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2008 -
JANUARY 28
Yes, this was the week when Vera had her name in
white carnations and pink roses with a pink silk trim, in the
funeral car that took her body to the crem. It was another couple of
very moving episodes and I think most of that is out of respect to
Liz Dawn who played Vera, as the Corrie crew wave goodbye to one of
their stalwarts on the Street. I don't know about you, but I'd grown
up with Vera Duckworth, she was part of my life. She was with me
from when I first started watching Corrie when I were nowt but a kid
and while she's never been one of my favourite Corrie women, she's
just always Been There. And now she's gone, and as we know that Liz
Dawn is in ill-health, it adds a certain poignancy to Vera's
farewell on the Street.
Jack was in bits, as we'd expected
and Terry turned up, which we didn't. Terry looked like he'd
stumbled onto the wrong soap with his loud whisprin' voice and his
big flat in Wolverhampton. He told Rita that he's something big in
mobile phones, just like Tetris - but no-one's pleased to see him,
unlike Tetris which can be quite fun. Most shocked to meet Terry was
young Paul who finally came face to face with his dad after seven
years and it took Jack to remind Terry that he was dad to the spawn
of Clayton. I, along with probably half the British population, was
expecting undertaker of the parish Archie Shuttleworth to be on duty
at the death but it was a sub-standard affair. “Co-op,” sniffed
Blanche with the air of one who knows. At the crematorium, Jack
heaved himself out of his grief to say a few words about his little
swamp duck, ending with the heartfelt “Thanks, Vera. Thankyou,
love.” The music that marched the funeral party into the crem was
Elvis' Amazing Grace and Vera was shunted out to the sound of Ray
Charles' I Can't Stop Loving You. If your eyes were still dry at
this point, then you're a table leg and I claim my five
pounds. Although he was only on set for five minutes, Terry
tried to persuade his old man not to sell the house to Tyrone (or as
Terry's always called him Tirroan) and Molly. Jack nodded his head
and smiled nicely, even giving his son a goodbye hug before telling
Tirroan, Molly and Paul that they were his family now and they'd all
stick together, come what may. Although I do hear from the tabloid
press that Paul might have other ideas…
Away from the big
story of Vera's funeral this week there was a lot of ess-ee-ex going
on and some of it, was a little disturbing for a family show. Yes,
if you saw the show, you'll know that I mean the white stiletto
story. Harry the bookie found a pair of white spiky heeled women's
shoes, the common sort, in son Dan's bedroom and confronted him with
them, wanting to know what he was doing with ladies' shoes in the
flat. Dan admitted that he'd been having aforementioned ess-ee-ex
with a woman wearing the shoes when her mobile phone rang (or was
she playing Tetris?) and her ex-husband wooed her back using the
power of his mobile. Leaving Dan alone in his flat, she took off the
white sillitoe shoes and left them with deflated Dan. Ever since, he
told his dad, as you do about such things while having a drink in a
pub with everyone listening, he's been trying to get women to wear
the white shoes while having it away sub-duvet with him. See what I
mean? Very odd. When it all panned out it was really just a ploy to
show how daft Dan is and how manipulative Harry could be of his son.
But will Dan ever find a woman to wear the white shoes? Tune in to
Sky Channel XXXX after midnight on weekends to discover more about
the Street's shoe fetish. Or then again, best not.
More sexy
goings on could have taken place this week if only Tony and his
eyeballs (eyeballs, dear) hadn't turned up to ruin Liam and Carla
having fun in Brum. Yes, Liam and Carla took off to Birmingham to
join in a trade fair. Now then, I've never been to Birmingham but
the place obviously has very good healing powers. Leaving the
cobbles, Liam limped to the car. He limped across the street, he
limped, he really did, his injuries from his fall in the Lake
District causing him no end of grief. After a couple of hours on the
motorway or however long it takes to drive from Manchester to
Birmingham, he gets out of the car in Birmingham and Liam's
injuries, my friends, have gone, all gone. Never mind Lourdres,
missus, if you want rid of that nasty rash, get yourself to the
middle of the Bullring shopping centre now if you know what's best.
So, the two of them are in good and varied spirits and Liam's in
fine health in Birmingham where Carla's only gone and booked them
one room to share. They have a few drinks in the bar, do a bit of
flirting, Carla's cleavage speaks for itself, in stereo, and Liam's
transfixed. But before Carla can utter the immortal words “Take me
now Liam, for even though I am your sister-in-law I am a wanton
hussy and the best ess-ee-ex you'll ever have this side of the
Pennines”, in comes eyeball Tone from the catalogue to put a dampner
on things. Liam drives home to spend the night with Maria and her
pregnancy bump, lying that he's returned home to be with her and not
because Tony turned up to spoil his coupling with Carla.
Elsewhere, David was up in court and fined £300 for driving
his car into the canal. He'll also get points on his licence if he
ever gets one and the whole experience has left Tina a bit worried.
“I've never met anyone as bad as me before,” she tells Gail. Gail,
you'll remember is the mother of young David who's own storyline has
ended and she now sulks in the Rovers with her mother of an evening
hugging a half of lager of lime and a bag of pork scratchings to her
chest and rolling her eyes to the heavens. She's taken to leaving
condoms around the house for David to find, with hastily delivered
words telling her son to be careful. Little does she know that David
and Tina have already used her double bed for their ess-ee-ex
sessions, which is more action than Gail's bed has seen since
1986.
And finally, Liz and Vernon returned from honeymoon
this week wearing their cowboy hats and matching frilled shirts. Not
really knowing what's going on with Michelle and Ryan over the DNA
test, Vernon barges in and calls Michelle his daughter in law and
Ryan his grandson. Well, neither are true as the DNA tests prove
that Ryan's not Michelle's real son after all. Further DNA
examination results in this storyline being very
dull.
Coronation Street writers this week were Martin Allen,
Simon Crowther and Peter "I buried Vera Duckworth"
Whalley.
And that's just about that for this
week.
Glenda -- Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com
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