September 4, 2006
ienvenue and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update is really enjoying its favourite soap, it’s moving along at a cracking pace at the minute and hopes you’ll forgive it if it forgets things that happened this week. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this weeks’ Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
When Fiz wakes up in the country cottage with Monica slobbering on the pillow next to her, she knows it’s not the romantic holiday she was hoping for with Kirkeh. Back on the Street she tells Kirk it’s over. Through tears on Cilla’s sofa, Fiz explains she wants romance, affection, adoration and love and all Kirk can offer her is one of his chips. This was a wonderful scene, Fiz and Kirk were in tears and I was in bits watching it. “Bye-bye Kirkeh” Fiz says as she leaves him alone and heads back to her flat. But Kirk’s determined not to be beaten – this was the man who once stole Blanche Hunt’s girdle, remember? He meets Fiz after work with a bunch of freesias and sings her their special song but even The Real Slim Shady won’t melt Fiz’s heart this time – so it’s time to get tough. He tells her he’s written a love poem to woo her back and it seems to do the trick. It goes something like this: “I would give everything I own, give up my life, my heart, my home. I would give everything I own, just to have you back again”. Sound familiar? Rita recognises it straight away when Fiz repeats it in the Rovers. “I used to sing that in the clubs” Rita sighed. “And then segue into River Deep, Mountain High”. Kirk’s dumped again when Fiz finds out he didn’t write the poem after all but ripped the lyrics off Cilla’s Bread CD. “It’s not easy being thick” he says in his defence.
Charlie sleeps over at Maria’s place and gets Jason to lie to Tracy for cover his whereabouts and thereabouts. (I love that phrase - but I know, I really should stop using it. It probably pops up in every third weekly update. Carry on Screaming’s to blame.)
New barmaid Michelle is settling in at the Rovers and has been at the heart of one of the big stories this week. To give Kym Marsh/Ryder her due, she’s doing alright but then how could she not with the sparkling dialogue she’s been given this week, such as this – Vernon: “’Ow about you and me having a bit of a ding-dong?”. Michelle: “There’ll be no ding and there’ll definitely be no dong”. Having words like that scripted for you is a dream. Even I could come over all brassy saying words like that. Anyway, Liz warns Steve away from Michelle: “She’s a bonkers slapper who’ll rip yer innards out” but that doesn’t seem to have any effect on Steve who lusts after Michelle good and proper. Her 14 year old son Ryan turned up this week along with her tall, dark and handsome (if you like that sort of thing) brother Liam, who gets a crush on Frankie until he thinks she’s a transsexual after some confused gossip about him fancying the woman who works in Roy’s caff. Vernon’s on the prowl, lusting after Michelle and she’s fed up with him so decides to set him up. After hours in the Rovers, he’s upstairs in his leopard skin pants wanting Michelle to join him in Liz’s bed while she’s out on a bender with Big Brenda, the alky. (I think I know her). Michelle tells Vernon to come down to the back room and they’ll do, you know, it, on the sofa. As Vernon prances into the room in his scanties, Betty and Sean just about choke on their cocoa. Liz wants to know what’s been going on while she was on her night out and when nobody tells her she assumes Michelle’s been fiddling with her fella and sacks her. It’s left to Eileen, Sean and Betty go put Liz right. She storms upstairs and chucks out Vernon’s drum kit and worldly goods from the bedroom window onto the cobbles below. How many times have we seen that done on the Street? And it’s still wonderful! I do hope it’s not the last we see of Vernon, he’s been great fun to watch. Liz grudgingly reinstates Michelle back behind the bar – so that’s five of them now working in the world’s smallest pub. Michelle’s just about to ask Steve out on a date but she overhears him telling his mum that he needs a woman with a 14 year old kid like he needs a hole in his head. Liz wonders when her feckless son became a magnet for high-maintenance, highly strung strumpets and bitches. Well, you know what they say – men always go for women who remind them of their mum.
There’s an odious huff in the Kabin when Norris finds out that Rita’s entered a Tyler’s Toffee promotion to win a weekend in Budapest. As partners in the business, he feels affronted and denied his own chance of filling in the form to win a trip to the city that’s the birthplace of one of his personal heroes, László Bíró.
This week the schools reopened and kids everywhere donned blazers and frowns as they headed back to the classroom. All except David Pratt who’s bunking off already although he tells Gail he’s been and she believes every word. Little Josh Peacock even started school but Claire forgot to pick him up and left baby Thomas with Hayley as she went doolally and fed coins into a fruit machine in town. When she finally turns up on the cobbles, Claire slaps Hayley across the face in the caff when she finds a bruise on Thomas’ arm and thinks Hayley has caused it. The girl’s going into meltdown, lying about her mother being ill, slapping and snapping at her neighbours and friends and all Ashley can ask is why they don’t have fun together anymore? Argh! Slap him one from me, Claire, and then get yourself to your doctor for help.
And chez Battersby-Brown’s, the bills are mounting and there’s no money to be found so Chesney sells his toys on eBay and gives £15 to Cilla and Les which they blow in the Rovers on booze and nuts. But when Cilla realises there’s money to be made from selling old tat online, she empties the cupboards and starts taking pics on Fiz’s mobile phone, determined to get rich by selling all their stuff.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
September 11, 2006
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This week the update is packing its case, wondering if it’ll fit into last years’ bikini and slapping on the sun cream. Yes, it’s going on its jollies at the end of this week. But fear not, dear readers. For while it’s away, we have a cracking line-up of stand-in, sit-down weekly update writers for you. (If you’re reading this update on www.corrie.net however, the page won’t be updated until early October so be sure you don’t miss an update, it’d be best to subscribe to the Corrieweeks mailing list at http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/corrieweeks/ and the update will be sent to you by email automatically, without charge and with a big smile). And so, for the next three weeks the updates will be brought to you by jolly John Dean, reckless Richard Whitbread and jaunty Janet Waterhouse. My huge thanks go to all of them, again, and you can find out all you need to know about all the Corrie weekly updaters on this webpage here: http://www.corrieweeklyupdates.btinternet.co.uk/profiles.htm I’ll be seeing you again when I return from my hols all bronzed and lovely, but in the meantime, without any further ado, here we go with this weeks’ Coronation Street update.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Liz McDonald is officially my favourite Corrie character, well at the moment, anyway. And when I say ‘favourite’ I do of course mean ‘second favourite to Spider’. But anyway, this week she was in her glory in the back room of the pub. Fag in hand, clad in leopard print, cleavage all over the place, holding court and dishing advice, falling out with her newest barmaid Michelle and keeping on the good side of Betty, just in case. She’s a worthy successor to the best barmaid of all time, Bet Lynch, but with her own style, a rocky past and big bumps in front of her. When an estate agent with a face like a wet Thursday morning comes round to value the pub, Liz is upset and angry that Bev and Fred hadn’t mentioned they were thinking of selling. Steve’s all for his mum getting a loan and buying the place herself, a plan on which she’s thinking.
David’s still bunking off school and tells his mum he’s being bullied by the big lads who taunt him with: “What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between Blind Date and Crimewatch? David Platt’s mum!”. It’s all lies of course and Gail confides to Audrey that she’s not sure David’s telling the truth any more. Oh, wake up and smell the playstation, Gail. She drags David to the Headmaster where he picks three names at random and tells the Head they’re the bullies who are picking on him before he saunters home to watch daytime TV and style his hair like Oddbod Junior from Carry on Screaming.
Liam and Paul Connor, new brothers of the parish, stitch up Adam Barlow, knicker-boy and general numbskull, good and proper. They convince him his share of the factory is worth half of what he thinks it is and then buy it from him at the knock down price. Danny’s not going to be best pleased when he returns to find himself being partners in a business with Weatherfield’s answer to the Mitchell brothers. I quite like them though, I have to admit. Liam’s a bit thick and looks like a Thunderbird puppet (as does sister Michelle the barmaid) while Paul is older and wiser with a proper Coronation Street face and doesn’t appear to be remote controlled.
Violet moves in with Jamie at Frankie’s place and although he makes all the right noises about living with his girlfriend, you can tell that He’s Just Not That Into Her. On Violet’s first night in her new home, Jamie goes out on the beer with Sean on Canal Street. Now I’m not one to gossip, as you know, but if I was Violet, I’d be a bit worried.
It’s Sean’s 30th birthday this coming Friday night and a karaoke night has been planned for the Rovers. Liz fully intends to wipe the floor with Michelle on the karaoke machine, knocking her socks off with I Will Survive, no doubt, while Michelle (Kym Marsh) could perform a medly of her hit.
Claire’s post-natal depression hits a new low this week when she took Thomas back to th’ospickle, convinced she picked up the wrong baby in the maternity ward. She dumps the baby in the ladies loo and heads home to pick up t’other son Josh. She’d told Ashley she was going to see her dying mum, so Ashley, as you can imagine, got quite a shock when Claire’s mum turned up in the butcher shop as fit as a fiddle except for a twinge in her knee. When Claire returns home, all hell is let loose. Ashley and her mum have a right old go at her, can’t understand what she’s going through and you just feel so very, very sorry for Claire. Julia Haworth who plays Claire has been doing a fantastic job in this role lately and if she doesn’t win best dramatic performance at next years soap awards, I’ll eat my trilby.
And finally this week, Cilla starts selling off all the stuff in their house on eBay to raise cash to pay the bills. Well, that’s the theory anyway but when Yana persuades her mate to splash the cash on fun instead of on food at Freshco, Cilla doesn’t need much tempting. She books a holiday to Ayia Napa with her mate and tells Les she’s leaving him and Chesney home alone with empty cupboards and no food.
See you in three weeks time!
Glenda
September 18, 2006
This weeks' update written by John Dean. Glenda is on holiday.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
At last - Sean's birthday! He gets a tie from Hayley which has bras and knickers embroidered on it. Which just seems WRONG on so many levels.
Ashley's trying to persuade the Social Worker that there's something wrong with Clur when DING DONG - it's the DOCTAH! (Not THE Doctor, nemesis of the Peacock family for so many years, but A Doctor, not at all tall). The Doctor claims Claire's problem is "hard to pin down" but it may be post natal depression. Well, DUH!
And Liam (who seems to have a staggeringly comprehensive knowledge of the garment business - taking in stock control, quality assessment and pricing - when his only previous experience has been flogging thongs on a market stall) is pumping Hayley for information about Danny.
Claire and Ashley have a big row on the street. "I'm a trained Nanny!" shouts Claire, just as she pushes "That baby" in front of an oncoming car. Back at home, Claire flushes her anti-depressants down the sink and Ashley realises the problem is beyond his control.
Kelly has responded to Liam's requirement that, for Health and Safety purposes, she has to ditch the sexy outfits. Sally wants to know if the old clothes have been donated to a prostitutes' refuge. Kelly is understandably bitter at people who make people dress up in old clothes so they look like their auntie.
Ashley tricks Claire into going to the hospital for assessment, not realising that the Doctor can commit Claire to a course of in-patient
treatment. Doctor Bannerjee, by the way, turns out to be Mike Baldwin's old solicitor, Frankie. Either Frankie is to play no further part in the show and the actress has moved on (via Casualty or Holby City or something), or there's some really clever "evil twin" sub-plot going on. Claire is,
naturally, desperately upset. "You're punishing me for being such a terrible mother", she claims. So she's a bad mother? John Shaft was a bad mother and everyone liked him.
The Rovers karaoke is in full swing. Michelle "Lego head" Connor is belting out the old stuff. When Deirdre wants to know why Michelle's hair is so shiny, Liz suggests it's because she rubs it with a pork chop. I want to know why it never moves. Is it really one of those plastic Lego pieces
that you fit on the head with a little spike? Deirdre, Eileen and Liz have a go at "It's Raining Men", which is a long way from their personal situation. And Jamie and Sean do a very passable Elton and Kiki after threatening to be Donny and Marie. Oh dear ... I feel an implausible story line coming on.
Over at the Baldwin's, Violet's seductive voice wafts down the stairs, enticing Jamie back to bed. Reminiscent of the days when the Lancashire housewife would shout to her husband "Dost want use of me body before I put me corset on?". But Jamie just wants to read the paper.
Fred and Bev return to the Street, I say Fred and Bev ...As a subtle subterfuge they're claiming that Bev has food
poisoning. "Never buy a prawn where you can't hear a seagull" opines Fred. But really they're back because of the Claire "One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest" scenario. Ashley's hopes are dashed that Claire will be sent home after an overnight stay. The Doc wants to keep her in for at least a fortnight. And Claire is not a happy camper. Well, actually, she's not any kind of camper what with being locked inside a hospital ward.
Danny returns and calls on Adam. A golden opportunity for Adam to let Danny know what's been going on. But ole Brer Adam, he don't say nuffin, he jest smile ...
So Danny gets a very rude shock when he sets the alarm off going into Underworld and his code doesn't work. He assumes the youthful Liam Gallagher look-alike bounding past him is the man from the alarm company. He's staggered to find it's his new partner. So staggered he does that weird lizard thing with his tongue that signifies thought and puzzlement. Very unsettling. But after a chat to his brief he determines that the fine print allows Liam to have all the statements and reports he likes as well as 40 per cent of the profits, but it nowhere guarantees him access to the factory. So Danny has Hayley escort the lad from the premises and then he changes the locks. And then he offers to buy the Gallagher brothers out - "Name your price, girls!"
Meantime, Steve has "had a look at the books" of the Rovers - which seem to consist of a box file, a couple of manky manila folders and a few dozen invoices in a paper clip - and pronounces himself delighted at the financial robustness and agrees to buy the pub so his Mum can run it.
Storylines you're glad I didn't include ;
Norris and Rita and the free pen
Things Craig can legally do now he's 16
Euphemisms Charlie and Maria are coming up with for sex (Oh, OK,
just the one - "Fixing the loose tiles in the bathroom")
Betty and her Cyril's "fancy dress parties"
Fizz's driving lessons
Liam and Frankie and Danny and Alice (OK, Alice is a fictional
character)
The bloke who looks frighteningly like me playing strip ludo
with Claire in the Psych ward
But I will include the "diagnosis of the week" which came, not from any of the half dozen doctors and nurses we saw dithering around Mrs
Peacock, but in Fred's response to the question "'Ow's Claire"
"Barkin'"
NB - The updates for the next couple of weeks will be delayed. Richard and Janet have discovered that Glenda hides the tunnocks under the bed when she's away and they're too busy picking off the dust bunnies to put pen to paper.
John Dean
September 25, 2006
This week's update written by K Richard Whitbread. Glenda is on holiday.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com
Yee haa. Mice playing time, Glenda's away and the lunatics have taken over the asylum. Sadly this update is running late due to a combination of leaves on the line, a holiday in France and the wrong kind of snow - please take your pick.
And what strange events in the Street. Violet is distraught and unhappy. Her live in lover (Jamie of the strange hair cut) appears to prefer spending time drinking and consorting with Sean the gay barman - indeed she even spots them hugging in public in the Rovers. Now which conclusion would you adopt - has he gone off me and gone gay? Of course - and Violet you could not be much more wrong. Sean keeps trying to re-assure Violet that Jamie is straight and later he tries to keep his distance from Jamie and then send him home where Violet is cooking a special dinner.
Danny starts the week with a new partner he does not want in the factory. But after a couple of days barrow boy and Street trader Liam points out to Danny that: a) he owns 40% and b) he will work for next to nothing and c) he is probably very good, so Danny relents and makes him number two boss. Both Danny and Liam ask Hayley to spy on the other one for them! Poor Hayley she can hardly know which way to turn (but then perhaps she never did). All seems to be going better between Danny and Liam - until the latter decides to come clean about the girl he is now seeing. Danny tells him to lay off the ones in the workforce who are spoken for (are there any single ones we know of?) but Liam cannot leave it alone and tells Danny that it is actually Frankie. Danny really must feel that life is kicking him when he is down. Especially when he sees Frankie and Liam setting up a date across the road from the factory. Later Danny buys Liam and Frankie a drink in the Rovers - Frankie spots that they are like two kids scrapping over a sweet. Later Frankie tells Violet that she is thinking of dumping Liam. Before long Liam works out
that he is about to be dumped and accepts the inevitable. Then Liam goes to see Danny and implies that he dumped Frankie!
Audrey suffers the arrival of a hoodie - apparently in the house when she returns from the Rovers. The deaf kid ignores the door closing until Audrey shouts at him - then he runs right past her and out the front door. Audrey summons Fred rather than Gail - which seems odd to me. The following day Bev sends Fred off to Audrey with some flowers to cheer her up. Fred confides in Audrey that he is not sure about moving away and retiring. He is worried about Ashley, Claire and the kids if he is not nearby. Fred also realises that Audrey will no longer be on hand.
Steve and Liz have "bought" the Rovers - they are going to take over the pub with Liz in charge. Steve was hoping to get the flat to himself and stop living with his mother - but the money did not work out and he is going to have to live at the Rovers - well at least Michelle will not need a cab home very often in future. Liz makes the mistake of ringing the bell for last orders one evening - Bev is extremely put out and Liz promises not to repeat it until she is actually the boss.
Do you want to know about Norris, Rita, the pen, the steak knives and the trip to Budapest? No nor do I. Anyway Ken is in charge of the Kabin and Rita will not be sharing a bedroom with Norris (do you want to know anymore than that - I assume it was intended to be a comedy piece but it was rather laboured).
Charlie cons Tracy into giving him a pass to a mate's stag night in Leeds. Odd that Maria is away for two nights on a training course in Birmingham. My geography was never very good but I reckon that Charlie has a far better chance of getting a bed in Brum than of ever finding a mate in Leeds. Before he goes he gets a warning from Tracy that if he misbehaves on the stag night she will not be there when he returns.
Fiz celebrates a birthday - Kirk fails to deliver a present first thing in the morning - although Chesney gives her a pair of pink furry dice. She thinks that Kirk will be buying her a car. When she finishes work Kirk is waiting outside with a bright red car - he has borrowed it for her driving lessons. She starts hitting him with her new handbag as a gift from the factory girls and breaks the handle!
The wedding of the year is coming - Bev has Shelley visiting to help with the preparations - Fred is sent packing. Shelley, looking a little larger than we remember and with a new hairdo, arrives in a black cab to a mouthful of abuse from Tracy who sees her across the Street. Shelley claims she has been eating a lot and living the high life in front of Betty. Bev notes that Shelley is not drinking. Bev keeps pushing the point and then asks her if she is pregnant. Shelley does not deny it. Fred gives her a huge hug - Bev asks the big question - who is the father? Shelley tries to say nothing. Bev works it out - it is Charlie Stubbs. Shelley nods. (Can we start a campaign for Shelley to come back please?). Shelley tries to explain events to Bev, they row. Bev tries to convince Shelley that she should have an abortion - but Shelley is adamant she is keeping it. Shelley sees the baby as a positive for the future - a new start and a baby to go with it. Shelley runs out and Bev follows her - but runs into Deirdre in the ginnel. Bev is crying. Bev lets Deirdre in on the big secret - the baby and the father! Bev almost immediately realises the mistake she has made. Deirdre insists on wanting to tell Tracy about the baby. Bev wants to keep it from Tracy. Tracy collects Amy and for the moment the secret is kept.
Violet and Jamie's meal is joined by both the single again Frankie and Shelley who claiming she in on anti-biotics does not drink.
Claire's absence is exciting some comment but by and large her illness have not been disclosed along the Street.
And the next week's update will be along in a little while.
--
K Richard W
