Here we are on Friday night and Danny is walking along the street. He makes eye contact with Leanne, who is at an upstairs window.

He arrives home, where Frankie is absolutely fuming. She's been going through the "Keep Forever" box and has discovered that Danny's put a picture of Carol in there. "It's not a picture of Carol, it's a picture of Jamie," he points out. But Frankie is still annoyed. "Who's holding him? Ann Widdecombe?" she snaps. Danny wonders where his dinner is. "It's on the shelf," Frankie says, "in the supermarket!" She is really annoyed that Danny didn't tell her he'd been to see Carol. "Women and lies. That just about sums you up!" And she leaves, slamming the door behind her.

Claire is visiting the butcher shop. Fred is talking on the phone, trying to persuade his poultry supplier to keep supplying him. While Ashley and Claire are chatting, he asks her what's in the black plastic bag she's carrying. Her mind is so full of The Knowledge, for her taxi license, that she left the house intending to put out the rubbish, but has brought it with her. Fred finishes his call and tells them that Maddocks has been wining and dining and generally bribing Farmer Fletcher, including an all-you-can-eat buffet at Piccadilly Gardens. "Can anyone smell kippers?" he asks, and Claire scurries home with her rubbish.

In the factory, Sean won't shut up about vet Tim. "I can't stop thinking about him," he admits. "He's made the seam on my knickers go wonky," and he holds up his sewing to prove it. One of the twins is adamant that Tim is straight, but Kelly isn't so sure. When she deliberately bent over in front of him, "not a flicker. He didn't even look. What does that tell you?" "That he's got good taste!" says Danny, coming in unseen. "Get on with your work!" Sean asks Fizz if she knows anything about Tim's personal life, but she says she's only seen him at the surgery with Schmeichel. "Does he have Kylie playing in the background? Has he mentioned a wife? Does he have a boxed set of Acorn Antiques on DVD?" Sally tells Sean he has a very stereotypical view of gay men. "I am a stereotypical gay man," Sean points out.

Frankie has gone round to the taxi office to pour out her troubles to Eileen, who points out that Frankie isn't responsible for Carol's drinking. Frankie believes Danny was attracted to her because she was less complicated than Carol. "Danny's not exactly Plato. He don't like to think about things much. And I was a pretty young thing." The new driver, Lloyd, interrupts them. Eileen sends him off to get some milk, telling him to take his time. "I get it," he says. "One of youse is having a crisis." Eileen tells Frankie that Danny wouldn't have been tempted away if there wasn't trouble in his marriage already.

In the Kabin, Rita has issued an emergency summons to Emily. She's had another look at the novel. Emily doesn't approve, saying it's a bit like reading someone's diary. "Do you want to know or not?" asks Rita. "Not at all," says Emily. "But if it helps you to unburden yourself as a friend, I will listen." Rita has shocking news. The book's hero, Norrise, is involved in a menage a trois with Emilia, a mild-mannered church-goer, and Reba, a racy Titian temptress! Rita reads a piece: "Norrise jumped out of the moped as Emilia and Reba alighted from the side car. And hand in hand the three of them ran barefoot through Chester Zoo. Atop the souvenir kiosk, Reba belted out a quick rendition of Paper Moon, whilst Emilia chose this moment for some solemn prayer." Rita pauses. "It's not exactly a page-turner, is it?" asks Emily. "You wait till you hear what happens in the meerkat enclosure," Rita warns. "I like meerkats," says Emily. "I've a tea-towel with some on." And, with a note of panic in her voice: "Norris knows that!"

It's tea-time at the factory, but Sean is still going on and on and on about Tim. "Just ask him out," says Fizz. But Sean likes Jessie (bigger twin)'s suggestion better. "Take him a sick pet," she says. "Where can I get my hands on a sick dog?" Sean wonders. "Kelly, what are you doing later on?"

Ken is talking to Deirdre on the phone. He tells her he's sitting there unshaven and in his dressing gown, having a do-nothing day. Jason is in the yard doing the guttering. His call gets cut off and then CRASH!!! Ken leaps so far off his chair we hear his head hit the wall behind him. A piece of guttering has come through the window.

Leanne is in the pub, telling Jamie she had her phone switched off because she had food poisoning after eating some prawns as part of a Chinese takeaway. She tells him a long made-up story about taking them back and embarrassing the shop owner. Her phone goes and she leaves Adam and Jamie in the booth to answer it, telling them it's Janice. It's not, it's Danny. She tells him she's in the pub.

He's out in the street and, via his phone, hears Jamie shout: "Janice, get back them knickers!" Danny cuts off Leanne and heads straight for the pub.

In the Rovers, Frankie is talking to Violet at the bar when Danny comes in. He demands to know what Jamie's doing there when he's supposed to be out on a job. Jamie tells him they've done the deliveries. Adam says they've finished. Danny says they should get back to the factory because he can find them plenty of work. Adam goes, but Jamie shouts that he's going home. And he does.

Maddocks and Fred are glaring at each other through a meat display counter. Fred tells Maddocks this has got to stop. Farmer Fletcher is just a small farmer and can only supply one butcher. "It's got to be sorted out." Maddocks admits it does. He agrees with Fred that they should decide it like gentlemen. Maddocks says they should fight for it. In the ring. "Marquis of Queensberry rules."

Ken is trying to watch When Hitler Invaded Britain, which is not easy with Jason in the room. Jason's wittering on about getting a cold sore. He's going to put salt on it. "Or is that for ulcers? I can never remember." Ken suggests he consult a medical dictionary and gets one from the shelf. Better yet, why doesn't Jason buy some books, go to university and get an education, consult the internet. "Anything except aimlessly and inarticulately acting out your own ignorance," he shouts at Jason. "Whoa, calm down, take it easy, my mate," says Jason. "That's what I've been trying to do all week!" says Ken. He stomps out, leaving Jason to remark to the glazier, Winston (top glazier, top geezer): "Well, you can tell he used to be a teacher."

In the pub, Norris comes over to Emily and Rita and they ask him how the novel is getting on. He admits to some embarrassment when he wrote his first clinch. Emily asks him about writing from experience or living out fantasies on the page. Norris says his writing is very linked to wish fulfillment. In this case, it's not just he who pays the piper calling the tune, but also wrote the tune. His novel, he says, is menacing, insistent, and ripe with a very dangerous passion.

Cilla is running. Yes, running. "Oi! Dale Winton!" she shouts at Sean (I'm sorry, but Dale Winton would take too long to explain to anyone who hasn't seen him). "Someone tells me you're after poorly pets." She tells Sean that Schmeichel is due for a check-up and Sean can take him to see vet Tim. There's only one catch -- they still owe money for past treatment. About 90 pounds. "That's a pair of slacks to you," she says.

Claire has served up lunch. It seems to be hole and no toad. She thinks maybe she gave Fred all the toad, but the way she's been today she's probably forgotten the sausage. Never mind, Ashley says. "Pass us the gravy." Sadly, Claire has forgotten the gravy granules and the gravy boat contains only hot water. "You don't think this Knowledge is taking over, do you?" he asks. She tells him it wouldn't hurt him to make his own dinner occasionally. After all, she's a 21st century woman and she can have it all. They talk about Fred and decide he'll sort everything out.

At home, Jamie is telling Frankie that Danny is always having a go at him. "It's because I remind him of her and Warren reminds him of you. I can understand that." Frankie tells him she always felt it was her who took advantage of Danny. She saw there were problems in his marriage and took advantage. "I ruined Carol's life and now I've ruined yours." But Jamie says she's the best thing that's happened to him. He remembers all the shouting and arguing, and once Frankie was on the scene that stopped. Danny comes in and tells Jamie he has to watch it. "Watch what?" Jamie asks. Despite a warning word from Frankie, Danny keeps on. "Being a prat. You are turning into your mother." Jamie says at least he's managed to achieve something. Danny says he's achieved plenty. "Mainly, getting on my wick." Jamie says Danny doesn't have to worry about it any more. He's leaving. When he was a child he had to choose between his Mum and Danny and he chose Danny, and he felt as if Danny had been punishing him for it ever since. "I'm sorry that I disappoint you. I'm sorry that I rile you so much. I am outa here." Danny sarcastically asks him where he's going to go. "I don't know. But it's going to be as far away from your resentful face as is humanly possible. Oh yeah. And have a nice life, because I haven't!" And he slams the door as he goes.

The End
Margaret Carr

Welcome to another uneventful Sunday episode. We open in ridiculous storyline of the day number one where Rita and Emily, having read some of Norris' novel (which seems to be taking place in a 20 page notebook) panic that he is going to propose to both of them. Rita tells Emily (who obviously mustn't have a life of her own) to stay in the corner shop all day to see how Norris acts.

Onto ridiculous storyline number two and Sean, along with another pet, Schmeichel, is all dolled up to go and see Tim the vet. The most worrying thing is no-one actually warns him that this idea is a bad one.

Moving swiftly on to ridiculous storyline number three and Fred and Ashley are discussing Fred's upcoming boxing bout with that rival butcher. Ken (obviously an expert...a secret that hasn't been uncovered in the last 45 years) starts advising Fred on his stance.

Jamie and Leanne are enjoying a lazy day at the flat, and Janice isn't happy. She isn't subtle about her displeasure at having Jamie over, but neither of them seem to care, so Janice storms out.

Over in the Kabin, Rita reads that after the rejections, Norris kills himself in the book. Meaning that two otherwise intelligent ladies decide that the only way to stop a real life suicide is for, wait for it, one of them to say yes...(I mean come on! a seven year old wouldn't fall for that!!)

Danny and Frankie are having a row over Jamie. Frankie reminds Danny that it is Jamie's right to know his real parents but Danny retorts that now he does, and he ought to be ashamed of her.

To the theme tune of Rocky (inspiration for any boxer) Fred squares up to take a swing at a pig's corpse (which someone is eventually going to have to eat) The slab of meat get's a soft punch...and Fred's knuckles bear the brunt. He decides funnily enough that he isn't cut out for it. But Ashley tells him he just needs a partner to bout with...cue Diggory's entry.

Norris gets down on one knee and proposes to Rita...who can't go through with it and declines...leaving Emily with no choice but to accept.

Sean visits the vets and clams up (very fakely...cringe away from your televisions!) and leaves once Tim tells him the dog is fine.

Emily read further into the book only to read that two nosey parkers shouldn't be reading the book without permission. Norris gloats over them but Emily tricks him back, saying the idea of marriage had grown on her. Norris is temporarily fooled...as it was so convincing...(sorry this plot really annoyed me...can you tell!?)

As Frankie convinces Danny to go and ask Jamie back, Diggory and Fred square up. Predictably, one right hook knocks Fred out cold.

Jamie and Danny are soon arguing...about his mum and Danny's snipes about her alcoholism sends Jamie storming out of the flat

Sean is complaining about his poor performance at Tim's. He is beginning to doubt that he even is gay and the factory girls happen to agree with him.

Also down in the dumps is Fred who gives in that he can't win his boxing bout against Madders.

Ken sits down to watch a documentary (yeah it was an exciting scene!)

Jamie has returned home, significantly happier than he was...and Leanne is pleased about how optimistic he seems...till the phrase let's get serious occurs...he wants them to find a place together.

A bored Ken joins his friends in the Rovers for a drink as he missed their company.

Sean's spirits are raised when the clever factory girls suggest he can use all their pets to make repeat visits to Tim (who of course won't see through this odd behaviour)

But one person who isn't cheered up is Ashley...who Fred has just informed he is to fight maddocks' son. "He'll murder me!" crows Ashley. Here's hoping.

Duncan Lindsay

Written by: Jan McVerry
Directed by: Neil Alderton

A modern parenting dilemma for Ashley and Claire (and a chance for Ashley to show off the famous Peacock pecs). Josh has been sick during the night (all over Ashley's PJ's, hence the bare torso), and can't go to nursery. So which parent takes the day off work to look after him? Claire doesn't think she should, as it's her first week at Streetcars, and thinks Ashley should do it. But the decision is made for Claire when she accidentally sits on her glasses and breaks them. "Book yourself a cab to t'opticians," Ashley suggests.

The two boys Claire normally takes to school, Robbie and Mark, are therefore being driven by Lloyd, and they don't seem very impressed with his banter or his choice of music. They miss Claire. Robbie winds Lloyd up by repeatedly fastening and unfastening his seatbelt.

Charlie is getting ready for work, and looking very perky considering he came home very late. Shelley, who waited up for him, is not looking perky, and is feeling more insecure than usual because he stayed out so late. She even has a go at tying a scarf round her neck, Violet-style, but decides it looks "too young" (too holiday camp rep, in my opinion, but I've always thought Violet's dress sense was a bit dodgy).

Bev is in the corner shop, and Sunita tells her that she and Dev hardly ever go in the Rovers since Charlie tried to rip them off over the shop rebuild. Scooter comes into the shop to tell Sarah that he's been finding out more about Koi carp diseases (what an exciting lad he is). He says he's going to go and talk to the owner again.

Robbie is now banging on the cab window and Lloyd is getting irritated. He stops the car and goes round to Robbie's door to tell him off, but while he's doing that the other boy jumps out of the car and runs away (I think it's the school field, though, so that's ok).

In the Rovers, Violet tells Ciaran she's going to get Charlie to have a look at a dripping tap. Shelley, crouching on the stairs, hears this and is clearly thinking there's something going on between Violet and Charlie. Liz is sitting in the pub telling Bob about the scenic marvels of Northern Ireland. Bob mentions a nice pub he knows in the hills somewhere, and asks if she'd like to go. Hills are no problem to a woman whose "buns of steel" have been honed by "doing ten miles a day behind a bar in five inch heels," so she agrees.

Claire, Ashley and a much-recovered Joshua are in the butchers' shop. They tell Fred that while they were at the precinct getting Claire's new glasses, they popped into Maddox's and called the fight off. Fred's not pleased.

In the Rovers, Violet hands Jason a pint, and gestures that he doesn't need to pay for it. Shelley leaps from behind a display of dry-roasted peanuts: "So this is how it is when me back's turned!" she snarls, frightening Violet so much she drops some glasses on the floor, "Giving freebies to your fella – and everybody else's fella, I shouldn't wonder!" Jason says the pint was paid for, and Ciaran also tries to calm Shelley, but she's not having it. "What is it with fellas? Falling over themselves to protect you! Escort you home all of 50 yards. Can't they see what a user you are?" Violet looks upset, Jason says Shelley is out of order and Shelley says "And you're just thick if you haven't clocked her! Making cow eyes at my Charlie! Would you be in my grave as quick?" Violet can't believe she's hearing this, but Shelley tells her to get her coat and her bag, because she's sacked. Charlie, who has been in the background listening to all of this, shoves his way through to stand next to Violet. He says *he* paid for Jason's pint. "Now get this glass cleared up before someone really hurts themselves," he says, and when Violet stoops to do it he stops her. "No, not you," he says, and looks at Shelley, who obediently crouches down and begins to pick up the broken glass. Charlie squats beside her and says she has to remember that without Violet, Ciaran and Betty, Shelley would be without a job and a home.

"I didn't see her take the money," Shelley protests, in a sleepwalking kind of way. Charlie says even if Violet hadn't taken any money, a few quid would hardly be important after all she's done. He tells her to apologise. Violet says it's unnecessary, but he insists. "I'm sorry," Shelley says quietly to Violet, "I don't know what I was thinking." "You know you've got it all wrong," Violet says. "Me and Jason are really happy." Shelley, in tears now, repeats that she's sorry, and goes upstairs. Ciaran has been watching this entire drama, and looks unsettled.

Blanche is arriving back home from Poland, and complaining already – the "boneshaker" of a taxi has done for her hip replacement already, she says. Deirdre is disappointed to hear that Ken hasn't heard anything from Tracy while they were away. Blanche says Tracy will be in touch as soon as she runs out of cash.

Shelley is back in her habitual residence, the bedroom, but she's in a stroppy mood with Charlie. "Why did you stay down there – with *her*?" she asks him. He says in public he's always her biggest fan, but she says he isn't in private. He says she's the one with the "headaches, the backaches, the period pains, the moods – or rather, the not-in-the-moods. If anyone's being rejected round here, it's me." She says she's all messed up in the head, but it's nothing to do with him (oh, wake up and smell the coffee, woman!). He says he's losing patience with her, and he's got to go to work. He goes.

Emily is trying to buy lamb chops, but Fred and Ashley are in the middle of an argument about the fight with Maddox. Fred calls Ashley a "right Mary Ann" for letting his wife decide whether he'll fight or not.

Lloyd is driving the two boys home, but now Robbie is singing, loudly and tunelessly, about sweets. Mark says it's Robbie's obsessive-compulsive disorder – he has to have sweets on the way home.

Sunita is buying pickled onion crisps in the Kabin. She has a craving for them, and she doesn't stock them in her own shop. Lloyd dashes in to get sweets to pacify the kids, who can be heard outside shouting, "We want sweets!" and blasting the car horn. Unluckily for them, Claire is in the Kabin with Joshua. She goes out and gives the boys a good telling off.

Rita and Emily have gone to see Blanche, and are having tea with her, Deirdre and Ken. They mention that it'll soon be Deirdre's 50th birthday, and she says she doesn't want any kind of fuss about it – she'd rather go to sleep and wake up and be 48 again! While Blanche regales Emily and Rita with stories of Poland (spotlessly clean hospital, apparently, but a surfeit of tinned pears), Deirdre and Ken have a cuddle in the hallway and sneak off upstairs. "You must go away more often!" says Ken.

Lloyd is now trying another tactic with the boys – he gives one of them a Gameboy to play with, and the other a magazine. They both look happy and get into the car. Though in my experience, giving a Gameboy to one child and not the other is a sure-fire recipe for mayhem.

Charlie has come round to Violet's house on the pretext of apologising again for Shelley. He tells her that outbursts, crying fits and paranoia are getting more regular from Shelley and he thinks she's really ill but she refuses to see a doctor. He does a real acting job, making out he's really suffering, and Violet believes him. She takes his hand and tells him Shelley doesn't know how lucky she is. Jason comes in and is quick to put his arm round Violet so Charlie knows where he stands, but Jason is also sympathetic with Charlie about Shelley. As Charlie is leaving, Violet says, "Charlie, thanks – I owe you." "Yeah," he says quietly. Oh dear, Violet, what are you getting yourself into girl?

Sue Haasler

Sadly, this Friday episode starts with Ken and Deirdre getting all lovey dovey. Ewwwww! It's Deirdre's 50th birthday and Ken plans on making the day special, starting with a champagne breakfast and a gift of a bracelet. But it seems Blanche has given Deirdre an old card, and there's been no word from Tracy.

Scooter, who perhaps should be re-nicknamed something water-related (Jet-ski? Barge?) is still going on about the sick fish and has gathered some information proving his point. David keeps on making jokes about it, saying Scooter will be talking baloney to Mrs Maloney. I'm not quite sure why Martin is there at breakfast-time. Did he stay the night? David has also noticed that Martin is always there lately, though it doesn't worry him. "He can stay as long as he likes," he tells his mother when Martin is gone.

The Barlows seem set for a day of visitors. Bev arrives and is given a glass of champagne. While Ken is out of the room, Deirdre tells Bev she's sure Ken's got another surprise for her. She says she's having a lovely day and is glad she married Ken. "Nothing can upset me today."

Jason and Charlie are talking. Jason can't understand why Charlie still puts up with Shelley. Charlie says he worries about Shelley. "If she had spots or a broken leg she'd get everyone's sympathy, but because her problems are emotional, all she gets are dirty looks." He tells Jason he's sure Jason would do the same thing if it was Violet with the problems.

Scooter has gone to see Mrs Maloney. "I don't know about where you are from," she says, "but in this country we have a saying: A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." Scooter points out that he's from Manchester. He tries to explain that he does know about fish and hopes to own some koi carp some day. That just makes her think he's trying to buy them cheap. "I hired you to deliver a skip, not to tell me how to look after fish." She tells him her husband was a member of the Koi Society for 20 years. Scooter wants to know how he could possibly let the fish get into this state, then. "He's dead," she tells him. And, almost crying, she adds: "I do exactly the same for those fish as he did. Fish die sometimes. They're like people in that respect.

In the butchers' shop, Fred and Ashley are bickering, with Fred implying that Ashley is a coward (this is the man who volunteered Ashley to fight in his place, remember!). Through the door swaggers Marvin Maddocks. If you haven't seen him yet, you should know that he's a Maddocks version of Ashley -- sort of a negative impression, with bad where Ashley is good, but with a funny high voice! For some reason he is talking in rhyme. "I've just popped in to say hello. Next time we meet I'll deliver a blow." He implies that Ashley is hiding behind Claire and then starts saying that Claire is Speccy Four-Eyes and is ugly, unlike his own partner. Of course, this has the same effect on Ashley as if you'd prodded a tiger with a pointy stick. Fred stops him from jumping on Marvin and beating him to a pulp, which he looks quite capable of at the moment. Ashley breathes deeply and comes up with a rhyme of his own: "I won't hit you here where it's just you and me. I'll do it in public where everyone can see."

Claire is trying to give Lloyd a lesson in how to control children. "A driver should be in charge of the cab like a teacher is in charge of the classroom," she tells him.

Steve walks round the corner of the street just in time to see Tracy getting out of a cab in front of her parents' house. He rushes over and she's very sweet to him. She tells him they've both been silly and admits she's missed him and that's why she's come back. She suggests she get settled and then they can get together and talks things over. "Could you give me a hand getting my bags inside?" He happily obliges. "Now get lost!" Tracy hisses at him when that's done. His jaw drops. "Now you know how it feels to be lied to." (I think Steve just had to ask Roy how that felt. Tracy is such a hypocrite!) She goes inside and slams the door in his face.

Inside, Tracy is welcomed by her mother and by the latest visitor, Emily, despite admitting she'd forgotten it was Deirdre's birthday. Deirdre goes to see to Blanche as Ken walks in. Emily says she must be going because she doesn't want to get in the way of Ken's big surprise. He looks a bit stunned. Tracy takes what she thinks is a hint and tells him she won't get in the way, either.

Next door, Charlie finds Shelley downstairs and dressed. He rushes over to kiss her but she turns away, telling him "Not here, Charlie." He suggests upstairs, but it seems that won't do, either. She tells him she'll be all right tonight. We see a bit of the real Charlie as he tells her that he wants to enjoy himself and if he can't tonight then he'll go elsewhere. Shelley promises she'll try really hard and it'll be fine.

Gail invites Martin to tea as they chat in the bar, but he doesn't want to listen to Scooter going on about fish again. Gail tells him Scooter is just standing up for what he believes in and Martin admits that if Scooter was leading Sarah into drink and drugs he'd have something to complain about. Gail agrees. "First it was saving rubbish, now it's life." "Pond life," Martin points out. Gail thinks Scooter might eventually amount to something. "That's if our David doesn't torment him to death first," Martin points out.

Blanche and Deirdre are having a nice mother-daughter chat, with Deirdre being very understanding about Blanche not being able to get out to get her a nice card. There's a knock on the door and both wonder if it's Ken, until Blanche points out that Ken's got a key. "Maybe it's so big he can't get it through the door," Deirdre says, her eyes lighting up.

But there, waiting on the doorstep, is a fairly apprehensive Liz, not quite sure what the reception will be. Deirdre tells her she's glad Liz came because she's been wanting to make up. She says Tracy has come home, and that was a surprise. "She's full of 'em," says Liz. Wrong move. Deirdre goes into a neck frenzy and they can both forget the making up. Liz blames Tracy, Deirdre blames Steve, and the door of No 1 shuts out a McDonald for the second time in a day.

At Gail's, Scooter is, surprise, going on about fish. Gail tries to calm him down, but Scooter says he can't get the koi out of his head. "Must be a bit cramped with them swimming round in there," David says, only to be verbally batted down by both parents. Scooter doesn't care what David says. He wants to make sure those fish don't die.

If I said the words "Deirdre" and "Ken" and "snuggle" in the same sentence, we'd have the next scene. They're on their own on the sofa and Deirdre says she's been very patient all day, so could she have her surprise now? Ken's surprised. Deirdre told him not to organise a surprise. So he didn't. But she told him she didn't want a surprise, fully expecting that he'd ignore her. Instead, he did what she asked. If that sounds confusing, you might want to skip the rest of the conversation, which was a Corrie version of "Who's On First", only not as clever. Ken and Deirdre end up giggling together with Deirdre saying she's had a lovely day.

In Shelley's bedroom, it's getting anything but snuggly. Shelley, who promised she would, won't. Charlie is very tetchy. He says he doesn't want to spend his life locked in there, so he's leaving. He won't tell Shelley how long he'll be.

Tracy has gone home, saying Liz went into the Rovers and she didn't want a scene. Deirdre says Liz loves Amy just as much as they do, but this sends Tracy off on an anti-Steve rant. She says he tried to steal her baby. Ken and Deirdre say he was probably driven to it. After all, Tracy's pulled a few strokes in her time. She agrees with this and says she plans to pull another. "I only came back for one reason, and that's revenge."

The End.
Margaret Carr
(for the Who's On First sketch from Abbott and Costello, try this: http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor4.shtml)

Tracy's back...and doesn't Steve just know it! He follows her down the Street trying to convince her that he's sorry, but she has no intention of letting him see Amy

Fred tells Ashley that he can back out of the fight if he wants to but Ashley is determined to beat up Marvin. Fred then announces himself as Ashley's personal trainer

Liz is telling Bev how nervous she is about her date with Bob and Bev admits that she is jealous

Scooter and Sarah are planning to steal a water sample from a private pond in what is sadly the most interesting storyline of the episode

Fred and Ashley are busy training in the butchers shop...complete with lamb joints for dumbbells

Liz is all ready for her date...or at least she thinks. Bob wants to take her out cycling...and think of Liz's style of fashion and you'll work out how her get up is inappropriate

Tracy turns up at the cab office...to tell Steve he can see Amy for ten minutes...for the price of fifty quid.

After a scene of Ashley punching a skinned pig, we see an even more pathetic sight...Shelley can hardly face going out for a newspaper. Violet offers to do it but Shelley determines that she must do it herself. Unfortunately, and predictably, she can't do it.

Nathan overhears a conversation between Fred and Ashley and in a matter of seconds he is Ashley's new trainer (amazing how many locals seem to know a lot about boxing)

Steve has been tricked...he turns up at the Barlow household and is informed that Tracy has taken Amy with her...to spend the fifty pound he rather dumbly paid up front

Scooter and Sarah carry out their mission and despite their attempts to make it more exciting than it really is, it honestly is just two people filling up a lemonade bottle with pond water. No, honestly.

Charlie has heard about Shelley's inability to leave the pub and Shelley is worried he is going to leave her. He assures her that while he may be worried about her, he won't leave her.

Liz and Bob return from their trip out, and Liz has had an eventful time from the sounds...and looks of it. But, glutton for punishment, she is confident the date isn't over yet.

Sarah tells Scooter that she thinks they should take all the carp from the pond. The worrying thing is, he actually agrees to this plan

Steve is disgusted by Tracy, who returns, complete with a new top. Tracy tells him he will never see Amy

Shelley awkwardly tells Charlie she has something to say. It takes him a while to get it out of her...but he begins to wish he hadn't as she tells him that she wants plastic surgery

Duncan Lindsay

It's breakfast time at the Barlows, and Tracy sits with a long face. Deirdre tells her that no matter what, she can't deny that Steve loves Amy. Ken tells her, "He's her father, you can't change that." Tracy snipes, "Yeah? Well, we'll see about that, he hurt both of us and I'm not going to allow that to happen again."

Over in the café, Bev asks Liz what she has got planned for her big date. Liz is a bit worried, she tells Bev, 'Bob likes the outdoors. He goes on rambles. He's climbed Ben Nevis. The man knows how to use a compass for God's sake. What's wrong with a nice buffet and a dance but no, that wouldn't do for him.' Bev tells her, 'Why not ask Ken? He's known him longer.' Liz isn't so sure but Bev assures her, 'It's Deirdre you've fallen out with, not Ken. He'll understand.'

Over by the counter, Roy is adding to his invention. Leanne opines to Frankie, 'Maybe it's a treadmill for babies, or dwarves. Or something kinky.' Roy sighs, 'I believe you two ladies are still in my employ?' Leanne squawks, 'I have a right to know what it is. It might be dangerous.' Roy informs her, 'Ignorance is dangerous, progress is nothing to be feared.' (Armed with this information, Leanne can now happily bask in her new role as the most dangerous women in the world!)

Feeling somewhat fragile, Sarah gets up to find Scooter gripped with enthusiasm and already planning the carp rescue mission. Seriously hungover, Sarah wails weakly, 'I was drunk. I didn't know what I was saying.' Scooter tells her, 'They are our friends. They need you.' Sarah points out, 'Scooter, they have a seven second memory span.' He smiles, 'I need you babe!' and she is left with little choice but to agree to the madcap scheme before rushing upstairs to be sick.

Talking of creatures with seven second memory spans…..Candice is modeling an outfit for Warren. .... 'Tres elegant n'est pas? It's French. If I'm going to be a model I'm going to have to learn it,' twitters the vacuous one looking like a reject from the Dukes Of Hazard. She tells him she wants to move to Paris. Warren asks, 'And what about me?' She trills, 'You can play for Paris United!' She tells him Weatherfield County is not her idea of the big time and she has goals. Warren wails, 'I have goals too!' Candice sticks her nose even further in the air and snipes, 'Well maybe you should start scoring a few.'

In the Rovers, Steve tells Roy that things have got messy with Tracy. Roy replies, "Do I detect some level of understatement there?"' Steve replies that he is applying for parental responsibility. Roy surprises him by replying, 'I'm sure you know that I had my doubts about your involvement in Amy's life but over the last few months you have proved me wrong. You will be a fine father.' Steve tells him that if it goes to court he will need him to say he is not Amy's father. Roy tells him how hard it was to give Amy up once, 'Now I have to do it again, but she needs a father.' Steve tells him, 'She needs both of us Roy.'

Upstairs, Charlie tells Shelley that plastic surgery is not the answer. (Possibly not but having 13 stone of excess builder removed might do wonders for her.) She tells him, 'I can change my hair, buy new clothes but I can't change my face. All I see are lines, bags, a woman old before her time. I've lost who I am.' Charlie tells her, 'You haven't lost me,' but it seems that poor, deluded Shelly has hers mind set on going under the knife.

In the café, Hayley moans at Roy for agreeing to help Steve. Roy tells her, 'Father's have rights too, Hayley.' She snaps, 'And what about our rights? What do you think Tracy will say when she finds out?' Roy tells her flatly, 'I will not allow that woman to affect my conscience thank you very much.'

As Warren tucks into lunch, Candice tucks into a glass of water. Frankie tells her that modeling isn't all it's cracked up to be. Candice sniffs, 'And what would you know about it?' Warren tells her, 'Mum was the face of Chingford in '92. Her face was all over the bus stops.' Candice replies haughtily, 'Hardly Vogue, is it. Now can you leave me to have my water in peace?' Warren looks at her as if the scales are suddenly falling from his eyes. (And not a moment before time!)

It's the moment of truth as Roy demonstrates his machine. He starts to say, 'I'm not one given to hyperbole...' Frankie whispers to a puzzled Leanne, 'He means bigging himself up!' Hayley tells him perhaps he shouldn't build it up too much. Roy huffs, 'You wouldn't have said that to Thomas Edison.' Leanne cries, 'Who's that Hayley? Ex boyfriend?' Roy informs her he invented the light bulb. Leanne hoots with laughter, 'Oh, bright was he?'

There then follows a seemingly interminable wait for a customer to open the door. At last one does and there is a whirring and clunking and Roy's conveyor belt moves a few inches and deposits three pieces of cutlery in their appropriate trays. The assembled onlookers seems seriously underwhelmed and Frankie tells Roy, 'I bet you wish you'd invented the light bulb now.'

Above the Rovers, Charlie tells Shelley, 'This isn't like buying a pair of shoes you know. If they screw up, you will have to live with it the rest of your life.' Shelley cries, 'I haven't got a life. I'm doing this for us. I want you to be happy for me.' He replies, 'I can't. But if it makes you happy that's all that matters.'

Left on her own, Shelley picks up the phone and dials, 'Hello? I'd like to speak to someone about cosmetic surgery.'

Down in the bar, Jessie and Joanne, rapidly becoming a great double act, tell Ciaran and Jason they are going to an audition, 'It's this new Spanish agency, Viva La Diva. If Naomi Campbell can make it...' Ciaran tells her, 'But she is...' He catches the glare in Jessie's eye, '...tall!' Joanne tells him it's not just about looks, 'It's poise, style, and if the camera loves you.' Jason, like Ciaran, trying to stifle his laughter, pipes up, 'And what if it hates you?' Jessie brandishes her passport in his face, 'Look at that, true love I think you'll find!'

Ciaran overhears Charlie on the phone, 'Course Ciaran won't mind. It's not like he's got a life or anything.' He hangs up and tells Ciaran that Violet will be half hour late coming in. Ciaran growls, 'Who do you think you are? I'm the senior barperson here.' Charlie smirks, 'Does that come with a little name tag?' Ciaran snarls, 'When Shelley isn't around, I run this bar.' Charlie laughs, 'You can't run a tap.'

Just then, Shelley appears and squawks, 'Who's minding the bar?' Ciaran snaps, 'Sorry!' sarcastically and goes back in. Shelley tells Charlie that she has booked a consultation at the clinic for tomorrow.

Out in the street, Candice minces over the cobbles, with a fed up looking Warren in tow, to get a cab to the Viva La Diva auditions. Frankie laughs, 'If that skirt was any shorter it'd be a hat,' as Leanne mimics Candice's affected walk. Lloyd can't quite believe his luck as Candice climbs into his taxi. He can't take his eyes off her, and walks slowly round the car, 'checking the tyres'!

In the taxi, Candice is complaining about Leanne to Warren, 'I don't know what your brother sees her in her. She's so common.' Warren snaps back, 'She's down to earth,' and moans about Lloyd walking round the car ogling her. Candice beams,. 'You'll have to get used to it babe. Famous models are public property.'

At Gail's house, Scooter has carefully planned 'Operation Carp' using Bethany's toys to create a scale model of Mrs Maloney's back garden. (I have to say I don't recall there being a wig-wam in there but Scooter was a lot closer I suppose.) Sarah asks him, 'Before you go any further, can I just ask one question?' Scooter sighs, 'Go on.' 'Why don't we just airlift them out? Meeeeooooooowwwwwmmmmmm!' and swoops Bethany's toy chopper down and scoops the shark from it's cereal bowl pond. Scooter shouts, 'Right, you're dead!' and gives chase around the living room. He finally catches up with her, grabs her from behind and the pair tumble, laughing, over the arm of the sofa..... just as the front door opens. David's eyes light up with malevolent glee as he cackles, 'I don't care what it is, I'm telling Mum!'

A little later, David and Jason find Scooter cleaning out the skip. Jason laughs, 'I thought they are 'supposed' to be dirty' (Given that Scooter has had the same T-short on for three days, the skip isn't the only think that might need a good scrubbing!) David tells him all about the secret rescue mission, 'But don't tell anyone, or you'll get battered.'

Scooter moans, 'Sarah, your brother is telling the whole street.' Jason shouts back, 'Hey, I won't tell anyone mate, honest. Cross my heart and hope to fry!' Scooter cries, 'You lot might not care that a few fish die, but I do.' Sarah assures him, 'I care too.' Jason hears the phone ringing in the yard and tells them he'll catch them later.

He walks into the yard to find a very guilty looking Bev. He ask if he can help her. She replies, 'No,' and he replies, 'If you're looking for Charlie he's...' She cuts him off, 'I'm not,' and hurries from the yard.

It's the Viva La Diva audition and the young hopefuls strut their stuff to the sound of Kylie. One of the judges spots Warren and goes over to him, 'Boring, isn't it?' Warren nods and she tells him, 'I've seen sacks of King Edwards move with more poise and grace than this bunch.' She introduces herself as Julia and shakes hands, her fingers lingering just a little too long as she moves them away. She tells him, 'I hate to tell you this Warren, but you're too short to be a model.' He tells her, 'Oh, no, I play football. I'm here with my girlfriend. Candice.' She looks round, 'Ah, yes. Interesting choice of outfit.' Warren tells her, 'She thinks it looks sexy.'

She replies, 'Don't they all? It would look alright on a street corner I suppose. Anyway, enough about Chantelle. Tell me about yourself.' He tells her about his football etc. She purrs, 'My husband runs a football club in Spain, Real Aquea.' Warren confesses he's never heard of them. She replies, 'Third division I think.' Warren tells her, 'I'm not that good.' She purrs, 'Let me be the judge of that. How old are you?' He tells her he is eighteen and she replies, 'Like my husband, I'm always on the lookout for new talent.'

She returns to her seat to be confronted with talent the like of which she has never seen before as Jessie puts the Div in Diva in quite spectacular style.

Back at the Rovers, Violet finally arrives for work and tells Ciaran, 'Thanks for covering for me.' He snaps at her, 'Don't thank me, thank Charlie. I only work here!' Charlie tells Violet, 'You've had your hair done, it looks nice.' She smiles, 'I doubt Jason will notice.' Charlie laughs, 'He's the same with me. I've stopped making the effort.' She asks if he wants a drink but he tells her he better get back upstairs. She replies, 'Yeah, she must get lonely.' He smiles, 'She's got me. What else could a woman want?'

All hell is let loose at the auditions, as Jessie and Joanne are rejected, and then ejected! Jessie tells them that they can't do this, she's got hidden talents. (Very well hidden!) Julia retorts, 'Yeah, lose about five stone and maybe we'll be able to see them!' Joanne screeches, 'I'm not having you talk to my sister like that!' and lunges at her, only to be held back by a security guard. Cool as ice, Julia tells Jessie, 'And you can take Mini Me with you.' She tells the rest they are taking a ten minute break and as she climbs the stairs she gives Warren a knowing smile.

Candice splutters, 'She 'so' fancies you!' Warren braces himself for her to have a fit of jealousy but to his astonishment Candice tells him, 'Go and talk to her. Chat her up!' He asks what he is supposed to say to her. Candice enthuses, 'Me! Get over there and talk me up!'

Liz calls at No 1 and asks Ken if she can have a word. He grimaces, 'I'd rather not get involved Liz. It's between you and Deirdre.' She explains that this is about Bob and the date and Ken, much relieved, tells her that while he doesn't know Bob all that well, he does remember him saying something about boats. Unfortunately Tracy arrives and immediately snarls, 'You've got a cheek. What do you think you are doing here?' Just as a major row is brewing, Steve spots the assembly and races over and wastes no time in telling Tracy that he is applying for parental responsibility. Tracy snorts that he has no chance. Steve replies, 'Well we'll see what the judge has to say after Roy has testified.' Tracy's smirk is wiped from her face and Steve smirks triumphantly, 'Oh, got nothing to say to that? But Tracy quickly pulls herself together and replies, her face a picture of innocence, 'I went out and slept with a bloke, didn't know his name. Didn't ask, didn't care. I might be a slag, your honour, but Steve Macdonald is not the father of my baby!'

At the Barlows Ken is told to take Amy so Deirdre can talk to Tracy. As he goes Deirdre says she just can't lie in court. Tracy snaps, saying "Why not, everyone else does" She says she loved Steve but he didn't love her. Deirdre begs with her. Tracy says all Steve wanted was Amy. Deirdre reminds her that Steve is still Amy's dad. "He was. He isn't any more" Tracy says.

Candice is being interviewed by Julia, asking why she wants to be a model. She does not answer. Julia answers for her saying she wants to make a different and get into C-list celebrity parties. Candice agrees. "Well forget it because it's never going to happen, for three reasons" She says they way she dresses and her bum is all over the place. "What do you think Warren sees in you?" Candice replies, "He loves me" Julia tells her not as much as she loves herself and says she's nothing special.

Liz enters the Rovers and sits next to Deirdre. She is thanked for coming and Deirdre says she is not going to defend Tracy and does not want to fight. Liz asks, "So what 'do' you want? To tell me that your daughter is an evil, nasty, spiteful, lying little bitch? Well no need, I've already got the T-shirt" Deirdre angry implies Steve broke her heart and didn't want to know Amy. Liz snaps back saying that wasn't his fault. "I suppose it wasn't his fault he got her pregnant either" Deirdre fights back. Liz says that was a mistake, then says she didn't mean it after all goes silence. Deirdre says she misses the two of them and Liz replies "Well you always know were I am… if you want an fight" Deirdre does not want to take sides and thinks every thing will sort it's self out. Liz says when Tracy wins and walks away.

In the café Roy thinks with a few adjustments to the invention, he will be able to power the light in the ladies toilet. Hayley goes to get the door when someone knocks. It's a reporter. "Mr Cropper. I've come about the gizmo! I'm from The Gazette. Your invention is becoming famous" He corrects him, "My grandfather's invention, actually" The reporter asks if he's going to get invited in.

At the Arm Bev asks Steve what's wrong. He says about Tracy saying he's not the father. He continues saying it was one night and a mistake, and this is why its hurts. "It hurts so much because Amy means the world to you Steve" Bev says. Steve remembers the first time Amy fell asleep in his arms. Bev tells him about when she brought Shelley home. She watched her all the time until she realized she was breathing exactly the same as her. "Amy's a part of you Steve. Nothing in the world can change that"

Back at the Café Roy is telling the reporter about the invention. He reminds him that it's his granddad invention. Hayley goes to open the door so they can give a demonstration. The cutlery does not go into the tray. The reporter goes to take a picture and asks Roy to be in it. Roy says again to make sure he says it's his granddads.

Upstairs in the bedroom of the Rover Shelley asks Charlie what he's thinking. He says the ceiling needs done, and says they would do with a skylight as they are always stuck up here. Shelley says it won' t be for long and talks about what the woman told her at the clinic. Charlie says, "Looking different on the outside won't make you feel better on the inside" Charlie says he's fed up and leans over and starts to touch her. She pushes him away. He gets up and walks to the bedroom door. She cries, "Charlie, I'll let you" He gives her a look and walks out.

Sarah and Scooter come out the house. Sarah asks him, "Right, are you ready?" Scooter replies, "I was born ready. It's funny but it feels like I've been waiting my whole life to do something like this" He puts fishing nets and a bucket in the side of the skip. David looks at the skip and with a big smile says, "It's not exactly the Italian job, is it?" Sarah smiling says, "Right you, if mum asks you haven't seen us and don't know where we are, alright?" David laughs, "Ooh I dunno, sounds a bit fishy to me" Sarah smiling gives him a wee push, "Do as you're told because when we get back, you're next" Scooter jokes, "We'll need a bigger skip for him" They get in and drive away.

Violet gives Charlie his pint. He says, "Have one yourself?" She thanks him and says later. Charlie says he will hold her to that. Hayley does not want Roy to be disappointed with the report. Tracy sees them and threatens the Croppers and tells them that if Roy testify for Steve, she'll make sure they won't see Amy again. Roy tells her, "You cannot threaten us. I will tell the truth" Hayley says they won't interfere between her and Steve. Tracy smirking says they can have Amy all day Sunday. As Tracy leaves, Roy says, "How could you? She is again using Amy to manipulate us" Hayley replies, "I 'have' to see Amy. For once, you and I are going to be selfish" Candice shouts at Warren as its 'his' fault she didn't get chosen, "I've put a hundred and fifty percent into your career" He tells her to give it a rest. Violet approaches Charlie, who's on the fruit machine, she asks, "You winning?" He replies, "Not really, but the night's still young" and gives a wink.

Sarah is in the garden. Scooter is just coming over the fence. She shines the torch in his face and he falls. Sarah smiles and laughs telling him, "Do it again, do it again" The pair are silent when the neighbour is shouting for her dog. They creep to the pond. Sarah passes Scooter a net. "Here…what's up?" Scooter replies, "They look even worse" Sarah says, "Oh, please tell me that fish is asleep?" Sarah goes into the pond saying, "Hello. I don't know if you understand me, but am here to help" and starts to catch the fish in the net.

Everyone is gone from the Rovers and Charlie is getting Violet that drink she said she would have later. Laughing she says, "You said one drink" He tips it into the same glass. "See its still one drink" Violet replies, "You do magic, whoo" He says he also makes people disappear, she asks him to show her. "Would Shelley please reveal herself" He says. Violet says that's not funny and she feels weird about this already because Shelley was going to sack her. "And the amazing Mr. Stubb's saved your job" he says. He says they need another drink, but Violet is tired. He says, "You're not. Am just boring" Violet laughing says, "You read minds as well" She asks what she's thinking now and he replies, humbugs, iron boards and that she fancies him. Violet says, "You really fancy yourself" he says someone has too. Violet asks what he's drinking.

Back to the fish rescue. Scooter says, "I think that's all of them" Sarah replies, "Yip" and hands the net back to Scooter. As she turns round to get out of the pond she trips and falls making a loud splash. The neighbour's head appears over the fence. "What on earth do you think you're doing?" she says. Scooter replies, "Nothing" Sarah says, "We're saving the fish" The woman screams for her husband to call the police. The pair are shocked and start to run. Sarah says, "Wait for me" Scooter has the fish in the skip. Sarah says, "Come on Scooter, come on" They get in and hurry away.

At the Rovers Charlie and Violet are still having a laugh. She makes him a pineapple surprise. She asks why he's with Shelley as that's not his normal type of girl. She says Jason normally is not her type. Her phone goes off, it's a text from Jason asking where she is. The pair sit down again. Violet's phone goes off again. "I think he's getting worried" Charlie says. She does not really care. Charlie moves closer to her and asks, "What am I thinking" She says she's seen that look and gets up and while she passes Charlie he takes her hand and sits her back down. He starts kissing her. She tells him to stop but kisses him back. He puts his finger on her lips and tells her to stay there as he goes to the toilets. Violet all alone suddenly thinks, she grabs her bag and heads for the door. Charlie returns and she says, "'I'm sorry. I... I can't. Please.... Please don't tell Jason" he replies, "You sound just like that stupid slag upstairs" Violet goes out the door.

Annie Logan and Amanda Souter

Written (brilliantly) by: Chris Parker
Directed by: Ritta-Leena Lynn

Sean is reading a horoscope to Violet: You are still feeling the tremors of a recent encounter. And, by the look of her (very mopey indeed), she certainly is. But don't relax, Sean continues reading, The biggest eruption is still to come and you've only yourself to blame. Just as well this is Sean's stars and not Violet's. The twins arrive (I must learn their names) with a present for Sean – a cardboard box containing a white rabbit. And it's not even a dead one! It's so he can have a crack at Dr Doolittle, the smaller twin explains to Eileen. Or Tim Nice-But-Dim as Jason calls him, to which Sean retorts: That's why *he's* a vet and *you* play with bricks all day long. Good point well made. Jason says that today he's in charge of the bricks, while Charlie is trying to sort Shelley's head out or summat. Violet is looking guilty/ashamed. After Jason's gone out, she asks Sean to ring the pub for her and say she's ill; she says she doesn't feel right.

Looking out of her bathroom window, Gail spots something unusual. There's a skip full of water and koi carp parked where her back garden fence used to be. Downstairs, David is confidently predicting that Gail is going to slaughter Scooter, and her banshee wail of SCOOOOTER! would tend to suggest he's correct.

Now from one unusual sighting to another – Shelley is actually smiling. She's looking forward to her consultation with the plastic surgeon, but the thought of leaving the house makes her feel wobbly again. Charlie is being quite supportive, and she says when she's better she'll mark the start of her new life by. . . redecorating the bedroom.

Gail's fuchsias are in tatters, and her temper is likewise. She isn't swayed by Sarah's protests that fish are living things: For heaven's sake, Sarah, this is real life, not Free Willy! For your information, Willy was real! Sarah says. And he wouldn't have lasted five minutes in a skip! replies Gail (another good point well made). As for Scooter, Gail is not impressed: You're a grown man and you've got fish in a skip! Now get ‘em out of here and grow up!

Gail doesn't have *all* the best lines. Ken is quoting Shakespeare to Blanche and Deirdre, something pertinent to Blanche needing to be patient regarding her recovery. Blanche is not giving Deirdre and Ken an easy time (who'd have guessed?).

On the other hand, the Bard can't hold a candle to Sean in the great quotes department. He tells the vet's receptionist that his rabbit needs an emergency appointment: I've had Snowflake on two trams and a bendy bus to get here. Art Garfunkle's got it right, if you look past the perm. Have you ever heard Bright Eyes? ‘How can the light that burns so bright suddenly burn so pale?' He manoeuvres the rabbit round so she can see its little pink eyes. Don't, it chokes me up, she says. But Sean's a bit choked to hear that it's Tim's day off, and the rabbit's needs are suddenly not quite as urgent.

Over at Roy's Rolls, Candice asks Frankie to have a word with Warren, to let him know she's sorry about having a go at him. Candice is depressed at the thought that her modeling/showbiz/whatever career may never happen, but Frankie reassures her. Meanwhile, Roy isn't happy with the article about him in the newspaper, which doesn't mention that the invention was originally his grandfather's. Vera thinks he should be more worried about the article's description of him as a colourful character, which according to Vera is a polite way of saying you're a thumb short of a mitten. Roy says he's brought ridicule on his grandfather's invention, and he's going to give it up.

Now we have the very rare sight of Shelley actually outdoors. She's walking to the van with Charlie, when he spots Violet and calls to her. Shelley bolts to the safe refuge of the van. He implies he doesn't believe that Violet is really ill, and she says she just has a headache. Poor old Jason, eh? he smirks.

Violet is coming out of the baker's when she meets Jason, who says, Charlie give you the nod, did he? Guilty Violet reads too much into this innocent question – Jason merely meant had Charlie given Violet permission to leave the Rovers and come and see him. Violet points out that Charlie isn't her boss, and that she's off sick anyway with a thumping headache. Violet goes back home, and a disgruntled Jason goes into Roy's Rolls to have lunch alone. Bev, who has been hovering nearby, realises that the builders' yard must be empty, and she goes up the stairs.(b

Warren comes into Roy's Rolls, looking upset. He tells Frankie that his football club is not renewing his contract. The manager has told him that they've given him a try but he isn't good enough. Poor lamb, he's distraught.

Also in the café, a dapper little man in a bow tie introduces himself to Roy as Andrew Audenshaw. He says he read about Roy's energy device in the newspaper. Roy thinks he's come to have a laugh: A gawper, are you? A loiterer at the grave of a dead man's ambition? A ghoul, essentially? The man appears to be genuinely interested, however, and begs Roy for a demonstration.

Bev is in Charlie's office going through his filing cabinet (pausing only to sniff his jacket lustfully, which is a little bizarre). She looks through the things on the desk too, but can't seem to find what she wants.

Sean, Fiz and the twins are at the Rovers. The rabbit is sitting in his cardboard box on the table. They're talking about what Sean can do next in his pursuit of the lovely Tim, but Sean says he's just going to have to stay single. He goes to the bar, and asks Betty if she ever gets lonely living on her own. She says she's used to it now, and she has a little cat called Marmaduke who keeps her company. Sean says, I bet those vet bills are expensive, and Betty has to admit they are – Marmaduke is due for his injections and it does cost a lot. Sean says he may be able to help her.

Bev is going through a folder of papers in Charlie's office and takes them out onto the balcony for a closer look, when she spots Jason on his way back. She hurries inside. Luckily for her, Jason is intercepted by Eileen who wants Jason to do the week's shopping – although she says she's half woman, half trolley, she says Jason can give himself an early finish because he's in charge for the day. She also tells him to run Violet a bath and make her a cup of tea when he gets home. Bev makes her escape, with a stack of papers under her cardigan.

Blanche is at home being dramatic about being a burden to Deirdre and Ken. She says if she ever gets too much to cope with they should boot her out: I'd rather that than see you back in the divorce court. They assure her she's no trouble at all – so she dispatches Ken to the Kabin to get her a magazine.

Roy has found a kindred spirit in Mr Audenshaw (I'm detail-oriented by nature), who is every bit as gripped by Roy's grandfather's invention as Roy is himself. He wants to make an offer. He apparently owns a chain of environmentally-friendly hotels, and proposes to use the invention to generate energy via the revolving doors. He asks Roy if his company could use the invention, and Roy replies that he believes it's what Royston would have wanted.

Shelley is back in her bedroom, and is happy about the consultation with the cosmetic surgeon, who put her mind at ease about the aftermath of the surgery (tiny incisions and stitches as fine as hairs, apparently). She says she feels clearer in her head knowing it's going to happen. Charlie looks pleased, but a moment later she takes out an eyeliner pencil and starts drawing lines on her face (think ‘Nip/Tuck'), saying she'll remember the moment when the surgeon did that as being the point where her life changed for the better. He sits next to her. All the same, it's still surgery, Shell, he points out. I know! she says, eyes twinkling above the two thick black stripes on her cheeks, I can't wait! Oh dear.

Violet comes to see Jason at work, to apologise for being short with him earlier. She says her headache was bad, but also she was in one of her moods. Not because of him, she reassures him. He says he'll get her a nice hot bath and a nice cup of tea when they get home (where did he get that idea?). I don't deserve you, do I? she says, and he hugs her. Charlie has loomed into the background and sees this, and Violet sees him looking and tells Jason. Charlie tells Jason, I'm very glad to see you giving her what she needs. She's a bit fragile, this one. He tells Jason to take her home and give her plenty of TLC, Then hopefully, my love, he says to Violet, We'll see you right as rain in the morning. Poor Violet looks very uncomfortable, and Charlie looks smug.

Frankie and Warren are in the Rovers, and Danny comes in. Warren tells him his news, and Danny's response is, Hard luck. Frankie thinks he ought to have more to say than that, and he says, If you want gutted, I'm gutted, but shocked and stunned I'm not. Frankie has a go at him, saying Warren put his heart and soul into that club, but Danny doesn't think making out the world is against him will help. But he says he knows how Warren is feeling and tells him not to worry because they'll work something out. Candice bounces in, and Warren tells her what's happened. With typical Candice self-absorption, she says, I'd better pinch meself, because this is *not* happening to me! How could you do this to me? First you get me rejected by the modeling agency, and now you're not even a footballer any more! I am! he protests.

No you're not. If you're not a member of a football club you are not a footballer. End of. You're just a stupid little boy. And I've been wasting my time standing in the freezing cold watching a kid kicking a ball around and ruining my shoes in the process. She says everyone will be laughing at them. Danny tells her to calm down, but she's in full flow now. You made me think you were going somewhere, but all the time you've been holding me back. You're going nowhere, because you're a loser. We're so finished. She walks out, leaving Warren in tears.

Sue Haasler

Hello, and off we go, straight into Shelley's bedroom, where Charlie is getting dressed. She asks him if he's free in August, because once the operation's over and the swelling has gone down, she'd like them to go on holiday, somewhere hot. He wonders how they can do that if she has a panic attack any time she goes out the door. "It'll be different, won't it," she says. "You tell me," Charlie says. "After my operation, I'll be able to face the world," she says. She tells Charlie she knows she's been hard to live with and thanks him for being so supportive. "I just wish everyone was." She tells him she thinks Violet might be swinging the lead.

In the Grimshaw household, Violet is still unwell. You can tell this because, in time-honoured soap fashion, she is clutching a cushion. Sean is hoeing into his breakfast. Actually, it's more like a shovel than a hoe. He's pouring a good helping of cereal from each of at least five different cereal boxes. He's talking non-stop, telling Jason and Violet he's getting as much roughage as he can. "Regular movements. That's the key to an active life," he says. Violet tells Jason, in a conversation that is taking place with Sean as wallpaper, that she just wants to go back to bed and pull the covers up over her head. Sean might be talking, but he's listening, too. "I've had days like that," he says. In fact, he once had a whole January like that. But today is a happy day. It's a happy day because he's going to see his one true love, even if his one true love doesn't realise he is Sean's one true love. Or maybe he's known all along. Vets are tricky like that. Sean has completely missed the fact that Jason and Violet have both left the room.

In the salon, Maria asks why Candice would keep going on about Warren this and Warren that, if she was just going to dump him. Candice explains to Maria, Audrey, and a head of silver foil that turns out to be Bev, that Warren was her first celebrity boyfriend. "But if I want to be recognised as a celebrity girlfriend, I've got to move in different circles." She thinks she needs to be with premiership footballers or pop stars. Audrey is quite rocked by this. Bev has had her own brush with a celebrity. "George Best bought me a drink once," she says. Audrey doesn't say "tosh" out loud, but her body language does. "Oh, George Best bought all of us a drink!" she points out. Just as Liz comes in, Audrey points out to Candice that she'd do better if she got a lad with both feet on the ground. Liz thinks one with both feet in bed would be better. "Ladies," says Candice in the patronising voice used by the very young. "You're all just jealous because I am climbing the celebrity ladder." She explains that it's like buying a mansion or a top model of car. You usually can't get the mansion or the luxury car straight away, but start small and work your way up. "So Warren's like a grotty bedsit?" asks Audrey. "Or a Robin Reliant," suggest Liz. "Well, yeah, I guess," Candice admits, to the hearty laughter of everyone else.

In the yard, Charlie can't find an invoice. Jason isn't that interested. He confides in Charlie, saying Violet has been sick in the mornings and he thinks she's pregnant but scared to tell him.

Betty delivers Marmaduke, her cat, to Sean. She tells him to bring Marmaduke to the Rovers once he's had his shots. She'll have a nice piece of fish waiting.

Strangely, this link does not take us to Scooter but back to the salon. Bev and Liz are chatting and Bev tells Liz about taking the paperwork from Charlie's office. Liz tells Bev that she's going on a date with Bob. Because he likes boats, she's booked them a dinner-dance on board a Liverpool ferry.

We switch now to the rarely seen back room of the salon, where Audrey is laying clean sheets over the treatment table. When was the last time they had anyone there for a facial or a massage? Maybe she changes the sheets annually. Gail is telling her all about Scooter and the fish and admits she shouted. Audrey is disapproving. Gail tells her she'll try to stay calm. She plans to count to 100 then scream quietly to herself.

Sean is waiting at the vet's, making strange conversation with other people waiting. Tim comes out and calls "Marmaduke Tully" but it takes a second or two for Sean to recognise that this is him. He goes through in the examination room.

In the cafe, Roy is showing Hayley and nice framed picture of his granddad. He's sold the patent for the energy device to Mr Oldenshaw. Hayley's sure he's given it away, but Roy says they did agree a price and he got enough out of it to get the frame for the picture. Bev and Ciaran are also in the cafe. She tells him she took the paperwork and he wonders if it will reveal anything incriminating about Charlie's business practices. If it does, she can alert his clients. Bev is so enthusiastic about this it seems to scare Ciaran.

Sean is in chat mode, still. Betty doesn't get out much, he tells Tim. "I mean, I do what I can for her, mow her lawns in summer, sing carols at Christmas, so when she said Marmaduke here needed his jab there was nothing for me to do -- I had to take the morning off work, tell me, do you have any pets?" Tim says no. Sean continues: "I suppose you've got enough of them in here, haven't you, it would be like me having a sewing machine at home, actually I did used to have a sewing machine but that was before I worked at the factory, I was doing modeling then -- catalogues -- I've got a few clippings, me in cashmere-wool mix looking pensive -- tell me, do you like cats?" Tim's more a dog person. "Oh, me too, I could never have a cat, I've got a dog, me, myself -- I'm surprised you've not seen me with her, we're rarely apart, we dote on each other..." He's mercifully interrupted by Tim, who wants to know how old Marmaduke is. Sean isn't sure. "Betty's had him ages, and she's nearly 100." Tim tells him he has some bad news.

Sean bursts into the factory. "I've killed Betty's cat!" He's distraught, but Kelly quite calmly admits she once poisoned a cat because it's meowing was annoying her. Sean can't bring himself to tell Betty because the shock might be too much. "If she doesn't get that telegram from the queen it'll be all my fault."

In the chippie, Sarah and Scooter are talking about what they should do with the fish. They tell Maria about liberating them. Cilla's interested. "Giving them away, are you? I'll have a word with the boss if you like." Scooter's horrified and wants to know what kind of fish they serve. Cilla doesn't know. "As long as you shove enough batter on an old boot and this lot round here would eat it."

Warren and Frankie are sitting outside. He's weeping as he tells his mum how bad it feels to be dumped by your club and then by your girlfriend. Maria comes out and tells them Candice is already flicking through magazines looking for lists of most eligible bachelors. Frankie tells Warren it shows he didn't mean much to Candice in the first place. "She's nothing but an empty-headed little slapper."

Fizz has escorted Sean to the pub. Betty's not in the bar. Sean says he's not going to tell her in the kitchen, "not near any knives." Ciaran says he hopes Sean's got Marmaduke with him, because Betty's been fretting. Sean confesses that Marmaduke's gone to the big kitty litter in the sky.

Jason pops back home to see Violet. He tells her she doesn't need to worry about telling him the truth. He's made up about it and he'll be a good Dad. Violet is quite overcome that Jason's so excited about the idea, but she tells him she's not pregnant. She hugs him and tells him she loves him.

Frankie stops Candice in the street. "What?" asks a grumpy Candice. "Don't you 'what' me, you over-made-up trollop! Who do you think you are, kicking my Warren when he's down?" She tells Candice she took her side when everyone else was calling her an empty-headed bimbo, "and all the time you were using my Warren." Candice protests that she loved Warren. "No you didn't. You just loved the doors being held open for you, but you are nothing but a back-street little tart with no talent, no brains, no future and no mates!" She tells Candice that she's broken Warren's heart. Warren is at home sobbing his guts out. With that, her front door opens and Warren dances out, whoopin' and hollerin'. "Yes! Result! Mum! Mum!" He's just had a call from the club. He's being transferred to a first division side. It's Real Aguila -- first division in Spain!

In the pub kitchen, Sean tells Betty to sit down. He's got some bad news. He doesn't really need to say any more. Sean says he knows he should have called and let her make the decision, but Tim said Marmaduke was very ill and he just panicked. Betty blames herself. Marmaduke had been off his food for a while and she should have taken him to the vet herself.

Gail finds Frankie moping in the street. Frankie is upset that Warren's going to Spain. Gail says at least the weather is better there than in Nottingham, where her Nick is. She tells Frankie to come home with her and have a drink, then pull herself together and put on a brave face. "It's what us Mums do."

As in every good household, there's a bottle of vodka on Bev's coffee table. She settles down on the sofa and pulls Charlie's paperwork towards her.

Ciaran is pleading with Shelley to come down. He can't cope on his own. He might as well put a sign on the door telling people to try the Weatherfield Arms or the Flying Horse. Shelley says she'll phone Fred and see if he can help, but she can't come down. Ciaran says he needs a barmaid, not a butcher. "This place is a joke, a flaming joke!" he says. Shelley goes back into her room and looks in the mirror, pulling the skin tight across her face. "Not long now," she says to herself.

Bev takes a sip of her drink and dials a Mr Hargreaves. She tells him she's a wellwisher and thought he should know that Charlie overcharges. "Are you married, Mr Hargreaves?" He is. She thinks he should talk to his wife. "Charlie's been telling everyone he slept with your wife."

Betty has gone to the vet's to see Marmaduke. From the size of the draped form, I think Marmaduke was really a small Labrador. Tim leaves her alone with her pet. She lifts the cloth and chokes back the tears. "Oh, Marmaduke. Oh my little one. Sleep tight, my precious."

The End.
Pass me the tissues.

Margaret Carr

Well isn't this an emotional moment...my last Sunday update for you all! *sob* As of next week Anne Logan will be taking this post...so onto my last Sunday review!

Violet isn't overly keen on going into work and Sean can tell, but she refuses the opportunity to talk to him about it

Frankie is upset over the news of Warren's transfer (and she is the only one) so Danny tries to cheer her up saying that he'll behave badly within weeks, ruining it all (quite like his Corrie career then?) but an offended Warren overhears and vows not to muck it up. Candice pops by and is delighted when Warren asks to meet her in the Rovers for a drink.

Bev asks Liz how her big date went...and the answer is far from positive. Apparantly Bob gets easily sea sick and was vomiting everywhere. Over the road, Charlie is preparing to take Shelley for her surgery while Violet anxiously steps inside the Rovers. Shelley is panicking about her surgery and needs more time to think but Charlie snaps at her saying she should have it done.

Leanne has been told that instead of a break by the seaside she is heading to an AA meeting with carol. Her mood doesn't improve when a drunken Carol greets Jamie with love and hugs and Leanne with insults. Leanne declares furiously that they are leaving!

There's melee in the Rovers...Betty is off and Shelley is still upstairs...Violet tells Charlie she could walk but he tells her he wouldn't want that.

Warren and Candice sits down in the pub and he tells her that although he has forgiven her, they have to part for the sake of their career prospects...but she won't be forgotten. As he gets up and leaves, a tearful Candice is heartbroken...or moreso disappointed her dreams of celeb status are rapidly fading.

Charlie catches up with Violet, clearly irritated by her behaviour. She tells him she loves Jason more now that she's had the prospect of losing him. She tells him to back off.

Fiz and Kirk are with Mr and Mrs Sutherland as are Tyrone and Maria and the couple make an announcement...they're leaving to Cyrus and leaving Maria and Kirk the kennels!

As Leanne and Jamie continue to row, The Baldwins bid farewell to Warren as Candice watches sadly

The long and winding carp saga continues as Sarah and Scooter sneak past a park keeper and release the fish into the pond...just as the police turn up. They are not interested in Scooter's long drivel and arrest them on the spot

Maria is unimpressed with her inheritance and is being rather awkward when her parents say that either she or Kirk will have to stop at nights at the kennels.

Danny has finally persuaded Leanne to come join him for a night of pampering at a posh hotel. She runs off eagerly to fetch her toothbrush, obviously now finding it easier to cheat as she's rowed with Jamie.

Charlie corners Violet and confronts her about the supposed mixed signals she's been giving him. She tells him she doesn't want it to happen again. He tells her he thinks it does and a frightened Violet pushes past him and flees into Sean wailing she never should have let Charlie kiss her. Sean embraces his weeping friend.

Anne Logan will cover Sunday nights as of next week

Duncan Lindsay

Greetings all. This is my last Monday report due to work commitments. I'm swapping with Duncan so he'll be doing the first Monday episode from now on, and, as he's told you, I'll be covering Sunday nights.

It's early morning at the Grimshaw residence, and Violet is sitting looking thoroughly miserable. She is in despair and is dreading being left alone with Charlie. Sean asks, 'Why? Do you think you'll be tempted again?' She tells him, 'No, but he might. He's already starting this whole cat and mouse thing with me.' Sean, referring to the disaster with Betty's Marmaduke, tells her, 'Don't mention the c word. A little old lady is waking up to an empty litter tray this morning thanks to yours truly.'

Violet isn't amused, and tells him, 'Sean, this is serious.' Sean replies, 'Look, I will make sure you are never alone with Charlie. Whenever you've got to work late I'll be there, right by your side like a little guardian angel.' She thanks him, and he tells her, 'That's you sorted then, but what are we going to do about my problem?' Jason walks in just then and catches the end of the conversation. He sniggers, 'Your problem? You could always try electric shock treatment.'

Violet tells him that Sean is very upset over Betty's cat. Jason shrugs, 'Well just get her a new one then.' Sean retorts, 'And where am I supposed to find a cat that could never come close to replacing her beloved Marmaduke?' Jason tells him, 'I dunno. Why don't you try asking that Tim the vet bloke? You fancy him rotten anyway, don't you?' Sean's eyes light up as he realises he now has a perfect opportunity to visit Tim again.

In some hotel room, Danny and Leanne are eating breakfast in bed together, a clear message in soap language that they have spent the night together. Interspersed with conversation about the relative merits of red or brown sauce on bacon, Leanne asks Danny if he loves Frankie. He tells her he loves her more than any women he has ever known. She asks, 'Then why do this?' He replies, 'Ever been skiing?' She shakes her head. He tells her, 'When you take a tumble, it don't 'alf hurt, but that's the most exciting bit. You can swerve this, swerve that and avoid the tumble if you're careful, like we are being, and you don't get hurt. And the best thing is when you get to the bottom you just take off your skis and go home.'

A very reluctant and nervous looking Violet creeps into the back room of the pub. She's greeted by Fred who asks, 'Have you heard the good news?' She looks puzzled and Ciaran cries, 'Shelley Unwin has left the building!' Fred continues, 'She's finally taken my advice and gone to seek professional help.' Violet looks terrified, 'How long is she going to be away for?' At that moment Charlie walks in behind her and informs her, 'She went to see the consultant yesterday and they kept her in overnight. They reckon the best thing for her is a holiday so we're going to Scotland for two weeks, touring the highlands.' Violet breaths a sigh of relief, 'You're going with her?' Charlie replies, 'Of course I am.' Ciaran tells her, 'So it's you, me and Betty holding the fort, but hey, we're doing that already!' Fred tells him he will be around to lend a hand, 'The most important thing is that there's light at the end of the tunnel.' Note that Charlie didn't say exactly what kind of consultant Shelley has gone to see!

Over at Gail's house, Gail is not a happy bunny, but then when is she? Sarah has ended up with a police caution over the fish incident, but Scooter has refused to plead guilty and is set on having his day in court. Gail reminds him, 'But you are guilty. You stole someone else's fish!' Scooter tells her, 'If a dog was in pain and you had it howling all night in a neighbour's yard would you call me a thief for rescuing it and taking it a vets? Fish can't let you know they are in pain. When you breath through gills, no-one can hear you scream.' Gail tells him, somewhat tartly, that she would have called the RSPCA

Over at the builder's yard, Charlie gets a visit from someone he recently did work for, who tells him, 'I had a phone call from some woman. Said she was doing a customer survey. When I said I was perfectly satisfied with the work you'd done she led me to believe that you'd been sleeping with my wife.' Charlie tells him, 'I haven't touched your wife.' The man tells him, 'I'd have you arrested if you had....... she's been dead eighteen months.' Charlie asks what the caller sounded like. He replies, 'Middle aged and drunk. That sound like anyone who might have a grudge against you?' Charlie replies, 'Oh yes.'

Jamie and Frankie are out in the street as Danny drives up, presumably from his night ‘working' away. He goes on to work as Jamie spots Leanne walking towards them as he and Frankie arrive at the cafe. She asks, 'You coming in or are you going to let Leanne tell you how much she missed you.' Jamie replies, 'She can't have missed me that much. She's still got the same get up on.' He asks her where she has been. Cool as a cucumber she replies, 'Crashed at my mate Daisy's. She's an old school friend.'

Across the road, Blanche, Emily and Deirdre are all looking at a motorised wheelchair out of the front window of No 1. Blanche is obviously not impressed at all and moans, 'Are you trying to make me a laughing stock? Isn't it enough that I've got a Polish hip?' Deirdre enthuses, 'It's very easy to manoeuvre. I've borrowed it to see you through your recovery. I drove it all the way home.' Blanche snaps, 'Well you can just drive it all the way back. I'd rather be housebound!'

Over at the Battersby's, Les tells Cilla all about Kirk suddenly inheriting his father's kennels. Cilla squawks, 'You lucky beggar. The only thing I ever inherited was psoriasis....... how much is it worth?' Kirk, with a mouthful of bacon sarnie, can't answer and Les butts in, 'Must be worth a fair bit. Retirements in the sun don't come cheap. And the best bit is, Maria doesn't want her half so he's copping for the whole lot!' Cilla homes in on her not too bright new best friend and, as transparent as a newly cleaned window asks, 'Hiya Kirky love. Would you like sauce on that?''

In the Rovers, however, Jack and Vera tell Maria she is silly to give her half of the business to Kirk. Jack tells her, 'That place is a little goldmine. You don't have to work there, just take half the profits.' Vera adds, 'Which you are entitled to. Or tell him to buy you out!' Tyrone pipes up, 'She's told him he can have it already.' Jack replies, 'You've not signed anything, just tell him you have thought things over.' Maria looks at Tyrone, 'Yeah, I could say that, couldn't I?'

Charlie arrives back from the surgery with Shelley in his truck. However, she's wearing her hair all tucked up under a pink baseball cap and large dark glasses. It's obvious her paranoia is every bit as rampant as before and she begs him to go and check the coast is clear before she goes in, 'I don't want anyone to see me,' she whines. Charlie doesn't seem too happy but complies with her wishes.

Meanwhile, despite her protestations, Blanche is all ready for her test drive. Emily enthuses, 'See if you can get to the corner shop!' Blanche wails, 'It's facing the wrong way!' Deirdre replies, 'Ah, it sometimes has trouble turning left so you'll have to go the long way, round the block.' Blanche cries, 'You've put me in a council shopping centre cast off that doesn't even go properly!' and takes off at a pace that could see her in danger of being overtaken by snails.

As she rounds the corner of Rosamund St, she finds her passage blocked by Charlie. She tells him to move his truck off the pavement but he snaps, 'You'll have to wait a minute,' and goes round to open the door for Shelley to get out. But Shelley refuses to get out and Charlie impatiently opens the door and grabs her arm. A struggle ensues with Shelley crying, 'No, no!' and Charlie shouting, 'Get out!' He hauls her roughly from the cab and as she hits the pavement, Shelley freezes, her mouth open in horror. Charlie looks round to see Ciaran standing across the street, watching the whole thing. Shelley shrieks and pulls herself free of Charlie's grip and runs through the tunnel to the back of The Rovers. Charlie, with a look of utter fury on his face, realising what it must look like to Ciaran, takes off after her.

Once they get inside he tells her, 'There's nothing unusual about a women wearing sunglasses in July.' She replies, 'You didn't see the way he looked at me. He knows something is going on. He thinks you're knocking me about. He'll be downstairs right now telling everyone.' Charlie shrugs, 'So get rid of the sunglasses. Go downstairs and tell everyone. There's no disgrace in it. People have work done on themselves all the time these days.

Shelley removes her glasses revealing the after effects of her surgery and the viewer could be forgiven for wondering for a second if perhaps Eddie Maddocks does the occasional cash in hand job on the side. She tells him, 'No. That would be like admitting I'm not good enough. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I want the bruising to go down and then people to see the new me!' Charlie smiles, 'Good. That's why I have booked us a B&B.' Shelley looks alarmed, 'A B&B? Where?' Charlie tells her he has squared it all with Fred. 'We're going to Scotland, to the highlands for a week or two to let you get over your surgery. Away from the pub, away from your mother and away from prying eyes.' Shelley looks considerably less than enthusiastic – is there no pleasing this woman?

Ciaran, of course, has immediately gone to find Bev, and he tells her what he saw. 'The way he was dragging her about. He said she was getting treatment. What kind of psychological treatment needs you in hospital overnight?' Bev immediately decides, 'He's hitting her again. If she was in hospital it's because he put her there. You've got to help us Ciaran!' Ciaran tells her, 'Look, if he's knocking her about, I might be looking for another job but he'll be looking for another set of teeth.'

Blanche returns home in a terrible temper and explodes at Deirdre, 'I couldn't go forwards, I couldn't turn round. I have never felt so humiliated. ' Deirdre tells her they will get the steering fixed but Blanche cuts her off, 'No, I want nothing more to do with it. If you are fed up with fetching and carrying for me get me a pair of crutches! I'd sooner hobble around on those than go anywhere near that thing again!'

Upstairs in the Rovers, somewhat predictably, Shelley tells Charlie she doesn't want to go to Scotland. He replies, 'You said you'd be fine when you had the surgery.' She whines, 'I will be.... after it's healed.' Charlie spits at her, 'You selfish bitch!' and for a brief second we see a flash of the old Shelley as she snaps, 'Don't you speak like that to me!' He snarls, 'After everything I've done for you. Paid for your new face, booked us a holiday, After everything I've put up with!' She wails, 'I can't see anybody like this.'

He tells her, 'Then Scotland's perfect. Wide open spaces and no-one to bother us.' She cries, 'I can't help the way I feel!' He asks her, 'How do you feel about me? You tell me you love me. That you'd do anything for me.' She sobs, 'I do. I would.' He growls, Then do this for me.' He picks up her bag and throws it onto her lap, 'Get your bag packed, and pull yourself together!' (Personally, I have to agree!)

Over at Gail's house, a fed up Scooter returns home and tells Gail and Sarah that he has been suspended from work for using one of their skips. Gail tells him that he has no-one but himself to blame for that. He replies, 'Evil triumphs when good men do nothing Mrs Platt!' Sarah adds proudly, 'And my Scooter is not the sort of man that would sit back and do nothing.' Gail replies, 'Good, he can get and mend my fence this afternoon then!'

Sarah is furious, and snaps at Gail, 'I knew it. Sooner or later you just can't help having a go at my boyfriends, can you?' Gail tells her, 'He can break the law, and break my fence, but until he breaks your heart, I'll put up with him.' Sarah smiles, 'Scooter will never break my heart.' Gail replies, only half joking, 'Then I don't suppose there's any chance of you breaking his? Just for a change?'

At the pub, Ciaran walks into the hallway as Charlie and Shelley are coming downstairs. He asks Shelley, 'Are you all right?' She stammers, 'Yes, I'm fine,' and bolts back up the stairs. Charlie tells him, 'She's probably forgotten something. We'll be gone in a minute,' and runs up after her.

Ciaran gets straight on the phone to Bev, 'She's still wearing those sunglasses indoors. And they're about to leave by the back door any minute!'

In the bar, Maria tells Kirk, 'I've had a bit of a think about the kennels.' Kirk enthuses, 'That's great. I don't think I could run it on my own.' Fiz asks if she is packing her job at Audrey's in. Maria replies that she isn't and Kirk tells her, 'That's all right. If you do the books and the odd night stopover it'll be.....'His face falls as Maria cuts him off, 'I'm not packing my job in and I'm not setting foot in those kennels. I want us to sell up and split the money fifty fifty.'

Meanwhile, all hell breaks loose in the back of The Rovers as Charlie drags a screaming Shelley downstairs. She cries, 'I can't! I can't do it!' He barks at her, 'Of course you can. You spent last night somewhere different. You can do it again!' She tries to break free but he grips her even harder and yanks her down the stairs and out of the back door. He snarls at her, 'I am going to break this cycle if it kills me.' She screams, 'I can't go. Let me back in!'He pushes her away from the door, grabs her arm and yells at her, 'No! You are coming with me!' Shelley yanks her arm hard and breaks free but with the door shut and Charlie barring the way out, she has nowhere to run and can only throw herself into the corner of the yard behind a pile of empty beer crates.

Charlie turns and walks menacingly towards her. He lashes out and sends the beer crates flying, He takes a step towards Shelley....

More in part two!

Out the back of the Rovers Bev comes running in. 'Oh great! Here we go!' Charlie says. Bev sees Shelley face. 'Another door was it? You scum!' she shouts at him. Ciaran appears and also sees Shelley face, he says, 'What's going on? What's wrong with her eyes?' Charlie holding Bev back says, 'She's had plastic surgery! An eye lift. Go on Shelley, tell them' But Shelley can't and rushes past them into the pub. Charlie shouts after her, 'Oh great. Leave it to me to explain it to them then.' Bev gets free and runs after her daughter. Ciaran stops Charlie going after them. He tells him to move, 'Or do you fancy losing your job' Ciaran replies, 'Suits me. I think you better get out before I throw you out.' Charlie smirks, 'Fancy your chances do you?' Ciaran replies saying yeah. Charlie says, 'I never laid a finger on her but I'll lay a lot more than that on you if you don't get out of my way' Ciaran is set to punch him but stops as they hear shouting from upstairs.

Upstairs Shelley shows her mum her receipt for her surgery and starts shouting. The pair head downstairs. In the bar everyone looks at Shelley, she says she's had surgery and shows the receipt. 'Did 'any' of you lot honestly think I would let a man knock me about? Have you forgotten the right hook I gave Peter Barlow in this very bar?' She shouts. She then asks if anyone has something to say. Bev does, 'Why? Why did you do that to yourself?' Then after her mum says Charlie has put her up to this she goes mental and says, 'Get out. How many times do I have to kick you out of this pub' Shelley grabs her and throws her out.

Outside the Rovers Bev says he may not of hit her but he is responsible for her cuts and bruises. 'You're obsessed! He's told me what you did. Breaking into his yard, stealing his paperwork. Phoning his customers trying to make trouble for him. You want locking up' Shelley goes back in. Tim the vet is at the Grimshaws, he knocks on the door. Les and Cilla come out. Cilla wonders what all that was about. Les says if she wasn't long in getting ready they would have seen that. They go in the Pub.

Back in the Rovers Shelley says she has nothing to hide and is lucky she has a guy that is willing to pay for it, she then runs upstairs. Cilla says she would not mind about of cosmetic surgery. 'You don't think of a couple of stitches here and there might be a good idea' She says. Les mumbles, 'If they were in your mouth it might be a good idea' He then asks for a pint, Violet says 1 minute and says to Sean, 'Can you imagine the mood Charlie's going to be in now?' Sean replies, 'Fear not. Your guardian angel will be by your side twenty-four seven' Les shouts over to Sean, 'Hey Sean, that vet bloke was knocking on your front door'. Sean thinks its Tim and runs out the pub, before Violet can even say maybe its Tim you should go, he's gone.

Sean runs along the street shouting, 'Tim! Tim! I almost missed you' he gets his breath back and asks, 'What are you doing in this neck of the woods?' Tim tells him, 'I got your message about a replacement cat for Mrs Williams' he goes in his small van saying, 'and I think I have something that just might do the trick' and takes out a very cute kitten. He says it needs a good home. Sean thinks Betty will love it.

Deirdre comforts Bev. She thinks she's obsessed but has a good reason to be. Deirdre says when she was with Peter she was happy and outgoing. Bev replies saying she bounced back and wonders how much Charlie undermined her to get surgery done. Bev tearfully says, 'I go about this all wrong. I go in guns blazing and it just makes her defend him all the more. Still, I don't believe she walked into that door. It would be better if he hit someone else. It would be better if he hit me! I'd make sure he is locked up for life'

In Tim's van Sean says Betty will be over the moon. Tim tells him he's more a dog lover. 'We're would we be with out are dogs, mans best friend' Tim asks him what type of dog he has. Sean not thinking and lost in the moment lies, 'Oh, it's sort of a cross' Tim asks its name, 'You can tell a lot about a man from the name he gives his dog. You'd be amazed how many Tysons have bounced cheques on me' Sean replies, 'Bella-Sinead' as it looks like a cross between Bella Emberg and Sinead O'Connor. Sean tells him they go on long walks at the weekend, 'You're welcome to join us if you like' Tim agrees.

Upstairs bedroom Charlie is saying she had to keep this a secret and make a big deal out of it. Everyone thinks he's the bad guy, she tries to tell him he's not as he paid for the surgery. He says she can go with him now to Scotland, but she still refuses to go. He calls her an ungratefully swing, he says he's done a lot for her. She offers to pay him back, but he says don't bother and it will be a reminder of him, and walks away. She chases him telling him not to go, but he goes. In the bar Violet thinks someone should go and see if Shelley is ok. Ciaran thinks she should go. Violet goes through the back and tells Shelley, 'It's probably for the best. Maybe he's not the man you knew' Shelley in rage replies, 'Get back to work' Charlie comes back in the door and says she owes him for this. Shelley starts crying and hugs him.

Sean enters the pub. Betty is says she will be glad to go back to an empty house. Sean says, 'Not to glad I hope' and shows her the kitten. He says the kitten needs a good home. Betty says he shouldn't have. Les says the Kennels is Kirk's birth right. Maria says it's also hers. She wants to sell up and Kirk can buy her out. Fiz says he can't even get money out his bank never mind a loan. Cilla agrees with Maria only so Kirk will be her bank. Ciaran listens to Shelley and Charlie's conversation. Charlie says this is what her mum wants, to see him homeless, out of business. He stay he should go round and see her now. Shelley says, 'Don't do any thing silly' he replies, 'Why, are you going to come watch, then shut up' he tells her to finished unpacking and goes. Ciaran quickly goes back through to the bar and says he's coming down. Violet tells Ciaran about Sean and Tim going on a walk and asks, is Tim interested in Sean or the dog. Charlie passed through everyone. Ciaran replies saying you're in there. Sean says all he need to do is get a dog, Fiz suggested he get one from Kirk.

Charlie buzzes at Bev's door and says he wants in. She tells him to go away. He keeps buzzing and she says, 'I'll call the police' He replies, 'I haven't done any thing, yet'

Back at the Rovers Kirk asks the name of the dog. Sawn tells him and Kirk says dogs respond to sounds and says its too long. He thinks if he called the dog Betta for sort he could use a dog called Buster. Les says he's a genius when it comes to dogs. Sean asks if he can have a lend of Buster but Cilla says it will cost him. Kirk does not want money. Cilla says, 'And that's the type of business man he would make' Kirk after everyone argues shouts saying he's not selling the Kennels.

Bev tells Charlie to come in. He asks if that's an invitation then says she still fancies him. She says the though turns her stomach and she's not afraid of him.

Ciaran sits at Shelley's door and he talks about the first time he came here. How she and Peter took him in and asks if she's ever fallen in love with someone she shouldn't have. He says she's a fit bird and he fancied her. He's not chatting her up he's cheering her up. He finally gives up and goes away when he does not reply.

Charlie shouts at Bev saying she was in his yard. He wants his papers back. Bev says she's not scared of him and give's him a push. He threatens her and says he could hit her now. He thinks it jealousy because he's with Shelley and not her. She says he's the worst she's been with. He grabs her and says her plans not going to work. She is scared and tells him to go. He keeps threatening her and says its fun. Like having a bird in a cage and Shelley will do any thing he says. He balms it on her for sleeping with him. He kisses her and goes. Leaving her crying.

Amanda Souter

Written by: David Lane
Directed by: Alan Waring

Liz and Bev are strolling along the street arm in arm. Liz is waffling about Bob being "nice" – she says this is the word she always thinks of in relation to Bob. Bev isn't really listening, her mind clearly elsewhere, and Liz notices this and says she's sure Shelley is as upset about yesterday as Bev is, and is probably still groggy after her operation. Deirdre and Ken come out of their house, and Liz casts a snooty look over at Deirdre. Deirdre tells Ken that she and Liz have nothing to say to each other.

The next person Liz and Bev see is Charlie. Liz tells Bev not to let him see she's bothered, but Bev scuttles past him with her head down.

Maria is coming out of her flat and sees Fiz and Kirk coming towards her with half a dozen dogs. Fiz hands some of the leads to Maria: "If you want half the business, you can do half the dog walking," she tells her. Maria tells Kirk if he sold his half of the business he could do anything he liked with the money, and berates him for a lack of ambition, but he says he likes the kennels and he has the best job in the world.

Violet and Ciaran are getting the pub ready for opening time. Betty hasn't turned up and Violet's wondering whether to ring her, but Ciaran thinks she'll be keeping away because she knows what kind of day they'll have "with cheerful Charlie on the warpath." But then Betty appears. The kitten Sean gave her has kept her awake all night. Charlie comes in and starts bossing Ciaran around, obviously enjoying himself. As soon as he gets Ciaran out of the way, and Betty has gone to see to the hotpot, Charlie looms over Violet, telling her that if she enjoys working at the Rovers she should remember who her friends are. "What's that supposed to mean?" she says. "Whatever you want it to," he replies.

Preparations for opening time are also in full swing at the Weatherfield Arms, where Liz is still going on about Bob to Bev (Liz and Bob would seem to have compatibility issues). Bev is thinking about Shelley, and tells Liz that she wishes Charlie had hit her last night. Liz says they both know that Charlie is a nasty piece of work, but they'll never convince Shelley of it. "Then I'll have to find someone she *will* believe," Bev says.

garage about the kennels. Kevin says that if he left his business to his daughters he wouldn't mind if they decided to sell it. Maria says the money would make a huge difference to her life, and Tyrone instantly has visions of putting a deposit on a flat together, but Maria is thinking of buying her own salon. Kevin says she should work on the parent she's closest to.

We see Bev walking in to a police station.

Blanche has left her motorized scooter/wheelchair thingy in the back alley, and Deirdre can't get Amy's buggy past it, so Chesney gives her a hand. He asks if he can have a go on the scooter, but Deirdre says it isn't fit to drive because it won't turn left. Chesney doesn't look like he'd be deterred by minor details like that.

The Rovers is full of lunchtime customers, and when Charlie (on the customer side of the bar) asks Violet for another pint, she tells him she's got other people to serve. Nathan is telling Tyrone that if Maria opens her own salon she'll work day and night to make a success of it – meaning she'll have no time for Tyrone. Now Charlie asks Ciaran for a pint, but before Ciaran can respond, a female police officer comes in asking for Charlie, and says she'd like a private word with him. He says he'd rather stay where he is, because too many people have been getting the wrong end of the stick recently (he casts a look at Ciaran when he says this). The officer tells him that Bev has accused him of harassing her. He admits that he went to Bev's flat, but he says that Bev's behaviour has been making Shelley ill, and he'd just gone round to reason with her. He tries to draw Violet and Ciaran in to support what he's saying, but Violet will only say that Bev has been trying to do the best for her daughter. Charlie says his only crime has been to fall in love with the daughter of an unbalanced, vindictive woman. He says if it wasn't true love he would walk away, but as it is, he "just can't." He tells the officer he should ask Bev who stole his invoices and rang his clients and made allegations about him. He says he didn't report this theft because he doesn't want to cause more upset for Shelley: "She's all I care about." Ciaran and Violet exchange a look.

Bev is hanging around outside the pub waiting nervously to see what happens, and she sees Charlie and the police officer come out. For a second she looks triumphant, until it becomes obvious that Charlie is in no trouble at all and has just come out to wave the police officer off. Bev can't believe that he's escaped yet again.

Chesney has persuaded Nathan to fix the scooter, but he tells Sophie Webster that he fixed it himself and he's now taking it for a test drive. He invites her along for the ride.

Bev is back at the police station, seeing the officer who came to see Charlie. She tells the officer that Charlie kissed her when he came to her flat. The officer replies that Charlie claims he didn't touch Bev, and also that he claims Bev has been stealing from him. She says if Charlie wanted to pursue it, she'd be arresting Bev for burglary. Bev tries to tell her about what's going on with Shelley, but the officer says that the vendetta with Charlie is going to get Bev into big trouble, and she ought to than Charlie for not wanting to take it any further, and thank her for not arresting her for wasting police time. She leaves Bev looking desperate.

Chesney and Sophie are racing the scooter along the cobbled back alley, and almost run Les over. Ken comes out and blames Les for stealing an old lady's wheelchair for the kids to play on. Chesney says he asked Deirdre if he could have a go (he doesn't say what her reply was though!). Ken reluctantly apologies to Les, and Sophie says he ought to thank Chesney for fixing the scooter, so he does.

At the kennels, Maria and her dad are reminiscing about when she used to love being at the kennels as a little girl. Her dad says he was over the moon when she started working there. Her mum and Kirk appear, and Maria says she's come to make things right between them before her parents go away. They hug. Then Maria says she wants to sell her half of the business to buy a salon. She says Kirk is brilliant with the dogs but "he can hardly run a bath, let alone a business," so she'd rather sell straight away than wait until Kirk had messed things up and made it worthless. "Sorry Kirk," she adds. "It's alright," says Kirk, adding, "She is a good hairdresser, though. Even Fiz says so."

In the Rovers, Betty is telling Sean that the kitten is too much for her to cope with. He says he'll come round and pick it up, and try and find it another home. Betty tells him he's a lovely boy and he'll "make some lass a smashing husband." Maybe on Planet Betty he would…

Les, Cilla and Yana come into the pub, and Les orders "A pint and two sweet whites for the two sweet ladies." Ciaran says he won't comment on that, and Yana says if Ciaran plays his cards right he could have her phone number. "And mine!" says Cilla. What a scary old menage a trois that would make. Les tells them about Chesney taking the scooter, and says "if they had one of them on Supermarket Sweep, they'd empty the place." Cilla looks interested.

Charlie looms up on Charlie (he looms a lot, and always clears his throat irritatingly after a sentence). He says Ciaran should have said something to support him when the police officer was there, because if Bev had managed to get Charlie locked up, Shelley would have ended up "a basket case." Ciaran says Charlie should have a good look in the mirror before he starts pointing the finger. Charlie smirks at him (smirking, looming and throat clearing are his three areas of expertise).

Maria's parents come into the pub, where Maria, Kirk, Tyrone and Fiz are already enjoying a soothing pint. Maria's mum says that they started their business with nothing, and things don't mean as much when they're handed to you on a plate. She says for Maria the kennels just mean money, but for Kirk it's his life. So they've decided to give the whole lot to Kirk. Maria objects that they're just handing it to Kirk on a plate, which contradicts what they just said, but her mum replies that Maria was right earlier in saying that Kirk is no businessman, and he needs to learn. Kirk is uncomfortable that Maria gets nothing, but Fiz says, "It's what your mam and dad want, Kirk, and it's what Maria asked for." Maria starts to cry.

Liz and Bob are out on a date in a restaurant, and Ken and Deirdre come in. Bob invites them to join their table, and Ken is keen, though Liz and Deirdre look less than thrilled. Bob compares the situation to the first world war, when the British and Germans played football together, and Liz and Deirdre declare a truce. Ken and Bob obviously planned this to happen. Cunning.

Ciaran is in the back room at the Rovers, and Charlie comes in, trying to wind him up. He asks him if he's sharing Bev's bed again, and Ciaran says, "The only thing me and Bev are sharing is the belief that you're ruining Shelley's life." "You fancy her yourself, don't you?" Charlie says, which Ciaran doesn't deny but says, "At least I'd treat her with a bit of respect, not contempt." Charlie says that all he has to do is tell Shelley that Ciaran has been collaborating with Bev, and Ciaran will be out on the cobbles, "Like a two-faced traitor should be." He says they should ask Shelley right now. Ciaran tries to walk away. "I've had a bellyful of your games," he says. Charlie shouts to Shelley up the stairs, saying that Ciaran has a message from her mother. We see Shelley in her room, not daring to come down, hearing Charlie's voice calling her over and over again.

Ciaran comes back through to the bar. He tells Violet he's leaving before he does Charlie some damage. Violet and Shelley both tell him not to let Charlie get to him, because that's what he wants, but he starts towards the door anyway. Then Charlie appears, and says "Bev won't like it. Running away, leaving Shelley to nasty Charlie. No treats for you tonight. But even a loser like you must be fed up of having that slack old slapper slobbering all over you." Ciaran's fuse finally blows and he grabs Charlie, shoving him up against the bar. Suddenly Shelley appears. "Ciaran! Leave him!" she shouts. "I could kill him for what he's done to you!" Ciaran says Charlie, still held by the throat by Ciaran, says, "He's the one who's been telling tales to Bev. Can't stand seeing us together, can you? Loser." "It's you I can't stand," Ciaran says. "Big bully, playing games with grown women. How does it feel taking on someone your own size, you scumbag?" Shelley says Ciaran has got it wrong: "He's treated me with love, he's supported me." "Funny kind of love that keeps you in your bedroom afraid to come out. Strange support for a beautiful woman you have so screwed up she thinks she needs plastic surgery." He says Charlie isn't going to rest until he's got rid of everyone in Shelley's life who cares about her. He says if he has to watch any more of it, he'd break Charlie's scrawny little neck. He pulls back his arm to punch Charlie, and Shelley screams at him to stop. Ciaran tells her that she has a chance to break free and come with him. "Why would I do that?" she squeaks. "To save your life, you stupid woman!" "My life's here," she says, "With Charlie. Now get out, and leave us alone!" Ciaran pushes Charlie back towards Shelley, and walks out of the pub. Shelley sobs on Charlie's shoulder, while Charlie looks triumphantly at Violet, who looks helplessly horrified.

Sue Haasler

It may not seem like it, but it's Friday night and a mechanic is stripping off outside the garage. Stop screwing up your noses, it's not Kev or Tyrone, but hunky Nathan, watched by an appreciative audience of factory workers. Tyrone does offer to take off his shirt. "I'll give you five quid to keep it on," Kelly tells him. Maria comes past and there is still disinheritence smoke coming from her nostrils and ears. Tyrone suddenly realises the sight of Nathan's chest might be tempt Maria away, so he tries to shield him from her view, telling Nathan it's against health and safety regulations to go barechested. Maria's not likely to be distracted. She's worried she'll never see her parents again. Tyrone tells her to make it up with them and head for the airport to say goodbye.

Shelley is also distracted. She's so stressed while she's looking at her bruised face in the mirror that she breaks the necklace she's wearing. Charlie tells her it's not possible to fix it and it's rubbish anyway. She admits it's just something she's used to having but it doesn't mean anything special to her so he puts it in the bin. She rescues it. "You're just being silly," Charlie tells her. "You can't keep getting attached to things just because you're used to them."

In the Battersby Solarium, Yarna is stretched out under the sun lamp telling Cilla about her fantasies of lying on the beach with Brad Pitt, the sea lapping at her feet. It's not the sea, though. It's Schmeichel. Fizz and Kirk come in. Kirk needs a cup of tea to calm him down because he hates goodbyes. Cilla starts. She tells Kirk that he's a businessman now and an executive dwelling deserves an executive rent. . . say . . . double what he's paying now? Fizz decides there and then that they're going to live at the kennels. She hustles Kirk upstairs to pack. Cilla moans to Yarna: "Everyone's rolling in it except us. Now it's our turn to have an easy ride."

In the corner shop, Sunita is glowing all over the place. Ciaran thinks pregnancy suits her and asks if she ever thinks that she could have been carrying his baby. No, she doesn't. He comments on how happy she seems and Sunita realises something is wrong. Ciaran tells her he's moving on. "I can't take all this stuff with Charlie any more." He can't let Charlie manipulate the bar staff the way he does Shelley. He tells Sunita that Shelley misses her, but Sunita thinks too much has been said for them to make up. "If she ever gets free of him, I'm here for her."

Cilla peeks into the Barlows' yard and asks Yarna if she knows how to hot-wire one of those buggy things. They hear Deirdre coming to hang out her washing ("It's raining men," she's singing). Yarna nips round and rings her front doorbell and when Deirdre answers, tries to engage her in conversation. "Er, where did you get that top?" she asks. She hears a whistle and cuts off the conversation to head round the corner where Cilla is waiting. They head off with Cilla leaning over the bars as if riding a cowboy's pony across the prairie to reach the fort before the bad guys. Yarna's high heels clip clop alongside (with Yarna in them, of course).

Ciaran is at Fred's shop, collecting his last pay packet. Fred's put a bit extra in there for him, since there wasn't enough time to organise any sort of farewell or whip-round. Fred wishes he were in Ciaran's shoes, but promises to keep an eye on things.

In a department store within buggy-distance of the Street, Yarna and Cilla are engaged in a sophisticated shoplifting operation involving Yarna whipping stuff off the racks and Cilla whipping it under her knee rug. Yarna is talking to her as if she's Lou to Cilla's Andy from Little Britain. They get jewelery and a top, then Cilla wants to head for the "lingry" department.

In the Wethy Arms, Ciaran is having a drink and chatting to Bev. He remembers bitterly how betrayed he felt when a guy was his mate and all the time he was after Ciaran's girlfriend (so why did he do the same thing to Peter Barlow, then?). He swore he'd never let himself be taken in by someone again. "Charlie took us all in," Bev says.

Butch Cassidy and the Sunburned Kid, meanwhile, have reached the lingry department. "One o' them bras with the built in chicken fillets," orders Cilla. Yarna obliges, but spots a security guard she recognises. "He's frisked me more times than you've had chip suppers," she says. The guard spots her and starts heading in their direction. Yarna decides to distract him, since she's not carrying anything, and Cilla makes a get away out the street door.

Mustang Cilla is whooping along the canal towpath when the throttle on the buggy seems to jam. She hits a tyre left on the path and before you can say "Double somersault with pike" she's over the edge and bits of nicked clothing are floating around her, mixed with whatever else has been stirred up in the canal (I didn't want to look too closely).

It's taken an awful long time for Deirdre to get back to the yard and notice the buggy is gone. Les is next door and she asks where Chesney is. Les says he's on a school trip to the city farm (here in Scotland the kids have been on their summer holidays for weeks -- summer comes so much earlier here!). Deirdre finds herself apologising to Les. "Well, it was him last time," she points out. She's even more on the defensive when Les points out she left the keys in it last time. He tells her that now she's dragged some other poor innocent into a life of petty crime. "You're a menace, woman. A complete menace!"

Fizz is fluttering her eyelashes in the Rovers. Jessie (Twin 1) asks if she's got her contact lens stuck. "I knew a lady once that happened to. The lens got stuck in the part of her brain that controls language and now she speaks nothing but Urdu." Kelly is gobsmacked. "There's a language called 'air-do?????" she asks, pointing at her bonce. But Fizz is just showing Joanne (Twin 2) how to do a sexy look. Jason arrives with his eyes streaming. It seems he's allergic to cats and his new housemate's upsetting his immune system. He's not keen on a quiet night in, he tells Violet.

Ciaran has gone back to Bev's flat where he's trying to remember the last time he laughed properly. "It seems the older you get, the less you laugh," Bev agrees. Ciaran doesn't think it has to be like that. In the Navy he soaked up new experiences.

Maria might be in the cafe, but she's not hungry. Fizz and Kirk come in. They're just back from the airport. Kirk is so down that Vera feels obliged to remind him his parents have just gone to Cyprus. They're not six feet under. But Kirk has bigger problems than that. He put his Dad's keys on his belt, as his Dad used to do, but his pants fell down. Maria's upset that Kirk didn't stick up for her, but Kirk tells her: "I love them kennels, Maria. I love the dogs and they love me. It's all right for you. You can work anywhere you like. You've always been the bright one." Then Fizz hits Maria with the news that they are living in the house.

Bev is a bit drunk and philosophical. Then she's a bit more drunk and amorous. Run, Ciaran, Run!! "All the time, you were just waiting to pounce?" he asks. He's been comforting her about her daughter, pouring out his heart to her. He's very disappointed she only wanted his body. She apologises and says she's just a lonely old woman. "Don't let's part like this." But Ciaran says he wonders why he wasted any of his time on them. "I'm better off out of here."

Jason calls out to Violet that he'd rather go out, but she's cooked the meal. He comes in from the other room wearing goggles and with his nose plugged up. "I love you, you pillock," says Violet, much happier than in recent days, before grabbing him.

Ciaran is locking his front door for the last time. Charlie sees him and gives him a look that's half glare, half smug look of victory. Ciaran sees Shelley up at the window and is then distracted by Sunita, who has come out to say goodbye. Shelley opens the window but he's missed his chance and she shuts it again. He turns and walks away.

The End and
The End of Ciaran Margaret Carr

Fizz and Kirk are busy packing up a car they've borrowed to take all their belongings over to the kennels. Sean comes along, he tells them he's off to Audrey's for a fake tan, and then hopes that by the time he gets home the dog he's borrowing from Kirk's kennels will be delivered, in time for his walk with the object of his desire – Tim the vet. Kirk reminds Sean that he mustn't let the dog off the lead. "Guide's honour my little Kirky-bum!" Sean tells him, and minces off in the direction of Audrey's salon.

Steve spots Tracy on the pavement outside the Barlow's house and rushes over. He tells her he doesn't want his past being dragged up in a courtroom, and he warns her that if they start reading out her personality defects they'll all be there until Christmas 2008. "Don't do this to me, Tracy," he begs her, "to us." Tracy, however, has hardened her heart.

Hayley and Roy are eating out, and Hayley is in a jovial mood. That is, until Roy tells her he wants to talk about Amy. She tells him that she thinks they should take a back seat and stay well out of the disagreement between Tracy and Steve. Roy thinks that morally the right thing to do would be to support Steve, but Hayley knows that if Tracy sees them supporting Steve she will never let them see Amy again, and she has dreams of some day taking Amy to Venice and show her a gondola. However, she's sure they'll do the right thing, they always do, so she's sure that one day they will go to Venice – just the two of them.

Ken is in his back yard, up on a step ladder watering his hanging baskets. Blanche comes out and entreats him not to splash her smalls which are hanging on the washing line. She goes on to tell him she knows she looked daft in the buggy, she knows he sniggered. He protests that he never even saw her in it, but she goes on to say it was like having a new pair of legs. "It mean that Blanche Hunt were back in business!" she tells him.

Kirk and Fizz arrive at the kennels to the sound of many dogs barking. (I'd like to know who's been feeding and exercising them since Kirk's parents departed for Cyprus.) Fizz looks rather less than delighted.

In the taxi office, Dev is moaning that he can't find a buyer for his share of the business, he wants some money to put down on a house, although they haven't found one they like yet. "Maison Devita is going to be so cool," he tells Steve, explaining that it's cross between Dev and Sunita. Dev wonders if he should drop the asking price, and at that moment Lloyd, who has been sitting behind them reading his paper, looks up with interest. Steve then gets a request for a cab and gives it to Lloyd, telling him to go and pick up Mrs. Cuddy and not to let her get into the front seat.

A slightly orange looking Sean emerges from Audrey's, and sees Tim getting out of his car outside Eileen's house. "Just remember he might be straight," he chants to himself, "act butch, act butch….hiya!" "Where's your dog?" asks Tim, and Sean tells him that hopefully it's on the other side of the door. "Oh Bella-Sinead!" he calls as he opens up, and out comes a gorgeous Old English sheepdog. "Who's my baby boy," coos Sean, (presumably at the dog!) Tim wonders why he's called a boy dog Bella-Sinead, and Sean prattles on about a dream he once had, so when he got the puppy at three days old he just had to call him Bella-Sinead. "You got him when he was three days old?" queries Tim, saying that it's really very young for a puppy to be taken away from his mother. Sean thinks quickly and says he was found in the gents toilets at the motorway services.

Over at the kennels, Fizz is trying to clean the house. She flops wearily into an armchair, only to find she's sat on a bowl of dog food.

Danny walks into the factory and finds Sally beavering away at a machine. In the office he finds Adam with a problem. The bill for Danny's Nottingham trip shows a hotel in central Manchester. Danny comes up with a story about them being so disorganised they've given him a bill on the headed paper of their sister hotel.

Out in the factory, the door opens and Mike and Penny walk in, home from their holiday. Mike is surprised to see Sally there, until Danny tells him he took her on. Mike and Penny go home, leaving Adam looking rather disgruntled at the way Danny has been treating him.

Tracy is seeing her solicitor, who tells her that if she and Steve can't sort it out, they will have to have a blood test. Tracy is adamant that she won't agree to that, but the solicitor tells her that if she refuses the court will think she's got something to hide. They will assume he's the father and as he can prove he's had a relationship with Amy since she was born he'll get contact. "There is no way Steve is getting contact with Amy," shouts Tracy, getting up to leave, "no way!"

Danny is at home, moaning about Mike to Frankie, who's trying to watch a film. She reminds him that when he was in was in business with Vinnie that wasn't plain sailing either. "You will never see eye to eye with Uncle Mike," she says, "and you will never have a soft spot for Adam. Accept it, get over it and move on!"

Sean and Tim and Buster (the real name of Bella Sinead) are walking on the Red Rec. Tim asks if Sean ever lets the dog off the lead. Sean says he doesn't, there have been a lot of dog-nappings in that park. Tim points out that there is no one around, so Sean relents and unclips the lead. The dog immediately takes off like a shot from a gun, disappearing into the distance. Sean starts to give chase, until Tim shouts at him to turn round and run the other way, the dog will think it's a race if Sean runs in the same direction. Sean tries it for a few steps, but Bella-Sinead still continues to run off towards the trees and bushes. "Oh sod this for a game of soldiers!" moan Sean, and turns back around. "Buster….!!" he bellows, and sets off after him.

Tracy is painting her toe nails and talking to Deirdre who is reclining on the sofa with a face mask all over her face and cucumber slices over her eyes. Tracy tells her that Steve will be a fair-weather father and will end up with a hideous Karen clone who will stop him coming over, and what will she say to Amy then? Deirdre reckons that if it goes to court Steve will play dirty and as far as Tracy's concerned there's plenty of muck to spread. "What are you going to say to her when she's 18 and bumps into him in the street?" she asks Tracy. "Or, when he's dying of cancer and he comes back to see her to say his goodbyes?" Tracy has the grace to look very uncomfortable at this. Deirdre points out that Steve has never hurt Amy, never neglected her or hit her or left her on her own. "Give him a chance," Deirdre urges her, "stop playing games and cut him a bit of slack."

Sean emerges from the woods, dogless, wailing and wondering what he's going to do. "This is your fault," he moans at Tim, "making me let him off." Tim asks if his phone number is on his collar, and wants to know why Sean was shouting Buster. Sean gets very flustered and tells Tim he needs space. "Kirk's going to kill me," he wails. "Kirk? Who's Kirk?" asks Tim. "Oh leave me alone!" huffs Sean, stomping off.

Over at Mike's place, Adam is ironing as Penny unpacks. Adam tells her and Mike that there was a lad in his class at school like Danny, always making wisecracks, always thought he knew best. Adam thought he'd got rid of him when he left school, but now… Mike urges Penny to give Adam his present, but when he opens it, Adam finds a bright green pashmina – Mike has put the wrong names on the presents.

Lloyd arrives back at the taxi office, having delivered Mrs. Cuddy to her destination. He tells Dev that his ex won the lottery and gave him some, since then he has been wondering what to do with it. He's now wondering about Dev's share of the taxi firm, having overheard Dev and Steve's conversation. "How much you got?" asks Dev, but before Lloyd can answer the phone rings.

Sean has arrived back at the kennels, and calls Fizz on his mobile phone. She comes out to meet him and he confesses that he's lost the dog. "What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" he starts to get hysterical. Fizz slaps him, "Calm down Sean!" she snaps. Just then Kirk comes out, "What did I say?" he says, crossly. The owners have been on the phone, they've just arrived home from their holidays and found their dog on the doorstep. They're now refusing to pay the kennel fees because Kirk didn't pay due care and attention. Sean tells him they do have a point, Kirk was left in charge and look what happened. "I'll just text Tim and tell him Baby's fine," he says, but Kirk he'll find out soon enough because they're taking their dog to the vet to make sure he's ok – and guess who the vet is?

Steve is just getting out of his taxi when Tracy comes around the corner. She wants to talk to him and they get into the car. She tells him she can't pretend any more, he's Amy's dad, always has been and always will be. If he wants to see her she doesn't see why he shouldn't. She suggests he takes her out the next day and he's really pleased. "Ten o'clock then?" she says sweetly, getting out of the car as he sits there smiling.

Annie Logan

Eileen and Sean open the episode discussing Sean's lovelife, or lack of one. Eileen tries to be comforting but Sean is miserable.

Work is beginning across Weatherfield and Claire is instantly making amends to Steve's rota in a business like fashion and the factory crew are clocking in for a day of little labour. Mike immediately brings Hayley into his office for a catch up, his eyes firmly on Sally. But Hayley tells him she has settled in well.

Nathan is telling a glum Tyrone that he has an afternoon off and heads out. After a scene of Steve excitedly looking forward to his day out with Amy, Nathan calls on Fed and Ashley, both ready for the day's training.

Sally notices Mike's characteristic glare turned on her and ponders over why he doesn't just hurry up and sack her. Hayley advises her just to keep her head down.

Tracy hands Steve a bag for Amy and tells him that she's always wanted to see planes taking off. Oddly enough, Steve falls for this and agrees to take Amy to the airport instead.

Fred is worn out from all that walking to the park but it hasn't begun yet for Ashley...Nathan slings a tyre round his neck and tells him to get running.

The three mums of Weatherfield, Liz, Deirdre and Bev are doing what they do best: discussing their offspring. Deirdre is happy that she finally seems to have got through to Tracy and Bev gloomily asks her for some advice on how she can get through to her daughter.

Tracy is being uncharacteristically nice to Blanche, serving her tea and sandwiches while pretending Amy is in the back yard.

Liz isn't amused to see Bob flirting with Bev and even less amused when he tells her that 'that Bev' is a fine woman.

Fiz has moved onto a different order on Adam's order (I write, displaying my intricate vocabulary abilities) and Danny isn't impressed. Looks like Adam is once again in the wrong. Mike orders the rowing pair into his office.

Ashley is looking very stiff and Fred is not impressed as he prepares to give Ashley a glass of raw egg...but Claire enters and Fred realises that drinking it himself is the best solution to Claire not becoming suspicious.

As Mike gives his family members a telling off the phone rings and his face drops. he tells Danny that his father has died.

Tracy enters the backyard and screams hysterically for Amy, pretending she has gone missing. With a nasty smirk, Tracy sets her plot into motion...

More in part two

Duncan Lindsay

Part 2

Deirdre gets off a bus to see Tracy standing out the front door now shouting for Amy. Deirdre says that Steve has Amy because Liz saw them together. Liz told Deirdre that Tracy said he could have Amy. Tracy crying says she didn’t. Blanch thinks Steve will have her and goes to call the police. Tracy hugs her mum and gives a wee smirk.

Danny is still shocked. Frankie plans to pack so they can go down to London. Danny says he’s going back to work. She tells him his mum should not be on her own. He replies saying Uncle Cliff will be with her. Frankie thinks its him she needs but Danny can’t think. He says they will go down tomorrow and goes out.

Fred asked Claire how she is getting on in her job, asking if she had any problems with customers. She gets angry. He says he’s only making conversation. Claire after Ashley has not said a word thinks someone has to. Claire says the job is going good and she really enjoying it. Ashley does not respond so she goes to tell Josh.

The police have come round to see Tracy. She tells them Amy was out the back and she was looking after Blanch. She lies saying Steve thinks he’s the father because they went out and says she has the birth certificate to prove it. Tracy also says he’s been stalking her. Deirdre looks shocked but does not say any thing.

Fiz asks Kirk to get the drinks in. He agrees because he is a successful businessman now, he thinks they should get back to the kennels soon. Fiz complains and Maria comments. Joanne keeps looking at Nathan. Fred and Nathan are talking about fighting with Maddocks. Nathan tells him to come with him. Jessie tells Joanne there’s no point in looking at him. Tim enters and Sean hides.

Mike pours Danny and himself a scotch. Danny thinks if the old man didn’t drink as much, he may still be here now. Mike says it does not matter how you live life, when your time is up, it’s up. Mike and Harry weren’t close outside the business. Mike says he was the salesman and wanted to expand, take a few risks. He asks Danny if he thinks he betrayed Harry. Danny says no. He goes on and says Harry was not one for listening to opinions and hated when Mike left. When Danny came to join Mike, Harry said they would be two spivs together.

At the airport Steve is talking like a Pilot to Amy. The police approach him asking if he’s Steve Macdonald. He is told they think he’s abducted the child according to the mother. He says Tracy is lying. The arrest him there and then.

Ashley is punching a car seat with a picture of Maddocks on it. Nathan tells him Maddocks won because he thought positive. He is told to close his eyes and think of him giving hard punching and then even harder. Ashley goes all red in the face then stop in frustration. He says Maddocks punched him back even harder then he did.

Rovers and Sean finally goes and sees Tim. He lies again saying Betta-Sinead is dead. Sean says the dog was Deaf. Tim asks why he was calling the dog. Sean says he could lip read, he then says he almost caught up with Betta when he went bang into a rampant on a set of bull bars. He also says it was a pet food lorry. Tim asks how stupid he looks on a scale of 1 to 10. Sean says he really liked him and just wanted him to like him. Tim replies saying he might have liked the real Sean and walks away.

Liz comes round asking what’s going on. Tracy gives her a bunch of lies. She says Steve was stalking her and had planned to take Amy. Deirdre instead of saying the truth says there must be crossed wires. Liz on the way out tells Deirdre Tracy has set Steve up and she knows it.

Steve is being asked questions. He says Tracy is the one telling lies. They ask him why he had a bag of Amy’s clothes to last a week and then show him a passport for Amy. He looks shocked and is horrified, as he knows he’s been set up.

When Ashley says it’s just a car seat Nathan comes up with a plan. He tells Fred when he gives the order, he wants him to fall to the ground. They approach Ashley. Nathan rips into him saying he can’t believe he wasted his time. He gives him a wee push and says he’s an embarrassment. He then pushes Fred to the ground. Ashley then swings for him and gives him a good punch. Nathan says he can punch and win.

Liz sees Steve coming out the interview room. He tells her they have let him go because there is not enough evidence to keep him. He tells his mum about Tracy putting Amy’s clothes and a passport in the bag. She asks what he said about that. He told them if he were going to be taking her, he would have a passport of his own and flight tickets. They replied saying someone might have been coming to met him and give them to him.

Amanda Souter

Good evening to those of us hoping to have tuned into Coronation Street tonight. Momentarily confused that I had turned to a BBC2 wildlife ratings-flop, I soon realised it was in fact Scooter reading from his practice court speech. It emerges that the poor lad thinks he is there to educate the court on fish disease ailments as opposed to defending his case. Gail 'the human turtle', Sarah 'the human doormat' and Martin 'the human football mascot' listen with disdain as he drones on, none of them having the heart to tell him it is simply awful.

Liz turns up to talk to Deirdre and Tracy appears from apparently nowhere to tell Liz that Steve got what he deserved for kidnapping Amy. Liz retorts that she knows fine well who it was who packed Amy's passport and who told Steve Amy would love to see planes taking off. Deirdre seems a tad horrified by this news and all acting ability gone, Tracy doesn't deny it very convincingly

The factory girls are in for a decisively early lunch at the Rovers, one or two of them pining over the pointless Nathan. Joanne has a particular crush and Sean suggests a spa night to give her a makeover. Maria says that Audrey will probably allow it. Fiz heads off for her patented method of dog feeding..obviously an expert from serving Cilla breakfast in bed...and Maria follows her, obviously having little better to do with her day, like work...

Liz asks Deirdre to have a word with Tracy but Deirdre concedes, forgetting the standards of Weatherfield police, that if Tracy has faked it she will be found out.

Maria watches Fiz feeding the dogs, or attempting to. She has released them all at once and chaos ensues, with the result in Fiz taking a very undignified (and admittedly unconvincing) topple into the filth.

Tracy is on top bitch form as she taunts Steve that she will get him out of Amy's life. And, acting childishly all her life she is predictably able to pull off a rather good baby-talk impression. Steve moves forward as if to smack her but she encourages him to give her a nice shiner for court. He glares at her.

Martin is finally showing some sense by questioning the sanity of Scooter and his suitability for Sarah. Gail, obviously remembering her choices of an unwilling dad, a gay man and his moronic brother, isn't so bothered that she's with him. She says there's no harm in him being a 'little different', using the phrase in it's broadest possible terms.

Steve is talking to his solicitor, telling him he doesn't want to fight dirty which, in a battle with Tracy is like saying you want to go to Hawaii but don't want it to be sunny. The solicitor is confident they'll have no trouble in disputing Tracy's lies but Steve mustn't have any contact with Tracy or Amy, the latter having absolutely no effect on Steve's current situation. Still, he's not best impressed.

Blanche is looking down in the dumps. No dramatic plot twist there, but admittedly she's looking more glum than usual. Asking Deirdre to cut up her fish cakes (which takes her a rather long time), Blanche complains that she's recently had many near death experiences and believes that her time is near, but this is too much for Deirdre who bubbles at the thought in a rather touching moment.

Maria is laughing at Fiz's expense in the salon as Joanne gets her makeover. Maria is gleefully letting everyone know about Fiz's topple into the mud and thinks get a little tense...

Scooter tells Martin his modified speech and thankfully it's a lot easier on the ears. Martin tempts fate by asking to have the fish diseases put back in but thankfully Scooter sees the joke...showing he does have intelligence after all (deciphering Martin's almost non-existent humour is a task suited to a MENSA member)

Maria walks into the pub and reveals the all new Joanne. As Joanne basks in her makeover, Jessie looks pretty down and Sean asks her what's up and she says how they looked almost identical up until they were aged 13. Jessie says that Joanne's act of them looking the same its just her being nice. Joanne overhears and the girls apologise to each other and make up.

There's a drunk trouble maker who's walked into the Corrie studios hoping for an audition. Realising there is already enough deadwood in the cast, Bev heads over and tries to throw him out. Liz asks Bob to be a man and help her but oddly enough, he ends up dancing with him (quite inapt anyone who's read the news recently will realise) Steve returns and manages to get rid of him, using his temper he's built up through the day to full effect.

Violet asks Nathan to have a drink with Joanne in exchange for a pint and a hotpot. He would've preferred a date with himself, but this offer will do so he goes and takes the gushing twin across to a separate table.

Meanwhile in a blatant plugging of another ITV show, Tracy and Steve in separate houses disgust their generation by settling down to watch Who Want to Be A millionaire, both looking suitably miserable. And who can blame them? Chris Tarrant gets on everybody's nerves.

Duncan Lindsay

It's Friday night and off we go down the Street once more.

Near the taxi office, Steve has stopped the cab. He called Eileen and tells her he's outside and asks if there's another job, but she tells him to come inside and brew up. Tracy appears on the roadway in front of the car and gives him a hand signal inviting him to drive forward. I didn't know until this moment that a hand signal could be sarcastic, but this certainly was. Steve sees red and starts to gun the car, but his mother suddenly appears at his car window and tells him he'll only regret it and spend his life in prison like his dad. He swears he wasn't going to run down Tracy. "She might be a nightmare bitch, but she's still Amy's mum."

Gail, Scooter and Sarah are preparing to go to court. Scooter's wondering if he should take his toothbrush. Gail assures him he won't be going to prison. "That's easy for you to say," says Sarah. "You're not the one going to be sleeping in a cell with an 18-stone skinhead." Gail points out that Scooter isn't likely to go to jail unless he jumps out of the dock and thumps the magistrate. Is he planning on doing that? "Not unless he really does my head in," Scooter says. It doesn't help that Lloyd pulls up beside them saying: "Taxi for the condemned man?"

Outside Fred's shop, Dev wants to know if he's made a decision about buying half the taxi firm. Fred hasn't.

In the cafe, Tracy is telling Roy and Hayley about the abduction (hah!). Vera is horrified. Tracy says she's too scared to let Amy outdoors. Vera tells her she knew Steve was a wrong un. Tracy says she needs the Croppers' help. Roy says they don't want to get involved. "Do you want to continue to see Amy or not?" Tracy asks them. "We hardly see her regularly as it is," Roy protests. Hayley doesn't want to antagonise Tracy, who tells them that when Amy is with them, they mustn't let Steve hold her or speak to her. "You're either with us or against us, and if you are against us, I'm going to have to find another babysitter." Hayley assures them they're with her. "Good," says Tracy, "and don't you forget it!" She goes. Vera says: "Who would have thought it? Steve McDonald a kidnapper." "Who'd have thought it?" Roy says. "Probably, on reflection, not me." Hayley: "Me either."

In the taxi office, Eileen and Liz are trying to get the truth about Tracy into Steve's head. He's amazed that Tracy would be so heartless as to put her family through the stress she did. His mother says Tracy doesn't love anyone. Tracy is a psychopath. Steve says he still wants to see his daughter. Eileen tells him he has to use his brains in this, otherwise the next time he sees his daughter will be when she turns up on his doorstep in 15 years' time, "and that's if you're lucky. Tracy hates you and she's going to make Amy hate you. So if you remember that every time you have dealings with her you're going to be a lot better off than you are now." Steve looks at Liz. "She's right," says Liz. Steve walks out.

In the magistrate's court, the script writers seem very confused about how the court system works. It seems that Scooter has pleaded not guilty, but instead of being remanded for a hearing, so the fish owner, the police, and any other relevant witnesses can be called, the magistrates are just going right ahead. Scooter tells the magistrates, who are led by a woman who used to be Barbara Kirk in Emmerdale, that he didn't steal the fish, he saved them from advanced carp pox. (http://www.koi-carp.com/KoiHealth/Diseases.asp -- they don't just make this stuff up, you know!) "I did the right thing and I'd do it again," Scooter says. "I stole them, fair enough, but I did it for the fish." "That sounds like your epitaph," the magistrate says. "Back in the dock, please, Henry Fonda."

Over at the Barlows', Blanche has gone out without Deirdre realising. She comes in and it turns out she's been at a whist drive. "Where's Amy?" Blanche asks. "Upstairs, Tracy tells her. "She's safe." Blanche plans on going out to Bingo at Lena's day centre.

Back in the court, Gail is telling the bench what an honest, trustworthy, truthful lad Scooter is. Just the sort of lad you'd want as a potential son-in-law (whew!). The lady magistrate thinks Gail looks family. Her colleague whispers and she realises Gail was married to Richard Hillman. Gail protests that this isn't relevant, but the magistrate says it calls into question her skills in judging character. "If anything, it's sharpened my judgment," Gail tells her. "I'm suspicious of everyone now. That Scooter's gained my trust is a measure of him." The magistrates retire to consider their verdict.

At Deirdre's, Liz is telling her all about Bob and Bev and the drunk in the Wethy Arms. Tracy comes in and asks Liz: "Back again? Doesn't your coven miss you? Deirdre tells her not to talk to Liz like that, but Tracy replies that it's time Deirdre got some new mates. "She could be casing the joint for the Childcatcher." Liz asks whether Tracy thinks anyone really believes her. "We'll see what the police have got to say," Tracy replies. Liz tells her again that nobody believes her. Tracy asks Deirdre: "Do you think I'm lying?" "Well, not lying exactly . . ." her mother begins. She's interrupted by the return of Blanche, who also wants to know what Liz is doing there. "Poisoning my Mum against me," Tracy says. Blanche says Deirdre is consorting with the enemy. "If it were war time you would have your hair shorn off for less than that!" "Oh, it is war time," Tracy says. "And the enemy's closer than you think. Sharpen your clippers, I say."

In the court, the magistrates are back ready to pass verdict on Hiran Mequana (I have no idea of the spelling, sorry), which startles Gail until Sarah says that's Scooter's real name. The woman magistrate tells Scooter they've found him guilty and next time he should call the SPCA. She says they have several sentencing options open to them, including incarceration. Scooter slumps into the seat in the dock.

Hiran/Scooter is annoyed he has been fined £100 and given some community service to do. He's thinking of appealing, but Gail tries to dissuade him. She points out he could end up cleaning out fish ponds for his community service. And with Scooter still muttering they head home.

A car pulls up in the street and Danny gets out with his mother, Viv, who is not at all impressed with No 7 and think their elbows much go through into the neighbours' house when the family sits down to eat. Frankie also gets out of the car and says she thought they could go to the pub to get something to eat. Viv is horrified that they're thinking of drinking just a day after her Harry's funeral. As Mike and Danny deal with Viv, Penny mutters to Frankie that she can't understand why Frankie's not swung for Viv already. "She did give birth to my Danny," Frankie explains.

Steve is heading back from the Kabin and Blanche tells him she's horrified that he's walking about seemingly without a care in the world. She ignores the fact that he helps her step up on to the pavement and keeps haranguing him. "I supposed someone had to believe Tracy's story," he tells her. "It might as well be you, Blanche, seeing as how you always see the good in everybody!" "I hope the police find it as funny as you do!" she tells him.

In the Rovers, Danny is annoyed about the lack of service, but Fred is run off his feet. He's a bit suspicious about Frankie and Penny being up at the bar, too, but they tell him Viv's having a catch-up with Mike and didn't want them at the table. "What food have you got?" Danny asks Fred. Does he think Fred's got five pairs of hands? "Nuts and scratchings," Fred says. Danny tells him: "You can get cream for that." Mike tells Viv she's certainly looked after herself. (I think this is a ruse to get around the fact that the actress, Patricia Brake, formerly Eth in The Glums and Sarah Foster in Emmerdale, is barely old enough to be Danny's mother!) He explains that he and Harry didn't always get on but they were still brothers. Frankie warns Penny to keep an eye on Viv. It seems Danny didn't get his wandering eye from his dad, but from Viv. "There won't be a spare half to her bed for long."

In the taxi office, Steve feels as if he's waiting for the opposite of Christmas. Eileen says the police won't keep him waiting for long -- they'll either arrest him or tell his solicitor they won't be proceeding. She thinks he's making a mistake taking things personally and letting Tracy wind him up. "DO YOU BLAME ME!!???" shrieks Steve. "Don't shout at me," Eileen tells him. "You heat up faster than a kettle, and that's a hint." Steve says he'll make the tea in a minute. Eileen tells him the courts will side with Tracy because they always side with the mother. Couples use the kids to score points in a relationship and that's what Tracy's going to do. "You have to be bigger. Just be calm, be polite and reasonable, don't provoke her and don't points score." She stops as two police walk in and ask, "Steve McDonald?"

In the pub, Lloyd is comisserating with Fred about the difficulties of running more than one business and getting the right staff. "No-one wants to work these days," Fred agrees. "They all want fringe benefits -- days off and paternity leave. Nanny state!" Lloyd agrees: "Maoists!" Dev comes in and tells Fred to put in an offer. He says Lloyd's put in an offer but won't be successful. And as he leaves he mutters to Lloyd: "Nice try!" Hayley and Roy come in wanting something different. They settle on a pineapple juice each, causing Fred to do the traditional dance of sarcastic landlords. "He's short-staffed," Lloyd explains. "He seems to be taking it personally."

Tracy answers the door to find Steve standing there. "What do you want?" A cosy little chat, he tells her. He's had a visit from the police and they're not going to proceed. He says they saw through her plan and now she can expect a visit about wasting police time. She looks scared and he grabs her, pushing her back against the wall. "You'd better be scared. I am going to fight dirty, dirtier than you can ever imagine. By the time I am finished you are going to wish you'd never met me!"

The End
Margaret Carr

Sunday 31 July Episode 6082

Here’s the update for Sunday 31st July.

We open in the Baldwin residence. A somewhat fragile Viv comes down for breakfast with Danny and Frankie. They ask if she slept all right because some maniac over the back likes to play music sometimes. Viv comments that that’s what you get when you move to a neighbourhood like that. She thinks she might go for a walk later if the weather’s nice, and asks if there’s anything to see round there. Frankie tells her there’s the park or the Red Rec, or she could get a tram into Manchester. She offers to go with her, but Viv says she’ll see how she feels, she might ask Mike. Danny fiddles with the radio, trying to hear a weather forecast, but can’t get it to work, he mutters that he’ll get a new one. “Don’t go wasting your money,” says Viv, “Harry’ll fix that for you,” and then dissolves into tears. “I keep forgetting that he’s gone,” she sobs.

The factory girls are walking across the street, heading for work. They see Nathan outside the garage, and Jessie asks if he’s all set for his big day. He looks puzzled. “What big day’s that then?” he asks. “With Joanne,” says Jessie, pointing to her sister, “you said you’d take her for a pizza at dinnertime, you arranged it in the pub the other night.” Nathan looks a bit blank, and Joanne looks mortified, but the others all confirm that he did indeed make the date. “But if you’re going to be in work all day……” he begins, but is assured they are only working until 1 o’clock. “I’ll meet you there then, shall I?” he says to Joanne, who looks at him in disbelief. “Only if you’re sure,” she stammers, but he says he’ll look forward to it.

Lloyd is on the phone in the taxi office when Claire comes in. “I didn’t know you could do the switch,” she says. He tells her, “You have to be able to do a lot of things when you’re not born with a silver spoon in your gob, you never know when you’re going to need it.” His attitude towards her is decidedly frosty and eventually she asks if he’s ok. He tells her he’s fine, although he did have a dream that he’d own his own cab office one day, or a share in one. She beams at him, “Are you thinking of buying Dev’s share?” He tells her he was, until she muscled in, there’s no way he can match her offer. He goes on to say that she’s only been in the business five minutes, he was showing her the ropes last month and now he’ll have to take orders from her. Understanding slowly dawns on Claire, “Hang on a minute,” she says, “are you saying Fred has been talking about buying into Streetcars?” Craig can’t believe she didn’t know, but tells her that apparently Fred can match the asking price and he can’t go that high. Claire looks furious.

Ashley is out training with Nathan, who confesses that he only asked Joanne out because he felt sorry for her, he doesn’t fancy her. Ashley collapses onto the ground after his press ups. As he staggers to his feet Nathan hypes him up. Ashley runs off shouting, “I’m gonna kill ‘im!” “Why?” Nathan demands to know. “Because mad dogs need to be put down!” Ashley shouts back.

Bob goes to see Liz at the Weatherfield Arms, but she is rather cool and offhand, and declines his offer of a drink. He asks if there’s anything wrong, but she says there isn't.

Claire arrives home to find Fred reading the paper. She lets him know that she is decidedly unhappy at his meddling in Streetcars. “Well,” he begins, I know how happy you are working there……” “So you thought you’d buy the company for me!” Claire is cross and makes sure Fred knows it. She tells him she’s only been there four weeks and already he’s interfering. She tells him Lloyd is hardly talking to her because of what Fred’s done, and she knew nothing about it, she felt like a right fool. He tells her he only wants the best for her and she softens slightly and says she knows he does, but she wants to make her own way in life. She tells him he’s a lovely man, and he means well, but he can’t keep interfering, it’s smothering her.

Nathan and Joanne are at the pizza restaurant. Conversation seems a little strained, and the two are very awkward with each other as she seems exceptionally tense and nervous. He tries to make conversation by asking her about her likes and dislikes in film and music. Then she tells him that she and her sister sing, they’ve written lots of songs and taped them. They’re going to send them off to a record company. Nathan perks up and takes notice. “That’s great,” he tells her, “why didn’t you tell me that before?”

Over in the Weatherfield Arms, Bob is chatting to Bev while Liz collects glasses. She comes up to them, and he tells her that he and Bev are having a bit of a banter. “Is Bev entertaining you?” she asks, with a sour face. “Well, nobody else is,” he points out, so Liz suggests he takes her for a bite to eat when she finishes in the pub at 3pm.

Back at the Peacock residence, Claire is talking to Ashley about her conversation with Fred. Ashley hopes she’s ready for Fred to be sulking for the next couple of weeks, especially as he was only trying to help. Claire is adamant that she doesn’t want any help. “Am I supposed to say nothing every time he upsets me?” she asks, “I mean, you don’t go behind my back like that, do you?” Ashley looks worried for a moment. “Errr, no,” he mumbles. She goes on, “you don’t have secrets that I could find out from other people, because you know I’d never forgive you!”

In the pizza restaurant, Joanne is still talking about the songs, and mentions one in particular that Jessie wrote. Nathan makes the mistake of asking what its about, and Joanne bursts into song, there at the table, and she is not exactly a good singer! Nathan concentrates on his pizza, until suddenly he hears his name called across the room. It’s a old friend, an attractive girl who comes over and chats to him. She tells him she’s split with her boyfriend and they arrange to meet up, he says he’ll phone her. While all this is going on Joanne quietly gets up and leaves the table. After his friend has gone, Nathan looks round for Joanne, bewildered.

Bob is still at the bar, waiting for Liz. He then decides to leave, they’ll go out to eat another time, but before he goes he asks if everything is really all right, he’s getting mixed messages from her. One minute she’s cool, the next she’s fine. She confesses that it was the episode with the drunk that’s affected her. He asks if she thinks he’s not man enough, but she tells him that her marriage to Jim ended because he was too handy with his fists. “This is coming out all wrong,” she tells him, “but it was just a bit weird being with someone who tries a different approach.” He reckons he made a pig’s ear out of it, but she tells him no. “I don’t come across as a force to be reckoned with, is that it?” he says, huffily. “Now you’re taking it the wrong way,” she tells him, and tells him she just needs time to get used to it. “I’ll see you another time then,” he says, and leaves. Bev offers her some words of advice: “You want to make up your mind whether you want that man or not.”

Driving her taxi, Claire stops at a red traffic light. Glancing to the side she is shocked to see a poster advertising the boxing match between Mad Dog Maddocks and Ashley Peacock. She gets out of the car and goes and tears it off the wall. The lights go green and she gets hooted at angrily by drivers queuing behind her. After reading the poster quickly she drives off.

Joanne arrives back at the Rovers, looking upset. “How did it go?” asks her sister. “Like you need to ask!” says Kelly. Joanne assures them that he didn’t stand her up, that he was friendly and polite, but he’s just not interested. Sean tells her she looks fabulous and gives her a hug.

Claire arrives home, furious once again, and brandishes the poster at Ashley. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she demands to know. He starts to reply but she interrupts. “Because you knew I’d murder you, that’s why!” She wants to know who else knows, she supposes that Fred does. “You lecture me for telling him off, and all the time you’re plotting this behind my back!” She asks why it’s back on after being cancelled, and he tells her that Maddocks insulted her. “You step into that ring and we’ve got a big problem,” she tells him. Ashley digs his heels in, “Well, I’m not backing down,” he says. “You’d better had,” Claire says, but Ashley is adamant that he wont. “Call it off,” she says, “or I’m going to my mum’s.” Ashley doesn’t believe her. “Try me,” she says. Ashley says he’d never live it down if he backed out now. Claire goes upstairs to pack.

Viv and Mike are walking along beside the duck pond. They sit on a park bench and he tries to cheer her up. “You’ve got Danny and the grandkids,” he tells her, and she agrees that he’s been a good lad. “A son needs his father,” she says, and Mike agrees, saying that he’s grateful that he has Adam. “Try and love Danny too,” she urges him, but Mike points out that a man can’t love his nephew like he loves his own son. “Danny’s more than just your nephew, Mike,” says Viv, “he is your son!”

The end. (Wow! Now there's a turn up for the book!)

Annie Logan

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Updates written by K Richard Whitbread, Martin Rosen, Ann Logan, Peter Webb, Margaret Carr, Mary Earlam, Amanda Souter.

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