Hope you all said white rabbits this morning...as I hope Ashley did, as he will need a bit of luck. It's fight night down Corrie way...well fight day, night comes later and Maddocks senior (the fat one) is handing out free pies to rally support. Naturally the gluttons of the Street are soon crowding him and Fred looks on in disgust before storming home where Nathan is telling Ashley to forget about Claire, evidently a message to the scriptwriters too.

Penny finds Mike looking down in the pub, maybe miffed that he didn't get a pasty. But as she nags him about he 'top dog' war with Danny, he lets her know that he has a new son. I'll be honest here, I hadn't a clue what was going on so I'll elaborate no further for fear of sounding like an idiot more than usual.

Tracy has pulled out all the stops to look good for the court case and if I was in a really cheeky mood I could comment on how long that probably would've taken...I won't though. She even has Amy dressed up, ready to show the judge how good a mother she is

Steve is also preparing for his big day in court but he doesn't seem too worried as Eileen and Liz offer advice...well Liz does, Eileen merely adds her usual snippets of unique sarcasm. Liz reminds Steve that the main aim of the case is to get a DNA test to prove he is Amy's father.

Penny is none too pleased with mike's latest revelation but he doesn't seem overly concerned (Sorry I really didn't understand who this 'Harry' was!)

Martin tries to convince Ashley to call off the fight for medical reasons but he's having none of it. Claire chooses this moment to enter the pub along with Joshua (his is a pint) and confront Ashley...she has been told about the truth by Maddocks junior (the weedy one...I'm calling them weedy and fat from now on, I'm original like that)

Right I kind of grasped this bit of the Mike thing. He's gone to see Viv who I believe he had an affair with long ago and now Harry her husband has died, it can come out she had Mike's son...Danny. If I'm wrong, sack me. Mike tells her he missed out on so much of Danny's life but Viv appears to be one of those Tracy Barlow like creatures...no sympathy for fathers.

Speaking of Tracy, the court case is underway and it isn't going well for her. Tracy has refused to allow Amy to take a DNA test, something which Steve's solicitor leaps on like Fred would a sausage sandwich

Viv turns up at the Rovers this time and apologises to Mike about the way she was with him earlier. She tells him she doesn't want to break Danny's heart but Mike isn't so willing to go along with this.

There's nothing more satisfying than seeing a look of dismay on Tracy Barlow's face. The judge brings about that pleasure by declaring that due to her lack of co-operation on the DNA test he will accept Steve as Amy's biological father. He says the hearing will continue in September but until then for Amy's sake, they should stop bickering. Which is like telling a bee to stop collecting nectar.

Bev and Fred meet in the Street and he says he's had quite enough of Shelley's behaviour and by Friday she will have to leave the pub...job-wise and accommodation-wise

Danny is on the phone securing a trip to India and Mike suggests they go together. As Danny scoffs, Mike prepares to reveal all...but Penny comes in and takes him away. Outside she urges him to think of what Danny's needs are and to stop being selfish. Which is like telling a bee...well you get it.

Fat and Weedy and Ashley 'the girl' Peacock (whoa steady with that wit, you don't want anyone cut now) Scrawny tells Ashley that he's in for it. Once the bell rings and Ashley can't go on, his nose will be knocked into the back of his head...sounds like quite a painful condition, and would be pretty hard to sniff as well.

Meanwhile Mad Bitch Claire (and no it wasn't me who gave her that rather inapt name, she did it herself) is telling Les to 'rev up his engine' as she is going to stop the fight. Ashley will have to get through her first...find out in episode 2 if this is a worthy challenge for 'the girl'...cat fight anyone!?

It's fight night and the crowd are bracing themselves...Ashley isn't quite so prepared, but he refused to wimp out...but if Claire has her way, the fight won't go ahead. She gets Les to drive her there at top speed

Sean is standing outside the vet's surgery, clearly waiting for Tim

Mike is telling penny how he feels down that he never had a part in the upbringing of any of his sons. Penny suggests that now is his chance to make up for lost time. As she says that, dam walks into the room and starts guzzling down some milk only to have his head snapped off for Mike. Penny scowls at him

Meal time at the Baldwins and Viv is asking Danny about his relationship with mike. he says they get on but riles off a list of attributes similar to his own, something which Frankie points out

Bev is confiding in Liz that she thinks it'll be better off if Fred does evict Shelley as then Charlie's attraction to her might die off...but Liz points out they could easily move away to another pub (with a glowing reference I'm sure...)

Liz encourages Steve to talk some sense into Tracy but he isn't so sure. nevertheless he gives it s hot only for Tracy to suddenly scream for help that he is threatening her. he isn't surprised in the slightest.

Training goes awry for Ashley as he ends up with a dumbbell on his foot. In pain, he says the fight will have to be cancelled.

That won't please the crowd now made up of Kevin and Sally and Cilla and Yana as noticeable faces...Maddocks comes to taunt Ashley and Nathan gets an idea...starting to insult Ashley gets him on his feet...he will be able to fight after all.

Sean is standing outside the vets with flowers only to see Tim come out and be picked up by another man, who kisses him.

Maddocks enters the ring and a nervous Ashley follows suit, to the wonderful rhythm of Looney Tunes.

Danny is starting to gripe about Viv and even suggests they move back to London. Frankie comforts him saying they'll think about it if he feels the same in 6 months...why do I feel the whole clan will have been destroyed by then?

The fight is underway but Claire arrives to tell Ashley to stop only for him to be floored by a punch. Claire glares at Maddocks' partner

Violet informs Sean that there is a vacancy behind the bar and he is interested...but so is Kelly...cue a griping session between the pair.

Round one is over...and Claire and the fake blonde are at each others throats. Across the room, Les has spotted a man eyeing up Cilla and dashes to the scene.

Tracy is telling the judge about Steve's 'threat earlier and he is left with little choice but to enforce a ban on Steve's access to Amy.

Martin notices a glare from a butch feller at the fight and calls him fat and ugly, only for him to overhear. With this going on, Claire facing up to Blondie and Les confronting Cilla's new man a full scale riot ensues with punches thrown, chairs chucked and blood spilled. The two fighters notice the chaos that has ensued and put us all out of our misery by calling a truce

Duncan Lindsay

The cab office is rife with gossip over the brawl with Lloyd and Les telling their own unique versions of events. Steve's thoughts are soon elsewhere as Steve gets handed a letter. We don't have to wait long to find out it's contents as Liz storms round to Tracy's to have a go at her for banning Steve from seeing Amy

Claire is embarrassed with herself and refuses to go in to work but Ashley and Fred think its brilliant and insists she goes in. Kelly bursts in to ask Fred about

As Viv heads back to London, Fred is confronted this time by Sean, who also puts up a strong fight for the job...and with more success...Fred offers him a night's trial

A confused Kirk is telling Fiz he's lost Jimmy Saville...

Mike is telling Penny that he only slept with Viv the once and it meant nothing. He goes on to tell how he noticed similarities between himself and Danny when he was growing up.

Meanwhile, Danny, feeling emotional, holds Harry's scarf close to him

Penny is asking Frankie to talk to Danny about going a bit easier on Mike, as he is under stress. Frankie coldly replies that that works both ways

Kelly is furious to see Sean behind the bar and Sean can't help a gloat. But, as he goes through to the back, he finds Shelley sitting on the landing and is uneasy. Shelley tells him staff must use customer toilets.

As Fiz sleeps, Kirk comes through with a basket of puppies, saying that the mother has rejected them so they will have to care for them

Tim asks Sean if he saw him outside the surgery with flowers and ponders if they were for him. Sean lies saying they were for his mother but Kelly pipes up saying she thought his mum lived in Bolton

Mike pops back to the factory and Danny offers him a tipple

Sean sits down with Tim who asks again before saying that person he saw him with wasn't who he thought. Sean shrugs saying its none of his business but Tim replies he'd like it to be

Danny is ranting on about Adam being so close to Mike but Mike pulls him into a comforting hug before warning him never to tell anyone he did that

Sean and Tim arrange a date involving going back to Sean's place for a euphemism of coffee

Tracy waltzes into the pub and reminds Steve of the court order. He decides to comply and leaves, along with everyone else, leaving Tracy alone, but not hurt enough by this to stop herself making a satisfied smirk

I won't be around for the next two Monday updates but will be back in a fortnight

Duncan Lindsay

Greetings all. Here is the update for Sunday 7th August.

It's Sunday morning at the kennels. Fizz opens her eyes at looks at the clock, it's ten-thirty. She pats the lump in the bed beside her and reminds Kirk that he promised her a fry-up. Just then she hears Kirk's voice coming from the kitchen, and becomes aware of some heavy breathing beside her. She leaps up as Kirk runs in, and an Irish Wolfhound gets out of bed. Fizz is not amused and tells Kirk there's to be no more dogs in the bedroom. He says he'll tell them all later, they listen to him, he's a dog whisperer. He tells Fizz that it's a gift and she's got it too. She looks less than impressed.

Scooter and David are playing a video game. The doorbell rings and Gail goes to answer it. It's Keith from next door with a box of fresh vegetables that he's grown. She invites him in and makes coffee, while he looks out of the window at her garden. He volunteers to do some gardening for her, it will give him something to do.

Eileen is studying Steve's split lip, and tells him it reminds her of Karen. Liz comes in and tells him she's worried that it is all getting very nasty. Steve is sure it'll work in his favour, no court would stop him from seeing Amy when Tracy is up on an assault charge.

Over at the Barlow's, Tracy is pacing the floor, fuming. Ken tries to calm her down, and then Blanche comes in. "I see the jailbird has finally surfaced," she remarks, dryly. "Thanks Gran," huffs Tracy, "I could do with a bit of support here, I was locked in a cell for nearly an hour!" "Hardly Nelson Mandela, is it?" says Blanche. She goes into the kitchen where Deirdre is preparing lunch, and moans about the shop bought Yorkshire puddings. Deirdre gets exasperated and tells Blanche if she wants homemade, to be her guest. She goes and sits with Ken, making it clear that her sympathies lie with Tracy. Tracy tells Ken that he's always sitting on the fence, and for once, he's going to have to take sides. Deirdre tells Ken that she's worried that if Tracy thinks they are not on her side she'll take off to London, or even abroad, and she's worried about Amy's future.

Fizz and Kirk are in the Rovers. Fizz is moaning about dogs in the bedroom when Kirk gets a phone call. It's his mother, so he goes outside to take the call. Just then Maria and Tyrone come in, and Ty persuades a reluctant Maria to stand beside Fizz at the bar. Just then Kirk comes back in. It seems his dad has slipped a disc and his mother needs him in Cyprus to help with the donkeys. Fizz is aghast. "You can't," she tells him, "we've got a kennels to run." Kirk is confident that she can do it alone. "What, look after all those muts?" she cries, and then Tyrone suggests that Maria giver her a hand. Maria is adamant that she won't. "You and them can shove it!" she declares.

Liz has gone to see Bev to borrow something smart to wear for a meal with Bob and some of his brainy friends. Liz confides that she's been up since half past seven, swotting up on current affairs in the posh newspapers. Bev tells her that she and Fred are going to dinner that evening at the Clock, too. Bev knows he's taking her because he wants her to take over the Rovers, and she's going in order to talk him out of sacking Shelley.

Deirdre and Tracy are pushing Amy down the street. Tracy confides that Steve is the only man she's ever loved, and she knows she's pulled some strokes, but when he offered to buy her a drink in the Rovers her heart melted. Just then they come face to face with Steve himself, and Tracy tells Deirdre to take Amy inside. She tells him that the court order still stands. He just stands there and stares at her.

After the break we see Steve in the Rovers. Liz comes in and asks how she looks. She's dressed in a navy suit with a crisp white shirt. "Where you off to? A funeral?" asks Steve. Liz tells him that Bob is taking her to the Clock for a meal with his mates. She asks if he's seen Tracy, and he tells her he doesn't want to talk about it. Steve takes a sip of his beer and discovers that it's off. He takes it to the bar and tells Sean, but just then Fred pops his head round the door to say that he's off out. Steve calls him and tells him to sort the beer out. Fred comes in and samples the offending drink and agrees. Sean says that if he knew what to do, he could do it. Fred tells him it's not his fault it's his own for thinking he's got a manager. He takes off his jacket and prepares to sort the pipes out. He warns that if his shirt gets dirty the dry cleaning bill is coming out of Shelley's wages.

Maria and Tyrone are at the bar, and Maria is saying that Fizz will never be able to run the kennels without Kirk. Ty tells her that she should offer to do it with her, and get back into her parents' good books. They might even give her back half of the kennels.

Suited and booted, Bob arrives to collect Liz and stops, stunned, when he sees her. "What do you think?" she asks him. He tells her she looks really smart, but he wants her to relax and be herself. "Thank heavens for that!" she tells him, and jumps up and rushes off to get changed.

Gail is showing Keith round the garden. He asks what she would have if she could have whatever she wanted. She tells him she'd like somewhere nice to sit, some decking, some colour in the borders and some wisteria growing up the fence. He goes off to get a book and David, who's sitting at the table there, looks at her. He tells her that Keith obviously fancies her rotten.

The dinner with Bob and his friends seems to be going well, with Liz making amusing contributions to the conversation.

Bev is sitting waiting for Fred, who rushes in, explaining that there was a crisis at the Rovers. He asks if she's come to a decision about taking over there, but she tells him that can wait and they should enjoy their night out.

Kirk is rushing around packing and getting ready to depart for Cyprus. Fizz tells him the dogs not only need mucking out, but walking as well. He doesn't appear to be listening and tells her he has to get going.

Bev and Fred are enjoying their meal. Fred relates the story of how he fell into a hole in Audrey's garden, and tells her it's a long time since he had such a good evening. They talk about the Rovers and he remarks that Sean and Violet are barely out of nappies as far as running a pub is concerned. He then confides that he always feels there's a dark side to Betty that puts him in mind of Sweeny Todd! "You and me, behind that bar," he tells her, "we'd make what you call a real dream team!" Just then Liz rushes over to their table, telling them how nervous she is. Bev calms her down, telling her how much people like her. After she's gone, Fred tells her that's why he needs her running the Rovers.

Kirk and Fizz are waiting at the bus stop. She warns him that if he gets on that plane he will not find her there when he gets back. He tells her that his mum is on the phone every ten minutes in tears, he has no choice. Just then Maria comes along, and Kirk turns to her and begs her to run the kennels while he is away. She tells him she'll do it, but Fizz jumps in at that point and says that she is going to run the kennels while he's away. "What you on about?" he asks, "you said you didn't want to do it." "Oh, you're always twisting things, Kirk," says Fizz. Just when it looks like war is going to break out between Fizz and Maria, Tyrone interrupts and says he's sure they can sort something out. Kirk's bus arrives at that moment, and he leaves.

Liz and Bob come walking along the street, arm in arm. He tells her he doesn't think it could have gone better. She's just about to invite him in when they see Steve come out of his flat across the street with suitcases, and put them into a taxi.

She goes across to talk to him and he tells her he's going to stay with Andy for a while, and asks her to keep an eye on Amy for him. She hugs him and tells him she loves him, and then Lloyd drives him away.

Back at the restaurant, Fred is pushing Bev for an answer. She starts with flattery until he stops her, telling her not to, just to protect her daughter. She becomes a little tearful and asks for a brandy.

End.
Anne Logan

The Baldwins are organising their days out. Danny has Jamie going on a staying over trip while Danny is also away on a business trip.

Kelly is outside the factory boasting that she has spent the night with someone. Cue a sheepish looking Adam and a shocked workforce

Fiz is annoyed that maria won't lend a helping hand with the kennels but Maria at least offers to phone into Underworld to warn them of Fiz's impending lateness

Norris is complaining to Rita that he wants to know who Emily is receiving mysterious blue-biro letters from.

Danny phones Leanne to invite her to their 'favourite hotel' but, as Jamie is at table four (or was it six? I forgot) she hangs up pretty quickly

Kelly is flirting mercilessly with Adam but Danny doesn't click and instead phones Leanne again, who seems more keen than before to meet up with him.

Sarah is trying to matchmake Keith and Gail but for now, both are oblivious to what her knowing looks actually mean.

Adam tries to resign over his relationship with Kelly but Danny concedes that if anything becomes awkward then it'll be Kelly who walks.

Norris overhears that Emily has invited her niece, Freda over for dinner and he huffs wondering aloud when Emily was going to let him know

Kelly warns Adam that if Danny ever says anything about her then it'll be because he used to fancy her

But Danny has someone else on his mind and that someone is heading out. Vera tells Frankie that Leanne is going out with Jamie, setting alarm bells ringing for Frankie (no pun intended...you'll understand in a while)

Fred pops into the Arms (traitor!) and asks Bev if he can have a word

Sarah is gossiping with Audrey on walking in on Keith and Gail but Audrey is unconvinced

Fiz is having a go at Maria for forgetting to inform Underworld of her lateness and tells her if she doesn't start pulling her weight then she can forget it

Fred informs Bev that he will not be evicting Shelley and she thanks him before he admits he's fond of her

Kelly is asked out for a quiet drink by Adam but due to the input of the rest of the crew, the venue ends up being the Rivers

Audrey is surprised by the fact Keith is going to Gail's for tea but Gail invites Audrey too...but she declines, telling Gail to fill her in tomorrow.

Vera shows Jack an article Frankie gave her saying women who complain live longer so she vows to always say whatever is on her mind from now on

Leanne tarts herself up and heads off in a taxi, followed by Frankie

Norris is worried that Freda might be after Emily's money but an irritated Emily throws his claims back in his face

Danny answers his mobile and Frankie asks him if he wanted to get a hotel full of people out how would he do it...he suggests fire alarm before it dawns which hotel she is meaning...seconds later, the bell is ringing...will they be caught out? Find out in Part 2

Duncan Lindsay

Written by: Martin Allen
Directed by: Kay Patrick

With the fire alarm blaring in the background, Danny tells Leanne that Frankie is downstairs in the foyer and it was she who set off the fire alarm – and it was he who told her to do it, not knowing she was at the same hotel. (I'm as confused as you and Leanne are, not actually having seen the previous episode before writing this).

Back in the more sedate confines of Coronation Street, Norris is intrigued to see a strange woman, clutching flowers, knocking on Emily's door. Norris as usual jumps to paranoid conclusions and assumes she's a confidence trickster after Emily's pension book, but he's thwarted in his detective attempts by Emily opening the door and welcoming the woman warmly as "Freda, and shooing Norris away to his local history meeting without an introduction.

A full scale evacuation of pyjama'd people is underway at the hotel. Frankie scans the people descending the staircase, but Leanne is upstairs touching up her makeup and arguing with Danny. She wants to get away down the fire escape or anything rather than face Frankie, but he says she needs to get down there and give Frankie a decent excuse. He ushers her out of the door.

Leanne descends the hotel stairs and pretends to be surprised to see Frankie. She says she's just been for an interview to a new bar round the corner, as a cocktail waitress – and asks Frankie if she's there for the same reason! Frankie's excuse is much more lame – she says she was just passing, on her way to meet an old girlfriend, heard the fire alarm and thought she'd come in to find out what was happening (as you do). Leanne brilliantly turns the tables on her by pointing out that Danny's away in Glasgow and it's a bit of a coincidence that Frankie happens to be "meeting an old girlfriend the same night. Frankie can't wait to get away from her, and as soon as she's gone Leanne gets her phone out: "Crack open that champagne, lover boy, mission accomplished! she says.

Freda is acting a little strangely, not responding to Emily while she waffles on about Norris and then her late husband Ernest. Freda apparently has a look of Ernest, so I gather she's some relative of his (turns out she's his niece. Apologies if you know all this – I've been away on holiday and missed Corrie for a week and haven't had time to read the updates yet). Freda explains to Emily that she's deaf, and needs people to be in front of her when they speak so she can lip-read.

Adam, Penny and Mike are in t'Rovers, and the factory girls are winding Adam up. As soon as he goes to the bar, Kelly grabs him and snogs him, to the obvious disapproval of Mike and Penny. They look even more annoyed when Kelly joins them at their table ("Can't ignore the in-laws) and addresses them as "Mike and "Pen.

Frankie and Danny are talking on the phone when Leanne arrives back in the hotel room. It seems to have taken Leanne the same amount of time to climb the stairs as it took Frankie to drive home, because she's now back in the street.

Scooter and Sarah are winding Gail up. Keith is coming over for dinner, and they're talking about soft music and candlelight. Gail says she only invited him to thank him for what he's been doing, and because she feels sorry for him and Craig.

Shelley's boudoir now. "I want to get back behind that bar as soon as possible, declares Shelley, pondering the state of her bruises (nearly gone, and she looks exactly the same as she did before the surgery). Charlie's getting ready to go downstairs himself. Shelley says she's worried about Sean working in the bar: "What if he turns out to be popular? (that would never do – people enjoying themselves at t'Rovers). After all, she says, "Gays are the in thing nowadays, aren't they? Charlie says there's one way she can make sure things are okay in the bar, and she snaps back at him that it's no use telling her to get better and snap out of it, because she's trying to.

Keith arrives at Gail's with a bottle of wine (from the off license – he's run out of the home-made stuff, much to Gail's relief) and a little bunch of flowers. Sarah and Scooter are making little remarks about the wine being romantic and so on, but Keith seems to be more concerned with the fact that Audrey won't be joining them. Sarah and Scooter decide to go out and see a film, and leave Gail and Keith alone together.

Maria arrives at her former family home to find the sitting room covered in Fiz, Tyrone and a large quantity of dogs. She shouts at Fiz that the dogs shouldn't be in the house and should be in the kennels outside, but Fiz says she's too tired to care. Maria is especially cross to see a dog chewing the office diary, and she says the next day she wants the place organising properly. Fiz says she'd rather wait for Kirk to get back, but Maria says the business will go under if they don't sort it out soon. Fiz says they'll do it Maria's way, but they'll know who to blame if it all goes wrong.

Adam is back at the Rovers bar, with Kelly attached to his side like one of those Garfield things you see on car windows. Janice and the others are taking full advantage of having the boss's son at their beck and call, and Adam is looking like a complete lamb to the slaughter. Penny tells Mike he has to speak to Adam, otherwise junior Baldwin will have no authority over the girls at work. Adam takes a drink over to Mike and Penny and Mike tells him to sit down. "Rule number one, he says, "Never feed out of the same trough as the livestock. You'll get your snout filthy and they'll trample all over you. "Right. Thanks, Dad, Adam says, and wanders back to the livestock. Penny rolls her eyes at Mike's feeble effort.

Charlie swaggers into the bar with his chest puffed out, and starts talking to Jack Duckworth, who's lost £15 on the horses and isn't in the best mood. In fact, his ranting ends in him clutching his chest a bit and looking breathless, but he tells Charlie he's ok. He tells him that Vera says getting angry makes men have strokes and die early, whereas for women venting their anger is a good thing and helps them live longer. He suspects Vera is using this as an excuse to rant at him a lot. Charlie says Jack should chill out and let Vera watch over him, and she'll soon get fed up. Jack says there might be something in those words.

Keith is telling Gail that he lives in hope that some day he might meet someone else. She tells him that she thinks he's a lovely neighbour, but she doesn't harbour romantic intentions towards him. He tells her that it's actually Audrey he's interested in! He asks Gail if she thinks he might be in with a chance.

Emily and Freda are having a cosy chat and looking through some photographs. Norris comes home, and Emily introduces him: "this is my niece Freda, who happens to be deaf. You can predict Norris's response. "I'm SORRY TO HEAR THAT! he shouts at Freda, making exaggerated mouth movements. Emily tells him that Freda can lip-read perfectly well without him shouting. "Oh, isn't it marvellous what they can do? he says to Emily then turns to Freda: "I THINK IT'S MARVELLOUS HOW YOU HAVE OVERCOME YOUR DIS-A-BIL-ITY! "Thank you, she says, "I can tie my own shoelaces as well. Poor Norris doesn't know how to react to a sarcastic deaf person at all. Emily invites Freda to stay for a few days, and she accepts, but Norris says to Emily that she has a lot on at the moment – he doesn't trust Freda. Emily tells him to mind his own business.

Vera is nagging Jack while they're eating their dinner, but he tries to upset her by burping loudly and clipping his fingernails at the table. He says he's trying to help her by making her angry – he's putting years on her life by winding her up. And by not answering her back, he could live to a ripe old age too – they could have another thirty years together!

Sue Haasler

Written by: David Lane
Directed by: Kay Patrick

Frankie isn't concentrating on Lloyd's sausage barm; her mind is elsewhere. But while Lloyd waits for the preoccupied caterer to provide him with his meaty snack, he has business to discuss with Dev – about buying out his share of Streetcars. Dev says that Fred is prepared to pay the asking price, whereas Lloyd isn't. Lloyd replies that he knows the cab business, and Fred doesn't.

Frankie rings Danny, who is half dressed in the hotel room, with Leanne in a hotel dressing gown sipping tea on the bed next to where he's sitting. He reassures his wife again that she did the right thing in trying to make sure Leanne wasn't cheating on Jamie. Meanwhile Leanne is denuding the bathroom of all the complimentary shower caps and so on. Danny doesn't think this is a good idea, as even Janice might get suspicious when she sees that lot in her bathroom.

Sunita is in the corner shop rubbing her bump and telling Liz, "I don't care if she's a boy or a girl. Oops – is that a bit of a giveaway? Dev says he doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl, "as long as he's healthy (another giveaway). Sunita says they have an appointment to view one of the houses Dev picked. He says she's going to love this one.

There's trouble in paradise at the Duckworth's, where Jack and Vera are very niggly with each other. "I don't know why I married ya, she grumbles. "Probably cos you said you were up the duff, he replies. Aaah… it's like Bogart and Bacall, isn't it? Vera wants to know how they're going to celebrate their wedding anniversary. Jack says that a 48th anniversary isn't a special one, and you just have to plan ahead for the 50th. Vera accuses him of lacking romance. Then she tells him off for drinking tea out of the Charles and Camilla commemorative mug. Jack chuckles, and says this has all been part of her therapy: "Losing your rag puts years on your life, remember? Keeping calm puts years on mine.

Danny catches Kelly coming in late to work and wants to know why. She says she's been to the doctor's and he says, "What did he give you? Something for cradle snatching? She's actually been to the hairdresser's, and Sean wonders what "the heir to the throne will think about it. Adam thinks it's lovely, and he's looking so besotted that when she asks him to make her a cup of coffee he does! Danny comes out of the office and Sean asks if he's come to admire Kelly's new hairdo. Kelly says that Adam gave her permission to go, so Danny tells Adam to come into the office. "Where are you keeping your brains these days? Danny asks him – a question not really needing an answer. Adam lamely replies that it was the only time Kelly could get an appointment; he says Danny is jealous. Danny demands to know what he means by that. Mike, who has come in during the discussion, tells Danny to leave Adam alone, but Danny is angry and wants Adam to spell it out. Adam says Danny's jealous because he (Danny) tried it on with Kelly and she turned him down. Danny says that "tramps like her never turn anyone down, added to which he's happily married (!), and if Adam carries on saying stuff like that he'll beat some respect into him in the car park. Adam merely looks smug and lets daddy stick up for him – Mike points out that Danny is a hypocrite and reminds him that he helped himself to the babysitter. Adam grins (I suspect trying to look sexy and smouldering, but only succeeding in looking a tad dense).

The Lovely Craig appears in his back garden with a tray of beer for his granddad (who is digging), Jack and Diggory Compton (who are watching him). Craig got the beer from t'Rovers – he impressed Betty with his runner beans and she was happy to serve him despite the fact that he's not 18 yet. Diggory tells Craig to use his charms to play the field and not be tied down to one lass. Diggory says as far as marriage is concerned, he's "been there, done that; she got the T shirt. And the ‘ouse. And the car. The three old men go on about how old age catches up with you fast – one minute you're a teenager going after young girls; the next you're finding 40 year old women attractive; and the next, 40 year old women are too young for you. Craig says they're all doom and gloom: "You're more Goth than me!

The three ages of woman are sat in the Rovers, in the mortal form of Audrey, Gail and Sarah. They're talking about Gail's evening with Keith. "He sounds just what you need, Audrey tells her. "As what? Gail says. "A stepfather? It's not me he fancies, mam – it's you! Audrey looks shocked.

Leanne is also in the Rovers and she's joined by Janice, who noticed that her bed hadn't been slept in, and she wants to know who Leanne was with. Leanne says there is no other bloke apart from Jamie, but Janice doesn't believe her. "I bet he's married, she says. "Actually, it's a woman, Leanne says, which obviously confuses Janice a bit. Leanne says she was with "fat Charlotte from school.

Lloyd is in the Rovers too, and he's laying it on very thick to Fred about how the minicab game is the hardest game in the world. Fred admits that he's changed his mind about buying half of Streetcars, but he hasn't talked to Dev about it yet. "I won't let on, Fred, Lloyd grins triumphantly, "I promise.

Fiz is at the kennels sharing her bag of chips with the dogs, which makes Maria cross. She's also cross that Tyrone is there with Fiz – she thinks Fiz is after him while Kirk's back is turned.

Dev and Sunita are back in the shop after having seen the house. Sunita loved it ("the carpets were so thick!). Dev's phone rings, and he says he'll get on to the estate agent as soon as he's got rid of "this time waster – Lloyd, who offers him £5k less than the asking price for the cab firm and says it's the best offer he's going to get. Dev, confident he still has Fred's offer in the bag, says that this time next week Lloyd is going to be "working for a big fat butcher.

Frankie is wrapped around Danny's neck telling him how much she missed him. She says that worrying about Jamie and Leanne has made her worry about Danny, and she hates the thought of him staying away overnight in strange cities and hotels. He convinces her that he was missing her just as much (he's a lot more plausible as an adulterer than Metallic Ian ever was).

Kelly is in the factory telling her mates that she's a bit bored with Adam: "I want a real man, someone who'll stand up to me. Everywhere I turn he's looking at me like a lost puppy. She doesn't realise he's right behind her, along with daddy Mike and cousin Danny (is Danny Adam's cousin? I'm lost with all these Baldwins). "You want a real man? Adam says Scottishly. "Fine, go and find one. And I'm docking your wages for this morning. Kelly looks to her mates for some support but gets none. Mike grins: "So it's sorted then!

Leanne is in the pub, and receives a text. She grins, puts her drink down and is just leaving when Danny and Frankie come in. Danny tells her that Frankie told him about the two of them meeting at the hotel and asks if she got the job. Leanne said no, because the man who interviewed her was the sort who undresses people with his eyes and was definitely married ("you know the type she says pointedly) and she has to go because she just had a text from Jamie letting her know he's back.

Keith comes into the pub and waves at Audrey, who is still sitting with Gail and Sarah. They tease her, and she tells them Keith isn't her type, even if she was looking, which she isn't. Sean, who is working behind the bar, tells Keith that he's sure Audrey, Sarah and Gail were just gossiping about either him or Keith. Betty hears this and says Sean is too old for Sarah and too young for Gail (has nobody told her yet?) and he'll probably be out with his friend Tim later chasing the girls.

Meanwhile (also in the Rovers) Dev tells Sunita that he's agreed to pay the asking price on the new house. She's delighted. Dev says all he needs now is to raise the deposit. At that moment Fred appears, and tells Dev he won't be making an offer for Streetcars. Lloyd, overhearing, mutters, "That's a blow. He tells Dev that the price he's offering is fair, and if they sell to him they can get their house. Dev agrees and they shake on it.

For some reason, Maria is doing paperwork in the Rovers. Nathan is sitting with her and saying he likes having her to himself, and he can't understand what she sees in Tyrone. At that moment, Tyrone rushes in, apologising for being late – he's been giving Fiz a lift to the kennels: "One of the dogs was ill and she wanted me to look at her. He goes to get the drinks in and Nathan gives Maria a meaningful wink.

Leanne is at home looking tense. She tells Jamie the story about going for the cocktail waitress job, and how she bumped into Frankie who thought she was up to something because she was all dressed up. She says she didn't take the job anyway, and he says it's a shame because he only wants what'll make her happy. Leanne tells him he's sweet, and she missed him. "You are the loveliest man. I'm just realising how lucky I am, she says.

Sue Haasler

Good evening/morning/afternoon [strike out as appropriate] wherever you are and welcome to another Friday night on the Street.

It's morning in the shop, where Frankie is buying some bottled water. It seems she's bought it for Sunita, who is due to have her 12-week scan today. Apparently the picture is clearer if you have a full bladder.

At the kennels, Tyrone is threatening to soak Fizz with water as he hoses out the kennels. Maria, also doing some cleaning out, isn't amused by their shenanigans and jokes about wet T-shirt contests, and warns Fizz that "If you flap your boobs at my man one more time, I will stick this brush down your big fat gob."

Vera has served Jack with what he describes as rabbit food, which he's sure will take him to an early grave. Vera scrapes the salad into the bin. "Now do you feel better - watching me throw away perfectly good food?" Jack's pleased once again that Vera's got all agitated and he's stayed calm. "If we carry on like this, we're going to live forever," he chuckles.

In the cafe, Tyrone is telling Nathan how pleased he was that Maria got angry. "Maria was so jealous. It was great!" He obviously spent far too long under the wing of Jack Duckworth, because he thinks this proves that Maria loves him, and reckons the way to keep her loving him will be to keep making her jealous! Nathan believes this about as much as I do. Jamie is talking in riddles and so is Roy. Jamie has asked Roy to do something, but Roy isn't keen on subterfuge. "If we're successful," Jamie tells him, "someone very close to both of us will be very, very happy!"

Back in the shop, Vera is admiring the sheet giving details of the house Sunita wants. Sarah and Scooter come in. It seems Sarah has asked him to keep her company since she'll be on her own when Sunita goes for her scan. She tells Sunita to make sure she drinks lots of water. Vera starts questioning them on their relationship, and delivers her own advice. "Don't get married. Don't propose. Don't buy any fancy engagement ring. 'Cause you know what marriage is? It's a life sentence in a prison called misery." (There must be a country and western song called that, surely?)

Norris is still playing dog in the manger over Emily. He's busy moving his lips in various contortions without saying anything. "You're talking rubbish!" accuses Freda. "How do you know?" he asks. "Because I have been a lip reader all my life, and you have only been talking rubbish for a few days - I hope!" Norris tells her that he mistrusts relatives who turn up out of the blue and asks if he's heard of Richard Hillman . . . "er, well, not 'heard' . . ." Freda says she has heard of Richard Hillman and wonders if Norris is saying she's a murderer, when there is a thump and a cry from the hallway. Norris rushes out to find Emily has missed a step as she carries down some laundry and has injured her ankle. Despite his love of a good drama, Norris finds time to point out to Freda that she wouldn't have been able to hear Emily fall and can't phone for an ambulance, so is pretty useless, really. "There's no need to shout," Freda tells him. "How do you know I'm shouting?" he asks. "Everyone knows you're shouting," Emily says. She tells him she'll be quite happy with a taxi to the hospital and there's no need to phone for an ambulance. "I knew this would happen!" Norris complains. "Invite a stranger into you home and it's chaos!"

Liz is walking in the park (yes, really) and sees Bob buying an ice-cream and giving it to another woman. It turns out to be his mother, who looks Liz up and down and wants to know if it's another of his tarts. "Where did he find you? In one of his smutty magazines?" she asks Liz. Bob tries to tell Liz that his mother's not right in the head, though Liz thinks she sounds reasonably sane. "Don't let him tell you I'm losing my marbles," his mum says. "He's a mucky little beggar - always has been."

Outside the factory, Danny brings some papers out to Mike, who is getting in his car ready for a business trip. They sort of make up, with Danny apologising for his behaviour and inviting Mike and Penny over for Sunday lunch.

Across the road, Norris shouts at Sunita that he can't find a taxi to take Emily to hospital. "It's that Freda's fault. She would insist on having clean sheets!" Dev pulls up with a screech of tyres and Sunita says they're going to the hospital. Next thing you know, it seems they've offered to give Norris, Emily and Freda a ride to the hospital. Norris tries to take charge and tells Dev that Emily should go in the front. Dev wants to get going, because they are already late for the scan appointment. Norris tries to get Freda to stay behind. He decides the back seat of the sports car wasn't built for three. "Then get out, Norris!" shouts Dev. What, and get left out of any hospital drama? Not likely. Norris decides to risk it. Poor Sunita, crammed between Norris and Freda, says: "I've drunk four litres of water in the last two hours. Can we go now?" Norris agrees. "This is an emergency. Emily could be developing a clot!" And a nation shouts: "There's one behind her!"

In the park, presumably the Red Rec, Bob is saying he only takes his mother out of the home when he thinks they won't meet anyone who knows him. He's worried Liz doesn't believe him. She's not sure, but she knows she won't get his mother's approval. "You and me both," Bob says.

Norris is telling Sunita he can't drink water. "No bladder control," he says. Sunita is saved from this conversation by Dev's phone ringing. Norris objects to Dev answering while he drives, so Emily finds out that it's Mr Hansen, the estate agent. Sunita asks for the phone, but Norris snatches it away, telling the agent that it's not a convenient time as they are taking an injured lady to hospital and Mrs Alahan has a full bladder! Dev wants to talk to Mr Hansen, but Norris says: "No, I can't allow that." Sunita finally gets her hands on the phone only to hear that they've been gazumped. (For the uninitiated, this is the horrific system of real estate sales in England where there usually isn't a binding contract until the money changes hands, meaning your offer can be accepted, but then if someone comes along with a higher offer, the seller is able to dump you and grab the new offer!)

Maria arrives at the garage to be told by Nathan that Tyrone is out on a test drive and could be back at any minute. This seems to spur her on and she starts to flirt with Nathan. He tells her he doesn't flirt unless he's serious. "If I was flirting with you, it would not be to make my boyfriend jealous," he says. Maria laughs that she certainly hopes not. He tells her not to play games and says he lied about Tyrone. Tyrone only just left when Maria arrived and he'll be ages yet. Nathan advances towards Maria and suddenly she wants to talk about cars. "We've plenty of time to get to know each other better," he says. Maria's bluff has been well and truly called.

Sunita sits down with a sigh of relief. She's just been to the loo. They missed their scan appointment after all that. Emily is wheeled back. It seems she has a nasty sprain and they are going to give her crutches. "I'll have a word with Rita," Norris says. "I'll arrange some time off. You're obviously going to need round-the-clock care." Emily looks as if she'd rather eat Jack Duckworth's socks. Freda offers to stay so she can help out and Emily leaps at the chance. Dev comes in. He's pulled some strings and managed to get them another scan appointment for later in the day. He plonks two bottles of water down in front of Sunita. "Get drinking!"

Back in the garage, Nathan thinks it's hot. He takes off his shirt and tells Maria it's much cooler down the back of the garage. Tyrone arrives and wants to know if Maria has been flirting with Nathan. And what's Nathan doing with his shirt off again? She points out that he was flirting with Fizz. They hug and make up.

Scooter is buying Sarah a drink in the Rovers, but first he has to borrow £10. Jack looks on approvingly. "Start as you mean to go on," he tells Scooter. "Keep their expectations low. That way they won't be disappointed." Scooter tells him what Vera's been saying about marriage and misery. "Low expectations," nods Jack. "Works a treat." Danny is telling Frankie about Jack's plan to stay calm while Vera gets upset, and how he has just turned the tables on Vera after she quoted that magazine article at him. Danny thinks it's a brilliant scheme.

Leanne arrives at the cafe and Roy is reluctant to let her in, even though Jamie has told her to meet him there. When she does get inside, it's to discover the cafe has been turned into their own little romantic restaurant for the night. Jamie has remembered it's their anniversary. One year ago they went to Leeds. Leanne points out that he was just giving her a lift to pick up her stuff, but he says it was her and him in the Transit van and they had dinner together. He had a pizza and she had a pastie. That counts as a date. Leanne bursts into tears. It's the nicest thing anyone's done for her. "I wouldn't have taken you for a softie," he says. They take their seats and Roy serves their meals: Sautéed beef wrapped in a pastry case, and sun dried tomatoes blended with mozarella and basil on a crispy dough base - pastie and pizza! "Play your cards right and I'll take you for a spin in the van later," Jamie promises his girl.

In the hospital, Sunita is lying back ready for the scan and Dev is fuming about being gazumped and losing the money they paid out on having the survey done (building inspection, to those of you in NZ). He wants to strangle the estate agent. The person doing the scan looks at the screen and does a little double take. Sunita is sure it means there's something wrong. But the person (radiographer? technician? nurse?) relaxes and points out that there are two heartbeats. It takes a second for Sunita to realise what this means. "You're having twins," she's told. Dev's excited screeches contrast with Sunita's alarmed expression. Dev kisses Sunita and probably wants to kiss the scan person, too. "Twins! How many boys?"

The End
Margaret Car

It's morning at the Baldwin residence, and Frankie is getting stressed because Danny has invited his family, aka Mike, Adam and Penny, over for dinner and the house is untidy. Danny takes his nose out of his newspaper and says he'll un-invite them. Frankie doesn't want him to do that though, she says the house has been too quiet since Warren left.

Over at the other Baldwin residence, Adam is obviously not keen to go to this family dinner and tells Mike they won't miss him. Mike tells him that he'll miss him, so reluctantly Adams says he'll go.

Mike wonders out loud to Penny how he can behave normally with Danny, pretending nothing's changed. 'How can I sit across the table, looking at my son, talking to a stranger?' he asks her.

Over at the corner shop, Dev is busy writing on a star shaped piece of card. Sunita asks what he's doing and is aghast when he shows her he's written: '2 for 1 on baby products!' 'I can't believe you're turning our babies into a promotion,' she whines. (But shops offer 2 for 1 all the time, does this mean they're all having twins?) She then reveals that she's worried about how she will cope after the babies arrive, especially as they've been gazumped on the house they wanted. Dev breezily assures her they'll find somewhere else, but Sunita isn't placated.

Shelley is examining her face in the mirror when Charlie comes in. She jumps round guiltily and smiles broadly at him. He tells her she looks sensational. (She looks just the same to me!) 'Do you really think so?' she asks nervously. He tells her it was worth every penny, and plants a kiss on her lips. She looks back at him, still nervous. He tells her he thinks he's just found his Shelley again, and will see her in the bar later.

Frankie comes into the corner shop and sympathies with Sunita over the loss of the house, but tells her that somewhere out there is a better house with their names on it. Sunita tells her she sounds just like Dev, and then confesses that she's carrying twins. She tells Frankie not to say congratulations, and Frankie says, 'Two for starters? You must be brickin' it!' Sunita says that she is pleased, but the thought of just one was daunting.

Betty goes upstairs to see Shelley, who tells her that she'll be back down in the bar later, for good. Betty tells her that the stove is not getting hot enough, it needs attention. As she goes to leave, Shelley pulls her back and points to her eyes. 'What do you think?' she asks her, 'can you see any improvement?' Betty tells her she's always been a beautiful young woman, but if it makes her happy. Shelley assures her that she's never been happier.

Maria and Tyrone are having lunch in the pub. Maria tells him she was up at half five, doing all the kennel chores and walking the dogs. Ty nearly chokes on his drink when he hears this, but she tells him she cares about doing a proper job, and she knows what it takes to be a proper kennel maid as she grew up there. She tells him that Fizz doesn't know anything about dogs, she feeds them like chickens and if it was left up to her the place would be run into the ground, and then what would it be worth?

Kelly is up at the bar, asking Sean if she'll go to town with him. He tells her he's working and suggests she asks Adam. Kelly tells him that when she dumps someone he stays dumped, and she does not go fishing round in t'bin. 'What about Lloyd?' asks Sean, but Kelly reckons he's a loser.

Charlie and Jason are playing darts, Jason wins but Charlie doesn't mind. 'You on a promise or summat?' asks Jason, and Charlie assures him it's more a racing certainty.

Sunita phones the lady who's house they wanted, and asks if she'd be prepared to consider a higher bid on the house.

Mike, Penny and Adam have arrived at Danny's house for the Baldwin family dinner. As Danny cracks the jokes they sit down at the table. 'Nice getting together like this, isn't it?' asks Mike, looking at Adam. 'Yeah,' murmurs Adam, not very convincingly. Leanne is sitting next to Danny, who's at the head of the table. She feels for his knee and he jumps up like he's been stung. 'I'd better go and see to that chicken,' he says, 'I don't want that bird getting overheated!'

In the taxi office, Dev is talking to Lloyd and polishing up a ring and putting it in a gift box, when Kelly comes in and asks for a cab into Manchester. Lloyd carries on talking to Dev, saying how he's going to enjoy taking over the cab firm. Kelly reckons it's all in his dreams, but Dev confirms it to be true. Kelly then thinks she should cancel her cab into town, and asks Lloyd if he'd like to go for the drink she turned him down for earlier. He tells her he's too busy, being a high-flyer. Dev asks if she still wants the cab, she says she does, and leaves with a sick look on her face.

Back at the Baldwin's, the meal is in full swing, and Frankie is getting rather inebriated. Danny refers to Mike as ‘Unc' and Penny says he shouldn't call him that, it makes Mike feel a hundred years old. 'What do you want me to call you?' asks Danny, and Mike reckons he's called him a lot of things lately. 'We're all family here,' says Frankie, swigging more wine, 'we all have our ups and downs,' (Leanne smirks), 'petty jealousies…..' and then tells Leanne there's something she has to tell her. This immediately wipes the grin off Leanne's face as she wonders what's coming. Frankie then confesses that when she saw her the other night at the hotel, she'd followed her, and Jamie is horrified. 'I can't believe you did that!' he says, and Frankie explains that she's trying to apologise, and she wants to make it up to Leanne. She says how she supported Candice, and all she did was drive her son away, she even let Candice live there. 'That's it!' she says, as it hits her, 'Why don't you come and live with us, move in with Jamie!'

Dev comes into the corner shop, with his hands behind his back, saying he has a surprise for the mum-to-be. Sunita tells him she's got one for him first, and tells him she's upped their offer, they've gazumped the gazumpers! Dev is absolutely furious! He says they could hardly afford it before, and now she's gone behind his back after all the grief she gave him. She tells him that this is the house they wanted their children to grow up in, and they can stretch to it. When he tells her that they can't, especially if interest rates go up. 'Sell a shop!' she tells him, flippantly. 'You're a provider, well provide!' He tells her that providing is not just a here and now, and he will not jeopardise the family's future for the sake of a crunchy driveway. He orders her to withdraw the offer.

Charlie goes up to see Shelley, who's is dressed to the nines, make up and all. 'You look incredible,' he tells her, 'why didn't you come down?' She says that when she'd finished getting ready she thought it was a bit much for lunch time, she can never seem to get it right. He tries to kiss her but she flinches and pulls back. He asks what's wrong, and she tells him she's been fooling herself, she doesn't look any different and all that's changed is that he's 2k down. He tells her that he loves her and right now wants her more than he ever has. He tries again to kiss her. She flinches again, and begs him not to touch her. He gets exasperated, but she tells him she just can't do ‘all that' knowing the way she looks. 'I don't want your pity Charlie,' she tells him, 'I want you to love me.' He tells her he does, but she tells him he can't, he's just saying that to make her feel better. He grabs her by the shoulders. 'There is nothing wrong with you!' he shouts, 'how many different ways can I say it and show it?' He tries again to kiss her, but she cringes and fights him off. He gets really cross then, saying he's given and given but gets nothing back, she's sorry for no-one but herself.

Over at the Baldwin's, Leanne is trying to politely refuse Frankie's offer to live there. Jamie tells her that when they do live together they want it to be in a place of their own. The subject gets around to Viv, and Frankie thinks she must be lonely. She suggests that Viv moves in with them for a bit. 'Give me strength,' mutters Danny. Mike goes out for a cigar.

Dev and Sunita have calmed down, and are apologising to each other, and he gives her the ring he bought her.

Frankie goes to see Mike outside and tells him she thought he seemed a bit uncomfortable. He says he seems to be out of words when he needs them most, with his sons.

Vera goes home and finds baskets of pigeons in her house – Jack is cleaning out his pigeon houses. Vera is exasperated and says she won't spend another minute in that house.

In the Baldwin house, Mike is proposing a toast to the Baldwin clan, when there's a knock at the door. It's Vera, she announces that she's left Jack for good!

End.

Annie Logan

Good evening one and all. Duncan is unable to bring you the updates for the next couple of weeks and I have been dug out from semi-retirement to bring you the glad tidings from the Street, the original of which is copyright ITV TV.

Having been away for the weekend it was a shock for me to find Vera in the (Danny and Frankie) Baldwin household. Apparently she has left Jack, which given their recent relationship is not a complete surprise. Danny also tells Frankie off for giving Vera the article on how to get a man in line in the first place.

Shelley (with hardly a change to her face) is pulling beer up clean pipes and asks Charlie to do the banking. He tells her to do it herself. And carries on reading page 3 of the "newspaper" making reference to the enhanced assets to be found there. She admits the surgery was a waste of time. He tells her to go and see a head doctor. She asks him to let Betty in as she knocks and says that until he starts paying rent he can do odd jobs.

Freda wants to take Emily for a drink but Norris observes so loudly that this is a bad idea that he manages to convince Emily that it is precisely what she wants to do! Freda thanks him for his help in getting Emily to change her mind.

Gail (who after Richard Hillman said she would never see another man, but has apparently suffered complete memory loss) is laying on the makeup and telling R'Audrey about the new reflexologist at the health clinic (I thought she worked at the local GP centre - our GP does not have a resident reflexologist - has CS moved into a parallel universe). Anyway apparently he is quite a dreamboat, not that she fancies him of course.

Over the road Eileen arrives home to tell the twins and Sean that she has just bumped into a divine man whom she fancies rotten and they had a brief discussion before he went into the health centre. Sean starts talking about Tim so the twins ask Eileen about the man's car.

Bob wants to take pictures of Liz in the style of a famous photographer. She explains this first to Ken and later to Bev where they look at some of the possibilities suggested by Ken. Nothing wrong with a little bit of flesh tastefully shown observes Liz (she should know).

Jack arrives at the Kabin with Diggory and orders his tea as Vera is cooking. He asks where she spent the night, Frankie tells him that Vera is not talking to him - Jack is happy so long as she keeps cooking. Vera bends a soup ladle handle in half she is so angry and then storms around to the front of the counter when hearing Jack invite Keith on a pub crawl. She rages at him and tells him she will feel better when he is out of her life and departs in high dudgeon.

Gail is buying a drink when Audrey arrives - including a pint of bitter - just a friendly drink for the new workmate says Gail coquettishly. On the other side of the bar Eileen is still regretting that she did not do more than have a brief chat with the new man she spotted, until surprise, surprise a man walks into the Rovers and Gail summons him to her side with a "Phil over here". He is immediately introduced and starts trying to charm Audrey (always stay the right side of the ma-in-law). Eileen gets the ugly face on. Phil and Gail discuss his work and then Gail goes to the bar for another drink whilst he takes a phone call. Sean and the twins reveal to Gail that Eileen fancies the pants of the new arrival and Gail decides that although none of her husbands have ever touched her feet and having turned down his offer of a free treatment only seconds before she will now submit to his tender ministrations. (No doubt Eileen and Gail will have another tussle at some point).

Elsewhere in the Rovers a skinny brunette walks very close to Charlie. Sadly he fancies slightly overweight blondes, or not - as he admits to Todd clearly the brunette is available and there is no action upstairs, so he will take what he can get.

Freda has been lip reading both Charlie and Kelly's conversations (the latter is off to get her hands on the wonderful Lloyd (the wonderful Craig Charles by the way is in my view playing a blinder and not a single smeg to his character) and hints to Emily and Norris that someone will be unfaithful to their partner - but refuses to repeat it in polite company. Gossip Norris cannot believe that she will not gossip.

Bob collects Liz from work and takes her off for the photographic session. Sadly it was not the glamorous Cecil Beaton type photos - Helmut Newton was more what he had in mind and he tries to get Liz to co-operate - well after a bottle of wine Liz will do most things. Anyway he has a small accessory - he would rather like Liz to wear - a saddle (I think http://www.designboom.com/history/helmutnewton.html (second picture) is what Bob has in mind). Liz is shocked.

Back at the Rovers Charlie has told Shelley he is having a lock in and having made sure she is upstairs for the night he returns downstairs to the Brunette - just the two of them. His music, a selection of malt whiskies to try and the run of the pub - and the serious business as he starts kissing the brunette. Shelley is a few feet away upstairs on her own.

K Richard W

Charlie is kissing the girl, and her hand hits a glass and it smashes. He suggests they go some were more comfortable. The girl says upstairs but is told they will wake the landlady. She then asks about the glass, Charlie say's he'll get it later and they go to the back room.

Shelley is still awake. She looks at the time and turns in her bed.

Liz is getting all her stuff together while phoning for a taxi. Bob is trying to convince her he was doing nothing wrong and thinks she's a sexy woman. Liz shouts saying he thinks she's a cheap common tart. She tells him she's going to wait out side and he better not look at her through the window.

Sean is with Tim and they are getting on very well. Sean suggests they go out. A man approaches them. Tim says its just dinner and Sean quickly says its not. Lee shouts at Tim, saying he hopes his friend has an extra bed because the locks are going to be changed. Sean says to Tim, he through he was single. Tim runs after him. Sean is gutted and puts his hands over his face.

Shelley still in bed looks at the time again.

Emily tells Norris to stop yawning and go to bed. Norris insists he is waiting for her so he can walk behind her and help her. Emily says she has help. Norris finally goes. Emily tells Freda that he is making her feel like a frail old lady. She then says she had an old friend stay with her that died. She let him stay because she was thinking who'd be there to look after her when it was her turn. Freda thinks she's lonely but is correct, she then says she feels lonely.

Shelley has finally come down. She hears a woman squeak, then laughing. She continues to listen in horror.

Liz is at Bev's telling her what Bob wanted her to do with the saddle. Bev is shocked and says she once posed node for a guy that was going the seven ages of woman. She was number 5. Liz says the other thing that upset her was Bob was so kind and not like Jim and because she felt so stupid. Her mobile goes off. Bev tells her to get Bob to come hear. Liz on the phone says he has 5 minutes.

Shelley picks up a bit of the broke glass and sees lip stick on it. Charlie from the back room is saying he is taking this so she can't put is back on or go anywhere. He has taken the girls top. Shelley confronts him and asks who she is. He says he does not know and does not care. The girl takes her top and leaves. Shelley asks why but Charlie just walks away.

Sean is telling Violet and Eileen about Tim two timing him. Sean thinks he shout text him back and met him. Both of them shout no. Sean finally texts him and puts wont meet you sorry. Violet says delete sorry. He does and sends the text.

Emily is showing wedding photos to Freda. Emily starts to go into ‘the what if' situation and says she really misses him. She looks at the old men out there and wonders what he would have been like. Emily is tearful and Freda gets a tissue. Emily thinks, maybe she is lonely. Norris enters and makes a cocoa.

At street cabs Janice is drunk and being horrible to the punters. Lloyd says she has to get off, she does and goes so Kelly and him can be alone. Kelly goes on the switch thinking she can stay with Lloyd. After she does Lloyd had a fair to do. She huffs and someone phones. She is nasty to them until she finds out its Lloyd and then he just appears.

Back room of the Rovers. Shelley asks Charlie that every time he's been working late and when his mobile is off, has he been cheating on her. He tells her no and says it was on offer. Charlie then says there's been very little on offer anywhere else. She thinks he was going to do this soon. Charlie says she drove him to this

Emily has fallen asleep and Norris rips into Freda. He says she came and Emily is limping, weeping and tired. Freda says she only just found Emily. Norris can't say any more as Emily starts to wake up.

Bob has arrived at Bev's. He wants to talk to Liz alone but Bev says she wants to hear about his hobby. Bob wants to forget about it and he says he appreciate a woman's body. Bev thinks he has pornography on his computer. They tell him they have called the police and they are looking in his house right now. They tell him just to go. Liz is glad he gave him self-away.

Charlie turns it all around and balms it on her. Shelley says he's done his mistake and won't do it again as she realizes he still loves her. She says she will get help when he says he won't be turned into someone he does not recognize. He goes up stairs. Shelley is begging Charlie not to go and holds onto his bag saying on one is out and the yard is not a comfortable place to sleep. He tells her that's why he's not leaving tonight and get in the bed. Shelley says she loves him and asks him to marry her. He says that's not a proposal its blackmail.

Amanda Souter

We open in Shelley's bedroom, Charlie is packing as she sits on the end of the bed, looking dazed. He leaves, without a word being spoken.

Over at the Duckworth's, Tyrone is wearing Vera's pinny and trying to clear up after Jack, who is sitting nursing a pigeon. Tyrone is worried about whoopsies on the table cloth, but Jack assures him that isn't going to happen. Tyrone suddenly stops short, he hears himself sounding just like Vera.

Vera meanwhile, is over at the Baldwin's, and Frankie hands her a cup of tea while Danny is putting his tie on a getting ready for work. She tells them they must say if she's outstaying her welcome. 'You're outstaying your welcome!' says Danny, immediately, but Frankie tells her that Danny doesn't mean it and she can stay as long as she wants. Danny is clearly worried at the thought of having Vera as a permanent lodger, and says she'll have to go home eventually, but Vera assures him that she and Jack are finished, her mother was right, she always said it wouldn't last. Danny points out that they have been together 47 years, and Jack is a real rough diamond who thinks the world of her. Vera isn't convinced.

Over above the Rovers, Shelley is still not dressed and not looking very happy. She tries to phone Charlie, but just gets his voice mail.

Over at the builder's yard, the object of her affections, Charlie, is tearing Jason off a strip for being late. Jason works out that all is not well between his boss and Shelley. Charlie's phone then bleeps, Shelley has left him a message, but he doesn't bother to read it.

Lloyd runs into Kelly outside the café, and tells her that he can't take her out that evening, he's remembered that he has a prior engagement, a darts match. Kelly is not impressed and struts off in a huff.

Over at Emily's house, she is hoping for a drive out to the coast. Norris says she shouldn't risk it with her bad ankle (this is life threatening?) but Emily tells him she wasn't planning on sprinting there, and anyway, she was talking to Freda. Freda says she thinks she ought to go home, and nothing Emily can say can persuade Freda to stay. Emily is convinced that Norris has said something to make her want to go, although Freda promises that she will be back soon.

Over at the Rovers, Shelley puts her raincoat on and ventures out of the back door with a certain amount of trepidation. She steps out into the back alley and comes face to face with the dustmen emptying the bins. ''Allo there luv,' says one of them, cheerfully, but all this is too much for Shelley and she scuttles back indoors like a frightened rabbit.

Emily is waiting with Freda at the bus stop, and saying she wishes she would stay longer. She tells Freda that Norris's motives for wanting her to go are entirely selfish.

Kevin and Sally are at the garage, looking at the state of their finances. Kevin points out that there is no way they will be able to afford two sets of school fees, they can't even afford one. Kevin reckons that it won't be fair to send just one daughter to a private school and not the other, so he thinks they should send Rosie back to Weatherfield Comp. Sally will not hear of it, 'Rosie's place at Oakhill is non-negotiable,' she tells him firmly.

Vera is still at Frankie and Danny's house. She's worried about damaging their marriage, but Frankie assures her that she and Danny are fine. Vera is upset, so Frankie advises her to make the first move and go home. Vera tells her she's not completely useless, she could start again, get a little caretaking job. She reckons Jack is in for a shock.

Emily is in the Kabin, and Rita tells her it's lovely to see her on her feet again. Norris mutters that he doesn't think it's wise, she might have a relapse. Emily gets really cross with him, telling him he's not her nurse. She is furious that he has spent most of the last week trying to drive away her niece. Norris says he was trying to protect her, and Emily spits at him that if she wants protection she'll buy a guard dog.

Danny goes into the pub and sees Jack, and then spends several minutes trying to persuade him to get back with Vera. Jack is adamant that he will not do it.

Eileen goes into the Health Centre and just happens to run into the new reflexologist who just happens to be putting up a poster in the reception area. She chats coyly to him for a few minutes, 'Can you do anything about negative chi....err.....chie?' she asks, as Gail watches, seething, behind her reception desk. He suggests she makes an appointment to see him, and so Eileen goes to ask Gail for an appointment. Gail tells her that he's fully booked for Friday, and the Friday after that and the one after that too. 'When can I see him?' asks Eileen, somewhat exasperated. 'January's looking good,' Gail says.

Over at the builder's yard, Charlie sends Jason to get refreshments, and then gets his phone out of his pocket. He dials Shelley, but when she answers he hangs up.

Outside the Baldwin's, Danny finds Frankie putting Vera in a taxi, she's leaving to go and live in Southport. Danny knocks on Jack's door, and when he answers tells him that Vera is going and he might never see her again. Jack tells her to let him know her new address and he'll send her post on. Vera tells the taxi to take her to the station.

Lloyd walks into the pub and presents Kelly with a bunch of flowers. He says the darts match is a tournament and he can't let his mates down, but tomorrow will take her to The Clock for dinner. Eventually she takes the flowers, but obviously tries to play hard to get, (must be a first!) and says she'll check her diary and get back to him.

Rita and Norris come in and see Emily sitting on her own reading a book. Rita urges him to go over and apologise. Norris says he can't think he's got anything to apologise for (typical!), but Rita almost shoves him in Emily's direction, saying 'Just do it!' He approaches her cautiously, and begins by saying there has been a misunderstanding, and how he thought it was a great strain on her having Freda around. She tells him it's a great strain having him around, and if this is meant to be an apology then it's pretty pathetic.

Kevin and Sally sit Sophie down and tell her that they don't think it's possible for her to go to the same school as her sister. Sophie is greatly relieved, she says that Oakhill is full of freaks. She then rather shrewdly points out that as they'll be saving thousands of pounds every year by not sending her there, it's only fair that some of that money comes her way.

Charlie takes his bag back into Shelley's room. He tells her he had to make sure she hadn't done anything stupid.

Over at the Duckworth's, Jack is trying to get Tyrone to go out with him that evening, but Ty tells him that he and Maria are going clubbing and it's not his scene. 'If you think that now Vera's gone, you and me will be out on the lash every night, you can forget it,' he tells him. Tyrone can't believe Jack didn't try to stop Vera from going. Jack is convinced that Vera will be back, and if she isn't then there's plenty more fish in the sea. Tyrone asks him what he's got to offer a woman.

Shelley and Charlie are making up. Shelley tells him that she is so, so sorry that she drove him to it last night. (Presumably she means the fling with the floozy in the pub?) He graciously accepts her apology and she tells him for the umpteenth time that she will try to make things better. She whimpers that things will be different, she can change, she knows she can. Eventually he agrees to give it another go, but only on the condition that she gets herself proper professional help. She promises that she will, and that everything will be fine now.

Haven't we heard all this before?

End.

Annie Logan

Anyway, we open at the Duckworths' . . . well, one Duckworth's, anyway. Jack is making a cuppa and Tyrone is moaning on about the state of the place. Jack says time flies when you're having fun, but Tyrone doesn't believe Jack is having fun. "Admit it, Duckworth," he says, "You miss her." Jack tells him it's Black Friday -- their wedding anniversary of 48 years. "Forty-eight years I've put up with the nagging and the aggravation. He says he must be barmy, but "Yes, I miss her." Tyrone beams at him. "That's love, you see," he tells Jack. "Oh, give over," Jack replies. "She's a habit, like smoking. You know it's doing you no damn good and it's costing you a flaming fortune. And once upon a time you enjoyed it, but now you just do it. You try your best to give it up . . . I'm telling you, Tyrone, even though it makes your eyes water, everybody needs a drag in their life and mine's Vera."

That very Vera is sitting on a bench at a beach resort, surrounded by holiday makers having fun. She's weeping.

Sophie is skipping in the street when Chesney trips her. He can't understand what she's doing. Girls are not supposed to skip. "It's for men -- boxers and stuff," he tells her. Obviously I am much older and more out of touch than I thought. Sophie tells him her mother found the skipping rope in a box of stuff from the olden days and said she was sick of Sophie saying she had nothing to do. The conversation turns to trainers and they discuss the coolest brands. Both have parents who say they can't afford new trainers, but Sophie tells Chesney she guarantees she can get a new pair.

Shelley, surprise, surprise, is in her room. Charlie can't understand why she's not getting dressed. He's made an appointment for her at the health centre and she's going, even if he has to carry her.

Kevin stops Eileen to give her some invoices for Streetcars, and it gives her a chance to walk towards the health centre with the new reflexologist, Phil, who has called to book his car in for its MOT. She tells him he must being doing all right if his appointment book is full, but he says he does have some gaps in his schedule. Does this mean Gail fibbed? Surely not! In fact, Phil even does house calls. He's going to Gail's tonight. In that case, says Eileen, "When you've seen to her, any chance of squeezing me in?"

Gail, unaware that her plans for the evening have already been undermined, is making plans. She wants her mum to look after the kids. She hopes some food and a little wine will encourage him to take an interest in her. Audrey tells her: "Encouragement is one thing, but don't rush things. Men like to make the first move." All except Keith Appleyard, she admits. She tells Gail she's not really interested in Keith, but it would be nice to be asked.

At the Websters', Sally is preparing to go into town to get a new blazer for Rosie. Sophie starts in with the emotional blackmail. It's always nothing but the best for Rosie. "Rosie's your favourite and always will be." Rosie gets new things and she can't even get new trainers. Once she's slammed out the door, Sally says she feels awful now. "And that's just how she wants you to feel," Kev points out.

Frankie calls in at the Duckworths' and is appalled by the state of the place. "Jack, you've got to do something." Jack says Vera will come back when she's ready. "And if she doesn't?" Then Jack will bring his pigeons back from their yard to his own, he tells Frankie. It turns out he's already rung the Hortons in Blackpool, but they've not seen Vera. Frankie is sure Vera said she was going to Southport, but Jack can't see why she would go there. "Unless. . ." He won't tell Frankie what he's just thought of. She tells him all he had to do was ask Vera not to go. "I know, but I've never been very good at begging," he says.

Keith is in the shop when Audrey comes in. She starts some banter with him and asks about his shopping, "Just for yourself, or were you thinking of inviting someone for tea?" No, it's for him and Craig. "Do you never dine out at all?" No, he doesn't like eating on his own. "No, no, you do need company," she hints. But Keith blithely wanders off with his shopping. Audrey can't understand it. "Considering he's supposed to fancy me, that man can be very hard work," she tells Sarah.

Sally is in the doctor's surgery. Despite Charlie's urging, the doctor is reluctant to put a label on what's wrong with Shelley. She says she will give her anti-depressants and refer her to a therapist. Shelley should be able to get an appointment in four or five weeks. "Five weeks?!" asks Charlie. "Till then she's just got to put up with it?" The doctor says there is a waiting list.

In Southport, Jack surprises Vera by finding her. He tells her he hasn't slept since she left and has been in Blackpool, walking his feet off. He thought he'd found her in the house of horrors, but it was a look-alike. "Have you come all this way to insult me?" she asks. "Well, you can get stuff, because I'm not speaking to you." "Why don't you come home and not speak to me there?" asks Jack. "That'll make us both happy."

Kevin and Sally ask Sophie if she wants to wants to see the stuff they've bought Rosie. There's a blazer and trainers. . . "I'm the one who needs new trainers," Sophie snaps at them. They know. Would she like to try them on? Now this is where the scriptwriters go wrong. What teenager would accept a pair of trainers bought by their parents without any detailed specifications about what's cool and what's not? Any self-respecting teen is duty-bound to hate parent-chosen trainers just on principle! However, once Sophie's put them on, she off out the door. "I promised to show Chesney my new trainers when I got them," she tells her parents smugly.

Gail is settled on the sofa with Phil working on her feet. Sarah and Scooter come in, but they're sent away. Phil tells Gail that she's mentioned she hasn't been sleeping. He might be able to do something about that. "Oh, blisssss," sighs Gail.

In Southport, Vera tells Jack she's been sitting thinking about doing away with herself. She was thinking of just walking into the sea and keeping on going. Jack looks out over the eternal sands that are Southport at low tide. "That's a hell of a long walk," he says. "You'd better start now." She accuses him of never showing her any love or support. "At my time of life I'm not going to start talking all mushy, am I?" he points out. He wonders why she came to Southport, but she says he'd never understand. "I wouldn't bet on it," he says, telling Vera that Southport was where they went for a dirty weekend before they were married. She thought they wouldn't know anyone there. Vera is surprised he remembers that. After all, it was 49 years ago. "Of course I remember, my little swamp duck. That's the nearest we ever got to having a honeymoon."

Phil is trying to tip-toe out without waking the sound-asleep Gail. She wakes up and suggests he stay and have something to eat. Phil points out that there was a slight smell of burning and he's had to turn down the oven. "I've got to go. I've got another patient waiting. But if you were to invite me again sometime . . ." Gail says that if he's got a patient waiting she understands. "I'll see you out. She does just that and watches as he walks over to his car, then right past it and into Eileen's open door! The government is now trying to find out how to harness the destructive energy concentrated in the look Gail gives Eileen.

In the Rovers, Audrey and Keith strike up another conversation. She ignores her own advice to Gail and asks him out. He says he was going to ask her. "Well, why didn't you?" she demands, saying he must think she's very forward. Keith says she's a good blunt, no-nonsense woman. "I think the words you're struggling with, Keith, are 'admirably direct'," Audrey corrects him.

"Whatever you're doing, it's doing me a lot of good," Eileen tells Phil as he works. He says she's got very unusual feet, very responsive, and thinks she must be good at dancing. She suggests they make her treatments a regular thing. Phil agrees it's a good idea. "I would be extremely sorry to say goodbye to a pair of feet like yours," he says.

In Southport, Jack and Vera have gone for a coffee together. They are reminiscing about the awful boarding house they stayed in 49 years ago, and the old mattress that meant they rolled into the middle, though neither was complaining. Vera says 48 years is a long time. "What say we see if we can crack the 50," Jack asks. Vera agrees. "I'm game if you are." Jack suggests they go home. "Unless we see if that boarding house is still there," he murmurs. It is. Vera's walked past it. Laughing, they go off hand in hand to see if the same mattress is still here.

The End
Margaret Carr

It's morning in the Street and Gail is peering out through her net curtains, horrified to find that Phil's car has been outside Eileen's house all night.

Jack and Vera are in the Kabin, Vera is buying Jack a box of chocolates as an anniversary present. When they've gone Rita tells Norris that he might have ended up like Jack. Norris doesn't think that would be so bad, he's got a house, a wife (albeit Vera) and grandchildren. Rita says she's had enough of Norris's complaining, and goes off upstairs for a rest.

Eileen and Sean are enjoying a cuppa while she tells him all about her foot massage, given by Phil, who then left, "Professional to a tee, more's the pity!" says Eileen. Jason comes in then, who jumps to the conclusion that because Phil's car is still outside he must have stayed the night. Eileen doesn't disillusion her son, who is disgusted at his mother's behaviour, at her age. He storms out and Eileen then explains to Sean that Phil's car is outside because Kevin is going to give it an MOT.

Jason goes over to the Kabin to buy a paper, and is accosted by Gail who makes snide remarks about his mother throwing herself at a pervert with a foot fetish. Jason tells Gail that he thinks it's disgusting the way Eileen was boasting about how little sleep she got. "It's disgusting!" repeats Jason, and storms out, just as Blanche walks in. Norris, of course, is all ears. "Has Eileen had a man stay overnight?" he asks Gail, who gives him a withering look and walks out. Norris tries to engage Blanche in all the gossip, but doesn't know enough of the details for Blanche's liking.

Norris then asks Blanche to hold the fort, he's desperate for the toilet and Rita is still upstairs. Blanche agrees, reluctantly, and Norris goes off upstairs. He finds Rita slumped on the sofa, and is horrified. Convinced she is dead he rushes off downstairs again, distraught.

Downstairs in the shop, Blanche is trying to serve Sally who wants envelopes and Jack who wants to return the chocolates and have the money, there's a horse he fancies running this afternoon. Norris walks in, dazed and stunned. He tells them that he's found Rita on the sofa, dead. The three of them are all also stunned, although Sally does say that perhaps they should phone for an ambulance. "I know a dead person when I see one," snaps Norris, and suggests they go up and look for themselves.

Keith has arrived at the salon to take Audrey out for lunch. She's lighthearted and giggly until she finds that he intends to take her to the Rovers.

Back at Rita's flat, the intrepid four are tiptoeing down the hall. They peer round the doorway and see Rita's arm hanging over the arm of the sofa. No-one wants to go in, until Blanche takes the lead, and they all stand around Rita, saying how she is at peace now. At that point Rita opens her eyes and frightens the life out of the three of them. She is not dead at all, she was only sleeping.

Over at the Rovers, Audrey is obviously not enjoying her date with Keith and has lost her appetite.

Eileen walks in and sees Phil at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, and they fall into conversation. She gleans that he is single, and chuckles and tells him that makes two of them.

Over at the Kabin Norris is wondering what he would have done if Rita had really died, as he would be out of a job. Rita's attitude is flippant, and Norris is horrified that she doesn't care for him as much as he cares for her. He realises that he doesn't have much future, he's in a job with no security and sleeping in a bed he could lose at the drop of a hat. He suggests a partnership in the business, but Rita won't hear of it.

Gail and Sarah walk into the pub, and see Phil talking to Eileen. Sarah thinks maybe they should go but Gail won't be driven out of her local, and walks to the other end of the bar. Phil looks up and sees her and smiles, but Gail gives him a filthy look and turns her back. Eileen tells him it's her age, HRT and all that. Sean asks Gail what she wants to drink and after she orders she asks Sean, coyly, if Eileen enjoyed her foot massage. "Enjoyed it? I don't think she's come back down to earth!" he tells her. Sarah can't understand why her mother is so bothered, and Gail confesses that she wants some fun and attention and Phil is the most fanciable man that's been around for ages.

Blanche and Vera are sitting in the corner, scrutinising everyone, mainly Audrey and Keith. Audrey confesses to Keith that when he asked her out for lunch she wasn't expecting the Rovers, she goes there nearly every day anyway, and she doesn't like living her life in a goldfish bowl. He confides that he thought she would give him the brush off, she's way out of his league, she's stylish and classy. That cheers Audrey up no end and she pokes her tongue out at the nosey pair.

Phil finishes his drink and takes his leave of Eileen, calling out "Bye Gail," as he goes, but she ignores him.

Audrey is now feeling far more charitable towards Keith and promises a second date, providing she can do something about his hair.

Eileen and Gail then indulge in a slanging match across the bar, until Eileen tells her that the only thing a man wants to do with her is drive her into the canal. There's a shocked pause, until Gail gets second wind and continues the argument, as Sean, Blanche and Vera look on in delight. Eventually Audrey gets up and drags Gail away. "I saw Phil first," Gail tells Sarah, "if she wants him she's got a fight on her hands, and if she wants to fight dirty, so much the better."

End.

Annie Logan

Sick note Shelley is unwell (still). So (proper) Charlie offers to pay for a therapist who will turn up at midday. I don't know about soap characters - but I wait longer to see my own doctor than it takes them to get a specialist. Zack when he arrives has a rather well known face and starts talking to Shelley but has a great deal of difficulty in getting Charlie (who just the other day could not wait to leave) out of the bedroom which Shelley simply will not leave. So Charlie goes downstairs and moans at length to Jason about how they are bound to be talking about him upstairs. (Hint - this storyline seems as likely as Nirab). And as Charlie observes how can you actually know that a therapist is actually any good - he might be as mad as most of his patients and incapable of treating them. I really warm to Charlie some evenings in the sense that I would prefer he went to the devil.

Never mind we have the hilarity of the foot doctor and the twin blondes (Gail and Eileen) who have both got it into their heads that they fancy him (I reckon Seam would have a better chance myself). Anyway Sean makes a booking for the wonderful Phil after work and then arranges for Eileen to be in whilst both he and Violet are out. Eileen can therefore charm him in the usual way.

Gail on the other hand decides that there cannot be all this smoke without fire and decides to advise Donald, not the duck, but the practice manager. Audrey for some reason best known to herself is actually looking for Keith and having tracked him down books him into the salon for a haircut. And it is a good day for a haircut, Jamie who really needs one fails to get clipped but Adam thinks it is bound to help him pass his driving test (as if!) and gets shorn by Candice who makes it quite clear that she considers him quite unattractive (silly shallow girl as usual). After the trim he looks like he still needs a haircut.

Danny is away and Mike observing his grandson Jamie at the bar admits that he wishes he could acknowledge the relationship and could slip him a few quid (as if - Mike a philanthropist?). Anyway Mike later tells Jamie how proud Danny is of Jamie - even when he is being told off. Jamie finds it hard to believe but Mike reminds him that parents always love their children.

Keith invites R'Audrey for dinner at 5:15 - precisely - after all he always eats at that time. R'Audrey looks bemused.

But wait a moment there are real laughs over at the Kabin where Norris is looking through the situations vacant, particularly eyeing the jobs with a pension scheme and announcing that he plans a return to the stationery industry, the scene of his greatest triumphs (hard to believe really), seeing as how Rita will do nothing to guarantee his future through allowing him to become a partner or purchase a part share in the business or similar (would you?). Eventually he asks Rita to write him a reference.

Gail fails to get Donald (not Trump either) to see sense. Apparently there is nothing wrong with a reflexologist having an affair with a patient of the practice. So off you all go and have affairs with your local reflexologist!

Zack talks to Shelley about things they might achieve - like her emptying her own rubbish bin when there are people in the Rovers and he will come back later with some relaxation tapes. Downstairs he is intercepted by Charlie (who interrupted the session upstairs with a crass excuse about needing some keys). Charlie asks Zack what they discussed - no answer or what they said about him - to which Zack responds that Shelley commented very positively on the support provided by Charlie. Charlie simply does not believe the truth.

And in part 2

Kelly arrives wearing the usual belt at the cab office and gets confirmation that Lloyd does in fact own half of the business and clearly she is now more interested.

Charlie wants to know if Shelley is cured or is it just a load of mumbo-jumbo. He asks Shelley what they said about him. Shelley confirms it precisely as Zack had said and Charlie merely accuses her of getting her story right!

Rita delivers the sealed reference to Norris and suggests that she needs proper notice - say two weeks? And can she start advertising for his replacements. Norris, who has not applied for anything considers this a bit sudden. (And as Rita observed earlier to Mike, Norris is 65 and there are few employers likely to consider him at all).

Audrey hears Candice observe that Adam is a nerd. But Audrey points out that as Mike's son there is every chance that one day he will inherit at least part of the factory. Money, Candice's favourite word (almost) and lots of it. Honestly the girl really should be blonde.

Phil arrives at Eileen's to see Sean and Gail observes the welcome he receives. She decides something must be done and storms over to see Donald again. Phil's appointment was with Sean, not Eileen, therefore Phil has lied (whoops - he has been misled) and that is recorded on the computer system - so it is effectively a lie. Donald agrees to discuss with Phil the next day (suddenly he there every day instead of the original one day per week). Anyway if Gail only knew what Eileen was saying to Phil. As he treats her she tells him all anyone could ever want to know about Gail who hides behind her hair smiles sweetly and seduces serial murderers - you do know about Richard Hillman I assume? Phil finds it hard to believe that even butter would melt in Gail's mouth!

Charlie has another go at Zack to Jason and decides that he will sack him - especially when he finds out that he is coming back with some relaxation tapes.

Norris has now managed to read the reference letter and finds it unacceptable, so drafts an improved version which he gets Rita to sign with some much stronger recommendations of his capabilities and ignoring his proboscis which is usually stuck in matters which do not concern him!

When Zack arrives Charlie is in the gents and so Zack slips upstairs and delivers the tapes. Shelley is so "up" for once that she decides that she will take the rubbish out now and marches downstairs meeting Charlie on his way up. The stair carpet is now completely worn out as Zack follows her down. She goes out into the yard empties the bin and brings it back in. Faced with an apparent improvement in Shelley the ground is cut from under Charlie's feet and he cannot sack Zack.

And in a rather large nutshell that was Monday evening.

K Richard W

Written by: Chris Parker
Directed by: Neil Alderton

Eileen is in the cab office being hassled from all sides. Les wants extra shifts to pay for his wedding spends, and Lloyd (on the radio) wants to knock off early so he can get ready for his hot date. She's refusing both of them, but Les gets on the radio and tells Lloyd that he'll step in, if Lloyd gives him his extra shifts. The new boss agrees, but Eileen reckons that Les would have them bankrupt in no time if he was doing the cab control, so she says she'll do it. Gail comes into the cab office to get a taxi to the nursery (is that for Bethany? Thought she was already at school?). Eileen tells Gail that if she sees Phil could she thank him for her session the night before. "His hands took me to places that neither of us expected to go," she tells a less-than-thrilled Gail, who tells Eileen she should go and see Phil who might be just as keen to talk to her. Gail goes out and Eileen mutters, "She's up to summat."

Charlie slides sideways into Shelley's bedroom giving one of his trademark grunty coughs. She's busy writing a list of all the things she wants to achieve ("shopping is one of them"), for Zack. She's so engrossed in this task that she virtually ignores Charlie, despite his constant throat-clearing, so he slides back out again.

Adam is about to take his driving test, and is being supported by Mike and Ken, in their own different ways. "Have you got any cures for nerves?" Adam asks. Ken says if he did, he'd be bottling it, to which Mike replies that they already do, and it's called single malt. Candice comes over and offers moral support in the form of her lucky teddy bear. She wants to know if Adam gets to drive Mike's flash car if he passes his test. Mike says he already does, and the material girl is clearly pleased by that knowledge and tells him she has everything crossed for him.

Chesney and Les are discussing popular recording artist Kenny Rogers. "Is he the one off the fish finger adverts?" Chesney wonders. Les is using Kenny as a medium for educating Chesney in the ways of fighting like a man, though Chesney says his natural inclination is to "turn the other cheek." I have to pause here to mention that Les's treatment of vinyl recordings is appalling – fingers all over the grooves (which observation only serves to show my age!). "Do you want to be known as the coward of the county?" Les says to his young protégé. Yana and Cilla come in, in search of refreshment and a wash before they go for their dress fittings. Yana asks for Les's advice about which of two dresses would have him "gagging to unzip me," but Chesney tells her that's inappropriate because "he's nearly me dad and he'd never go for you anyway – you're too white. He likes women to have a healthy glow, like me mam." Cilla looks delighted that the hours spent on the electric beach have paid off.

Keith is ruminating about his beetroot in the garden – but The Lovely Craig points out he's wearing a suit while doing it, because he's dining with Audrey later. In fact the table's booked for 5.15 (which Craig thinks is a tad early). Then Keith goes on to muse about how women's hosiery – and more specifically, tights – brings back memories for him (as substitute fan belts, nets for tadpoles etc etc): "It's been a long time since I had me hands on a good pair of 10 denier." Craig is appalled – he thinks that Keith has plans to get his hands on Audrey's tights. "You mind your salty tongue!" Keith reprimands him. "I need them to store me onions in!"

Phil the foot-fumbler knocks on Gail's door, furious that he's been reprimanded by the practice manager about Eileen. "What's any of this got to do with you?" he shouts at her, "You're just a receptionist!" (Ooh, that's telling her). "We all saw you left your car outside Eileen's all night," she defends herself. "And that means I stayed the night? What planet are you on?" He says Eileen is just a client and nothing happened. He says that when he first met Gail he thought she was a lovely woman and wanted to get to know her, but now she's stabbed him in the back. He makes it quite clear that she's missed her chance with him.

Candice and Sarah are talking about Adam outside the salon (and Sarah shockingly reveals that Candice has never had a good luck bear in her life), and Audrey comes out on her way to her date with Keith. Then we see Adam and Mike returning from the driving test. Adam has passed, and Ken comes out to congratulate him. Candice comes over and Adam invites her for a celebratory drink (but he'll only be drinking lemonade because he has to drive Mike home. Mike's not as daft as he looks).

"Tell you what, I'll even have the vicar slavering," Yana tells Cilla. We can just see the top of their heads (Cilla's topped with a veil) above the doors of their respective changing cubicles. They come out, and Cilla is a vision in large quantities of white satin adorned by enormous fabric flowers and bits of fluff. For Cilla, this outfit is semi-tasteful. Which can't be said for Yana's, which is red, mid-thigh length and has a bit of a flamenco feel to it, a look which is completed by a bunch of red and black fabric flowers in her hair.

Keith is waiting for Audrey in the Rovers, and is getting agitated because it's already 5.35 and she hasn't turned up. Violet reassures him that women are always late.

Candice is also in the Rovers, with Sarah, and she's getting tense too because Adam hasn't appeared (though it is only 5.35 after all). Sarah says he's probably trying to land his helicopter somewhere, or he'll be looking for his gold card. Candice says Sarah is very immature – but she wonders if Adam really does have a gold card. Sarah says all Candice cares about is whether Adam is going to be rich one day.

They really go in for early evening rendezvouses (I have no idea how to deal with the plural of rendezvous) in Weatherfield. Lloyd and Kelly are at a swish bar, sipping wine. Lloyd thinks this is Kelly's kind of place: "You're not the pint and pork scratching type, you. You're class." She agrees.

Adam and his father and grandfather have now found their way to the Rovers, and Ken hands him a copy of The Motorist's Guide to Wales, a gift which Adam receives with very little enthusiasm until he discovers that inside there's £500 to go towards buying a car. Mike says you can't get much car for £500 these days, but Candice points out that she got a good bargain on some jewelry on a shopping channel, so Adam invites her to join him on his car shopping trip.

Audrey finally shows up, and wants to stay at the Rovers for a drink before they go out, but Keith ushers her out of the pub without even letting her stop to speak to Candice about work. "He must be peckish," Audrey mutters to Sarah as she's propelled past.

Eileen is out in the street minding her own business, when Gail shouts at her, "I think you should be more careful about spreading lies about people. You led me to believe things were going on between you and Phil."

Eileen says that that says more about Gail than it does about her: "Honestly, Gail, if you get this infatuated about every man you're interested in, is it any wonder they run off?" Gail stomps over to her and they have a good old slanging match along the lines of Gail has a sad life, and what man would want to look twice at Eileen. Eileen gets the last word: "Sour little shrews like you don't turn him on," she says, doing a little shrew impression, "Now run along – curtains won't twitch themselves." Marvellous.

Audrey and Keith have arrived at the restaurant, and the reason for Keith's agitation is now clear – they've missed the "early bird meal deal," which had to be ordered by six. Audrey is unaware of Keith's possible financial embarrassment, and wants to order king prawns and steak. Keith says he's happy with a breadstick and a cheese and tomato pizza.

Welcome to the house of fun that is Shelley's bedroom. She's talking to Zack when Charlie comes in, doing that throat clearing thing as per usual (not in a tactful way, just a *very* annoying way), trying to undermine what Zack's saying to Shelley. Charlie starts rummaging about in the wardrobe, telling them to ignore him, but his presence makes both of them feel awkward.

Lloyd and Kelly are leaving the bar, and she tells him she had a good time, and he's not what she expected, which is a compliment. There's a homeless girl begging on the pavement, and Lloyd gives her some money, but the girl looks at Kelly and says, "I see you found what you wanted, Kel." "I'm going home," Kelly tells Lloyd, and rushes off, close to tears.

Charlie is still being an annoying presence in the middle of Shelley's counselling session. Shelley tells Zack her worst fear is being looked at and thinking people are talking about her. She blames this on the way Peter betrayed her, and she says her biggest dream is getting married, but it's also the thing she's most scared of. Charlie kind of pounces on her, and says they will get married: "You're going to walk down that aisle, and I'll be waiting for you," he says (how threatening does *that* sound? "Are you asking me to marry you?" squeaks Shelley. "If you'll have me." "Course I will!" she says. Zack doesn't look thrilled.

Sue Haasler

No Episode aired tonight

Welcome to the Super Soar-away Bank Holiday Weekend Bonanza episode of the Street. Yes, one whole hour instead of only a half. Of course, in order to qualify for this bonus, we've had to give up our Friday episode.

Anyway, we open at the Battersby breakfast table, where Cilla is wondering why her finger seems to look so naked. It seems Les hasn't bought her an engagement ring. And it's no good Les protesting that a) They're old-fashioned; or b) They're saving up for the wedding, because Cilla is determined to have a ring. Les says he'll buy her a wedding ring. "Yeah, you will," she tells him. "And it better be gold and all! Or platinum. I don't mind platinum." She also tells him the engagement ring rule: The ring should cost the man a month's wages.

Sarah meets Candice near the salon. Candice is waiting to go with Adam to choose his new car. He arrives, but so does Ken, who is expecting to take Adam to the car auction. Adam insists he and Candice will go on the bus and declines the offer of Ken's advice and wisdom. "The most I can lose is five hundred quid," he says. As he and Candice head off to catch the bus, Ken says to Sarah: "It seemed like quite a lot to me when I gave it to him."

In the taxi office, Les asks Lloyd if he knows of any way to get a diamond ring on the cheap. Lloyd suggests he get a job in a diamond mine, find a diamond, swallow it, smuggle it out and wait for nature to take it's course. Les thinks for a bit and decides it could work. "Are there any diamond mines round here?" Lloyd tells him that's the only snag. Once Les has gone, Eileen asks how Lloyd's date with Kelly went. He tells her he spent near £100 and didn't even get a snog. Unfortunately for him, Kelly has come in to the counter and hears him. She storms off in a huff after asking if he thinks she's easy as well as cheap.

At the Rovers, the delectable Zack, formerly known as Luke Mullen in "Playing the Field", thinks Shelley is making good progress. And he manages to say this despite the Angle of Doom in the background, hands on hips, head thrown back. . . yes, it's Charlie, interrupting again. Shelley says that Charlie asking her to marry him is a real incentive. Charlie says he thinks they should do it as soon as possible, but Shelley is a little apprehensive. Zack also thinks she shouldn't try to rush things.

Norris is wittering on yet again. This time the subject is his experience in working for big companies and how much he enjoyed the competitive atmosphere in organisations big enough to have personnel departments, career structures and incentive schemes. Or redundancy packages and compulsory contributions, as Rita reminds him. "At your time of life you'll be lying about your age and investing in a wig," she says.

Violet is having a cuppa when she hears Shelley saying goodbye to Charlie. Shelley tells her that they are getting married. Once Shelley's gone back upstairs, Violet breaks the news to Betty, who says it will all end in tears. "And they won't be Charlie's."

Les has voluntarily entered a police station. But it's OK, he's not a changed character. He's there to report that he's lost a diamond ring and to wonder if they might have any in the lost property. "Certainly, sir. If we could just take your name and address . . ."

Les is taken to an interview room. Not usual for a lost property claimant, but they have plans for him. When he identifies a ring as the one he lost, the nice sergeant tells him it was found when a suspect was searched back in April. But the suspect got away. "You've got form, haven't you, Mr Battersby?" Les says he's made a mistake and gets up to go, but the sergeant has more questions for him. Where was he on the evening of April 27. Les can't remember, but suddenly twigs. "I was in flamin' Spain with my fiancee!"

In the Street, Bev can't avoid Charlie, who takes great delight in telling her that she's going to be his mother-in-law.

At a petrol station, Adam is proving just how young he is. He's bought Candice a bunch of flowers. When will men realise that if a bunch of flowers is bought anywhere that also sells Diesel or Diet-Coke, it doesn't count! Candice is less than impressed, though she perks up when Adam offers to take her, and his new set of wheels, for a run in the country.

Back at the police station, both Les and Cilla are at full volume. A woman constable is brought in to say whether Les is the man she stopped and searched back in April. "No, he was a young, good looking fellow," she says. Les is so offended by this he almost disputes her word that he wasn't the suspect.

Adam and Candice haven't got as far as any sort of open space, let alone the countryside. From the look of the smoke issuing from the car they never will. A police car stops and the woman officer (a different one) asks if there's a problem. Have they run out of fuel. Adam says he's just put six gallons of petrol in it. "That's your problem then. This car runs on diesel." She points out that the tax disc is expired, there is no warrant of fitness, and it will cost them £1,000 to fix the car. "You've banjaxed the engine." Adam only paid £450 for the whole car. Candice is so horrified she stalks off, telling Adam: "You are so dumped!"

In the pub, Lloyd is trying to find out what made Kelly change during their date. Once they's finished a meal, she seemed fine until a down-and-out woman recognised her and called out. Kelly admits she once got into trouble with the law and was sent away. The woman had been inside with her and it gave Kelly a shock to see her. It brought back unhappy memories.

Even being cleared of stealing the ring hasn't calmed down Les. He threatens the sergeant with taking it to his MP. "Who is your MP?" asks the sergeant, but neither Les, nor Cilla, know. The sergeant goes through the events so far, and Cilla's face is a picture as she realises how Les tried to get her a ring. The policeman says Les could be charged with wasting police time, false pretences, attempting to commit fraud by means of a trick . . . Les protests that it was an honest mistake but he and Cilla are told to hop it!

In the Rovers, Norris is taking advice from Sean on what Rita said about a wig. He tells Sean what the comment was. "Oh, they have cruel tongues, don't you think - women. That's one of the things I like about them!" says Sean. Norris thinks folk laugh at men in wigs. Not judges, they don't, nor Elton John, nor Bruce Forsythe, "which is a shame, what with him being a comedian," Sean advises. Norris is starting to look more hopeful. Sean says he likes to get his advice from one of the great books. In his case, he prefers to seek wisdom in the work of Shakespeare. Does Shakespeare having anything to advise about wigs, wonders Norris. Sean assures him that Shakespeare did offer advice on wigs, in Hamlet. "Toupee or not toupee!" Norris stomps off in disgust, muttering that Sean is as bad as Rita Sullivan.

Outside their front door, Cilla is giving Les a telling off. There's only one way to get an engagement ring, and that's to go into a jewelers and buy one. "But they cost a lot of money," Les protests. "That's the whole point!" she screeches. She tells him he's saving up, as of now, and is banned from touching alcohol until he gets her a ring. Les says he's had a bad time with the police and needs a drink. But Cilla tells him that if he thinks that was a bad time, "you get in that house and I'll show you what a bad time really is!"

Margaret Carr

Part Two.

It's Les's 50th birthday, but if he was expecting anything from Cilla, he's disappointed, there's no present and no card, if she's not got a ring, he's not getting a present. She wants a ring with a stone in it and she wants to see a receipt from a proper jewelers. Chesney comes down with a card, "Happy birthday, Dad," he says. "He's not yer dad," mutters Cilla. She makes it clear with no ring, there'll be no wedding. She expects it to cost at least a thousand. "Beg, borrow it – DON'T steal it!" she tells him. "Do you want me to go into debt?" he roars at her. "Yeah!" she says. "Why?" he asks. "Because I'm worth it!" she says, flicking her hair!

Over at the pub Shelley brings Charlie breakfast in bed, Zak's idea, apparently. Zak also thinks Shelley should speak to her mum, but Charlie is dead against the idea, he thinks it's all psychobabble.

Craig is finishing off the mowing with Keith in the back garden. Keith tells him that now they've got the day to themselves and can go fishing. Craig tells him that he's not going, Rosie is coming over, they're going to listen to some downloads and Keith is horrified to hear that they'll be in his bedroom, where his computer is.

Mike and Adam have gone to see Ken to break the news that his five hundred pounds went up in smoke when the car died. Ken isn't too happy but Mike promises that he'll buy Adam another one and Underworld will pay for the insurance. Ken is annoyed that this will not be teaching Adam any worthwhile lessons, but Mike just grins and says as soon as the showroom is open they'll go and buy it.

Shelley is sitting in the Rovers, looking rather apprehensive. Violet and Betty come to the door so she lets them in, and they're delighted to see her downstairs.

Les steps out of his front door on his way to the jewelers, and meets Yana. She tells him that Cilla's told her that the wedding will be off if he doesn't come up with a ring.

A few steps down the street, Les passes Ken, Mike and Adam. He hears them talking about the two cars Adam will have had bought for him in a couple of days. Ken tells Les that Mike has cash to burn and doesn't know the value of it. "Can you lend me a few bob?" Les asks Mike, but all he's offered is a tenner. Les goes off very disgruntled.

There's a barbeque going on in Gail's garden, with Craig and Keith leaning over the fence from their garden. Craig tells Keith to take Audrey to the canal, while he and Rosie sit in his bedroom on opposite sides of the room listening to music. Audrey is delighted at first, when she thinks he's taking her to a nice restaurant for a civilised Sunday lunch, but he tells her to come as she is and just bring wellies, it's a mystery trip!

In the Rovers, Charlie comes up behind Violet and Betty, putting his hands on their shoulders. Violet tries to shrug him off, as he murmurs "Don't make a fuss." Shelley walks in and he announces that's she's just come to do a couple of hours behind the bar. "There's no need to explain," she tells him awkwardly. Sunita is in the pub and Charlie offers to ask her to leave, but Shelley tells him no, it's a public house, not her house.

Over at a table Sunita is talking to Rita. She tells her that Shelley is nervous, just how Charlie likes her to be, and Bev is right to be worried.

Keith and Audrey are walking along beside the canal, carrying fishing paraphernalia and a picnic basket. Audrey is doubtful about the fishing, she can't fish, and she thought they would need mountain streams, lakes and boats. He assures her that all they need is a canal bank, a patch of grass and a big dollop of patience.

Candice and Sarah are crossing the street when Adam drives round the corner in a brand new, flashy, sporty looking, yellow car. Two seconds earlier Candice had been telling Sarah that she is just too good for all the fellas round there. She seems to change her mind pretty quickly when she sees Adam's latest acquisition.

Adam and Mike are just knocking on Ken's front door when Les comes along. Mike asks if he's bought his piece of metal yet, and Les rather miserably tells him he hasn't. Ken isn't in, so as Mike and Adam go off to the Rovers, Candice and Sarah run over and gaze admiringly at the car, and then Candice sets off towards the Rovers. "You're not going after him?" asks Sarah. "Well someone's got to sit in the passenger seat, haven't they?" says Candice.

Down at the canal, Keith and Audrey are having a great time, and, to her great delight, she catches a fish.

Gail sees Phil loading up his car with files and equipment and goes over to grovel. She tells him she knows she was in the wrong, and has cleared it all with Donald. She offers to buy him a meal as a way of an apology, and is really chuffed when he accepts. She promises to sit with her mouth shut all night, and they agree to sort out the details later.

In the Rovers, Shelley serves Rita who tells her she looks marvellous. Candice and Sarah come in and Candice asks if she can buy drinks on tick. Shelley tells her no, and she starts to say that she's forgotten her purse. Violet butts in and tells her she'll have to go home then.

Sean bursts in and announces his arrival in a loud, flamboyant way, which really seems to unnerve Shelley, until Violet sends him off to get mixers.

Meanwhile, Candice and Sarah are hanging around, Candice is waiting for Adam to notice her. Sarah points out that he was the lowest of the low this morning. Candice tells her that he's got a car, he's got money, a job and he lives in The Quays. "And you dumped him," Sarah reminds her. Our shallow one is not deterred and goes over to Adam. She tells him she knows he wants to get back with her so she forgives him and he can buy her and Sarah a drink. Gullible Adam does as he's told.

Behind the bar Charlie is keeping an eye on Shelley. She tells him that every now and then she feels she's lost it, but she really feels she's kept on top of it. "As best you can, yeah," Charlie tells her. "Let's face it Shell, you're not there yet," he says. Shelley's confidence evaporates.

Audrey and Keith arrive back in Coronation Street. He asks if she'd like to go to a concert tomorrow and she seems keen, until he tells her it's a free one in the park in the afternoon. She tells him she has to work, but fancies the theatre in the evening. He seems horrified, until she tells him it's her treat.

Candice is all over Adam like a rash, so Sarah, broke, goes home.

Yana and Les walk in, he's bought the ring, and Yana persuades him to get down on one knee when Cilla comes out of the ladies. "What's going on?" asks Shelley from behind the bar. Cilla comes in and sees her, "You're supposed to be sick," she tells her. "Is that the one who's off ‘er ‘ead?" queries Yana. "Yeah, she's a right loony," says Les. He produces the ring box, opens it and presents it to Cilla. "Did you buy it from a proper jewelers?" she asks. He says he did, and produces the receipt, saying he'll be paying for it until he's in his grave. He tries to put it on her finger, but it's too small. Cilla is not deterred, and puts in on her little finger. Yana suggests drinks on the house, but Violet says they have to be paid for. Les reluctantly agrees to foot the bill. "Watch out world, nothing can stop us now!" sighs Cilla. Help!!

Annie Logan.

Bank holiday Monday - well it is here in England, but apparently not in Weatherfield - the first time I can recall that the script has not reflected the outside world - I mean one of the key stories is about the factory being at work - in various ways.

Anyway, Sophie appears to have nits which Sally tries to remove one by one. Now once again the scriptwriting team have screwed up. Sophie is not at school yet and I know from long experience that there is an outbreak of nits immediately after the start of each term - not during the holidays. I used to accuse the school of sprinkling them on the kids heads when they welcomed them back at the start of term. I do not understand why they are so common today - it was something I never experienced when I was at school. Sally has this belief that they are attracted to clean scalps - my experience is that they will go anywhere they can! Sally also blames Chesney.

Steve has returned from Spain and Andy to find an invoice with a load of noughts and a letter from his solicitor announcing a court hearing in two weeks time. Liz saunters off in a short pink skirt to where Dreary and Bev are loading Amy into the car for a trip to safari park. (That will be Knowsley in Liverpool then). Liz does not like wild animals as they make her skin crawl and she had to hide in the toilets for Born Free. As Liz departs Bev notes that her legs are better than Liz's (which are not quite as fully displayed as normal) but she likes to keep them hidden so that any man has a surprise!

Danny and Frankie have gone to Spain to see Warren and Leanne therefore pops round to see Jamie who seduces her with the offer of lager in the fridge, some music and bunking off to spend the day in bed. She succumbs easily this girl and phones into Roy coughing and pretending to be ill.

The factory girls are locked out. Danny is away, Jamie has no keys, Adam is with Penny and Hayley no longer has any keys - they were given to Adam! Janice needs the toilet so heads for the Rovers. Chesney, Sophie (who is not supposed to be out of doors) and Nathan are having a kickabout (in the middle of the road - you do not see that very often these days - why are they not indoors playing with their gameboys?) and the ball hits Jan fair and square on the back of the head! Chesney tells her it was Sophie. Sophie and Janice start struggling (Sophie really should only pick on people her own size - she towers over Janice these days). Chesney tries to get Janice to desist and this continues until Sally comes around the corner (as a machine operator I am not sure why she was not outside the factory).

Janice tells Sally that Sophie is a vicious little cow. Sally responds that Sophie only hit her with a football - which is hardly GBH but Janice observes that she might be brain damaged and Sally sweetly comments that we might all have trouble telling the difference!

Anyway Hayley reckons that popping over to Danny's and asking if there are any keys lying around is a good idea. She catches a perfectly healthy but flushed Leanne eating chocolate spread sandwiches. Hayley asks why she is not with Roy at the cafe. Leanne repeats her story but Hayley hardly seems convinced.

Eileen makes tea for Lloyd which rather puzzles Steve and then a call comes in which involves the A34 - Claire's favourite road. It is Lloyd's turn but Steve tells Eileen to give the job to Claire. Steve observes that he is the boss until he sees everyone's faces. They tell Steve that he has a new partner - Dev has sold his share of the business to Lloyd. Lloyd reckons Steve has never had a partner like him - which side of the bed does Steve prefer?

Bev is cleaning the Barlow's car and steam is coming out of her ears. It is the last time she will go anywhere with Dreary - who apparently needed to open the windows to see the animals more clearly despite warnings that this was dangerous. One of the monkeys made off with her glasses and she has just found an old pair in the loft - at which point Dreary emerges with her large glasses re-instated! Yes they are back!! And Dreary observes that every time she looks at Amy she cries (can't say I blame her - has no-one told her you two for the price of one at Specsavers!!).

Dev is driving past in his cabriolet with the top down so Steve gives him both barrels - not even a phone call (with which I do have some sympathy). The solicitor rings to ask when the bill is going to be paid and Tracy wants custody of the television! Across the street Tracy is playing happy families with Nathan and Amy.

Mike finally arrives at the factory and lets the girls in. Janice arrives from the Rovers scratching her head. A little later when Joanne looks at her head and then runs out to the bathroom, screaming. Jessie explains - Joanne hates nits. Sally looks worried and then remembers that Chesney jumped on Janice earlier - after all nits go for clean hair! Mike wants to know what all the noise is about and sends Janice home to get her head sorted, rather than infect the knickers. Penny arrives and gives Mike a dressing down for not ensuring that the factory was opened. Mike constructs a story blaming Danny who knew Mike was golfing. Penny accepts the explanation.

Claire is heading along the A34 and her fare has been at the Red Rec involved in a clean up but it had not been successful - no organisation - but there should be a good place for children to play.

Later in the Rovers Fiz updates them on Janice's problem - apparently the nit comb is stuck in her hair. Janice wants her hair shaved off. Sean has a set of clippers and is happy to volunteer, even if Janice is drunk and not serious.

Steve is unhappy that Amy will have to suffer a succession of "fathers" as men pass through Tracy's life. Eileen consoles him - he will be a good father and he is a better boos than that Lloyd - only don't tell him as she does not want the sack!

Round at Janice's Sean has his clippers ready and a somewhat drunk Janice agrees to be clipped. Bye Bye beautiful hair.

And that is that. Duncan should be back in this seat next week. And Amanda will be along shortly to let you know what Janice looks like without her hair.

K Richard W

Part 2

In the Grimshaw’s household Sean is trying to reassure Janice that her hair cut is nice. “Now, you need to prepare yourself. It's quite...er... radical” Sean says. Janice replies, “I've had a skinful of lager, how more prepared can I be?” Sean gets the twins to reassure her too. Sean then reminds her it was his first time. Janice exclaims, “You said you'd done loads of haircuts!” Sean gulping says, “Yeah... cutting fringes mainly though” Eileen comes through the door and screams. “Oh my god! What have you done to Janice?” Janice shouting at Sean says, “Give me that mirror... now!” He passes it to her and quickly goes to Eileen’s side. Janice looks shocked and screams, “Oh my God!” Sean hisses, “Quick, boost her confidence!” Eileen smiling says, “Er... sorry I screamed” Jessie and Joanne say, “It looks nice” Sean says, “She asked me to do it! She's got nits!” Eileen screeches, “You brought her in my house with nits?” Janice in rage says, “I look like I’ve just come out of a prison camp!” All her hair has been shaved off.

Over at the Baldwin’s Jamie and Leanne are taking it easy. Leanne asks Jamie if her wearing Frankie dressing gown, eating her food, and siting on her sofa turns him on. He replies no. She then knocks over some crisps and Jamie tells her that he told Vera not to come round and that he will have to clean it up. She laughs and takes her foot and knocks more off the table. Leanne’s phone goes off, its Roy and she puts on an ill voice saying she feels better and will be back tomorrow.

At the Cab office Lloyd tells Kelly, “This is the nerve center of the entire operation” Kelly replies, “Looks like two people eating butties to me” Lloyd continues, “Don't be fooled by my colleagues relaxed demeanour. The phone will ring, Eileen will leap on it like a panther, pass the details on to Steve whose chair will tip back like something out of Thunderbirds, he will be transported to his rocket propelled Thundercab and jet off on a mission to save the world.... or to pick up a little old lady from Freshco's” She laughs, and asks about the hot pot he promised her. Lloyds yells, “To the Rovers.... and beyond!” He leaves and Steve says, “He thinks he’s funny” Eileen replies with a smile, “Actually, he is”

At the Battersby’s household Chesney now has nits and is siting getting treated with shampoo all over his head. Chesney asks how long it has to stay on for and is told an hour by Fiz. He then says it’s still itchy and scratches it. Les says to Fiz, “If you didn’t spend so much time with them dogs at the kennels he’d never have got ‘em in the first place!” Fiz replies, “You don't get nits off dogs, you get fleas” Chesney says, “Sophie gave me ‘em. She told me she had nits” Les laughing says, “The Weatherfield Websters? Imagine that. The poshest family in the street being riddled with nits” Fiz says, “See Chesney? Them’s high class bugs you’ve got on your head! It's a status symbol. Come on, let's rinse that stuff off and I'll pop some of that stuff round for Janice”

Over at the Webster’s Sophie is getting checked again for nits. She asks if she can go out but is told not until she is clear. Sally says she’s not to go near Chesney because that’s who gave her the nits. Kevin who is checking Sally’s hair says, “He’s given you them as well from the looks of it” Sally says, “Right, no-one leaves this house till every nit is gone and every egg is destroyed! I'm not having people say we have nits” Sophie replies, “But we have!” Sally tells her, “Yes, but they're not our nits. They are Battersby nits. Look, this one even looks like him!” Roise who is checking her dad’s hair says, “They are living creatures. Can’ we release them into the wild?” Kevin says, “They are nits, not battery hens!” Sally says, “And it's not as if they are endangered species. The Battersby's are crawling with then!”

Claire has taken Josh to the park after the guy in her cab earlier was talking about it. She looks at a dumpsite; there are beds, trolls, broken beer bottles etc. Claire hears noises and says to Josh, “Come on, we’re going home” She starts to walk away when a man comes flying out of the bushes. “Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. Some of these old shrubs are quite stubborn. We don't get many people down this end of the park. No surprise though, look at it. Broken bottles, cans. I'm surprised there aren't more accidents” The mans says. Claire tells him, “I just came to have a look. I heard there was funding to do the place up” The man replies, “There is, for materials but not for manpower” Claire says, “No manpower?” He replies, “Well, one manpower. Me! If I could just get a dozen willing volunteers we could have this place cleaned up and looking lovely for people like you and your kid in no time” Claire looks as if she’s going to help.

Over at the Platt’s Martin has joined them for dinner. He tells Gail and David that he bumped into an old school friend, “He's got a broken collar bone. He’s a chartered accountant now, and get this a Methodist lay preacher! But he leads a secret double life” Martin says. David laughing says, “Does he wear his pants outside his trousers, a red cape and leap off tall buildings?” Martin replies, “No, but close” David asks, “Does he wear a nappy and pay girls to smack him?” Martin nearly chokes on his dinner. Gail shouts, “David!” Martin says, “You'd never guess in a million years” David tells Martin, “Can't say I'm bothered” Gail asks, “So are you going to tell us” Martin smiling, “No, I don't think I am now”

Back at the Baldwin’s and Leanne starts complaining because Jamie is watching Spanish football. He tells her to go out but reminds him she told everyone she was sick. She starts to hover and Jamie says he can’t hear the tv. She says she can’t hear him and then gets him to join her in cleaning.

In the Platt household again. Martin thanks Gail for lunch and starts to leave, she asks, “So? What about this secret life thing?” He smiles, “Ah, you'll just have to wait and see. Thing is, he can't perform his double life activities with a broken collar bone and he's asked me if I'll take over them” Gail asks, “You? Well what are they?” Martin smiling says, “You'll find out soon enough”

At the Peacock’s Claire is telling Ashley about how they need people to help clean up the park. He tells her it sounds a really good idea and she says, “Good, you're my first volunteer” Ashley tells her, “Ah, I said I'd help me dad wash out the cold store this Saturday” She looks disappointed. She then replies, “Okay, I'll be able to find other's I'm sure” Ashley says, “Hang on, you gave up very easily there. I gave you some feeble excuse and you let me wheedle my way out of it” She gives a look and says, “So you're not busy on Saturday?” Ashley tells her, “If you want a crack team of volunteers you are going to have to be more forceful than that or you'll find yourself digging the whole thing out yourself”

Over at the Rovers Dev asks the guys Martin and Kevin, “What advice can you give to a man that’s going to have twins” Steve says he has a kid too, and will gets rights after the court order comes in. He tells Nathan no one will come between him and his daughter. Kelly and Tracy enter in. Lloyd and Nathan go over to see them. Steve moaning at Kevin says, “What did you have to employ him for? He’s spending time with my daughter. Time 'I' should be spending with her!” Kevin laughing replies, “He’s a good mechanic. I can’t sack him for that” Steve then says to Dev, “And you are as bad! Landing me with jumped up thinks he's funny little Scouse git!” Martin says, “I thought he was funny”

In the Peacock household again and Ashley is winding Claire up, “Come on, persuade me! Give it some passion” She tells him he will be doing something good for the community. “Turning a dumping ground into a beautiful garden filled with flowers” She says. He replies, “Why should I work all day for nothing?” She tells him, “There's nothing more rewarding than doing something for the benefit of your local community” He replies, “Nah, I think I'll stop in and watch the footy” She shouts, “So you can’t be bothered to give up one day of your selfish life to help others?” He smirks, “That's right” Claire angrily shouting says, “Well shame on you! You’re happy to see vandals ruin everything. To let children play with broken beer bottles and rusty shopping trolleys. You’re a disgrace. That's what you are. A lazy, bone idle, self centered, selfish parasite living off other people’s efforts. Well you don't deserve a nice park. You don’t deserve anything! I hope you remember this when you ask a stranger for directions, or if you break down and need a hand pushing your car. Some of us think it’s good to do something for nothing. Some of us think helping others has it’s own reward! And some of us think this world will only ever become a better place if we get off our lazy backsides and actually do something about it!” Ashley leaps up from the sofa smiling and says, “Okay, I'll do it!” Claire is so happy she hugs him.

Another visit to the Baldwin’s, Jamie and Leanne are play fighting and having a laugh. There is a knock at the door and Leanne says, “If that's Hayley checking up on me again....” Jamie says he will get rid of her. Jamie is shocked as he sees Carol. “Mum! What are you doing here?” She replies, “Just thought I'd pop up for a visit. I take it your father and his tart have cleared British air space by now. Mind if I come in?” and pushes past him and says, “Hello again Leanne, fancy seeing you here” she turns to Jamie and says, “How’s my little boy. Got his girlfriend round while the grown ups are away eh? Good thinking. We could have a party!” Jamie and Leanne both look at each other.

Back at the Rovers Nathan is telling Tracy that he is not keen on her using him to get back at the father of her child. She replies, “I'm not bothered what he thinks. I have needs and you, you satisfy them. You getting up Steve's nose is just a bonus” He asks, “So what do 'I' get out of this... relationship” She replies smugly, “You get me” Eileen says to Janice, “I'm getting used to your hair now. Well, I've stopped screaming at least” Janice thanks Fiz for bringing round shampoo as it work wonders. Sally and Kevin enter. Sally looking at Janice asks what happened to her, if she got to close to Cheseny nits. Fiz yells, “Hey, our Chesney got his nits from your Sophie!” Janice exclaims, “Oh is that right? The nits came from Lady Webster!” Sally denies it. Janice tells her she had to use shampoo from Fiz. Sally replies, “Oh really? It wouldn’t happen to be 'this' shampoo, would it?” Janice says yes. Fiz gulping asks Sally, “Where’d you get that?” Sally smiling says Chesney gave it to her. Janice says she should use it. Sally smiling says, “Oh we couldn’t possibly do that... It’s for dogs!” Fiz says, “Er.... I got it from the kennels. It works though” People in the pub start laughing, “Course it does... on dogs. Cheer up Janice, you've got a nice glossy coat now you’ve been deloused!” Sally says

Over at the Baldwin’s Leanne asks, “How did she know they were going away” Jamie tells her, “I dunno. She phoned me. I must have told her. I didn't think” Leanne says, “Well get rid of her!” The go back to the living room. Leanne asks Carol, “I thought you weren’t drinking?” Carol replies, “This isn't drinking, this is revenge! My ex husband’s single malt! This is medicine for all the stuff he put me through. I hope you won’t mind me staying overnight. It's a long way back to Brum and the trains are a nightmare” They look in horror as she downs the scotch in one and gets another. “I thought you could sleep in Frankie’s bed and I'll sleep in yours. Salut!” Carol says.

Amanda Souter

Wednesday 31 August Episode 6104

Written by: Jan McVerry
Directed by: Graeme Harper

Sophie Webster is posing while her dad takes a photo of her in her Weatherfield High uniform (“Seems like only yesterday you were wearing nappies, with your little fat legs…”). Chesney arrives to go to school with her, and Rosie (who doesn’t go back to school for another week) teases them about how horrible and tough it’s going to be. Chesney isn’t wearing the proper school uniform: “My mam had the list but this was cheaper,” he says. Bless him.

Leanne’s in an amorous mood, but Jamie’s more in the mood for food, and his mum is obliging with a proper cooked breakfast. Leanne isn’t pleased.

Sally has provided Chesney with one of Rosie’s old Weatherfield High jumpers in the official school colour of grey. It’s a bit dangly on the sleeves, but Sally says it leaves plenty of room for growth and all he has to do is get Cilla to unpick Rosie’s name label. Kevin finally finishes photographing Sophie and Chesney, but they’ve only walked two steps towards school when they have to pose again, this time for Fiz. Sophie gives her Chesney’s other jumper to give back to Cilla. Chesney doesn’t know why he has to wear the proper colours to school anyway. Sophie says that if a spotted zebra tried to join the herd, the others would turn on it and kick it to death, so if he goes to school in the wrong jumper, he’ll get his head kicked in, his money robbed and his head flushed down the toilet (tough place, this Weatherfield High).

Claire is trying to recruit Sally to her park cleaning campaign, and Sally does her best to get out of it, but Claire is very persistent and arranges to meet up with Sally at lunchtime.

Tyrone is talking to Nathan about plans for Kevin’s party. He quite fancies having it aboard a “disco bus” he’s seen in the phone book. Nathan points out that Kevin is 40 so he’ll be into music of the punk era, so Tyrone should check whether there’s room to pogo on the disco bus.

Meanwhile Claire is busy recruiting Eileen to her cause.

The disco bus turns out to be too expensive, Tyrone tells Nathan and Martin (who has wandered by), because he needs to leave room in the budget for “female company.” Nathan says this is mainly for Tyrone, as Maria has been a bit tied up recently (“Not literally!” Tyrone adds). Nathan thinks they should just have the party at the Rovers because that’s the only place Kevin’s interested in. “It’s not up to him,” party-planner Tyrone says.

Claire’s attentions are now turned to Gail, but she isn’t in the best mood because she’s busy tidying up after Bethany and feels hard done by because she does everything for Bethany and Sarah does very little. “So why don’t you ask Sarah to put on her wellies and go round with a pooper scooper?” she tells Claire, adding that she is now on strike

Maria comes to the garage to tell Tyrone she can’t meet him for lunch as one of the dogs has gone missing. As she’s leaving again she bumps into Sophie, who is looking dejected. Sophie tells Kevin that, as far as Weatherfield High is concerned, she doesn’t exist. They didn’t receive her application and she isn’t on any of the registers. There’s no place for her.

Tyrone is on the phone trying to organise a strippogram, but they hang up on him because they think he sounds dodgy!

Sally is now at the garage telling Kevin and Sophie that she *did* send in the school application form – although not specifically to Weatherfield High, because she thought Sophie would be going to Oakhill at the time. She assumed that because they sent her the uniform list when she rang them, that Sophie had a place.

Leanne and Jamie are enjoying a cosy moment on the sofa when Carol comes back with a carrier bag of shopping. Leanne is cross because Carol has a key. Carol has got all the stuff to make an evening meal, but Leanne tells her that they’d already planned to go out for dinner. Carol says she'll cook lunch instead.

The Websters are at home, and Sophie is telling her parents about how she discovered that she wasn’t on the list at Weatherfield High. Sally says it’ll all be fine after she’s phoned the school. Kevin makes her promise not to lose her temper with them and make things worse.

Tyrone is in the garage office, ringing Maria to tell her that Vera has found the lost dog for her. He’s left it in a car (with the window partly open). Nathan says Maria had better hurry up because the owner wants the car back at 2. He tells Tyrone the dog has already messed on the back seat.

Claire is in the butchers telling Ashley that Sally wasn’t at home for their appointment (because Sally was at the garage at the time talking to Sophie). Emily, who is in the shop buying something, offers her services to help clean up the park. Emily hobbles out on her crutches, and Ashley tells Claire that last time Emily was campaigning on the Red Rec she occupied a tree.

Sally is at the school to meet the head teacher. This doesn’t get off to a good start when she’s dismissive and patronising to a Mr Lewis, whom she’s had run-ins with before – but he turns out to be the new headmaster.

Carol is already drunk as lunch is ending. Jamie says the meal was lovely, and pointedly adds, “You’ll have to leave us the recipe.” Leanne suggests that if Jamie has to drive to Wolverhampton on a delivery, he can drop his mum off at home at the same time. “Is she working you from behind?” Carol says, and then drops the bombshell – she’s been evicted. “Unbelievable, innit?” she says. “So you see – you’re stuck with me.”

Sally is trying to convince Mr Lewis that she no longer thinks that Weatherfield High is a school for “the lumpen masses.” He tells her how good the school is and how they encourage each child to achieve her or his potential. Sally is impressed – but then he says he has no place for Sophie. The school is full. “There’ll be a space,” she says. “Half of them’ll be hanging out at t’precinct come Friday!” She then tries the seductive approach, but luckily for Mr Lewis the bell rings. “It’s out of my hands,” he says, telling Sally that he’ll add Sophie’s name to the bottom of the waiting list but she shouldn’t hold her breath. The education authority will find Sophie a place, “but the gates of Weatherfield High are closed.”

Sue Haasler

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Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Sue Haasler, Duncan Lindsay Margaret Carr, Amanda Souter.

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