2005
Friday 2 September

It's Friday night and without any ado we're off down the Street again, where we find Martin teasing his kids. He tells Sarah and David he's got a surprise for them, but won't hint what it's all about. He tells them he'll meet them at 6pm and all will be revealed.

Tyrone is using the garage phone again and it's obviously bad news. But he tells Nathan it's nothing to do with the arrangements for Kevin's birthday. Liar.

Sally is in the Kabin, turning Sophie's school enrollments problems into a melodrama in which she has the role of heroine, not villain. The education authority has written offering Sophie a place at Paddington High, which apparently has no discipline and not even a real uniform. "No wonder all the shops round there have got shutters on their windows." Norris asks if they can't afford to send Sophie to Oakhill, but Sally tells him it's not that at all. Sophie wants to go to Weatherfield High with her friends and Sally is such a caring mother she's listening to what her daughter wants, ". . . and no stiff-neck suit is going to deprive her!" Sophie's been crying all day, she tells them, but that headmaster has picked a fight with the wrong person. Emily wonders if there's anything Sally can do, and Sally says she's going to the papers and might even bring a petition into the shop. Then she's gone, not even answering Rita's question about Kevin getting the card Rita sent for his 40th birthday. Rita asks Norris how he's getting on and makes some sarcastic comments about the number of replies he must have received to his job applications. He tells them he's received three replies, which is a sizable feedback percentage, though Rita wouldn't know anything about that kind of management language. Emily asks if he's actually got any interviews. "You needn't sound so surprised," Norris says. He looks forward to being taken on by a decent company that will pay him what he is worth so he can get a foot back on the property ladder. He turns away and his face is both a wordless sneer and a challenge to the two women.

In the factory, twin Jessie says she's off men after one talked at her chest and not to her face. Sean says he chest reminds him of the programme "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" . "You mean, like Jordan?" asks Jessie, sticking out her chest. "No," Sean tells her, "Vast and full of danger!" They're interrupted by the arrival of a stranger. It's Carol, come to see the family empire and looking for Jamie. She persuades them to give her a go on one of the machines and persuades Janice to join her in a glass of Mike's Scotch.

Sarah and David are wondering if their dad has a new girlfriend when they see a big chicken approaching. David screams at it to get around the corner before someone sees. Yes, it's Martin. He's got the job of being Weatherfield County's mascot, Bernard. David is about six years too old to be impressed. "What are my friends going to say? I'll be the laughing stock of the whole school! How could you do this to me?" he screams.

In the pub, Nathan, Ashley, Tyrone, Kevin and Martin are gathered. Tyrone is forced to admit that despite days of phone calls and subterfuge, he's not managed to organise anything. Emily and Rita come over to wish Kevin a happy birthday and stop for a drink with the boys. In a booth, Claire causes some comment by sitting with the handsome young gardener from the park, though Janice and the other factory workers don't know that's who he is. He's good looking enough that Jessie swears she said she was off meat, not men. The gardener, Andrew asks Claire who she's managed to get to help with the park clean-up. She points out Emily, though for some reason he isn't that impressed -- especially when he notices the bandage on her ankle. Claire admits that no-one else wanted to help. "I'd no idea how selfish people are." He puts a reassuring hand on hers -- scandalising the onlookers. "Her husband's only over there," gasps Janice.

Sally gives Kevin his gift -- engraved silver cufflinks. Just what every back-street garage owner wants. "I noticed a lot of the Oakhill fathers were wearing them at the last parents' evening," she tells him. He says he'll have to buy some posh shirts now. Rita and Emily approve. The rest of the birthday party joke about "Gentleman Kev" and Sally looks as if she'd like them all horse whipped.

Ashley goes over to sit with Claire and Andrew. His voice is quiet and steely, but very polite. Claire doesn't notice the atmosphere and when Andrew goes to get a round in, tells Ashley just how inspirational he is. At the bar, Andrew is the subject of some cross-examination. When he mentions that Claire had trouble finding volunteers, there are suddenly plenty, including Jessie who claims to have green fingers, and Janice, who alleges she's not complete unless she's got her wheel barrow.

Mike and Carol are also in the pub, chatting about the old days in the London factory. Mike asks Carol to remind him of the name of the girl with the eye-patch. It was Pearl. Carol's surprised he's stayed up north and Mike confesses it suits him, though he says he's thinking of retiring to Spain, leaving Danny to run the factory. This sets Carol off on one of her rants and Mike sees her as she really is -- bitter and jealous. She says she helped get Danny established but it's Frankie who's getting all the benefit. Mike makes his excuses to leave, but says he's got a question before he goes. "That girl with the eye-patch -- what was her name? Haven't thought of her in years."

Sally is telling Rita and Emily that she rang the paper but they wouldn't put her through to the editor, but all the details were taken down and they said they'd print it. She also points out that Sophie isn't just sat at home in front of the telly. Oh no, they've been doing maths. Well, the garage accounts. And tomorrow they're doing history -- Roy has lent Sally a book about steam trains. Her eyes light up as she thinks she might home-tutor Sophie. Rita and Emily exchange meaningful glances. Sally leaves, but not before Kevin has checked if it's OK if Nathan kips on their sofa tonight. Norris comes over to take Rita and Emily's drinks orders. Rita then comments that she hopes he does find somewhere else to work. Emily isn't fooled. "No you don't. Like me, you're worried he's going to make a fool of himself." She's got good evidence that he will. She sneaked a look at his CV and he's put his age down as 46!

Nathan is going on at Tyrone about the lack of organisation. He decides to take over and gets in a round of shorts for some drinking games. Carol hears all the commotion and comes over, having just discovered she's nothing but a few coppers left in her purse. She starts to tease Nathan and flirt with him, promising him she will be extremely grateful if he buys her a drink. "How grateful?" he asks, winking at the other blokes. So Carol straddles his lap and gives him a very long, lingering kiss. She doesn't notice two new arrivals until she hears Jamie: "Mum! What are you doing?!!!"

The End

A couple of comments: It was good to see the blokes all having a good time together in a group you could believe in. Sometimes, celebrations such as weddings seem to have a very arbitrary choice of guests and party-goers, but this birthday group was excellent.

I wonder if we're getting some new or refurbished sets? The entire second half was filmed in the Rovers. Usually the change of place in the programme helps keep up the pace, so this must have been done deliberately. Or maybe writer Daran Little just relished the challenge of a single set.

Margaret Carr





Sunday 4 September, Episode 6106

Nathan wakes up on Sally and Kevin's sofa, as Rosie comes in and backs out again hastily. As the family sit down to breakfast, with Kevin feeling a little jaded, Nathan walks in. Sally tells him to sit down as she goes off to make him breakfast.

Over at the park, Claire is disappointed that only Emily, Ashley and Joshua have arrived to help her get the garden underway. Emily volunteers to look after Josh while Ashley and Claire get on with the heavy stuff.

In the Baldwin residence, Leanne walks in to find Jamie sitting with Carol who is also suffering the after effects of the night before. She goes off to work, and Jamie finds a b and b in the paper that might suit Carol and says he'll go and check it out. Carol wonders what she's going to do, she doesn't want to stay in Danny's house on her own, so in the end Jamie gives her his last 20.00 pound note because she promises him she won't drink.

Out in the street, Sally meets Gail who has just had her hair done. David (who seems to have shot up a foot since we last saw him) spills the beans that Gail is going out with the 'Phil, the foot fetishist'. Sally is intrigued, but Gail is obviously embarrassed and gets cross with David, "I'll thank you not to tell people my business," she snaps at him.

In the taxi office, Eileen is shouting down the radio at Les. Then she snaps at Steve because he's obviously fed up and the cause is, as usual, the Tracy/Amy situation. Just then Les comes in, and Eileen lets fly at him because he's not good at following the instructions. He tells her not to speak to him like that, it's harassment. "They don't have equal opportunity laws for thick people," she snarls at him, "get out!"

Over in the park, David, Ashley and Sophie have turned up to help. "Get yer 'ands dirty, you use the park don't you?" Ashley says. Sophie says she doesn't, it's full of pervs, and Chesney says it's used as a dog toilet. Just then Janice and the twins arrive, done up to the nines. They've no intention of working, they're looking for Andrew. He's not there, so Claire offers them a spade to turn some earth over while they're there. "You're a right goody two-shoes, aren't ya?" says Janice, and pointedly drops a crisp packet. Claire calls her a 'pug faced scum-bag', and within a few moments war has broken out, with soil and compost being slung in all directions.

Sally rushes across the street to Kevin, clutching the local paper. "I've been vilified!" she splutters. It seems that Mr. Lewis, the head of Weatherfield High has called her a stuck up, deluded, snob, in retaliation for her complaint to the paper about the school. Instead of backing her up, Kevin is cross and says she just couldn't keep her mouth shut and now she's made things worse. Sally rushes off and Kevin then goes after her.

Tracy arrives at that moment, "Am I missing a barney?" she grins. She and Nathan then indulge in a bit of blatant flirting until a car draws up and a young woman jumps out and screams at Nathan for being out all night with 'that slut' and throws a load of bin bags out of the car, into the road. They are, apparently, all Nathan's belongings. She drives off, driving over the. Tracy is not too impressed with all this and tells him that she's dumping him too, and storms off.

Over in the park, there is a whole lot of mud slinging going on in the very literal sense, until Emily stands in the centre of it all and shouts for them to stop. "What an exhibition!" she exclaims, "Look at yourselves! This isn't why we're here!" She then insists Janice and her friends help clear up, and also that Claire and Janice shake hands and work together. Claire is willing, and Janice comes forward, but just takes Claire's hand and pushes her face down in the mud!

Tyrone and Nathan are talking about Nathan's situation. Nathan reckons he won't be lonely for long. "You know what they say," he says to Tyrone, "lock up your girlfriends." Tyrone tells him it's 'lock up your daughters' and Nathan just looks at him with raised eyebrows. Tyrone finally gets the point, "Don't you lay one finger on my Maria!" he splutters. Nathan then asks Kevin if he can sleep on his sofa again. Kev says he'll ask the Boss.

Gail comes into the taxi office and asks Eileen for a taxi. Then Phil comes round the door and demands to know why Eileen led Gail to believe he'd stayed the night at Eileen's house. Eileen mutters an apology and then tells them to wait outside for their taxi. She then radios Les and tells him there's a pick up waiting for him, but there's no rush!

Back at the park, Claire, looking exceptionally clean for someone who just fell face down in slushy mud, tells Emily she really saved the day. Just then the much sought after Andrew arrives, with Sean hanging on his arm!

In the pub, Betty approaches a solitary Carol and asks if she's ok. Just then Jamie and Leanne come in, and Carol starts to make excuses for the reason she's got a drink in front of her. Leanne is pretty disgusted at the situation, and goes off. Jamie gets up and follows her.

Phil and Gail have arrived at the pizza place. It seems that Phil has worked on the feet of the head waiter, and he assumes that Gail is his wife. They chuckle over this, and Phil confesses that he has something to ask her, but needs a few drinks first.

Kevin and Sally are in the pub, and he apologises to her for getting cross with her. Sally then decides that she's going to teach Sophie at home.

The park workers are sitting at a table, enjoying a drink after their day's work, and Claire and Janice seem to be friends.

Jamie and Leanne come back in, and Carol confesses that she hasn't really been evicted from her house in Birmingham and she thinks it's time she goes home. She touches his face and tells him he's a good boy and she wishes she knew him better. She then gets up and leaves.

Gail and Phil are well into their meal and have downed several glasses of alcohol. He then tells her that he's studying for a degree in criminology and is looking for a subject for his dissertation. Gail gazes at him, quite adoringly until he asks her if he can write about her life with Richard Hillman. The smile vanishes from her face as, saying nothing, she just gets up from the table and walks out of the restaurant.

Annie Logan.



Monday 5 September, Episode 6107, 108

Please excuse the lateness of this report. I typed it all up on Tuesday, my computer froze, I lost it all and haven't had the energy to try again until now. So here goes.

Sally is asking Rosie to go to Oakhill to pick up some curriculums for Sophie's home education. Rosie blatantly refuses however and storms through to the living room, where Nathan is, as usual, half naked, to her extreme embarrassment.

Tracy is being her uncharacteristically nice self (making she'll be back in bitch mode before long) and offering Deirdre some cakes. Deirdre thinks its a nice gesture and Tracy heads out to buy some

Gail is down following her unsuccessful date, and her quizzing offspring don't help. Gail tells them what Phil's real motives were and they are far from impressed

Norris is frantic about his job interview and more so his fake age. But a passing Zack advises him to just come clean and admit it was a lie

Rosie is milling about the garage and Nathan but Sally wants her to supervise Sophie. Rosie storms off in a major huff

Zack has arrived to see Shelley, who tells Violet it's a big day. After all, she has to take Charlie his sandwiches (preferably poisoned)

Lloyd is excited by a contract Claire has picked up, who is offering to purchase fares from Streetcars. Steve tells Lloyd he will deal with it

Zack is assuring Shelley that nothing bad will happen on the walk. Shelley points out they could possibly bump into Bev

Fiz is ranting at maria who reminds her she's not the boss. As the rivalry heats up, Fiz shares our feelings by wishing Kirk would hurry back and put an end to it

Deirdre is not impressed to see Tracy and the cakes sitting with Nathan. Within minutes, Tracy's heart is aflutter over Nathan and they head to the pub

Speaking of which that is where Gail and Audrey are and Gail is telling Audrey her and Phil didn't click and won't be meeting again

Meanwhile Deirdre, her lunch hour fast ending, waits for Tracy

Shelley sets off with Zack close behind for support. She is slightly put off by dogs across the road dragging Maria but they are soon silenced by Diggory's daughter Mollie, much to Maria's awe. Shelley carries on and bumps into Bev. Shelley tries to be brave but Zack ushers her on, not wanting her to get upset. Shelley dashes up to Charlie and thrusts sandwiches into her hands happily as Zack praises her. However, Charlie's gripe that it is brown bead soon knocks all enthusiasm out of her

Deirdre is babysitterless as Tracy continues to drink with Nathan. She starts to get enraged, knowing she'll be in trouble if she's late for work

Sally is annoyed that Sophie hasn't been studying. So she decides that she will come and work at the factory on a spare desk!

Deirdre contacts Steve to ask him to look after Amy. He leaps at the chance, despite Claire's protests he has to meet the potential contract.

Shelley is upset by her 'failure' and is determined to do something right, this time visiting Sunita. Zack isn't so keen but nothing will put her off

Steve is delighted to be caring for Amy...but Tracy isn't so delighted when she comes home and sees him holding her.

Duncan Lindsay

Part 2

At the Barlow household, Tracy is furious and Steve says he pushed his way in. Deirdre confesses that she asked Steve to look after Amy, "I tried calling you on your mobile but...." Tracy lies and angrily says, "I didn't hear it, alright? I'm going to court to stop him going near her and as soon as my back is turned you hand her to him on a plate!" She then tells Steve he has ten seconds to get out or she is calling the police. Steve goes. Tracy snaps at her mum, "Haven't you got to get back to work?"

Over at the baker's Molly would rather be working somewhere else. Diggory tells Maria, "I've told her, there are two things that make a bloomer rise. Yeast and enthusiasm. I put a bit of myself in all my products" He also says that baking is in Molly's blood if just realized it. Maria says, "Not necessarily. My parents had kennels but I became a hairdresser" Molly says, "You don't know how lucky you are. Working with dogs would be my dream job" Maria laughs, "Well some people's idea of a dream would be working in a bakery surrounded by cakes" She sees Fiz entering the shop and adds, "Here's one now!" Fiz sees Molly and says, "You?" Molly shocked also says, "You?"

At streetcars Mr Quillen has arrived at the office, "I got caught up in traffic. Thought I was going to be late. Where's your gaffer then?" Claire says, "Er.... You've just missed him. He's just had to pop out. He'll be back any minute though"

At the back door of the Rovers Charlie enters. Shelley tells him she's sorry about the sandwiches. He replies, "I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that" he's only saying this because Zack is there. Shelley says, "Yes you should. It was a stupid mistake. Let me put it right, like a grown up" Zack tells him that Shelley wants to go to the Corner shop, "I think she's done enough for one day. Healing things with Sunita is a big step" Shelley is determined she wants to go. Charlie tells Zack, "If Shelley says she's ready then that's good enough for me" He tells Shelley, "Just remember, she's the one that's in the wrong. You're the one doing the forgiving and if she's too pig headed to see that, it's her loss"

Back at Streetcars Mr Quillen is about to leave, Claire asks him, "More tea?" He grunts, "Tea or D.V.T.? Cos that's what I'll get if I sit here much longer" Claire quickly says, "I'm sure he'll be back any minute" but he says, "Sorry love. I've got plans for Christmas" and gets up to leave. Lloyd enters and Claire quickly explains that Steve was called away and Mr Quillen has been waiting. Mr Quillen grunts, "Aye, forty five minutes. If this is your idea of service I'd say I had a lucky escape" Lloyd tells him he is the co-owner but Mr Quillen replies, "Save your breath pal. I need reliable cars to take my bar staff home and if this is anything to go by...." Lloyd exclaims, "It's not, and I'll put my money where my mouth is. For every ten minutes that any of our cars is late, we'll give you a fiver back!"

Norris is waiting for his interview at Ream Team. The door opens and a young woman enters. She looks at a clipboard and says, "I'm looking for a Norris...." Norris interrupts, "Cole! Norris Cole. That's me. At your service" She says, "Oh, er.... I was expecting a much young..... er, older man!" Norris beams, "Well, that's clean living for you" and follows her to the interview room.

Over at the Corner shop Shelley enters. Sunita is busy pricing tins. Shelley picks up a loaf and says, "hello Sunita… how's it going?" Sunita is shocked and does not say any thing.

At the Kabin Rita tells Blanche about Norris going for an interview. Blanche says, "Who's going to employ a useless article like him?" Rita gets very defensive, "Actually, he was once voted North West Achiever of the Year!" Blanche replies, "That must have been a lean year" Rita bridles, "He was something of a big wheel in office supplies" Blanche says, "Yes, he put the fool in foolscap. What a pathetic way to make a living, selling paper clips" Violet tells her that's a bit harsh, "A job's a job, surely?" Blanche says, "Some jobs are better than others. I spent years making corsets. Gave many a young couple a wedding night to remember. I'd like to see him do that with his Prit Stick!" Violet tells her, "I bought one the other day but it just doesn't seem to fit right round the waist.' Blanche tells her, "Pop round to my house. Once I've adjusted it you'll have men boiling their eggs by your figure"

Back to Real Team the interviewer says, "When I saw your CV, I thought to myself, this man I have got to see" His companion adds, "J.T said I can't believe he has done all of this and is only forty six!" Norris quickly says, 'I...I...I... I like to keep busy" J.T. tells him, "I want self starters here Norrie! Ream Team isn't just a fancy name, it's an ethos! Our aim is..." He flies a paper aeroplane over to Norris, "... to make our paper fly. Can 'you' do that Norrie?" Norris quickly makes one but it does not fly far. J.T. says, "Yes! Yes?" and stands up and exclaims, "Welcome to our team Norrie!" Norris is shocked. J.T. asks if he has any questions and Norris asks, "I don't know, this is so sudden. Can you tell me something about the background of the company?" J.T. beams, "It's papyrus, parchment! The Dead Sea Scrolls, Magna Carta, the Declaration of Independence! We are forging more links in the paper chain they call history! Who knows what may be written on the products you sell Norrie!" His assistant adds, "And what products! For your fifteen thousand pounds you will get stock of such superior quality." Norris looks suspicious, "What fifteen thousand pounds?" J.T. replies, "Your franchise fee and payment for your start up stock, which you will sell on at a very tidy profit" They show him a tenner and say he turns that into a twenty. Norris says, "Er.... I need a little time to think things over. After all, fifteen thousand pounds is a tidy sum. I need to be prudent, you understand." They tell him they will send him their bumph in the post.

Corner shop again and Shelley is telling Sunita why she has come round to see her. They are interrupted by Diggory. He asks, "Have they sailed yet?" Sunita asks what he's on about. He smiles, "The ships that were launched by your smile" He tells Shelley, "I was shanghaied by it the first time I met her. Condemned to join her fleet of frustrated admirers, to pound my poop deck for the rest of my days!" Sunita says, "Is there something I can do for you Diggory?" He replies, "Plenty lass, but I better just settle for milk. Must get back to the bakery, I've got two dozen batches to seed!" Shelley thinks, this may not be a good time and starts to leave. Sunita cries, "No, don't go. I'll close up for a while. Do you fancy a brew?"

Weatherfield high school and Sally tells Mr Lewis, "Sophie has been offered a place at Paddy.... Paddington High" He smiles, "One there and one at Oak Hill. My that's a daring social engineering experiment if I may say so" She tells him it's not about Rosie, "It's about Sophie, she still wants to come here" He snaps, "It's about state education per se. I believe in it. It's what took me, a decorator's son, to University and to become head of this school. It's why I'm proud for my daughter to come here. Private schools, it's easy to be blinded by the boaters, a few Latin mottos.... window dressing for the gullible I'm afraid" She tells him she can't send her to Paddington High and he retorts, "This school is full. I suggest you contact your friends at Oak Hill" Sally walks out in a huff.

Over at the Rovers Kevin asks Steve if he wants a pint but Steve turns him down and replies, glaring at Nathan, "I'm very particular who I drink with" Nathan tells Kevin, "He thinks I'm after stepping into Daddy's shoes" Violet smiles, "And are you?" Nathan says, "Not a chance. They're too heavy for my liking. I prefer to keep light on my feet if you know what I mean. Makes it easier to move around" Maria moans about Fiz and how she isn't pulling her weight at the kennels, "Fiz doesn't like dogs, and dogs don't like her!" Molly replies, "They can sniff out an evil aura quicker than a bowl of green tripe! First time I saw her I thought here's trouble!" Maria tells her, "What I need is a kennel supervisor who is good with dogs and can put Fiz in her place" Molly's eyes light up. Maria smiles, "Tyrone, go and get Molly a packet of crisps while I have a chat with her"

Streetcars again and Steve realizes that he totally forgot about Mr Quillen and apologises to Lloyd and Claire. Lloyd tells him, "I had to grovel. Italian or not, shoe leather doesn't taste very nice but I managed to salvage a deal. Had to give a few sweeteners mind, a fiver back for every ten minutes we're late" Steve screeches, "You're joking! Les'll have us bankrupt within a week!" Lloyd replies, "It won't be that bad and he didn't get it all his own way. I got him to give us a speed dial from all the payphones in his clubs and pubs" Steve is clearly impressed but reluctant to show it and merely grumps, "Hmm, suppose it isn't 'all' bad news then" Lloyd and Claire smile at each other.

Back at the Rovers Norris talks about his 'job offer', conveniently not mentioning that it's a franchise deal. "State of the art office, full of thrusting young turks...." Blanche snipes, "So why do they want a rusting old berk then? You haven't thrusted in years. Probably forgotten how to!" He tells them he hasn't signed the contract yet, "but the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I've been mouldering behind that Kabin counter for far too long" Blanche smirks, "I was wondering what that smell was!" Maria introduces Fiz to the new kennel supervisor. Molly smirks, "I've heard all about your modus operandi" Fiz looks bewildered. Molly smiles, "Oh I forgot, you weren't in the top class, were you? Well, I'm bringing in a new broom at the kennels" Fiz says, "Well you can climb on it and fly back to the baker's! My boyfriend is top dog there" Maria informs her, "Only he's not here, so I'm top dog, and then it's Molly, then Tyrone, then any dogs that can shake paws, and then you!" Molly smiles, "See you tomorrow then. Five o'clock!"

At the Barlow household Deirdre apologises to Tracy. She tells Tracy, "I can't change who Amy's father is. If I could, I would but I can't. We have got to find a way to deal with this for Amy's sake" Tracy shouts, "Are you saying I can't manage on my own? That I'm an unfit mother? We don't need anyone else. We don't need Steve, we don't need you! We're fine on our own!"

Back to the Corner shop and Shelley tells Sunita how much her friendship meant to her. Sunita replies, "So how did it turn so ugly. You slapping me across the face? Attacking me in the bar? Reminisce about that, do you?" Shelley sobbing says, "What was I supposed to do? Just take it? You were saying awful things about Charlie. This was a mistake. I wanted to make the first move" Sunita says, "Now it suits you. It's too late for making up after all that's been said and done. I thought you would have come and seen me when you heard I was pregnant" Shelley shocked says, "Pregnant?" Sunita sobs, "I thought you knew. I'm having twins. I thought you didn't care" Shelley says, "I didn't know. I can't believe all this has been going on and I didn't know" The pair hug tightly and Sunita laughs, "You're crushing your loaf!" Shelley sobs happily, "Stuff the loaf!"

Over at the Webster's Sally comes home. Rosie asks her mum if she has sorted her skirt. She forgot to take it to work and hem it. Sally promises to do it after she marks Sophie's Essay. "That won't take long. She's been watching telly all afternoon" Rosie says. Kevin comes home looking for his tea. Sally tells him to go to the chipper. He is not amused. Sophie goes to run upstairs, but is stopped by Sally who wants to look at what she's done. "This summer we went on our holidays to Crete, with no capital C on Crete. Is that it?" Sophie replies, "It's very much still at the ideas stage at the moment" Sally snaps, "How could you Sophie? After everything I am doing for you! How could you let me down like that?" She tells her mum it's her who's let her down because she wanted to go to Weatherfield high, and she messed up. Kevin backs her up, telling Sally everyone is suffering and that she does not have time to teach Sophie. He tells her to sort is out or he will.

Amanda Souter







Wednesday 7 September, Episode 6108

Written by: Jayne Hollinson
Directed by: Tessa Hoffe

Norris is all excited because he's just received his contract for Ream Team. He tells Rita it's 'like being asked on board a yacht when you've been used to a leaky old rowing boat.' Rita, the captain of the leaky old rowing boat, doesn't look pleased. Norris tells her that in his present role he's just a glorified Kabin boy, whereas Ream Team are offering him the chance to take the helm. He says he thinks he'll take the job unless Rita makes him a better offer, but she just congratulates him and says she's pleased that firms will employ older people. It looks like they both really want him to stay but are too proud to admit it.

It's just like old times in the Rovers back room, with Sunita and Shelley back to being old mates again. Charlie comes in and says he's pleased to see them reconciled (yeah, we believe you, Chaz), and Shelley says it was Charlie who gave her the confidence to go out (in her warped view of the world). But just in case she's acquiring too much confidence and having a tad too much fun, Charlie reminds her that all this 'excitement' is very tiring, and Sunita takes the hint and leaves.

Breakfast time at the Websters' and Sophie isn't happy at the thought of going to Paddy High. Rosie is taunting her saying that one girl at Paddy High had to have her ear sewn back on after a fight. Kevin is blaming Sally – he says that if she hadn't taken Rosie out of Weatherfield High, her sister would have easily had a place there. Nathan walks into the middle of all this, and it's Sophie's turn to tease her older sister about fancying him.

There's a lot of bitching going on at t'kennels, and it's not the dogs either. It's Fiz and Molly, whose working relationship isn't off to a great start when Molly gives an ex-police dog the command word that makes him guard prisoners – only it's Fiz who ends up shut in one of the cages. 'Let's hope he likes you, eh?' Molly says, leaving them to it.

Sally and the girls drive up to Oakhill school, and Sophie is still winding Rosie up about Nathan. Sally spots Mr Lewis, the headmaster of Weatherfield High, dropping his daughter off. This is the daughter he was telling Sally he was proud to be educating at Weatherfield High. Embarrassed, he tells Sally that his daughter is very shy and sensitive, so they thought she'd benefit from a less boisterous environment. 'Well our Sophie's not shy at all, and she's totally insensitive,' Sally replies, 'So Weatherfield should suit her down to the ground.' He says there are still no places, but Sally says she could ring the Gazette and give them a follow-up story about him sending his daughter to a private school. He says he's sure they can work something out, and she says triumphantly, 'I'm sure you can. We'll be there tomorrow.'

Fiz is still trapped, and she begs Molly to let her out. Molly says that when Fiz used to bully her at school she wouldn't let her go until she said please. Fiz says please – she's scared of the dog and wants to get out. Molly reveals that the dog is actually a big softie who barks a lot but never bites. Fiz is furious, but Molly (who has rather evil eyes) says, 'I were just having a laugh today. But tomorrow – who knows? I might just be in a more serious mood.' Poor Fiz.

Liz sees Deirdre in the street and thanks her for asking Steve to look after Amy. Deirdre says she wishes she hadn't bothered, because Tracy is still mad with her. Liz asks her if she wants to go for a drink with her, and Deirdre says she'd better not as she doesn't want to cause any more trouble. But then she changes her mind, and they go off to the Weatherfield Arms, hiding under their coats in case Tracy sees them, and giggling.

At the Kabin, Norris is about to go home, and he's being a bit offhand with Rita. So much so that he forgets to take his Ream Team contract with him. Rita can't run after him because she has to serve Rosie. Nathan comes in, and Rosie tells him that she likes having him around at home. Then as she's leaving she adds, 'And I do like your aftershave.' She cringes, embarrassed, and goes out. After Nathan's gone too, Rita has a look at Norris's contract.

Outside the Kabin, Nathan sees Tracy, who gives him a big, sloppy kiss – which is seen by Rosie. She looks hurt, and Nathan sees her and sighs, because he doesn't like upsetting her.

At the Rovers, Charlie is surprised to hear from Violet that Shelley isn't at home – she got a taxi and went into town on her own. He tells Violet that she should have stopped her because anything could have happened to her. 'She has to do it some time,' Violet says, 'Do you want her always dependent on you?' Shelley comes in, flushed with success at having gone out on her own. She's been to the church to arrange a date for the wedding with the vicar – and it's going to be in three weeks' time. Violet doesn't look happy, and neither does Charlie.

Fiz is telling Roy about Molly. She says bullying Molly used to make her feel better about being bullied herself. Roy says he's been reading an article about wild horses, which apparently have to re-establish their pecking order every day, so a horse that's second-best one day can be top of the heap the next: 'So patterns can change, it doesn't have to stay the same,' he says. 'So you mean I should give Molly a good kicking?' says Fiz, brightening up. He says he was rather thinking that Fiz could apologise, and say that she and Molly were now both equal. She's not so keen on that idea.

Sally's telling Kevin, Nathan and Rosie that everything's sorted about the school, and Sophie will be starting the next day. Kevin's still not happy with them both going to different schools. He says they should be sharing the same kind of life, not living in different worlds. 'Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here?' Rosie snaps, and Kevin doesn't understand why she's so tetchy, but Nathan knows it's because of him, and excuses himself to go to the Rovers. Sally sees that a woman-to-woman talk might be in order, and sends Kevin off to the pub too. Sally asks her daughter if Nathan's touched her or anything, and Rosie says he hasn't. Sally realises what's up and says, 'Lots of girls your age have crushes – it's perfectly normal.' 'I have *not* got a crush,' Rosie says. 'I'm not a kid, you know.' Sally reminds her that The Lovely Craig thinks the world of her (and is ten times cuter than that Nathan, IMO). 'Do you reckon?' Rosie says, perking up. She makes Sally promise not to tell Kevin ('and *definitely* don't tell Sophie') about how she feels about Nathan, and Sally says it's their secret.

Rita comes into the Rovers, where Norris is having a quiet half. She's got the contract with her, and she wastes no time in telling Norris she thinks it's a rip-off. 'Air conditioning? Swivel chair? According to that you'll be working from home. And forking out 15 grand for the privilege. They're trying to flog you a load of excess stationery that you won't be able to sell on.' He says he'd already decided not to do it. He knew it was a con, though a bit of him hoped it wasn't: 'At least it would have given me a bit of dignity, a bit of self respect.' 'Are you really that unhappy?' Rita asks him, and he says that he is. He says that things would be different if Rita was to offer him a partnership, but she says no, so he says he'll keep on looking for another job.

Charlie is sulking at the bar. Shelley says, 'You're annoyed at me for fixing a date, aren't you?' He says she only did it because she doesn't trust him not to change his mind. She says that's not true – she did it as a gesture to show that she was trying to get back to normal. 'I don't mind waiting,' he says. 'I'd rather that than you end up pushing yourself too hard and failing.' She says she won't fail: 'On September 19th I will be walking down that aisle towards you,' she smiles. He doesn't look very happy about it though.

It's looking quite nice in Deirdre's back yard. They've got a bench for Deirdre to sit and have a fag (or did she give up? I can't remember), a hanging basket and a couple of evergreen shrubs, and now a sandpit for Amy to play in, and that's what she's doing, accompanied for once by her loving mother. Deirdre comes out, and says she has a headache (possibly from overdoing it at the Weatherfield Arms with Liz). Tracy apologises for being cross with her earlier, and Deirdre says they should forget about it. She says that whatever happens in the court case, Amy will always be Tracy's daughter. Tracy says she's terrified that Steve would take Amy away from her, emotionally rather than physically – she likes the way that Amy looks at her like she's the most important thing in the world to her, and she doesn't want to share that with Steve. She worries that when Amy's older she might prefer Steve to her (and let's face it, who wouldn't?): 'She might see me for what I really am, Mum.' 'You are a good, loving person,' says a deluded Deirdre. 'I'm a nasty selfish bitch,' says her more realistic daughter. She says that Amy is the only person who's ever loved her totally and unconditionally, no matter what she's done. 'I couldn't bear it if I lost that, Mum, and I won't let him take her away from me.'

Sue Haasler






Friday 9 September, Episode 6109

Thoroughly refreshed by a day trip to North Ronaldsay, I take up my keyboard once again to report on the goings on of the Street on Friday night.

We open in the Barlow household, where it seems it's time for Tracy's day in court. Blanche seems convinced that Deirdre is somehow going to end up giving evidence on Steve's side.

Steve himself is in the taxi office, getting advice on how to conduct himself in court from Claire, Lloyd and, er, Les. There's only one way to play it in court, Les tells his boss. "Play dirty. Tracy will be." Steve says he just wants a fair result. Lloyd tells him he'll just end up getting shafted and Les warns that Tracy will turn on the waterworks. An airport run comes in and Lloyd gives it to Les, but Steve snatches it out of his hands, saying he'll do it. "A nice long drive is just what I need to clear my thoughts and get away from people like you winding me up."

In the pub, Charlie wants to know if Shelley has any regrets. He hopes she made the wedding booking for the right reasons. He suggested they invite people for a few drinks to celebrate. She's not so sure about having this in a full pub that night, so he suggests dinner time. "After yesterday it will be a piece of cake."

Diggory is walking down the street and his daughter is too -- only they're on opposite sides of the road. He says he's not avoiding her but the dogs. "Canine care is no job for a lady," he shouts at her. "It beats working in a bread shop with a silly hat on your head!" Molly shouts back. He points out that it's not a bread shop, it's a bakery. They part at the corner and Molly meets Fizz. Fizz apologises for her behaviour at school. Sort of. "I was a kid -- I didn't know any better." Molly replies: "You should have told me that at the time. It would have made all the difference when you were holding my head down the bog and flushing it!" Fizz thinks they should stop being childish. But Molly says she's got to make up for lost time. "I didn't have much of a childhood."

At the pub, Zack checks that Shelley's OK and asks if Charlie's OK about it. He tells her she's the one who has worked the miracle. He asks if she's ready to make up with her mother. "I don't know what Charlie would think," Shelley says. Zack wants to know what it's got to do with Charlie. "They don't get on," Shelley tells him. Zack says that doesn't mean Shelley and Bev can't be friends. He suggests Shelley invite Bev to the little celebration.

At the kennels, which suddenly seem to have moved very close to Coronation Street when I always thought they were much further away, Molly is showing off her dog-handling skills. Tyrone is very impressed that all the dogs will do exactly what she says.

Back in the bar at the Rovers, Charlie is pouring champagne and telling Jason he will be best man. He offers a glass "to the man who made all this possible" -- Zack. Zack replies that it was Shelley who made the breakthrough. Charlie turns away. "Whatever," he says dismissively. Shelley tells Charlie Zack's idea of making up with her mother. You can almost see Charlie's brain calculating which response will be the best for him. He tells Shelley that yes, it would be good to bury the hatchet.

In the court building, Steve and Liz are sitting, waiting. Along comes Deirdre and Tracy, who is wearing flat shoes, a longer skirt and a cardie top with frills. The conversation is polite but very strained and the Barlows go off to sit in a side room. It's only then we realise what a really, really strange walk Deirdre has from behind!

Bev's phone is engaged, so Shelley double checks with Charlie that he thinks making up is a good idea. "Yeah," he says. "Let's get her over and show her we're as strong as ever."

Bev's in the cafe when Shelley finally gets through and asks if she could come over. Bev seems so startled, Sunita comes over. Bev tells her about the call and convinces herself that Zack has persuaded Shelley to throw out Charlie. "Zack must have made her see the truth."

In the courtroom, Tracy's lawyer is making out that Steve is dreadfully untrustworthy. She mentions that Steve urged Tracy to give Amy to the Croppers. She says he blames his marriage break-up on Tracy, and questions his motives in making an advance to Tracy on the day of her father's funeral. Then she says Steve tried to abduct Amy. "Is it any wonder Miss Barlow doesn't trust you?"

In the pub, Fizz is annoyed that Tyrone, Maria and Molly are getting on so well. All Maria cares about is that Molly is good with dogs and runs the kennels like clockwork. Bev arrives and Charlie takes great delight in waiting for that moment to put the ring on Shelley's finger. "We'll be sending you an invite," he tells her (Has the perfectly good noun "invitation" emigrated to Antarctica or something?), "but first we thought you'd like to toast the happy couple."

In court, Steve's lawyer is pointing out that Tracy lied about Amy from the time she was conceived. She extorted £25,000 from the Croppers after drugging and seducing a happily married man. "Yes, but I paid him back!" Tracy shouts. Following her lead, Steve speaks out of turn, too, shouting back that poor Roy tried to kill himself over it. And he's been paying £50 a week since Amy was born but isn't allowed to get near his daughter. Tracy returns fire, saying she's worried Steve will run off with Amy, or that Amy will come back covered in bruises again! This stops everyone in their tracks. Steve's jaw drops. "Is this true?" asks the judge. "No!" says Steve. "She's invented it like she's done everything else. The only person who has been assaulted is me." Tracy dismisses Steve's "tiny scratch" and claims he was winding her up, but he points out that he went to Spain for two weeks to get away from her. Tracy says he's twisting everything. So Steve calls her "an evil, lying little bitch." The judge finally gets some order and tells them they're supposed to be showing what responsible parents they are, "not squabbling like six-year-old children." He says the sooner the case is settled, the better, and asks to hear the closing remarks.

Back at the Rovers, Shelley tells her mother they're getting married on the 19th. "I miss you, Mum. It's like having my right arm missing. I know I've done things in the past to upset you, but please forgive me." Charlie has moved over to stand at Shelley's shoulder. He says he's sure Bev will forgive her and raises a glass to Bev.

In the court room, the judge says he's seen some pretty repulsive behaviour in custody cases, but this one plumbs new depths. He tells off Steve for his lack of consideration for Miss Barlow or his child, his collusion with her plans to sell the baby, saying his behaviour is beneath contempt. He turns to Tracy. "Your behaviour beggars belief." He says that with the wicked trick she played on Roy, "the use of your unborn daughter as a pawn to extort money ("I was confused!" interrupts Tracy, but he silences her), the emotional and financial blackmail of others, your refusal to co-operate with the DNA test, which throws your every utterance into doubt, your dissolute private life -- these are the hallmarks of a woman who should be asking herself if she is fit to be a mother at all." But he says he's not there to decide on Tracy's merit as a mother, but to rule on whether Steve should be allowed contact with his daughter. "Your actions have been far from exemplary, but you have been provoked at every twist and turn by Miss Barlow's volatile and deceitful behaviour. I am satisfied that your intentions are now honourable and that the child would benefit from the care you wish to give her." "You can't do this!!!" screeches Tracy. But the judge goes on, saying the details of Steve's access will be sorted out. Tracy starts shouting again, but the judge tells her to be silent. "My decision is final."

The End.
Margaret Carr





Sunday 11 September, Episode 6110

Anyway, we open with a cheerful Steve talking to Liz. He is looking forward to his first full day with Amy and asks Liz if she'd like to come with them to the safari park. She tells him she assumed he'd want to spend time with Amy on his own but he tells her he wants them to be a family and that maybe, at some point in the future the three of them could go over to Spain to visit Andy. Liz tells him that would be wonderful but adds, 'I wouldn't mention that to Tracy just yet if I were you.'

Over at the Barlow residence, Tracy is busy whinging and moaning about her top turning pink in the washing, and blaming Deirdre who seems to take the reprimand very well. (If that were me I'd tell Tracy to do her own ****** washing!). In fact, Deirdre seems to be everybody's whipping boy as Blanche moans that she can't reach the milk jug on the table and can't pour her own milk into her tea, so Deirdre has to do it for her. Blanche then announces she is going for a bath, 'I'll need a hand getting out, I'll call down!' Nathan gives her a hand getting up and she cries, 'Thank you, it's nice to know there's at least 'one' person I can rely on here.'

When she's gone Tracy moans, "I could strangle her sometimes, it's all me, me, me with her, not a thought about what I'm going through!"

Over in the pub, Diggory shows Molly's hand to Tyrone and Maria, saying they're pastry makers hands, and they should be crafting pies and pastries, not shoveling dog muck. Molly laughs and tells him she loves dogs, so Diggory tells her if she must bring her work home with her to make sure it's on a lead and not on her shoes.

Fiz arrives just then and shrieks at Maria that she should be working at the kennels. Maria and Molly inform her that they've already been there and finished all the work, and Maria tells her, "Molly was brilliant." Fiz doesn't believe them and says she's going to ring 'her Kirky' and tell him they've only done half a job. Maria suggests that if she doesn't believe her then she should work with Molly that afternoon.

Having seen Charlie setting off for work, Bev pops in to see Shelley but the conversation between them seems awkward and forced. Shelley tells her that her coming for a drink yesterday meant a lot to her and tells her, 'If you give it time, you'll see how much I love Charlie, and how much he loves me.' Bev tells her that they will have to pop round to the flat sometime, 'Both of you,' she adds. Shelley is delighted, 'That would be great. We can sort out things for the wedding.'

Cilla and Chesney have popped into the Kabin on their way into town. Cilla tells Rita and Norris that she can't decide whether Chesney should wear blue velvet pantaloons or a kilt to her wedding. Chesney mutters that he'd rather wear a bridesmaid's dress than pantaloons. Cilla brags that it's going to be the best wedding round there for many a year, and Norris asks if it'll be better than Shelley and Charlie's, as their wedding comes first. It's the first Cilla has heard of this and she is not amused!

Bev goes into the corner shop, and tells Sunita about her visit to Shelley. She tells Sunita that she knows that if she says one wrong word, that'll be it, but wonders if she should let Shelley blunder into this marriage.

Gail and David come in as Bev goes out, and shortly afterwards Phil comes in, and asks Gail if he can have a word. Gail cricks her neck back to look up at him and says no, but he carries on anyway, saying he didn't intend to upset her. David is furious and says that his mum might not be prepared to tell him where to get off, but he's not, and he should keep away from her. Sunita looks over and asks if everything is all right and Gail mutters about having forgotten something and scurries out of the shop. David again tells Phil to keep away and rushes after her.

Outside, Nathan comes jogging round the corner of The Kabin and runs slap bang into Rosie, sending her flying onto the cobbles. He helps her to her feet, apologising profusely. 'Sorry, I was listening to a bit of Stevie Wonder and got carried away. Do you like him?' Rosie replies with a curl of the lip, 'No. My parents do.'

He asks, 'Coldplay?' Rosie snorts derisively, 'Yeah, right.' Nathan smiles as he spots Craig up the street. 'Well me and your mum and dad are bound to like the same old people's music aren't we?' He nods towards Craig, 'I bet he likes the same stuff as you. Is he your boyfriend?' Rosie replies sarkily, 'He's a boy. He's my friend.' Nathan laughs, 'Well he fancies you like mad. I can tell by the way he looks at you. Definitely.'

Craig and his granddad have just arrived back in the street as Audrey steps out of her salon. Keith tells Audrey he tried to call her earlier, 'I've been to the Sunday market and wondered if you wanted to come. Got some right bargains.' Audrey turns her nose up, 'I can't see the point of all that just to save a few pennies, give me a nice meal out any day.' Keith tells her, 'In that case would you like to go to the pictures?' Audrey beams, 'Tonight?' But Keith replies hastily, no doubt with afternoon concessions in mind replies, 'No, this afternoon.' Audrey tells him she would love to.

Craig, meanwhile, has wandered over to show Rosie his latest acquisitions from the market, some orange tee shirts. Obviously he's not going to wear them that colour and asks for her help in dying them black.

Kirk arrives back from his overseas jaunt and walks into the kennels. Of course, Molly doesn't know he's the boss, and he doesn't know she's working there, so they have a conversation at cross purposes until she shoves him out of the gate and locks it behind him.

Back at the Barlow's, Tracy hands Amy over to Steve, bristling with barely suppressed rage and hisses, 'Why couldn't you have just left us alone?' Steve smiles serenely, 'All I am doing is spending time with my daughter. You should be grateful. Most blokes would run a mile rather than take responsibility for their child. I just want to get to know her, and let her get to know me.... and let her know that I'm here for her when her mummy lets her down, which we all know you are perfectly capable of doing.' Deirdre, quick to intervene before things get out of hand, hisses at him that he has got what he came for, 'I think you'd better leave, don't you?'

Fiz finds Kirk sat disconsolately outside the kennels and rushes to greet him, 'Kirky baby! Why didn't you call me and let me know you were coming back? If I'd known I'd have had a bath and everything!' He tells her his mobile is dead, 'I was going to phone you from inside but there's some scary girl with a brush in there and she won't let me in.' Fiz kisses him and beams, 'Kirky, my day has just got even better!' He asks who she is. Fiz smiles, 'History Kirk, history!' She bangs on the gate. Molly opens it to find Fiz with a smirk a mile wide as she greets her with, 'Ah Molly, meet your boss!'

Violet has gone over to the Barlows' for a fitting for her bridesmaid's outfit. She has her corset adjusted by Blanche who tells her, 'By 'eck there's nowt of you lass. Some girls would need a shoehorn and a tub of grease to get into one of those.' She asks Deirdre to put another pin in it but then chastises her for her ham fisted efforts, 'You've got fingers like sausages. Get out of the way. Nathan, can you hold that bit there?' Nathan is only too pleased.

Violet asks him, 'Do you think Jason will like it?' He replies, 'If he doesn't he's got water running through his veins, not blood.' Violet blushes, 'It didn't fit properly, Blanche is taking it in for me.' Nathan tells her, 'Trust me, it does now.'

Over at the Battersby residence, Les asks how the shopping went, 'Our page boy isn't going to do a runner is he?' Chesney smiles, 'I'll turn up if you will.' Les smiles, 'Of course I'm going to turn up.' Chesney offers his hand, 'Shake on it?' Les grasps the outstretched mitt only to find himself on the end of a shock from the hand buzzer secreted in Chesney's palm. He yells, 'Ouch, what the heck?' Chesney beams, 'You look like you've had a shock Uncle Les. You better sit down.' Les plonks himself in the chair and there's the unmistakable sound of a whoopee cushion going off. Chesney turns to Cilla, 'Did that work mum?' She replies, 'Hard to tell Chez, he always makes that sound when he sits down!' Chesney grins, 'We've been to the joke shop Uncle Les. My pressie for being page boy. Wicked innit?'

Phil calls round to see Gail. David is quite hostile towards him, so she sends him upstairs, and then Phil tells her again that he is sorry, 'I really didn't mean to upset anyone.' She tells him, 'Instead of which you upset my whole family. Ever since it happened I've tried my best to give David, Sarah and Bethany a normal life.' Phil replies, 'And it seems to me that you've done brilliantly.'

Gail tells him, 'I hear David at night, shouting in his sleep. If I go into him, he denies it. Trying to protect me. Sarah hates being in the house alone. I heard her say to Scooter she imagines there's someone.....' He tells her, 'You could help other people.' Gail replies, 'You just don't get it, do you? If I didn't have to keep it together for them, I'd have gone mad. Sometimes I manage to go for a whole day without thinking about any of it. And you know the worst thing about it? I meet a really nice guy, and I start to look forward to things and..... I wish you'd been honest about what you wanted.'

Phil replies, 'I honestly didn't know. I just know that I liked you..... well, more than liked you. Part of me would still like to do the interview but, like I said I...... I am really attracted to you and I don't want that to get in the way of what you and I might have together. I'd still like to see you, on whatever basis, if you could bear that.'

Audrey and Keith are at the Pizza Place. Keith is enjoying his meal, but Audrey isn't so sure.

She tells him she's never had pizza for her Sunday tea before, 'In fact, it's a bit off, pictures, a meal and home before dark.' Keith replies, 'Aye, early bird menu. Saves a fortune.' Audrey exclaims, 'Is that why we're here? Because it's cheap?' Keith replies, 'You enjoyed yourself, didn't you.' Audrey moans, 'That's not the point!' Keith tells her forcefully, 'Look, I'm sorry I'm not loaded enough to take you to posh places like Fred Elliott would!' She snaps, 'Is that the kind of woman you think I am? Only like a man for what I can get out of him?' Keith snaps back, 'Well it would seem that way for the fuss you are kicking up!'

He tells her, 'I'm not asking you to be anything you're not, but that works both ways.' Audrey appears to have suddenly lost her appetite. Keith looks at her plate and asks, 'You not eating that?' She replies, 'No!' and is mortified when he reaches over and tells her, 'I'll take it home for me supper then!' It would appear that for Audrey with regards to our gardening friend, the bloom is most definitely off the rose.

Les and Cilla go into the Rovers, and Shelley asks them what they'd like to drink. Cilla explodes: 'Don't you come the nice as pie with me lady! You've got a nerve trying to upstage me by getting in first with your wedding!'

Shelley's confidence drains away immediately, and she stammers: 'I... er... I didn't. I mean, I ... er... I didn't know. Mine is just going to be small one. It won't be anything like as grand as yours.' Cilla barks, 'It better not be!' Shelley gives them a drink on the house as means of celebration. An embarrassed Les at least has good grace to say thank you while Cilla contents herself with glowering.

Diggory calls over, 'I hope the pair of you will be coming to me for your cakes.' Rita asks Cilla if she has found a dress yet. Cilla enthuses, 'One, it's gorgeous. White, big sleeves, lots of petticoats.' Norris mutters, 'That'll be a confectionery first Diggory. A tart in a meringue!

Over at a table, Tracy witters on interminably to Nathan about Steve but he seems far more interested in gawping at Violet who he suddenly seems to have a keen interest in.

At another table, Fiz tells Molly, 'Now Kirk is back you're not needed. Back to the bakery for you, lady.' Maria pipes up, 'It's got nothing to do with you!' Fiz snipes, 'And it's got nothing to do with you either. It's 'his' business!' Kirk tells Fiz, 'Ah, well, it isn't. I sorted it out with me mam and dad. I said it wasn't fair me having it all and Maria having nothing, so you've got your half of the business back, sis.' Maria is over the moon and leaps up to give her brother a hug and a kiss, much to Fiz's annoyance.

Fiz blusters that they still won't need Molly but Kirk isn't so sure. Molly tells him, 'Give me a trial!' Fiz butts in, 'Yeah, and then when we decide you are rubbish we can get rid of you.' Molly tells her, 'You keep out. This is 'Kirk's decision. Give me a trial Kirk. If you think I am no good then you can tell me to go...' She looks Kirk right in the eyes and adds, '.....but I promise you, you wont!'

Annie Logan





Monday 12 September, Episode 6111,112

Fiz is using her most persuasive voice, trying to persuade Kirk that Molly isn't right for the job. Kirk can't understand why someone who likes dogs and wants the job would be wrong for it. So Fiz changes tack. "To be honest, I was a bit rotten to her at school," she says. She tells Kirk she thinks Molly is planning to get her own back. Kirk refuses to believe this.

Gail is getting ready to go to the Red Rec, where there is a family fun day. David refuses to go because Martin will be there in his chicken outfit. He makes Gail promise that none of his mates will find out it's Martin inside the costume.

Molly arrives at work all hearty and friendly. She tells Kirk he just needs to tell her what needs doing. "I'm not afraid of hard work and I don't mind a dirty job," she says. Kirk takes this in the most innocent way possible, bless him. He looks so pleased with Molly that Fiz suddenly doesn't feel like going to work. But Kirk's little face is positively beaming as he reassures her she can go to work. "I don't need you now I've got Molly." Which is what Fiz is dreadfully afraid of. Molly offers to make Kirk a cuppa. Fiz mutters to Mara: "Look at that. She's pampering him. He's not used to that sort of thing. It'll blow his mind."

Shelley bravely suggests to Charlie that she needs someone to give her away and was thinking of asking her Mum. He sighs in that way he has and tells her that Bev came to see him yesterday. He claims she tried to pay him off. "And you want HER to give you away to me?"

Out in Gail's back yard, Gail and Audrey are talking about Keith. Audrey says Keith's a nice chap but he's so tight he could peel an orange in his pocket. She gives Gail a list of examples -- going to the movies in the afternoon when it's cheap, going for a pizza because there are special rates for pensioners. And to top it all, when Audrey couldn't finish her pizza, he took the rest home with him. "Now I call that really miserly." It doesn't seem to have crossed her mind that Keith's hobby is gardening. He pops up from behind the fence, deeply offended. With barely restrained anger, he tells them is not miserly. He is careful. He says that he's been trying to save up for a suit so he will look as well turned out as Audrey. He asks her to come out and help him choose one.

At the Weatherfield Arms, Liz is flirting with a plumber called Barry. He's really that bloke from Fat Friends who is popping up in more and more series now. He flirts back and when he discovers Liz's boss is away, offers to buy her a drink, which she accepts. They are getting on very nicely when they are interrupted by Diggory. In his usual fashion, he spouts some chat up lines so sickly they make us wonder if he's been at the marzipan too much.

In the factory, Fizz is pouring out her heart to her workmates. She tells us the completely unnecessary information that not only does Kirk look like an Afghan hound, but he likes being tickled behind the ears. "If that Molly Compton tickles him behind the ears. that'll be it," she says. "She'll have him."

Tracy is also thinking of going to the family fun day and asks Nathan to come with her. She thinks Amy will love it.

Gail stops in the Rovers to have a drink with her mam and Keith. Keith has a bag and Gail asks if it contains his new suit. Audrey is quite scathing as she reports that the "new" suit came from a charity shop. And we hear that Keith tried to persuade Audrey to buy a blouse from the shop (now that I'd like to see -- Audrey wearing cast-offs). "Never mind," says Keith. "You've got a birthday coming up."

In the taxi office, they're discussing ways to make the days more interesting. Lloyd is sick of their call signs and suggests they all choose new ones. He wants to be Lone Wolf. Les loves the idea and wants to be called Mr Wonderful, because that was his nickname at school. "They used to call me Sex Bomb," says Claire, "because I wasn't." Is she trying to tell Les something? "No way. I'd have sussed that," he tells her. But he's gone right off the name Mr Wonderful and asks to be known as Alpha Male. Lloyd asks Steve what he wants to be called. "To be honest, I don't give a monkey's," Steve replies, but Lloyd thinks this is too long for a call sign, LOL.

Charlie is manipulating Shelley once again, saying that perhaps they should postpone the wedding until she changes her mind about inviting her mother. Shelley seems devastated. Once again, something she chooses is turning to custard. She seems near breaking point when Charlie suddenly changes his mind and says he'd like Bev there. He wants to see the look on her face when Shelley says "I do."

There's a small tiger on the Red Rec. Oh, no, it's just Bethany with her face painted. The PA announces that the stars of Weatherfield County football team will arrive soon. They do and parade into the fun day with Bernard the rooster at their head. Bernard heads straight for the extended Roberts-Platt-Hillman family and seems to be doing a strange mating dance. Then he grabs Audrey and kisses her in a very dramatic fashion. The crowd cheers and as he's playing to the crowd, some wag sticks out a foot and trips him. When he hits the ground, two lads are ready. They grab his head and run, leaving Martin exposed to all and sundry -- probably even David's pals. Audrey seems quite stunned. Nathan sees all this and in best superhero fashion, takes off after the boys with the head.

Fiz is still worried, but Tyrone reassures her, or tries to, by saying no-one in their right mind would fancy Kirk. Fiz points and that she does fancy him and is in her right mind. Janice, trying to salvage something, points out that Kirk would be a good catch because he's got his own business.

Barry is back in the Wethy Arms and flirting with Liz again. Bev says she thinks Liz will have trouble with him, but Liz tells her it's nothing she can't handle.

Fiz is getting more and more agitated because Kirk is late to the Rovers. "Maybe something came up," Janice sniggers.

Martin arrives at the Rovers to claim his head from Nathan. "Is this the first time you've lost your head over a bird?" Tracy asks him. The rest of the humour is of a similar standard, though no-one uses my personal choice of working "headless chicken" into a sentence. Even Betty gets in on the act when he asks for a pint. "Course you can, cock," Betty replies.

Janice is finally wound up so tight her spring breaks and she rushes off to find out what's going on down at the kennels.

What's going on is that Molly and Kirk are discussing fleas. Molly's managed to spot that a dog had some fleas. Kirk has been very impressed by her work. Molly tells him she's been thinking about the business and thinks they could have a cemetery and burial, with memorial plaques for sale. "Could be a good little earner over the years," she says. She's standing on a platform raised up from Kirk and can see over his head. She obviously sees Fiz coming and suddenly screeches that a flea has got down inside her top. And just at the opportune time, she whips off her top and asks Kirk if he can see the flea. Of course, this isn't what it looks like to Fiz.

Part 2

At the Kennels Fiz opens the gate and enters. She hears Molly's voice giggling, "Ooh, you like that, don't you?" and Kirk replying, "God, you are 'really' good at this!" Inside the hut the pair are very close. The door bursts open and Fiz has a face like thunder. The pair of them is giving a dog a bath. Kirk carries on as nothing has happened but Molly just smirks at Fiz because she knows why Fiz has come.

Over at the Arms Bev tells Liz that the other barmaid has just phoned in sick so she will have to work this evening. Liz tells her, "But Barry is supposed to be taking me out tonight" Bev tells, "I can't run this place on my own" Liz tells Barry she has to work but asks, "You could always stop here for a drink" Barry replies, "What? On me todd?" Liz replies, "No, we can find a nice quiet corner and then I'll be on hand for Bev if she needs me" Bev does not look pleased at this idea.

Back at the Kennels and Molly winds up Fiz by saying, "She's come to check up on us. I mean, a man and a woman working together and a bath full of soapy water. Anything could happen" Fiz quickly thinks and says she just came to see what he wanted for his tea. Molly says, "Ooh, you can tell she's the possessive type. Usually a sign of insecurity that is, when a woman can't trust her man" Fiz snaps, "Who says I can't trust him?" Molly smirks, "You wouldn't be here otherwise!" Fiz says, "Don't be daft!" Molly says, "Alright, no need to bite my head off." She then tells Kirk, "I'd better get this one back to his kennel. Come on, Jedi!" As she passes Fiz she gives a smile.

And at the Arms again Barry and Liz are getting on very well. Bev says that there are glasses need collecting and adds, "And you can clean up that spillage while you are at it" Liz thinks she is jealous. Barry whispers, "I wish we could go somewhere a bit more... intimate" Liz says, "Hang on, I've got an idea!" She gets her mobile and says, "Maria? Hi, it's me. Are you busy?"

Another visit to the Kennels, Molly completely over reacting, as she starts sobbing and says, "I'm sorry. It's just the effect she has on me. Oh, I try to blot out the memories but... they just keep coming back. Fee Fi Fo Fum! Fee Fi Fo Fum! That's what she used to shout when she chased me in the playground!" Kirk asks, "What? Like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk you mean?" Molly says, "Well, she was always a big lass and I was very small for my age on account of having a rare bone disorder. That's why she singled me out. Bullies do, don't they? Pick on those who can't defend themselves" Kirk says, "I never had you down as a weakling. If anything you come over as.... well, a bit bossy" Molly cries, "It's a defense mechanism. I couldn't let her see she had got to me. I still can't!" Kirk asks if she was really horrible. Molly still sobbing and making it up says, "My psychiatrist says it's a miracle I came through the ordeal. He reckons the sight of ginger hair will always bring me out in hives" Kirk gasps, "You think you know someone...." Molly tells him, "I'm sure she's changed. She's not the evil vindictive nut case that ruined my life" Kirk hugs her, while Molly gives a smile knowing he's believing everything she says.

At the Platt's Gail tells Audrey that she is considering letting Phil do his dissertation on her and her experiences but wants to talk it over with the kids first. Audrey says, "He's a foot man. He should be writing a thesis on bunions, not serial killers" She tells Gail, "If one thing can be said for Keith it's that what you see is what you get. He's got his feet firmly on the ground!" They hear squeaking noises outside and go to investigate only to find Craig chasing a piglet round the garden. Keith introduces them to 'Porky' and tells them, "It's a young boar, only been weaned a couple of days. I'm rearing it for the meat. Belly pork, pork chops.... they say you can eat everything but the oink!" Gail tells Keith he has to get rid of it, citing everything from smell, right through to it eating her and Bethany as reasons it should be somewhere else. Keith grumps, "You won't be complaining when you find a pound of best back bacon on your door handle!" Craig says, "Ignore her Granddad. They can't stand anyone who doesn't fit in with their boring conventions, who stands up and dares to do something different. Well it's 'our' garden and we'll do what we like in it!"

Battersby's household and Fiz is in the mood for love. Kirk pushes her off. Fiz says, "It's that Molly's doing, isn't it?" Kirk says Molly still has nightmares about her chasing her at school. Fiz replies, "Hang on.... I might have taken her dinner money once or twice, and I might have pulled her hair but I never..." Kirk butts in, "What you did to that girl was evil. I'm not sure I can carry on going out with you now" Fiz tells him that she admits she was trouble at school, "But she is making it sound worse than it was. Do I bully you? Or anyone else? I'm a nice person Kirk, or at least I would be if she wasn't trying her best to split us up!" Kirk tells her he doesn't really want to finish with her, "But next time we see Molly I want you to say sorry to her" Fiz says she has and it was thrown back in her face. Kirk tells her, "Well tell her again, and again, and every time you see her if you have to if that's what it takes to prove you are a nice person"

At the Salon, Audrey is getting ready and Keith is impatient because he wants to get there before they have to pay more. "We could go dutch, or I'll pay, anything to make a change from bolting our food down and being out before the normal diners arrive!" Audrey tells him. Keith says, "I didn't realize eating with me was such an ordeal" She says he's tight and if he won a million pounds he'd still drive a hundred miles to save a few pence on a gallon of petrol. Keith is clearly stung and hurt and tells her, "If I won a million pounds I'd take you on a round the world cruise, buy you diamonds. We'd eat at the poshest restaurants in the land, no, better still we'd lobster fresh of the boat in a little cottage in Robin Hood Bay... but I can't. I'm on a pension. I'm bringing up a teenage lad on my own, no help, no state benefits" Audrey says she's sorry, "I was only joking" Keith tells her, "I don't know how we make it through the week sometimes. That pig, I hope, will see me and our Craig through next winter!" She starts laughing, "I know, I know everything you say is true and but... when you mention that pig...." the pair of them start giggling.

Over at the Rovers Fiz and Kirk see Molly. Kirk tells her shes no longer on trial. Molly is over the moon and thanks Kirk. He tells her, "Don't thank me. Thank Fiz. She thinks you're brilliant, don't you Fiz?" Fiz smiles through tightly gritted teeth, "Oh yeah, I think you working at the kennels is one of the best things that could have happened" Danny and Frankie enter for a quick drink. Frankie says how much she's missed 'her little boy' and goes off to the toilet. Danny and Leanne exchange knowing looks with each other, Jamie between them seemingly oblivious to the simmering sexual tension. Janice loudly tells him what a laugh his ex wife was when she popped into the factory, "She told us loads of things about you" Danny looks at Jamie angrily.

Back to the Platt's and Gail brings up the subject of Phil's thesis, "And he'd like to talk to... well, all of us really" David snaps, "Does he work for the police?" Gail replies, "No, but they aren't the only people who take a professional interest in.... what happened to us" David asks, "Is he a psychiatrist?" Gail says, "No" David angrily says, "Then it's got nothing do with 'him' what happened to 'us'!" Sarah interrupts, "What worries me is...you hardly know the guy, yet you'd expect us to talk about something that 'we' never talk about" Gail replies, "Don't we?" Sarah replies, "No" Gail tells them, "Well, I'm sorry you feel you can't talk to me. I though we were a close family that talked about things. Now I feel I don't have the slightest clue what's going on inside your heads" Sarah begins, "I used to... no, it doesn't matter" Gail says, "No go on. Just say it" Sarah tells her, "I used to lie in bed at night wondering...why us" Gail gasps. Then says, "Oh Sarah" David interrupts, "I can answer that one" Sarah snaps at him to shut up but Gail tells her, "No Sarah, let him speak" David says, "You want to hear my theory? It's short and sweet..... I blame you! You brought him into this house, didn't you? You brought a madman into this house, let him tie me up, shove me into a car and drive me into a canal!" Gail looks in horror at him. David says, "Well you wanted to know my opinion"

Another visit to the Rovers and Barry and Liz are happily enjoying them selves. Bev interrupting her by phone to tell her the jukebox at the Arms has jammed, "They've had Three Times A Lady on 22 times on the trot" The pair then indulge in a rather tuneless medley of Lionel's greatest hits. Liz's favourite is "Easy" Barry suggests that they pick up a bottle of wine and go back to her place to listen to some music. Liz is only too keen and tells him, "Hey, I' think I've got his greatest hits CD!" Gail enters and finds Phil and tells him she has spoken to the kids. He tells her, "Look if it's going to be too traumatic" but she tells him, "No, I think we 'need' to talk to you. I just don't think I'm going to like what I'm going to hear" Eileen enters and sees Phil and Gail getting on very well.

Over at the Baldwin's Leanne comes downstairs 'to get a glass of water' knowing full well Danny is in the kitchen. He tells her he is not too keen on the idea of her and Jamie in his bed. She retorts, "I wasn't that keen on you and Frankie is some posh hotel in Spain. You could have let me know you were going" He apologises but she taunts, "Still I had Jamie to take my mind off it. After three days I couldn't even remember what your name was. Anyway, it gave me time to think" He replies, "Me too. What we've been doing isn't exactly nice, is it?" Leanne agrees, "No, I know" Danny tells her, "Best we make sure it doesn't happen again" Leanne is clearly hurt but tells him, "That's exactly the conclusion I came to as well" Danny replies, "Great minds think alike, eh? See you in the morning"

Outside the Rovers Barry and Liz are kissing when they hear someone screaming, "Liz! Liz!" It's Bev and Liz angrily says, "Not again! What now?" Bev tells them someone was following her on the way home. Liz tells her she is imagining things but Bev insistent there was someone behind her. Barry tells Liz to take her indoors while he goes to check if he can see anyone. Fiz and Kirk head home, she tells him she will catch him up in a minute. "I've left me purse in the pub"

In the pub she confronts Molly, "I want a word with you" Molly snorts, "I knew you being nice to me was an act!" Fiz growls, "I'm warning you. Keep you hands off my fella!" Molly smirks. "Oh you 'are' insecure, aren't you? They say a lot of bullies are, deep down" Fiz says, "Why can't you just let it go? Move on! Stop digging up the past!" Molly smiles, "Because I enjoy it" Fiz takes a step closer and hisses, "Now look here..." Molly butts in, "We're not at school anymore and you don't frighten me. In fact, if anyone should be quaking in their boots right now it's you!"

Amanda Souter





Wednesday 14 September, Episode 6113


Written by: Joe Turner
Directed by: Ian Bevitt

Fiz isn't happy with Kirk's choice of T shirt. The slogan on the front says ITS (sic) HARD WORK BEING THIS GOOD LOOKING. Well, it's all in the eye of the beholder, I suppose, but Fiz's concern is that she doesn't want Kirk advertising his 'assets' to Molly. So Kirk takes the T shirt off, and his naked chest reminds Fiz of 'Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise.' It reminds Les, more plausibly, of 'spare ribs in barbecue sauce.' Les tells them about his new call-sign being Alpha Male. 'You do know what an alpha male is, don't you?' he asks Kirk. 'Is it t'first bloke in the alphabet?' Kirk guesses. Beauty and brains, eh? No wonder Fiz is feeling insecure. Before Kirk leaves for work Fiz tells him she loves him and says he shouldn't let anyone tell him that she doesn't.

Sartorial matters are also under consideration at the Kabin, as Norris is getting Rita's and Emily's opinion on which tie he should wear for his next job interview. Rita is getting annoyed because he's taking so long about it and he's meant to be working, and he again says he wouldn't be looking for other jobs if she would sell him a share in the Kabin. Again she refuses. Emily suggests he might be making the interview up to get attention. He shows them the letter from the company. Rita's never heard of them, but Norris says 'They're new. They're dynamic. They're the future of stationery.' Fiz confronts Molly outside the baker's shop. 'I know you fancy Kirk,' she says. Molly denies this. Fiz says, 'I know you don't like me, but please leave Kirk alone.' 'Why should I?' Molly wants to know. 'Because he's my boyfriend.' 'And do you love your little Kirkie?' Molly mocks her. 'You'd be really upset if he chucked you – especially if he chucked you to go out with me.' Fiz says she's begging Molly to leave Kirk alone. 'Does he know you don't think he's got a mind of his own?' Molly says, and very pointedly wonders whether her top's too flirty for work: 'I'm not showing too much cleavage, am I?' Evil, she is.

Rosie has come to visit The Lovely Craig, but doesn't want to go anywhere near his granddad, who is sitting in the garden holding a happy piglet. She agrees to give the pig a little stroke on his head, and likes him so much she even rubs sunscreen on him. 'They haven't got the sense to look for the shade,' Keith tells her. 'And there are other benefits – it helps make the crackling really crispy.' Rosie looks horrified at the idea that they plan to eat their porky pet.

Norris is waiting for his job interview along with two other applicants – a woman he mistakes for a secretary, and a young man who's so nervous he could twitch for England. Norris gives him relaxation tips: 'Whenever you're feeling stressed or under pressure, just go to your calm place.' But when the interviewer comes out to get Norris and it turns out to be a face from Norris's past called Neville, he turns into a twitching wreck himself. 'Go to your calm place!' the female applicant advises him. 'Shurrup!' snaps Norris, and goes into the interview room. Neville grins at the other two. 'He's my stepfather,' he says. 'Well, he's my third ex-stepfather, to be accurate. And I've never really liked him!' He rubs his hands and follows Norris into the interview.

In the cab office, Lone Wolf (aka Lloyd) has made a cup of tea for Eileen. Steve thinks he's a pillock for thinking up this call sign business. Pink Lady (aka Claire) radios in, and Eileen says that the new call signs make life a bit more colourful, though she thinks Les (who also radios in) should be Ginger Whinger rather than Alpha Male. Les tells her that her call sign should be Attila the Hun, and she snaps back at him that she's giving the job to another driver (Conan the Barbarian. Would you really want to be driven home by Conan the Barbarian??). Steve is a bit smug because the call signs are causing trouble. Lloyd says they should get all the drivers in to vote on it. They'll call it a staff booze-up, and he's so confident he'll win the vote that he'll stand the first round.

It's obvious that Neville is not going to give his third ex-stepfather an easy time in his interview. 'We have your age down on your application as 46,' he says. Norris says it's obviously a misprint. 'So your typing skills aren't up to much then?' concludes Neville. 'Now let's consider timekeeping.' 'I think you'll find I'm very punctual,' Norris says. 'I'm thinking of Christmas, 1992,' Neville says. 'As I recall, dinner was on the table and you were three hours late.' 'That was because Angela, your mother, had sent me out to find cranberries. Where can you find fresh cranberries on Christmas day? I was searching the hedgerows for hours.' The next question is whether Norris would feel comfortable taking orders from a younger person, and Norris says he's never had any problem with that. 'May the 9th,' Neville says. 'Does that date mean anything to you?' 'Should it?' 'It's my birthday. In 1995, as I recall, I specifically asked for a Scalextric for my birthday, and what did I get?' 'In 1995 you were 32 years old!' Norris protests, but apparently even at 32 socks came as something of a disappointment. Norris says it looks like Neville's got his own back, dragging him to the interview under false pretenses and sniggering behind his big desk. Neville says he's found the experience very rewarding. Then he says they do have an opening for Norris in the company. It's a crucial role. Norris is interested, until he hears what it is. 'We want you to be our chief executive in charge of hot liquid refreshment.' Norris walks out of the office, leaving Neville laughing at him.

The Lovely Craig, Rosie, Keith, Audrey, Gail and David are all outside talking about the pig. It kept Gail awake all night with its squeaking, apparently. Keith says it's just in a settling-in phase. Ashley comes out, and says Keith can't keep a pig in his back garden. Everyone apart from Gail likes the pig, but she says it isn't a suitable environment for a pig, and Ashley agrees: 'What if he gets out? He could have wild boar genes in him. What if he sees Joshua or Bethany? He could charge 'em.' Keith reassures him that it's a very friendly pig, and in an attempt to soften Ashley up says he could offer him a leg at a reasonable price. Ashley reminds him he's a butcher and has access to as much meat as he needs. Keith says they should consider the pig as a pet and a talking point: 'When was the last time we all had a chat over the garden fence?' Audrey agrees and thinks the pig is cute. David thinks it stinks. The Lovely Craig says it doesn't. Keith says he rescued the pig – it had nowhere to go, and he thinks they could make a nice life for it in the Street: 'And then it's all back to mine for a cracking Sunday lunch.' Having convinced everyone of the porker's pet potential, Keith's surprised when Audrey, Rosie and Craig don't look thrilled at the prospect of eating it.

Tracy is in the Rovers, telling Violet about her hectic day at mothers & toddlers, paddling pool etc. She says she doesn't remember her mother doing all those things with her. Les is on his way out of the pub, and tells Tracy and Violet that Steve is taking the Streetcar employees on a taxi drivers' booze-up. Tracy tells Violet she's changed her mind about the drink she just ordered, and goes out.

Also in the Rovers, Norris is telling Rita and Emily about his interview. He says Neville was 'very respectful,' and offered him an executive position, but that he turned it down because working in that company would be like taking a step backwards. He says there'll be better offers in the future, but Rita looks like she doesn't believe him.

Steve, Lloyd, Claire and Les are in the cab office ready for their night out (don't know where Conan the Barbarian is). Kelly turns up and invites herself along, and then Tracy appears. 'I've got some good news,' she tells Steve. 'You can have Amy. Now. Me and Nathan are going out, Gran's at her whist drive, and Mum and Dad are hiding in the Rovers.' Reluctantly he agrees, and tells Eileen she can go out instead of him and he'll look after the switch (fun for Amy, then, spending the evening in a manky cab office). Everyone else leaves, and Steve tells Tracy to bring Amy, and bring a book so he can read her a story. 'There's no need,' Tracy says. 'She's fast asleep. And don't wake her – she's had a busy day.'

Strange edit here, because the next scene is presumably a few hours later. We're still in the cab office, but it's dark outside now and Amy is sleeping peacefully in her pram. Lloyd rings Steve to tell him they've had a vote and 'all the drivers love the new call signs.' They're having a great time – Eileen and Kelly are in the background doing karaoke. Steve looks for a moment like he wishes he was with them, but when he puts the phone down he looks at his sleeping daughter and says to her, 'Have you any idea the trouble you've caused so I can sit and watch you sleep? And you know what? You're worth it.' His face is full of love, and I swear I've got tears in my eyes. Aaaaaahhh…..

At a busy Weatherfield Arms, Liz asks Bev if she can manage on her own for the last hour: 'I've going to try and make myself look my best for Barry!' 'Is an hour enough?' Bev snaps back, but agrees. Liz goes off, and no sooner has she gone than Charlie looms up behind Bev. 'Anything I should know, mother-in-law? Any surprises up your sleeve? Cos Shelley gets very upset when unexpected things happen, and you wouldn't want your daughter to be upset now, would you?' 'No I wouldn't,' she says. 'Good. Let's keep it that way.' He slides out of the pub.

Another strange edit, because in the next scene, Bev is outside her front door rummaging in her bag for her keys. She's dazzled by the headlights of a car coming towards her, and drops the keys. As she picks them up she hears someone get out of the car and she's obviously scared, but it turns out to be Barry on his way to see Liz. Bev goes into her flat, and Barry rings Liz's doorbell, and as he goes in we see another car stopping in the street. Bev is in her flat now, and she glances out of the window and sees the other car parked there, with someone inside. We can't see who it is, but Bev looks nervous and scared.

Sue Haasler





Friday 16 September, Episode 6114, 6115

Well, thanks to football or golf or something (and a big WELL DONE to Michael Campbell!) Friday brought us two episodes of Corrie. So, like a giant packet of Persil, you get twice as much in the box. So off we go, with a couple of episodes designed to leave you clean and fresh-smelling.

We begin with Bev emerging from her front door, looking as if she expects an articulated lorry to be heading straight for her. Consequently, she seems a bit startled when Liz calls out to her. It seems it's Liz's day off and she's expecting to have Barry for lunch (nudge nudge). He stayed the night but had to leave very early. Bev suggests this means he had to get home before his wife woke up, but Liz's reaction is so hostile she backs off. She tells Liz she's uptight because she's sure her flat was being watched. She believes it was Charlie. Liz seems very sympathetic, but the minute Bev goes off to work, Liz tells Steve that Bev is a drama queen who is just upset because Liz has a fella and she doesn't. Steve's had Amy all night but she was asleep. He wouldn't put it past Tracy to have given her a sleeping tablet!

In the taxi office, Eileen is complaining of a bad head. Les suggests it's because she was mixing her drinks, but Eileen insists it's because she's got him mithering on at her about call signs. Lloyd points out that they had a vote and the new call signs stay. "I had eight rum and blacks and two lagers," Eileen points out. "I don't know what I was voting on!" She says she can barely remember her own, name, let alone remember to call Les 'pathetic male'. "'AY!!" shouts the pathetic one. "I'm Alpha Male! Is it our fault you can't hold your drink?"

In the Kabin, Jason has had to go and buy a special notebook so he can write his best man's speech. She points out that Norris isn't doing any speaking because he's in a mood. But as soon as Jason is gone, Norris rounds on Rita for making him look foolish. He says he's subdued, he's not in a mood. He's received another rejection letter. He tells her to make the most of ridiculing him while she can, because he won't be around much longer.

Emily is in the taxi office, explaining to Eileen that she'd get the bus but there are roadworks and they've re-routed the Number Six. Eileen calls up looking for a free cab and discovers that Lloyd has suddenly decided to rename himself Red Stallion. "I thought you were Lone Wolf," Eileen tells him. "How am I supposed to know who you are?" Les chimes in and then gets upset when Eileen won't use his new call sign. He points out that she gave him the wrong address but he found the fare anyway and explained about Eileen's problem with the drink, "Didn't I, Father?" The man in the back of the cab in an Orthodox Jew. Les and Lloyd start suggesting call signs for Eileen, including Drunken Dog and Hungover Hound. She suggests Thick Ignorant Wassocks for the pair of them, but still they keep winding her up. As the exchanges continue, Eileen pulls the plug, Emily decides she doesn't need a cab after all, and Les discovers his fare has vanished!

In the Rovers, a very touchy Fizz is toying with her food. She tells Hayley she's taken Kirk for granted and Molly's going after him just to spite her. "It's fate, isn't it? I stole Tyrone and now Kirk's going to be stolen from me."

In the Weatherfield Arms, Jason is yet another Rovers regular who has wandered in to help further a plot line. Bev tried to pump him for information about Charlie but he's too busy trying to write his speech. Bev has plenty of suggestions for what he could say (the words "low life scum" were included). She is interrupted by the telephone. It's Fred. We don't hear what he says, but it's enough to make Bev say "I'll be there in ten minutes" and scurry off.

A tall, suited woman wanders into the Kabin and tells "Renee" that it must be ten years since she was in there. "Is whatsername still here? Mavis?" Yes, it's Angela, Norris's ex wife. She points out that Norris took Derek's place in her life and Mavis's in Rita's life.(You can tell Daran Little used to be the show's archivist. His writing always includes reference to this sort of back story. Norris nearly spills the tea when he spots her. Her voice drops about two octaves when she purrs "Hello, Norris."

Bev has arrived home to find Fred standing on her doorstep. He's doing a good job of obscuring the giant "SLAG" painted across her front door. He tells her there are several bin bags of men's clothing which seem to have been dumped there. Bev is certain the culprit must be Charlie Stubbs. Fred says he'll paint over the offending word.

Back in the Kabin, Angela is toying with Norris. The poor thing is crouched behind the counter, his whiskers quivering as he waits for her to deliver the fatal blow. But Angela comes to praise Norris, not to bury him. She apologises for the way their marriage was. Norris isn't fooled. He tells her she can get back on her broomstick and fly back to Neville. "I may only work in a paper shop where the only authority I have is over surly paperboys or deciding whether we have digestives or fig rolls with our tea, but at least I have my dignity," he squeaks. Angela tells him she's come to offer him the job he applied for. She wasn't at the interview because she was at a funeral -- her sixth husband's! "I'm a great believer in fate, Renee," she tells Rita. When one door closes, another opens. Rita thinks she knows how that works. "When one husband dies, another applies for a job?" She's got it. Angela tells Norris not to make up his mind straight away.

In the Rovers, Molly walks in and seems very friendly. Hayley wonders if Fizz might be imagining things, but Fizz is sure Molly is her nemesis. Hayley tells her she has the most powerful weapon of all -- love. When Hayley goes to the loo, Molly takes the opportunity to let Fizz know she's taking a hotpot back to Kirk at the kennels. "I think he deserves something nice, don't you?" She tells Fizz that if she were a dog, Molly would have had her put down by now.

Steve is back at the office and tells Eileen he heard everything on the radio. He freaks out when he realises she's pulled the plug and switches the thing back on again to hear Les still raving on. Steve says the whole thing is Lloyd's fault and when Lloyd comes in he mutters to Eileen to follow his lead. He tells Lloyd that Eileen has resigned and will be snapped up by Dial-A-Cab and it's all Lloyd's fault. Eileen plays along and leaves, with Lloyd wailing that Steve should go after her.

In the Rovers, Fred tells Bev he's painted over the door. He says she'll stay with them tonight because he knows she won't sleep a wink at home. Steve and Eileen are at the bar when Lloyd comes in. Steve tells him he's promised Eileen that Les will apologise ("Publicly," chips in Eileen) and that Lloyd will do the graveyard shift all week, but she still won't return. Lloyd says he'd even get down on his knees and beg if he thought it would make a difference. So Eileen makes him do it. Then, "I'll think about it," she tells him, suggesting he buy her a drink, which startles Violet when Lloyd tries to order without getting up off his knees.

At Bev's door, Bev meets a woman who accuses her of being a home-wrecker. When Bev protests, she realises the woman is the person who sprayed the word on her door. And when the woman wants to know what her husband's van is doing parked outside Bev's door, Bev realises the woman has the wrong Wethy Arms barmaid! She's about to knock on Liz's door when it opens and Barry stumbles into the street, helped by a good push from Liz, who has just found out he's married. Barry protests that he's married but the marriage is over. He's ambushed from behind by Mrs Barry, who tells him the marriage isn't over until she says it is! And he obviously has more suffering to do as she drags him away. And Liz declares she's off men, but nobody hears her because they're all distracted by the sight of all those pigs in the sky.

In the Kabin, Rita and Norris are both muttering about Angela, but neither is listening. Rita's still upset at being called Renee, and Norris can't understand why Angela was more like a pussycat than a marauding shark. It's only when Norris starts wondering what to wear to dinner with Angela that Rita snaps out of it and asks if he's really thinking of accepting the job offer. He is. "Looks like you'll be putting a card in the window for a new assistant."

Without further ado, episode Two:

Liz stomps into the taxi office saying she's had it with men. She tells Steve Barry only wanted her for her body. Steve doesn't want to know. Les tells her he loves a good row. He also says Bev has more nous than Liz, though both have been round the block a few times. Liz keeps protesting that she didn't know he was married.

Sophie is visiting Chesney. As Cilla watches, she tells him that if he keeps bunking off school he will forfeit every vestige of personal ambition ("What's a vestige?" asks Ches.). She continues; "And all hope of achieving social mobility." She's taking off one of the teachers. Cilla, tucking into a doorstop sandwich, wants to know why Chesney came home for lunch when there's nothing to eat. She tells him to go back and get his free lunch. "Deprived children are entitled to be fed by the state," Sophie agrees. I love this girl. Cilla doesn't. She asks if Sophie wants a belt, but Sophie is just quoting what her mother says. Cilla chases them both out, but Chesney puts his hand under the cushion on Les's chair first. "He'll love it," he mutters.

Charlie is continuing his life's work, this time making Shelley feel insecure about going to buy a wedding dress. She tells Charlie that every time she achieves something, she gets a reward. Zack's agreed to come and help her buy the dress if she manages a couple of hours behind the bar. "So Zack's your reward?" Charlie says in that quiet voice that only means trouble. "No, the dress is the reward." She goes into the bar.

Cilla wants to know if Fizz has anything decent to wear. "I'm not the one who's going to be decked out like a white satin Dalek," Fizz tells her. Cilla protests that "Brides always look lovely, and so will I." Les comes in, ranting about just chasing Chesney back to school. He goes to sit down and finds what looks like an unpleasant message from Schmeichel. He's about to go and get changed when they all realise there's no smell. Les picks up the offensive matter. "He, he, it's plastic," he says. "It's not from one of my dogs, then," Kirk points out. "They all do the proper stuff!"

Norris is preparing for his lunch with Angela. This appears to consist of polishing his glasses and arguing with Rita and Emily. He's sure Angela has changed for the better. Once he's gone, the ladies exchange meaningful looks.

Bev and Shelley are having a somewhat stilted conversation in the Rovers. Bev offers to go along but Shelley says Zack is going. Charlie, typically, comes over and joins in the conversation, prompting Bev to run off, saying she might pop back and see how Shelley's got on with the dress. Shelley tells Charlie that Zack is meeting her at the bus stop.

Norris arrives to meet Angela and they take their seats. Norris agrees that not all their memories are bad. She wants to hear all about him.

Jason comes into the bar. He's finished work early. He wants to relax but Charlie tells him he'll work till five and orders him to tidy the yard. Jason is so annoyed he asks Charlie what he's doing in the pub when Shelley is at the bus stop "getting all lovey dovey with the bloke who's supposed to be sorting your problems out."

We switch to the bus stop, where Shelley is telling Zack how she felt about her first wedding. Zack puts a comforting hand around her shoulders, reassuring her that he'll be with her every step of the way. The bus comes and she gives Zack a hug before getting on it. As it leaves, we see a grim looking Charlie standing outside the Rovers watching.

Angela is trying to get Norris to send back his burnt meal, but he insists he likes it like that. She follows up by telling him he needs his teeth straightening and his fillings replaced by white ones. "Don't worry -- your eyes, your teeth, your muscle tone, just sit back and leave all that to me," she says.

Fizz is ready to confront Kirk when he gets home. She's found his porn stash. Well, a magazine called Dirty Dog. Cilla says he's got to have something to look at. "He's got me," Fizz points out. "I bought it for the Afghan hound," Kirk protests. Maria says girls who do that (what? we can't see the cover properly!) are as common as muck. Kirk says he thinks she's really lovely. She's got shiny hair and big brown eyes. He says he's talking about the dogs. Cilla tells Fizz to leave Kirk alone, but Fizz wonders what Cilla would do if it was Les's magazine. "Les has got enough to cope with," Cilla says. Chesney comes home but seems to be ignored. Fizz takes the magazine to the bin.

Angela has ordered dessert for Norris. Then she orders him to eat it. "Don't argue. It doesn't become you and I won't tolerate it," she tells him. He tries to leave, but she orders him to sit down. Then she proposes marriage! Norris gets enough gumption to disobey, says goodbye and walks out.

Shelley has snuck back home without telling Charlie. She tells Fred not to say anything until she's put the shopping away. He tells her they all support her. He asks if he can give her away. Shelley is tickled pink and gives him a big hug.

Rita and Emily are in the bar wondering where Norris is and whether he's been offered the job of his dreams. Bev says that the job of your dreams and the men of your dreams all turn out to be nightmares, and Liz agrees. Charlie tells Jason Bev has been there for two hours. Jason apologises for stirring over Shelley and Zack.

Chesney wants to talk man-to-man to Les and doesn't want his mum to know. Les is a bit apprehensive but agrees. It's Sophie Webster. Chesney thinks she's gorgeous, even though she won't stop talking. "All I want to do is stare at her." He asks if Les thinks he's normal. "Do you do the same thing?" Les says he hardly knows the girl. But Chesney wants to know if he thinks Cilla is gorgeous. "Do you stare at her?" Les admits he does. "Do you listen to every word she says?" That's a step too far. "Down that road lies madness," he tells Ches. He advises Chesney that at his age he should stick with his joke box.

Bev has been left on her own in the bar. Fred offers a sympathetic ear and tells Bev he's offered to give Shelley away. He says Bev will never be without a friend while he's around.

In the back, Shelley is telling Charlie she brought everything home except the dress, because that needed altering. Charlie guesses it needed letting out. Shelley tells him how well the shopping went and that she didn't feel panicky or stressed. "I was having too much fun." Charlie says that settles it. She doesn't need to see Zack again. She doesn't need him any more. She protests that Zack gives her courage. "No, I've made my mind up. He's too pricey." Shelley says he can't do that. "I can do whatever I want," Charlie says. Shelley begs. Charlie says Zack has a reputation for taking his vulnerable clients to bed. "Choose between us, Shell. You can't have us

both."

The end.
Margaret Carr






Sunday 18 September, Episode 6116

It's breakfast time at the Battersby's and Les has cooked a fry up. Unbeknown to him Chesney has put cling film over the top of the sauce bottle, so of course, none will come out. He sends Les out to look for more and while he's out of the room Ches takes the cling film off. Of course, Les comes back saying there is no more, and gives the bottle a hefty whack. To Chesney's great amusement his meal is then swamped with brown sauce!

Over at the Rovers, Shelley has been up for hours, sitting and thinking in the back room. Charlie comes in and she tells him she doesn't think she can go through with it all without Zak. She pleads with him to be able to see Zak again, but Charlie is adamant, if she sees Zak there'll be no wedding.

Mike and Adam call round to the junior Baldwin residence. Danny is reading the paper so tells a huffy Jamie to put the kettle on. Mike tells Danny he wants him to take Adam to a fabric fair and show him the ropes. Adam asks Jamie if he'd like to go too, and Jamie is chuffed and says he would. Danny, however, pours cold water on the idea, telling him he's got lots of jobs to do at the factory.

Over in the Kabin, Rita asks Norris how he got on with Angela at dinner. "Norris!" Just then Angela's dulcet tones fill the shop. She has come to try to talk him into taking the job, "Where's that go getter I married?" she demands to know. Norris tells her he's gone and got all he wants, he likes the Kabin. Angela immediately insinuates that he's staying because he's interested in Rita, who is aghast at the idea. "I pity you Norris," Angela tells him, "holding a candle for a geriatric match girl!" She marches out, leaving Rita and Norris looking at each other with embarrassment.

Chesney has taken Schmeichel round to the Webster's house, along with a pair of binoculars. He tries to get Sophie to look through them, but he's no match for her sharp mind and she manages to turn the tables on him before he's realised. Chesney ends up with black rings round his eyes, like a panda! She sends him upstairs to wash his face in the bathroom, but seconds later there are screams to be heard and Chesney makes a swift departure. It seems he walked in on Sally in the shower!

Back in the Rovers, Zak has arrived at Shelley's request. As Charlie stands with folded arms, Shelley takes some deep breaths and starts trying to say something to Zak. She turns, "Please, Charlie?" she begs, but Charlie is unmoved, so she eventually manages to tell Zak she doesn't want to see him any more. "You don't want to?" he queries, but she asks him to leave. "You've got my number, call me anytime," he tells her as he goes. "Good girl," Charlie whispers in her ear, and kisses her, but Shelley looks far from happy.

Keith and Audrey are clearing out her garage. He puts on an old jacket of Alf's and Audrey reaches for the camera. Just then Gail and Sarah arrive, on their way to town. Gail sees that there's a film in the camera so takes it off to get it developed.

Bev finds Liz in the Kabin and tells her that she's planning to give Shelley a hen night and asks her to comes.

Over in the pub, Jason and Charlie are playing darts and planning Charlie's stag night. "Never mind Shelley, I'm going to do what suits me tomorrow," he tells Jason, "After all, who knows what tonight might bring."

After the break, we see Jason and Violet walking down the road, talking about the stag night. Jason remarks that it's Charlie's last night of freedom, and it's no wonder he 'plays away', Shelley's halfway round the twist. Violet is horrified, and wants to know how often he does it. Jason confesses that the time Charlie got a black eye and blamed Dev, it was actually the husband of a woman Charlie had been messing around with. "Poor Shell," remarks Violet.

Mike comes out of Underworld and sees Jamie washing the van. He stops to chat and finds that Jamie is very disgruntled about the way his dad treats him. Mike tells him he thinks Danny was out of order that morning, and says he's going to go to the fabric fair that afternoon himself and asks Jamie if he'd like to go with him. Jamie is delighted.

In the Rovers, Charlie tells Shelley he's sorry he had to be so tough on her earlier, he didn't enjoy it. "Neither did I," Shelley tells him. Charlie tells her that it's all over now, and tomorrow they're going to start afresh. He turns on the charm, telling her he knew from the moment he saw her they would end up together, and when he makes his promises tomorrow they'll be for keeps. Then he tells her to makes sure she looks sensational tomorrow, and reveals that he doesn't intend spending the night at the Rovers with her. She is horrified at the thought of staying overnight on her own, but he brushes her fears aside and goes out.

Chesney is pumping shaving foam into his hand. Les comes in behind him and finds out that he's doing it because he thinks the sight of a naked woman will give him hairy palms. Les then hears about Chesney walking in on Sally and him imagination starts to work overtime. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" pleads Chesney. "Course not, you can trust me lad," Les says, "my lips are sealed."

We then see Les in the Rovers, telling anyone who will listen about Sally being naked and parading about in front of Chesney. Charlie walks in on the end of the conversation and tells Les he should give her a bell and save a few quid on a stripper. As they take their leave, Violet kisses Jason goodbye. "Is there not one for me?" asks Charlie, "I am the stag." Reluctantly Violet pecks him on the cheek. They all go off on the stag do, watched from her seat by Bev and her friends. "Right while the prat's away ladies," she says, pouring out the wine

.

Emily takes drinks over to where Norris and Rita are sitting on the bench seat. "Move over Norris," she says, but he obviously doesn't want to, and Emily wonders why he and Rita have hardly spoken to each other all evening. Norris tells her about Angela's insinuations. Emily remarks that sometimes an outsider can see more of a situation. Rita and Norris are most indignant, but Rita confesses that's she's glad he's not leaving. She concedes that they could come to some arrangement, he could have a share in the business.

Out in the street, Charlie and Jason see Sally outside her front door and make jocular remarks about "Gypsy Rose Webster" and Charlie tells her that her figure is wasted on Chesney, if she got her kit off like that for him he'd happily show her his appreciation. Chortling loudly they go off up the street, leaving an indignant Sally letting herself into her house.

Inside, Sophie and Rosie are watching tv, and are confronted by their angry mother who wants to know what Chesney has been saying. Rosie falls about laughing, and asks why Sally didn't lock the door. Sally says she didn't know he was in the house, but Sophie is to tell him that if he goes on spreading tales he'll be in big trouble.

Violet goes upstairs to see Shelley and tells her that Betty would like a word but can't face the stairs. Shelley tells her she'll be down in a minute.

Gail and Audrey are going through the photos that Gail got developed., watched by Sarah and Keith. Audrey says that they're photos of the Grocers and Independent Traders Conference in Blackpool. She was never allowed to go, he always told her it was members only. Suddenly she stops, there is a picture of Alf and Rita, standing very close together. "Was she in that association?" asks Keith. "No," Audrey tells him, "she wasn't."

Shelley walks into the back room of the pub, looking for Betty. "Surprise!" Bev and co. shout, and Shelley stops with a horrified look on her face.

Annie Logan





Monday 19 September, Episode 6117, 6118

Shelley Unwin do you take this man to be you're lawful wedded husband, Bev "He's an evil, vial, pathetic little man" To love him. Jason "Yeah ok he's got a bit of a past, but if you ask me Shelley could do a lot worst" honor him. Sunita "He's got a lot to answer for that man does. He manipulates us like he manipulates Shelley" Comfort him. Violet "Well maybe he's not the man she thinks he is" In sickness and in health. Liz "We've been round the block a few times and can spot a nasty piece if work when we see one" For better for worst. Roy "Marriage is a lot like a bank account. You put in. You take out. Sometimes you lose interest" For as long as you both shall live, Coronation Street – TV Advert for this episode

First part of tonight

Back room of the Rovers. Shelley shocked, "You never said. You should've said" She runs. Sunita goes to her back. Bev says, "That was the shorted hen do in history. Maybe you should do the same for the wedding" Violet says, "You said to make it a surprise" Bev thinks Shelley is in a state and can't go through with the wedding, and they have to stop her. Liz points out that hen parts are not for that. Betty says she's going to wear the 'L' plate because you're never to late to learn and have a new drink to celebrate. Bev says she will do that it take's to stop Shelley.

Upstairs Shelley says, "I'll mess it up tomorrow, won't I?" She thinks every one will be starring at her going down the aisle. She has to phone Charlie. Shelley says, "This is what he meant about being sure. About me choosing" Sunita is shocked to learn that Charlie made her choose between therapy or the wedding. Shelley says Charlie was right and he will know what to do. She gets his voice mail and leaves a message asking him to phone her back.

At a bar Charlie tells Jason they are here to get drunk. Jason notices that Charlie has bought two beers and three chasers and laughs, "I suppose two of them are for you?" Charlie smiles, "No, one for you, one for me, and this one's a 'real' chaser" He asks the barmaid, "Can you take that down to that woman over there, please?" The barmaid takes the drink over and the girl at the end of the bar raises the glass to Charlie.

Outside the Kabin, Norris says, "It'd continue the theme, you see. 'Kole' with a K. Or 'Kole's' or better still 'Kole's Kabin' spelt with two Ks" He then asks Rita what she thinks then comes up with 'The Kole Hole' Rita says, "Yeah I've got the gist. Only you see the trouble is Norris, I'm not dead yet" Rita tells Audrey she's created a monster, but Audrey is furious because of the photo. Les sees Sally at her window and teases her. Chesney tells Les he's getting Sophie chocolates. Les tells him to get Sally as well because you don't know what she would do for them. Chesney tells him that he said they could forget about what happened. Les is sorry. An angry Sophie comes out and tells Chesney that's she's not speaking to him because of that he's been saying about her mum, and he's not welcome back in her house. Chesney says, "I didn't tell no one. Only you – and you promised you wouldn't say owt" Les blames it on Sally. Chesney hurt tells Les that he does not want Sophie not speaking to him.

Upstairs in the Rovers and Sunita asks what time Charlie is home. She is told he's stopping out, as he does not want to jinks the wedding. Sunita tells Shelley is she's really worried about the wedding, "I think you'd be right to put the wedding off for a bit. For now" she then asks her to come down and have her hen night. Then if she does call the wedding off they can have an excuse for another one.

Rovers and Mike has thoroughly enjoyed himself at the fabric fair and enthuses to Jamie, "See, you get into a family business by your name, but you keep your place there by hard work and dedication" Danny snorts, "Well my name was Muggins and I got it by paying!" Candice arrives and asks, "Have you got Leanne's mobile number?" she says that she has just spent the last four hours traipsing round The Trafford Center trying to find Penny, Frankie and Leanne. Adam says he will get her a drink. Bev is still set on making Shelley see sense. Liz and Deirdre tell her she should just try to build on what she's got, "Just stay close to her and be there when she finally sees through him" Bev wails that that will take too long, "It'll be kids next and then he's in her life forever" Deirdre tells her, "Look, if we could think of one thing to say to her" Bev snaps, "It's got to be everything we know, all at once" Liz points out, "She knows everything already. We've nothing new to say" Violet looks rather guilty as she hears this. Sunita appears and tells them Shelley is coming down.

Back room of Rovers and Betty thinks her drink looks like a witches brew. Shelley joins them, "Am here to stay this time" Sunita tells Bev, "Just give Shelley some space. I think that's the best we can do tonight" Bev snaps, "What do you mean by that? What has she said?" but Sunita refuses to say any more, her only concern being stopping Bev from going off on one of her tirades against Charlie again and souring Shelley's evening.

Keith is looking through the Salon window and shouting for Audrey. She comes out and says she's cleaning. He says he bumped into Gail. She tells him to come in. Chesney is putting a card through the Webster's door and Les shouts, "Come away, Ches" He wishes he didn't play the ink trick on Sophie, then he would not of went upstairs and seen. Cilla shouts wanting to know what Sally that she doesn't. Les says nothing and she tells him to spread that about and marches off. Chesney sighs and also walks away.

Salon and Audrey confesses to Keith how much finding out about Alf and Rita as hurt her, "I've always had my favourite moments of Alf in my head, you know. When we was working in the Corner shop he hid my birthday present in a case of baked beans and I refused to stack the shelves so he had to confess that was where he's hidden it. And one where he put a knotted hankie on his head on a day trip to Rhyll, just to make me laugh. I'd play them in my head, you know, like little movies. I was playing them in my head just before you came in" She tells him sadly, "But somehow, Alf seemed 'harder' in them now, and I just couldn't get that warm feeling that I used to get. You never think the past can be taken away from you, do you? The future, yes, but not the past"

Back room of the Rovers and Liz says to Deirdre, "Come on, Deirdre. There must be something you've never done before" She is told to do a headstand. Sunita asks Violet, "Violet. Where's Charlie sleeping tonight?" She does not know but thinks a hotel. Sunita asks if she believes that then asks her to phone Jason. Violet replies, "Liz and Deirdre reckon we're best off not upsetting Shelley – that's good enough for me" She goes to get Betty another drink. Bev asks Sunita if there's something she should know.

Jason who's alone gets a call, it's the woman that Charlie gave a 'chaser' to earlier and Charlie is with her. "Hey, I've got a mate. She's got a thing about tool belts. I could give her a ring if you like" Charlie takes the phone from her and guffaws down it, "Ey up Jay lad! You're on a promise here!" Jason gets up from the table and walks towards the door telling Charlie, "Have a nice night Charlie" Charlie does not look at him and kisses the girl instead.

Leanne, Penny and Frankie come into the Rovers. Candice asks Leanne why she didn't answer her phone. Penny asks how the fair was. Mike says, "Yeah it was great. Look at us, the girls out shopping, the boys talking business. I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to buy you all a ... a whatsit... er...." Danny laughs, "A tie pin?" Jamie jokes, "No, a yacht?" Mike struggling, "No, no, ..." Frankie giggles, "A big house in Cheshire with a pool?" Penny asks if he's okay. Mike says, "Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean... a whatsit!... In a glass!" Danny suggests brain only to be told they don't come in glasses. He laughs that they do if they are pickled and Jamie jokes, "You'll be pickled if you drink any more" Mike suddenly remembering, "Drink! That's it! Drink. For goodness sake, I'm going to buy you all a drink" Danny saying no as he wants to get something to eat and tells Frankie if they hurry they should still be able to catch the pizza place. Mike cries, "Tell you what, why don't we 'all' catch the pizza place? It's on me!" Jamie asks, "Uncle Mike, do you think I can exchange my pizza for the yacht?" Penny doesn't join in with the laughter but looks puzzled. Gail, Audrey and Keith enter. Fred says Audrey looks peaky and she should take her self through the back. He then asks if it's just him or if marriage used to be a celebration. Audrey says, "I won't be a sec, actually" Fred asks if it's him.

Back to the back room of the Rovers Deirdre tries to do her headstand. Violet tells Bev and Sunita something Jason told her, "You know that punch Charlie took, the one Dev got the blame for" Deirdre says her head is spinning and comes up from doing her headstand and says, "I've done a head spin. That'll have to do" Violet continues, "It was some woman's husband. Jason told me. He'd been messing about with her" Shelley says it's her party and she's going last, so its her mum's turn. Shelley goes to get another bottle. Bev warns Violet if something happens to Shelley and she doesn't say any thing. In the bar Rita enters and speaks to Audrey about the picture. She wants to see it so she cant explain when it was took. Audrey cries saying she knows. Rita says she said hurtful things and there was never any thing going on between her and Alf. Audrey places the photo on the table and says as far as she's concerned, she's as dead as Alf is. She then walks off.

Back room again and Shelley makes a speech. She tells them, "It's not like something I haven't done before but it's something that I should maybe have done more often. I want to apologies. A lot's been said these past few months, by me and to me. I must be getting better, mustn't I, making a speech? I'm sorry for those I've hurt and I forgive those who's hurt me. It sounds like a prayer, doesn't it?" Liz says, "Amen" Shelley tells Bev it's her turn and goes to sit down. Bev says, "Well, there 'is' a new experience I'd like to try. I'd like 'you' to listen! We're here because we love you and each one of us believes with all our heart that you are making a huge mistake" The other guests look mortified. Shelley cries, "Not this. You just can't be happy for me, can you? You are so jealous" Bev snaps, "He tried it with Liz, he tried it on with me... Violet, tell her what you know!" Violet says He kissed her and it was just before she went in to have her eyes done. Shelley hisses at her, "You would say anything. You're all as bad as each other, and you are lying!" Violet cries, "And risk losing Jason, and my job?" Shelley angrily, "Well thank you. 'All' of you. I thought I wasn't going to be well enough for tomorrow but right now I'd walk through a packed shopping center to get to that church!" Bev tells her they love her. Shelley replies, "Then come to my wedding, because am marring Charlie and no one is going to stop me" Bev says, "Oh, no"

Amanda Souter

Second part of tonight

Rover's bedroom and Shelley awakens alone.

Charlie awakens with the girl. She says, "If you're not going to go through with this don't blame it on me. Last fling I can live with. Jilted bride is something else" He tells her, "Don't worry, it's got nothing to do with you" She tells him, "Look, if you can be here with me on your wedding day, maybe you 'shouldn't' be going through with it" Charlie sighs, "You must be joking. It would kill her. She couldn't manage without me"

At the Grimshaw's Violet knows Charlie went off with someone. Jason says, "Come on, you know how it is. What happens on the stag night stays on the stag night. It was his last night of freedom after all" Violet snorts, "You don't actually believe that do you? Would you do that on yours?" Jason tells her, "No that's why I was home early. He tried to get me off with her mate but I wouldn't go near another women after being with you"

Over at the Platt's and Gail hears snorting out in the garden. Porky has escape into her garden. Gail asks Scooter to get the pig. Scooter tells her he isn't allowed to go near pigs because of his religious beliefs. Gail says, "I've seen you eat many a pork sausage in this house Scooter!" He replies feebly, "Er, well.... I'm not a fanatic" Sarah comes down to get the door. It's Martin with four free tickets for the Weatherfield County vs. Scarsdale F.C. grudge match that afternoon. Sarah tells him David won't go and has gone to his mates but she and Scooter will be there. Gail tells him that next door's pig is in her garden again and asks if he'll help her catch it. Martin exclaims, "Next door's pig?" Scooter laughs, "Yeah, it'll give you some exercise for this afternoon when you go up against the Scarsdale Fox!" and explains how last time the teams met, the Scarsdale mascot plucked a tail feather from Bernard, the County Cockerel. "Bernard retaliated and the ref sent 'em both off!"

Back garden and Keith is jumping over the fence to get his pig, when Gail just comes out and shouts at Keith for yet again allowing Porky to get into her garden. The pig is in Bethany's sand pit. Keith says, "A nose ring should stop the digging and...." Martin tells him, "You can't keep a pig in the back garden. It's not a farm. What are you going to do when it's fully-grown?" Keith tells him, "Ah, you see, it won't grow beyond Christmas, if you get my meaning. And Gail, you'll be welcome to the prime cuts, free of charge..." but no offers of prime Porky produces are going to placate Gail as she rages, "You can keep your meat. Just get your pig out of my garden!"

At the Kabin and Norris asks Rita if she is sure she was never in Black pool at the same time as Alf, even innocently, but she tells him she is quite sure. Norris replies, "Well there must be some explanation" Rita looks closely at the photo and replies, "Yes, and I think I know what! And if it's what I 'think' it is, Audrey Roberts is in for it next time I see her!"

Back room of the Rovers and Zack has arrived with a card for Shelley and asks Betty to leave them alone for a moment. He asks if it was her decision to end their sessions. Shelley lies that it was, "I don't need them any more" Zack not believing her says, "I'm glad you've made so much progress so quickly. Most people don't" She tells him she's not like most people. As he goes to leave he tells her to call him if she decides she wants to resume the sessions. Shelley snaps, "You don't believe I can do this, do you? Walk down that aisle?" He tells her she is in control and can do anything she wants to do. She replies defiantly, "I will. Today I will do what I have to do!"

Grimshaw's household and Jason is beginning to panic, "Charlie's not answering his mobile. I don't know where he is or what he is doing!" Violet says, "At least you know 'who' he's doing" Jason tells her he is just going to have to hope he turns up at the church.

In the Kabin Kirk is convinced that he has again spotted Jimmy Saville jogging on the Red Rec. Fiz tells him it can't possibly have been the track-suited cigar-waving jewelry-rattling one but Kirk is convinced and has snapped him on his camera. "When I get the photos printed up you'll be able to see it's him, then I'm going to sell them to one of those magazines that Candice is reading" Candice's tells him, "So, you think you are going to be a paparazzi" Kirk replies, "Why not? I only got me camera this morning and I've already got Jimmy Saville!" She warns him, "Well I'm telling you now, don't you be taking photos of me...." Kirk replies innocently, "I wasn't going to" but she continues, "cos I will stick that camera where the sun doesn't shine!" Kirk tells her he wasn't planning on taking any. She says, "My image rights are very important to me. Just because I used to go out with a footballer doesn't mean you can take photos of me" Fiz points out that he had no intention of doing so and Candice huffs, "Huh, you'd get more for one of me than you would Jimmy Saville!" Keith walks in and Rita asks him to ask Audrey to pop in. Keith rather awkwardly tells her, "Audrey won't be using your establishment any more. She's asked me to pay her paper bill" Rita asks if she is going to the wedding. Keith replies, "She might be" Rita replies, "Then I'll see her there. I've one or two things I want to say to her"

Rovers and Fred tells Betty he has got a bad feeling about today, "I've had Jason on the phone. He's lost the groom. If that Charlie Stubbs doesn't turn up, after the fiasco of her first wedding, it'll be Miss Havisham in Great Expectations all over again. If he leaves her standing at the altar, that cake will be covered in cobwebs by Christmas" Shelley walks into the bar. Fred tells her she looks a sight for sore eyes. Keen not to have her arrive and find Charlie not there, he tells her they can afford to give themselves a bit of time before leaving. Shelley looks worried, "I don't want to keep him waiting. Take me to the car, eh Fred?" They leave the pub together. There is no one to see her off. Fred does his very best to make her feel like a princess and takes her hand as they pull away to the church. Fred senses Shelley's mood and tells her, "It's normal to be nervous, love" Shelley replies, "Not this nervous. He 'will' be there, won't he?' Fred replies, "Him? Of course he will"

At the church guests arrive. Jason is at the entrance desperately trying to get hold of Shelley. Always one to look on the bright side, Blanche opines, "A bigamist and then a no show. That'd do wonders for your confidence, wouldn't it?" Bev thinks she should call Shelley. Deirdre warns her that if Charlie is just running late she could make matters worse. Fiz and Kirk are still arguing over the picture he's taken. Kirk tells her, "Just imagine him with a cigar!" Fiz tells him, "It's not Jimmy Saville, Kirk. It's the woman who runs the pound shop in the precinct" Kirk spots the photographer and snorts triumphantly, "Right, let's go ask an expert" Fiz asks, "Here mate, sorry to bother you but who do you think that is?" The photographer looks at the picture on the camera and says, "Looks like the woman who runs the pound shop in the precinct" Candice stops the photographer and poses, "How do you want me?" He asks her if she related to the bride or a relative. She simpers, "Customer of the bride" He mutters, "I'll catch you later then" She fumes, "Hello? Do you not know who I am? I used to go out with Warren Baldwin!" The photographer asks, "Who's he?"

At the Rovers Martin offers the two remaining tickets to Ashley and Nathan. Ashley says, "County versus Scarsdale? No thanks" Martin tells him, "Hey, it's a big grudge match this one mate. Last year even the mascots were fighting!" Nathan tells him, "I think I read something about that in today's Gazette" He looks at the paper. He reads, "Yesterday the Scarsdale fox issued a challenge to his fiercest rival, Bernard the Weatherfield County Cockerel. 'I eat poultry for breakfast!' said the fox, whose identity remains a closely guarded secret, 'I know the cockerel is running scared but can he run fast enough?" Martin fumes that it's not funny, "That could incite the crows to violence the things he's saying" Ashley laughs, "Why? Are you chicken?" Nathan says, "He's only challenging you to a race. It says here that you should settle your differences with a race. Full length of the pitch and may the best mascot win" Ashley says, "This match might be worth going to after all. What time did you say kick off was?"

Back at the Church everyone is waiting for Charlie. The door opens at the back of the church. Bev was hopping it was Shelley, so she could say Charlie has not turned up. It's Charlie and he walks down the aisle. He looks straight at her then he walks past to where Jason is sitting waiting. Jason says, "Where the hell have you been?" Charlie replies, "Never mind where I've been. Where am I going? That's the question" Outside, Rita and Norris speak to the photographer as he looks at the photo. Rita exclaims, "I thought so. Wait till I see that Audrey Roberts!" The car pulls up outside the church but Shelley seems to hesitate as the door is held open for her. Fred asks the chauffeur to give them a minute. Fred tells her gently, "If this doesn't feel right..... this is the last chance you've got to change your mind" She says, "You don't think I should marry him either, do you?" Fred asks her, "Do you love him?" Shelley nods and he replies, "If you love him, and you are sure you want to marry him, then I'll be with you every step of the way" She tells him, "I can do this. I can do this. I don't care what anyone else says, I can do this. God, I hope he's turned up" Inside, Rita tells Audrey to look at the photo, but she refuses to look at it. Rita passes it to Keith, "Me and Alf on the beach at Blackpool. That long line behind us, what would you say it is Keith?" Keith looks at the photo and muses, "The pier?" Rita replies, "My sideboard! Now, I might be a lot of things Audrey but I do 'not' take my sideboard to the seaside with me" Norris says, "It's a double exposure. Alf must have forgotten to wind the film on" Audrey looks suitably ashamed as Rita tells her in no uncertain manner, "You said a lot of very hurtful things to me yesterday Audrey. I can't say I'm worried about you thinking ill of me, but that you could think that of such a devoted husband as Alf? Words fail me!" Shelley walks down the aisle, her groom awaits her. Bev looks anguished as her daughter passes by and any hope of her stopping the wedding are gone. Charlie greets her at the altar and smiles, "You made it then?" She whispers, "Thank you for being here"

At County's ground, Sarah and Scooter sit in the stands while the teams warm up. They are soon joined by Nathan and Ashley. Nathan asks, "We haven't missed anything then?" Scooter replies, "Does it look like they've kicked off?" Nathan laughs, "We're not talking about the football. We're talking about the mascots" Sarah cries, "You haven't just come to laugh at Martin, have you?" Ashley says, "Yes" Bernard emerges from the tunnel the tumultuous applause of the County fans. He struts along the touchline, playing to the crowd and enjoying every bit of the attention but unseen by him the Scarsdale Fox runs onto the pitch and races towards him, and knocks him to the ground. As Nathan and Ashley laugh uproariously, the Scarsdale Fox raises his hands triumphantly to the cheering crows as Bernard rolls around dazed on the floor.

Back to the church. The vicar tells the congregation, "I am required to ask if anyone knows of any lawful or just reasons why these person here present should not marry to declare it now". Bev tearful holds back from saying anything. The vicar tells the bride and groom, "You are to be married in the sight of God, who is the judge of all and knows all the secrets of our hearts. So if either of you know of any reason why you should not be married, please make them known now" Charlie leans over to Shelley and whispers, "Not this time" She smiles weakly back. The vicar says, "Charles, will you take Shelley to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?" Charlie takes a deep breath and replies, "I will" The vicar then says, "Shelley, will you take Charles to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and protect him, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?" Shelley breading heavily seems to be in turmoil, tears streaming down her face. After a slight pause she says, "No" Charlie's head snaps round in astonishment, unable to take in what he has just heard. The vicar seems as stunned as Charlie is and, sure he must have misheard, says, "I'm sorry?" Bev looks shocked and relieved. She looks Shelley. The congregation seems in shock. Shelley finally able to continue says "No… I'm sorry... I won't!"

Amanda Souter





Wednesday 21 September, Episode 6119

Written by: John Fay
Directed by: David Kester

First she was afraid, she was petrified... Thinking she could never live without Charlie by her side...Then she spent so many nights thinking how he did her wrong, and she grew strong, and she learned how to get along...

It's high noon at the altar. 'I can't do it,' Shelley says, tears rolling down her cheeks. Behind her, her mother is also crying and willing her not to change her mind. 'She's been having a few problems,' Charlie says to the vicar. 'Yes, I have been having problems,' Shelley says, 'And I blamed myself, I always blamed myself, but it's you, Charlie,' she turns to him, 'It's being with you!' Bev is crying with relief and happiness that Shelley's finally seen the light. Shelley tells Charlie that people have been telling her that he's no good for her and he goes with other women, but she kept denying it because she was so scared of losing him. 'But you do go with other women! I've seen it with me own eyes!' (Violet looks a bit tense at this point). 'You made me feel inferior!' Shelley sobs. 'I can't trust you. I can't marry you.' Bev is applauding and cheering. Shelley runs off down the aisle, pursued by Charlie. Bev tries to stop him but he shoves her roughly aside and she falls. Sunita and Danny pick her up and the three of them run off in pursuit of Charlie. 'Do you think they wrote their own vows?' Blanche asks Deirdre.

Shelley runs to the bridal car and yells at the driver to take her home, but before the driver can get in the car, Charlie slams him against a wall and tells him to leave them alone, then he gets behind the wheel himself. He drives off at high speed, with Shelley in the back, even though the car is surrounded by Shelley's mother and friends all begging him to stop.

Inside the church, Norris is wittering to Rita about plans he has for the Kabin. She firmly reminds him that he's the junior partner. Kirk is wondering where Les and Cilla are: 'They swore blind they'd be here because they don't want to give anyone an excuse not to come to their wedding.'

Charlie is driving the vintage wedding car faster than it was designed for. 'If ever a woman deserved a good kicking, it's now and it's you,' he says through clenched teeth. Shelley screams but he turns the radio up loud. The car turns off the road onto some barren land next to an old factory or mill. He stops the car and sits breathing heavily, clutching at the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are white. He gets out of the car, stands breathing heavily for a moment, then opens the back door, gets in the car and grabs Shelley. 'Did you set out to humiliate me in the worst, most public way you could think of?' he says, pointing out that if she didn't want to marry him there were plenty of opportunities to say so before they got to the church. 'Why wait till we were at the altar?' he shouts.
'I had to,' she says, frightened but finally trying to be brave and sticking up for herself, 'I had to prove to myself that I wasn't just bottling out, that I'd hit my final target.'
'WHAT TARGET?' he screams. 'My back? You hit that alright. Bullseye! You stuck the knife right in.'
'It wasn't about hurting you,' she says defiantly. He sits back in the seat more calmly and asks her if it was a spur of the moment thing. She says, 'I didn't know if I was going to get there, but I did, and I didn't know if I was brave enough to say no. I could have said yes. But then I heard the actual words, and I knew they'd meant nothing to Peter, and they meant nothing to you. So I did it. I said no.'
'You'll regret it tomorrow,' he says, 'You'll come crawling back on your hands and knees begging me to forgive you.'
'No I won't,' she says calmly.
'You're mentally ill,' he says. 'You know you're not right in the head.'
'I do know that,' she nods. 'I know I need help, and I know Zack was giving me that help – '
'And who got him? Who paid for him?'
'And who made me stop seeing him?
'You made it down the aisle, didn't you?' he says, angry again. 'You'd hit your target, he'd done his job. I was right all along!'
'YOU WERE IN CONTROL ALL ALONG! YOU WERE ALWAYS IN CONTROL!' she yells, and he cackles villainously. 'What are you talking about, you daft bitch?'
'I did my own hair this morning,' she says, 'I did my own nails, I did my own makeup. I was all on my own, because I haven't got any mates any more. I haven't got any family. And that's because of you!' He tries to say it was her decision, and that now all the people trying to poison her against him have succeeded, but she's finally beyond listening to his rubbish.
'I've had two weddings now,' she says, 'Twice down the aisle, never actually got married. But I don't care – I just want to get back to being the woman I was before I met either of you. Because that woman was okay. So I don't need Peter – and I don't need you. Goodbye, Charlie.'
She gets out of the car, and walks, ghostly in white wedding dress and veil, away from the car.

Now a bit of light relief at the Weatherfield County football ground, as the Weatherfield cockerel (aka Martin Platt) is racing the opposition's mascot fox. The fox tips the cockerel over, too boos from the crowd.

The wedding cake is on the bar at the Rovers, all ready for the wedding reception. Bev, Sunita, Fred and Dev rush in. Betty asks them how the wedding went, and Fred sums it up: 'She jilted him. He drove off wi' her in t'wedding car.' Betty can't believe that Shelley jilted Charlie. Bev says, 'She finally came to her senses, Betty, but now he's got her somewhere, and God knows what he's doing to her.' She's crying and shaking. Dev, who's already snacking on party nibbles, says they're probably just talking it through somewhere. Fred's mobile rings. It's Jason, who says that Charlie has brought the wedding car back to the church, but Shelley wasn't with him. 'Where the hell is she?' Bev shrieks.

She's in a phone box, actually. Honestly, she is. A phone box in a busy high street, and she's ringing Zack. 'It's Shelley Unwin here,' she says, and tells him that, despite wanting to faint, she made it to the church and down the aisle. 'Well, congratulations to you and your husband,' he says. 'No, Zack, you're not listening, I said it's Shelley *Unwin* you're talking to.' She tells him what happened, and we can see Zack looking really proud of her: 'I think it's the most fantastic, the bravest, thing I've ever heard,' he says. While he's praising her, we can see behind the phone box a policeman has spotted Shelley and is talking into his radio. Shelley tells Zack she'd like to keep going with her therapy sessions with him.

Charlie is in the Weatherfield Arms with Jason. Charlie is blaming Zack for poisoning Shelley. Jason reckons that it's Shelley's loss: 'She is a nut case and you're better off out of it.' Charlie says, 'My dad always said never let a woman get too close to you. If you let your guard down, she'll rip your heart out.' He says that's what happened to his father, and if it hadn't been for Charlie and his brother who was 8 at the time, his father wouldn't have survived (presumably this is meant to explain his subsequent behaviour with women). He tells Jason to go home, because he wants to be on his own.

At the Rovers, Bev is cheered by the news Fred receives that a policeman has seen Shelley in a phone box in t'precinct, fit and well, but is concerned to hear that the policeman isn't bringing her home but just left her there. Fred says, 'It's what she wanted, apparently.'

We see Shelley walking down the high street. An old woman gives her a funny look, and Shelley says, 'I jilted him. I can do better!' She's got the old twinkle back in her eyes that we haven't seen for so many months (proving, imo, that Sally Lindsay is a far better actress than she gets credit for).

The church is now empty, except for Les and Cilla, who've arrived after everyone else has gone and can't work out why no-one else is there.

The reason they were so late is explained in the next scene, in which we learn that Chesney made a slight alteration to their invitation, changing 1pm to 4pm. Sophie is telling Chesney that she overheard people talking about the wedding. 'You know the part where they say "I do"? Well Shelley said "I don't." There was murder, apparently.' Les and Cilla arrive home, angry because no-one turned up, not even the vicar. They say they definitely won't be inviting Charlie and Shelley to their wedding. Chesney tells them that the wedding was at 1pm, because he saw everyone coming back. 'It went without a hitch, they reckon,' he says, and tells them to hurry up to the Rovers to wish the happy couple all the best. After they've gone, Chesney says that this is only the start of his campaign of revenge against Les for telling everyone about him seeing Sally in the nude.

The cockerel (now in plain clothes) and his mates and Sarah, have arrived in the Rovers, where various wedding guests are also mingling. Martin tells Betty that he did an interview with the Gazette after the game, challenging the fox to a rematch. Les and Cilla come in, pretending that they were actually at the wedding (they want to make sure they get wedding presents from Charlie and Shelley when it's their turn). Cilla says to Bev, 'Lovely service, I thought.' 'Oh, aye,' says Les, 'Charlie's a very lucky man.' Violet tells them that Charlie and Shelley didn't get married. Fred explains: 'They got as far as th'altar, then she said she didn't want to marry him.' 'The acoustics were very bad,' Cilla says.

Back at the Weatherfield Arms, the woman Charlie spent the previous night with turns up. She assumes that Charlie jilted Shelley, and says the poor cow must be devastated. He says it was the poor cow who stood him up. She says if he buys her a drink they can talk about it. 'You were a one night stand, and that's all you'll ever be,' he says. 'So go away, you slut.' 'She's had a lucky escape, that girl of yours,' she says, and leaves.

The bride is just rounding the corner of Roy's Rolls, finally taking her veil off. She stands over the road from the Rovers, staring at the door. Bev comes out and sees her, and runs over to her, smiling and sobbing. They hug. 'Where've you been?' Bev says. 'I don't know,' Shelley says, through her tears, 'But I'm here now.' Bev asks her if she wants to go the back way to avoid all the people in the pub, but Shelley says she wants to get it over with. Even so, it's very difficult for her to go in, but she manages it. Inside, the pub falls silent when she appears. Bev says, 'She's back, everyone. Shelley's back.' Everyone applauds. 'Right,' says Shelley, 'I'm going to cut that cake.' She cuts a piece and pops it into her mouth. 'That's bloody gorgeous!' she says.

Sue Haasler





Friday 23 September, Episode 6120, 6121

Terrified that those danged Canadians might catch up, ITV once again schedules two episodes for a Friday night, heedless of the added stress on your updaters (sob!). Despite the unseemly rush, there are some gems in this week's scripts, including the chance to use the words "poetic justice" and "Status Quo" in the same sentence!

We open in what looks like the pantry at the Rovers, where Fred is scrabbling wedding-cake crumbs into his gob before going through and asking Shelley if she's all right. She is. Bev arrives and asks similar questions. Shelley reveals she'd like Bev to move back into the pub and Fred has agreed. Shelley has still heard nothing from Charlie.

Jason is off to work and wonders if he'll still have a job. Maybe Charlie has plans to move on. Violet wonders whether Charlie might have killed himself, but Eileen thinks he's more likely to be the type to have killed Shelley.

Charlie's at the bakery, though Diggory thinks he's a bit over-dressed for it. Charlie says he's dressed for a wedding and if Diggory waits, he's sure his other customers will tell him about it.

Charlie meets Jason in the street and reveals he slept at the yard. Jason asks what's he's going to do, but it seems Charlie is still pondering that.

Bev is telling Betty that Shelley's gone for a lie down because she's still not what she should be. "Brainwashed. That's the only word for it." She suspects Charlie will have to come back, if only for his belongings. Shelley comes back in -- she can't sleep. Bev warns Violet that Shelley mustn't talk to Charlie without anyone else present. Violet is worried that Shelley might want her to leave because she let Charlie kiss her. "It doesn't matter," Shelley assures her. "He's a very hard man to say 'no' to -- I know that more than anyone."

Jason has taken Charlie back home for a shower. Eileen asks if he knows what he's going to do. He doesn't know where he's going to live, but he plans to carry on with his business. "You must be furious," Eileen suggests. Charlie says it let everyone see what he'd been having to cope with. "Ask yourself -- was that the actions of someone in her right mind? And I've been putting up with that for months."

Bev is leaving the Weatherfield Arms and Liz doesn't blame her. Lawrence, the boss, turns out to be an escapee from a very old Crossroads episode, circa 1982, I'd say, judging from his clothing and manner. He takes exception to Bev leaving immediately. "Can we just clarify that I, for my sins, do own this establishment?" he asks Liz. He says he employs her to run it, not to let the staff walk all over her. She plans to ring someone called Luke and see if he can help out till she finds someone to replace Bev. "No, no, no," says Lawrence. "I'm not having him. He's useless. No. You're the one lets the staff walk out. You're the one who can manager on 'er own."

Audrey can't understand why Gail would let someone ask her about Richard Hillman. She says she's doing it because Phil asked her to, but also so she can see whether she can. As they chat outside Gail's door, Gail agrees not to say a work to Eileen about Phil coming round. Their conversation is interrupted by a jogging rooster. Martin is in training. Audrey reveals that he's in the paper challenging the Scarsdale Fox to a re-match. (It seems to me that if you go jogging in a chicken suit, it must get awfully sweaty in there, and it's not exactly easy to wash or dry clean . . .). Martin clucks off and Phil pauses to say to Gail that he'll be around about quarter past one. Eileen steps outside the shop just in time to hear him say: "and then we'll have all afternoon."

At the yard, Charlie tells Jason Shelley is mad and was always going to do something crazy. "Why did I expect anything else?" He says that her next move will be to change her mind back again, "even if I have to give her a bit of encouragement." Charlie sees Bev come out of her flat, but says she hasn't won this one yet. "There's extra time and penalties," he tells Jason. A large fox wearing a football shirt walks past them. "There's a lot more mad people about than you realise."

The fox turns the corner into Coronation Street and as the town clock strikes the hour (they'll have to put the clock chimes in all the time, now they've introduced it as a sort of High Noon motif) the chicken and the fox face off, lacking only gunbelts and tumbleweed.

Sarah rushes in and gets Gail to come outside to stop the mascot mayhem. The fox is swinging at the chicken but not doing much damage. Martin takes the head off and demands that the fox also get out of costume so they can settle things properly. The fox takes off its head, which turns out to be Her Head. Nathan, who is watching with Tyrone, seems quite taken with the young woman. But it's she and Martin who exchange Meaningful Glances.

Diggory's gone all the way to the Weatherfield Arms for his lunchtime drink. He comments on how short-staff they are and Liz tells him Lawrence won't let her bring anyone else in. "Leave him and come and work for me," Diggory says. He's serious. Liz thinks he's got more in mind that just selling pastries. As she goes to the till with his money, Lawrence, leaning nearby, asks if she thinks she'd sell more ale if she did less flirting. "Do you think you could run this place by yourself?" she counters. "Cause that's what you'll be doing if you say one more word."

Shelley is resting downstairs when Bev and Fred come in. Fred is willing to find Charlie and arrange for all his stuff to be taken away, so Shelley won't have to talk to Charlie. But Shelley says she's not scared of Charlie. "If he wants to come and speak to me, I think he's got a right." She's not hiding, because that's what Charlie made her do.

In the bar, the Foxy lady and Martin are making friends. Bev and Fred come through, talking about Shelley. Tyrone is telling Nathan all about it. Ty is worried that Maria might run out on him at the altar.

At the Weatherfield Arms, Liz is telling Lawrence she's just as entitled to go to the loo as anyone else. He thinks she lost that right when she let Bev walk out. "There's customers want serving," he tells her. "RIGHT!!" she screams, flinging down the glass cloth. "You do it then!" She announces she's leaving and tells the customers it's her last day. "And don't bother buying me a present because I won't be coming back for it!" Diggory says he's walking out with her as a sign of solidarity. "Well, you'll have to wait a minute, 'cause I'm going to the loo," she says, running off.

Charlie thinks it's time he had a word with Shelley and insists Jason go with him.

In the bar, the fox and the chicken are talking about forming a union. They check out each other's marital status and agree to go out for the first meeting of the union. Charlie comes in and says he wants to talk to Shelley. He tells Fred he's there because he's concerned about Shelley.

Shelley agrees to see him but wants to see him on her own.

Liz and Diggory walk along the street and he says he was serious about the job in his shop. They agree that it's only until she can find another bar job. Phil walks past on his way to Gail's.

Three blokes, including one in a neckbrace, walk into a bar. Yep, not only is the start of a bad joke, it's Status Quo! As they order drinks from Betty and ask about the Hotpot, Fred recognises them and hisses at Bev, but she's too busy eavesdropping at the door to Shelley's living room to pay him any attention.

Inside, Charlie is being very sympathetic about the wedding being all too much for Shelley. He plans to move right back in and carry on as they were. "And is that it?" she asks, in a very smooth, even tone. "Pretty much," he says. "Except I hope you realise I've set myself up for a lot of flak by coming here. I'm already the fella you made a fool of and now I'm making a fool of myself by coming here, but I reckon what we've got is worth it." At the door, Bev mutters "No, no, no." But Shelley is prepared. She says she doesn't forgive Charlie. "For what?" he asks, surprised. "For humiliating me," she says. "Not just once, but time and time again until I was so scared of doing or saying anything because it was always wrong, so all I could do was hide away and have my face cut open and think I were going mad. So no is the answer. No you will not be stopping here and no, we will not carry on as we were before." Very controlled and menacing, Charlie walks past her, shoving his face into hers and saying "You stupid cow." "That's more like it!" she cries, drawing herself up taller. He can't cope with her being strong and whips the door open, almost bowling Bev. She rushes in and hugs her daughter."

End of Episode One. Stand By.

We return to the Rovers, where Status Quo, Francis Rossi, Rick Parfitt and the other one, the drummer, are enjoying their drink. Eileen is telling Violet about seeing Phil on his way to Gail's. "You dare to hope and then life just twists you into an armlock and smacks you in the eye," she says. As she goes, Violet gets out her mobile phone and calls Sean. Sunita arrives to see Shelley. Jack Duckworth comes in and makes eye contact with Rick Parfitt, who nods hello. Violet can't answer his query about who these blokes are. "I dunno. Just look like a bunch of me dad's loser mates who spend all day down the pub," she says.

Gail is pouring some wine and Sarah is fussing over leaving her. Phil assures her that Gail can stop whenever she likes. Gail shoos her off with the words: "I thought you'd be glad of a night out." So it's not just the whole afternoon Phil and Gail have to themselves, then? Or have the scriptwriters just forgotten that it's just gone quarter past one? Phil, sporting the world's worst beard, asks if Gail is sure and she tells him to get started before she can chicken out.

Sunita is telling Shelley how proud she is. "I think you saved your own life," she says. Shelley says she can't wait to do normal stuff again, and is tickled pink that Sunita wants her to help when the twins come. She says she wanted to be in love more than anything and lost sight of other things. She apologises to Sunita. Sunita assures her that there's the perfect man out there for Shelley.

"Good looking. Solvent. No drink problem. No kids. Not stalking his ex." Yes, it's Gail's description of the perfect man that was Richard Hillman. "He was fault free. I'm the victim of a crime. You said that. You make it sound like having my stereo pinched. He broke my heart. Why couldn't I see him for what he was?" She tells Phil she had no idea what Richard had been up to. "I was stupid and I'm guilty."

The roadie comes to the bar and Jack asks him about the familiar-looking blokes. The roadie says they're Status Quo and "I li-li-li-like it" sounds a bit of a familiar tune -- or at least it would be if he could sing! All becomes clear to Jack. The roadie has no idea what they're doing there when they're due on stage in less than an hour. Being a roadie is a total dog's life, he says. "Constant earbending. If it's not Parfitt moaning about his bony knees knocking in the night, it's Rossi whinging about his cricked Gregory." Jack thinks the man's neck must be bad if he has to wear a collar. "Not badly enough, mate," grumbles the roadie. "That's why we're in here. He needs a brandy for the pain. Sends me off me noddie. Tell you what, one more pay cheque, I've got enough for a little news agents in Farnborough. I'll never drop another speaker on me foot again."

Sean arrives at the taxi office with a bottle of wine, "on a mission of mercy". She points out that drinking in the workplace is frowned upon and can lead to disciplinary action. "It's not my derriere on the line," he points out. "I'll talk me way out of it," Eileen decides. "Pull up a dirty chair and prise that lid off."

The roadie telling Jack about the incident 20 years ago at the Doncaster Alhambra, when Francis Rossi was pulled off the stage by a so-called fan, an idiot trying to souvenir his wrist band. "Bang. Well, he gets back up on stage and finishes the gig but afterwards it's straight into A& E -- permanent whiplash." Jack mutters: "Poor fella." "Poor fella my 'arris. 'E never shuts up about it! Talk about bitter and twisted. He takes the limit. He won't let it go. Intent on violent revenge. 'E scans the crowd every gig we do, looking for the geezer what done it. A face indelibly imprinted on the memory. If 'e ever sees that fella again, I think 'e'd murder the ginger berk." (so-called fan, idiot, ginger berk . . . Does this sound like an identi-kit picture of anyone we know?). Rick Parfitt flicks his fingers and the roadie tells Jack he's got to go and take RP to the karsie. "Guard him against photographers, you know, mobile phone age, click, click." Jason comes into the Rovers and says to Violet: "Wasn't that the bloke from Status Quo?" She sighs and tells him the correct response is to pretend not to recognise them. "It only encourages them."

Violet takes him through to the back and he tells Shelley and Bev that Charlie's gone. The van's gone and his mobile's off.

Gail feels guilty because people died, for money. She says he changed her view of herself. "I thought I was a good daughter, but I trusted Richard more than my own mother. I thought I was a good mother. But I nearly had my entire family wiped out for my love life. It's very hard to forgive that." She rushes upstairs.

In the street, Chesney is posing by a very flash van while Kirk takes him picture on a digital camera. "Are you pointing it the right way or are you getting another one of your ear?" Ches asks. Jack stops him to ask where Les is. He tells him Status Quo is in the Rovers, but Chesney won't believe him. "He's trying to get me back for making a spanner of him." Jack tells him to look for himself.

And that's what he does. He goes into the Rovers and says "Francis Rossi!" "Yer right, mate?" Rossi says. "And the other one," Chesney says. "Rick," says Parfitt, putting out a hand to shake. Chesney ignores it and rushes from the room. "That's class, innit, eh?" says Rossi.

Gail comes back into the room and tells Phil she wants to carry on. "When Richard told me what he'd done, for a split second I didn't think 'What has he done? Who is this evil, terrible man?' I thought about me and our perfect life. I thought I had to help him. There must be a way out. Then it all crashed in on me. I didn't know him at all. I'd married a monster. Like a bad headline in a woman's weekly. But, for that moment, I was as bad as him. I was a murderer." Phil, ignoring all the research rules, turns off the tape recorder to reassure her. But she says that's why she and Richard got on, because he could see that she was as bad as him.

Ches rushes into the taxi office saying he has to speak to Les. It's an emergency. A good emergency. He presses the button on the mike and says, "Uncle Les, Uncle Les, it's Chesney. Can you hear me? Over." Eileen turns to Sean. "You know, it took Les years to master that." Chesney tells him "Status Quo are in the Rovers. Overs. I mean over." Les isn't falling for another practical joke. He tells Chesney that even though he's at home, 20 yards from the pub, he's so sure Chesney is lying that he's not even going in to check. In fact, Les is parked just behind the Quo's van. He grabs his paper and goes inside.

Phil is telling Gail that she's a damaged victim who did nothing wrong. "It's the first time I've ever talked about it," she says. He suggests she see someone, but she won't trust anyone else not to talk to the press. Phil says a psychiatrist wouldn't do that. "My capacity for trust has been severely strained," she says.

Les is sitting, feet up, reading the Gazette and listening to the Quo. Chesney rushes in, urging him to go to the Rovers. "You are not making a mug out of me any more," Les tells him. "It's the Quo," Chesney insists. "I were sat next to 'em as close as this. Francis Rossi and. . . the one with the girl's hair, are in the pub." Les turns up the sound to drown out the voice. "You dufus!" Chesney says, grabbing Les's jacket and legging it.

Eileen and Sean have finished the bottle. She says it's not losing Phil, but losing him to Gail that sticks in the craw. Sean says he believes Phil really prefers Eileen.

"Yeah, yeah, quick like!" Chesney is telling the Quo as they autograph Les's jacket. Parfitt signs, then Rossi, and the third bloke takes the pen and leans forward. "Who are you?" demands Chesney. "I'm the drummer," he says. "You what? Drummer? Get lost!" He grabs the jacket and hares back to Les, who doesn't appreciate it.

"You've ruined it!" Les says. "It's obvious you've done it. There's two Ts in Parfitt." He insists he won't fall for Chesney's tricks, especially the cruel one of pretending his heroes are in the pub. Chesney slumps into a chair. "People have seen 'em. And when they tell you you've missed 'em, you're going to feel really, really mean." The door burst open and Cilla rushes in. "You'll never guess who I've just seen!" Les takes one look at her, one look at Chesney, grabs a pile of vinyl albums and rushes out.

He's just in time to see them getting into the van. He runs alongside, banging on the panels and shouting "Stop. You're my heroes! Don't go!" In a very nice touch, we hear that they're playing their own music on the van's sound system!

Outside the house, Cilla is berating Chesney for not telling Les. "You know he likes 'em." "He wouldn't believe me," Ches says. "And who's fault's that?" she demands, aiming a cuff at his ear. "If you weren't such a flaming liar!" Les comes back, very down. He slumps down into the gutter, saying his life's over. "Don't say anything. Not a word. I'm destroyed." The van comes back round the block in a manner reminiscent of the truck in Duel. Les won't believe this, either. At least, not until it pulls up directly across the road. He cheers. "Rick, Francis, it's really you. Hallelujah!" He tells him he's got all their albums. "Even the modern stuff." The roadie puts a question to him. "Have you got one of Francis's wrist thongs?" Les says he hasn't and the roadie tells Rossi it's not the bloke. "Is this it?" asks Chesney. "You told me you got it from him." Les says: "Oh, yeah, that. I took that off you at Doncaster. The Alhambra. 1980-summat!" Poor Les has just decided his own fate. Whack! Thud. Punch. Whack again. And Les is left lying in the gutter, beaten up by Status Quo and we are left pondering poetic justice as the van speeds away. "They beat me up," Les says. "Status Quo beat me up."

The End.

Margaret Carr





Sunday 25 September, Episode 6122

Hi all, here is the report for Sunday.

Les and Cilla arrive back in the street with Les sporting a neck brace to match Francis Rossi's. Kirk laughs, 'You can go too far trying to dress like your heroes.' Les tells him it's not funny, 'When Rossi went for me I saw murder in those mad swivelling eyes. My beautiful Quo, plaster saints. Who'd have thought it?' Kirk asks what exactly is the matter with him and Cilla quickly interrupts, 'Neck injuries. You can't always be sure how these things will turn out, even when the X-ray says there's nothing broken,' which implies that perhaps Les isn't quite as badly injured as Cilla would have us believe.

Danny asks Leanne if they are still on for tonight. (I thought they'd agreed to end things when he came back from Spain. Clearly they have changed their mind.) Leanne smiles, 'Yeah, seems a shame to send Jamie all the way to Holland for nothing, doesn't it?'

Gail is in her kitchen and is obviously happy. (We know this because she is singing, albeit badly). Being happy doesn't seem to suit her very well, it seems out of character somehow. She twitters to Sarah that she had her first good night's sleep in an age and it's all down to talking to Phil, 'You should try it! I feel.... unburdened. Like today is a new day!' Sarah declines the opportunity to reveal her innermost feelings to someone who rubs feet for a living and smirks, 'It probably only works if you fancy him.'

At The Rovers, the sofa which has spent even more time in Shelley's bedroom than she has over the last year is back in it's rightful place downstairs, thanks to Fred. Unfortunately for him, he has managed to hurt his back while doing so and we find him prostrate on the floor of the living room looking very sorry for himself.

Luckily he has Bev, Shelley and Betty on hand to give him sympathy. 'I told you to get some blokes from the bar to take the heavy end, you've only yourself to blame, Betty tells him. 'You shouldn't be humping sofas around at your time of life,' says Shelly, and Bev informs him: 'You should lift from the knees, precious things, backs are.' They hear customers in the bar and all rush to their duties, leaving Fred on the floor moaning: "Help!"

Over at the Battersby residence, Cilla's on the phone, 'That's right, a personal injury claim on a no win no fee basis.' She mouths to Les, 'They're interested!' She turns back to the phone, 'Yes, the case is against Status Quo, the band. I like it, I like it, I la la la like it. You know, the seventies lot. They beat up my fiance! Terrible whiplash injuries.' The line goes dead and she screeches, 'Another one! What's the matter with them all. Don't they know a gilt edged compo case when they see one? Status Quo are minted and we've got 'em bang to rights.'

Les cries, 'What they did to me! Rossi, wham! Parfitt, smack! When I think of the wedge I've spent on them over the years, it's like a stiletto in the guts is this.' Cilla squeals, 'Wait till we find a brief who'll take us on. We'll take Status Quo to the cleaners and the Battersby-Browns will be like pigs in muck.' Kirk tells them, 'Maybe if you went to their office and they saw your injuries they'd believe you.' Cilla exclaims, 'Les, get your coat!'

Jamie asks Leanne what she is going to do with herself that evening with him being away. She casts a glance at Danny and replies, 'Oh I don't know. I'll probably just sit by a lighted candle in the window and embroider your name on a quilt.' Frankie tells her, 'Shame we're going out tonight or you could have come over to us.' Danny cries, 'Going out?'

Frankie tells him, 'Yeah, I booked us a table at The Clock to celebrate your dad's birthday.' Danny mumbles, 'Oh right, yeah, sad day.' Leanne manages to conceal her annoyance and tells Jamie she'll talk to him when he calls her from Holland.

Charlie turns up at Emily's to do the pointing as was previously arranged. Emily and Norris both come to the door and Norris tells him to clear off. Emily tells him that she thinks they ought to find a builder who is a little less controversial. Charlie then says that's ok, but she'll lose her deposit. Emily can't afford to get the work done if that's the case so she has no choice but to let Charlie do the work. She tells him to be quick about it and shuts the door.

Across the street, Danny tells Leanne he's sorry about the sudden change of plan and hands her a hundred quid, 'Go and treat yourself to something nice, eh? My way of saying sorry.' She snaps, 'For what? Breaking a date or for forgetting your dad's birthday.'

In the Rovers, Gail tells Phil how much she thinks the interview has helped her. He tells her he hopes it will help Sarah too. 'She doesn't want to do it,' Gail informs him. Phil seems not too worried and replies with a shrug, 'Well, we tried.' Gail tells him, 'Don't rule her out just yet. She's persuadable.'

Up at the bar, Eileen glares at Gail simpering all over Phil and huffs, 'So much for your theory about him preferring me.' Sean tells her not to lose heart just yet, 'I've not thrown away my betting slip. I've still got a feeling about the taxi lady coming up on the outside.'

Shelley tells Bev she is off to have her session with Zack. Bev fusses like a mother hen, clucking that she should come with her. Shelley tells her, 'I've got a taxi outside. Stop worrying, I'll be fine.'

She steps outside only to find Charlie up a ladder outside Emily's. She makes the effort to acknowledge his presence with a fairly curt, 'Charlie,' to which he jeers, 'Off out on your own? Watch the sky doesn't fall on your head Chicken Licken!' She just gets in her taxi and leaves.

Leanne arrives home clutching her wad of money, telling Janice she came lucky on a horse. Jan asks what she is going to spend it on. Leanne looks glum then suddenly smiles, 'What are you doing tonight? I'm going to phone The Clock and see if they've got a table free.' Janice Battersby in The Clock? Whatever next!

Fred is apparently finding speaking too painful and has resorted to another method of communication. He writes, 'Where's Shelley?' on his pad and hands it to Betty who, despite the letters being two inches high, reckons she can't see them without her other glasses and thrusts it at Jack. Jack looks at the pad for a few seconds and exclaims, 'That's very kind of you Fred, I'll have a pint of bitter!'

Fred cries out at Jack's cheek but sends his back into spasm again and is forced to make an exit, no doubt bound for another lie down on the living room floor.

Gail tells Phil she is going home to talk to Sarah and persuade her to talk to him. She's clearly convinced that they are now item because of this and gives him a kiss as she leaves. The door has barely closed behind her and Sean slides into her seat. Phil asks, 'Can I help you?' Sean smiles, 'I thought you'd never. I bring important news about the lovely Eileen.' Phil seems rather interested all of a sudden.

Shelley tells Bev about her encounter with Charlie, 'He wasn't there when I got back, must have gone on his tea break. I'd spoken to Zack and I had it all planned out in my head what I was going to say.' Bev fumes about Emily employing him in the first place and how she will give her a piece of her mind. Shelley tells her she can't go around shouting at everyone who gives him a job, 'He's still around here and I'm bound to see him. I've just got to toughen up and deal with it.'

At The Clock, Danny and Frankie are enjoying their meal. Frankie proposes a toast to Danny's father and the pair touch glasses. Danny looks round in amazement as Janice and Leanne walk in. He gasps nervously, 'Lippy, what are you doing here?' Shattering the cosy ambiance of the room with her foghorn tones, Janice bellows, 'Us? Oh we're never out of here us two. Treat it like it's our own kitchen don't we Leanne?' Leanne, in equal fishwife tones, chortles, 'Oh yeah, only your feet don't stick to the floor in here!' and the cackling pair traipse off to their table.

As they sit down the waiter greets Leanne and tells her that it's very nice to see her again. Janice wants to know how he knows her and Leanne smiles, 'I've told you. I've got a secret life!'

Eileen is over the moon when Phil turns up on her doorstep and asks if she fancies going for a drink. She plays it cool, 'I've got me tea on.' He smiles, 'Oh, will it keep?' She laughs, 'It's kept for a week, another day won't hurt it.'

Along the street, Bev rips into Charlie, 'I knew you were cruel but I didn't think you'd stoop this low, carrying on two feet outside her front door. Are you still trying to torture my daughter?' He grunts, 'Get stuffed, Bev. You got what you wanted. Shelley is tied to your apron strings again.' She snarls, 'You're a vile evil cockroach. I'd love to stamp on you, to hear you crack. I want you away from here, away from my daughter. Better still, I want you dead!' He smirks, 'I've got a business here, oh and a new flat right across the road. Think I'm going to uproot my whole life just because of some loony bint? She did me a favour anyway. I was only marrying her 'cos I felt sorry for her.'

Back at the restaurant, Frankie seems to have lost her appetite due to the raucous hooting and laughter emanating from Janice and Leanne's table. She pouts, 'How can they even afford it?' Danny stammers, 'I... I don't know. I just pay 'em. I don't tell 'em how to spend it.' Frankie tells them, 'It's not right. I've always thought of here as being 'our' place.' Danny gulps, 'Have you?'

Janice still wants to know how the waiter knew Leanne. Leanne tells her, 'Me and Jamie save up and come here whenever we can.' Janice snorts that she only remembers them coming there once, 'You kept on about it for days, yet here you are getting treated like Lady Muck and your backside polished and not a word.' Leanne replies, 'Look, I'm paying for your dinner and getting you hammered on fancy wine aren't I? So just drop it.'

In the Rovers, Phil tells Eileen about his criminology degree and that his interest in Gail is largely professional, 'I like her. We're mates but that's all.' Eileen asks, 'And does she know that's all it is?' Phil replies, 'Yes. Well I think so. So what about it then? Will you go out with me? On a proper date?' (I somehow don't think you need telling the answer.)

Jack has heard that Cilla and Les are after suing Status Quo and tells them they should think again. Kirk asks, 'Is it 'cos they are always trying to sue people for compo and Status Quo's lawyers will suss that out in a minute?' Jack replies, 'Well, that won't help but I was talking to that roadie lad and he was telling me just how that guitar fella got his injured neck.'

In The Clock, Leanne finally confesses to Janice that she is having an affair with someone but refuses to divulge who.

As Jack tells them what the roadie told him, Les has put two and two together and cries, 'I did that to Francis Rossi?' Jack tells him, 'You sue them I dare say they'll sue you, and I know who'll come off best.' Cilla screeches, 'You flamin' berk! You get assaulted by a millionaire and it turns out it's your own stupid fault! Typical!'

Les tears off his collar and throws it on the table. Kirk cries, 'There's nothing wrong with you?' Les snaps, devastated that he has caused pain to his hero, 'Yes there flamin is! I'm broken hearted!' Cilla, devastated that she can't get her on hands on any compensation, snaps, 'So am I!'

Just then, Charlie walks into The Rovers bold as brass and with a smirk fixed on his face as he sees Bev practically have an attack of the vapours at his nerve. Shelley walks to the bar and tells her mother, 'I'll deal with this.' Bev screeches, 'You're not going to serve him?' Shelley tells him, 'You are welcome in here as long as you don't cause any trouble.' Charlie raises his eyebrows, 'Trouble? Me?' Bev tells her she should bar him. Shelley replies, 'I don't want to bar him. That would look like I'm still bothered by him, that he has some control over me. What can I get you? A pint? Oh, by the way, prices have probably gone up a bit since the last time you paid for one. Freebies are over!' Charlie eyes her coldly and replies, 'On reflection, I think I'll take my custom elsewhere,' and leaves, much to Bev's delight.

Kirk asks, 'I know I'm not a lawyer or anything, but there's something I don't understand. Status Quo can't prove you dragged Rossi offstage twenty years ago, right?' Les sighs, 'Leave it, it's too depressing. And we can't prove that they beat me up. It's stalemate.' Kirk asks, 'But the photos must help, surely?' The pair look at him blankly. He cries, 'The photos I took! I papped 'em. Haven't you seen them?'

The pair look in astonishment as Kirk hands them his camera and they see a series of shots showing Parfitt and Rossi giving Les a pasting. Les suddenly cries, 'Relapse!' and his collar is back on in seconds, 'We've got 'em! The Quosters are dead in the water!' The pair leap up and down in their seats with excitement.

Anne Logan





Monday 26 September, Episode 6123, 124

At the Battersby's Les is feeling guilty and does not want to be suing The Quo. He taps the pile of albums and says, "If I was ever on This Is Your Life, they wouldn't give me that big red book, they would give me these. This is what it's all been about. The Quo have always been there for me, good times and bad times, right by my side. Brilliant lyrics. They put things into words that I couldn't, you know. All the things I think about, life, and love and stuff" Kirk says, "Down, down, deeper and down. Down, down, deeper and down. Down, down, deeper and down. Get down, deeper and down" Les hits him on the head. Cilla enters saying, "There's no room for sentiment when there's cash involved" Les says, "I can't shaft the granddaddies of rock" She snaps, "I think you'll fine you will" Les says that they were there for his first love Jacqueline Wilson. Cilla rants, "Here we are about to hit the big time and you are going on a stroll down memory lane" Les sings softly to himself, "When I look up to the skies I see your eyes a funny kind of yellow. I rush home to bed, I soak my head, I see your face underneath my pillow..... I thought I'd never get over her. All my memories..." Cilla angrily, "Stop being so selfish. Life doesn't hand the likes of us many opportunities and we have to grab this with both hands. It's all take take take with you. I work my fingers to the bone for this family and I'm sick of it. It's time to choose, me or The Quo"

At Janice and Leanne's flat. Leanne is still not telling her whom she is having an affair with but joke's saying, "Alright, alright, but you'd better not breathe a word to anybody. It's.... Roy Cropper" Leanne's mobile goes off and Janice runs and gets it. Janice says, "I recognize that voice" Leanne's heart pounds and Janice hands her the mobile, it's Jamie.

Over at the Bakery Molly immediately mistakes Liz for someone who works in their Eccles shop. Liz tells her she must have got her mixed up with someone else and Molly replies, "Well you are a dead ringer for whatever her name is. Have you seen The Stepford Wives? Well this is like The Stepford Shop Assistants" Diggory coughs and tells Molly, "Er, why don't you pop into the back, check on me Battenbergs? I wouldn't want 'em flopping in the middle"

In the factory Kelly tells the girls how she has bought tickets to go see one of Lloyd's favourite bands this week, as a surprise for him.

Out in the street Gail tells Phil that Sarah will talk to him, "I think seeing me with a smile on my face has done the trick. How about tomorrow evening? You could stay for dinner" Phil tells her that would be great but then adds, "Oh, I have something else on tomorrow night. I can come round but I'd need to be off pretty sharpish. Sorry I can't stop for dinner" Gail tries to hide her disappointment by telling him it was only going to be bangers and mash or something but it's clear she was hoping for more.

In the Rovers, Les tells Janice, "I bet you didn't know I'd still got this. My lucky putty" Leanne asks what on earth he is on about. He informs her, "This was taken from the window of Chalet 49, where two rock gods first met. Rick Parfitt, Francis Rossi. Butlin's Holiday Camp, Minehead. Me and Jan went there on a pilgrimage in 92" Cilla walks in and overhears Les again wibbling on about the beloved Quo and bellows, "You! Home! Now" and hauls him out of the pub. Janice continues to give Leanne a hard time, "Your face lit up when you heard Jamie's voice. Why the heck are you cheating on him?" Leanne insists it's just a bit of fun, "Perhaps if you had a bloke of your own you wouldn't be so interested in 'my' love life" Janice finds someone else to annoy as Danny and Frankie walk in, "Oh hello Lady Muck. Slumming it today are we?" Frankie looks the increasingly detestable mouth on legs up and down and replies, "To be honest, yes we are" Janice moans, "That Clock place you go to has got a nerve, charging a fortune for piddly portions. I had to go t'chippy on me way home" Frankie replies haughtily, "Really? Well we tend to go for quality, not quantity" Janice snorts, "Radishes carved like flowers? I'm gonna get me some decent scran tonight. Chicken in a basket at bingo!" Danny sniggers, "Yeah, well mind you don't swallow the basket whole, eh Lippy?"

Over at the Bakery's Steve is horrified as he looks in the window and spots Liz inside with Diggory and his hands all over her. Steve marches in and Liz introduces him, "Have you met my son?" Diggory beams amiably until Steve intones deadpan, "My old man is in prison, manslaughter. Very nasty temper. Very protective" Diggory vanishes into the back at high speed. Steve hisses at Liz, "I thought you came here to get away from blokes like him" Liz tells him, "He's in the back most of the time. I didn't think I'd like it here but I really do. It's great. People come in, have a bit of a chat, get what they want and go" Steve sighs, "It's called a shop, mother" She enthuses, "Yeah, but in the pub they could stay as long as they wanted and the more ale they drank the more boring they got. Don't you worry about Diggory, I can handle him" Steve smiles, "Okay. Anyway, if that hat doesn't turn him off, nothing will"

Cab office and Eileen teases Lloyd about Kelly, "Sure you want to risk it. Man your age, girlfriend barely out of school. You don't want to get mistaken for her dad" He laughs that she's just jealous and tells her to pass him another biccie. Eileen retorts, "For your information I have my own love life and at least my bloke is old enough to tie his own shoelaces" She hands him another biscuit, "She'll love the sight of your belly hanging over your tiger briefs" Kelley enters. She excitedly shows Lloyd the tickets for the gig but he tells her he can't go as he has darts on a Wednesday. She tells him she'll sell them and come to darts with him but he doesn't seem keen, "No, it'll be a great gig. Take a mate. I'll take you out on Friday to make up, somewhere posh" Kelly sighs, "Yeah, whatever" Eileen smiles, "See, that's the trouble with older men, They are set in their ways"

At the Cafe Danny enters and finds Janice buying the factory cakes. She tells him what a nice lad Jamie is. Danny cracks, "He's got all the get up and go of a sloth, that boy" She retorts, "He's nice, sensitive. I'm glad our Leanne has found such a nice lad" Danny replies, "Well hopefully the years will knock that out of him and make him more like his old man" Leanne laughs, "Then that's the day I dump him" Danny says, "What's wrong with me, body of a greek god, gift of the gab, twinkle in his eye? What woman could resist?" Janice laughs, "You're looking at two of em" Leanne tells Danny, "Your receipt" and hands him a note telling him to be at her flat at six.

Battersby's again and Kirk asks Fiz what she would have in her dressing room if she was a rock goddess. She tells him, "A crystal chandelier, walls lined with fake fur... and some Scotch eggs" Kirk replies, "You know what I'd have? A big bouncy castle" Les prepares to go and see Status Quo's lawyer. He tosses his lucky putty in the air he misses the catch and Schmeichel wastes no time in snapping it up. Cilla tells him it's a sign that he has to leave the past behind him and look to the future. She hands him the photos and Les tells her, "A man's got to do what a man's got to do"

Rovers and Kelly tries to sell the tickets. Janice tells them she's got to get rid of them because her bloke prefers to play darts. Kelly smiles, "What can I say? It's not my fault he's The Junction's star player" Tyrone replies, "I don't think so. The Junction hasn't even got a dartboard let alone a darts team" Janice tells Kelly, "Either he's not as interested in you as you think he is, or he's playing away" Kelly won't listen. She tells Janice they can go to bingo but Janice decides she is not in the mood and is going home.

Bakery again and Diggory is all over Liz. He says, "Hey, I could take you to the Tower Ballroom. We could call it a works outing. I glide like a galleon, me" He moves to grab her for a quick turn round the bakery. Liz expertly avoids his advances and tells him firmly,"'I think you and me need to have a little chat" He tells her that he can't help having a naturally demonstrative personality but she marks his card good and proper, "You're like a flamin' octopus. If you and me are to get on, I think we need to set a few ground rules, like you keeping your hands to yourself" He rubs his finger along her hand and simpers, "I can't help it. I'm a passionate man" but Liz replies firmly, "When I'm in here, you keep your hands in your pockets and your eyes on the floor and we'll get along just fine" he puts his names in his pockets and smiles.

Leanne's flat again. She lets Danny in. She grabs him and pulls him in leaving the door open. Both of them are laughing.

Cab office and Sean tells Eileen that Phil has bought her a foot spa. She seems less than overwhelmed. Sean says, "You need to concentrate, think only good thoughts and focus on the things you want to happen" She snorts, "So you're saying if I think of the things I really want they will come to me?" Sean nods enthusiastically. She closes her eyes tight for ten seconds and then opens them, looks around and snorts, "It doesn't work. I wanted a sausage roll"

Leanne's flat again and Danny laughs, "What were you like in that cafe today? There's Janice, biggest gob in the north, and you're arranging a date right under her nose" Leanne laughs, "Yeah, and you loved it" She is on top of Danny. They are enjoying them self's just as Janice enters and they pair look shocked. Janice has a smirk on her face.

Amanda Souter

Part 2

Duncan is having a short rest, so I am delighted to welcome a new person who has picked up the quill pen! - Joanne McCartney. Enjoy her report.

So...Janice has just walked in on Leanne and Danny having a bit of you know what on the couch. Danny jumps away from Leanne making himself decent, whilst assuring Janice that it isn't what she thinks. 'Oh yeah' replies Janice 'what is it, hunt the thimble?' Danny proceeds to make up some cock & bull story about how poor Leanne was upset about Jamie being away with work and he got carried away with himself when he was comforting her. Naturally, Janice does not believe a word of this nonsense and Leanne admits to Danny that Janice knew she was having an affair but didn't know who with.

Cut to the Cab Office where 'Crabbie' is quizzing Lloyd about his alleged darts team. Lloyd wonders why Kelly is showing so much interest and tell her that 'for her information', that The Crown & Anchor in Droylsden is first in the league (there is no Crown & Anchor in Droylsden and therefore Lloyd must be a big fat liar!!!) Eileen expresses her doubts about Lloyd's pastime by suggesting that Lloyd isn't quite fat enough to be a darts player.

Back to Janice & Leanne's flat. Janice (who had an affair with biker Denis!) is chastising Leanne for cheating on Jamie, suggesting that she would never treat someone like the way in which Leanne is treating Jamie. Leanne maintains that she is just having a laugh with Danny.

At Underworld, a worried looking Danny takes a call from Frankie complaining about their washing machine at home. Frankie, unable to get in touch with Danny has called an emergency plumber at a cost of £90.00 per hour.

In the Rovers, Kelly is in denial about Lloyd. She is chatting away to Janice about this when Lloyd comes in to the pub to take Kelly out for their date. Lloyd uses a step ladder to reach up and hug Kelly and comments on her lovely perfume!

At the Baldwins', Danny refuses to folk out for a plumber and fixes the washing machine himself. Danny, who is feeling a little bit guilty, hugs Frankie and tells her that he takes her for granted and loves her etc etc. He gives Frankie some money to go to the Rovers and says that he will follow her on.

Leanne and Janice are at the bar and order a drink from that Violet. Frankie comes in and asks Leanne if she has heard from Jamie since he has been away. I can't remember what Leanne said in response to this, but Frankie appropriately started going on about how she treats 'em mean and keeps 'em keen.

Les and his extremely strange no win no fee Solicitor meet Status Quo's own brief, who is doubtful to say the least about the incident. There is a huge framed photo of Les's heroes mounted on the wall. Les produces the photographic evidence and says to Quo's Solicitor 'So, in the words of your client as you call 'em, honey don't waste my time' and glances up at the large photo of the Quo almost in forgiveness.

In the Rovers, Cilla and Yana return from shopping where have been spending Les's compensation money that has yet to be agreed. Yana tells Fizz that she has bought something slinky for the hen night. Fizz warns Cilla not to spend any more money on the wedding until she knows for certain that they will actually receive any compo but Cilla is confident that are due big bucks.

The Quo's Solicitor suggests that the photographs are fake. Les's dodgy Solicitor muses what the press would think of them and asks for a settlement of £500,000.00. It comes in to conversation that Les is a massive fan of the band, at which point the Quo's Solicitors eyes light up.

Sean Tully has a foot massage by 'the big yin'. It turns out that Sean is very ticklish indeed and explains to Phil that his ex used to give him foot massages.

Back in the Rovers, Les has returned from his meeting. Cilla is guessing how much compensation they are due and when Les tells her that the compensation is not actually monetary, she gives him a bunch of fives. It turns out that the compo is in the form of the Quo doing a turn at their very own wedding!

Eileen comes home to find Sean giggling away during his foot massage. Sean says he can't take it any more and suggests that Eileen takes his place and promptly runs out of the room.

Danny meets Frankie in the Rovers and Janice and Leanne are sitting nearby. Danny goes to the bar to get the drinks in and Janice takes this as her opportunity to start blackmailing Danny. She demands drinks for her and Leanne and Danny, the wimp, goes along with this.

Eileen almost has an orgasm when Phil is administering her foot massage and they flirt like mad with each other. Jason comes home and they act all coy, but Jason couldn't care less, he just wants his tea.

Finally - back to the Rovers, where Kelly is harping on about her date. She tells Leanne and Janice that they went for a curry and is certain he is not two-timing her. Danny has a go at Leanne for telling Janice about their deceitful act but Leanne isn't at all bothered, as Janice guessed she was up to no good anyway. Danny later tells Janice that she is 'brown bread' if she tells anyone.

The end.

J McCartney





Wednesday 28 September, Episode 6125

Written by: Damon Rochefort
Directed by: Kay Patrick

Diggory is gazing lustfully at Liz as she stacks poppy seed buns on the top shelf at the bakery. 'Me dough's about ready for kneading,' he says ambiguously, 'So I'll leave you to it.'

At home with the Baldwins, and Frankie is complaining that the washing machine still isn't working even though Danny was supposed to have fixed it. He's not really listening to her though, as he has more worrying things on his mind (like what Janice is going to do). He switches the washing machine on, but it leaks all over the floor. Frankie says she'll get a plumber. Danny says he'll take her out somewhere nice later on, but she turns him down because she's already arranged to play dominoes with Jack and Keith. He says he can't believe how well she's fitted in with the locals (possibly not as well as he has, but that's enough double entendres for one episode).

Danny's nemesis, the hedgehog-haired Mrs Janice Battersby, is standing across the road from his house, staring at his front door and smoking a fag menacingly. Danny comes over to the factory and tells Janice to get inside to start work. She says, 'That's no way to speak to your – what would I be to you now?' (You'd be his nemesis, Jan, like I already said). 'Don't start, Lippy, I ain't in the mood, love,' he says. Leanne comes rushing over thinking Janice is making trouble, but Danny shakes his head to tell her not to bother. Then Jamie drives up in the van. 'The gang's all here!' says Janice.

In Roy's Rolls, Liz is telling Frankie about Diggory's behaviour. She says, 'If he tries it on, he's going to find a cream horn somewhere he wasn't expecting.' Steve comes into the cafe, and he isn't happy to see Tracy, Amy (who has mutated into yet another child) and Nathan playing happy families.

In the factory, Joanne is telling Sean that Jessie is suffering from a nasty rash on her shoulder and is off work. Janice is advising Kelly to dump Lloyd. Kelly says they don't know for sure that Lloyd is two-timing her, but Janice reckons he's playing her for a right mug. Danny makes an announcement, that he's secured a very big order which will mean a lot of overtime. He tells them that anyone interested should tell Hayley, and he'll pick names out of a hat to save any squabbling. He tells Mincemeat (Sean) Tweedledum (Joanne) and Lippy (Joanne) to get on with their work. To the astonishment of everyone else, Janice tells him she finds these nicknames offensive and boring, and she might start calling him Baldy. He mutters to her that he's warning her to get on with her work. 'What are you going to do?' she says, 'Sack me? I think you've got a hell of a lot more to lose than I have, sunshine. I wonder what Uncle Mike would say about all this, Baldy?' He realises there's nothing he can say.

Phil the foot-fumbler is about to interview Sarah about Richard Hillman. Gail is there too, and says Sarah doesn't have to do it if she feels uncomfortable. Phil suggests that it might be easier for Sarah to talk if Gail wasn't there, and Sarah agrees. As Gail gets up to leave, Phil gives her a hug which makes her go all girly, and she says she'll pop over to the Rovers and maybe Phil could join her later.

In the Rovers, Kelly is telling Janice that there's probably a simple explanation for Lloyd's lies. Gail is at the bar, and Eileen comes in all dressed up. She tells Gail she's going on a date, and adds, 'No hard feelings, eh? About Phil?' Gail, thinking that she's safely won that particular contest, says there are no hard feelings at all, but when Sean asks Eileen where Phil's taking her, Gail's jaw drops. She's even less pleased when Eileen says that Phil told her he would fit in the interview with Sarah before their date, and adds that he might be late because Sarah has a lot of problems. 'Your Todd being one of the main ones,' Gail snaps. Eileen says she won't rise to this, because it's 'just the ramblings of a jealous old fishwife.' 'At least I'm close to my kids,' counters Gail. 'You hardly see your Todd. He must have some sense after all.' 'Funny about Phil going out with *me*,' says Eileen, 'While he's using you and your freaky family for research!' Gail storms out. 'What?' says Eileen in response to Sean's disapproving look, 'I'm just talking to the neighbours!'

Talking to Phil has obviously been an emotional experience for Sarah. He turns the tape recorder off, and she sniffs and agrees it was helpful to talk to him. Gail slams the door on her way in and tells Phil that he's been interviewing Sarah for long enough. Sarah says she's okay to continue, but Gail tells Phil that he doesn't want to be late for his date with Eileen. 'Look at Sarah! She's in tears!' she says, 'I will not have my family's tragedies fitted in with your social schedule!' Phil says he's been totally upfront with them about his research, and it sounds like Eileen's been stirring it. After Phil's gone, Sarah tells Gail that he was really nice to her and she doesn't know what the problem is. Gail says, 'Well, I really liked him. And I thought he really liked me.' Sarah gives her a hug.

Back in the pub, Kelly is telling Janice, 'You reckon every bloke on t'planet is playing around.' 'That's because most of them are,' Janice says, looking across at Danny, who's at the bar with Frankie. Joanne suggests that they could follow Lloyd, to find out where he really goes and what he's doing. Kelly reluctantly agrees. Sean is telling Eileen that she went too far with Gail. Eileen is a bit worried because Phil is late. Frankie leaves the pub to go to Keith's house to play dominoes, and as soon as she's gone Janice goes over to Danny to say she wants the overtime. He repeats that it's going to be done by a ballot. 'Listen, Baldy,' she says, 'If I don't get that overtime, them girls'll have a lot more to talk about than whether Catherine Zeta Jones has had a boob job or not.'

It's a funny thing with Corrie. It must be filmed in Finland or somewhere, because even though it's late September and I'm drawing my curtains at 7pm these days, and even though Eileen is in the pub waiting for her date to turn up and the factory girls have finished work for the day and already had at least one pint (are you following this?), out in the Street it's broad daylight and Nathan, and Ashley are in their running gear. Tracy finds the sight of Nathan in his shorts curiously appealing, and arranges to meet him and Ashley for a pint in the Rovers after their run. Claire doesn't really want to join them, but Ashley persuades her (Fred is looking after Our Josh).

Eileen goes to Gail's house looking for Phil. Sarah answers the door and says he left ages ago, and that Gail is upstairs in tears. She tells Eileen to go away.

Joanne, Janice and Kelly are in Joanne's bright red Mini, ready to follow Lloyd. They see him come out of the cab office and drive off.

Back in the pub, Diggory is telling Liz that his hands are exactly one and a half degrees cooler than the rest of his body: 'I know. I've used a thermometer. You can't knead dough with warm hands,' he confides, and puts his success down to 'thirty five years of plunging me hands into a bucket of ice every morning. And, like the great sushi chefs of the Orient, me hands have adjusted.'

Tracy is trying, unsuccessfully, to persuade Claire to have a shot of vodka in her pineapple juice. 'Better not,' says Claire, 'I'm driving tomorrow dinner.' 'I'm sure it'll have warn off by then,' says Tracy. Steve comes in, and Liz is keen for him to join her and Diggory but he prefers his own company. Diggory senses a business opportunity and suggests that Liz could deliver sandwiches to the cab office every day. 'I know it'll mean less time behind the counter,' he says, which is all the incentive she needs to agree to the scheme.

Tracy is trying to wind Steve up by telling Claire in a loud voice how good Nathan is with Amy and how nice it is to have a man around. It has the desired effect as Steve picks up his pint and goes to sit somewhere else.

Eileen's at home, and checking her phone for messages from Phil, but there are none. Jason wanders in looking for a clean shirt, and wanders out again. Eileen's mobile rings and she grabs it eagerly, but it's only Sean. She tells him she'll talk to him later. Then she gets a tissue out and dabs her eyes. That Phil, eh? Two women crying about him at the same time.

Kelly, Joanne and Janice are in the Mini, parked outside a house where Lloyd has apparently been for 'hours.' Joanne has brought them some takeaway food and cans of beer. Kelly says he might be visiting his mother or his sister, or playing cards with his mates, but Janice thinks she's deluding herself.

Danny comes to see Leanne, who is wearing her nightie and dressing gown and being seductive, but he's having none of it. He tells her that Janice is making his life hell. Leanne says she knows a way to help him relax, but he turns her down, and tells her she'd better have 'a serious chat with the Poison Dwarf, otherwise me and you are going to fall out big-time.' He goes.

The three in the Mini are getting quite lively. They've got 'It's Raining Men' on the car stereo and they're singing along and dancing as much as you can in a Mini. Then they spot Lloyd coming out of the house, hand-in-hand with a woman in a slinky dressing gown (very similar to the one Leanne was just wearing). Lloyd and the woman passionately kiss on the doorstep. 'If that's his sister,' Janice says, 'they

're very close!'

Sue Haasler





Friday 30 September, Episode 6126

Tip-toe down the cobbles with me once again as we peek into the lives of our Weatherfield pals (and those we wouldn't touch with Emily's clothes prop)! The ITV schedulers, hearing the Canadians had got wind of their cunning plan to lob in some extra episodes, gave us only one on Friday night. My tennis elbow rests easy once again.

It must be morning, as Violet is in her dressing gown and Jason is examining his face for signs of age. Coming soon is a new reality show: "When Blokes Go Vain", Violet thinks. Jason thinks it's time they had a night out, rather than sitting around like old folk. They plan to go to a nightclub where Violet saw one of Ant and Dec last year. This is probably just one of several cultural references most of you won't get, but Ant and Dec are allegedly impossible to tell apart, even though they look quite different, and they're so tiny it takes two of them to host nearly every show on ITV that isn't Corrie! Sean comes in and invites himself to the same club.

In the factory, Janice is lighting a cigarette in a very insouciant manner, to the horror of her workmates. "Battersby!" shouts Danny, and she stubs it out in the most sarcastic way she can. Then she dances around with a pair of knickers on her head, deliberately trying to rile Danny and generally take the Michael, as he would say. Danny refuses to rise to the bait and tells Jamie it's good to keep a dog on a long lead now and again. Instead, he goes on to the factory floor and asks Kelly if she'd like to do a couple of hours overtime tonight.

Charlie appears to be doing something up a ladder at the front of the Barlows' house. It's a handy excuse for him to waylay Violet as she goes by. They engage in some mutual insults which, frankly, were fairly tasteless and nasty to watch. If you get to see this episode you might want to leave the room for a minute. He threatens to tell Jason that they kissed. Violet thought the incident was dead and buried but Charlie tells her that was before she "blabbed to Psycho Shelley". Violet thought Jason was Charlie's mate, but Charlie says he's just an employee. "At the end of the day I'd just stick another ad in the Kabin window." When Violet has had enough and stamps off, Charlie looks after her and says: "Tart."

It's mayhem behind the counter in Roy's Rolls but Diggory seems oblivious as he spouts forth about Liz. She's a man magnet, he tells Roy, Leanne and Frankie. All the cabbies get their lunches from him now (so that's Steve, Les, Claire and Lloyd, then?). He's got a vision of Liz going all over "with bacon baps in a hot box on a bike." "Did you want anything?" asks Roy, "or have you just come to swank?" Diggory tells them that Liz is never rude to clients. "It's customers, Diggory," Leanne tells him. "Hookers have clients." Diggory pauses but a moment. "Interesting how you'd know that," he says. He leaves, telling all Roy's customers that there are half-price rolls next door. I'm afraid the "humour" in this episode is across the line into "tasteless". The writer, Jonathan Harvey, seems to have misjudged the kind of humour that we're used to with Corrie.

Jason goes to the yard and asks Charlie if the nightclub is a gay one. He's worried that Sean knew too much about it. Charlie tells Jason he's lucky to have Violet because "most fellas would like a go." He brushes aside Jason's indignation, telling him he's the lucky one because all Charlie got was mad Shelley.

Janice appears to have been drinking too much at lunchtime and is generally behaving the way the Battersbys did in that first week or so when we all hated them. She even demands to know when Hayley's going to buy a new coat. "When you get a new personality," Sean snipes at her. Leanne warns Janice not to be late back. "What's he going to do? Sack me?" And Janice laughs very nastily indeed.

In the factory, the staff are discussing their former career plans. Jessie (bigger twin) wanted to be an air hostess. Sean wanted to be Miss World (as Miss Trinidad and Tobago) and Hayley, bless her, wanted to be a Diddyman. (Another cultural reference that won't mean anything to anyone who was not in the UK 30 years ago!) Janice is practically sitting on Danny's knee, breathing booze fumes all over him, suggesting he buy her silence by putting a little bit extra in her pay packet at the end of the week. He's got a better idea. "You stop playing these stupid little games as of now and I won't dock all of your wages because of you taking these liberties. Now, Janice, go home, because you can hardly walk in a straight line, let alone sew in one." Janice tells him she might drop by his house and have a chat with Frankie. She leaves and he goes to make a phone call, but thinks better of it and quickly follows Janice. He's just in time to hear her saying to Frankie: ". . . and I've seen her in your house loads of times behind your back." Danny rushes over the road and right into a well-time handbag swung by Frankie. Leanne appears at the Kabin door and Frankie screeches: "Did you know about this, did you eh? Having that bitch around our house while we was away?" Jamie protests that his mother isn't a bitch. As Frankie goes off in a huff, Janice slurs to Danny: "Next time, I'll tell 'er a bit more."

The sign reads: "Coming soon: Liz's hot box." (I did try to warn you about the jokes in this episode). Luckily, Liz protests even more than I do. But it seems she's not protesting at the sign, but at the thought of riding a bike over the cobbles. "Now now, don't shout, precious," says Diggory.

Violet is on the phone to Jason, reassuring him that neither the club nor Ant and Dec are gay. She and Sean are almost ready to go out but Violet's worried Charlie will say something to Jason about the kiss. "He's a proven liar," Sean tells her. She says she hates keeping secrets. "!'m supposed to love him and I go and do this to him." Sean agrees. "That's why you're not going to throw it all away by admitting something that didn't mean diddly." They go out to where Jason has a taxi waiting, with Sean hoping tonight is the night that Dermot O'Leary (see previous cultural reference notes) wakes up in Manchester with sexuality amnesia.

At the junior Baldwins, Frankie looks at Leanne and snipes that it's open house in here these days. Leanne replies that she washed her sheets and they weren't dry, so Jamie said she was welcome. And when Frankie retaliates with a comment about Leanne doing washing, Leanne says Carol thought it was a bit grubby there. This sets off Frankie. She accuses Danny of covering up Carol's visit and asks, "How come Janice Battersby knows more about what goes on in this house than I do? It's because it's in your nature to be deceitful and vile."

At The Clock (I really miss Delphines) Lloyd is telling Kelly a jokes that hinges on the Germans invading T'Brook, but Kelly's sure she would have heard if they'd invaded Liverpool. She's quite distracted, worried that she doesn't fit in there because she's dead common. She's thinking of nicking some of the latest perfumes available in the ladies.

At the Baldwins, Danny is on the sofa when Leanne comes through to get a glass of water. He follows her to the kitchen and tells her he can't bear the fact that Janice has one over on him. Leanne says she'll get Janice to keep her mouth shut. "No-one tells the poison dwarf what to do." Leanne protests, but Danny is deadly serious. "It was good while it lasted," he says. "I just hope through all this we can still be friends." Leanne tells him harshly to go upstairs.

Violet and Jason are in very high spirits and back from the nightclub. Sean has copped off with someone. Jason's had a really good time. They both get very mellow and remember a song they danced to, "Give me your truth." Violet decides now is the time to tell him because she respects the honesty between them. "You're going to hate me," she warns him. "Violet Wilson, I will never hate you." "You'll be hurt." "I'm invincible," he shouts, too loudly for 2am. She tells him she kissed Charlie and he laughs. It seems he thinks Charlie has put her up to it as a wind-up. When he realises she's serious, Jason is instantly sober. He demands the details. Why didn't she tell him. "I was trying to protect you," she says. "I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. It didn't mean anything." Jason says he's going to bed. "You're sleeping here. The best night of my life, and you have to ruin it," he says. He gets as far as the stairs before he starts sobbing.

The End

Margaret Carr






Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Sue Haasler, Duncan Lindsay Margaret Carr, Amanda Souter.