May 5, 2003
Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. It's late again I know but it's all these bank holiday long lazy weekends and it's kind of hard to get back into the swing of things sometimes.  But anyway, here I am in body if not in spirit (and I'm not even sure about the body at the minute) without any further ado for another Coronation Street weekly update.
Poor Steve.  There he is at work in Streetcars and there's the thud-thud-thud-ping-wobble-wahey-thud-thud-thud of the bed in the flat above as Joe and Karen are at it.  You know, it.  Helped by Jason and given courage by beer Steve exercises his landlord's right and goes into Joe's flat while he's at work.  He bundles all Joe's stuff into boxes and dumps it in front of Joe and Karen as they leave work at the factory. Not that this does any good as Karen promptly moves Joe into the flat next door with her.  Meanwhile back at the Grimshaw's, Eileens' got more than enough on her plate now that Jason's back and Todd's trying to study so she suggests that Steve moves into Joe's vacated flat.  She even goes with him to tidy things up, ah bless.

Poor Vera.  There she is having her hair done at the salon thinking she's getting a good deal when really she's getting done over. Audrey leaves Maria and Candice to get on with the job and Vera ends up with (Cadbury) purple hair.  Anyway, Vera continues to give Gail a hard time over losing her life savings to that Richard Hillman bloke and ends up throwing a stone through Gail's front window.  David comes to Gail's defence and retaliates by throwing a stone through Vera's front window too.  Jack manages to calm things down and invites young David into the house to explain himself.  He tells Vera how his mam cries at night over the way Richard ruined their lives and it isn't her fault that Vera lost her money. It's a lovely scene and Vera makes up with Gail in the end.

Poor Gail.  There she is saddled with debts and the solicitor can only bring her bad news.  Seems as though Richard took out all sorts of loans on their joint accounts and even the money from the sale of the flats won't be enough to repay the bank what they're owed.  There's only one thing for it, she'll have to sell the house and when Audrey hears about it she offers to have them all move in with her.  Sarah's hoping to move into a flat with young Todd-me-laddo but Gail is against it.

Poor Rosie.  There she is all of 12 years old and wishes she'd never been born.  Kevin and Sally aren't sure what's happened to their sweet little daughter when she starts wearing make up, demanding a mobile phone and brings home her two new best mates, Jezebel and Lolita. While Sally's a bit more understanding, Kev is furious with Rosie's behaviour, especially when she gets her belly button pierced, runs off to Birmingham to audition for a girl pop band, loses her purse and gets brought home by a copper.

Poor Jack.  He wins £250 in a competition but needs £300 to pay the phone bill for cover all these competition calls he's been making. He also wins 3 year's supply of bathroom requisites with his winning slogan: "Delecto, the lav you must have".  There was a lovely scene this week between Jack and Vera after Vera makes up with Gail.  As the Duckies share a beer and think on about all they have got, rather than what they've not, Vera gets that glint in her eye and leads Jack up to bed.  Flamin' Nora.

Poor Les.  Not.  Kirk is so convinced that Les is innoent of all charges of beating up the copper that he arranges a staged fight in the Rovers with Swanny the ex-boxer. The plan is for Swanny to pick a fight with Kirk at the bar, Les will step in and close the fight down and be hailed as the hero of the hour. Of course it all goes wrong and Les and Kirk end up with black eyes.  No one will act as a character witness for Les, which is hardly surprising, and his court date is a week on Monday. Curly, meanwhile, is finding it harder to excuse Emma's actions and when she invites him for a drink with Janice and Mick in the Rovers, he's clearly unhappy about having to compromise his principles.

And finally this week Fred looks forward to putting more of his sausage the way of Petula Peach the abbatoir heiress  - but more of that next week.

And that's just about that for this week.

Glenda
 

May 12, 2003

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. This is my last update for a while as I'm taking a break from writing the updates.  I love Coronation Street and I enjoy writing the updates but I also have a life.  And for the next three weeks I'm going to enjoy my favourite telly programme without the notepad and pen. Fortunately, dear reader, the updater's chair will be kept warm in my absence as Richard Whitbread will be here next week and John Dean for the following two weeks.  But for now, without any further ado, here we go with this week's Coronation Street update.

Vera's over the moon when she gets a phone call to tell her Jack's won them a dream house in one of his competitions.  She witters on about moving up and out of the slums until Jack's prize home arrives on the back of the lorry; it's a green house, not a dream house. Mind you, Jack soon sets plan to grow orgasmic vegetables in it and sell them from his allotment.

Emily's still worried that she'll lose her house after her dodgy dealings with that Richard Hillman bloke so Norris obliges by telling her he'll get a mortgage to buy the house and she can stay on as lodger.  He tells her there'll have to be some changes which include a book of rules and regulations and redecorating involving a recurring fleur-de-lys motif  but it all comes to nowt after Gail tells Emily her investment is safe and Norris is told he's too old to take out a mortgage.

Fred has a date with Petula Peach the abatoir heiress but isn't that keen on her, I say he's not that impressed to find she's got a rather nasty habit of repeating everything she says.   I think she should have stuck around a bit longer, she had that look of Stella Rigby about her and you just knew that her car was a Rover.  "I thought strees like this only existed in Catherine Cookson's" she tells Fred when she collects him for their date.

After Audrey told Gail last week that she'd bail her out by paying off her debts, she finds out this week that her investments have plummeted (Coronation Street episodes can go down as well as up).  Unable to face turning her family out of their home, Audrey takes out a loan to give Gail the money and then worries incessantly about it.

Joe and Karen get cosy this week as he gives her a gold chain (Karen: "Is it real?", Janice: "It makes you look like Jimmy Saville") and she takes off her wedding ring in the Rovers in front of Steve.   In the factory, Karen wants to prove her worth and tries her best to understand Underworld's expenses but Joe's not best pleased she's fishing in the finances.  Karen says she wants to understand computers and has signed up for a Wollie (Weatherfield Online Learning Initiative) so she can be an online hooker. "Hacker, Karen" Joe tells her "The word's hacker".  Mind you, she was probably right the first time and will soon be entering data in those financial spread-yer-legs-sheets.  Joe's increasingly concerned that Karen's questioning invoices from one certain company and eventually has to come clean with her. He's siphoning off money from Underworld to feather his own nest and wants her to join him in his plan.  Karen takes some persuading but after he takes her to a show flat and lures her with a roof terrace and designer kitchen, she tells him she's in on the scam.

Sarah wants to spend more time with Todd but Gail's concerned that she's not spending enough time revising for her exams.  Eileen's cool about the fact that Sarah and Todd want to spend the night together there but Gail makes a big fuss then dumps Bethany on the Grimshaws. Then Sarah tells Gail she's going to move to Oxford with Todd and Gail creates another scene when all she needs do is let it all pass, calm down and be forgotten.  Overhearing Todd, Jason and Sarah talking about Eileen's favouritism for one of her sons, Eileen's shocked into taking the comments to  heart. After splashing out to buy Todd a computer last week this week she buys Jason a car, and this from the woman who can't afford herself a decent perm.

Young Adam up in Scotland returned to the Street this week after being kicked out of school for drinking.  No one knew he was coming so no one's prepared, especially Mike, and Adam goes to stay in the Rovers with uncle Peter, where he's given a warm welcome and pie and chips from Bev.

And that's just about that for this week and for the next 3 weeks from me. Many thanks to Richard and John for their upcoming updates.

Glenda

May 19, 2003
This week's update written by K Richard Whitbread.  Glenda is away (with the pixies)
Hi Glenda fans.  Thanks to Glenda for letting me slip into the hot seat this week.  Sadly after volunteering real life interrupted and I am little late in making my record of events in Weatherfield.
Central story this week has been trial of Les Battersby.  At the start of the week Les is in despair but his mood rapidly improves when Kirk's advertising turns up a witness who saw the entire brutal incident.  Dave
is homeless and has been in hospital with TB but id clearly an ideal witness.  Once Les has dragged Dave off to see his brief he returns and soon everyone in sight knows that he has a witness supporting his version of events.  Curly has had numerous discussions with Emma over telling the truth but the knowledge that a witness exists finally
convinces her to do the honourable thing and eventually she and Curly are somewhat reconciled once she agrees to tell the truth despite the problems it will cause.

This week Norris is on jury service and is seen trying to convince another juror that he should be the foreman - when he files into the courtroom it is of course for Les's trial so he instantly asks to be relieved.  In the public gallery Blanche congratulates Janice on supporting her husband - but is corrected.  She is there to support
Mick.

Outside the Court it becomes clear to Emma and Mick that Dave has vanished and Mick leans on Emma to change her mind again.  She tries to get him to relent but she fails.  When she enters court to give evidence
she consults her notebook and the agreed story is given.  She supports Mick despite the questioning from Les's barrister.  Curly isdisappointed.  Emma admits she was scared of the consequences of telling the truth - she was a coward.  At this point Dave arrives and gives evidence.  His story contradicts the police.  Even the judge is
sympathetic to Dave.  Finally Les decides he has to have his say. Although warned not to do so he gives his side of story and not surprisingly this gives the prosecution the opportunity to parade Les's past convictions, including his previous conviction for assault.

Mick is re-examined but his past good record and commendations are paraded to convince the jury that the police are always to be believed and after a short period they return and announce a guilty verdict.  The judge takes into Les's lack of remorse and his desire to blacken the reputation of police officers to underpin his vendetta.  She sentences him to six months.  Les knows it is all wrong.

Over at Underworld meanwhile the next crime of the century steps up a gear as Joe identifies a way of speeding up the fraud.  Having got Karen working with him he now convinces her that faking Mike's signature on a
cheque paying one of the unreal Artrek invoices will speed up their wealth increase.

Anyway Mike's eye is off the ball as he is distracted by Adam, the latter using every known skill to attract attention from his family members.  Mike suggests a holiday away with Adam but the latter refuses and tries to chat up Candice - who is having none of it and she hands out some great put downs every time he tries his luck.  Peter is feeling bad about his treatment of Adam and the latter plays on this talkingPeter into taking him to Plymouth for a few days and taking Shelley with them.  Eventually Bev convinces Fred that she is a safe pair of hands to
run the Rovers whilst Shelley is away after defusing yet another row between Joe, Karen and Steve.  Bev is in her element and she has decided to stay with Shelley for the foreseeable future (hooray says I - a great
addition to the Street) and not become remote with only odd phone calls.

Mike without Adam around decides that all of the paperwork at Underworld needs a full audit and tells Joe and Karen that it was about time their systems arrived in the current century.  Given Joe's ongoing scam this
gives Karen a chance to start worrying.  Mike sets about the paperwork and they give him the April invoices - where all is well.  After a while Mike realises he is looking at last month and asks for May.  Joe says
May and thinks about it before asking Karen to find them.  She prevaricates and both look as guilty as sin (Mike really is going off the boil completely - normally he would be boiling staff in oil for this sort of treatment).  Eventually Mike is given the May invoices.

There are a lot of Artrek invoices and oddly none of the delivery notes are attached.  So Mike asks for the delivery notes from Joe.  He saysthey should be attached - Mike agrees - where are they he says.  Then he asks Karen - has she actually got these materials in stock.  She looks and sounds confused before admitting that they must be somewhere, it is just that they are so busy and there are so many different materials - but she did not convince me!

At which point the phone goes.  Adam asks Mike to join the rest of them in Plymouth for a holiday and Mike's forgets the invoices, praises Joe and Karen on the job they are doing and departs at high speed to the south coast.  Joe re-assures Karen that they will get away with it - especially if they (she) signs some more of those cheques.

Katy and her father are at the hospital - he is in for a check up on his recovery and surprise, surprise they run into (no not Cilla) Martin who tells them about an upcoming fun run to raise money which he is going to join.  Katy volunteers as well and later Sarah, Todd and Jason join them on a training run.  Candice goes for a bacon butty.  Martin and Katy return but everyone else has gone missing.  After several training sessions it is just the two of them, so they don't go.  And then later on they meet, banter and decide to go running just the two of them. (Martin would be had up for child molesting if the actress playing Katy was not about 25).

Steve and Joe and Karen continue the three way discussions from time to time in the Rovers.  But is Karen completely over Steve - is she doing anything about that divorce?  In particular Steve winds Karen up by puttinghis arm round the nearest girl (Tracy this week) to give her something to think about.

Whilst everyone was at the court Sunita was looking after Ben the babyand working in the shop.  Eventually whilst Deirdre is shopping it all becomes too much and the latter offers to take over the shop.  Dev returns from his holiday a day early (does anyone do this ever?) andfinds Dreary in the shop.  They exchange polite even friendly
 conversation and Dev thanks her (and agrees to pay her) for her unexpected contribution.

Blanche is getting on well with Wally and tells us what a nice place he has - she anticipates more out of this relationship than Archie.

And the new family who were under witness protection decide that they like it round here and so will be staying.  And they won't be Nelson any longer - it will be Harris and they should have a house warming party.
And the invitations and preparations go on in the background during the week.

And that is it from me - John Dean will be here for the next two weeks - good luck lad.

K Richard Whitbread


May 26, 2003

Written by John Dean (Glenda is taking a break from the updates)

Here we are - back in the old familiar seat. Oh - new title sequence for the Street? A Narrator's voice . 'Valgaeren to Mjallby to Larrson .' wait - with those names it must be a Scottish Football Team. B*****r - I'm on the wrong side.

This is more like it - Curly still sulking and refusing to go for a celebratory drink with his wife, Mick and Janice (That's three people, BTW not 'his wife Mick' and Janice).  A transformed Dev presents Sunita with a
new sari all the way from Mumbai. And Claire the Babysitter has made stew and dumplings so Ashley invites her to the Harris's / Nelsons' party. Kirk is upset that his best mate is in jail and now he'll have no-one to
talk to after the pubs shut. Fizz suggests he gets a cat. Blanche invites Wally round for salmon sandwiches (but doesn't cut the crusts off - what will he think?) And as Janice and Mick walk home we get the classic dialogue :
Jan - I wonder what Les is doing now? Mick - About six months actually.

Joe and Karen are still writing cheques for improbably large amounts - the latest one is for eight grand. Don't they know Mike has an accountant?

The Harris's party goes with a bang. Well, a dull thud. The Grrrlz from theFactory have bought the family a new house sign - Dunhidin.  (Will they buy one for Les - Dunactin? Oh, wait, he never started in the first place.)
K-k-k-Katie's c-c-c-crush on Martin becomes evident when she beats him three nil at football in the back garden. And even more evident when she springs on him and applies the deadly Weatherfield liplock.

Kirk and Fizz visit Les in jail. (Isn't it funny how all the prisoners who get visitors are on the netball team?). It turns out all the other consthink he's a hero for sticking one on a copper, but this doesn't cheer him up. 'I can't do 6 months', he moans to Kirk. (Well, as Lord Chief Justice Goddard once said to the prisoner in the dock who said he was too old to do seven years 'Just do as much as you can') Emma is called in to see the Super. She expects a rollicking but gets a promotion. (Funny coincidence - that used to happen to me. Oh, wait, it was the other way round).  There's an Inspector's post lined up for her to 'get her out of the way of reprisals' when Les is released. But she can't tell anyone because the Inspector she is replacing doesn't yet know he's going to be transferred. (Now that *did* happen to me). So obviously she tells Curly and Mick. Curly doesn't want the champagne she has bought and tells Emma she has crossed the line. Emma tells him he's not living in the real world, a she has to. 'I killed a man. You have to decide whether Ben looks better in red or blue'. Oo-er. Still, if you put it that way . Curly delivers his ultimatum - choose between your marriage and your job because you can't have both.

Steve goes round to see Karen and tries to start a row for old times sake. She can't be provoked. This *really* upsets Steve - 'What happened to hating me? I slept with another woman in our bed'. But Karen can't summon the energy for a row. She just wants a divorce. She finally takes the wedding ring off her necklace. Steve concedes - he will admit to adultery to expedite the divorce. But he hopes his partner in adultery doesn't have to be named. 'Oh aye' says Karen 'Do yer still remember 'er name then?'  She is well ahead on points here. Later a pair of jiggly bazooms enter the Rovers closely followed by Karen who buys Steve a pint for auld lang syne, prompting Shelleyto ask Steve if things are now OK between them. 'Oh Aye', says Steve, 'We're thinking of going on Mr and Mrs' ( N. America 'Newlywed game' ).  Karen confirms that she and Steve are about to make two Solicitors
very happy.  Deirdre's opinion is that Steve and Karen getting together has saved another couple from having a hard time.

Meantime Wally has come round to see Blanche. Since she isn't there he offers to be her grand-daughter's sugar daddy. As yer do. Tracy is outraged.Until she subsequently discovers that Wally is a retired millionaire. At which point she smiles her scary Callisto smile and has obviously decided that a sugar daddy who actually has a lot of sugar is not such a bad idea after all.

Kirk and Fizz organise a Les Battersby memorial BBQ (if only!) in the back garden with sausages and Status Quo to wind Curly up. Which works fine. He has another go at Emma who threatens to remove Ben as she is the Mother and the Breadwinner. So Curly locks her out of the house and throws her clothes out of the window in a bin bag. The neighbours come out to watch, obviously. Emma harangues them 'D'yer mind? This is private'. 'Not' as Norris wisely points out 'very'. And Fizz suggests Emma should arrest Curly for a breach
of the peace.

Todd and Emma discuss the reality of 'living in a scuzzy bed-sit in Oxford'. Excuse me? Scuzzy? Oxford? I think not. Dev arrives in the Rovers where Deirdre is explaining that Dev is easy going now that he has split with Tracey whereas she, Deirdre, is all wound up because Tracey has come back home. Seeing Dev standing at the bar with Deirdre & Sunita, Tracey asks if he is holding a meeting of the Dev Alahan Fan Club. 'Just the Weatherfield branch' says old smoothie-chops. He asks Sunita out and she turns up for the date looking gorgeous in herspecial-present sari. But Dev is late because Steve lets him down and Sunita has gone. He phones to explain but she won't listen.

All excellent stuff, and proof you don't need serial killers to have gripping story-lines.

See Ya next week!

John Dean

By Glenda Young , writer of Coronation Street Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.


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