May 3, 2004
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update and
many thanks for your support after I moaned last week about how difficult
it can be each week when faced with a blank screen, ink pot and quill.
We've had six episodes of Corrie this week, that's two too many for this
viewer, I mean life's too short to watch that much telly, it's not right.
Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation
Street update.
Sally bought some cheap butter but the butter Sally bought left a bitter
taste in Kevin's mouth when she told him she was making cutbacks on household
spending so there was more left to spend on their Rosie. It's the
day of the audition at the academy and Sally and Kev accompany Rosie who's
hidden behind 3 inches of caked on foundation, blue eye gloss and a demented
smile. Sally's in her element and best suit, scarf nonchalantly
thrown around her neck as she eyes up the academy and spies a future for
her daughter. Just as they're about to go inside, Rosie tells Sally
she doesn't want to it, she's never wanted to do it, it's been Sally's plan
for herself all along. "You're so unhappy because you hate your life!" Rosie
yells at her mum. Sally, Queen of the Street Slap (remember that one
she landed on Natalie years ago?), slaps Rosie round the chops for her honesty.
Rosie's then dumped by Craig for Lisa the love biter at School and she and
Sally have a chat and a cry at home later and the air is somewhat cleared
between them. However, Sally's obvious unhappiness with her situation in
life vents itself later at Kevin before he rushes out to pick up their other
daughter, young wotsherface and some fish and chips.
Fred throws himself into his work to forget what ails his lovesick heart
only to find Penny and Mike drinking in the Rovers and reminding him all
over again. On the golf course with Mike who's trying to make amends
with his friend, Fred bumps into Dennis Stokes from the Chamber of Trade.
Dennis is accompanied by his new, young, lovely lady wife Lilly, a Thai
bride from t'internet. Fred ponders on this, I say, he wonders what to do.
Could love be just a click away for him on www.pliablewomenboughtforcashbysadfatoldmen.com?
Cilla lies to Les and tells him she's going to a mate's for a fewdays
but Chesney overhears his mum planning to spend the time with 'Uncle' Ronnie
Dudgen, a bad lot if ever there was one. Fiz is determined to
show Les what Cilla's up to and camera in hand, tries to snap photos of drunken
Cilla with Ronnie as they stumble back to his house after a night in the
pub. Before Fiz can focus, Cilla spots her daughter and tells her to
stop interfering in her business. Chesney's too scared to say anything
in case he's put into care so it's left to Fiz to break the news to Les when
Cilla returns. Les knows there's only one person he can believe and
that's little Chesney so he's heartbroken when Ches says it's all true. Consoled
by cheap lager, Les cries into his pint and throws Cilla out. Off she
goes in a taxi, leaving Chesney stranded on the cobbles with Schmeichel in
his arms. (I know... I gave in and looked up the correct spelling
on Google). Rita finds Chesney at the bus stop waiting for a bus to
London where he's going to find a job and takes him and Schmeichel in for
the night, letting Fiz know that he's ok.
Ashley's invited to tea with Claire's mum, Mrs Casey. It's all very
bay window and rather tense, the woman clearly doesn't approve of Claire's
relationship with Ashley and says her daughter's being used as "emotional
Elastoplast" to cover Ashley's hurt at losing Maxine. Anyway, turns
out Mrs C. is a widow herself and is somewhat over protective of young Claire
and not entirely pleasant towards Ashley. Ashley knows he loves and
wants to be with Claire and asks her to move in wi'him. When Mrs C. catches
wind of this, she's straight round there for an inspection of premises and
as you'd imagine, it falls short, well short, of her expectations. Claire
knows she has to break free from her mother but isn't yet ready to move in
with Ashley. The perfect compromise appears in the shape of the spare room
in the flat above the salon and Claire agrees to move in with Candice and
Fiz.
And finally this week, Candice's boyfriend Tim returns from his ski-ing
trip and nips round to the flat for a quickie with the hairdresser.
After looking forward to his return for ages, Candice was hoping for a
present, a bit of conversation and a cup of tea with Tim but he clearly
had other plans and walks out of the flat when Candice complains.
Maria tells Candice that Tim was only after a booty call and they have to
explain the expression to Audrey in the Rovers. "Ooh, they've got
a name for it now?" she says.
Karen's also got a (red) booty call on her mind when she casts her eye
over a pair of spiked heel red leather boots she can't afford and Steve
says she can't have. Needless to say, she buys them of course and in the
scene of the week walks them into the cab office for Steve to see them in
all their expense and glory.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
May 10, 2004
Here we go again with another weekly update full of
wishful thinking with a cherry on the top and a cream slice on the
side. And one of them pineapple melbas; and try not to squash the box while
you're at it. And so, without any further ado, let's get
on with the confection that is the Coronation Street weekly update
Fred decides to find love on th'internet and search for a Thai bride.
He looks for a suitable photo to post on the website and realising it's best
to be honest, he discards the old picture of the handsome, dark haired stunner
he used to be (honestly) and gives his mate Dennis a recent picture of the
fat, jowled butcher he's become. Dennis says he'll post the photo
to the website with Fred's personality profile: "Generous, wealthy, kind."
and list of interests: "Pursuit of the perfect sausage". Dennis assures
Fred that the love of a Thai lady is very close at hand. Unfortunately for
Fred, it's closer than he thinks. Dennis takes the photo to am exotic looking
lippy market trader and the two of them have a giggle over yet another punter
they're going to rip the wallet away from and the heart out of. Meanwhile,
Fred takes to jogging, salads and mineral water in an attempt to shape up
his broad band.
Rita and Les have a chat about Chesney and Les starts to realise he could
do worse than look after the kid. In a wonderful scene, Les gets a call
from Steve at Streetcabs who tells him there's a young man wanting a ride
to that London. When Les gets to the cab office he finds Chesney there
with some coins in his hand and the ever-growing-huge-puppy Schmeichel
on his lap, wondering if he's got enough money to get them both to the smoke.
Les puts Chesney in the cab and drives him to his house. "But this
isn't London!" says Chesney. "No, but it's your home." says Les. Realising
he's on to a good thing, Chesney wastes no time in dobbing off school,
buying lollies for Schmeichel and playing Les, Fiz and Kirk off against
each other by getting dinner money and pocket money from as many of them
as possible as often as he can. With Cilla out of the way,
Les turns his attentions to Janice and the two of them celebrate their decree
absolute with drinks and some chips. Although Les hopefully wore his snakeskin
pulling jacket on their 'date', Janice is keeping him at arm's length, for
now.
Mike gets Underworld up and running again after paying Charlie the builder
cash in hand to get the work finished ahead of schedule. The girls
are back at work but Mike fails to secure an order he was banking on when
exaggerated, wrong rumours of his bankruptcy spread around the rag trade.
Harry gets the girls to sign their names in a card so he can trace any graffiti
in the freshly painted ladies toilet back to the perpetrator. Janice's
handwriting looks suspiciously familiar to Harry: "So it was you who wrote
the limerick about the Bishop of Wick!"
It's Maria's 21st birthday and there's a party in the flat. Candice hovers
by the door waiting for her Tim to turn up, which he eventually does, to
an earful from Audrey about the way he's treating young Candice. There's
karaoke in the corner and the Duckies duet after Vera tracks Jack at the
party when he should have been home for tea. Nick takes Maria outside
and gives her an engagement ring as a birthday present, which was nice.
And finally this week, is it on or is it off? Is he in or is he out?
And do we really care any more? Katy susses out that Karl and Todd are
an item so Karl tells Todd it's all off. Then Todd and Karl end up in bed
together in the flat just as Sarah starts to walk up the stairs.
Then it all turned a bit Brian Rix, with a semi-naked man and lots of doors.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
May 17, 2004
Here we are again with another weekly update slightly
later than usual this week but there's been things to do, people to see,
football to watch, cakes to eat. And so, without any further ado here
we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
A drunken Janice and a desperate Les get merry on cheap vodka as they
toast to friendship on the sofa in Les' front room. Cheap vodka,
as anyone who's ever drunk it will know, can cause all sorts of problems
and in this case leads Janice and Les by the hand up the stairs and to bed.
Next morning Jan's regretting her night of passion and tries to slip away
quietly without being seen. Too late. Kirkeh spies her and spreads the word
to Fiz and the girls. Les thinks he's on to a good thing and hopes that the
two of them can get back together while Janice just wants to forget it ever
happened.
Sally's spent so much time and energy coaching their Rosie into stardom
she's hardly noticed her other daughter go through face-altering plastic
surgery just to get some attention. Yes, there's a new Sophie on the
street and Sally spies swimming skills in her offspring. The school
needs volunteers to help out at the pool and Sophie's distraught to hear
Sally's offered to help and coach her young daughter. At Rosie's
parents evening at School, Sally and Kev discover Rosie does have talent
after all * in chewing gum, being lazy and strangely, being good at maths.
It all adds up to a glint in Sally's eye as she calculates a career as a
professional mathematician for her filial first born.
The Todd and Karl saga rumbles along. Katy knows everything, Sarah knows
nothing. What will Katy do next?
At the salon flat Claire's being taken for granted. Her cooking
and cleaning skills outweigh those of Fiz and Candice and little Chesney
does his best to persuade Claire he hasn't eaten for days when he's just
had dinner with Les. But Claire's not such a soft touch as her flatmates
think and after she finds Fiz and Kirk have been sleeping in her room,
she throws a wobbly. Claire moves all the rubbish in the flat into Fiz and
Candice's rooms. Trying to bring a bit of order to the flat, she draws
up a rota of chores and makes Fiz and Candice pull their weight around the
place. If they don't, she threatens to move out, leaving Fiz and Candice
to pay extra rent that they can't afford.
She's more Bolton than Bangkok but Fred stumps up for the urr-furr and
she miraculously appears at the airport the day after Dennis posts Fred's
picture on the net. Oh, what a web of deceit this is. Dennis
drives Orchid Pattiya, for that is what Dennis has named her, to the airport
and she mingles with the crowds coming in from the Thailand flight.
Fred loses his heart to Orchid, mysterious flower of the East and the blokes
in the Rovers drool when they meet her. Betty's not best pleased to
see Fred make a fool of himself over "Thailand Tilly" and Audrey and Mike
do their best to give him some advice. But it's no good, he won't listen,
even if he is 30 years older than she. Ashley and Claire are stuck for
words when they meet her, they can't believe what Fred's gone and done this
time. Orchid says she can't stay at the Rovers, it would be improper,
so she's staying with the cousin of an uncle's daughter or something, which
means in reality, she's going to stay in her own home while she and Dennis
fleece Fred for all that he's worth, I say, for every penny.
Candice witters on about how wonderful boyfriend Tim is but Fiz and Maria
know he's not all he seems. When Candice and Tim are in her bedroom, probably
reading Harry Potter or something, Maria goes through Tim's jacket pockets
and finds a gold wedding ring. Audrey confronts Tim in the Rovers and
he spins a line about it belonging to his brother - it's only Candice that
believes him. Audrey warns the girls that she was just like Candice
at her age, wanting to believe everything every man ever told her. "I've
got our Gail to prove it." she says wistfully.
Shelley gets a date with Charlie but he rings to cancel when some last
minute building work comes in. Bev takes the call and Betty overhears
but Bev doesn't pass on the message to her daughter. So, Shelley gets dolled
up, trussed up and waits, and waits, and waits in the Rovers for Charlie to
appear. When he strolls in 3 hours later she gives him a piece of her
mind and won't believe he left a message with her mother. It's left to Betty
to tell Shelley the truth but warns her not to be too harsh on her mum.
Harsh? I'd give the old jealous cow a slap, I really would.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
May 24, 2004
Here I am again with another weekly wotsit. It's late
this week as I'm having a few days holiday - routine was the first thing to
go and the last thing on my mind. But here I am finally so without any
further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Candice dumps the shampoo smoothy after his wife bursts into the salon
yelling: "Which one of you's the slut that's trying to seduce my 'usband?".
Audrey and Maria resist the temptation to say they told her so, even though
they did, and take Candice to the Rovers for a drink and an hurdresser's
hug. When Tim pops back to the salon to explain to Candice, she dribbles
Tropical Sunrise shampoo all over his head.
Shelly goes on her date with Charlie the builder, he wines and dines her
and then offers her his bed while he sleeps on the couch. Meanwhile
Bev makes on that she's met a fella of her own and says she's out on a date
wi'him so it teks a bit of explaining when Ken and Deirdre say they saw
her coming out of the cinema, alone.
Fred's distraught to hear Orchid upset when she gets a call at the Rovers
from a relative in Thailand calling to say her father's taken ill.
The phone call's a scam, it's Dennis sitting in his car outside the
pub telling Orchid it's time to up the stakes with Fred and get money out
of him. As Orchid rushes off, Fred wonders what it'll take to make
her stay in Weatherfield and not rush back to th'East to tend her poorly
dad. Dennis comes up with a plan, suggests to Fred he pays the nursing
fees so Orchid's dad is well cared for and she won't have to leave.
Fred writes out a cheque for five grand despite Ashley pleading with him
not to be so daft. Anyway, Ashley gets more suspicious about this Orchid
lass when she's invited to dinner at th'Elliot's only to clam up when asked
any questions about Thailand. Fred's not best pleased and asks Ashley
to show some respect to his future mother-in-law who has agreed to marry
the great bit lummox. Later in the pub Harry overhears Dennis and thinks
there's summat funny going on so he jumps in his car and follows Dennis to
the market. He spies Orchid (aka Stacey from Levershulme) selling cheap
pants and socks and rushes back to tell Ashley. Telling Fred that Orchid
wants to see him at the market to discuss material for the bridesmaids' frocks,
Ashley leads Fred to Stacy's stall and the truth sinks in at last.
Dennis is with Stacy and Fred blasts the pair of them: "Common tart! Filthy
pimp! I want these two deadlegs incarcerated!"
Because of the football, we had three episodes of Corrie in one night,
much of it taken up with the Todd and Sarah storyline, an emotional wrangle
that had me in tears and as a Corrie fan first and the Corrie weekly update
writer second, I didn't write much, just watched as they acted their hearts
out as Todd told Sarah he was gay. You just have to watch this, I don't
have the words to explain it as well as it was done. As the truth
hits Sarah she and Todd are in bits, confused and angry. Sarah packs
and moves back in with a gobsmacked Gail while Todd trundles across the road
to an understanding Eileen. When Gail found out that Eileen knew all
along, she's over there in her dressing gown banging on her door and shouting
the odds. A crowd, as is usual on such an occasion, gathers in the street
with Norris taking front row as Eileen and Gail battle it out on the cobbles.
This was fantastic. Loads of insults, loads of home-truths, loads of
dirty washing being well and truly washed in public. When Jason finds
Todd in the middle of the fracas he can't handle his brother being gay and
snubs him. Best bit by far was Nick being belted round the chops by
Jason when he sees Nick having a go at Todd. Todd thanks Jason but
in reply he says: "If I hadn't hit him, I would have hit you - and
I wouldn't have known when to stop, you dirty queer".
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
May 31, 2004
Here we go again with another weekly update, the only
thing better than a Pineapple Mivvi on a hot summer's day. What
do we want? One episode of Corrie! When do we want it? Monday, Wednesday,
Friday and Sunday! Not seven episodes a week, no, stop! And so,
without any further urdo here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.
Fred blames Mike for setting him up with Dennis and Orchid but it's not
Mike's fault and anyway, Mike's got more on his mind when his nephew Danny
turns up. Mike's given him a 50% stake in Underworld. Did Mike get
the Under and Danny get the World? Danny's played by Bradley Walsh,
and I waited ages for him to use his catchphrase: "It's only a puppet!"
but apparantly that belongs to someone else - with a similar face, similar
hair and a similar career in light entertainment. I know nowt about Bradley
Walsh but he's right good at being Danny, well he made me smile anyway.
Not five minutes in the factory and he's got Hayley giggling and pretending
she's his secretary. Sonia gets her custard creams out for him. "Where's
me tea, Ahm garrspin'!" and he gets the measure of the girls especially
Janice - "Who's the gobby one?" and Karen - "..and the bolshie one?".
He's from that London, a ducker and diver, a bit of a geezer who's Porsche
gets towed away when it turns out it still belongs to his last boss. He gets
into a fight with Les and they both get black eyes. Then when the alarm goes
off in the factory Tommy rushes in and tackles Danny to the ground. Another
black eye and one for Tommy too. Buying the drinks in the Rovers for
the girls after he turns Underworld into a sweatshop and has them working
through their dinner with a pie and a cake, Danny's overjoyed to see Mike
walk in the pub. With his arms round Les and Tommy and black eyes on
the three of 'em, Danny tells his uncle: "Meet me two new best mates!".
Oh yeah, and, framed by Tunnock's teacakes on the top shelf of the corner
shop, Danny's already set his sights on Sunita.
Gail and Martin help Sarah pack her things at the flat and she moves back
in with Gail. More tears. Todd's confused but Jason manages to
stop being so homophobic towards him, although he's still got a long way to
go. David sprays graffiti on Eileen's door and it's all a bit of a
mess, the door and the situation. Sarah collapses in pain in the cafe
and is taken to t'hospital where she's having a miscarriage as I type.
Todd's beside himself with anger when he turns up at t'hospital and Gail lays
the blame squarely on his head. Like a fedora of guilt, or maybe a beret of
blame. Audrey's beside herself with emotion and you know she's having a bit
of a moment when her Audrey accent wobbles and slips into Lady Sue mode,
which she did in the Oasis cafe when she spies Todd with Karl. Meanwhile,
Katy tells Martin she'd known all along about Todd being gay. Martin - a
waste of space if ever there was one, I mean, isn't he? Anyway, he
finishes with Katy and she goes home to her parents who are overjoyed to
have her back but overdo the tea and bacon sandwich (aka sympathy) somewhat.
The social worker comes to see Les about Chesney as the lad's been bunking
off school. It's because of the puppy that Chesney's been missing school so
Shmeicel goes to live with Kirkeh at the kennels before the Dane became too
Great and filled every camera angle. Fiz is beside herself with worry,
she can't let Chesney go into care and between her and Les they decide to
looka fter Chesney proper. Just as well then, as the social worker says Chesney
can stay where he is as long as he's in school every day. Well not
every day, it's half-term this week and Les forgets all about it, sending
Chesney off in his uniform when most other kids were at the flicks watching
Harry Potter and kicking the seat of the person in front of them, and throwing
sweet wrappers around and shuffling across the row of seats 16 times to go
to the toilet through the film.
Steve's got a buyer for Eileen's house. It's the perfect solution to pay
off the wedding debts but all Karen can think is the best way to spend when
the cheque arrives. With Eileen an emotional wreck at the minute what
with her Todd being gay, her Jason being thick and her grandson little 9 weeks
premature Billy Grimshaw's life in the balance, Steve tells Karen to keep
schtum about the house sale.
Tracy's trolled off to Portsmouth with the baby to visit Peter. I
don't know why I'm telling you this, there was no real story involved, but
she's gone.
And that's just about that for this week. 7 episodes a week doth not
a longer update make.
Glenda
By Glenda
Young , writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.