December 6, 2004
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update.
This update comes with apologies that there wasn't an update last week, but
there was too much going on and not enough hours to fit it all in.
I dunno, you wait ages for a night out and then thirty-seven come along all
at once. So anyway, without further ado, here we go with this week's
Coronation Street update.
Saint Frankie of the Cobbles is doing right by Vera, helping her
indoors while she recovers from her mugging. Only thing is, she cottons
on to Jack's pigeon plan just about the same time Vera rings the council
to speak to the man from the North West Conservation society, only to be
told it doesn't exist. Now she knows what Jack's up to, Vera invites
Jack and the Conservation society fella for dinner and serves up what she
threatens will be pigeon pie if they try a stunt like this again. Frankie
comes to the rescue once more and tells Jack he can keep the pigeons in their
yard and everyone's as happy as Larry.
At Underworld Danny gets the girls to put up the Christmas decorations
but when they see it all finished, they're not best pleased. There's
a sparkly life-size semi-naked woman beside two reindeers and a sleigh
above the factory entrance. She's modelling Underworld frillies and
showing off her Donner and Blitzen to all and sundry.
Blanche's mate Wanda has been turfed out of her home by termites and
sets up home on the sofa at the Barlows, still warm from the last lodger
Liz. Ken's not best pleased and hides behind his paper as Wanda hits
the gin for breakfast and carries around her Dicky (dead husband) in a biscuit
tin. When Deirdre finds out from her mate in housing at the council
that there's no termites and no reason for Wanda to be staying with them,
they turf her out back to her own place but not before she gives Ken a
leaving gift of his own cemetery plot.
In the back room of the Rovers the stakes are high in a game of poker
as Mike bets his share of Underworld against Fred's butcher shop. Fred
loses and Mike shows no remorse in getting him to draw up the contract so
he can add Fred's shop to his retail empire. Ashley's furious when
he finds out what Fred's done and says he'll never forgive him. When
Mike comes to the house to sign the contract, he makes Fred sign it first
- and then sets it on fire and shakes Fred's hand as they promise each other
never to bear a grudge again. Seems an odd way to settle a card game
debt, although I did once lose two sherbert lemons in a game of Old
Maid. But Fred's got more to worry about when he gets a visit from
Claire's mum in her official capacity doing a random inspection of his VAT
books. Poor Boris is rushed to casualty after falling off the ladder
putting up the butcher's Christmas decorations of Gobbling Gordon the turkey
and Slaughterman Santa.
Maria and Tyrone return from holiday where she's met a bloke called Dave
from Newcastle who pops down to see her. Maria's now sharing her flat with
Liz, who's been installed up there by Steve who couldn't bear to see his
mother homeless. Well, you couldn't could you? Anyway, this Geordie Dave
makes off with two hundred quid that Maria loans to him from the salon takings
and she's beside herself with worry that Audrey will find out. Although
Tyrone's telling anyone who'll listen that he's like, so over Maria, he
gives her the money to pay back to Audrey. Audrey realises the money's
gone missing but confides in Maria she thinks Candice has had her fingers
in the till.
Roy has trouble sleeping, even with a well thumbed Trollope so he gets
up at half o'clock to sterilise coins and make a Christmas pudding. When
Hayley gets up to see what he's up to he makes her stir the pudding and
make a wish before sending her back up to bed. Punters in the cafe
who find coins in their pudding will win prizes in the cafe although Hayley's
not sure what health and safety would make of it all.
Kev and Sally meet the Davenports and Tommy and Angela in the precinct
for pizza. Davenport the fella offers Sally a job in his garage,
which she accepts while Kevin wonders just what she's playing at.
And just to recap on one big event from last week - Karen is pregnant
at last.
And that's just about that for this week.
December 13, 2004
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update as
we take a peek behind today's door of the weekly update advent calendar.
Oooh lovely, it's the St. John's Ambulance tambourine section (North Yorks.
division). Anyway, without any further festive ado, here we go with this
week's Coronation Street update.
Fred's worried, I say, he's fair flustered to be having his books inspected
by th'Inland Revenue in the form of Yvonne (Claire's grumpy tax inspector
mum). As Yvonne works away at the back of the butcher's shop, in comes
Rita asking Fred for a nice piece of steak in exchange for his paper bill
at the Kabin. Fred has to cover himself and tells Yvonne he always settles
such bills with his own personal cash but Yvonne's not daft and keeps looking
for ways to nail Fred on his tax. She's somewhat disappointed therefore
to tell Fred she can only find an outstanding amount to be paid of twenty
four pounds and nine pence. Claire has her hen night in the Rovers
with champagne from Fred, nibbles and crisps, and now that Yvonne's failed
to award Fred the Delia Smith award for cooking the books, she begs Claire's
forgiveness and agrees to come to the wedding. By far the best bit
of this storyline this week was when Claire asked Fred to give her away at
the wedding, as she doesn't have a dad of her own. I fair nearly choked
on my mulled wine and mince pie.
Karen's furious when she finds out that Steve's bought baby Amy a Christmas
present: "You've started cheating on our baby!" she screams. Determined
not to be beaten by the Barlows, Karen demands a key to the car so she can
use it whenever she likes. Ken sees Karen has a point and gives her Tracy's
spare key. Karen then takes the car off to the garage and delivers
it back to the Barlows with one of them stickers across the windscreen, the
type no-one has seen since 1976,
that reads: "Steve and Karen" - just in case anyone should forget who
he's married to - especially Steve.
Maria borrows £200 from Audrey to repay Tyrone and get out of his
debt. She's knows whatever's going on between her and Tyrone means much
more to him than it does to her and she doesn't want any reason to be in
debt to him for longer than she needs. But feeling sorry for him, she
offers to cook Tyrone a meal at the flat and plays things cool. However,
Dave the Geordie turns up to repay Maria the money he took and there's a
bit of an argument between the three of them about who's going out with who,
for how long and what for. And Tyrone ends up staying the night as
Dave leaves. Next morning Tyrone's full of the joys of spring and Maria's
full of regret and mixed feelings. Meanwhile flatmate Liz is full of
maternal advice for Maria - who could do worse than listen to Mrs "been there,
done that, bought the D-cup-plunge-ceaveage-push-up-drop-down-backless-frontless-quick-release
t-shirt" McDonald.
Sally starts work at the Davenport's garage and heads off in her car wearing
her posh suit and holier-than-thou smirk. Which is a shame really,
she used to be good but now she's just mad.
Shelley arranges to meet mum Bev for lunch but daren't tell Charlie what
she's up to in case he forbids her to go. She comes up with some story
about a brewery do but Charlie calls Newton & Ridley and finds out there's
nothing on that Shelley could be attending. When she comes back from
lunch, Charlie has a go at Shelley who agrees with his request not to see
her mum any more. His controlling behaviour is worrying Shelley but she goes
along with him, too weak to argue, too stupid to know what to do.
Roy hides coins in his figgy pudding that's for sale in the cafe and as
the punters much through the pudding, if they find a coin they win a prize.
Les buys up the remaining 15 puddings at 75p each and aims to win the top
prize of twenty five quid. So that's 15 puddings x seventy five pee,
carry the one, think of a potato, do some algebra and he still doesn't win.
Betty walks in and asks Roy for the pudding Hayley had put in the fridge
for her earlier, 'tis the winner of course.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
December 20, 2004
Greetings, Merry Christmas and a great big fat jolly
welcome with snow covered boots to this week's Coronation Street update.
As I'll be in the frozen north this time next week, the next update will
be late but it'll come when it's thawed out and sobered up. I
wish all of the weekly update readers a very happy Christmas and hope you
all find a packet of Tunnocks caramel wafers in your stockings. Find out
more at www.tunnock.co.uk before they
take pride of place in Dev's (currently being redeveloped) new corner shop.
Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronaion Street
weekly update.
There's a stash of money goes missing at the factory and as it's the girls
Christmas party money, they're not best pleased. It goes missing at the
same time that Angela starts talking about the computer they're buying for
their young wotsit me laddo (why can't I even remember his name?) and the
girls point stubby fingers of suspicion at Angela and lay the blame squarely
on her head. They're wrong, of course, as Frankie had taken the cash to
the bank not realising it was the party money. Anyway, the girls realise
their mistake only too late and they aren't over the moon at Underworld when
the Christmas party knees-up turns into a downer. That is, until Danny
sends Hayley to get Angela to come along, which she does and then the party
kicks into full swing. A time for sentimentality and too much cheap
plonk, Mike Baldwin and Janice get cosy under the mistletoe and he offers
free kisses all round: "I'm a pussy cat!" he yells as Sean zooms in for a
kiss with his mistletoe and a cry of "Here, kitty, kitty!". Much mirth ensues
and they all end up on the floor doing Whoops Upside Your Head or whatever
it's called. Karen's been on the orange juice now that she's pregnant and
although she's not drinking she joins in with the dancing. But it all
ends in tears; Karen starts to have pains and ends up miscarrying the baby
in the factory loo.
Ashley was planning on Nick coming up to be his best man but Nick rings
to say he's not coming so what's he to do? Well, Claire arranges for Tyrone
to best man as it'll impress Maria but she doesn't tell Ashley, who asks
Martin to be his best man. When Fred hears Ashley asking baby Josh to be
his best man, he assumes Ashley is talking to him, not the babby, and agrees
to the duty now that Yvonne is giving the bride away and he's not needed
there. So now Ashley's got three best men for the wedding on Christmas day.
They decide to chivvy up the chores between the three of them and throw
a coin to decide on who gives the speech. In order to decide who throws
the coin, they have a game of darts and draw straws to decide who's going
to throw first. It's a right old malarky.
Charlie continues to pick faults with Shelley where there are none and
offers himself as her only salvation. Shelley of course, knows what he's
doing's wrong but is too weak to argue. Meanwhile Jason and Violet
have a heart to heart and he tells her he loves her. She pulls away
and says she wants nowt to do with him then admits she's had her heart broken
by an older, married man in the past and didn't want to get too involved
with Jason just yet.
Katy's in the Rovers with some of the young 'uns and kisses Warren under
the mistletoe in full view of Martin who walks in just in time to see this.
It all goes wonderfully wrong for Martin and Katy, she accuses him of acting
like a kid and he accuses her of acting her age. To get revenge on young
Warren, Martin kicks him in the knee in a game of football on the cobbles
and tells him to keep away from his girlfriend in future. Warren's
on crutches and Danny's not happy. He has a go at Martin in the Rovers, telling
him he's a disgrace for lusting after a school girl. When Martin gets back
to the flat Sarah's there to thump a bit of sense into her step dad and tells
him to grow up. Gail, of course, comes round to gloat too.
Cilla finds Chesney looking at ladies lingerie in the catalogue so tells
Les he has to have a word with the boy about the birds and the bees. In
a wonderful scene, Les does his best but Chesney does better and ends up
telling the facts of life to Les. Les is astounded, he didn't know
half this stuff and he certainly didn't know that Chesney was so academic.
Cilla decides that posh Oakhill is the place for Chesney to go and gets
herself an invite to the Christmas fayre. Ah, yes, the Christmas
fayre. When Sally finds out she's not happy that the likes of the Battersbys
are thinking of sending Chesney to the same school as Rosie. "The
only thing we have in common with the Battersbys is our poost coode" says
Sally with a flick of her hair in the direction of her working class husband.
Sally's cooking up a storm for the fayre and putting all the best stuff she
can lay her hands on in the food parcels for the needy to be given away at
the School and forgets to buy anything for the family tea. To
get some attention young Sophie invents an invisible friend, Ebony Rae, whom
Sally ends up killing when she's sucked up by the hoover.
And that's just about that for this week. Merry
Christmas.
Glenda
December 27, 2004
Greetings and a hearty welcome to this week's Coronation
Street update. I hope you've all had a great Christmas. I did. I'm
sitting here listening to my new CD, using my new mouse, wearing my new socks,
and this afternoon I'm off to the panto. Oh, yes I am. Anyway,
without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Oakhill Christmas fayre, remarks Sally, is a long way from the Bessie Street
nativity play last year where Rosie caught nits from one of the three wise
men. However, it's not that far away that the Battersby's can't turn
up with little Chesney. Sally almost chokes on her mince pie when she overhears
the headmaster discussing scholarships for gifted children with Cilla and
Les.
Candice is incandescent with shame when her picture's in the paper after
the Weatherfield Borough Christmas Do. She and Warren are snapped comatose
on the cobbles, with her knickers on display. Candice can't understand how
she got so drunk at the party until it becomes clear that Leanne had spiked
her drinks with vodka.
As Tracy loads up the car to travel to Portsmouth to spend Christmas with
Peter, Karen decides to naff off with the car, little knowing that baby Amy
is strapped into the back seat. Karen's beside herself with grief over her
miscarriage and doesn't know what she's doing so when she jumps into the car
she just drives off and around until Steve rings her to tell her that Amy's
in the car too. Tracy finds the car gone: "The car! The car's gone!
And, er, the kid too!" she yells as the street starts to panic and Deirdre
creases her brow. By the time Steve and Tracy find the car on the red
rec, it's up in flames. This was a wonderful scene, running at the same time
as Rita in the Rovers sung 'Silent Night'. Karen's left the baby
with the Croppers and then Tracy corners Karen in the factory. The
pair of them end up on the Underworld roof, fighting over Steve and Tracy's
got a huge plank of wood she's trying to hit Karen with. Steve manages
to stop them from kiling each other and when it's all over and calmed down,
he tells Karen he wants her to move out, he's had enough. After much
crying, the pair of them split up and Karen dodges off in a cab. Another exit,
another taxi, another empty suitcase acting as a bad prop. Although
the Barlows and Liz tell Tracy to give Steve space, she's straight round there
doing his shopping and takes him up to the flat after he drowns his sorrows
in the Rovers.
The big story this week of course has been Ashley and Claire's wedding,
which was just wonderful, with Josh turning up in his Superman outfit.
Ashley's mum Beryl turns up for the wedding and after the organist goes ill,
Norris does the honours but only knows two songs and so the Peacocks walk
down the aisle to the strains of 'We're All Going on a Summer Holiday' which
was thought preferable to the other song he knew how to play: 'Devil Woman'.
Ashley Sibelius Peacock and Claire Jayne Casey were wed and then walked out
of the church under an arch made of butcher's cleavers and fake snow on the
cobbles. It were right lovely.
Caught up in the spirit of the Peacock's wedding, Katy asks Martin to marry
her and he says no. Unperturbed, she then decides to get pregnant and
stops taking her pills.
The Duckies fall out on Christmas day over summat or nothing and Jack has
his Christmas dinner with Frankie and Danny next door. Tyrone's falling
back in love with Maria and she's doing nowt to stop him but Vera and Jack
are worried she'll hurt him again.
Deirdre gets a phone call from Bev, she's worried about her daughter and
asks to meet Deirdre for a drink and a chat about Shelley and Charlie.
Deirdre agrees to sneak Bev back to the Barlows and tells Shelley her mum
wants to see her. Shelley sneaks away from Charlie's beady eye but won't listen
to what her mother is saying, she tells her she doesn't want to see her again.
Bev asks Deirdre to keep an eye on Charlie's behaviour towards her daughter
as she's sure something very wrong is going on.
Other Christmas events included Sean staying at Eileen's for his turkey
and mince pies; Kirk getting confused and giving Schemicel the nighty he
bought for Cilla and Steve getting marital advice from Vera: "I'm a great
believer in mahogany, me".
And that's just about that for this week - and this Christmas.
Glenda
By Glenda
Young , writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.