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2008 -
JULY 21
Liz might have kicked him out and his paradiddle might
have lost its oomph but there's a place behind the counter at Roy's
Rolls where Vernon fits in perfect. Roy takes him on as he's short
staffed in the caff and needs an extra pair of hands, even a pair
that keeps belting out a five bar rhythm section on the table tops
every half hour, on the hour, come rain, come shine.
Over at
the factory, Rosie wheedles her way in with Tony Gordon and gets
Sean his job back. Well, it's the least that Tony can do after Rosie
nicked her dad's customer files from the garage last week. Sean's
been great this week. He walked into the café (see para 1 above)
with the girls' cake order (and it wasn't even Wicked Wednesday)
while George Michael's Faith was playing on Roy's wireless. Sean
sang along in style: ‘Cos I gotta have cake, cake, cake.' WHe
should've started at the top really with "Well I guess it would be
nice, if I could touch your barm cake, you know not everybody has
got a barm cake like you."
Anyway, there's more than cake,
there's hot gossip at the factory when John Stape turns up in his
little blue car. He tells Fiz he still loves her and he wants her
back. He also wants her front, the side bits and the bits that stick
out. Ah, but would he love her if she had bingo wings? Sigh. She
gives John what for and slaps him across the chops but he's not put
off. News spreads that “John's back on the Street” and it's Chinese
whispers a-go-go as his return hits the factory floor and goes from
Sally to Rosie to Kev in the garage who finally hears: “John's
snake's bagged and asleep.” Kevin plays to his strengths and
bradishes his spanner. And then right, then, John only goes
and gets himself a job as the new driver at Streetcars. Well, they
were kind of desperate after their interviews produced two no-shows,
one manic depressive and a woman who crashed her car on the way
there. I say bring in Big Brenda from Levenshulme, she's the only
woman for the job.
In the Rovers, Blanche isn't best pleased
to hear that Ken's going to see a play with Gail's dad Ted. I'd love
to go out for an evening with Ted. Along with Molly's Aunty Pam (of
whom more later) I think Ted's the best thing to hit Corrie in a
long time. Anyway, Blanche pursed her lips and spilled out some
thinly disguised homophobic vile. Gail returned from the land
of sun dried tomatoes and multi-coloured ice-cream (you can tell
I've never been) to find her living room redecorated and her son
with a new hairdo.
Anyway, this Aunty Pam of Molly's (see
para 4 above) turned up selling knock-off ham in the Rovers. She can
get anyone anything knock-off, can Pam. Whadday ya want? Slabs of
baked ham? A crate of foreign beer with no questions asked? Trident
Cruise Missile with the sell-by date erased? Anything. She's fab, is
Pam. She's like a breath of fresh air and she's turned up just in
time to see Molly and Tyrone get engaged this coming week. Tyrone
tries, bless him, he's all ready to pop the question with Vera's
engagement ring (this bit brought tears to my eyes, I'm such a sad
muppet). But at the chi-chi La-La Lounge, as recommended by
de-de-desperate Dev, Tyrone's planned sparkler and cake failed to
compete with another guy's proposal to his girlfriend which included
fireworks and a marching band. Never mind Tyrone, there's always
next week. Tyrone's engagement sparked memories for Jack of asking
Vera to marry him way back in the day. Apparently, Vera was up the
stick. And that's not a phrase you hear enough of these
days.
Someone who's having less luck in the lady love
department is Steve McDonald. Michelle throws the £7,500 engagement
ring back at him and he has to search in a skip until he finds his
investment. She knows he's been up to no good and throws him out of
his own home and pub, which I found a bit odd. Steve takes to
sleeping in the Streetcars office, whiling away the hours with the
Rubik's cube.
Elsewhere this week, Dev and Vernon went
golfing together. Dev was in his Pringle jumper and sensible
trousers, Vernon was rock and roll with his hat on back to front.
The whole point of this set up was for Dev to bump into Prem Mandal,
another Asian businessman who's big in floor covering and carpets, a
bit like shag pile. The actor who plays Prem once played Dev's dad
but he didn't seem to recognise him, which is just as well as Dev's
going to end up adding Prem's wife to his own shag pile.
And
finally this week, Jerry came over all peculiar in the kebab shop
and Mother Theresa takes it upon herself to look after the
afflicted. Poor soul.
Five things we learned in Corrie this
week. 1. Steve McDonald's feet smell and he
can't spell. Are these two things connected? 2.
Roy Cropper's favourite train is the
Mallard. 3. Janice, Sean and Sally reckon that
Nigel who works in the loading bay at Underworld is
hot 4. So is the new extra they had in Roy's
Rolls. 5. John Stape was forced out of his
teaching job by a “cynically orchestrated campaign on YouTube”. I
wonder if he means this?
And that's just about that for this
week.
Coronation Street writers this week were Joe Turner,
Mark Wadlow, Damon Rochefort and Simon
Crowther.
Glenda
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