care as he’s got comedy uncle Umed to keep an eye on.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Mark Burt, Chris Fewtrell, Debbie Oates, Jayne Hollinson and Lucy Gannon.
Glenda
--
Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
March 23, 2009
Spring greetings and warm welcomes to this week’s update. The sun’s shining, the birds are singing and I’m having a good hair day. What more do we need? And so without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
If you’d like your Corrie weekly updates with pictures and fun stuff, then have a look here at my little Coronation Street blog: http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Who are the Women of Wilmslow? It’s a tough question but one that needs to be asked because they’re getting their knickers in a twist. There’s a big order going out for the Women of Wilmslow and the man who comes to inspect the seams at Underworld isn’t best pleased. He sulks about the stitching and growls about the gussets. Tony tries to placate him and as the argy-bargy acts out on the factory floor things take a turn for the worse when Luke Strong announces that he’s the new factory boss. He’s only gone and bought Carla’s factory share and when Tony takes this up with Carla’s solicitor, she confirms that Carla did indeed want to sell and as quickly as she could. It’s too much for Tony and he drinks himself into a stupor before a sexy text message from Natasha sends him over the edge and into a panic attack in the flat. Hey, it happens. Meanwhile, the new factory boss buys the girls and Sean drinks in the pub and he tells them things won’t be any different, it’ll still be: “Routine, Familiarity…”, “… and chips?” asks the girls. Where would we all be without chips?
Luke rubs Tony up the wrong way when he gets his feet firmly under the Underworld office desk. So much so that Tony hires a private eye (am I dating myself by wanting to write ‘Inch High’ before those two words?) to dig dirt on Mister Strong. Tony consoles himself with a quick sub-duvet roll with Natasha the hairdresser. He woos her with his best Scots accent in a Sean Connery kind of way. Even the ITV continuity woman was wowed but I think Tony’s gruesome. Possibly Natasha felt that Tony gruesome more. But anyway, back to those Women of Wilmslow. If the order’s accepted maybe they’ll branch out and start sewing up pants for the Chaps of Chorlton or even the Slappers of Salford. Who knows?
Steve and Becky might not have got wed but they’re off on honeymoon to the Maldives this week. Now then, I work with someone who’s going to the Maldives and she has to have all kinds of jabs for this, that and t’other nasty disease. Steve and Becky had none. But I digress. Before they went off to the airport driven by Hayley in the Woody (which sounds like a dark Grimms fairytale) there was a wonderful food fight in a Chinese restaurant. Steve wanted to take Becky there for a quiet chat but as luck would have it they ended up sitting next to Lloyd and leg-over Liz who were lusting at each other with a bit of soft-shell crab. Becky and Liz started trading insults: “You dress like Barbie’s grandmother!” says Becky to Liz. That was a good one that, and Liz replied: “At least I don’t look like Dracula’s daughter!” The fight escalated and soft-shell crab was flung into Liz’s cleavage which, believe you me, was not a pretty sight. And as if that wasn’t a bad enough week for Liz, Lloyd leaves her for two weeks and heads to party-central in Ibiza but he promised Liz faithfully that he wasn’t packing his pulling shirt or his lucky pants.
But back to the Rovers where Poppy had a wonderful comic scene this week in which she snapped on rubber gloves for no reason at all, except that it was really very funny indeed.
Another one who left the cobbles this week was young David Platt who went to Liverpool to stay with dad Martin when he found out that Gail had moved Joe back into the house. Audrey’s also dismayed to see Joe back in Gail’s life and came out with some sage words of advice, which is unusual for Audrey. “Forgive one set of lies,” she told her daughter, “and you’re inviting another.”
Speaking of Audrey, she’s not in Bill’s good books when she asks him to start repaying the seven and a half thousand pound loan that she gave him to set himself up in the builder’s yard. He clearly can’t afford to pay Audrey back but neither can he afford to get in her bad books. He mulls it over with Jason and a pint in the pub. “I’ll have to go now,” he tells Jase. “Sally’s cooking ravioli.” What? Sally can open a tin that’s not beans these days?
Tara’s art gallery opens for business and she’s in a right panic, it’s all she can think about, not even bothering to say congratulations to Amber who’s secured a place studying law at King’s College in that London. Tara’s running rings around Dev but he doesn’t seem to either notice or care, not now comedy uncle Umed is around. I can’t see the point to comedy uncle Umed; he’s sleazy and a bit rancid and actually, not that comedic at all. Anyway, at the art gallery opening, Darryl and Amber are in serving uniforms, the artist’s in a Che Guevara t-shirt, Dev’s in a cravat and Tara’s in debt right up to her neck.
Finally this week, Peter’s either back on the booze or whisky-soaked cornflakes are a Heston Blumenthal special that somehow passed me by. Deirdre tuts and looks rightly worried about little Simon while moaning to Eileen about Peter and Ken. “He read me a poem this morning,” Deirdre tells Eileen about her errant husband, “It was about scaffolding. I was trying to get a piccalilli stain out of the carpet at the time.” And that kind of dialogue, my friends, is why I love Coronation Street so much.
Oh, and Maria now owns 75% of Lad Rags after Carla leaves her share of the business to Ms Connor in her biggest guilt trip yet.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Jonathan Harvey, Mark Burt, Debbie Oates, Chris Fewtrell, Simon Crowther.
Glenda
--
Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.comhttp://www.corrieweeklyupdates.btinternet.co.uk
