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Coronation Street Weekly
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2008 -
JUNE 2
This week's theme from the producers
was obviously funny voices. Dev continues to alternate putting his
voice up and down the melodic scale with making elephant
noises, and Fizz has a voice that sounds like a cross between a star
of Japanese Kabuki and a refugee from the Chinese State Opera. I
should also warn that much of this week is taken up with the
Mortons. I find them so hateful and dreary that I haven't
learnt all their names (and now I don't need to since Granada are
quite properly getting rid) so I hope you recognise them from
vaguely libellous descriptions.
Norris gets his CCTV,
courtesy of Nigel from Oh No You Don't Security Solutions.Then
there's a dreary bit with some of the Mortons. Then Kenzie and his
mob return to the Street, bent on mischief. Then another boring bit
with the Mortons with the tubby one hoping the yobs come back and
try it on with him. Then Kenzie and the gang go to the cafe to rob
Roy (Rob Roy! Arf! Scottish connection!) Royston (or Sugar Roy
Cropper as he becomes known) effects a citizen's arrest while
the yobs try it on with the tubby one (Jerry! I remembered!
Later to be Jerry and the Pacemaker) and give him a heart attack
which he has in stages - in the street, in the Rovers toilet and
finally (but not terminally) in the Rovers yard and so to the
ambulance on the way to hospital. Things are not improved when his
ex -Mother Teresa, turns up. She describes herself as "cavalry to
the rescue" and is reminded that cavalry is " 'orses, not cows."
Teresa retaliates by pointing out that Jerry falling over is hardly
the best advert for the kebab business.
Chesney (who's
starting to resemble more and more the meerkat left to keep lookout
after the rest of the tribe have forgotten him and gone into the
burrow for the night) has fallen in love with the Morton Girl Who
Doesn't Want To Be A Policewoman and chooses this moment to ask her
out. She declines, on the reasonable grounds that her Dad is busy
with a heart attack. And she is also upset because, as she later
tells Lloyd, she knows who's doing the robberies. Later, Lloyd tells
the Dopy Morton Who Wants To Be A Policewoman that the MGWDWTBAP
knows the robbers so the DMWWTBAP interrogates her sister who has
been softened up by hearing about Ernie Bishop, late have-a-go hero
of this parish. and second fastest milkcart in the west. Kenzie is
duly dobbed in and picked up by the fuzz - not to mention pulled
around by the short and curlies - only to resurface as "the man they
couldn't cage!". But not before Surfie has pushed Chesney forward
for the lead in "Moss Side Story" (as Nancy said in the Guardian
"But soft, what brick through yonder window breaks?") and KayKay
breaks up with KenKen to take ChesChes to the
ChipChip.
Deirdre is outraged when Roger increases his final
bill for the bathroom suite by £300 over the estimate "on account of
it being Bank Holiday and needing more pipes than expected" but Ken
defends him. Going up for her bath in the posh, new bathroom Deirdre
describes it as a "bitter sweet experience" (or is that a bitter
suite experience?) while Janice describes Deirdre as "a pair o'
specs wi' a person crouchin be'ind them."
Becky is so excited
at reaching the 4th date for the 1st time with a bloke that she and
Jason end up defacing Eileen's sheets with the chocolate body paint
Sean gave to Jason for Xmas. Don't ask. But Becky is starting to get
a little too clingy for Jase. She goes all mushy when Jase makes her
breakfast in bed and starts enthusing about how Eileen would be a
much better mother-in-law than Gail.
Steve and Dan have a
silly bet about which is the shortest route from somewhere to
somewhere else and end up racing each other. Dan wins.
Yawn.
Teresa Mama Morton and Lloyd discover they know each
other. I mean "know" if you know what I mean. They shared a night of
passion in a Ford Sierra 8 years ago. I say passion - actually, they
just sh*gged each other. And Teresa alleges that Morton Minimus The
Dopy Little Kid Who Looks Like Lloyd actually is Lloyd's son. Lloyd
falls for this and is persuaded to stump up money for "new trainers"
and "new jeans" for MMTDLKWLLL.
Vernon returns from his
cruise with a craving for Liz's pickled onions. No, that's not a
coded reference to some weird practice, he actually wants the jar of
pickled onions. He discovers that no-one has missed him and Eileen
didn't even know he was away. But he and the band have been invited
back to the ship, so successful were they - an ominous marker
against Vernon's future. Dev may soon be asking "Where's the Ancient
Mariner?" and getting no reply.
Did you know they called
Bruce Grobelaar, former Liverpool goalie, the Ancient Mariner
because he stoppeth one of three?
I'll get me coat. But I
shall return next week.
Writers his week were Lucy Gannon,
Chris Fewtrell, Mark Wadlow and Simon Crowther.
John Dean
Blogging away
merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
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