I've got good news and bad news for you about next week's update. The bad news is that there won't be an update next week (boo, hiss!) but the good news (for me) is that I'm off on holiday to the peaceful and relaxing New Forest (hurrah!). I'll bring you two week's updates next time I see you in two week's time.
There's a treat in store for all Chris fans this week - you get to see him in his undies! Angie gets Chris and Samantha to model the underwear at a fashion shoot. Chris isn't keen to strip off at first until he sees Samantha in her frillies, and then he's all for it. The photographer encourages the two models to cuddle for the camera but Angie is unhappy that Chris is getting too close to Samantha. After the shoot, Chris asks Samantha out for a drink but she tells her she thought he and Angie were a couple, and declines. Much, much later, Chris tells Angie that if she wants them to be a couple, he'd be happy for them to get together, and off they go up the apples and pears together, and an awkward few days follows afterwards with both of them unsure what to do next. Why are Coronation Street relationships always so blinkin' complicated?
Meanwhile, at the arcade, Judy takes Gary along for support in case the yob and his girlfriend come back for more blackmail money. The yobette shows up, and Judy manhandles her out of the arcade, assuming she wanted the money for drugs, but she is devastated when she finds out that the girl is pregnant and Judy's money was to pay for an abortion. The news is a shock to both Judy and Gary, but makes them think again about their own infertility and they decide to go to the doctor for tests.
Natalie and Kevin... what can I say? I've had enough of the "I want ya/leave me alone" "I love ya/I'm leaving ya" routine. Suffice to say that Sally doesn't come back this week although we are treated to a shot of Sally on the phone to Kev telling him that she's staying with her mother for a while longer. While Sally's away, Kev and Natalie do the naughty again at her house but as I've said, this affair is totally unbelievable and a bit tiring. I've become a bit bored with Kevin Webster so I've wrote a song about him instead of giving you an update. Sing it along to the tune of "The Wanderer", if you like.
Well, he's got Sophie on the left
And then there's Rosie on the right
And Natalie is the one
That he'll be with tonight
And when you ask him, which one he loves the best
He throws open his overalls and there's Sally on his chest
Well, he's fond-of-her
Very fond-of-her
His storyline goes round and round and round...
Ahem, sorry. Must stop drinking so much of that (£1.29 for 2 litres) wine when I'm writing the updates each week.
If there's one thing I hate about women who wear black underwear under a white blouse, it's when their bra strap slides down their arm and they appear not to have noticed. I give Liz McDonald the benefit of the doubt, but she could have been making a fashion statement, who knows? Anyway, she's got a new job behind the bar of the Warwick Hotel and both Deirdre and Maureen turn up there for a girl's night out and as fate would have it, it's singles night. While Maureen gets chatted up by none other than Fred Elliott, Deirdre gets the glad eye from a bloke professing to be an airline pilot. (Pull the other one, it's got bells on it, you're thinking).
Well, the other one has indeed got bells on it because Jon the airline pilot has put a smile on Deirdre's face and makes her sigh contentedly. She meets him again at Sunliners when he pops in to see her and they meet up again in the Warwick Hotel for drinks. "Ladies and gentleman, it's Jon the captain here. I would like to welcome myself to Coronation Street and in particular to passenger Deirdre Rachid. Myself and Mrs Rachid will be flying high to unchartered places over the next few episodes. There may be turbulence ahead but for now my radar indicates blue skies at 30,000 feet. The cabin crew will be among you in 5 minutes with peanuts.". No, he doesn't actually say this, but it would be nice if he did.
Steve McDonald is out of prison and back into the loving bosom of his close and protective family... Jim asks Bill to take on Steve in their business, Bill isn't keen at first but finally agrees. However, Steve isn't keen at all to work for his dad and his mucker. Andy takes him for few drinks and they end up in the Rovers where Steve ignores Fiona's request to buy him a drink. He's playing hard to get. "I want her back" he tells Andy "and she will be mine, oh yes, she will be mine".
Alma and Mike are back from holiday in Cyprus and Alma is aghast when she hears that Mike has told Curly not to give her a job at Firmans. Alma pleads with Curly who agrees to take her on as a shelf stacker but Mike is worried what this will do to his reputation if anyone finds out his wife works in a supermarket. Mike is furious with Angie for taking on Ida Clough and Janice Battersby as machinists while he was away.
Also back from holiday this week are Jack and Vera, full of Las Vegas memories and willing to share them with anyone who'll listen. They soon fall back to earth when Samantha tells them the VAT inspector is coming to see them at 9am the following day. Alec tells Jack about the little problem with the raffle money while he was away, and wants Jack to reimburse him for some of the money he had to give to Emily.
And that's it for this week. See you in two week's time, Glenda
I had a wonderful week's holiday last week and came back home sporting a nice tan and a relaxed smile. So here I am again with my glass of white zinfandel and a chunk of white stilton, trying hard to remember what happened over the last two weeks of the Street.
Jack and Vera get a visit from the VAT (tax) man who brings them bad news - they've got behind in their VAT payments and owe the huge sum of £17,000. While Vera goes to Morecambe on holiday with Trish and Ray, Jack ponders their future from the back room of the Rovers. After unsuccessfully trying the banks for a loan, he asks Rita if she'd like to buy into the Rovers. She's initially keen but Alec Gilroy talks her out of it, saying it isn't a viable business. However, Alec's got his own reasons for talking Rita out of the deal, he wants the Rovers for himself. Jack can't face losing the Rovers but he certainly doesn't want to go back to being Alec's cellarman again.
Bill Webster walks into Kevin's house in time to catch Kevin and Natalie holding hands across the kitchen table - by 'eck! Bill confides his suspicions about the affair to Rita, and they agree to do something about it, so Bill rings Sally at her mothers and tells her she must come home at once - the nation depends on her to break up this nonsense immediately. Sally rings Kev to say she's returning home but he's in bed with Natalie and doesn't get Sally's message on the garage ansaphone. Chris finds the message and warns Kevin about Sally's return, so as Sally walks in through her front door, Natalie quickly nips out the back while Kevin buttons his trousers up. With Sally home, Kevin is on edge, he wants to be with Natalie but doesn't want to hurt Sally, and sneaks to see Natalie when he can, telling her he's not going to give her up. (I read in the papers this affair is set to drag on till Christmas...yawn). Rita and Bill are hoping that Kev will break his affair with Natalie, but neither of them are sure that Kev wants to, Bill and Kevin argue about the situation and Bill calls Natalie "that tart". Natalie also gets invited to tea at the Wesbters when Sally feels sorry for her and invites her in. While Kev is out at Natalie's house, Sally asks Sophie about Natalie "Oh, I like Natalie" she says "So does Daddy. Natalie was here in the house lots of times while you were away".
Deirdre moves into the flat above the betting shop and Jon the airline pilot is there to help her move in. Best friend Liz McDonald happens to come by and wants to know the ins and outs of Deirdre's new relationship, "So, 'ave yer schlepped with him yet?"
Jon is a bit miffed when he finds out that her ex-husband lives across the road from her new flat, and cools towards Deirdre before walking out. But, all ends well when he buys her flowers and a box of chocolates from the corner shop (why didn't he buy them duty free?) and ends up staying the night with Deirdre after she cooks him dinner.
Chris wants Angie to have a 30th birthday party but Angie doesn't want reminding that she's getting older. You'd think, wouldn't you, now that both of them are earning a salary, they could afford to buy a more comfortable sofa to sit on, that one of Des Barnes' looks extremely uncomfy and most unsuitable for helping to create a romantic situation. No wonder these two don't know whether they've having a relationship or not.
Meanwhile, at the factory, Angie is upset that Mike wants to sell her designs at local markets, she feels her designs are worth more than that and that Mike is trying to sell her work cheaply. Janice Battersby steals some of the frillies from work and takes them home, road-tests them on her poor husband Les, and declares them to be an unqualified success in the nuptials department. Angie finds out about the thieving and tells the girls it must stop at once. Mike secures a huge order to make military underwear for the Dutch Army, much to Angie's dismay, her creative talent just isn't being recognised in the way she thought it would be.
Fred Elliot takes Maureen to the ballet and woos her, I say, woos her for a few episodes before he pops the question. Yes, THE question, to which Maureen says "no" to his offer of marriage. "You're a handsome woman, Maureen, I say, a handsome woman" but she still says no. Maud is certain that the only thing Fred is after is Maureen's shop and advises her daughter against a merger.
Judy and Gary have tests to see if a reason can be found as to why they haven't had any success in trying to have a baby. While they're waiting for the results, Judy goes back to the hospital alone and confides to the specialist that she had an abortion when she was 16 and is afraid that this could be the reason why she can't have children. Judy has more tests and is found to have some sort of blockage which is preventing her from getting pregnant. She eventually tells Gary about the abortion, and this puts yet more strain on their marriage. The two of them go to the hospital for the results of the tests after which Judy's tubes are a source of discussion for some time.
Steve McDonald gets to roll those famous eyeballs around their sockets quite a lot this week. He tells Fiona he has an interview in Manchester and she offers him the £30 he needs for his coach fare to get there. However, he doesn't go (ha!) and returns the money to Fiona when boyfriend Alan is there, making Alan suspicious and he wonders why Fiona didn't tell him she'd lent her ex boyfriend some money. Further stirring the pot is Liz McDonald who tells Alan that Fiona had been spending some time with Steve and that she feels it likely that Steve and Fiona will get back together. Steve tells his dad that he'll accept his offer of work, and becomes a labourer for Jim and Bill's building firm.
And that, as they say, is that - for this week
The Rovers has been sold to Alec Gilroy, making him a 50% partner. Jack doesn't have the nerve to tell Vera over the phone about Alec, so he waits until she arrives back from Morecambe to break the news. Vera is furious with Jack when she finds out that Alec Gilroy is their business partner, so furious that she thumps Jack in the face(!) and locks him out of the Rovers, making him sleep in the back yard of the pub. She gets in Jim McDonald to change the door locks at the Rovers so both Alec and Jack can't get in. However, they devise a plan after Percy tells them they to use strategy - get a wooden horse! Pretending they're with the drayman making a delivery, Jack and Alec get into the cellar and into the Rovers. Jack tells Vera to fight back and take control of the Rovers but Alec is already hinting at getting Vera's name taken down from over the door as licensee. When Rita finds out that Alec has bought into the Rovers, she tells him he's a liar and a cheat and refuses to have anything more to do with him.
Oh no! I feel another song coming on. I'll have to wrestle my conscience on this one:
me: don't put a song in the update, you got complaints last time you did this
me again: ah, what the heck. Do it anyway
me: alright thenKing of the Ro(ad)vers
Rovers - for sale or rent
Back room to let,50 cents
The barmaids are included too
I owe 17 grand in VAT dues
I drink old whisky I have found
With my little pal who's short and round
He's a man of means, not squeaky clean
Alec Gil-roy
Sally and Kevin have a night out together, and Sally harps on about Kev being different somehow since she returned home. She wonders why Natalie has been spending so much time with Kevin, and he tells her it's because Natalie is lonely and has taken a shine to Kevin. This feeble excuse seems to satisfy Sally's even more feeble brain.
It's Angie's 30th birthday party and who should turn up at the last minute but.. Des Barnes! He's surprised (and jealous) to see that Angie is now going out with Chris and tells Angie that Chris will have to move out as he wants to move back in. Chris and Angie decide to live together as a couple and move into Des' room, so Des has to take Angie's old room. Natalie shows up at the party and pulls Kevin away from Sally for a smooch on the carpet.
The Street is brought kicking and screaming into 1997 when alcopops are sold at the Rovers for the party and Steve McDonald is seen smoking something that's never before been seen on the street (I think) and Fiona tells him to get rid of it before boyfriend Alan arrests him. Much snogging occurs between Chris and Angie (much to Maxine's dismay, as she had her eye on Chris).
Des thinks he's played a trick on the Wiltons by posting a rude and naughty book through Mavis' letterbox, but his joke backfires when Angie tells him that Derek died while he's been away. He finally gets the book back after Emily opens up Mavis' house, but not before making Des squirm with embarrassment.
Fiona tells Liz McDonald to mind her own business regarding the situation with her and Steve and Alan. However, Steve tells Fiona he's busy working on a nice little house that she and Alan might be interested in buying and Fiona takes a look at the house with Steve. When Alan finds out that Fiona was there alone with Steve he isn't best pleased and threatens Steve to leave Fiona alone or else he'll have him arrested and thrown back into jail. (Actually, Steve McDonald has been great this week, his rolling eyeballs, his "so what?" looks direct into the camera, have all been brilliant).
Jon the airline pilot gives the nation a thrill when he turns up in uniform for a date with Deirdre. She's worried that he hasn't called her and assumes he's not turning up for their date, but his plane was delayed and he arrives straight from work, all smart and tidy like.
Don Brennan's house has been put up for sale and sold all within a week, phew! Tabloid rumour has it that a "family from hell" are set to move in - Janice Battersby, her husband Les and 2 teenage spice girls.
Fred Eliot really knows how to woo a woman, I say, he really knows how. After taking Maureen to the ballet, he cooks dinner for her at his place and plies her with fine wines and brandies. Go for it Maureen, I say. He may be nowt to look at but you'll never be stuck for a nice piece of rump.
Gary and Judy Mallett, Chris, Angie and Des (another love triangle
in the making), Alan and Fiona all go to Laser Crusader, a game
where you shoot each other with lasers, apparently. Chris isn't
keen on going to a place that glorifies shooting but Angie persuades
him to go along. As they leave, young Zoe (the yobette from a
few weeks ago) spots Judy. Zoe is living rough in a doorway and
faints in Judy's arms, telling her that Liam ran off with the
money Judy and Gary gave him to pay for Zoe's abortion. Judy gives
her another £10 note and says goodbye. But, we know she'll
be back in a few weeks to complete the surrogate baby storyline.
(ITV - no! this just isn't realistic, it's not even a very
good idea)
