Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
A frustrating time this last week or so. Having had some glitches the preceding week with the new internet provider (Force 9) offering freephone net access at the weekend, their database collapsed - after re-registering a number of times, I was no nearer getting access, I did the deed on a similar deal with British Telecom. That has been very successful.
The phone side of things hasn't - I had the Business Highway version of ISDN fitted, but that was followed by noise problems for nearly a whole week, during which times neither the analogue nor digital lines were usable. I had countless visits from BT, who apparently ripped apart chunks of the exchange to resolve the problem. This was finally done nearly a week later and since then its been a sheer joy downloading stuff from newsgroups and the web. It's quite amazing to find yourself connected with a couple of seconds, rather than having to wait for the modem to retrain. It's also quite summat to be getting data throughput of around 25 megabytes an hour. I think back to the very first modem (1200/75) I had in 1987, operating at 1200 bits per second download and 75 bps upload. We've moved a long way since then. Anyway.....
The programme starts at the Battersbys, where the atmosphere is still strained. Despite Janice's denial that anything took place with Owen, Les feels he will be the laughing stock of the street. "Nowt new there" is Janice's response, echoing the thoughts of millions. He sticks the boot in when he remarks how he could never imagine Owen fancying anyone like her.
As Janice storms out to work, Leanne comes in, full of the joys of spring - she has to drop the hint.... "well, anyone gonna wish me a happy birthday?" The silence flummoxes her.
Outside in the street, whom does Janice bump into? None other than Owen. He looks desperate to talk.
Sally is whinging on to Kevin about Rosie's behaviour - he tells her that it is too dangerous for him to be looking after the child at the garage. It is clear that Sally doesn't relish having Rosie with her for another day at the market. Kevin adds to those woes by telling her that he and Alison are moving into their flat at the weekend, so they will not be able to look after the girls.
Back at the Battersbys, Leanne is being filled in on the Owen saga by Toyah and Les. Les is preoccupied, hurt at what he thinks Janice might have done. Toyah has a go at him for his selfish behaviour and, after a blazing row, she storms out to school, giving Leanne her birthday card on her way out.
At the café, Janice has met up with Owen to put him straight on the situation. He apologises for his behaviour and for what he said. She tells him they have no future, but he will not hear her words. He is insistent, so tells him she has no feelings for him. She was flattered by his attention but nothing is going to happen. He begs her to reconsider, he tells her that she is taking the easy way out, by not wanting to face up to reality - she could have something so much better, she is like an animal that would leave the cage, even though the door is wide open.
In the Rovers, Maxine and Ashley have met up for lunch, she tells him she's arranged for her folks to come round tonight. Ashley looks afeard.
Fred is passing on the juicy gossip about Les and Owen to Maud "scrabbling about in t'the gutter. Mind you, I'm not one to gossip, but I suspect we were witnessing the messy end of a sordid love triangle." Maud wonders who the unfortunate lady was that Les was pursuing this time. "Not him, her" says Fred jumping to erroneous conclusions, " and by look of 'im, 'e were no more than a lad." Maude is disbelieving "are you telling me that Janice Battersby has got a toyboy?" "As I say, I'm not one to gossip" replies RFred.
Ashley and Maxine discuss their living arrangements. They come to the conclusion that they would rather stay in their own respective places and not move in together until they are married.
Their happiness is short-lived as Fred interrupts their cosy chat. He accuses Maxine of having her eye on the main chance and wonders how much she took Ashley for, as regards the ring. The conversation gets more strained, but the young lovers are quite unprepared for Fred's response as he tells them that he is going to sell the house in which Ashley is living, so they are going to have to make their own living arrangements.
At the café, Owen is making a desperate attempt to get Janice to reconsider. She begs him for the last time, but he brushes aside her protestations. She gathers breath and launches into an attack. Playing cruel to be kind, she mocks him and his affections, she doesn't have any feelings for him, she doesn't love him, she says. He is an embarrassment to her, she tells him, "there is only one person leaving today, and that's you, now." When he protests that she doesn't mean it, she threatens that if he pursues her any further, she will call the police. If he doesn't stop, he will have more than Les to contend with, she'll have him locked up, "so go on, go home and grow up. I don't ever want to see you here again." Hearing Janice's increasingly raised voice, Gail comes over to see if there is a problem. Janice tells him that there is no problem, Owen is leaving. Absolutely shattered by Janice's onslaught, Owen gets up from the table and, without a word, walks out of the café, a broken man, leaving Janice breaking down in tears.....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at the café.
Gail is sympathising, as she tells Janice that Owen must have
thought a lot about her to come all this way. "And I threatened
him with the police" replies Janice tearfully. She tells
Gail that she didn't mean to hurt him, it was the only way to
make him go. When Gail asks "you weren't seriously thinking
of going with him", Janice replies "of course not, but
it did make me think, though." She pauses and gets up from
the table. "Yes", she continues, "it's a dangerous
game this thinking lark" - smiling wistfully , she concludes
"being married to Les, I've learned not to do it much."
She asks Gail not to say anything to Les about her and Owen being
in the café, as Les thinks Owen went back to Wales the
previous night. Gail makes her promise and looks on sadly, as
Janice makes a move for another day's work at the factory.
In the Rovers, Maxine is upset - considering Fred is Ashley's dad, he has a funny way of showing it. She is upset at Fred having a go at her all the time. Ashley understands but tells her that Fred is in the past, it's the future which he is considering and they are going to be man and wife and that's all he cares about. Awwww!
Leanne has been telling Vikram that the party at her house is off, but, much to her surprise Vikram isn't too perturbed. He tells her that it was never going to be much fun with Les around, in any case. She tells him that they are going to have some drinks in the Rovers and she needs cheering up.
Janice comes home to find Les embroiled in deep domesticity. She is puzzled. He is doing the washing up and offers her a brew. She tells him that she is just popping round to advise that she is required to work overtime - Les doesn't appear to be too happy - "we need the money" is Janice's pragmatic reply. Les tells her he has something important to say - he has been thinking. "I've decided to forgive ya" is his bombshell statement. Given what she has been through, Janice is decidedly unimpressed, "that's very big of you" is her sarcastic reply. Les goes off into a sermon about how it's not easy for him, the queer looks he has had today in the street, but this is their family and as long as she realises that, then he is prepared to say no more about it. (Condescending b*st*rd!!!) Janice gets up to leave for work. but Les stops her for one last reassurance that nothing happened. Janice is becoming increasingly irritated by Les' tone and reminds him that he wasn't going to say anymore about it. He pauses and tells her that he wants the two of them to go down to the Rovers as a family for Leanne's birthday - Janice might have let him and herself down, but she is not going to let down their Leanne because of her shenanigans. Exasperated, Janice tells him she wouldn't let down Leanne. Grrrr!!! The words, "pot, kettle and black" spring to mind.
Maxine and Ashley have gone round to meet Maxine's parents, Derek and Doreen. Lickle Ashley is dressed up to the nines with suit and waistcoat, not a hair out of place. "So this is Ashley" purrs ****, "we've heard a lot about you." After a preamble, Ashley takes the bull by the horns, "I feel its only proper to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage". Dad responds by telling Ashley he has got things out of order judging by the ring on Maxine's hand, "you'd be right up the creek if I said no, wouldn't you?" Ashley gulps but Doreen restores balance by telling her hubby to stop teasing Ashley. She gets Ashley to sit next to her, as she is determined to find out all about him. When Maxine wonders why, as she has already been given the third degree, Doreen responds that she wants to make sure their stories match up. Poor Ashley's face sinks again as he doesn't recognise the wind-up.
At the Rovers, it's Maud's turn it chastise and it's Fred at the receiving end. He admits he had made a mistake telling Ashley as it was a spur of the moment decision. Maud warns Fred that if he sells the house, he will drive Maxine and Ashley closer together. She remarks on what a lovely couple they make together and if he really wants to be a father to the boy, he should stop all this nonsense and give them his blessing. Yay, Maud!!
Vikram turns up at the Rovers for Leanne's birthday party, bringing with him a box of chocolates. Leanne, quite rightly, comments the he hasn't even bothered to wrap them up. Vikram offers to get her a drink after he has received a birthday kiss. This advance gets rebuffed when Leanne spots the price-tag still on the box.
Ashley is getting on famously with Maxine's parents. He has enjoyed the meal and we now get down to the important part of the evening - bonding between father and son-in-law - as dad invites Ashley to have a look at his truck. As the two guys go off, Maxine excitedly asks her mum what she thinks. Doreen gives her seal of approval.
At the Rovers, Audrey is wondering how Ashley is getting on - not surprisingly, Fred has no doubts, "he's a grand lad, is my Ashley." Awwwww!! Maud smiles silently and Fred picks up her reaction. She points out that he has changed his tune.
Les descends on Leanne's party at the Rovers. She remarks that it's the most boring birthday she has ever had and immediately asks whether he has brought her his present. He hasn't had time, he replies, his present is the birthday spirit. Toyah leaps in quickly "so you'll be buying all the drinks then?" Well and truly cornered, he acquiesces.
As he goes to the bar to get them in, Fred takes the opportunity of doing some noseying around, as he asks the family are, "Janice doing well?" "She's fine, I'm fine, we're both fine, alright?" is Les' pointed reply.
Les then tells Betty that he wants the drinks to flow like wine at Leanne's table, its her 18th birthday. Yikes!!!!! Another Les faux pas!!! Betty tackles Leanne on her age and when Leanne admits it's true, Betty is understandable angry, pointing out that employing an under-age barmaid could have cost Natalie her licence.
Ashley's meeting with the folks is a resounding success as Doreen tells him she has a good feeling about him. She tells him she is "so pleased you've found each other. Do you know she was with this lad, a couple of years back. We were never introduced to him and he only went and moved another woman into the house, the swine - and the other girl was pregnant. If you ask me it was probably his child." Time for another gulp from Ashley!! "But you're a goodun, you're a keeper" she continues, followed by the prize Peacock grin.
It's time to go home at the factory. As Deirdre chivvies them to go home, so she can lock up, Linda makes a smart-Alec comment under her breath "Locking up, eh. It makes a change from being locked up." Deirdre half catches the remark, but Linda denies saying anything untoward. Deirdre is not convinced.
Maxine and Ashley return to the Rovers, delighted at how well the evening has gone. They join Leanne's party.
Fred overhears the joie de vivre and remarks that all this happiness is getting him down.
At the bar, Les tells Janice that, although he never normally says so, he does appreciate her. Janice is understandably touched. never knowing when to stop, he carries on remarking how it's a turn-on another man fancying her "it's like your wife in a wet tea-shirt competition." Not a good career move, Les!!!
Leanne's party is livening up somewhat. Suddenly, Ashley remembers some post which arrived for Leanne a few days back. He hands her an envelope. It's from Canada, realises Leanne. Ashley is puzzled because it's the wrong shape for a card. Leanne opens up the letter and reads its contents. There is a stunned look on her face. It is a request for a divorce.
Back at the factory, Linda is asking Mike whether he has any plans for tonight. He is irritated by her behaviour and how she is sailing close to the wind. Linda explains that she has to be convincing, if she starts being nice to the boss, then this is likely to attract suspicion. He tells her to back off a bit, especially regarding Deirdre. They start to embrace. As they do so, Hayley returns to the factory to pick up something she has forgotten. There is an embarrassed look on her face, as she realises what is going on. Mike doesn't see Hayley, as his back is towards her, but Linda does. Time seems to stand still as both of them take in what has happened....
And with that... .... it is the cue for music and credits
Episode written by Joe Turner
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me?
A pretty good episode. Janice's performance with Owen, being cruel to be kind, was very moving indeed and was the spot of the episode. Les' recognition of Janice's attributes was also very touching, in his own cackhanded way.
Delightful sessions from Ashley, as ever.
Anyway that's it for now.. well, I can't stand here gabbin', I've got pies to shift. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious Glossop....
Regards, Alan
It's a miracle this ever got to you all. We had an electrical storm on Friday and I thought my computer was toast! Evidently it was just the modem, though, and I'm back on track now. So without further ado, here is what happened tonight.
Roy's Rolls: Hayley and Roy are working in the cafe, but their minds are still on what Hayley saw at the factory. Roy wonders if it could all have been a trick of the light. Hayley looks at him as if he were one sandwich short of a picnic, and emphasises that she saw them cuddling and kissing, and has been haunted by it ever since. Hayley also hated the way Linda looked at her, as if they both wanted the ground to open and swallow Hayley up. Roy urges Hayley not to say anything about it to Alma. Hayley asks if he thinks Alma has a right to know what Mike has been doing, and Roy says 'Well, yes, on the other hand, no.' Hayley continues to look thoughtful.
Gail's: Sarah-Lou and David get a telling off for having the TV on too loudly while Gail and Audrey are talking. Audrey wonders how Gail feels about Nick's divorce, and it seems Gail is in favour of a clean break from a mistake. Audrey speculates that Nick must have met someone else and be wanting to marry again to suddenly want a divorce. Gail isn't convinced that Nick would be so stupid as to go from one bad marriage straight into another. Audrey says Gail could phone Nick and find out, then they have a laugh about not knowing the time in Canada and always disturbing Stephen in the middle of the night, whatever time they phone. (Honestly, I would have thought they should both know!)
Roy's Rolls: Ashley apologises to Janice and Les that he was unaware of the contents of Leanne's letter. Les says it upset Leanne, and is inclined to thump Ashley for ruining Leanne's birthday. Janice is more forgiving, and Ashley returns to his and Maxine's table. Maxine reassures Ashley that their marriage is not going to fail like Nick and Leanne's did, and Ashley cheers up. Maxine says he has to tell his Mum about them, and then they have to go and see some churches. They depart happily.
Flat: Alison and Kevin are moving and unpacking boxes. Alison has a hugh box of dolls and teddies, and informs Kevin they have to live in the bedroom. Kevin laughs as Alison shows him her favourite ones and recites their names; Tammy, a bugs bunny thing; Molly, a gonk with green hair; Sue, a sort of cow with horns, and Meg. Alison almost believes Kevin when he jokes about his toys - Freddie the football, Colin the cricket bat...... Kevin says he will get some cutlery and crockery from Sally's later on, since the stuff at No13 belongs to him anyway. Alison says she will cook them a special tea.
Roy's Rolls: Hayley is still in a dilemma about telling Alma. Then she really confuses Roy by speculating what she would want if the situation were reversed - she were in Alma's shoes and Roy were Mike. Roy's face is a picture as he tells her that is not very likely. Hayley doesn't want to feel like she is as bad as Mike and Linda, by keeping it quiet, but Roy maintains that telling Alma isn't going to make Alma feel better, and could cost Hayley her job. Hayley emphasises that she is not afraid of Linda, which is just as well as Linda walks into the cafe. Linda asks for a word with Hayley and they sit down with a coffee.
Rovers: Ashley asks Betty if Leanne is OK. Betty says she has been on the phone to Nick for an hour. Fred arrives, and whilst still letting Ashley know his choice of bride leaves something to be desired, Fred concedes that he won't be selling the house. Ashley decides to go after being told he could do much better than Maxine. Leanne stomps indignantly out from the back and complains to Natalie and Betty about Nick. He apparently wants a divorce on the grounds that Leanne deserted him by not going to Canada. Natalie, mindful of her phone bill, wishes Leanne had written a letter instead.
Roy's Rolls: Linda wants to know if Hayley has told anyone, and she says only Roy. Linda assumes that Hayley is now pleased at the opportunity for revenge. Hayley assures her she isn't like Linda. Linda asks Hayley to keep it quiet, and when Hayley protests about Alma, Linda reminds her that Alma had walked out on Mike well before anything was going on, and also observes, quite cleverly I thought, that Hayley would not tell anyone, because that would make Hayley as bad as Linda, which is the last thing she wants. Linda then rather nastily warns Hayley to keep Roy quiet as well.
Break
Sally's House: Kevin packs a box of kitchen equipment with Sally's help. Rosie looks on sulkily, while Sophie shows Kevin a picture she has drawn, then asks if Kevin can stay for tea. Rosie realises that he won't and storms off upstairs, to Sally's evident frustration.
Rovers: Janice reassures Leanne that divorce isn't shameful these days. Leanne has now decided that the sooner the better, but she still seems in a bad mood. Ashley and Maxine have seen some nice churches, but they are all booked solid until next year. Ashley suggests a day other than Saturday, but Maxine won't hear of it. He wonders about hotels, the town hall or a football pitch, but Maxine wants to walk down an aisle, not a tunnel. They go home as they are expecting his mother shortly. Ravi flamboyently offers Audrey and Alma another drink, and when he has gone to the bar, Audrey teases Alma that Ravi likes her. Alma emphatically says she isn't interested. Roy and Hayley watch Linda get a drink and they all exchange glances. Hayley tells Roy she has decided not to say anything to Alma after all, but because Alma has been upset enough, not because she is doing Linda a favour.
Sally's: Sally and Kevin explain to Rosie that Kevin can't live with them any more, but he will be very close by. Rosie wants to go and look at the new flat, right now, but Kevin puts her off as it is a mess. He says they can go for tea tomorrow instead, and see their bedroom where they will stay at weekends. Rosie asks again if he can stay for tea tonight.
Street: Janice calls round at Ashley's, and goes in even though he says his mother will be there any minute. A silver BMW drives up and the occupant, Beryl, gets out just as Fred is going down the road. He wonders why she is there, and she assumes that he is also going to see Maxine and Ashley. Fred says he wasn't invited, then proceeds to tell Beryl what he thinks of the union. Fred calls Maxine a scarlet woman, saying she has been through the local men like a dose of salts, and will not stay with Ashley when someone else comes along. Beryl looks concerned, Fred advises her to meet Maxine and judge for herself!
Ashley's: Janice has gone round to find out if Ashley knows any more about Nick and his plans. He says he doesn't. There is a brief moment of confusion when Beryl first arrives and assumes Janice is who Ashley is about to marry. Janice thinks it is a huge joke, though Beryl looks relieved. Not for long, though, when Maxine comes down the stairs. 'That's more how I imagined her' she says, and smiles weakly.
Flat: Alison is cross as Kevin is an hour late. He explains about Rosie and says they are coming round tomorrow. He blames himself for Rosie's confusion. Alison gives Kevin a hug and says it will be OK. Kevin decides he isn't hungry - at least not for food - and carries a giggling Alison over the threshold into their bedroom.
Rovers: Les is unable to see the funny side when Janice tells him about Ashley's mother. Les was convinced Janice had sidled off to phone her lover or something. Janice wearily tells him to forget about Owen. Les is pleased when Janice reassures him she isn't going anywhere, her marriage vows were for life. They depart happily in search of a curry. Leanne has cheered up and tells Natalie she has decided Nick won't dictate to her what she does any more and she won't divorce him. Maxine is in tears as she has decided that Beryl hated her; in fact, Maxine thinks she is jinxed and will never find happiness Beryl hates her, Fred hates her and there isn't a church until the next millennium! Ashley pleads with her as Maxine wonders why everything is going wrong, and why she ever agreed to get married, and decides to call the whole thing off. She rushes out of the pub in tears. Ashley turns to see Fred sitting quietly at the side. He goes up to him saying 'I hope you're happy now' and follows Maxine out. Fred's expression could be interpreted as 'What have I done?'
Credits...
Episode written by Joe Turner.
Update written by Helen Johns, Salisbury
Hiya :)
Well, to keep you updated first and foremost with the weather here right now (as is often my way of introduction), I'm pleased to announce that today has actually been quite warm (if not a little dark in patches) with only one particularly bad spot of rain. An improvement, it has to be said but nonetheless disappointing considering we're now into July... and also considering how ridiculously summery the weather is right now in Halifax, Nova Scotia, according to one of my spies. ;) So, a humble request to those of you in brighter climes... If you would like to send some of the sunshine across to these shores, please feel free. I'll even pay for the postage.
Tonight's Corrie opens with Maxine and Ashley sitting at the breakfast table enjoying some toast and cereal. She is still in two minds as to whether she should call off the wedding since it doesn't possess the blessing of Ash's parents, but he insists that this is not the way to go about things. I meanwhile tire quickly of this entire storyline, I'm ashamed to say. Yep, I've finally come to a decision that it's one for the dumper. I *like* Ashley and Maxine lots but something about this whole tale doesn't add up, it plays more like a song by Billie than a storyline in the nation's finest drama serial! And no matter *how* many false starts and not-so-cleverly-contrived obstacles they encounter, it won't change my mind that all of this has happened *WAAAAY* too fast. Anyway, I digress. Back to the scene, Ashley holds her hand across the table, puts on a big grin and tells her that they don't have to please Fred or Beryl, the only things that count are their own feelings for each other (how many times have we heard this line in the last two weeks?). Following this, he kisses Max and heads off for work, leaving her to quickly dash to his phonebook and find Beryl's number. It seems she wants to find out once and for all, from the horse's mouth, just what Ashley's dear old mum has against her.
Over at Roy's Rolls, Gail serves up two truly delicious looking fried breakfasts for Kevin and Alison, asking them how they're getting on in the new flat. They're, of course, very chuffed about it and, at this point, Hayley bounces into the room to hand them both a "Good Luck in your New Home" card (how considerate!). They accept it graciously and nod as she explains that life's not been the same since she moved in with Roy and how she hopes that Mavelet and The Manic Mechanic manage to find this level of happiness too. Suddenly, a light bulb flickers above Kevin's head (first time in years? ;)) and he spews forth the idea of having a housewarming party in the new flat! Everyone in earshot squeals in delighted approval and it seems a plan has been hatched.
In the back room of the Rovers, Leanne and Natalie are discussing men and, more specifically, D.I.V.O.R.C.E... The former is seeking advice from the more experienced latter about what to do about her situation with Nick and, more importantly, what divorce will mean for her. She's annoyed that it's Nick asking *her* for divorce instead of the other way around, especially as it was he who abandoned her to swan off to The Land Of Moose, Beaver Tails and Ronniecat (Canada, for the less enlightened ;))... Natalie explains that it really doesn't matter who asked who since, if it's what they both really want, it'll all be over in a couple of years time. However, if Leanne wants to make matters difficult, it could take up to five, a prospect that the young Tilsley finds somewhat daunting. "I want a divorce, not a degree in Chinese!" she moans to which Natalie responds that although two years wait might not be as much fun as throwing Nick in the canal (what possibly could be more fun than *THAT* tho??? :)) but it's the quickest way to total freedom.
Maxine wanders into Roy's Rolls and meets a very cold, aloof Beryl at a table. "What is it, I haven't got long" snorts Old Mother Peacock as Max sits down nervously and asks (*big puppy eyes on stun!*) "Why do you hate me so much? I mean, it was the first time you'd clapped eyes on me last night, what did I do wrong?" - Beryl explains icily that Max's "reputation proceeds her" and it soon transpires that it's Fred who's been spreading the good word about Maxine's, let's say 'lively', history with the opposite sex. When Beryl says sternly that she does *not* want to see Ashley get hurt (adding that he's "not the kind of lad that could keep a girl like you interested"!), Maxine sets big puppy eyes on KILL and pleads to be understood with a loooong monologue (that I won't reproduce here) about how she might have made mistakes in the past but how Ashley is the only man who's ever made her feel secure and loved, and how she'll never ever hurt him as long as she lives etc... Beryl seems to finally be convinced that Maxine's telling the truth after being withered by the Deadly Puppy Lasers, so it looks like Mission Accomplished for Agent Heavey.
On the Street, Audrey and Janice bump into each other and begin a nasty- edged little chat about Nick and Leanne's D.I.V.O.R.C.E... Janice hopes that Whoopsie Boy hurries up and gets it over with since Lee is aching to be rid of him, a feeling that's apparently mutual since wee Nicky is apparently becoming quite the successful businessman over in Canada (obviously he's making a better go of that than he is over here as a pop star - poor lad couldn't even make the Top 4 with his sparkling new seven inch (record, for you sniggering at the back)) and needs no ties to hold him down... It seems he's taken a job working for his Uncle Stephen as a "Junior Executive" (read as Tea Boy) which means he now has his own flat, his own flashy car and "probably even his own secretary". As the Fragrant Councillor leaves with the parting blow of "He'll be a millionaire!", Janice looks a bit green and I try to fathom just what kind of a job Nicky No-Brains could possibly have landed. What *was* he studying in college anyway, by the way? Were we ever told?
Alison, Hayley and Linda sit in a booth in the Rovers discussing the former's new flat. She is happy at the moment but voices concern as to how she'll afford it if Baldwin really *is* planning on shutting down the Factory. Alma, who is at the bar, overhears this and politely interrupts the conversation to inform the girls that no matter what Mike tells them, she really *doesn't* want to get Underworld shut down and she truly believes that his threats are simply more of his 'little games'. To prove her sincere intentions she offers to buy the three Factory Bees drinks. Linda accepts with much gusto, a gesture that Hayley finds rather morally objectionable considering the circumstances. So much so that she is forced to leave ("Sorry Alma, I..I've..just remembered I've got something that needs doing") and, as she exits uncomfortably, Linda laughs and raises her nearly-empty glass to the long-suffering Mrs Baldwin.
Just then, Maxine enters and approaches Fred in another booth with the classic greeting "A-ha, I thought I'd find you here, you overgrown gnome!" (rofl!)... Fred looks gobsmacked from the word go and asks her incredulously what her game is. She sits down and sternly explains that the game is Fred's behaviour towards her impending marriage to his son. "All that matters is that me and Ashley love each other and that should be all that matters to you!" she protests (this gets more and more like a "Neighbours" plotline with each moment) and he scowls and suggests that they really don't seem to care *what* he thinks. She tells him not to be so ignorant and that of *course* Fred's opinion matters, especially to Ashley. "We're having a meal on Friday", she tells him, "Beryl's going to be there, my mum and dad are going to be there and I suggest you are too if you want to make up for the last 23 years" (ouch!)... Fred sits and chews slowly on this food for thought as we cut to the commercials.
END OF PART ONE
The advert for B.N. Chocolate Biscuits (yes, not the catchiest
name in the world is it?) is rapidly becoming one of the most
irritating on the box and if it wasn't for the fact that the insufferable
Lloyds-TSB one is shown almost every break for at least one minute,
it would probably top the polls.
PART TWO
Back to the fun, at Underworld now, where Linda cruelly teases
Hayley about earlier on. "You shoulda stopped for a drink",
she taunts, "I had a right giggle with Mrs Baldwin, she's
nice enough isn't she?" - Hayley doesn't rise to the bait,
instead preferring to just calmly tell Der UberMinx that she isn't
frightened of her and the only reason she's keeping the affair
secret is for fear of hurting Alma any further, before walking
away, dignity intact.
Fred arrives late at Freshco and is chided by an irate Ashley who has been anxiously awaiting his lunch break for a long time... The Butcher Of Weatherfield (senior) apologises for his tardyness and adds that he has been thinking long and hard about his attitude towards his son's wedding plans. He admits that he's been far too harsh on the pair of them and that this is unfair. "Ashley, son" he begins, "My sole purpose in life since you came into this world is to do that which is best for you. Trouble is, what's best for you and what makes you happy aren't always the same thing... Are you sure you want to marry Maxine and that she's the one to make you happy for the rest of your life?" - Ashley answers firmly in the affirmative to which Fred responds "Then I shall make no more fuss, you have the best wishes - pair of you!"... The Junior Butcher is evidentally pleased that his father has seen sense but demands that Fred apologises to Maxine for all of the terrible things he's said to her and about her... (Pssst, in all fairness, this was actually a really good scene despite my objections to the plot. John Savident and Stephen Arnold are superstars, I say, shining superstars!)
Scene Of The Night (TM) ensues as Alma arrives at the doorstep of Ravi's Cornershop, having forgotten to buy a loaf of bread from Freshco earlier that day. "Your forgetfulness is my good fortune", he coos, smoothly, inviting her in and adding "I wasn't referring to business, Alma, just the fact that you've graced my shop and I'd be just as happy if you bought nothing". She catches onto his little game quite quickly but refuses to play, instead acting the customer the whole way and exclaiming "Well, I like your idea of customer care, Ravi, but I don't think it'd be good for business!" - Ravi, smooth as silk and then some, tells her slyly that he only feels this way about special customers, these being the ones he intends to take out for dinner on Wednesday night. A shocked Alma tries to tell him politely that she wouldn't make very good company with the way she feels at the moment, but he waves his arms about and suggests that he will be good company for the both of them if this be the case. When she still hesitates, he pulls out the big guns, namely the PUPPY DOG EYES (borrowed from Maxine) and whinnies "Please, Alma, make an aging shopkeeper happy". She is tonight's second victim to the mighty strength of the Deadly Puppy Lasers as she reluctantly agrees to a meal for two at Delphines.
Les and Janice are discussing Leanne's D.I.V.O.R.C.E and, of course, the male of the two reckons it's the best thing that could happen to her, to "be rid of that Tilsley twit and them snobby Platts in one go". He's not so certain however, when Janice passes on what she heard earlier from Audrey about Little Nicky becoming a "Junior Executive" over in Canada for his Uncle... In fact, the penny drops in Les' head that the reason why Nick wants a divorce *now* is because he doesn't want Leanne to get too much money out of him (since logically, the more he's earning, the more he'll have to pay out). He asks Leanne, who's serving behind the bar, if she knew that Nick had a job. It seems he neglected to mention any of this on the 'phone to her the other night and she thought he was still at college...
At t'other end of t'bar, Maxine and Ashley enter and greet Fred. "I hear you wanted to see me", she tells him coldly and at this point he offers his deepest apologies to her: "I've behaved very unreasonably this past few days and I've seen now that I had no right and what's more, no reason. I'd be humbled if you'd accept my apologies." - To add sincerity his defence, he's bought her a box of sweets. "I wasn't sure you if you were a milk chocolate woman or a plain sort" he offers, gently, "So I got you some of each... I know Ashley's partialled to a chewy centre!"... They all smile at each other and Fred buys drinks all round. It appears that the hatchet has been well and truly buried and the ground is set for them all to live happily ever after. They toast "to nowt but fair weather hereafter". :)
Mike and Linda, meanwhile, polish off a bottle of pleasant looking white wine over at his flat. She asks if he has another bottle lying around and he tells he might do, adding "hard day at work was it?". She teases him and says "Yeah, the boss is a right slavedriver... But d'ya know, I reckon he fancies me". The playful charade continues with Mike threatening to beat up this mystery boss if he lays his grubby paws on Linda. As they laugh at his little joke and get closer to one another, she laments on the fact that they are having to be so secretive about their relationship. He tells her, once again, that it's for the best, considering his divorce situation. "You're the boss" she coos, then suggests that now is the time to open that second bottle whilst she goes and runs a bath.
The Elliot/Peacock/Heavey celebrations are continuing in the Rovers at a table with much alcohol having been imbibed by the look of it. As Fred stumbles out of the pub, Maxine tempts him with one final brandy truffle from the box of chocolates. He gives in and scoffs the chocolate whilst he exits stage left, turns round to see the happy couple kissing each other and smiles warmly at them... Over at a nearby booth, Hayley sits with Kevin and Alison as they discuss the guestlist for the housewarming party at the Bookies Flat. Obviously, The Royal Couple of Cropper are invited, along with assorted Factory Bees, Curly and a few others. Curiously, Alison seems reluctant to invite her parents along though. When quizzed as to why, she explains (to my surprise) that they're very religious and would go mad at the thought of her living with a man, especially one with two children. It seems she's told them that she's moving in with a girlfriend of her's and they're none the wiser. When Hayley suggests that surely they'll find out when they come to visit, Alison nervously bleats that she's not actually all that close to her parents... Hmm, is there more to this than meets the eye, I wonder?
Over at some house or another (I think it's Plattingham Palace), Gail and Leanne have some severe words about the D.I.V.O.R.C.E... The former engages IVY MODE: ON as Lee asks her the truth about Nick's situation in Canada. It seems it is indeed true, Whoopsie Boy is now a "Junior Executive" working for his Uncle Stephen and climbing the corporate ladder to outrageous fortune. This news irks Leanne to the extent that she snaps and barks "I used to get up at the crack of dawn, sorting papers all so that he didn't have to work, so that he could get his precious education!" before launching into a full scale venom-packed tirade about how *he* owes her for supporting him for a year whilst he was busy being a student. ESPECIALLY now he's gone and jacked the whole thing in for a high-flying job in Canada (and she doesn't even know about his gloriously short-lived pop career!)...
Cut quickly to the Rovers, where Audrey and Alma engage in hilarious conversation about men! Alma is still unsure of whether she's made the right decision regarding the acceptance of Ravi's dinner invitation. Audrey is confident that's definately on the right track there and when Alma voices concern that Ravi may want some dessert with his meal (ahem), Audrey explains her theory on men.
Audrey: "You don't have to jump in bed with a man to have a good time. A man can be a very vaulable accessory...Take me and fred right, there's nothing romantic between us but he's very handy to hang on my arm like a favourite handbag." Alma: "Good at carrying your make-up and things is he?" Audrey: (Laughs) "The difference is Fred is a trusty cowhide sort of handbag. You can take him to the shops or on the town and he'll be just as useful. But Ravi, well now, he's far more classy, he's more your patent leather, that sort of thing!"
Over at a table, meanwhile, Maxine and Ashley discuss the next obstacle in the way of their impending bliss, the fact that they are unable to find a Church that isn't booked up all the way through September (the month in which they intend to be wed). Max suggests perhaps they could be married in the Caribbean (!), an idea Ashley isn't too struck on, especially since it means he'll have to get a passport. He's never been abroad, he explains and when she asks where he goes on holiday, he tells that he's always gone to Blackpool to see the Tower! "Well, you'd better get a passport", she snorts, playfully, "Because I'm damned if I'm getting married up Blackpool Tower!"
Gail and Leanne wrap up the show with a good old fashioned shouting match about Nick. Leanne is now determined not to let Nick cheat her out of what's rightfully her's and when Gail protests that this is not the case, she yells "Oh yeah? Well how come he wants a divorce so soon? It's because he knows that the more he has, the more I'm entitled to... half of everything to be exact". At this, Gail turns the Ivy knob right up to 11 and hisses "You scheming little shrew" at her daughter-in-law, just before Lee gets the last laugh and proclaims "You tell Nick that if he wants a divorce, it's going to cost him... Plenty". Cue credits!
This episode was written by Phil Ford and I don't need to tell you that he did a good job, since, well, it's Phil Ford thus such a comment should go without saying! :) Admittedly some of the current crop of plots aren't to my taste. Ashley and Maxine doesn't add up for me and I'm really disheartened to see *ANOTHER* divorce story surface in the form of Leanne and Nick (who I'd hoped had fled the show for good never to be mentioned again)...
On the up side, Ravi was at his most priceless, as was Fred, oh and of course Audrey. Thankfully, all the other ongoing stories are pleasant and harmless enough to whir along nicely without any real cause for alarm.
So thus wraps up another Monday's installment of the Nation's Favourite! Roll on Summer!
'Til Next Time! :) The Rattler
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Yet again, I seem to be way behind on getting this update out - one of the problems when catching up is that the "update week" is somewhat compressed, with not a lot to report.
One item worth noting is that my big Hawaii 5-0 comes up in a few weeks time. Trude has booked a week away in Austria, so that should be fun. Really looking forward to a break away and a change of scenery. Now where can I hire that laptop and GSM phone? Hehehehehehe!! ;-)
The ping season seems to be in full flow in Canada with a number of events planned - Eoin from Northern Ireland is currently over there, splitting his time between Toronto and Ottawa - I'm deeply jealous of ya mate and delighted to hear you are having such a good time. You are amongst some lovely kind people and I look forward to the day when I pop over to meeting my chums in real life. Not forgetting those folk due to come over for the CRAP (Canucks Renegades Aardvarks and Possums - don't ask, it's a long story!!) Ping 2000 in September 2000. Anyway....
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel
The programme starts in the street, where a taxi pulls up outside the Rovers. Leanne has spent all night with Vikram at the casino. She fells like Cinderella except the clock is chiming eight and not midnight. She's not on until the afternoon and just wishes the night wouldn't end. With that, Vikram decides a champagne breakfast will round off the night beautifully and after last night they can afford it, he tells her. Still laughing and giggling, they get back into the car and turn around for Manchester, again. Across the street, Gail sees them frolicking and isn't impressed.
Alma pops into Underworld to talk to Mike. Deirdre shows him in. The noise and banter in the factory comes to a deathly hush as the girls view the action. Mike curtly asks what Alma wants. She asks how he is, but he uses this question as an opportunity for another snide dig. Pleasantly, Alma tells him she is not here to discuss the divorce. She asks how he is keeping - his reply continues in the previous vein, he is fine... and busy. She tells him he looks tired and, but in response from him, yet again, another jibe, about him staying awake at night wondering how to keep the place open while she and her solicitor are carving bits off him. Fed up of hearing his outbursts, she calmly tells him that it is a pity he didn't care as much about keeping his marriage afloat. She apologises, repeating she has not come here for an argument, she just wants to talk amicably. He repeats he is very busy, so she says, maybe another time, perhaps go out for a meal. Recognising her manner, he calms down and agrees to this suggestion.
As she leaves, Linda looks on, wondering what is going on - she doesn't look best pleased.
Gail is telling Sally about Leanne's antics - "she was so brazen. Taxis at that time in the morning. Heaven knows where they had been." Sally says that this is something she could never criticise them for, a night out, ending with breakfast, "sounds like heaven to me", she chimes wistfully. Gail doesn't see if the same way, after all Leanne is till married, but Sally points out that has never stopped anyone behaving badly. In any case, shouldn't she be grateful that Leanne and Nick are not getting back together? Sally wonders whether Gail is going to Kevin's party - Gail replies that she cannot, as Martin is on lates. Sally invites Gail round to share a bottle of wine - the offer is accepted.
Leanne is full of her night out telling Natalie about it - evidently, Vikram was on a winning roll and kept doubling his money again and again. Natalie asks whether Leanne will be fit for work. Leanne confirms she will, but worries whether Nat is mad with her. "Mad no, jealous yes" is the gist of the reply, as Natalie says its been ages since she has been out all night and gone straight to work. She tells Leanne she is pleased to see her smiling after the divorce problems. Leanne is happy with things and crows how she is going to push Nick for a financial settlement. She recounts how she told Gail and had the pleasure of watching the stunned look on her face, her only regret is not going to be able to see "golden boy's" face when he finds out how much it is going to cost him. They snigger together contemplating the scene, as Jack comes in with coffees. Ruefully, he comments "two happy women, it means there's a poor bloke suffering somewhere." Vera pops her head around the door with a letter from the hospital for Jack - it is an appointment a week today for the angiogram. Jack looks crestfallen.
In the pub, the factory girls are discussing Alma's visit, surmising its likely meaning and wondering whether Mike and Alma are likely to get back together again. They notice Linda is absent and wonder where she is.
At the factory, Linda has stayed back to tackle Mike and find out why Alma came round. Mike is non-committal and fobs her off with an excuse. It is clear that Linda isn't happy, but Mike tells her that Alma came to see him - he didn't ask HER. Mike says that it suits him for this relationship with Alma to be amicable, as it could save him a fortune. When Linda points out that it could save him more if they got back together, Mike agrees, but says this isn't going to happen. "Trust me" he says as he kisses her.
Alma tells Audrey that events are spiralling out of their control and that is why she needed to talk to Mike. Audrey is cynical but Alma need to know for sure, whether Mike really does want a divorce. Audrey warns Alma to be careful - if Mike is nice to her then it is with the motive of trying to diddle her out of what is rightfully hers' in the divorce settlement.....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Kevin and Alison's
housewarming party, where things are definitely going with a swing.
Tyrone is enthusing about the place to Deirdre, saying that it
is much better than when he was staying there previously and compliments
Kevin on what he has done to the place. "Well, thanks very
much" says a cheesed-off Deirdre. Tyrone is oblivious of
his faux-pas, namely, that Deirdre was living there previously.
Linda tackles Hayley about Alma's visit to the factory, accusing her of knowing that Alma was going to visit Mike. Hayley replies that they are man and wife, after all, and reassures her that she hasn't told anyone about Linda's involvement with Mike. Linda tells Hayley that it's best kept that way and that Hayley wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of Mike. Hayley tells Linda that, has Alma known about the affair, then Mike and Alma would have been rowing - as it was, from the body language, it appeared they were having a friendly chat, like two people trying to sort things out, possibly get back together again. Linda does not look best pleased by this opinion.
Deirdre chats with Tyrone, saying how Kevin was singing his praises as a mechanic, if not a diplomat. Our enthusiastic young star is thrilled by this news and immediately asks Kevin for a rise. "Give over, you'd only spend it on booze and birds" replies Kevin. Tyrone denies this, he would rather get himself a place to live, rather than dossing at Marcus' place, "somewhere like this would do me - well, just about."
Janice and Alison pull Linda's leg about her being miserable because her boyfriend is giving her a tough time and wonder why they have never seen him. "It's not his scene" replies Linda. When Janice jokingly wonders whether Linda is making up the existence of the boyfriend, Linda is distinctly rattled.
It's the meeting of the prospective in-laws as Ashley's mum, Beryl and Fred meet Maxine's parents. Fred is very complimentary about Maxine's mum, Doreen's appearance, "you can see where Maxine gets her looks from. Always take a gander at the mother, Ashley, see what you're getting in for long tem." Maxine replies that, having met Ashley's mum, she can see where he gets his sweet nature from. While Fred sorts the drinks, the in-laws get into probe-mode, as Doreen asks Beryl where she works. When Beryl replies that she works at the garden centre, Derek is polite but Doreen puts down her marker. "Working outside in all weathers takes its toll on the complexion, I see. Still, we can do wonders nowadays." Miaow!!!!! Ashley explains that Doreen sells make-up - "cosmetics consultant" corrects Doreen. Beryl looks distinctly unimpressed. When Fred returns with the drinks, Doreen opines that Ashley has dropped lucky with Maxine. "I'm sure she's just as happy with our Ashley and all" replies Beryl. When Derek comments that he always thought Maxine could have had her pick of men, Fred quickly retorts that he is surprised nobody got there before Ashley. Touché!! Poor Ashley looks very uncomfortable in the middle of this sparring match and joins Maxine in the dining room.
Gail pops round to see Sally, complete with a bottle of wine, commenting, "thanks to the lovely Leanne, I need a drink just as much as you do." Sally proposes an early New Year toast, "here's to next year being much better than this year." When Gail asks why Sally isn't having the drink with her bloke, Danny, Sally is genuinely surprised and replies that he is not her bloke, she doesn't want to get involved with anyone else. Gail tells her that this shouldn't stop her enjoying herself. "I think I've forgotten what enjoying yourself is" says Sally wistfully (you're not kidding!!). "Exactly" concludes Gail. Sally is full of excuses - drone, drone - there's Rosie playing up, she hasn't any time, in any case, she might have blown it, anyway. (Sheesh, why not finish it now Sally? We're all gonna die one day." Gail keeps plugging away and tells Sally to go for it.
While they are talking, we see Rosie, in her dressing gown, going down the stairs. Quietly, she opens the front door and sneaks out, pulling the door behind her
Back at Ashley's, the meal is in full flow, with congratulations to Maxine from her father. Beryl comments that Ashley will have to watch himself, as good cooking and contentment are a dangerous combination. "Hey", replies Fred, "being well upholstered is not necessarily a bad thing, especially for a Master Butcher. The conversation continues to flow, as Doreen tells them that they are not going to economise on the wedding and how much they have been looking forward to it.
Hayley comments to Roy about the sound of distant wedding drums regarding Alison and Kevin. She congratulates Alison on her aura, telling her she has a glow about her, but this meets with a sarcastic comment from Linda. Roy tackles Linda about her nastiness, "tell me Linda, does it come natural, or do you have to work at it?", but this meets with a vicious response from Linda, "Who are you to talk to me about natural when you marry a fella!" She points at Hayley and storms out. Youch!!! Hayley is not happy at Roy's intervention but he replies that she has to stand up to bullies. Hayley points out that Linda might well go back to Mike and tells him that she knows about Linda and Mike. The look on Roy's face says "I never thought of that."
Coming out of Kevin's flat, Linda finds Rosie sitting on the doorstep out in the street. She brings Rosie upstairs and leaves her with Kevin. When asked, Rosie explains she couldn't sleep and wanted to come to the party.
At the pre-wedding suss-out dinner, Doreen asks Fred if he has been married. "Indeed I have", he replies, "it's a great institution is marriage.. but who wants to live in an institution?" The men cackle, but Doreen doesn't find this amusing and her expression quickly silences Derek. She comments at how wonderful it is that Maxine and Ashley are getting married, "I wouldn't want any of my grandchildren growing up with the tag of you-know-what." Beryl replies defensively that she doesn't think it matters so much these days. Maxine jokes about the discussion turning to grandchildren before they are even wed. when Beryl asks when they were thinking of getting wed, Ashley tells her, the sooner the better, as far as he is concerned. Doreen sticks her oar in about things having to be planned properly, which prompts Fred to comment that this is worse than the United Nations. "It's got to be done right" replies Doreen to Fred, "you wouldn't know anything about that having had no children your children." Maxine very quickly tries to cover up for Doreen's faux-pas and tells them that Fred has been very good, looking after Ashley. "Maybe so, but it's not the same as when it's your own" concludes Doreen. "That's precisely why I DO know, Doreen, my dear" replies Fred. Realising that Fred is about to confess his true status, Ashley tries to stop him, but his father is having none of it. He points out that, as they are going to be family, they've a right to know. Amid protestations from Beryl, Fred confesses, "Ashley here, fine lad that he is, is the fruit of my loins." There is a stunned silence as the Heaveys try to take in the revelation. Fred confirms "that's right, he's my son." "But you're his sister" queries a puzzled Derek, looking at Beryl. Suddenly the implications of the family relationships hit Doreen, "but isn't it against the law?" It falls to Ashley to explain that Beryl is not his natural mother and that she brought him up. Great relief all round as this potential bombshell is defused. "Anyone for another drink" asks Fred, totally oblivious to the reaction to his revelations. "Brandies all round might be in order" replies Beryl.
Linda has returned to Mike. She tells him that she was bored with the company of her friends, she has been spoilt by him. She wants to take him away from ironing his shirts and suggests a meal or a film. Mike is preoccupied and tells her, some other time, he has promised himself an early night. She is put out by his rejection and, as a parting shot, asks whether he has heard anything from Alma. He gets short with her and says that he has already told her, no.
The dinner has ended and Maxine's parents are outside, on their way home. Maxine gets them to promise to keep Fred's admission a secret. Inside, Fred is totally oblivious to his faux pas, maintaining that all he wanted to do was to welcome them into the family.
Sally has turned up at Kevin's party, having been phoned by him. She is furious at Rosie's behaviour and at how she has successfully played one parent off against the other. Kevin tells her that it would be best is Rosie stayed but Sally sees that as Rosie winning - Kevin points out that there is no real alternative, they cannot very well try and get her to go home, with an audience to play up to. Sally explodes at Rosie and tells her that she must never, ever put her through this again.......
.... And with that... .... it is the cue for music and credits
Episode written by David Lane
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me?
Pretty good.
Nice contrast between Alma wanting to be civil in her discussions with Mike, whereas he cannot resist making snide digs. Great acting from Jacqueline Pirie, as Linda, jealous beyond belief of Alison and Kevin's relationship, frustrated at not being able to come out into the open in hers with Mike and afraid that there will be a reconciliation between Mike and Alma.
Leanne in a vindictive mood is a great sight to see, as she decides to cash in on Nick's success. A pity that Vikram just doesn't come up to scratch alongside her.
Sally, having a frustrating time with Rosie, is a commonplace scenario, as youngsters seem to have an uncanny knack at winding up parents, given half a chance. Sally steps into the role well, playing the frustrated mother.
Maxine's parents are great fun - wonderful dialogue and great characterisations. I particularly enjoy watching Derek under Doreen's thumb. Fred - well what can you say? His usual bombastic self, irritating beyond belief and so funny with it.
Tyrone, as ever, is a real joy to watch with his great enthusiasm - what a fine young actor and, apparently, great fun behind the scenes, too.
Yep, a pretty enjoyable episode.
Anyway that's it for now.. well, I can't stand here gabbin', I've got pies to shift. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Hiya :)
Well, folks, it is indeed another Monday Evening and, if you were paying attention last week you will remember that I pleaded with overseas visitors residing in sunnier climes to send me some of their hot weather. The phrase "Be careful what you wish for" springs to mind! Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad that Eileen in Canada and the lovely Ladyscotia were kind enough to cyber-send me their sunshine, but I guess I didn't bank on there being quite so much in such a small envelope! :) To make a change from previous weeks, I am sitting typing this to you from what feels like a Greenhouse! So excuse any typing or grammatical errors which may stem from the fact that my brain is being slowly baked like a potato. Welcome to Summer. :)
The show opens with the increasingly convoluted Mike & Linda saga unfolding yet further over morning coffee. He asks her if she was joking about Alma's "affair" with Ravi and is visibly irked when she confirms that it is in fact the truth (or at least, "truth" as in the 'Sykes-&- Gossip English Dictionary' definition ;)). Linda believes that Mike should know about Alma "making a fresh start" and also should start telling people about his own relationship. After all, Alma seems to have made the first move in going public with her post-wedlock hanky panky (at least this is how Linda sees it, even tho *we* all know of course that Ravi and Alma are simply friends!)... He wheels out the same old excuse he's been using for weeks and tells her that he doesn't want her getting involved with his divorce, "for her own good", adding in a patronising tone "you might get hurt!" and "It's the best for everyone". She quizzes "If Alma doesn't mind then why should you?", a question which leaves him pondering his cup of coffee in silence...
...As we cut to the Cafe where Tyrone (YAY! Have I said recently how great this lad is??) enters, stuffed laundry bag in hand, to have himself a nice full breakfast. Gail wonders aloud if he's been to the Launderette, at which point he's only too happy to wax lyrically about how all his worldly goods are in this sack and how he's finally found a place to live, as a "paying guest" at Jack and Vera's B&B. She jokes with him about how posh that sounds and asks if this means he won't be coming into the Cafe anymore for his breakfasts. Tyrone is surprised ("Wot? You mean they'll feed me?") and gets increasingly enthusiastic about his new accomodation when Gail suggests that he might even get a full cooked breakfast as part of his board. Bless his little cotton socks. :) At this point, Martin walks in and takes Gail over to the counter, where they share a short sharp discussion about (you guessed it) the situation of Nicky No-Brains and Leanne's D.I.V.O.R.C.E... Gail is still willing to pay off the £5000 to Leanne herself but Martin thinks this will just make Nick think that he can go on making huge mistakes knowing that his mother will bail him out every time. He suggests that Gail rings Nick to keep him updated as to what's going on, adding scarily "you might want to find out why he wants a divorce so quickly, he might want to get married again"! Gail's face looks about as horrified as mine was upon hearing this shocking (and hopefully not prophetic) statement. :)
Over at the Bookies' Flat, Rursie is stretching her rubbery black wings and polishing her horns (ok ok, actually she's just putting on her school clothes) as The Angel Alison gets ready to escort her out of the door. Rursie, who is starting to *genuinely* scare me with that icy cold, unhinged, lopsided stare, is being awkward, complaining of a stomach ache and then asking mock-innocently if Alison has prepared her a packed lunch. "Oh, I thought you had school dinners" she says, but Rursie assures her that she's switched to packed lunches and wants chocolate biscuits... As Alison hastily prepares some jam butties for the Devilspawn, Kev tells her that they'll go out tonight for a bar meal, just the two of them, to get a break from the flat's kitchen and the gurrrls. "Can I stay for tea tonight?" asks Rursie, determined to put the kibosh on anyone's chance at even so much as fleeting happiness, but Kev tells her that she DEFINATELY has to go back to Sally's after school... Somehow I'm not convinced...
Maxine and Ashley sit at the breakfast table as she skims through some foul magazine about over-indulgent wedding ceremonies and wallet-burning gowns whilst he hurriedly consumes his cornflakes and tries to head off for work... "OOOH, that's YOU that is!" booms Maxine, in the style of Newman & Baddiel's 'History Today', "The resplendant groom in top hat and tails!" - Ash is, needless to say, a bit uncomfortable at the idea of wearing such a garment and claims "I'd look a right lummock in a top hat!" (who doesn't?) as Maxine waffles on at turbo-speed about booking an organist and someone to take a professional video of the ceremony! Gosh, someone's racing ahead of themselves since they don't even have the Big Date set yet and, as Ashley brings her back down to Earth with a reminder of this fact, she resigns herself to the fact that they most probably won't be wed until the Springtime.
Over at the Underworld of Delight, Mike interrogates Deirdre about her knowledge of Ravi and gets just the response he *didn't* want to hear. "He's very charming", gushes the D, "A real ladies' man", at which point Mike butts in and asks her straight out how long he's been dating his wife. Deirdre is shocked to hear that Ravi and Alma are an "item" (although she confesses to have seen them sitting together in the Rovers) but soon comes round to the idea and murmurs "Well, I suppose.. I mean he is very charming", much to Mike's envious dismay.
Meanwhile, in the Salon, Maxine's wee squeaky friend Melanie boings through the door and wants a chat. It seems she's encountered problems as the hairdresser she had booked to do her hair (and the hair of all the bridesmaids) at her forthcoming wedding has had to pull out at the last minute due to family commitments. Could Maxine fill in at the last minute? The answer is obvious as the perky stylist is only too happy to show off her *fine* work (can anyone else get away with charging a tenner simply to fiddle with fringes for a few minutes?) to her friend. They book an appointment for later that day, so the pair can discuss exactly what kind of styles are going to be required. "I'll bring some photos, I know exactly what I want!" squeals wee Melanie, before waving frantically and bouncing away into the Street.
Back at Underworld, the Factory Bees are deep in conversation about how Alison is getting on, now she's living with The Manic Mechanic. She seems happy enough, although wishes her and Kevin could have had more time to themselves over the weekend (minus the Princess Of Darkness, I think is what she means). Linda comments caustically that *she* wouldn't put up with it but Alison insists that the gurrrls aren't "too much trouble" and they do seem to like her. "That's because of your magnetic personality", mutters Linda sarcastically, as Deirdre arrives and politely asks them all to get on with their work since the current order must be shipped out by the end of the week, or else heads are gonna roll. Linda pulls her now-typical lippy act and starts being impertinent towards the D, telling her "We work for Baldwin not you.. You do your job and we'll do ours" amongst other things. Deirdre exclaims that there is no need for that kind of tone, but Linda pays no attention and gets threatened with being reported to Mike in return for this ignorance. "Fine!" she hisses, as D stalks off in a huff.
In The Rovers, Tyrone arrives, wanting to see Jack and ask if he can move his things into the B&B that evening. The Duke Of Duckworth says that this is quite alright so Tyrone, grinning like a loon, asks Leanne if she wants to come to a housewarming party. When she finds out it's *his*, she tells him (in patented Vikram Desai 'horrid sneer' mode) she'll "think about it", to which he chirps "Don't forget to bring your sister!" - To be honest, although it all seemed like a nightmare to begin with, now it's been brought up again (albeit in passing), I would love to see Tyrone and Toyah together. What a great couple they'd make, doncha think?? Anyway, I'm digressing because in the time it's taken me to type that, he's left the pub and the camera has moved onto Deirdre talking to Mike at the bar about Linda's behaviour. She basically issues him an ultimatum, stating that she can no longer work in such an atmosphere and if Linda doesn't stop being so horrid, it'll be a case of "either I go or she goes". Ouch! You tell him, D! :) At this point, Sally walks into the pub and orders a tonic water at the bar, before striking up a conversation with a nearby Kevin about Rursie and whether she got to school alright. "Yeah, eventually" begins Kev as he recounts the tale of the packed lunches. Sally is despairing since she knows only too well that Rursie *does* indeed have school dinners ("she has to get one proper meal a day" she states bluntly, as that old joke is recycled once again) and was just being awkward for the sake of it, seeing how much she could take advantage of Kev and Alison. COW MODE is well and truly engaged as she rants on about how Alison has no idea about bringing up kids, snorting "They're not just toys you can play with and then put away in the cupboard when you're fed up with them" and, as Kevin defends his girlfriend, she barks "Well, since you're such experts, prove it" before 'offering' Rosie to them for the week. Kev agrees instantly (pride got in the way of reason I suppose) but within seconds starts to look worried as he realises what Alison is bound to say...
...At this point, Kev's totally absurd goatee beard jumps clean off of his face, latches onto a terrified Sally like a facehugger out of the "Aliens" movie and suffocates her within seconds. Um, hang on... Ahh, sorry, on second viewing that wasn't *quite* what happened, actually we just cut to the commercial break. I guess that scene was censored from the final version. ;)
Oh, an extended trailer for the new "Star Wars" movie - Quelle surprise! Not heard any hype at all for that film for, ooh, all of 15 minutes. Aside from this, nothing to report. Mercifully, we were spared the Lloyds/TSB advert this week! :)
An unintentionally amusing scene ensues in the Cafe as Martin comes back to find out if Gail has telephoned Nick yet. She has indeed and he is allegedly quite happy to let Gail pay Leanne the £5000 in order to simplify and hurry up the divorce proceedings. Martin wonders where all Nick's inheritance money has gone and is as gobsmacked as I to discover that Whoopsie Boy has spent it on a motorcycle!!! Perhaps it's just me but Nick?! On a motorcycle?! LOL! The mind well and truly bogggles. "Good", intones Martin, solemnly, "He'll have something to sell, then, won't he?"
ALERT! ALERT! GIRLIE TALK!!! Yes, Maxine and Wee Squeaky Melanie are sitting in the Salon, cooing and oohing over all sorts of wedding paraphenalia for the latter's fast-arriving big day. The fabric for the dress, the description of the bridesmaids' outfits and even a picture of the little 'maids taken in Heaton Park (which, incidentally is a very lovely little park in Manchester, if you ever get a chance to visit.. very romantic too! :))... Squeelie's mass enthusiasm falters a little when it comes to showing a photo of Philip, her fiance, and it soon becomes (highly predictable, eh?) apparent that all is perhaps not as perfect as she's kidding herself it is. She reverts back to bubbly mode for a second, harping on about flowers, the possibility of hair extensions etc etc but soon the subject returns to Philip. "He reckons it's all a waste of money" she sighs, "He'd rather spend the money on a car"... At this point, we *KNOW* that disaster looms because the camera starts to v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y zoom in on Melanie's face as she grimly laments "Cars... it's all he's interested in... He's leaving all the wedding arrangements to me and me mam". Then all of a sudden, the sinister camera zoom stops and the conversation takes a spritely turn for the better as she asks Maxine about Ashley. "Did you say he was a butcher? I have this picture of him, 6'2", dark hair and all rugged" - LOL!
"LINDA!" comes the bark from inside the Glass Office, as Mike beckons the Uberminx into his Underworld Domain. He tries to seriously tell her off about what she's doing with Deirdre, warning her to knock it off pronto since the last thing he needs whilst trying to run a business is staff conflict. "I love it when you get all masterly" she tells him, teasingly, refusing to take any of this in but he is trying hard to make her see that he *means* it when he asks her to tone down her behaviour. "What goes on outside of work, I want kept seperate" he warns, sternly, but whether the Uberminx has paid any attention at all is debatable... On the factory floor, meanwhile, Deirdre is talking to Hayley and Alison about it, apologising that it's had to come to Linda getting a reprimand but adding that she has stepped way over the line this time. The girls nod and as Alison conviniently wanders off somewhere, Hayley tries to warn the D not to "get on the wrong side" of Linda, but without actually specifying *why* of course...
Kevin and the Tremendously-Talented Tyrone shut up shop for the day and as they wander away from the Garage, the Manic Mechanic wishes his apprentice the best of luck. "Well, has no one warned you about Vera's cooking?" asks Kev, mischeivously, "She put a real toad in her toad in the hole... And her Jack's not been the same since she gave him Coq Au Vin!" (LOL!) - Luckily, Tyrone is too smart to fall for this and, as they laugh at this little joke, he giggles his way into the background, just at the same time that Alison arrives to chat to Kevin. She is all geared up for their bar meal later that night and, justifiably, when Kev tells her that in fact they are looking after Rosie (not just tonight, but ALL WEEK!), she snaps "Thanks for telling me first!" and storms off down the Street.
Mike and Alma bump into one another at the Rovers Bar. He buys her a drink and then asks, very "charmingly" (ahem), if she's still up for that meal so they can discuss some things. The idea is met with positivity and the date is set for tomorrow evening - "I'll take you somewhere nice, I know just the place... Somewhere special" he smarms, perhaps putting the wrong idea into her head, and with that he finishes his Scotch and leaves... The camera cuts to Maxine and Ashley who are cooing in a booth about the wedding. He tells her that, since they're now certain that the ceremony won't be for at least another 9 months, they should scrap the idea of waiting til they're wed prior to moving in together and just take the plunge now. For financial reasons of course. He explains that if they *both* pay rent to their respective landlords for the next 9 months, then the money they'll lose could've probably gone towards a swanky honeymoon. "I'll leave you to think about it" is his parting shot...
...As we cut to something *FAR* more watchable - Tyrone getting settled in at the Duckies' B&B. Vera explains that she expects him to keep his bed tidy, adding that she'll give him clean sheets every two weeks. "REALLY!?" he gasps in amazement, "Just like a proper hotel?" - LOL! The Duchess Of Duckworth then lays down the ground rules (as Jack stands by and nods in overzealous approval) which include not wearing workclothes in the lounge, cleaning one's own "scum" from around the bath (!) and leaving the toilet seat upright! With this, the young Mr Dobbs is initiated as a proper guest at the B&B. "Tea's ready in 20 minutes, you might want to have a wash first" Vee tells him and, as she leaves, Jack winks at him, knowingly. Tyrone looks like he's about to burst with excitement and so do I, in the realisation that these two are probably *THE* best double act we've seen on Corrie in YEARS and it's so great to see them together again. More please!
Meanwhile, at The Cadfael Monestary (actually, I really shouldn't refer to Sally as Cadfael anymore since she has gotten rid of that particular hair disaster and, recently, it's actually been looking (yes, it pains me to say this) quite nice really), Sally is faffing about as the doorbell rings. It's Denimhead Danny, in "No nonsense" mode and he's got some pointless and boring announcement to make about not being able to make it to work tomorrow morning. After he's waffled about it for about a minute, he starts to leave but Sally stops him and apologises for being so short with him the other week when she told him she wasn't after a relationship. She didn't mean to sound so harsh and adds that it's not quite so simple but she's not very good at expressing herself (you can say that again). "So I'm not totally blown out of the water?" he asks and when she tells him "Of course not", he grins from ear to ear. A clear sign that this man needs serious help!
It's not worth typing up all the dialogue for this next scene since I tried to visualise the words in my mind and it just couldn't POSSIBLY come across as well as it did onscreen. If you missed it, I'm sorry and if you're reading this overseas, please make sure you pay attention when this episode is on. :) Tyrone comes down for dinner and is talking in a quasi-posh accent to impress Vera. "Good evening", he proclaims, "This is very pleasant" and when Vee tells him that it's bangers and mash in onion gravy for tea, he observes "A-ha, my *particular* favourite!" as the three of them sit down at a table and admire the food for a moment. Jack chirps "Right then, off you go!"... Tyrone mistakes this as a signal to say Grace and mumbles awkwardly "Err, for er, what we are about to recieve, may the Lord make us truly grateful.. er, Amen!" to the Duckworths' confusion (ROFL!! So pricelessly delivered!)... This brief and bizarre interlude dispensed with, they all start tucking into the food and Tyrone delivers the best line of the night: "May I please pass anyone the condiments?" - I'm *still* laughing!!! Anyhow, the scene ends with a short conversation in which Tyrone reveals that his mother Jackie has no idea about his new living arrangements and he'd rather she didn't, a deal that Jack and Vera are only too happy to stick to.
Kevin and Alison open *drumroll* a bottle of Coronation Street's reknowned aphrodisiac, THE RED WINE, over at the Flat, as she apologises for snapping at him earlier. He says he understands, adding that he really SHOULD have told her about Rosie staying and, within about a minute, they both seem comfortable with the situation... Kev briefly pops into the Devilspawn's room to check she's asleep and then comes back into the lounge ready to settle down. "I've been waiting for this all day" whispers Alison as they kiss each other and then, lo and behold, who should appear right behind them? It's Rosie! "I can't sleep" she growls, eight octaves too low, and the romantic moment is broken. The Brood wants the Angel Alison to read her a story but Alison, being far more pleasant than she should be, explains that she's too tired right now but if Rursie is a good girl (!) she'll read her one tomorrow morning. With this knowledge and the fact that the mood has been sucessfully wrecked, Rosie returns to her bed to plot the demise of the Western World, as predicted by Nostradamus. "My cities will be your tombs" you can hear her whisper if you turn the volume up really loud, as Kevin escorts her back into the bedroom... Oh, actually it seems she *really* said "I want to be with Kevin and Alison forever and ever", a proposition that the latter doesn't seem happy with... "I hope you told her she's got another thing coming", she grumbles to Kevin a few seconds later, "Because I've just about had enough"... Ut oh. Cue credits!!
This episode was written by Phil Woods and dominated by Bill Tarmey and Alan Halsall as Jack and Tyrone respectively. The rest of it just paled in comparison to these two gems working in tune with each other like a finely honed laughter machine. The Mike & Linda story is a bit confusing at the moment, since I have no idea what either of them are playing at (and I'm not *THAT* interested), the Websters' storyline is a bit average and I'm still unsatisfied with Maxine and Ashley's wedding plans, but that said, NONE of tonight's was actually unwatchable or annoying which, considering some of the things we've suffered in the last year (Adam Rickitt, Vombag Desai, Greg & Sally, etc etc), can only be a good thing.
Next week, let's just make it the Jack & Tyrone Show! :))
Well, maybe not, but you get the idea. Anyway, that's it for tonight. 'Til Next Time! :)
The Rattler
The episode begins at breakfast time in the flat over the bookies. Alison is buttering some bread, and Kevin asks why. She tells him that Rosie asked her to make some tuna and peanut butter sandwiches for a packed lunch. Kevin tells her that they ve been through all of this Alison knows that she has a school dinner. He is just about to remind her what Sally said, but she mocks him with "Sal said". Kevin repeats that Rosie has a school dinner, and Alison snaps back that she will eat them then. Kevin asks her what is going on, as both he and Sally have agreed for Rosie to continue with school dinners. Alison comes clean and admits that she knew, but that she is angry at Kevin for not having the guts to tell Rosie himself that she can t have sandwiches. She calls him a coward. Kevin says he hasn t had chance yet, but Alison reminds him that they all had breakfast together. He calls to Rosie to tell her, but Alison stops him, telling him that he is angry and will end up shouting at her. Alison apologises, and admits she likes Rosie, but says that she isn t her mother. She tells him that it's him that she wants.
Mike and Linda are getting ready for work. He snaps at her for dropping toast crumbs on the carpet, as he looks for his keys. She asks for a lift in, and he tells her he will drop her off at Gas Street. She looks forward to going out together that evening to a country pub, but Mike tells her he can t make it. He says he wasn t going to tell her, but he is going out for a meal with Alma. Linda looks stunned, but recovers quickly and says she doesn t mind, and that it would be unrealistic to expect them to have no contact whatsoever. Mike is pleased at her reaction, saying he is taking Alma to Delphin s. He tells her that she is a "good kid". She says she knows. Mike turns away and spots his keys, as Linda's face drops to a scowl.
At the factory, Linda arrives late. Deirdre wanders over and Linda looks at her watch, commenting with mock horror that it is almost six minutes past nine. Linda has a go at Dierdre, offering to work six minutes into her lunchbreak so that "no-one" will have to tell Mr Baldwin. She apologises for spoiling Dierdre's fun. Dierdre walks off and tells Hayley that she cannot believe Linda's attitude. Hayley advises jokingly that Dierdre needs to take some "don t care" pills whenever Linda is around. Dierdre complains that boxing gloves might be more in order. Hayley reminds her to be careful around Linda, and when pressed as to why, will only say "call it a feeling". Hayley totters off past Linda, who has been watching. "Nice chat?!" she spits, and warns Hayley that she will find out if she said anything to Dierdre. Linda returns to her conversation with Alison, who is moaning about Sally and the kids. Linda spots Mike approaching them and, increasing her volume, preaches "This is what happens when couples split up there's always some mess and it's not always the couple that it lands on!" He growls at her as he thinks she is talking about him, but she says that it is the Webster's they are talking about and in any case the conversation wouldn t apply to him as his split is amicable. He walks off and Linda grins to herself.
In the Rovers, Jack is bored waiting for customers and picks up a peanut from the bar and pops it in his mouth. Vera, at the optics, spots him and rushes over, accusing him of not listening to the doctor's advice. He says that one peanut is not going to kill him, and swallows it. Vera checks for a full packet in his trousers (you know what I mean &), but he admits to picking it up off the bar. She is horrified and tells him it could have been there all night to which he replies if that was the case, she couldn t have cleaned the bar very well. She lectures him about looking after himself, but he shouts back that it is his body. She cuddles him and coos that it's her body too, as Jack grimaces and rolls his eyes to the ceiling. He asks if she is trying to put him off food for life. Vera snaps at him to be home on time, but Jack wonders what the point is, if he can t eat anything. She tells him to just be there, even if it is just so that she can watch over him, as she cooks Tyrone a steak for supper. Meanwhile, Leanne takes over at the bar, just as Gail enters. She asks Leanne if she can talk for a minute, but she tells her that she is busy serving. Gail advises her to stop, for her own sake. Leanne checks with Natalie, then takes Gail through to the back room. Over by the jukebox, Maxine and Melanie are toying with the name changes that they will have with getting married. Melanie is toying with keeping her name of Tindall without changing it to Hodson. Maxine tells her that she doesn t think that there is much difference between them then realises that she will be Maxine Peacock, bemoaning the fact that it sounds worse every time she says it.
In the back room, Gail unfolds a cheque and hands it to Leanne, telling her that it's for her, but that that is now the end of the matter. Leanne smiles smugly as she takes it, but the smile vanishes when she sees it is for £2,000. Leanne reminds her that she asked for £5,000, but Gail is adamant that that is all that is on offer, even though Leanne tries for £4,000, and then £3,000. Leanne tells Gail that she hasn t signed the cheque, and Gail says that's the way it will stay until she signs the divorce papers. Leanne says that the marriage failing is Nick's fault, and she is entitled to money, but Gail prefers to see it as Nick coming to his senses. She advises Leanne against forging her signature, as there is no money in the account. Leanne asks as to the point of writing the cheque. Gail tells her it will help to concentrate the mind and that until the papers are signed, she can whistle for the money. Leanne accuses her of being hardfaced. Gail says that coming from her, she will take that as a compliment. Gail leaves, and Leanne grins excitedly, staring at the cheque. Cue break music....
Part two begins with Leanne gleefully rushing into the bar, waving her £2,000 at Natalie, who isn t very impressed. Leanne says she doesn t care about the amount it's the fact that it proves that Nick was in the wrong. Vikram arrives at the bar and she rushes over, telling him that they are going out celebrating but he will have to lend her the money. Meanwhile, Melanie is still harping on to Maxine about weddings, saying that she isn t used to being at the centre of all the attention. Maxine tries to reassure her, but Melanie confesses that she no longer loves her fiancé. She complains that he never talks to her and only has time for cars and football. Maxine queries as to why she is still going ahead with the wedding. Melanie says that she can t stop it now her parents have been planning it for eighteen months, the invitations have gone out, and her aunt Sue has bought them a nest of tables(!) Maxine tells her that she can t wreck her life for a nest of tables, but Melanie tells her that it will only be three years before she can apply for divorce.
Alma is getting ready to go out, nervously asking Audrey how she looks, who tells her that she ll knock them dead. As an afterthought, Alma adds that she doesn t care anyway, as it's only Mike and he knows how she looks anyway. "Yes dressed and undressed!" adds Audrey, grinning, as Alma shows Mike in. He exchanges cool "Hello s" with Audrey, who tries to drag a compliment from him for Alma. Mike snaps that neither of them are there for compliments, and Audrey looks at him witheringly over her glasses and asks him what he is there for. Mike suggests they skip drinks and leave, and Alma agrees. Changing the subject, Audrey asks where they are off to. When Mike tells her it's Delphine's, Audrey splutters her mock surprise. "Ah! - twice in one week! Aren t you the lucky one!" Alma is madly signalling to her to shut up, unsuccessfully. Mike clicks about Ravi taking her there, and Alma says it doesn t matter because she would love to go there again. "I bet you would it's the best place in Weatherfield!" retorts her husband. Alma says she knows it is, but that isn t the reason. They leave, but not before Mike comments that he's glad Audrey isn t coming. Indignantly, Audrey tells him it isn t her fault where Alma gets taken. Mike walks out and Alma simulates strangling her, before she follows. Audrey returns to her magazine, grinning mischievously to herself.
Back at the Rovers, Martin is standing drinking at the bar. Vikram enters and asks Natalie if he can go through to the back to see Leanne. She refuses, telling him that she will be out in a minute anyway, judging from the smell of an apple orchard(?) wafting through. Vik comments about women smelling weird, to which Natalie replies that he should see how much perfume costs. Gail enters and wanders over to Martin. She asks why he didn t come home; he replies that he didn t feel like it because he felt sick. Gail tells him that she has given Leanne a cheque, but only for £2,000, not £5,000. She says his supper is ruined, but he tells her he is happy with just beer. When he doesn t snap out of it, she reiterates the amount, telling him that there is a big difference. Martin excuses himself for not turning cartwheels, as Gail relishes the prospect of Nick finally being free of Leanne. Martin fumes that Nick is free of her anyway as he is on the other side of the planet it is Gail and him who are having to pay for it. Leanne then appears from the backroom. She leaves for the casino with Vik, but not before they have a couple of digs at the Platt s.
At Delphine's, Mike asks what they are doing here, as it was Alma's idea. Alma thinks it was a good idea Mike comments that maybe so, but it isn t an original idea. Alma says that was just coincidence it was Ravi's decision where to take her, just as it was Mike s. She says he wouldn t have known about it if Audrey hadn t told him. Mike tells her he feels like a mug. He passes a comment that the waiters will be wondering who she will be coming in with next they ll think her business is on the up!(Ouch!) Alma jumps up to leave, but he quickly apologises and she sits down again. She calmly tells him "I wanted us to talk to have a nice quiet meal and just talk". He agrees, but from the look on Alma's face it is obvious she feels she is wasting her time.
In the casino, Vik is playing blackjack as Leanne watches. He recognises one of the croupiers and strikes up a conversation about football. He loses concentration on the game and begins losing, much to Leanne's alarm. He blames her for distracting him.
Into the Rovers again, and Linda is asking Nita if there are any jobs going at Freshco's she wants to cover her back if she has to leave Baldwin s. Nita tells her she will keep a look out. They begin talking to Maxine and Ashley at the bar, and Linda thinks Maxine is talking about herself when she mentions someone has cancelled a wedding. When she has been corrected, and Ashley tells her about all of the plans that will have to be cancelled, Linda says that she finds it incredible that anyone ever goes through with it: that all marriages go wrong sooner or later. Nita calls her a cynic, and that Maxine's friend may come round - but Maxine tells them that her friend is in a terrible state about it. Linda says she would be in a worse state in a few years, with kids running round her feet and a slob on the sofa. Maxine turns to Ashley and tells him that at least it means there is a free slot in September. She kisses him on the cheek as he does a typical Ashley grin.
Back in Weatherfield's poshest restaurant, Alma tells Mike that she needs to rebuild her life she doesn t mean that they should get back together. She says she thought they were happy when together, even if he feels differently, and that she feels as if there has been a death and she is still in shock. She casually mentioned that she had spoken to Ravi about it, but at the mention of his name Mike picks up on it and rolls his eyes, clearly unimpressed. He listens to Alma gushing about how Ravi listened to her and suggested her and Mike meet up. Mike waits for her to finish then has a go at Alma for talking about nothing else but Ravi. Alma is shocked and says that she has hardly mentioned him but Mike tells her it started as soon as he arrived at Audrey s. Alma protests it wasn t her who said anything then. "No, it was the mouth of the Irwell!" He tells her he isn t interested in listening to her talk about a backstreet shopkeeper. Alma snaps back that at least Ravi listened to her which is more than Mike did in the whole of their marriage. She continues that it's her business who she sees and where she goes. Mike stands up to leave, and Alma calls him childish. He agrees. She tells him she will go as well, but he tells her not to worry he ll pay on the way out. "After all, that is what this is all about paying!" Before he storms off, he asks if Ravi told her to order the lobster. Alma looks around the restaurant, bewildered and embarrassed.
Back with Leanne and Vikram, things aren t going well at all. He suggests they hold a couple of chips back for taxi fares. She agrees, then he impulsively throws one into game of blackjack and loses. He complains that he is normally very good, then enquires about Leanne's cheque. She tells him it isn t signed, and that anyway it isn t even cash. He begins "I just know somebody who-" but Leanne drags him off, telling him that they have a long walk ahead of them. He thanks her for not saying "I told you so".
Mike arrives back home and is about to open the door when Linda appears from the bushes. She says that she is pathetic because she thought he may bring Alma back with him. He tells her that he is the pathetic one, as he has been out with a woman who wanted to rub his face in it for the best part of £80. He asks whether she is coming up to the flat she agrees.
In the boarding house, Jack is watching Tyrone tuck into a large burger. "Did she not give you enough at tea, son?" Jack asks. Tyrone replies she did, but that he always gets peckish around bedtime. Jack then says that it isn t space travel that holds the most mysteries it's the human body. When Tyrone queries this, Jack tells him that no-one knows anything- years ago, people said that beer, cigarettes and red meat were good for you. He says that if you listen to half the things people said, you d be in bed by half past seven. "And they call it progress". Tyrone tactfully tells him that everyone dies, "and anyway, I like burgers". He asks Jack about tomorrow at the hospital if it's serious, because of all the bad things he has eaten over the years. Jack tells him it's serious enough, but can t understand why it's happening to a clean living man like him. Tyrone reminds him that he did smoke, drink and eat greasy foods. Jack reflects that yes, he did used to have a balanced diet. Tyrone comments on his lack of exercise too. Jack has had enough. "Whose flamin side are you on?!" Vera enters the room, and accuses Jack of trying to pinch some of Tyrone's supper. He denies this, and bemoans the fact that, although he hasn t looked after himself very well, there are worse about that him. "Aye, and some of them are dead," chips in Vera. He tells Vera he's worried, and she hugs him and tells him they ll be alright together. Jack isn t convinced: "Me, you and a bowl of lettuce". Tyrone looks at his burger and puts it down.
In Mike's flat, he is regretting his argument with Alma. Linda tells him that she was arguing about marriage in the Rovers, and implies that she was in favour of it. Mike tells her that marriages are a waste of time, but Linda keeps on, saying a dead marriage is a waste of time, but that marriage can be beautiful if the right two people get together. "Do you reckon?", asks Mike. "I know," she says, almost convincingly. Mike goes to refill their drinks and Linda's scheming smile fades into the credits.
Written by Stephen Mallatratt
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Quite a bit happening at this end.
The weekend freephone internet access in the UK is proving very enjoyable and useful, if, like me you spend a lot of time on the net. I could get a taste for this :).
Today, I installed Windows 98 Second Edition, which has a tremendous facility, Internet Connection Sharing, enabling an Internet connection to be shared across a network, thus just one lot of phone charges. Easy to install and easy to use. Brilliant idea, well executed.
As regards Pings, the last two Saturdays have seen pings in Toronto and Ottawa, respectively, for Eoin and it certainly sounds like a great time was had by all. It was a real pleasure talking to you folks long distance on both Saturday nights!!! Pity I couldn't get through to the pingers in Vancouver.
Continuing on the ping front, as mentioned a while back, a number of people were talking about coming over to the UK next year and my mate and Chief Possum in Oz, the "luvvly Jubbly" suggested synchronising things. Hence was born the idea of the Corrie get-together for the new millennium, the CRAP-Ping 2000 (Canucks, Renegades, Aardvarks and Possums). The timing of this is set for late September 2000 with main events in Manchester, including a 60s/70s disco. I'll be helping co-ordinate the UK end of things for what promises to be a tremendous International Corrie Event. Jubbly has now set up a moderated mailing list for those interested - it's early days yet, but this will become much busier as we move closer to the event. In the meantime, to join the chat, point your thingoe ((tm) ) at the following URL: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/CRAPPING2000 - definitely a must!
Talking of thingoes ((tm)) Australian, Jubbly has started another list, this one primarily for Aussies and Kiwis - to find out more, have a look at the following URL: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/CorrieCobbers - enjoy. On that front, I am currently running a small Corrie tape train for Oz, please e-mail me if you want to join it.
Finally, updates - I've been sitting in this chair since March last year, doing the Friday updates. To say this activity has had a major effect on my life would be a great understatement - it has lead to a whole new group of friends, especially my lovely pals on #coro_street - Jacqueline introduced me to the channel, so she has special mention, but I couldn't let the opportunity pass in mentioning those who have been such good, supportive friends to me, namely, the lovely Jubbly (Jacky), Sasparilla (Anita), Nanxy (Nancy), Amom (Lorraine), Baz (Gill) and Greggy, TVOR (Diane), Chris and Annie, Digger (john) and Alleyy (Alison) amongst many, many others. The updates have been a great forum for meeting many lovely Corrie fans world-wide and I treasure the friendships which have emerged.
As with anything that lasts a while, it's tricky keeping the momentum going and I've been conscious of losing that spark over the last few months - the gradual shortening of my updates reflects this process. So, I've decided to bow out of the full-time Friday slot, although I'm happy to fill in any blanks and do abridged updates where there is no-one else around.
In the UK, we currently seem to have a major problem filling the update slots, which is a shame because doing them is great fun and a superb way of meeting some grand folks. It wasn't until I started doing them that I realised what a valuable service they fulfil world-wide - whether it's for the ex-pat who can no longer get Corrie, the overseas viewers keen on keeping tabs on the storylines, or the UK viewer who missed the episode and wants to fill in the detail. When you start writing these updates, the e-mail postbag you get soon reinforces the value of it all - I know for a fact that many subscribers print out the updates and pass round copies to their family, friends and work colleagues.
Over the years, updates have tended to get longer, but there are no rights and wrongs in this - it really is a matter of individual style. I wonder whether the length of some updates puts off aspiring writers - it really shouldn't. It really would be nice, if we had, say, 8 updaters, thereby enabling a fortnightly cycle - that way the load would be spread across the patch without it becoming too onerous.
Equally, there is a great market for the Corrie Report Summary style (250-400 or so words), providing an episode summary. Again, this could be split - many hands and all that.
So, how about it folks?? If you want to talk it over, contact either Graham Allsopp (through http://www.corrie.net or e-mail G.Allsopp@Bigfoot.com ) or myself on e-mail at alan@prosper.demon.co.uk - why not have a bash?
As for myself, I have a number of Corrie projects in mind (especially the Classic Corrie episodes currently being screened on UK satellite which many overseas viewers will not have seen) and I'm keen to get cracking on those and updating my website. I'll be around, of course, as ever, on the IRC #coro_street channel on Sorcerynet. Luv ya! XXXXXXXXX
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Wispa
The episode commences in the street, where Danny is backing up his van. Sally has asked him to give her a hand with her things for the market. He is delighted to oblige. He starts transferring her stock from her land Rover into the back of his van. She expresses her gratitude, especially considering the way she has kept him at arms length. He tells her that it is his pleasure, and asks what is the matter with the engine. There is an embarrassed pause and then Sally comes clean - she confesses that she lied about her van breaking down, she really just wanted to talk to him and felt that the best opportunity would be to do that on the journey in to the market. He is curious and asks her to tell him what is on her mind. She asks if he is interested in her - she feels awkward for asking but he reassures her there is nothing to worry about, he IS interested, if that's what she wants to call it - he calls it "fancying you like mad." Sally is delighted she has asked him She confirms that she is available, in fact, would he be OK tonight, if he has nothing else to do. He replies, "as a matter of fact, I've got big plans", as he leans forward and kisses her. Sally giggles and tells him that someone might see them. They confirm their date for tonight.
Rosie is still acting up, telling Kevin she doesn't feel too good - Alison recognises it as a ploy to get a day off school and tells him that she cannot take time off work to look after her. Kevin tells her there is a sure way of finding out whether she is swinging the lead and that is to tell her that she can stop in bed but no trips over the weekend -he guarantees that she will be right as rain in 30 seconds. As he goes to test Rosie, Alison tells him that they need to have a talk - the Rovers at dinnertime - oh-oh!!
Linda is one her way out to work - she asks Mike whether he minded her coming round last night - he tells her he was pleased, because until then, he didn't know she cared. She told him it was surprise to her as well, as she thought it was likely he would have got together with his wife. Then when it came to it..... she asks whether Mike would have fired her, had he got back together with his wife. Why would he do that, he asks? An eager beaver like her, always keen, always willing? "Cheeky with it, though" chuckles Linda. Mike tells her that he never liked his women docile. He tells her to get a move on, "or I'll have to ...rollick you, won't I..." "Mmmmm, yes please" she replies sexily.
Vikram is telling Steve in the shop how his night out with Leanne went badly wrong and how he lost his earnings at the casino. Martin overhears this and storms out of the Corner Shop.
Melanie comes round to see Maxine at the salon to tell her that she has called off the wedding. She recalls how it was dreading telling her fiancé, only to find that he was relieved because he went off her ages ago and dint want to tell her. She has contacted the vicar to tell him to cross them off his list. "September 24th?" ponders Maxine, "it's a Friday isn't it?...Melanie? would you mind if me and Ashley had it?" Melanie tells her to go ahead, Maxine excitedly says she has been looking forward to a September wedding for ages. "So have I" moans the hapless Melanie. Maxine then has a brainwave, as she tells Melanie that she can still be in church on that day, as her bridesmaid. This sets Melanie off wailing - doh, Maxine!!!!
Furious Martin tells Gail about Vikram's conversation - he is upset that their money will be frittered away, but Gail is just glad to get shut of Leanne.
At the B&B, Vera gives Tyrone a big fry-up breakfast, but Jack cannot join in, he has to fast before his medical examination. In any case, says Vera, Jack cannot have fry-ups, as they are bad for him. Tyrone comments he would rather die than face the prospect of no more fry-ups. When Tyrone starts saying how much he hates hospitals because his grand-dad died in one, this is the last straw for Jack, as he gets up to go out for some fresh air.
Leanne tells Janice that she has received her payoff from Gail in return for confessing adultery, as it is quicker. Although Janice puts the breakdown of the marriage down to Nick, Leanne just doesn't care. Janice urges her not to tell Les that she has received money.
Alison is laying it on the line with Kevin - she tells him that wherever they go out, they seem to have the girls with them. Although she likes them, it's him she wants to spend time with. She wants them to have some time away together, just the two of them. Kevin agrees.
Vera catches Jack having a cigarette before his medical examination and she is not best pleased. He reassures her that this is the first cigarette since giving up. He explains that, for him, it's like a dying man's last request. He confesses his fears, as he has never passed a test in his life....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences with Sally returning
home from the market. She confirms her date with Danny. As she
is about to go into the house, Gail passes by - she tells her
how excited she is about her impending date. She mentions how
much she fancies him and comments how, she has got to know him
very well, working on the market and what a decent man he is.
Kevin comes over the road to tell her that he and Alison are going away for the weekend, so he will drop the children off with her. Despite her protestations that she has already made arrangements, Kevin is insistent., "Anyway, you want them back, so you keep telling me."
At the hospital, Vera's flapping is unnerving Jack. He is told there will be a wait until he is seen and this gets Vera going on about how typical it is "they give you a time and tell you you've got to wait." Jack tells Vera she can go back home, if she wants. She tells him she is going to wait. There is another patient in the waiting area, who tells him he has been waiting an hour and a half. Jack tells Vera, she is making him feel nervous but he would prefer it if she went for a wander round and came back later. Fingers crossed, eh?" she says as she kisses him on the cheek. "I'll have everything crossed" replies Jack.
After Vera has gone on her way, Jack's fellow patient in the cubicle gets into conversation asking Jack if they made him give up smoking, pies, fried eggs and so on... He informs Jack that the surgeon is apparently very good, "when he has to cut you, he leaves a very tidy scar line open." Jack rolls his eyes in disbelief, "smashing" is all he can say!! ROTFL!
Maxine is trying to get through on the phone to the church to be able to take over Melanie's cancelled appointment. To her frustration, the line is engaged and she keeps redialling the number. Finally, she gets through - she explains the situation to the vicar and is overjoyed when the vicar confirms that this is possible. She arranges to meet him on Saturday morning at 10 a.m.
In the hospital, the doctor is explaining the position to Jack. The reason he has been getting the pains is that the blood supply has not been getting to the heart muscle as it should be. He tells Jack he will be able to see what is going on during the examination. He asks Jack whether he has been smoking - Jack denies this and puts the smell of cigarette smoke down to Vera. The consultant tells him that of he continues smoking he will die and there wouldn't be much point in treating him.
Rosie continues to give Sally a hard time. Sally tells her that Sophie is going to Rita's but Rosie wants to go to Kevin and Alison's - Sally tells her this is not possible as they have gone away for the weekend. In a show of petulance, Rosie refuses to eat her dinner. A knock on the door announces Danny's arrival - Sally tells him what has happened and that she is trying to get Rosie to go with Sophie to Rita's. At that point, Rosie throws a tantrum knocking her meal to the floor and smashing the plate.
At the Rovers, Linda is getting in the drinks and makes sure she stands next to Mike at the bar - he whispers that he will meet her round the corner in Rosamund Street in ten minutes. On his way out, Mike bumps into Alma - there is an embarrassed pause. Janice remarks to Linda on how Mike looked straight through Alma and comments how it cannot be pleasant being married to him.
Ashley comes into the pub and Maxine gives him the glad tidings that she has secured the church booking. Both are delighted. Maxine now starts worrying about where to have the reception.
Sally rings Rita to tell her that she is not going to be able to bring Rosie round. Danny is sitting quietly while she makes the call. Sally apologises to him. He sympathises, remarking how Rosie is quite a handful for her. Sally starts blaming herself, but he tells her she shouldn't. He recognises her difficulty but knows that kids are good at winding up their parents, as he used to, if he thought he could get something out of it. Sally denies this is the case, saying what a happy child Rosie used to be and if she isn't, then it is her responsibility to make it her happy again. Turning to him, she tells him that their relationship is clearly not going to work. He tells her they can make it work. Although they agree how they feel for each other, Sally tells him that their timing is all wrong. He tells her "now is all we've got Sally - it's all anybody's ever got." She apologises again and cancels their date, much to Danny's disappointment.
Mike comes back to the flat - he has a present for Linda - a set of keys to the flat. She is delighted, as her investment pays off.
Ravi is delighted to see Alma in the Rovers. Alma takes the opportunity to apologise for her weepy behaviour the other night - he gallantly brushes aside her apology, offering her a drink and his company until Audrey arrives.
Danny is at the Rovers propping up the bar - seeing Sharon coming in, he recognises her and introduces himself. She asks him whether he is off to see Sally right now, but he dismisses this, saying that he and Sally are just pals from work. He offers to buy her a drink, unless she is waiting for someone. When she tells him she is on her own, he quickly replies, "what a waste." The compliment pleases her as she smiles.
At the hospital, it is the moment of truth for Jack. The surgeon tells him and Vera that the test are very clear - it is not very good, he will need surgery. There is a waiting list, but in the meantime, he encourages Jack to lose a little weight "and above all, no smoking." He then explains to Jack that the arteries to the heart are in a very bad state - he will need a triple heart bypass. Both Jack and Vera gulp when they hear this news and Vera takes hold of his hand....
.... And with that... .... it is the cue for music and credits
Episode written by John Stevenson
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me?
Mixed but pretty good on the whole.
Danny boy, forget Sally - got for it with Sharon, that's what I say! Rosie -yawwwnnnnnn! Ravi - what a star!
Dialogue award - the discussion about the surgeon - that's soo true to life.... Hospitals are full of that sort of dialogue.
Stars of tonight's show - Jack and Tyrone
Anyway that's it for now.. well, I can't stand here gabbin', I've got pies to shift. Seeya around, folks.... Take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Good evening everyone.
I had one of those 'complimentary' make-up sessions at a well known cosmetics counter in a department store yesterday. Of course, they are anything but 'complimentary' since you realise that you simply can't live without these various creams and lotions they use. 'What lovely skin, ' she purred, 'and although you have got away with minimal products so far, now is the time to start preserving that skin. We don't want any of those lines and wrinkles to creep in do we?' Then there is the make-up. Give her her due, she did make me up beautifully, and created a look that I was very pleased with at the time. Naturally, five hours later, after a few drinks and a burger, I looked like ChiChi the Panda. (And you should have seen what came off on the cotton wool at home when I tried to cleanse!) However, I left the shop clutching a bagfull of expensively packaged stuff with a credit card receipt for just about twice as much as I had planned to spend. Still, a bit of retail therapy is just the job, provided you can afford it.
Enough of me, what's been going on the the Street?
Jack's: Vera and Jack are still coming to terms with the fact that he has to have a heart operation. Vera wishes they would get it over with sooner rather than later. She blames Jack's life of 'fags, booze and fatty foods' but Jack attributes his condition to 'hard work and stress.'
Cafe: Judy gives Gary her permission to go to a boxing match, but he obviously feels guilty about going out without her. Judy would prefer to go out somewhere (else) together.
Market: Sally apologises to Danny for Rosie's behaviour, and that it prevented them from going out for the evening. Danny tells her that he went to the Rovers and had a very nice time with Sharon. Sally puts on a false smile and agrees that Sharon is a very nice person.
Rovers: Vera informs Natalie that Jack won't be able to work at the moment as he has to rest. Linda makes fun of Alison for letting herself be mauled by a man whose hands are always dirty, but Alison takes it in good humour. Linda cheekily attempts to get Mike to buy hers and Alisons drinks, but he smiles that he wouldn't like to show favouritism. Gail asks Leanne if the divorce papers have arrived yet, Leanns says it is none of Gail's business, but Gail reminds her daughter-in-law that she was the one who wanted to be bought off. Leanne goes off in a sulk.
Hair Salon: Maxine skips off to her appointment with the vicar, and to sort out a few other things. Audrey jokingly remarks to Alma, whose hair she is furiously back-combing, that it will be a wonder if the business survives the wedding with all the time off Maxine is wanting. Alma finds it refreshing that Maxine is not at all cynical about marriage. Audrey remarks that if more girls were, there would be less problems. Alma asks Audrey if she can use the house to cook dinner for Ravi. They agree that Monday will be the day.
Gary's: Jack declines Gary's offer to go to the boxing, on the grounds that the excitement may kill him! For example, he says, if an armed robber broke in, it could kill him. Gary says an armed robber could kill anyone - being armed, but Jack's point is that he wouldn't need to be armed to kill him in his condition. (Got that?) Gary advises him not to start facing armed robbers now. Jack seems quite shaken by the contemplation of his own mortality and holds baby Billy. He tells his Godson that 'Life is for living, and you have to live life with courage. And then, when you are a big boy and you get married, that is the biggest challenge in your life. That is when you take on a sacred responsibility, not just to your wife but to all of mankind. ..... So put your foot down and tell them who's boss. Tell Gary to get to that boxing match.' Gary laughs.
Rovers: Mike says goodbye to Alison and Linda on his way out. Linda asks him what his plans are for the afternoon. He tells her he is playing golf. She teases him about going home to his lonely flat, but he grins that is the best part. When he is gone Alison cannot believe how cheeky Linda was. 'I think he quite likes it' smirks Linda. Natalie asks Judy to work that evening to cover for Jack. Judy at first says no, since Gary is going to the boxing, but then decides to ask Emily to babysit as they could do with the money.
Cafe: Sally promises Rosie that on Monday she can go and help at the market stall, if she is good. Sophie will be going to playgroup so can't help as well. Rosie asks if Danny will be there. Kevin arrives to collect his children and promises them a trip to the otter sactuary he next day. In reply to Sally's question he confirms that Alison will be going with them, and Rosie gives her sister a big wink in the style of Nita Desai.
Shop: Gary meets Judy to tell her they can go out that evening since he has sold the tickets. She has to explain she's working. Gary is disappointed. Leanne pours out a stream of abuse about Gail to Vikram, who seems polite but distant. He is startled to find that Leanne has to admit adultery in order to get a hasty divorce. He asks if he will be named. Just then Ravi appears in the doorway. He makes a comment about Vikram's time-wasting, and also makes it clear that Leanne isn't welcome.
Break
Mike's Flat: Mike arrives home and pours himself a drink. He turns to see Linda standing in the bedroom doorway and nearly jumps out of his skin. He crossly tells her not to startle him like that and asks what she is doing in his flat. Linda points out that he gave her a key, and thinks he doesn't trust her. She throws his keys back and prepares to leave. Mike calls her back and apologises for over-reacting. He begs her to take the keys back, but to warn him first when she is going to be there. She smiles and gives him a kiss.
Rovers: Martin doesn't see why Nick shouldn't repay them the two thousand pound they are giving Leanne. Gail won't hear of it, saying it is the least they can do to help Nick out. Martin is clearly furious about the whole situation. Maxine is running a few honeymoon destinations past Ashley as they have a game of darts. Egypt is dismissed as too expensive, as is the Caribbean. Maxine would like something more exotic that the Isle of Man, since a honeymoon is meant to be a once in a lifetime romantic experience. Ashley aske her to give up the flat and move in with him, and Maxine interprets this as him romantically wanting to be together. He quickly corrects her that he wants to save money on rent. Sharon plays the fruit machine and Sally moans on about the non-stop work involved in being a working single parent. Sharon is partly envious, and hears the biological clock ticking away in her own life. Sally ever so casually pumps her for information about the previous night. Sharon at first is noncommittal, but then says she saw Danny in the pub and had a drink and a laugh with him. Jack arrives for work. Natalie tells him she doesn't need him as Judy is covering. Jack wants to stick to his routine, but not overexert himself, just as the doctor recommended. He proposes to work, but go out for a break every half hour or so.
Shop: Ravi tells Nita about the situation with Leanne. It has all got less fun these days he says. He confides that he is worried about being named in the adultery case.
Rovers: Gary feels it is a waste of a night out to be in the Rovers watching Judy work. They compare it to the last time they tried to go out, when they couldn't leave the twins as they were so worried. Jokingly Gary says that perhaps next time they will get past the Red Rec. Vera storms in and gives Natalie an ear bashing for making Jack work. He protests that he is alright to work provided he doesn't do too much. Natalie assures him he hasn't done too much tonight. Vera tries to persuade him to go home, but Jack says he must not be made to feel useless and redundant. Vera reluctantly agrees, but tells Natalie it is her responsibility not to overwork Jack. Alma asks Ravi round to dinner in return for the meal at the restaurant, and he accepts graciously. Vik rushes in and explains to Ravi that Nita is looking after the shop while he speaks to Leanne for a minute. Vik tells Leanne he does not want to be involved in any way in her divorce case. Leanne blames his father, but Vik says he has had enough and doesn't want to see her any more. Ravi has overheard everything from his seat and looks inscrutably at Leanne, who sighs wearily. Credits
Stephen Mallatratt
A nice episode with some good bits of dialogue, and good progress made on the Sally/Danny/Sharon situation. It seems that Sally may have put him off once too ofter. I'm looking forward to the development of this.
Funny bits: Vera ponders what a triple heart by-pass actually means, since we haven't got three hearts. Acting award: Rosie, for winking!
Till next time, Helen Johns Salisbury
Hiya :)
Well, that's the last time I say "Welcome to Summer" in an Update. A mere seven days after I said it and the Heavens opened. As I write this on Wednesday night, things are still dull, damp, drab and dreary which coincidentally enough is a list of adjectives I could use to describe this week's Corrie too. Perhaps it's the weather, perhaps it's just my mood or perhaps it's just that I'm sick of week upon week of woefully mediocre episodes packed with dreadfully contrived plotlines. Either way, this 'un stands out as being particularly bad. So let's get it over with and put it out of it's misery as soon as possible.
We open in the back room of the Rovers where Natalie is complaining to Judy that some things in the bar that should've been shifted, haven't been shifted. This is apparently Jack's job (whatever happened to Gary? Wasn't he supposed to do these things for Jack? Continuity! We haven't seen him lift a finger in the Rovers since he was allegedly "employed"!) but he's not in and not really fit to do it even when he does come in, concludes Natalie. Judy reminds her that she *has* promised to keep Jack on, adding cynically "No good deed goes unpunished". Just then, Leanne enters, divorce papers in hand and I, no longer able to give anything even remotely resembeling a hoot about her plight, slip into a state of blissful catatonia until the scene is over.
Sally has brought Rosie along to the market to help out today, since Rosie has been suspended from school. I, no longer able to giv... doh, I've already done that one. Not a great deal happens in this scene, but Rursie is surprisingly well-behaved as she stacks vests and prices things for her mother. She's even friendly to Denimhead Danny when he wanders over to check how things are. He tells Sally he thinks that Rursie is pleased with this new 'responsibility' and all happy at feeling grown up. I, on the other hand, believe that this is all part of Rosie's world domination plan. Lulling her prey into a false sense of security so it's easier for her to strike later...
Meanwhile at the Cafe, Audrey is trying very loudly to persuade Alma to do something nice with her hair and her clothes ready for her dinner tonight with Ravi. It isn't long before Gail and a nearby Gary (dressed in a leather waistcoat that makes him look like one of the Village People) join in the ribbing, telling Alma that she needs to get something low-cut and a short skirt etc, as she embarrassedly explains that she's not interested in Ravi and they're just good friends. In fairness, Ian Mercer was very funny and cheeky in this scene as Gary. Probably the best scene of the night, which should give you an idea of the general drop in quality.
Ravi, at this moment, catches Vombag taking an unscheduled break from his duty in the Cornershop. "Do you ever do any work?" he asks, for literally something like the 30th or 40th time since they came into the show and to be honest, I'm getting bored. Yes, we all know that 5Vikram doesn't work very hard and we all know that Ravi would like him to. Do we REALLY need reminding of this every other episode? Are the writers REALLY that hard up? Leanne enters at this point to double-check that Vombag's dumping of her the other night was definately the real thing. He confirms her theory as my eyelids grow heavier still.
Back at the market, Sharon appears to buy some knickers from Sally. Of course, we all know that the real reason she's here is to see some more of Danny, a point which is proven when Sally goes off to help Rosie with the tea and Sharon moves in for the kill, waving at the Denimclad one and exchanging vaguely flirty smalltalk. Within seconds of this, he starts showing off his marketeer skills (ie: Holding up plates and shouting "C'mon ladies! These are really cheap!" etc) and Sharon watches with wide eyes and a look on her face that screams "Soon... he will be *mine*!"... Sally notices this from afar and frowns. Probably not as deeply as I was frowning at the thought of a storyline as contrived and uninteresting as this one promises to be.
Jack comes into the Rovers just as Natalie is taking a phonecall from Vera wondering where he is. He refuses to take the call and gets an earful from Nat in return, who says she is sick to death of Vera calling every few minutes to check on her husband's health... Meanwhile, in front of the bar, Mike talks quietly to Linda and tells her he's off on a trip to London for the night. At first, she is a bit miffed at the idea (especially since he didn't warn her further in advance) but she smiles as he tells her "You have the keys, make yourself comfortable" and leaves. Two more repulsive characters having an affair I'm not interested in... Oh boy. Is it just me? Please, if it is then tell me! But I'm sick to the gills of all these horrible characters involved in directionless storylines like this.
Maxine does something or other in the Salon and tells Audrey that she's moving out of the flat upstairs. Nothing more to say here. I just think it's a pity that, just as I was warming to Maxine they throw her headfirst into this appalling wedding story (worst plot of the year, anyone? Yes, it *IS* that bad!)...
In Freshco, Alma confides in Curly that she's a bit pressed as to what she will cook tonight for Ravi. He has the great idea of asking Nita since Ravi is indeed her father and, as Alma looks on turning red with deep embarrassment, Nita explains how much her dad enjoys a good pasta, with salmon, cream sauces and ciabatta bread. I really wish I could find a way of dragging this paragraph out a few more sentences, but there's simply nothing to say.
Gail and Martin continue to bicker incessantly about the former's appeasement offering of £2000 to Leanne. I'm with Martin on this one to be honest that the cash should never have been offered, but I'm also uninterested in the divorce storyline and under the impression that these two (as some of my personal favourite characters *and* actors) deserve much better. They have basically had the same argument day in, day out, for the last four episodes. Change the record, please?
Oh mercy mercy me, as Marvin Gaye once sang... The adverts come as sweet relief from the tedium of the episode even if they do merely consist of the usual parade of cars and cosmetics.
Jumping back into the fray, Vera has arrived at the Rovers looking for her husband. He's "just popped out" according to Natalie, so Vee begins to share her worries about Jack's impending operation, expressing fear that he may be dead before they even get far enough down the waiting list to treat him. Natalie tries to explain about how they prioritise the list but puts her foot in by implying that, since Jack is old, he's not a "priority case". She is saved when Leanne comes in and interrupts to tell everyone within earshot that she's signed her divorce and feels cruddy about it. She laments on her marriage to Nick briefly before sighing "Still, I've got me cheque" and leaving for the back room, just as Jack walks in. He has bought a mobile 'phone (with a cute/tasteless [delete as applicable] musical ring) which he proudly displays to his wife, exclaiming that she may now contact him at any time of the day without having to go via the Rovers telephone.
Alma and Audrey return home from work together and discuss their plans for tonight. The former, of course, has bought lots of expensive pasta for her dinner with Ravi whilst the latter is stuck with going to a council meeting that is neither a) important nor b) remotely enjoyable... (just like this storyline eh?)
...as we cut to Plattingham Palace where Leanne has arrived to get her cheque signed. Unpleasantries fly thick and fast (I'll spare you the grisly details) as Gail tells her that she'll need proof from the solicitor that Leanne has kept her side of the bargain (ie: signing the papers) before anything will be done about the money. Zzzzzz...
Back to Audrey and Alma, it's now several hours later (yes, the Leanne/Gail fight really *DID* seem to go on for that long) and Ravi shows up early just as The Councillor is leaving for her meeting. She explains that she has to rush out, moaning about how awful the event is bound to be so Ravi, being a gent, asks her to stay and have dinner instead, an idea that Alma is visibly very displeased with. However, Audrey being Audrey, she agrees quite happily to join the two lovebirds for dinner as her housemate's head slowly begins to smoulder with annoyance.
Vombag talks to Nita and Linda in the pub about Leanne and reveals nothing that we didn't already know (ie: He's a @£!*). Snooze. Across the room, Kevin tells Alison that his decree nicee (no, I can never spell that word, I know) has come through, which puts him one more step towards the decree absolut and thus the finalisation of his D.I.V.O.R.C.E... She suggests, as he rambles on blandly about the deep significance of it all, that they go back to the flat and "celebrate... We cut back to Nita and Linda (no Vombag, he's (loo loo) nipped to the loo) as they discuss the latter's mystery love interest. Linda, who can't resist a bit of danger, invites Nita back to the mystery man's flat for some drinks, adding "he's got a full bar"!
Audrey, Alma and Ravi are wrapping up their dinner. One woman is grinding her teeth, the other is being typically oblivious (guess which one is which?) as Ravi intones politely how grateful he was for the meal and what a lucky man he must be to share the precense of "two such beautiful women"... All three characters appear to be running on autopilot for the duration of this short scene, I'm afraid...
...and I'm sad to report that even Jack and Tyrone (the current leading lights of the show) can't inject life into tonight's episode. As the Duke of Duckworth heads up to bed, he warns his young protege not to leave the Telly on all night long. Upon getting to the third step or so, Jack suddenly grabs his chest and suffers yet another angina attack. Tyrone springs to action and finds Jack's spray, handing it to him and it miraculously stops any sign of even heavy breathing or distress with one quick puff. The Ducky warns Tyrone not to say a word of this to Vera or else they'll be Hell to pay.
Final scene tonight scales new heights of absurdity as Linda takes Nita back to Mike's flat and reveals proudly the identity of her secret lover. Why she would do this is anybody's guess really and, as Nita looks on, impressed and shocked in equal measures, the credits roll mercifully and put a close to this most horrendous of episodes.
This atrocity was the work of Stephen Bennett but, in fairness to him, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and the storylines right now would barely pass for a sow's bottom. Don't get me wrong, this update isn't written with anger so much as with a sadness that the show which I love so much has hit such doldrums. For the last four weeks or so, it's been moving slowly along with increasingly painful storylines but at least the occasional good line of dialogue here and there has saved it. Not tonight though, and I pray that this is *not* a sign of things to come for too long into the future. Please let's have some interesting storylines, maybe even an unpredictable plot twist here and there? The thing I have always loved most about Corrie is that it's like following a group of people you know, almost like peeking into a little bit of real life, you know? But right now it plays like a run-of-the-mill soap opera. Maxine and Ashley, the new Sally love triangle, Mike and Linda (why!), etc, none of this is even the slightest bit engrossing.
Sigh. I apologise if I've ranted a bit but I'm sick up to here of the mediocrity we've been having lately. I've played it down over the past few weeks hoping that it would get better but tonight's was just the absolute pits. Hopefully we'll see an improvement soon. Sorry again for the tone of the Update. 'Til Next Time! :)
The Rattler
Hiya :)
Well, I think that if you've been reading my prologues regularly then you'll realise that this year's excuse for an English Summertime has been somewhat erratic. To keep those interested informed, tonight is really quite sunny and hot (which means next week probably won't be) and, to be frank, the heat always makes me really tired and rather gormless so forgive any excess brevity or nonsense that may rear it's head throughout this update (yes, more than usual!)... On top of this, Corrie is still in the doldrums (despite Friday's episode being quite fun) so I may be forced, purely for my own entertainment, to relentlessly ridicule certain scenes and perhaps not give you the most detailed description of the actual plot. Apologies in advance - Normal service will be resumed as soon as the show gets a little better!
Argument #1 - Gail and Martin sit at the breakfast table, *still* at each other's throat regarding the £2000 that the former had promised dastardly daughter-in-law Leanne. She is still very upset that he cleared their joint bank account and he is still maintaining that she brought it on herself by thinking that Leanne's pay-off was "her money" as opposed to what it really is, "the Family's money". When Gail attests that it doesn't matter since it's "money well spent" (whoever's it is) if it gets Nick officially severed from his young wife, Martin barks that it's time he fought his own battles (which is certainly a decent point IMHO) and reiterates the fact that no-way, no-how will Leanne get her grubby little mits on the ca$h. With this, he grabs his coat and leaves for work.
Alma, meanwhile, is telling Audrey about what Ravi revealed to her the previous night, the fact that Mike has himself a young girlfriend. Audrey asks the obvious questions ("Who is she?", "How does Ravi know?"), Alma merely replies "I don't know!" to them all, still clearly in a state of great shock about the whole thing. It seems that secretly she was hoping that maybe there was still a chance of her and Mike getting back together (!) and if what Ravi says is true then such a concept would certainly not appear plausible. Audreh wonders, in typically conspiratorial manner, if maybe Ravi is only saying this so he can follow it up with later with "Why don't you get your own back and get a boyfriend?" before offering his own services in the position, but Alma thinks not somehow...
Argument #2 - Over at Roy's Rolls, Leanne barges in, demanding to speak with Gail. The conversation takes all of five seconds to descend in an all-out shouting match, with Lee forcefully demanding her share of their 'bargain' (ie: £2000) and Gail trying desperately to explain how Martin cleared their joint account. Leanne doesn't buy this story and flips her lid, accusing her mother-in-law of being a "Twisting Cow!" before storming noisily out of the Cafe, to the horror of a couple of elderly onlookers.
Alison has nipped out of the Factory for a short while to get some milk and on her walk back across the Street, Kevin grabs her for a quick word. He just wants to apologise for how difficult it's been for the two of them lately, adding that "they're over the worst" since Rursie has apparently started behaving again (a likely story!)... In conclusion, he wants to take her out tonight for a special meal, an evidentally appealling prospect to the Mavelet as she accepts his offer with a huge smile.
Across the Street, meanwhile, I'm forced to eat my words. I have said in the past 10 months or so (many a time) that Maxine has been growing on me and isn't even a patch as annoying as she was back when her and Fiona were a Muppet-like Double Act. In fact, I've even said I quite like her character. May I take this all back please? She has, since getting engaged to Ashley (a match made in Hell, as I've already noted), turned into a bossy, abrasive and downright nasty piece of work obssessed only with the idea of getting married and thus being totally oblivious to anyone else's feelings - not least of all, poor Ashley's, as displayed in this scene here... As Prince Peacock is leaving the House Of Elliot, on his way to work, his Foul Fiancee storms out after him demanding "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you" before handing him a sheet of A4 paper and barking "there's a list of things I want you to do today. That's not tomorrow, that's today!"... Amongst these items is the fact that Ash will need to produce a birth certificate before they can get married, a concept that he seems a little uneasy about, considering his recently-revealed family history. Max is, needless to say, uncaring, simply stating "No birth certificate, no wedding" before stomping off to the Salon. He shouts in jest "Well, we'll just have to go on as we are - living in sin!", a joke that Maxine obviously fails to see any humour in as she flashes him an absolutely murderous scowl! Oh why oh why oh why are they doing this!? This is *THE* most atrociously matched couple *EVER* to hit Coronation Street! I almost want to weep. They are wasting Stephen Arnold's (and even Tracy Shaw's) talents on this moribund dross.
I had to turn the volume down for this next scene where Leanne is shouting, screaming, whinging and wailing to Vombag about Gail not giving her the money. Vombag, being a nasty piece of work himself, tells Lee that he has a plan to "get Gail Platt right where you want her". All she needs is the bounced cheque... as "evidence".
Back in Roy's Rolls, Hayley has popped in for some lunch and, as she exchanges pleasantries with her husband and with Gail, the 'phone rings. It's Leanne for The Queen Of Platt... She is obviously explaining something drastic, as Gail's face turns from stern to terrified in the space of a few seconds and she hangs up gasping "I'll come now" before dashing out of the Cafe, mumbling something to a surprised Roy about "family business"...
Vera and Jack stand at the bar of the Rovers discussing, predictably, his health (some surprisingly moving scenes on Friday from these two, btw...). Vera is suggesting ways of making him feel better whilst waiting for his operation date to come through. She tells him he should sit down more (!) and then comments that they should take a journey to the seaside. He is against the idea since, knowing their luck, the date they go away will be the date that the hospital call ready to put him in for his op... Across the bar, Alma walks over to Ravi and asks him politely for more information about Mike and his younger woman, ie: "Who is she?", "You saw her, what did she look like?" etc... With his deepest apologies, Ravi explains that he has not seen the girl but has been told about her by a "very reliable source" whom he "is not at liberty to" identify. "I'm sorry Alma", his sighs and predictably she replies bluntly "So am I, Ravi" before heading to the door. As she passes Deirdre, Linda and Alison in a booth, she asks the D where Mike is right now... Before Deirdre can explain that he's gone from home to an appointment Alma is already on her way over to the flat. As she leaves, in a mess, D muses on what a terrible time poor Alma having at the moment, a statement which gets no sympathy from Linda who reckons she "brought it on herself". At this point, Janice enters and buys the girls a round, as Alison mentions in passing that Kevin is taking her out for a meal tonight. When quizzed on what the occasion is, she explains how he's being "very cagey" and, needless to say, Janice reckons it's because he's going to propose to the Mavelet. In fact, she's just seen him coming out of the jewellers a few minutes ago!
Argument #3 - Over at Plattingham Palace, Leanne turns on Supercow mode and tells Gail her plan. She explains how she has "made a terrible mistake", because she has signed all those solicitor's papers claiming adultery ("it was all lies") merely because Gail offered her money. She "feels great remorse" and "may have to get it off her chest to the police" about she was manipulated and bribed. She even has the cheque to prove it! As Gail begs her not to do this, Leanne threatens "Pay me what you owe me, right" and leaves, slamming the door on her way out... Now I can't work out just why I'm thoroughly hating every moment that Leanne is onscreen at the moment. Is it Jane Danson's admittedly very good acting that has turned Leanne into a truly hateful individual or it just because this daft, dreary and very shouty storyline resembles something out of UberDepressant "EastEnders"? As I ponder this question, the commercial break fires up...
The adverts are no fun, as usual. There's one for Warburton's bread which is mildly amusing for all of a split second, in which an embarrassed young boy being picked up from school ponders in his head "Why can't my mum be more like the other mums? Why can't we have a car without ears?" just before his Mum, a mobile pet groomer, shows up to collect him a car that's made up to look like a giant fluffy dog! Ah well, it's more of a visual gag than anything else. Anyway, enough of this, back to the show...
...Where Linda and Nita meet up for a drink in the Rovers, across the room from a suddenly suspicious looking Ravi. Just then, Leanne returns to an earful from Natalie since she apparently didn't ask permission before swanning off to Gail's earlier on. "Sorry", says Leanne with a smug grin of Vikram Desai levels on her face. "You don't look it" remarks Natalie, "You look like the cat who's got the cream"... She does, as well. God, she makes my teeth grind!!!
Back at Roy's Rolls, Gail and Sir Royston are cleaning up and she is obviously very distracted. Good King Cropper asks her what's wrong but she tells him it's probably best that he doesn't know, just as Martin enters... They swap evil glances and then Gail states "Roy, I need to talk to Martin, and if you don't mind I'd rather do it at home" before leaving the building as we cut back to...
...The Rovers where Ravi joins Alma and Linda very briefly at a table, simply to ask the latter what it's like working for Mike Baldwin and more to the point, if she has any idea who this girlfriend of his might be. I roll my eyes at how stupid this storyline is getting and to be honest, I really can't bring myself to update the rest of this scene. In case you were wondering tho, Linda pleads ignorance to any such girlfriend even existing and Ravi wonders off uninformed. Oh, and it's probably no coincidence that the next (very short) scene is Alma arriving at Mike's (empty) flat, looking for him but finding instead some lipstick discarded on the table and some *GARISH* yellow undergarments in the washing basket... She, predictably, looks devastated.
Maxine enters the House Of Elliot and harps on about the wedding (to be honest, I get the impression she's far more interested in the "concept of a wedding" than she actually in actually being married to poor Ashley) to an uninterested Ash who is far more engrossed in reading the 'phone book. No prizes then for guessing that he is now in possession of his birth certificate and thus now knows the name of his real mother (Katherine Gooteridge (Gutterage??) or something equally unspellable). Max tries to explain how calling up every Gutteridge (?!) in the book and asking if they're his Mother probably isn't the smartest idea in the world but Ashley seems now dead-set on meeting this woman. This is actually playing like a plotline from "Neighbours" more than anything else.
Kevin and Alison are, at this stage, settling nicely into their posh meal. The Mavelet remarks on how expensive the place looks, to which Kev asks her not to worry, since "tonight is special". "Why?" she asks mischeivously (expecting him perhaps to produce a ring?)... "Because you're special!" is his equally mischeivous response.
Argument #4 - Back in Plattingham Palace, Martin and Gail bicker some more about Leanne and her money. Gail admits now that she was wrong to not discuss the matter more with Martin and basically tells him everything he wants to hear before asking if, considering Lee's current threats, he will help her out and put the money back in their joint account. Martin finally agrees. I throw my hands up in the air and shout "Oi vey!" at how ridiculous this whole plotline is... You know, Nick may well no longer be in the show anymore but his legacy lives on in cr@p like this divorce story!
Sharon and Danny sit in the Rovers, discussing marriage or more to the point, why neither of them have done it yet. The Gurning Gaskell uneasily explains that she nearly did only to find at the last minute that she was "um, er, um, making a massive mistake" and Denimboy just delivers the age-old cliche "I just haven't found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with yet"... Across in a booth, Alma tells Hayley how devastated she is to find out about how Mike has a girlfriend. Hayley, torn between whether or not to reveal the identity of the mystery woman, stutters away but before she can get anything out, Alma has already decided she needs to go home and think for a bit... Just then, Martin enters and approaches the bar to reluctantly inform Leanne that she will get her payment by the end of the week. A nearby Vombag mouths the word "CASH" to her and, to put the final humiliating nail in the coffin, she demands that Martin disperses with cheques and gives her the £2000 in nice crisp notes.
Back at the posh restaurant, the meal is over with and Kevin has a little heart-to-heart with Alison, explaining that he appreciates her sticking by him over the last few weeks what with all the hassles re Rosie and all the inconvience. He also wants to tell her that he doesn't express his feelings enough but she really does make him very happy indeed. As she squeals "That's great, because I'm happy too" he reaches into his pocket and reveals a ring-shaped box... "Take a look at this" he smiles and, as the overexcited Mavelet fetches the box from him, he says (totally oblivious to what she's obviously expecting) "Rosie's been good this last week or so, I thought I'd give her a bit of encouragement - whaddya think?" - Yep, sure enough, NO RING! It's just a small pendant for his daughter! "Err, yes it's lovely" mutters a visibly very upset Alison.
In the middle of Coronation Street, Danny and Sharon discuss getting up the next morning and conclude that maybe they should call it a night since they both work pretty early shifts. With that, they exchange a surprisingly passionate goodnight kiss just as Sally steps out of the front door to lay out some milk bottles... Cadfael watches as Sharon and Danny finish their kiss and The Gurning One whispers "It's too early to say goodnight - do you fancy a coffee?" before leading Denimboy back to her place! Sally stares in horror, her face a mixture of indignance, hurt, jealousy, shock and despair... Now, I'm not sure how many of my readers watch "The Simpsons" but those who do will understand fully when I quote Nelson Muntz and say "HAR HAR!" :))
Tonight's final scene involves Hayley showing up late at Audrey's house to talk to Alma. After much thought, she has decided to just fess up and tell her friend all she knows... Apologising for not telling her soon because she knew how much it would hurt, Hayley then reveals the identity of Mike's mystery woman to be Linda Sykes! Alma, stunned and disbelieving splutters "But she can't be older than 25!" and, as the penny sinks that Hayley isn't making this up, total devastation sets into the long- suffering Mrs Baldwin's face. Roll credits.
This John Stevenson-scripted episode was pretty naff, IMHO, not due to the level of writing so much as the stories themselves, as I said last week. There's little room for the warm, friendly and amusing dialogue that Corrie is so revered for and it's all getting a bit "EastEnders" on us at the moment, something which I personally find to be very boring.
I have indeed taken on board the light criticism that Diane Johnston (WTN Updater and all-round Voice Of Reason) mentioned to me last week (in reference to my moaning about current contrived and predictable plotlines) that indeed Corrie is meant to reflect life and "life isn't a series of unpredictable twists and turns" (speak for yourself, Diane ;)) but, quite simply, as far as I'm concerned, it's just not doing it for me right now. I am having trouble 'believing' in almost all of the storylines at the moment and I just don't find them very realistic or engrossing - sorry!
Anyway, enough of this. Hopefully some of these stories will wrap themselves up soon and we can return to the Corrie we all know and love. Then maybe I'll be able to write a proper Update with *gasp* a few compliments maybe!! :) 'Til Next Time! :)
The Rattler
Audrey is eating breakfast, singing along to the radio which is playing "Kissing in the back row of the movies". A worse-for-wear Alma staggers in and plonks herself down, putting a halt to Audrey s singing. She takes one look at Alma and comments that she thinks she did the right thing by having an early night, if Alma is anything to go by. Alma snaps back at her to knock it off, as she isn t in the mood, but Audrey continues and pulls her leg, asking as to whether she had too many gin & tonics in the Rovers, or whether it was a dirty glass, as Alf used to claim. Alma signs and puts her head in her hands. Audrey then adopts a more sympathetic tone and tells her that moping about the divorce won t do her any good. Alma snaps that she isn t moping about the divorce; she then goes on to say that she had a visitor the night before Hayley. She relates how Hayley told her Mike s girlfriend is one of the girls from the factory. At this point Audrey gasps "Never!" and, when told it's Linda Sykes, asks incredulously "That one with the gob like a hippo s watering hole?! Are you sure?". Alma confirms that they have been together for weeks, and Audrey comments that she knows Mike wasn t born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but Linda "could blow her nose on sandpaper, that one". Alma tells Audrey that she hasn t slept a wink all night, and she bets that Mike and Linda have been having a good laugh behind her back. Audrey says that of course they wouldn t be doing that, but Alma isn t convinced. Audrey warily asks what she is going to do next. Alma ponders for a moment and says that she will ring Curly and tell him that she has a migraine. Then she will go to the factory, and see who is still laughing when she has finished there. "Yeah, yeah!" says Audrey, offering support, but her expression tells a different story.
"I though Alma was going to go up in flames, she was that annoyed. I ve never seen her like that before." Hayley is recounting the previous night s events to Roy in the café. Roy tells her that she shouldn t be that surprised, as she must have known that news of what Mike and Linda were up to was bound to upset Alma. Hayley queries whether Roy is trying to say that she should have kept the news to herself. Roy doesn t answer directly, but says he knows that Alma is her friend, and that Hayley wanted to do the right thing, but she knows how he felt about it all along. Hayley tuts, finishing his sentence "I know, don t meddle". Roy continues that he knows she cares about Alma, but he cares about her, and he doesn t want her to get caught in any fall-out from this. Hayley says it's too late to have any second thoughts now, it's just a case of waiting for the big bang. Sally then enters the café and approaches the counter. Sharon, who is reading a newspaper whilst eating her breakfast, sees her and calls her over. Sally asks whether she shouldn t be in the shop, but Sharon responds that Rita is looking after things for her, and comments that she didn t have time for any breakfast that morning in fact, it was lucky that the papers were done at all. Sally suddenly takes an interest and asks why; Sharon tells her that she had her mind on other things - Danny had stayed over. Stony-faced, Sally sits down and casually asks if things are going well. "I ll say", chuckles Sharon, going on to mention that all the fresh air on the market stall is giving him a big appetite, "and I don t mean food!". Sharon jumps up to go back to the shop, telling Sally that she did her a good turn pointing Danny in her direction and that she owes her one back.
Fred stands impatiently by his car in Coronation Street, waiting for Ashley. He leans in and beeps his horn. Ashley appears from the house. "Come on Ashley! There s housewives with money burning holes in their pockets can t you hear it rattling on the flags?". Ashley apologises and pointlessly says that he is here now. He is finishing off the remains of his breakfast. "The wheels of commerce pause only briefly for them that wants a lift to work in the morning." "I know, thanks Uncle Fred, I just got a bit behind this morning." "You ll be behind this car walking if you don t watch them crumbs. This vehicle was given a Gold Medallion valeting only the day before yesterday." Ashley apologises again, stuffs the remainder of his breakfast in his mouth, brushes any remaining crumbs from himself and gets into the car. Fred comments that he hopes Ashley has organised the morning of his wedding properly, as they drive off. Ashley tells him not to worry; Maxine has planned it like a military operation. "As long as it's not The Charge of The Light Brigade", counters Fred, as Ashley continues by saying everything for the wedding would be perfect if he could only find his real mum. Fred slams on the brakes and demands to know whatever put that idea into his head. Ashley tells Fred it was him, when he told Ashley the truth about his parentage. Fred lectures that Beryl is his mother in all but "pain of childbirth", and that he d never even heard of Kathleen until a month or so ago she means nothing to him. Ashley reminds him that she is his real mother, but Fred asks him how he thinks Beryl will feel, Ashley wanting to have this "other woman" at the wedding a woman he has never even set eyes on. He then says that there are other people s feelings to consider too; but there is no point in them falling out over it, because he would never be able to locate her the last that he heard of her she had flitted to Australia with a new man. This happened over twenty years ago, and that she will probably be married with a new name and will even sound different. He tells Ashley that he has best put the idea to the back of his mind. Ashley reluctantly agrees.
Sharon is yawning her head off in the shop. Rita appears and comments that for someone who claims to have slept through her morning alarm, all of that extra sleep doesn t appear to have done her much good. Sharon apologises and admits that she didn t get much sleep at all. When Rita looks concerned she embarrassingly admits that she wasn t on her own. Rita puts two and two together and concludes that Danny is to blame for all the late newspaper deliveries. A weary Sharon asks Rita not to have a go at her; Rita denies that she is, and says that if Danny is making her happy then no-one could be happier for her. Sharon admits that she is very happy. Rita queries whether the relationship is serious, but Sharon says that, for the moment, they are just two adults having a good time. Rita advises her to take it steady.
In the Rovers, Jack is "cleaning" the glasses by breathing on them and wiping them with a tea-towel. Natalie is looking for Vera, and asks whether Jack has locked her down in the cellar. Betty tells her not to put ideas in his head. Jack tells her that Vera ran out of polish and has gone to the corner shop. Natalie comments that Vera gets through an awful lot of polish; she hopes that she isn t using it to clean up their b&b. Jack defends Vera, saying she is simply being thorough. "Yeah, yeah, of course she is", Natalie is lost for words and returns to the back room. Jack continues to Betty, "she s thoroughly doing my head in, I know that". Betty comments that he doesn t have his pigeons any more, and wonders if Vera has asked Jack to get rid of his bedbugs too. Jack tells her that Vera wants them to visit Tommy over the weekend. Betty presumes that Jack doesn t want to go, but Jack tells her the real reason is that he thinks it will be the last time that he sees Tommy, and he doesn t want to say goodbye. Betty tells him he is hardly at death s door yet; Jack wishes she would tell that to Vera. "You re never going to see that little grandchild of yours again, if you live long enough to get that telegram >from Buckingham Palace?". Jack refutes this, but Betty continues, saying she understood that Jack s doctor told him to carry on as normally as possible not to carry on malingering. She tells him that everyone knows he is ill, but he isn t the only person who is suffering what about his Vera?
Over in the factory, Janice is trying to pump Alison for news on the night before with Kevin. Alison tries to play dumb, but Janice spells it out for her. "Come on fancy restaurant, candlelight, Kevin going to the jeweller s earlier; where s your ring?". Alison reluctantly admits that there is no ring. Janice doesn t believe her, and asks what Kevin was doing at the jewellers. "Has he got himself another woman or what?". Alison tells her that in a way he has; he bought a pendant for Rosie. Janice apologises and tells her that it will happen, it's just a matter of time with a lad like Kevin. Alison isn t so sure: "We ll see," she mumbles. The door bursts open and Alma storms in. Dierdre greets her but Alma just says that she is after Mike. She marches into his office whilst he is on the phone. "Do you mind, I m talking," he tells her. Furious, she presses the telephone line connect button-thingy. "No I m talking!". Mike stares, gobsmacked. Outside, Janice comments that it doesn t look as if Alma has come to kiss and make up. Dierdre tells everyone to get back to work. Back in the office, Mike shouts at Alma that she cancelled an important call. Alma asks if he really thinks that she gives a stuff about his call. (Go Alma, Go Alma!). He asks her what all of this is about; Alma tells him that he is priceless. "No wonder you re in business I ll bet you could sell the Devil a Bible and he wouldn t know he d been conned! I mean all the business with Julia Stone, and I never suspected a thing who knows what s gone on in the past!". Mike angrily denied that anything had gone on before that, but Alma cuts him down, saying she doesn t give a damn "how many tarts you ve tramped up with in the past", as Mike continues to protest his innocence. She tells him the thing that hurts most is the way he has treated her since baiting her, pointing the finger when she has been out for an innocent meal with friends, and laughing at her behind her back. Once again, Mike denies doing this, but Alma swings around to look out into the factory. "On no? Well what else have you been doing with that little scrubber out there?!" The girls can t work out why Alma is pointing at them; Linda glares at Hayley who looks down sheepishly. "Oh, you know then do you?". Mike states the obvious. "Linda Sykes, Mike; couldn t you do any better for yourself?". Mike asks her how she found out, but Alma can t see how that makes much difference. Mike demands to know, claiming to have a right to know who is talking about him. Alma smiles and says that practically everyone will be talking about him from now on. She turns to leave, but Mike presses her as to what it has to do with her who he sees, seeing as "you ve washed your hands of me in carbolic". Alma sneers at him not to flatter himself, as she isn t jealous. She tells him that if he wants to know the truth, really he disgusts her. She marches out into the factory, straight up to Linda. She leans on her desk and stares her in the eye. "I hope you ll be very happy together, but I doubt it!" she spits, and breezes out. "Flippin heck!" exclaims Janice. Linda gives Hayley an "if looks could kill" expression as the theme music breaks the tension.
Part two begins with the factory buzzing. Janice asks Linda if she is really seeing Mike, as Alison butts in with "but you can t be!". Linda admits that she is, and asks defiantly "What of it?". She dashes off to intercept Mike, who she discovers, is off to a meeting. Linda can t believe that he s leaving her alone to face the mob. He tells her that he has got work to do, and that she has too. He leaves, and Linda turns around to see a host of inquisitive faces.
Maxine has just ordered a couple of drinks in the Rovers, just as Ashley walks in. She comments on his good timing. He thanks her half-heartedly. She asks whether someone has run off with his pig s trotters, but Ashley tells her that Fred is sure his real mum has been in Australia for twenty years. He knows she would have been like a stranger, but he still thought it was right that she should be at the wedding. She sympathises, but reminds him that Beryl brought him up, and he will still be surrounded by people who care about him. Ashley complains that he ll still know she is missing. Janice, Alison and Linda then enter, with Janice pumping Linda for information as to how long she has been seeing Baldwin. Alison can t believe that it's been for a few weeks, and seems hurt that Linda didn t feel able to confide in her
They order their usual drinks from Leanne. Janice asks her to be quick, as she and Alison are in shock. Leanne takes the bait and Janice doesn t need asking twice to spill the beans, much to Linda s irritation. Leanne bursts out laughing, but Linda angrily asks what it's got to do with them. Janice rounds on her and tells her in no uncertain terms that it's got everything to do with them; "it isn t a co-operative over the road, it's Baldwin and us". If she is tickling his fancy, what does that make her
When Linda doesn t make the connection, Janice asks her straight out if they can trust her. Linda tells them to stuff it, and marches out. "Told you," smiles Janice, triumphantly.
Alma is having a cup of tea with Gail in the café, as Hayley gushes in. She asks how she is; Alma admits that she got a lot off her chest. Roy appears. Hayley tells Alma that Mike got off straight away afterwards, and that Linda wasn't best pleased. Gail pipes up that she doesn t think that they have to worry about Linda, but Roy says that that isn t strictly true. Hayley insists that she isn t frightened of Linda; Roy says she would have no need anyway, as she had him to protect her, "whatever the repercussions". Hayley smiles nervously.
Back in the Rovers, Alison and Janice are still propping up the bar as Dierdre enters. Janice passes Linda s full pint over to her, telling her that Linda has lost the taste for it. Alison elaborates and tells Dierdre that Linda left because she didn t like the things that Janice was saying to her. Dierdre bemoans the fact that things will get quite choppy over at the factory; Janice says she thought Dierdre must have known all about it, as she and Baldwin were like Bonnie and Clyde. "In fact," she continues, "If I thought he were going to get his socks off with anyone in that factory, I would have said it were you. No offence, Dierdre." Dierdre gasps her "thanks" to Janice, but tells her that she was as shocked as everyone else. Natalie asks Dierdre if it is true, the things that Leanne told her about Mike. Dierdre says it is, if she is referring to him letting go of his senses. Janice says it's Linda who needs her head examined. Betty has joined in now, and comments that Mike was always very popular with the ladies, not that she ever saw anything in him herself. Alison adds that Linda could have her pick of any man, and that she doesn t see what the attraction of Mike is; Natalie tells her that beauty isn t always in the eye of the beholder; sometimes it is in the inside breast pocket(!) Betty turns and mentions to Jack that she thinks people like Mike should be taken to the vet, once they start messing around with young girls. Jack defends him, telling her that Mike is doing nothing more that answering Nature s reveille. And when Linda blows her trumpet, there isn t much a lad can do about it. He then thanks Betty for the chat that they had had earlier. He tells her that he spoke to Natalie, and now he and Vera are off to see Tommy for the weekend. Betty is delighted and tells them to have a good time. Meanwhile, back at the bar, Dierdre is saying that recent events explain a few things that have been going on at the factory recently, such as Linda being so sure of herself. Janice tells Alison and Dierdre that she is having nothing more to do with her, but Alison defends her, saying she is still Linda. Janice then asks whether Alison has seen Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. When asked what that has to do with it, Janice continues that it's just like folk wandering around as your mates; except they aren t your mates anymore. And that that is what has happened to Linda - as good as. "In any case, if she is bumping bits with Baldwin, then there s no way we can trust her." Natalie then remarks that, on the other hand, if Linda is Mike s bit of stuff, she had better watch out that she doesn t go upsetting her. Alison and Janice exchange uncomfortable glances.
At the Kabin, Rita is handing Sally some change, and asks whether she has got lots to keep the girls amused over the summer holidays. Sally says that she has a few trips planned, but mainly she will play it by ear. Rita offers to lend a hand whenever it's required; Sally thanks her and turns to leave, bumping into Danny in the process. They exchange awkward greetings. He asks Rita if Sharon is around, but is told that she is at the wholesaler. He asks if he will see Sally on the stall the next day; she tells him he will. Rita looks concerned as Sally leaves.
The girls are sitting on the factory steps for their afternoon break. Janice has brought a couple of spare teas with her, and hands them to Alison and Hayley, who is reading. When she sits down, Linda asks where her drink is; Janice tells her it's probably still in the pot. An awkward silence follows; Alison volunteers to get Linda a drink. Linda tells her that she will go herself, and marches inside. Alison tells Janice that she should at least give her a chance. Janice says the only thing she will give her is a wide berth. Alison asks for Hayley s opinion on whether they should give Linda the cold shoulder; Hayley says that she doesn t know, and goes back inside with her book. She bumps into Linda who blames her for her situation she calls her a creep and says all of this happened because she couldn t keep her gob shut. Hayley says she has been called all the names under the sun before now; and anyway, she may have given Alma her name, but Alma had already known that Mike was up to something. Hayley turns to leave, but Linda angrily tells her that she hasn t finished yet. Dierdre arrives on the scene and demands to know what is going on. Linda shouts "Nowt! And you can tell Mike, if he bothers to turn up again this afternoon, that I ll see him at the flat". Dierdre begins with "Now just a minute - !", but Linda has already stormed out of the door.
Audrey brings Alma a cup of tea, telling her how proud she is of her. She says she bets it was the last thing that Mike expected, Alma going in with all guns blazing. Alma agrees the last thing he wanted was the factory knowing about his fling, as well as her. Audrey says she can t see Janice taking kindly to a colleague bedding the boss. Alma says that, now she has calmed down, she feels quite sorry for Mike and Linda; their situation is pitiful. What is he after a young bit of stuff to make him feel like a stud again? And whatever Linda thinks she will get out of him, she will be sorely disappointed sooner or later he will toss her aside like a used box of his cigars. Audrey then tells Alma she hopes at least one good thing has come out of all this that she won t think twice now about getting what is rightfully hers from Mike. Alma smiles uncertainly, and nods.
Linda is nursing a drink, waiting for Mike at the flat. "So where did you get to?" she yells, as he appears. He doesn t take kindly to this, and she softens her tone slightly, mentioning how she had to deal with everyone gossiping and being nasty to her, by herself. He says he is sure she coped, and anyway, he had a meeting. "What, all afternoon?" she spits. Mike asks who the Hell she thinks she is, his wife? He tells her she can get out if she is going to be like this. She apologises, and tells him the day has got to her. Mike thinks out loud about how Alma found out; Linda tells him that it was Hayley, who saw them together once. "Still", continues Linda, "at least you can teach her a lesson for opening her freaky gob, can t you?".
Dierdre is unburdening herself to Ken in the Rovers. Ken thinks Mike and Linda deserve each other. Dierdre says that that hardly helps her, and if the stunt Linda pulled today, by flouncing off, is anything to go by, then she is only just warming up. Rita thanks Fred for buying her a drink, and returns to Sally. After mulling over the recent developments at the factory, the conversation soon turns to Danny, and Rita comments that she realises Sally now regrets turning him down. Sally says it's her own fault, as Sharon asked her if the coast was clear, and she had said it was. She tells Rita that she now feels jealous of Sharon. Rita has an expression that is a cross between "Sorry I ever asked" and "Make your bloody mind up, woman!"
The atmosphere in the flat has calmed. Mike tells Linda that he won t sack Hayley, as the quality of her work is good, and it would be like cutting off his nose to spite his face. He makes a crude joke about Hayley s operation being similar. He tells Linda that she has got what she wanted, even if it wasn't in the manner that she wanted; their relationship was now out in the open. She asks if this means he can now drop her off at the factory door; he agrees.
Ken and Dierdre are still in the Rovers. She says that Alma is in the best position of everyone, as she is rid of Mike. She is fed up of Linda undermining her, and of not getting any support from Mike. However, the little cow-bag (cow-bag! Dierdre actually said that! What was Phil Ford thinking of?!) is not going to get the chance to do it any more, as first thing in the morning Dierdre intends to quit.
Written by Phil Ford.
Paul Connor
