Friday 1 January
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Well, here we are. Another year!! Yikes!! This year sees my
5-0, a prospect which scares the pants off me, how quickly time
has gone.
Christmas has gone. The tree has been taken down and dumped
outside. Always a sad occasion for me. The house looks so bare
after the colour of Christmas.
We greeted the New year in, in mixed style. A few days earlier,
I got up to find some drips of water coming through the ceiling
into our dining room. Fortunately, the area underneath was clear
at the time. Anyway over the next couple of afternoons, I proceeded
to lift up the floorboards upstairs - it turned out to be a leak
from a hot water pipe on the central heating system. The day
before New Year's Eve, an emergency plumber drained the system
and pronounced us without central heating or hot water. But at
least , we stemmed the flow. However, part of the ceiling split,
weakened by water for God knows how long. The following day,
New Year's Eve, the Gas Board engineer came round in the afternoon
to investigate and, as expected, the news is that we are without
heating and hot water, until Monday.
To cap it all, we have all been merrily passing around cold
infections between each other and it was Trude and Simon's turn
on New Year's Eve. So we stayed in and I mingled between the
family (in between Trude falling asleep all dosed up), watching
a brilliant Rolling Stones concert on German satellite TV and
the IRC crowd....
On the channel, I saw in the New Year in Queensland, the UK,
the Maritime Provinces and Toronto/Ottawa regions of Canada.
I finally hit the sack just after 6 a.m. That night brought home
to me the truly international nature of the #coro_street channel
and, of course, the universal appeal of Corrie itself. A number
of us recorded New Years greetings which we played to each other
on the channel and Elaine in Australia had the great idea of
putting them together into a #coro_street wave to symbolise what
it's all about....
So, on that note, let me wish you all, health, peace, happiness
and love for 1999....
The episode commences in Rita's flat. Greg has broken into
Alec's flat and come through the connecting door, having initially
taken down the barrier installed just before Alec's departure.
He is intent on revenge following the collapse of his relationship
with Sally, blaming her for the aftermath and his moment has now
arrived. A terrified Sally is sobbing her heart out and Greg is
telling her that he was not prepared to stand back and let her
screw up his life. Although she maintains she did nothing, he
is insistent, he has now nothing because of her. They could have
gone their separate ways, like adults, so why did she do what
she did, he asks? She had to rub his nose in it, to twist the
knife, he continues, did she have fun, dreaming up little schemes
to humiliate him, arranging to have the car taken back on Christmas
Eve? Her reply that all she wanted to do was to cut all ties with
him, cuts no ice with him. Why did she have to fill Maxine's head
with all her poison, he asks? She maintains it was merely the
truth, but Greg is in full flow - there is no stopping him. He
insists that Sally has been hell-bent on making him suffer, ever
since she left, now it's his turn. The petrified look on Sally's
face shows the full extent of her fear as to her potential fate.
We are chez Platt and Nick's 18th birthday party is in full
flow. There is a mix of guests, the usual family, neighbours and
friends. Martin brings in the cake - 18 candles on top all lit
up. The assembled throng sing "Happy Birthday" to the
birthday boy who hugs his mother. As Nick blows out the candles,
Martin comments to him that he knows what Nick's birthday wish
would be, but Nick is realistic - the prospect of Leanne coming
back to him is unlikely to come true. Martin tells him that it
is hardly going to happen while Leanne is at the Rovers - apparently,
Ashley saw her there earlier and she looked even more miserable
than Nick did. Nick brightens up at hearing this news, recognising
that there may yet be hope for their marriage and the stupidity
of their argument, decides to pop across to the Rovers right now.
"Not so smug are you now?" continues Greg as he lunges
towards Sally. She grapples with him and pushes him back on the
settee. Seizing the opportunity, she makes a run for it, running
downstairs into the street, yelling "Get away from me!!!"
At that moment, Nick is coming out of his house and seeing
Sally in obvious trouble, runs across the road to help her. He
pulls Greg away from Sally and brings him down to the ground.
Back at the Platts, the party is in full flow. The revelries
are interrupted when Sally bursts into the house, distraught and
terrified. Gail comforts Sally, who explains tearfully that Greg
had attacked her and that he is outside with Nick. On hearing
this, Martin rushes out to Nick's assistance. In the meantime,
Rita tries to console Sally.
Outside, Martin sees Nick on the ground having been winded
by Greg. We see Greg beating a hasty retreat from the scene as
Martin comes to Nick's support. Nick's face is bleeding, but he
is more worried about the state of his shirt.
A small crowd has gathered across the street, viewing the events.
Leanne has come out of the Rovers. Seeing Nick, obviously hurt,
she rushes across upset, asking what has happened, as Martin escorts
Nick back home.
Back at the party, Audrey is asking Fred what has been going
on between Sally and Greg. "I think it's what the police
call a domestic" replies RFred. Audrey is surprised at Greg
being violent towards Sally, but Fred doesn't see things the same
way, "I'd put nothing past that fella." Toyah has been
overhearing the conversation and chips in with the opinion that
men who are violent towards women should be hung, she wishes she
had been there. When Fred asks what she could have done, we get
the answer. "Right upper cut, left hook, round house, side
kick, right knee..." What a star!!!
Sally is sitting down, explaining to Rita and Gail that she
was convinced Greg wanted to kill her, thank God the girls weren't
in the flat. Fred comes to her assistance with a brandy to calm
her nerves and Alf offers to take her down to casualty. Sally
won't hear of it, all she wants is a plaster, she must have cut
her foot running across, she tells them. Rita blames herself for
the attack, she should have made Sally phone the police earlier,
but Sally knows that the police wouldn't have been able to do
anything, as Greg was out to get her. Rita reveals to the crowd
that Greg was handy with his fists behind closed doors and how
he had threatened Sally previously. Sally is horrified at Rita
raising these details publicly, but Rita is unrepentant - why
shouldn't people know what sort of an animal he is? What she cannot
understand is why Sally let him in. Sally replies that she didn't
do so and explains that he came in through Alec's flat and forced
his way in.
Nick, Leanne and Martin come back and ask how Sally is. She
is more concerned about Nick, seeing him bleeding, but our hero
is fine. Rita asks where Greg Kelly is but Martin can only tell
her that Greg ran away as soon as he approached them. Rita decides
to phone the police, the sooner they find Greg Kelly, the better.
Sally is very embarrassed and doesn't want a fuss making. Rita
is insistent, she is not going to go back to her flat with Greg
roaming around the place. Fred offers to escort the ladies home
and our Gallant butcher offers to guard them all night, if necessary.
Awwwww!! My hero!!
Sally gets up to leave for home - she thanks Nick for helping
her and hopes he hasn't had his party ruined. It was nothing he
tells her, in any case, it's early yet, but she tells him that
he saved her life. Nick's gallantry is recognised by Leanne, who
puts her arms around him and embraces him. The smile on Nicks'
face shows relief for the reprieve to the marital problems the
two had been suffering.
Audrey is back in party mood and gets the music started, much
to Alf's irritation.
At the Rovers, Blanche is bending Deirdre's ear. This time
it's where they are sitting, that is the problem - it's in a draught,
can they not sit somewhere else? Deirdre tries to point out to
her mother that this was the only table she was able to get, but
Blanche is full flight - you can tell she is going to have a moan,
whether it kills her, or anybody else, come to that. When Deirdre
decides to call her bluff, by suggesting they go home, Blanche
says no, they might as well stay, now they are here. (Why ARE
mothers like that?? LOL!!) Suddenly, she recognises an old neighbour
friend. Deirdre breathes a sigh of relief as Blanche goes over
to see her old pal.
Seeing Emily coming into the pub, Deirdre latches on to this
familiar, friendly face and invites her over to join her for a
drink. Emily explains she just came in to buy a lemonade to take
away. Deirdre pleads with her to join her and tells how her mother
is getting on her nerves and how glad she will be when Blanche
goes home. Emily relents, as Deirdre fills her in on the gory
details, how she is forever comparing her with the daughters of
her friends and pressuring her to find a nice man.
Blanche rejoins the group - she talks about her friend's daughter.
"You'll never believe what she's doing?" "Concert
pianist? Astronaut?" replies Deirdre sarcastically. She might
as well not have bothered because Blanche is totally oblivious
to her quip, having her own agenda to further, "No, VAT inspector
- and she's married a dentist." (For overseas readers, VAT
or Value Added Tax, is a tax levied on goods and services, similar
to a Purchase Tax.) Emily and Deirdre exchange knowing looks at
Blanche's predictable line of conversation.
At the bar, Natalie is remarking to Jack how it feels just
like an ordinary night. When Jack agrees, Natalie asks whether
it might be in order to make a little speech. He agrees and asks
"when?" Natalie feels right now is best and within a
split second, Jack is asking Vera to ring the bell, which she
does. This secures the attention of the Rovers clientele. As Natalie
psyches herself up to make an announcement, Jack beats her to
it. "I'd just like to say a couple words of thanks to the
people who supported us over the last few days." Great cheers
from the regulars. Natalie, however, doesn't look pleased and
the expression on her face changes from excitement and anticipation
to frustration and anger. She tries to tell him that it was SHE
who intended to make the speech, not him, but Jack is in generous
mood, thanking those who brought them dinner on Christmas Day.
He is glad, nay relieved, that their ordeal is now over. Speech
ends. Natalie's expression of "I don't believe this"
sums up her mood totally.
Greg has made his way into the Battersbys from round the back
of the house. He checks that there is no-one in, then goes into
the lounge to pack his clothes into his bag. Just as he is about
to go out with his bags, he suddenly pauses. He goes to the cupboard,
opens the door and takes a tin out. This is the tin for the "Lecky"
money, the funds set aside by Janice to pay the electricity bills.
He opens the tin and takes some money out of it. Having replaced
the tin, he leaves, not before taking a final glance behind him.....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at the Mallets' home
- they each have a baby on their knees. Welcome to sleepless nights,
fraught tempers and penury!!! They clearly don't see it that way
though and are basking in parental bliss. Goo-goo talk all around.
Back at Rita's, Sally is sure she doesn't want to go down to
the Casualty department at the hospital, after all, it's New Year's
Eve, she points out and they will be waiting for all night just
to be seen. Rita wonders how long it will take for the police
to come round. "Solid as a rock" is Fred's booming pronouncement
on the fact that the door between Alec's flat and Rita's has been
secured. Still, says Rita, Pat the builder is coming in the morning
to brick up the door properly. Fred announces that the locks have
been changed, but being New Year, the locksmith has charged "an
arm and a leg, I say, an arm and a leg". But not to worry,
he's made out a cheque to cover the bill, she can sort it out
with him later. He asks whether he should stay overnight on the
sofa, but Rita is grateful enough for his help and says he should
go back to the party. It's Fred's turn to feel guilty about the
incident, he feels he is to blame for turfing Greg out of the
flat, but Rita tries to assuage his guilt - Greg is a psychopath,
she says. Fred sighs, pauses, then says "Happy New Year to
you both" - subdued "Happy New Year" greetings
come back from Sally and Rita. He sees himself out.
After Fred has gone, Sally expresses her annoyance at Rita
telling everyone about Greg hitting her - she doesn't want people
knowing her business, but Rita points out that keeping quiet means
that people will only hear Greg's side of the story. Sally isn't
worried, as Greg is in big trouble anyway - if they find him.
Rita isn't so confident as to the outcome, as Greg will probably
get a swanky solicitor on the case and he'll twist everything
around to make it look like it's Sally's fault. Sally knows what
an animal he is, but is more concerned that she will look stupid.
"No more stupid than a lot of women, including me" replies
Rita. When Sally wishes she could turn the clock back, Rita tells
her that she cannot, but she can start looking to the future.
"A New Year and a new start!" she toasts, raising her
glass.
At the Rovers, Lorraine and Natalie are having a quiet drink
in the back. Lorraine is concerned as to whether they should be
doing this, but Natalie points out they can what they like, it's
her pub. Lorraine is worried about whether this is fair on Jack
and Vera, but Natalie says they can take a five minute break before
it gets busy and, in any case, Jack and Vera haven't done a stroke
of work for a week, so it's her turn to take a break. Lorraine
wonders whether Natalie is doing the right thing buying the pub
- "You wouldn't say that if you knew what I paid for it"
replies Natalie. Lorraine fears it being a big change for Natalie,
but Nat says that she has had experience of the trade on and off,
for years. In any case, on this side of the fence she gets to
keep all the profits. "that's if you make any" replies
a worried Lorraine. "Oh I will" says Natalie, obviously
very determined. Lorraine wonders whether it's such a good idea
Natalie getting involved in such a venture so soon after Des'
death. She would have thought that Natalie might want to move
away from the area, but Natalie replies that she likes it round
here, in a way, buying Des' local is a fitting tribute and one
the attractions of the place is that it reminds her of him.
It's feeding time at the Mallets' and Bebeh 2 is hungry. Gareh
is all at sea, wondering what to do next. My gawd, it brings it
all back - the helplessness of it all, the uncharted territory.
Before we know it, Bebeh 1 is hungry as well - Gareh wonders how
this can be. Judeh puts it down to them telling each other, after
all they have a special bond, having been with each other for
9 months before they were born. Gareh suggests that perhaps one
tells the other that the parents could do with a couple of hours
sleep. Judeh reckons it could be 16 years before they, as parents,
get a decent night's sleep. But it's worth it, says Gareh - the
grin on Judeh's face tells you that she agrees.
At the Platts', the party is a movin'. Alfeh tells Martin he
doesn't have the stamina to keep up with the young 'uns and decides
to sit down in the armchair.
Nick is telling Leanne what happened over at Rita's place.
He is saying that, although Greg was quite strong, he didn't have
any co-ordination, so he must have had quite a lot to drink. "Oh,
you are so brave" says Leanne as Gail and Martin come along,
taking the mickey out of Nick, milking the situation for what
it's worth. "There are a couple of dragons on Viaduct Street
that need slaying, if you're up to it" quips Martin. Gail
accepts that Nick is brave, sometimes then sensible thing to do
is to walk away. "Well, your dad was brave, remember and
look what happened to him."
At the Rovers, Jack is telling Kevin that he is having trouble
adjusting, "I know how that Terry Waite felt when they freed
him." He is crowing over their defeat over Alec Gilroy. He
is full of himself, how people won't stand up for themselves these
days and allow themselves to be pushed around, no backbone. As
he is telling this to Kevin, Natalie tells him to shift some crates
of empties. "Yes, boss" he obliges. LOL!!!
Scouse Slagette is getting the drinks in for some of the girls
from the factory. A Tequila Surprise, she tells Linda and Allison.
"I've had three already. I said a slimline bitter lemon,
are you trying to get me drunk?" asks Allison. Linda asks
Jackie what her New Year's resolution is, her own is to give up
smoking , Allison's to stop biting her nails. Jackie declares
it is to find a new man, preferably one with loads of cash. "How
about Les Battersby? He keeps giving you the glad eye" suggests
Linda. Jackie complains that Les has no money, but Linda reckons
that will all change when the compensation money comes through.
Jackie moans that he's married and there is no-one half decent
that's unattached. Linda points out Kevin at the bar and Allison
comments that he looks lonely - Linda says she feels sorry for
him. Allison has noticed him taking the girls out in the morning.
"Broken marriage. Kids. Steer clear, girl. And anyway, they
start pining for their wives, after a while" advises Jackie.
Allison comments on how hard Kevin works and Linda suggests that
if she feels so sorry for him, why doesn't she talk to him. "I
think I will" says Allison, as she promptly gets up and does
just that, joining Kevin at the bar. "Must be the Tequila
Surprise" comments a surprised Jackie.
As she does so, Les comes over to the group, "Could you
do us a favour? Our Janice has gone to the bog a while ago and
she's not come back yet. I'm worried about her and she's had a
right skinful." Linda volunteers to have a look in the toilet
and as she goes, Les sits down next to Jackie and, eyeing her
up starts his patter, "So, just the two of us, eh?"
Jackie doesn't look impressed.
Alison has said hello to Kevin and is starting to tell him
she felt sorry for him standing on his own. Not surprisingly,
this isn't going down well with Kevin. She tries to correct matters
by saying that she knows about his situation and she sympathises
but that merely makes matters worse. She explains she works over
the road at the factory and that one of the girls had filled her
in on his situation. That upsets Kevin even more, as he thinks
that all the girls do at the factory is to gossip. Allison apologises,
saying she shouldn't have come over, it's all coming out wrong.
Realising he has been hard on her, it's now Kevin's turn to apologise.
He shouldn't have snapped at her, "it's a touchy subject,
my situation." Allison sympathises, it must be very difficult.
Kevin tells her that, although he is due to go to a party, he
might give it a miss - it's an 18th and it might be full of kids.
He comes to end of his pint and offers to buy her a drink. She
declines as she already has one but offers to buy him one. We
see one youngster, chuffed to little mint balls, at her in.
Les is continuing to try to woo Jackie. They could make beautiful
music together, he is telling her. Her reply is cutting "I'm
tone deaf and that's a very old line." He tells her the old
ones are the best, but she isn't sure. He accuses her of blowing
hot and cold on him when Linda returns to inform him that "Janice
has passed out on't bog!" "Well, that's alright then"
replies Les, "It's the best place for her, let her sleep
it off." When Linda protests that he cannot leave and has
to take her home, he tells her that SHE can take Janice home,
in any case he's practically an invalid. He's busy...as he turns
his attention back to an unimpressed Jackie.
Jack has brought in a bin-liner and dumps it on the bar. He
is angry and tells Natalie that he has just found their belongings
in the back yard. He calls over Vera. As they open up the bag,
he says that had he not spotted his Legion tie, then their belongings
would have been taken away as refuse. When Natalie says that surely
Alec didn't put them there, Jack asks who else could have done
such a thing? The bags must have been there for days, since they
went to Blackpool. Vera is horrified, her red basque is ruined,
full of mildew. He holds up a pair of his underpants and wonders
whether it's a cobweb he can see there - "that were there
before" replies Vera!! LOL!! The look on Natalie's face is
priceless. "He's done that for spite" says Jack. "Well,
just as well I've taken over then" replies Natalie.
Back at the party, Nick is dancing with Leanne. She is concerned
if something had happened to Nick, she would never have forgiven
herself and vows never to row again. They hug and kiss.
Audreh and Fred are dancing together. Fred comments on Alf
asleep in the chair about him being the life and soul of the party.
You can't take him anywhere, he'd fall asleep on a clothesline,
she tells him. Fred comments that as he gets older, he seems to
get more energy, "it must be all that red meat." "The
red wine you mean" replies Audrey. Fred confesses to feeling
a bit light-headed, "let's put it down to the company."
At that point Martin come up to announce that the New Year
has nearly arrived, two minutes to go, so get your drinks, is
the cry. The television is switched on, to bring in the New Year.
At the Rovers, Kevin seems to be getting on well with Allison.
She knows all about him, he tells her, "what about you?"
She lives with her mam and dad, but she is saving up for a place
of her own. "I take it you're not married?" asks Kevin.
She looks embarrassed but "no" is her answer. "Divorced?"
continues Kevin. "When I get married, that'll be for life"
she replies. Kevin comments that he thought the same, but it doesn't
always work out that way, does it? She replies that, although
she doesn't know the ins and outs, she does know one thing, she
couldn't walk out on two little girls. Her comment strikes a chord
with Kevin.
Natalie rings the bell - no panic - it is coming up to midnight.
We have the countdown. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New
Year!!! Glasses are raised - hugs and kisses exchanged all round.
As Les moves in for a New Year kiss with Jackie, she suddenly
see Janice coming out of the toilet, helped along by Linda - the
aspiring lovers quickly pull apart.
Kevin wishes Allison a Happy New Year and kisses her on the
cheek. She pauses and then kisses him quickly on the lips. Their
eyes meet and they move closer for another kiss, this time, it
is long and passionate. Yay!!!! What a lovely girl!! Start of
a new romance!!
Nick Platt's party is coming to an end and the guests are leaving
for home. Fred is still raring for more action, but Audrey tells
him that if she has any more red wine, she will not be responsible
for her actions. She sees Alf, still asleep in the chair, out
for the count, "Come on Rip van Winkle, time for beddy-byes."
She nudges Alf, still trying to wake him up, but there is no response.
After a few seconds, there is a look of realisation on her face
and she calls for Martin, "I can't wake him up...."
Martin puts his hand to Alf's heart... moves his ear to hear
Alf's breathing... tries to open Alf's eyes.... With Audrey and
Gail looking on, Martin turns round to them "he's dead, Audrey.....
"
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and credits
Episode written by Mark Wadlow
All material is, and remains, copyright property of Granada
Television.
Well, how was it for me? Good episode, with a fair amount
of action. Pretty well scripted and acted.
Nice light comedy, as ever, from Audreh and Fred, from Jackie
Dobbs and Les Battersby, from Toyah, from Jack and Vera. Blanche
turning in a polished performance as the crabby old mother. Good
solid stuff from Natalie and Rita.
Sensitive and accurate portrayals of new parents from Gareh
and Judeh. A welcome new face in the shape of Allison, who looks
promising - a real sweet youngster. Well acted drama provided
by Sally.
The finale, obviously, provided by the death of Alf Roberts.
No doubt there will be those who might have preferred a more
spectacular demise. I would not subscribe to that view. Alf was
around on the street for many years, solid, dependable, not particularly
exciting but a decent honest bloke who didn't make a fuss. Nothing
wrong with fading away. The end of era..... having revisited
some of his older performances on satellite TV, he was a backbone
character for many years. Well done Bryan, you played your part
well - long life, health and happiness to you!!!
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 3 January
A Happy New Year to one and all. Only 1 year to go to the
big one !
Two updates in two days is taking its toll on my digital outputs,
and also maximising the risk of getting a ticking-off for doing
this during office hours, so I'll keep the intro brief [what,
again ?] and get straight down to the nitty gritty.
A small observation tonight - the show is sponsored by Cadbury's
Creme Eggs. And it's not even Twelfth Night yet ! Still, the
Street is still very much in the New Year season, as we shall
see...
Seatbelts and luggage secure, seat-backs in the upright position,
no smoking during take-off please.
Act 1
Nick is tidying up the New Years Eve party debris, while Leanne
sits quietly on the settee. Both seem a little shell-shocked by
Alf's sudden death just a few hours previously, and feel guilty
that everyone should have been partying and celebrating as he
sat in an arm-chair and passed away, unnoticed. The most consoling
thought they have is that at least Alf was not alone, but was
surrounded by his friends and family. The front door opens, and
Audrey, Gail and Martin enter. Audrey is most visibly upset, and
Gail comforts her. She too feels terrible for not having noticed
anything amiss, but resolves to go home - after all, she will
have to get used to being on her own, and what better time to
start than now.
Rita and Sally are opening up at the Kabin, still awaiting
the arrival of the police, who will be investigating Greg's attack
on Sally. Martin arrives, and they wish him a Happy New Year.
Sally thanks him for his help, and says she must come over to
see Nick and thank him too. Awkwardly, Martin has to tell them
that he has some bad news - Alf had a stroke. "Oh no, not
another one", replies Rita. Martin goes on to tell her that
the medical staff had been unable to revive Alf, and he had, in
fact, died.
More bad news over at the Battersby's, where Janice has discovered
her missing leccy money, and is demanding to know if Toyah knows
anything about it. She doesn't, so Janice yells up the stairs
for Les, who appears a few seconds later, a vision of unkempt
hair and tatty vest. She waves the empty tin at him, but he too
denies all knowledge. Toyah interrupts, saying it's obvious who's
responsible. Who's not here ? Whose bags are missing ? Greg's
done a runner, and taken the money with him. She tells Janice
and Les that Greg had attacked Sally the night before, and Nick
and Martin had had to get involved to chase him away. Les, carrying
family loyalty to moronic proportions, immediately dismisses all
this as rubbish.
Back at the Kabin, Sally is consoling Rita, who is tearful.
She tells Sally she and Alf had been friends for most of their
lives, and on more than one occasion, he had asked Rita to marry
him. She thinks it's the worst thing about growing older - seeing
your friends dying. The police arrive to talk to Sally, and Rita
tells her to take them upstairs to the flat, and to tell them
*everything*.
It's more cheery over at the Malletts' house, where Jack and
Vera arrive to welcome in the New Year and to see the twins, still
named Baby 1 and Baby 2. Vera tells them about Alf's demise. Already,
the rumours are starting, as Jack goes on to say he'd heard Alf
was doing the hokey-cokey at the time.
The police have moved on to talk to Nick, who tells them what
happened when he came upon Sally being chased by Greg. They know
that Greg has family in the Street, and Nick has to break the
news that he is married to Greg's sister. "Half-sister",
Leanne points out. That's about all the police need to know at
the moment, and they leave. Nick apologises for Leanne for having
to involve her family in this, but she is not concerned - she
had never known about Greg before recently, and tells Nick her
loyalties are with him.
What a contrast to this, as Les expounds further on his conspiracy
theories. Toyah's mind has been twisted by that Barlow, that's
why she's telling lies about Greg. Janice reasons that the only
person in the area who has anything good to say about Greg is
Les, and maybe it's him who's mistaken ? There is a knock on the
door, and Les opens it and tells the two outside to clear off.
When they reveal they are police officers, he sheepishly lets
them in.
The Rovers staff, sans Alec, are gathered in the sitting room,
where Natalie reassures them that she wants things to continue
as they are. Better still, she offers Jack and Vera a few days
off to go back to Blackpool and see their grandson properly. They're
very grateful, and say they'll feel much better knowing they've
a job to come back to. "And a home...", says Vera. "Ah..."
says Natalie, that's one thing that *will* be changing. She will
be selling Des' house in order to provide the cash for the pub,
and will be moving in herself. The Duckworths will have to find
somewhere else to stay, after all, she is the licencee, and should
be living on the premises. [Trivia point - Vera was always the
licencee and I don't think it ever passed on to Alec, so how come
Natalie has taken over ? Answers on a postcard please.] Natalie
cheerily points out that surely Jack and Vera had been down the
same road themselves, so they should understand ? They look somewhat
less than understanding as Natalie goes off to open up.
Intermission
And a timely Weight Watchers ad opens the commercial break tonight,
playing on the guilt feelings of all those who've had one mince
pie and sherry too much over the festive season. Me - I figure
those extra pounds will fall off all by themselves. Takes a little
time, perhaps. About 11 months or so ;-)
Act 2
Les and Janice are being quizzed by the police about Greg's whereabouts.
Janice explains that he had been sleeping on their settee, but
appeared to have disappeared, and they have no idea where he'd
be by now. Les protests Greg's innocence, saying that he was a
highly respected and successful businessman. "Hmm, sleeping
on your settee ?", muses the policewoman. Les demands to
know who's behind all this trouble, "I know, it's that Sally
Webster isn't it ?", he adds. He tells them that she's spreading
lies about, because Greg had dumped her, and this is her way of
getting revenge. "You know how pathetic these women are !",
he remarks to the policeman. Janice and the policewoman give him
withering looks. "What have I said now ?", says the
expression on his face. [The bounds of credibility will be stretched
further tonight, have no fear. It's as plain as day, well to me
anyway, that a woman like Janice probably *wouldn't* put up with
this sort of boorish nonsense.]
Gary and Judy are still struggling to name the twins. They
eventually decide that they should take one each.
The police finally leave the Battersbys. "No doubt they'll
be back", observes Les. "Greg won't, though", is
Janice's opinion, as they stand in their doorway. She goes back
inside, but Les spots Sally crossing the street, and rushes over
to "have a word with her". Although sticking his face
right in front of hers, and shouting, would be more accurate.
Why is she lying about Greg, he demands to know. Sally tells him
she doesn't need any of this, and turns to go, but Les grabs her
arm and spins her round to face him again. She demands he let
go of her, but before it gets even uglier, Kevin appears and breaks
them up. He tells Les to pick on someone his own size in future,
he can try Kevin any time. Martin also arrives to see what's going
on, telling Les that he has to pull Greg off Nick, after Nick
had rescued Sally. Les rather unconvincingly tells them he's ready
for them any time, and goes home, exaggerating his limp somewhat
in the process. Martin returns home, but Kevin invites Sally inside,
to tell him what had happened the previous evening.
Audrey has returned home, accompanied by Gail, who is dispensing
tea to a stream of visitors. Fred offers condolences, on behalf
of himself and the Square Dealers, and tells her that things will
look up even though it is a dark hour for her. "He means
well", says Gail after he's left. Alma, too, comes round,
and tells Audrey how Mike had once told her how proud Alf had
been to have such a young wife. [Even though she does look mid-Jurassic...]
Audrey is of the opinion that Alf was happy to think that other
men fancied her [yes, sorry, we do seem to be inhabiting a parallel
universe tonight] but that of course she'd *never* given any of
them the slightest encouragement. Trying to put a cheery face
on it all is too much for her, and she breaks down. [And to give
Sue Nichols her due, she puts on a very good performance in this
episode.]
Kevin once again wonders why Sally had ever got involved with
Greg in the first place. She tells him that he hadn't exactly
had a sign up saying how he got his jollies hitting women, but
in a rather perceptive throwaway remark, Kevin notes that it probably
wouldn't have made any difference anyway. So, now everyone will
hear about it, of course, including the girls once it gets around
the school. [Erm, I think they might be a *little* young for that.]
He is alarmed to think about what might have happened if Sally
had had Rosie and Sophie staying with her the night before, and
refuses Sally's request that the girls do come round for a little
while. "Not while we don't know where that Greg Kelly is",
he says forcefully.
Jack and Vera are worried about their future. Jack thinks they
should have a private chat with their local councillor [Audrey]
and get their names down for a council flat, but Vera is adamant
they should use their nest-egg to buy someplace of their own.
Les arrives and orders a drink, and Jack immediately accuses him
of buying his (almost stolen) coat. Leave it, warns Les - he's
had a pile of aggro that morning and might just thump someone.
A quick return to the Malletts, where William and Rebecca Joyce
are unofficially christened. [And talking of which, the UK statistics
office revealed that Jack was the most popular name for boys last
year, and John has fallen out of the top 100 entirely, having
been itself the most popular name when they started keeping records
back in the 50s. Now, this won't do. If you're having a baby soon,
please do your bit and bring back John. Perfectly good name. Thank
you.]
After an awful lot of unremitting gloom tonight, we have a
brighter interlude in the Rovers, where Jim, Fred and Ken discuss
Alf, with the Duckworths and Betty joining again. It is agreed
that it wasn't at all a bad way to go, feet up in an armchair
in the middle of a party. Jack reveals that Alf had been a bit
of a wild thing himself in his younger days, three times married
no less. He'd come by the corner shop by marrying Renee, his second
wife, having already proposed to the previous shopowner, Betty's
sister. [Now that *is* before my time, I'm afraid.] Apart from
this rather unseemly desire to get his hands on the shop [:-)],
Alf had been a thoroughly decent bloke. Oh yes. Well, apart from
being a bit slow at getting his round in. Hmm, short arms and
long pockets, definitely. No, a thoroughly decent bloke. And very
strong minded. Even when his ideas were completely stupid. Totally
pig-headed in fact. But still a very decent bloke. A well-timed
silence, before they all decide maybe they'll have another drink.
[And not of course the first time this sort of exchange has been
scripted, but it was very well done, and worth having.]
As if we haven't seen enough of the missing link, the one and
only Les turns up to see Nick and Leanne, to "warn them"
that the police might be round to talk to them. No doubt he wants
to tell them what their story should be, but it's too late he
discovers as they say they have already told the police the truth.
Les' definition of "the truth" is naturally what's best
for him, and he gets very angry at the thought that his son has
been "grassed up". He goes on to try to take his precious
daughter away from this evil influence, but Leanne stands her
ground and says she's with Nick, and doesn't regret anything he's
said. Les announces that he's finished with the pair of them,
in that case, and storms off. [And sadly, in such a fashion, does
much of the strife in society proliferate.]
This episode was written by John Stevenson.
Well, everything to do with Alf's death was very well done
tonight, but we also had to sit through the complete turn-off
of the revolting Les Battersby ripping up whatever shreds of
sympathy we had for the man in his ridiculous antics over the
unmissed Greg. I for one hope he gets his come-uppance big style
real soon. Maybe the hospital inquest will serve to put him firmly
in place. We can but hope.
And a final farewell to Alfred Roberts.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): **1/2
I'm off home to shovel pizza down the kids, so we'll skip
the spell check today and cart this straight off to the jolly
Netscape News window. Drag, and ... drop.
John Laird
Monday 4 January
Hiya folks! :)
Well, it's not the best start to 1999, speaking from a purely
update- based perspective (from all other perspectives, though,
I certainly can't complain at all!!! :)))) since, two Mondays
into the New Year and nary a single row of text has emerged from
my fingers. I can only offer my whole-hearted apologies for this
shameless display of post-festive slacking off and will now attempt
to do the unthinkable and write two updates in one night! *gasp*
Further apologies for any shortage of good quality gags and witty
(!) observations that may result from this desperate attempt
to get back on track in as little time possible... :) (Gawd,
I'm getting worse than British Rail...)
The show opens as Audreh (who didn't have such a pleasant New
Year as myself) sits at home, staring wide-eyed into space whilst
clutching her late husband's favourite tie... Gail and Martin
are also present, doing their best to comfort her. Gail is holding
two of Alf's black suits and wonders which one they should use
to dress the deceased with for the funeral. "You know",
begins Audreh, misty-eyed and oblivious to her daughter, "Alfeh
loved this tie... I wouldn't have minded... but it were cheap!"
(Typical Audrey - brilliant!) but soon she snaps out of this trance
and realises that there are things that need doing, in a flash
she picking one of the two suits, telling Martin to go and polish
Alf's shoes and checking with him that the obituary in the newspaper
has been sorted out properly... Just then, who should enter through
the door ("I... I hope you don't mind... the door was open")
but Sir Royston Of Cropper! He offers his condolences (from both
Hayley and himself - aww! :)) to the Weary Widow and then asks
to have a swift word with Gail in the next room. They adjourn
to the hallway where Sir Royston awkwardly tells his business
partner that he has recieved a letter from 'The Bike Shop' and
will be going over there shortly to confirm that he is accepting
their offer on the Cafe. Gail is nothing short of *LIVID* that
Roy has picked such an inopportune moment to talk business and
tells him sternly that "SOME PEOPLE have got OTHER THINGS
on their mind"! Poor Sir R can do nowt to stop her most evil
of glares but apologises profusely for his poor timing before
leaving with an unpleasant shadow of guilt hanging above his head.
So we cut to the Kabin where Sally and Rita are conversing
about the former's future career in market trading. She is planning
to set up a permanent knicker stall and is having some kind of
meeting that very morning to finalise things. On top of this,
in the afternoon (busy girl!) she has an appointment with her
solicitor to "sort out custody once and for all... for the
gurrrls' sake" (ut oh - the battle for the gurrrrls begins
here!) which is perhaps a wee bit premature since, at the moment,
she is sharing a flat with Rita and thus wouldn't really have
the space for the kids anyway... At this point, Maxine walks into
the shop, humbly, and approaches the Wacky Webster Woman, offering
her sympathies regarding Gruesome Greg and apologising for "Being
a right cow" to Sally when she tried to warn of Blandford's
nastiness. The apology is accpeted and shortly after, Betty Turpin
walks in greeting everyone and asking Rita how Audrey is getting
on. Rita tells her that she's doing as well as can be expected
and, as both her and Betty would know: "You might live with
it, but you never get over it..."
Talentless Tilsley (or Nauseous Nick. Take your pick dependant
on the extremity of your dislike for him ;)) exits the House of
Elliot across the road with his wife, the Lovely Leanne. Ass Of
The Year, Les Battersby sees him from across the road and yells
stupidly "OI! WOT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?!" but Nick, under
Leanne's advice, ignores these shouts. Janice appears from behind
Les and tells him to shut up and "stop standing there with
your chest puffed out like a daft kid", although he insists
that Nick is a "grass" and deserves all he gets (well,
at least he's right about the 2nd part... ;))...
Over at the Cornershop, Fred walks in and exclaims to Ashley
"Much as it grieves me to stop you working, give that a rest
and come over here a second will you?"... Ashley obliges,
dutifully, but is somewhat surprised at what Fred has to say:
"It's about time we got back into the butchery trade",
begins the Human Foghorn, "Here, try this on for size"...
With that, he hands the poor lad a traditional British Butcher's
Hat to put on and, needless to say, Ashley is not best pleased!
"What would I wanna wear that for?" he laughs, soon
wishing he hadn't asked when Fred explains to him that he's opened
up a branch of Elliot's Meat Counters within the local Freshco
and has picked Ashley to be the Manager of it, whether he likes
it or not! Obviously, Prince Peacock debates this, claiming he's
quite happy where he is, managing the Cornershop, but he may as
well be talking to the wall as his Uninterested Uncle tells him
that he starts at the new Meat Counter first thing next week...
No buts!
Over the other side of Weatherfield, Alma pulls up outside
the Roberts' Household, only to find a devastated, spaced-out
Audrey standing in the driveway in her dressing gown, doing some
weeding (?)... She eventually snaps out of it and greets Alma
with a weak smile. She ruminates on how Alfeh's shovel is still
on the driveway and how she had told him a million times to shift
it, in the past (tho I'm sure in real life, a helpful thief would
have shifted it quite gladly)... Alma tells her that this is just
"typical of fellas" (!) and adds that they should go
inside before Audrey catches her death out here in nowt but a
dressing gown. The Weary Widow muses that "This house was
everything to me and Alfeh... But now he's not in it... it's just
a house..."
...And with that we cut to the Mallet Household, littered with
dirty nappies and general mess, the ghastly fallout of Double
Baby Warheads (the most lethal kind, I'm told!) being dropped
onto the premises. Jack and Vera Duckworth are there too, sitting
on the couch, playing with the kiddies, as Gary walks around picking
up said debris in a vain attempt to prepare for the next onslaught
of destruction. Judy tells the Duckies that names have at last
been picked and they've settled with William and Rebecca, which,
it goes without saying, is instantly shortened to "BILLY
AND BECKY!" by the inimitable Vee. Judy frowns at the abbreviation,
perhaps realising that the behbehs are doomed to suffer this alliterated
stigma for all eternity...
Meanwhile, Lady Hayley of Patterson, Sir Royston of Cropper
and Googly Eyes of Mad MacDonald (all wearing humourous hard-hats)
stand before the new scaffolding on Rosamund Street, surveying
it intently. Steve rabbits on about how great the site is ("A
prime location"), how quickly it can be ready ("But
I'll have to hire more men") and how he can build a cold
storage space at the back ("But it'll cost. Everything in
catering, I say, everything in catering costs." - Incidentally,
Simon Gregson *DID* do a spot-on John Savident impression for
that particular line)... Roy is sold hook line and sinker on this
but the look on Hayley's face suggests that she is somewhat more
skeptical of Steve's credibility...
Across the road, The Duckies get into a taxi, heading off to
Blackpool, just as Tyrone and Jackie Dobbs appear from out of
nowhere. Jack corners the Boy Tyrone and asks for a favour but
unfortunately the kid is ahead of him: "NO WAY!" he
splutters, "I'm not feeding them pigeons again!" but
when Jack offers him first a fiver, then a tenner, the misshapen
youth agrees to undertake the task... "You've got a right
little shark there!" harps Vera, referring to the lad's haggling
prowess... "I knooooow", coos Jackie Dobbs, "Don't
it make you proud?"
Meanwhile inside the pub, Janice, Alison and (Boooo hissss)
Linda Sykes sit around a table, having a lunchtime drink. Across
the other side of the bar, Kevin is having a pint with Gary Mallett
but doesn't seem to interested in the conversation at hand. Instead,
it seems, he wishes to make eyes at Alison from across the room,
a deed that doesn't go unreturned. The other girls tease poor
Alison and urge her to go over and say something to the Manic
Mechanic, but she's far too shy to do so. Meanwhile, Gary suggests
the same kind of thing to Kevin but he too is far too sheepish
to do anything more than flutter his eyelids at her... So we cut
across to Fred and Ashley sitting a booth, talking heatedly about
this new meat counter. Prince Peacock is unhappy that Fred didn't
consult him before planning this sudden job relocation but, of
course, the Burly Butcher swears up and down that this is all
for Ash's own good and "in the wider scheme of things",
it's a massive career progression. Needless to say, the weaker
arguement defeats the stronger and when Ashley protests "First
you tell me to stand up for myself then you trample all over me,
I don't know whether I'm coming or going!", Fred replies
"I'll sort that out right now for you... You're going!"...
Cue pouts.
As Alison leaves the pub and heads off down the road, she's
hotly pursued by Kevin who stops her with a smile. He explains
carefully that he "wasn't trying it on" with their New
Year's Display Of Affection but, although he was admittedly drunk,
that wasn't the only reason he kissed her. He wanted to do it
anyway. She tells him this feeling is mutual and a Nation goes
"awwwwwww". :) What a sweet couple!
END OF PART ONE
The adverts are naff. They open with a particularly duff one.
Some American chap with a voice like nails on a blackboard morphs
himself into a hammer to whack himself against the side of a car
again and again in order to prove it's integrity... My mind boggles
over this absurdity throughout the rest of the commercial break
and before I have chance to work out what it's all about, why
we're here and what the meaning of life is, we're back to Corrie
Street. :)
(Incidentally, for anyone following the adverts intently, Kate
Moss is *STILL* "at war with split ends", targetting
them with her posh shampoo and shooting them dead... For how many
more years are they going to keep repeating this awful advert???)
PART TWO
Ashley and Fred are still in the pub debating the benefits of
this move to Frescho and the Beefy Butcher is still winning, as
he admits that he's already found a replacement for Ashley to
take over at the Cornershop. He once more hands the ridiculous
butcher's hat to RAsh, who reluctantly accepts the silly headwear,
thus indicating the battle has been fought and lost. Ashley is
now officially to be the new manager of Elliot's Meat Counter
in Freshco... So we cut across to the other end of the pub, at
a table where Sir Royston sits, chatting with Googly Eyes MacDonald.
Googers is trying to sell Our Hero a new kitchen with all the
fittings and Roy is quite impressed by this. "Do you think
there's room for a flat upstairs too?" he asks and Steve
responds... "Roy, if you've got the cash we can put in a
luxury bathroom, indoor swimming pool, a sauna, the lot!"
and Sir R, missing the sarcasm, responds naively "No.. no..
I don't think that will be necessary" as we cut to Alma and
Gail, who are sitting in the booth that only a few seconds ago
was home to Fred and Ashley (both of whom had full pints!) ...
*** CONTINUITY ERROR ! CONTINUITY ERROR ! HIT THE DECK! *** There's
a very brief exchange between these two ladies as they discuss
the state of Audrey and both wish they could be of some more use
to the grieving widow. THEN SUDDENLY, Fred, who is now dressed
in full butcher's garb (!!) enters the pub (!!!!), carrying a
tray of sandwiches (!!!!!!) and takes them out back, under instruction
from Natalie! (COME ON, PRODUCTION! You could at least have inserted
a scene *outside* the pub to make this look a little less strange!)
... Fred asks Natalie if he can drop flyers around the pub to
advertise his new meat counter and a nearby Les Battersby suggests
that "A free pint with every pie" would be a great opening
offer! Nat tells the Boorish One to "shut up" just as
Leanne steps up to the bar and also gets a mouthful from Les about
her husband, Nick, who allegedly "stitched up our Greg"!
He then goes off on a tangent, saying that now that Alf's died,
Leanne and Nick probably stand to inherit something, being related
to him and all... (I'm sorry to say this, but Les makes less and
less sense with each episode that passes. He just launches into
the most bizarre, nonsenical and illogical tirades of venom about
anything and indeed everything with no prompt or reason! He is
fastly becoming one of the most tedious characters on the Street!)
Rita and Sally are now sitting at a table nearby (What is this?
Musical Chairs?) and Sally isn't happy with how her visit to the
Solicitors' Office went. They apparently told her (quite rightly)
that without a proper permanent residency she doesn't stand a
chance of getting child custody and this has somehow surprised
her (!)... Rita, meanwhile, is in another world, still thinking
about Alf and how his death has really struck a blow, especially
since it followed directly on from Alec walking on out her (and
indeed Weatherfield itself!)... As ever, Barbara Knox is convincing
as Rita in her evident grief as she laments on how her life has
suddenly been turned upside down.
Over at the Cafe, late night now, we are treated to a very
sweet scene in which Hayley (clad in the notorious six ft dressing
gown!) comes downstairs to find a troubled Roy mulling over some
paperwork. She sits down with him at a table and tells him that
she's concerned that he might be biting off more than he can chew
and warns him to be careful. "I'm worried that you're overdoing
it", she says softly, explaining "It's only because
I care about you"... Roy extends his hand across the table
and puts it over her's... "I know you do Hayley", he
says with great sincerity, "I'd never take that forgranted
and I appreciate your concern"... He then goes on to ask
her if she thinks that the proposed ground for the new Cafe is
too close to the Rovers for it's own good. The worried look on
her face indicates she doesn't have an answer for this just yet
or at least not one she wants to break to Roy.
So we cut over to the Rovers again (now post-closing time)
where all has gone deathly quiet. Only Natalie and Betty remain
inside and after a brief exchange of small-talk, Nat tells the
Mistress Of The HotPot to go home. As Betty disappears around
the back, Natalie takes a look out across the body of the pub,
smiles and turns off the light. Kudos to Denise Welch for managing
to scream out "IT'S ALL MINE! IT'S ALL MINE! HAHAHAHA!"
without actually opening her mouth or making a single sound. :)
We wrap things up over at Plattingham Palace: Gail returns
from Audrey's house and sinks into the armchair (the same armchair
that Alf *died* in, only a few days before, I should add... Yeuch!)...
Martin, who is sitting on the couch, is a tad distressed however
and when asked what's wrong, he explains it's Mr Millenium's insurance
policy. Apparently, Alfeh, being a bit of a cheapskate, took out
a cheaper policy than he perhaps should've and it expired at (get
this) midnight, December 31st, 1998... *BIG MASSIVE UNAVOIDABLE
GROAN*... Thus, it appears, since Alf wasn't pronounced dead until
(technically) January 1st 1999, Audrey can't collect a penny off
his life insurance. Dooh... *bad bad plotline alert*... Mercifully
cue credits!
***
So, aside from the cringeful 'twist in the tale' that was the
final scene and aside from the increasingly surreal nonsense spewing
forth from the mouth of Battersby, tonight's show was keeping
in the vein of the last few weeks and, thus, was rather impressive.
Nothing much happening in the way of high (read: Overblown) action,
just some nice exchanges of dialogue, a bit of character development
and a pleasant peek into the residents of The Nation's favourite
Street. Written by Stephen Bennett, with a few nice lines here
and there, reminding me I could really get used to this *character-driven*
drama rather than the rather dire way things seemed to be heading
a month or so ago where beatings, drug dealings, murders and illicit
sex were the order of the day.
Nice stuff... And with that late update out of the way, let's
move on to next week's.............. :)
The Rattler
This Update was sponsored by Squarepusher
(what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (what I was drinking...)
Wednesday 6 January
Well, it's my first update of the New Year, and a
good funeral to kick it off with! How did your New Year go? Mine
wasn't at all bad and things seem to have got off to a flying
start in 1999 with the possibility of Romance in the air - a
transatlantic correspondence that's been going on slowly for
a few months has blossomed in the last few days into a flurry
of romantic emails. My feet are barely touching the ground, though
I'm counting on nothing, as there is something crucial I haven't
told the young man yet.
And talking of Romance, I did hear on the Quaker grapevine
(it exists you know) that a CS researcher has been making enquiries
at Friends House and elsewhere about "alternative"
marriage procedures and ceremonies of commitment - usually adopted
by people who are otherwise prevented from marrying legally.
Now, I wonder who this could apply to, thinking of getting spliced
in the coming year?
Anyway, back to funerals. They are such gifts to a
show, aren't they? Better than weddings, because they allow so
much more scope for bitchiness. Not least because we get to see
how well or otherwise various people look in black. Most of us,
I suppose, like to think we look good in black, but it's not
all that many who can really carry it off.
Black doesn't become Gail, for example, who is putting
the finishing touches to her outfit as Martin arrives, having
presumably collected Sarah and David, here making one of their
rare appearances, from school as they are wearing their school
uniforms. Gail clearly has something delicate on her mind, as
she immediately resorts to the old Webster trick of sending the
children upstairs to wash their faces and hands. Though David
needs some reassurance, he's worried that he will have to look
at Granddad's dead body - but Gail puts him right, it will only
be a wooden coffin. But, one wonders, how can they tell the difference?
Gail's concern is evident once the children are out
of the way - Audrey hasn't mentioned the insurance, but what will
Martin do if she asks him? Gail is keen that Martin shouldn't
tell her anything until after the funeral as "there's no
telling what she might do".
Janice, Linda and Alison are whiling away their lunchbreak
in the Rovers - they aren't going to the funeral, which is a shame
because I'm sure Alison would look stunning in black, though her
dark clothes give a pretty good suggestion of this. "It's
some old bloke called Alf Roberts - he's only Nick's granddad,
you know, whose married to our Leanne". Janice should be
going to the funeral, but she isn't, "because Nick's dad,
e tried to poison our Les while e were in ospital".
Linda doesn't care who's dead so long as it gets Baldwin
off her back for an afternoon.
Leanne rushes up to them, in black and looking pretty
good. Has Janice got a black scarf she can borrow? Because Nick
says none of the one's she's got are right for a funeral. Janice
and Leanne leave to look for one.
I'd love to say Natalie looked great in black but she
looks washed out too, behind the bar with Lorraine. Lorraine,
as ever, is concerned for Natalie's well-being, but she's "not
going to curl up into a ball every time somebody mentions the
word funeral'". At least this time all she has to worry about
is the catering, and right on cue, Betty appears to tell her the
food's all ready and just needs bringing through.
Rita enters the bar with a sheepish-looking Sally in
tow, and orders drinks for the two of them. Turning to offscreen,
right, she asks if whoever it is has seen anything of Audrey.
It turns out to be Alma, sitting at the bar with Mike. (Alma is
not wearing black for the funeral, though I'm sure she'd look
splendid if she did. Mike is in grey and looks like, well, Mike).
Sally wonders if Audrey had seen Alf's death coming, as he had
been in poor health for some time, so Rita becomes philosophical;
she doesn't think anybody ever sees it coming. This is Mike's
cue for a characteristically tasteless jibe: "Well, she didn't
see much of him, did she, she was in here five nights of the week
boozing with Fred Elliot!". Alma, Rita and Sally are thoroughly
embarrassed by this outburst. "Well, it's true!" protests
Mike. Whereupon Rita turns on the prim schoolma'am: "True
or not, ay don't think we need remaynding of it today!"
Les Battersby sits in his accustomed position in the
armchair, with newspaper, as Janice comes downstairs clutching
a sober grey scarf that will do for Leanne. Les has to be in on
the act, so he remarks "So there's going to be food in the
Rovers, eh?" Leanne impatiently points out that the food
is only for them that's been to t'funeral, provoking a witticism
from Les in his usual exquisite good taste: "Oh well, I'll
have Alf's then, he won't be wanting it". Les thinks this
is very funny, but all it earns him from the two women is withering
looks.
Leanne's departure reminds Les that he is suffering
from attention deficit again, so he climbs on his hobby-horse.
He supposes that "Florence" will be at the funeral,
still on his paid leave. "There's justice for you,"
he asserts, "a feller tries to kill yer, and they pay him
for stopping off work". Janice, whom one feels has not entirely
believed Les up till now, starts to think he might just be serious,
but wonders why, if this is the case, that the police haven't
been involved. Les has to think about this for some time, the
cogs in his brain are rusty, but his face lights up as he finds
an explanation. "Maybe it's because of im they're burying!"
he exclaims excitedly, implying a corrupt relationship between
Alderperson Roberts and the Chief Constable (presumably they are
masons). The trouble for me in this scenario, which I find stretches
credulity, is that Janice appears to believe Les. "But that's
awful!" she says, horrified. Well, reflects Les, that's justice,
the world's full of it. And he reclines once more into smug satisfaction.
Audrey is at home, playing the family matriarch to
an assortment of Platts. "We're all going to say goodbye
to Granddad aren't we?" she says condescendingly, and they
assent without enthusiasm before being dispatched to the kitchen
to find a biscuit. More Websterism - there must be delicate matters
to be raised and sure enough, Audrey has had a letter from the
insurance company, and would Martin have a look at it because
she doesn't understand it and surely there's some mistake. Martin
goes wearily to have a look at the letter, he's going to have
to put up with a lot of this tonight. But Audrey tries to rally
herself and the family, she wants them all together because, heart-rendingly,
"we were a family weren't we?". She, of course, is trying
to convince herself as much as anybody, there's a lot of guilt
in her. She's sorry for not giving Gail a father to begin with
- but she found one eventually didn't she? "He was a good
man - one you could rely on".
In the corner shop, Ashley is confiding his troubles
in Maude. "Why doesn't he ask me what I want instead of what
he thinks best?". Maude is ready to soothe things. "Because
that's the way he is - though he might not be right on the odd
occasion".
Right on cue, he' comes blundering in. "RIGHT,
ARE WE READY THEN?" Maude, who isn't glamorous but looks
terrific in black - and Canadian readers will want to know that
she wore her silver maple-leaf brooch to the funeral, and very
stylish it looks, has been ready for the last hour. Ashley isn't
ready at all, he's tied to the shop for the afternoon (when I
were a lass oop North, corner shops closed for funerals!). "WELL
COME ON WE DON'T WANT TO KEEP ALF WAITING". Ashley is still
thinking about what Fred had said and tells him so in an attempt
to be defiant. "NOWT TO THINK ABOUT, YOU START NEXT WEEK".
Ashley can only look on, defeated.
Nick and Leanne finally arrive at Audrey's, having
been held up in traffic, so the funeral party is full assembled.
The coffin has already arrived. "This is the hard bit"
says Gail. "I know," says Audrey, "I've got to
do it without him". The children - still in their school
uniforms (why?), are dispatched with Nick and Leanne so that Audrey
can fret some more about her letter. Gail tries to defer discussion
until after the funeral but Audrey is adamant, she wants to know
there and then. Martin, reluctantly, has to admit that her fears
are well-founded - she probably won't get anything. Audrey almost
breaks down, but rallies herself in time for the funeral. We find
ourselves inside the church, or is it the cathedral, which would
be an appropriate place for a civic funeral service if Weatherfield
has one. Some kind soul will no doubt be able to tell us where
this was filmed, it is certainly a splendid Victorian interior
anyway. The focus is on a pew in which Rita and Betty are reminiscing
about Alf while Sally sits uncomfortably, eyes fixed ahead of
her. Kevin, who looks rather good in his dark suit and black tie
(and I'd love to see him in a dinner jacket) approaches Sally.
Can she pick up the girls from school so he can finish his work
afterwards? Rita, perhaps trying to patch up the Webster marriage,
suggests that they can all budge up to let Kevin in, but Kevin
declines, and goes off to sit at the back.
As we watch him do so, he passes the civic dignitaries,
in chains of office, making their way up the aisle, and then we
pan across to the other side of the church, where Blanche and
Deirdre sit with Ken and Emily in front of them. The exchange
of stage whispers which follows is worth recording verbatim:
Blanche: "Who do they think they are?"
Deirdre (hissing): "It's the mayor and mayoress!"
Blanche: "Well you know my opinion of politicians,
all in it for what they can get!"
[Ken and Emily are playing out an elaborate pantomime
of pretending not to hear]
Deirdre: "Even Alf?" Blanche: "Especially
Alf! When you look how he started, and what he ended up with"
[She grabs Ken's shoulder] "You'll agree with me won't you
Kenneth, I mean, you're a Socialist"
Ken (irritated, without looking round): "I'm
just an old friend of Alf's as far as today is concerned".
Emily (primly): "Which is what I hope we all
are!"
At the back, on the other side, sit Maude, a grim-looking
Fred, Alma and Mike. Mike is still dressed in unfunereal light
grey and feeling decidedly frisky. Perhaps it's the rather striking
dark-haired young lady in the pew in front that's making him frisky,
we shall never know, or even know who she is, I expect. Leaning
across Alma, he instructs Fred to behave himself, "no trying
to get off with the widow!", and is rewarded with one of
those looks that Fred keeps in his deep freezer for occasions
such as this. "I shall ignore that remark!" he retorts.
Maude will have none of it. "Well I shalln't! Show some respect
can't you? This is a church, not an alehouse!". Perhaps to
distract him, Alma asks Mike if he's switched his mobile phone
off. Yes, of course he has! He insists, but pulls it out anyway
to switch it off.
All rise. Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come!
The service continues...
Judy Mallett isn't wearing black, though she is yet
another who would look well if she did. Gary is sitting, looking
very pleased with life and holding both twins (but WHY, I want
to know, have they been given dummies, I hate the things. And
anyway, isn't ten days a bit young for dummies?) She's decided
she's too late for the funeral, and she's so tired she'd fall
asleep half way through. There's too much to do even to go to
the cemetery. "Well," she says, "if Alf's watching,
he'll know there's two very good reasons why she can't".
And aren't those twins gorgeous!
Outside the church it's raining heavily, the pathetic
fallacy is being laid on thick. "SQUARE AS THEY COME WERE
ALF", remarks Fred to Audrey. The Mayor and Mayoress approach
Audrey with the council's official condolences to Cllr Roberts,
and there's an extra surprise for her too. Alf was Mr Millennium,
and very proud he was too. Would Audrey like to inherit the title?
You bet she would! And as for Fred, why that grin will split his
face in too if he's not careful, as he takes Audrey's shoulders
in his meaty and proprietorial hands.
Deirdre, Ken and Emily are exchanging reminiscences
of Alf as they walk down the path accompanied by Blanche, who
has other thoughts which she feels she needs to share. "That's
because he wanted your vote - and your money!". "Oh
do shut up!" snaps Deirdre, shocking the others. "Well,
I'm sorry, but there are limits!". "Huh," says
Blanche huffily, "don't worry - you don't want to listen
to me, you don't have to. I'll pack the minute I get back."
Of she flounces, and Deirdre's sense of relief is palpable. "Ooh
she's driving me mad!"
Audrey can't take her mind of the insurance. She's
wondering out loud to Martin and Gail how long Alf had been dead
before he was noticed. Gail tries once again to put her off till
after the funeral is over, but she's still adamant. "Everybody
keeps telling me my life must go on - and you know, I'm just beginning
to wonder just how". Gail and Martin look at each other,
exasperated.
I N T E R M I S S I O N
Christmas being over, there's a dearth of ads so we
get a trailer for "Heartbeat", featuring the inimitable
Aretha Franklin singing "I say a little prayer". Quite
made the ad break for me!
We're in the Rovers for the send-off. In one alcove,
Mike, Alma, Audrey and Rita are sitting. Audrey apologises on
behalf of the Mayor, who apparently would have joined them but
he had another funeral to attend - the councillors and ex-councillors
of Weatherfield must be dropping like flies. This other funeral
is however, as Mike is quick to point out, to be followed with
a meal afterwards at the golf club. Rita points out that the pub
is what Alf would have wanted, presumably being a skinflint. Audrey
takes her opportunity to preen about being Mrs Millennium, walking
straight into a Mike jibe - "Mrs Millennium makes you sound
a thousand years old!". This is not what Audrey wants to
hear.
At the bar, Martin is wondering if Audrey has forgiven
Alf yet for the insurance policy. She seems to have perked up
at the cemetery anyway, apparently she was the star there.
Deirdre is sounding off to Ken, Emily and Betty, she's
not shedding any tears about her mother going. There is some muttering
about how somebody had to shut her up. But Blanche has had other
ideas - here she comes now. "Oh no!" says Deirdre. Betty
thinks it's politic to leave at this point. What she actually
says is "Anyway, I'm going to drop in and see, er, Judy,
and have a look at those little babies".
Blanche has gone circumspectly to the bar to order
her large vodka and tonic and to ask Natalie if her daughter is
looking at her. Well, anyway, she has as much right to be in there
as anybody.
Maude and Fred are discussing the Ashley problem. Maude
thinks that deep down he wants to go to the new job, but he's
just like his uncle Fred, an obstinate so-and-so, and doesn't
like being shouted at. Fred booms out, spattering crumbs everywhere
from his full mouth "OH I'VE GOT TO TALK NICELY TO IM AVE
I? NEVER MIND I'M IS EMPLOYER AND I'M PAYING IM!". But Maude
points out that Fred doesn't pay him a lot and at least he might
try talking nicely to him, just to see what he says.
Audrey comes over to their table. Fred's mouth is still
crammed full as he greets her eagerly. Audrey is fretting again,
she asks Fred exactly when Alf died. Fred assumes this is because
she's blaming herself for not doing enough to save him.
At the bar, a drunken Les is buttering up Jackie with
some homely philosophy. "Funerals! They remind you of how
short life is don't they?" Jackie, squirming away from him,
reminds him that he used that line at the last funeral and it
won't wash any more. Thanks for the drinks, but it's home time.
"See yer next funeral!" are her parting words.
Natalie, looks thoughtful, or perhaps depressed. Busy
Lorraine is, as ever, concerned for her. But yes, she is thinking
about Des, she does that all the time, not just because of today.
But what she was really thinking of was redecorating the pub.
Her thoughts are broken by Les, slurring out an order
for a large whisky. Disappointed at being dumped by Jackie, he
tries it on Natalie, telling her how good she looks. That won't
work today either: "Thanks love, that's because you're drunk".
Being as she's in a good mood she'll let him have just one more.
It's just not Les's day, his face shows it.
Maude and Fred have returned to the corner shop, so
that Maude can relieve Ashley for a break. "How was the funeral?"
asks Ashley. "They'll all all right, so long as they're not
your own" reflects Maude, and you can't argue with that,
after all you miss all the fun at your own.
Fred is determined to try being nicer to Ashley. He
does this by adopting the stance of a Dickensian beadle, his face
shining with fake benevolence and his big silly grin showing his
sharp and glistening teeth. "NOW THEN OUR ASHLEY, HOW ARE
YOU?". Ashley is on his guard immediately. "What's that
supposed to mean?" he asks, defensively. It gets worse. Fred
is just showing concern, he's not just Ashley's employer, he's
also his uncle, and more importantly, his friend! And is Ashley
grateful? Not a bit of it. "Have you been boozing?"
he wants to know. So much for talking nicely - Fred looks daggers
at Maude, who takes over trying to defuse this rather ugly situation.
She tries her best to persuade Ashley that the butchers job is
the best thing for him, and it will get him out of the shop. And
he needn't worry about leaving her on her own because she's sure
Fred will get somebody in to help her.
This last does not please Fred one bit. "OH JUST
GIVE ME ORDERS, I'M ONLY T'EMPLOYER!"
"And you can always come back if you want to",
says Maude to Ashley.
Fred is even less pleased. "OH CAN E!". But
all this gets him is a glare and a sharp "Aye!" from
Maude, you turns once more to Ashley and asks him what he thinks.
There's a long pause, and then "Yeah, well, all right then!".
"WONDERFUL!" exclaims Fred, triumphantly,
"SO START NEXT WEEK!". He turns to leave, but fires
a final shot from the door: "AND DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING
ANY MORE MONEY COS YOU'RE NOT!"
Back in the Rovers, Blanche has decided to reintroduce
herself to the circle. She's decided magnanimously to forgive
Deirdre. "We know what she's like Ken don't we, says things
one day, regrets them the next". Deirdre has had enough.
Ken thinks everybody's like that. "Oh, not quite everybody,
there is one person who never seems to regret anything".
And now it's Deirdre's turn to flounce off. "Who's that?"
asks a mystified Blanche.
At the Mallett's, Betty has been making a big fuss
of the twins and is now just off. She understands perfectly why
Judy has missed the funeral. As she goes, a very tired-looking
Judy and Gary, nursing a twin apiece, snuggle up on the sofa.
But peace is to be denied them as a commotion heralds the entry
of Emily, Ken and Blanche.
It's the end of the shift at Underworld, Linda and
Alison emerge into the darkness giggling. Linda spots Kevin closing
up the garage. "Hey, it's your boyfriend!" says Linda
to Alison. The latter protests but the stars in her eyes give
her away. "No but you'd like him to be!" says Linda,
suggesting that Alison find a pretext to go over and talk to him.
They are thwarted by the emergence of Sally from the Webster house;
she goes to Kevin and tells him she's picked up the girls from
school as he asked. This throws a damper on things as it now appears
to Linda and especially Alison that the Websters are not as split
as they thought they were. As they walk off disconsolately into
the darkness, Kevin looks after them. Alison turns and their eyes
meet. A soft and gentle smile plays across Kevin's lips - love
becomes him! Clearly Kevin has relinquished his position as President
of the Bitter and Twisted Club of Great Britain (Weatherfield
Chapter) - no doubt Ashley is about to step into his shoes. But
Sally is now stranded, and serves her right if you ask me.
Janice arrives home from work to find Les slumped in
his armchair. She panics. But he's only drunk. Still, it gets
her worrying about Martin, and the long term effects of the incident.
Les remembers that he seems to be sleeping more in the daytime
than he used to - and that can't be anything to do with being
drunk, can it! Perhaps, suggests Janice, he ought to go to the
doctors. Well, a cup of tea will do for now. On her way to the
kitchen, Janice stops to observe that if Les had died, Martin
would now be locked up facing a murder charge. "You expect
these things to appen abroad, but you don't expect them to happen
on your own doorstep."
Audrey is at home with Martin and Gail, still fretting.
"Don't let it spoil your memories of him" advises Gail.
Audrey reflects; "All my memories of him are of him trying
to save money. What's that saying, you can't take it with you?
Perhaps I should have gone through his pockets because I bet he
tried!". Gail reminds her that it was because Alf was so
careful with money that he has the house and the salon.
Janice brings Les his cup of tea. She's been thinking
about what he said, about t'police, and Alf. Les is trying to
drop this as he feels himself getting out of his depth, but Janice
persists, she's going to the police. She doesn't care about compensation,
she wants justice. She's halfway out of the door when Les desperately
tries to stop her. "You'll land me in jail if you do!"
he yells. It's Martin that Janice wants to see in jail. But Les
now feels it's time to save his skin and confess - he thought
it was best kept to himself - but Martin never gave him them pills,
he helped himself.
"YER WHAT?" demands a horrified Janice.
And that's yer lot.
Wonderful! A peach of an episode! Well done Peter
Whalley for the super script with so many brilliant one-liners.
And now it's award time. Shall it go to Sue Nicholls,
for a very good performance as the widow with something nagging
at her mind? Or to Maggie Jones for a super cameo as a waspish
Blanche? A tricky one. But let's look at who didn't hit anybody,
didn't whinge, wasn't bitchy, was totally believable in role,
and looked utterly delightful.
Yes, this week's award goes jointly to Megan Foster
and Lewis Ablatt for their portrayals of Rebecca and William
Mallett, and may we see many more of them!
Pip pip!
Rosalind
Friday 8 January
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
Back to school for Trude, back to college for Simon.
Trude started her new job, with the first two days of the week
set aside for inset training. This gave her a chance to get to
know her new colleagues. It looks as is they are a pretty good
bunch, mainly at the younger end, with a lively sense of humour.
This was evidenced by her getting her coffee in a dinosaur mug
- purely coincidental with her 51st birthday this coming Saturday!!!
Hahahahah!! The class she has taken over - 7 and 8 year olds
- had 10 different teachers last term and are in desperate need
of continuity and stability, so she will be looking after them
both for the remainder of this year and the next academic year
again. When she told them that this would be the situation, many
couldn't get their heads around this. A joy to see her being
able to run her own show again, rather than playing second fiddle
in a support role.
Si is back at college and it's GCE "A" level
mock exams this coming week. Very much a crunch time for him
and, no doubt, the next few weeks are going to be taken up evaluating
university/college offers.
This weekend is Trude's birthday - she knows there
is a surprise in store, but not what it is. we are actually going
for a weekend in London, combining it with an impromptu micro-ping
for a good IRC pal of mine, Jubblyjub. Jackie - originally a
Londoner, who has lived in Canada and, more recently, in Australia
- is coming back to the UK from Queensland, following the death
of her nan, so it'll be a real pleasure to meet up with her and
some of the crowd on the #coro_street channel and the Guest Book.
On the channel, the last week or so has seen some
nice atmosphere in the form of recorded "Happy New Year"
messages being passed around. Elaine in Australia had the wonderful
idea of putting these together into a group #coro_street wave.
A number of us were involved in the process, the whole thing
very nicely rounded off by dear Annie, who mixed in the Coronation
Street theme. A real nice effort, very much the epitome of what
#coro_street is all about - the bonus is at the end with a message
from a very special friend. To hear the greeting, point your
browser at http://www.prosper.demon.co.uk/corrie/internet/hny99.htm
- thanks and love to all involved. Enjoy!!!!
The episode commences at Battersby Battlements. It's
breakfast time. The brown sauce is on the table, there's a big
fry up on the plate. Bang! Janice slams down on the table a bottle
of red top milk, which she has just brought in. She is in a pretty
foul mood. It doesn't help when Les complains he could have choked.
Not to worry, she replies, she could always have dragged Martin
Platt in from across the road, he's a nurse but he doesn't have
a job any more, thanks to Les. But Les isn't bothered - according
to him, Martin was no good at it anyway, he's done him a favour,
maybe he'll now be able to get a job to which he is more suited,
like selling double glazing. Janice is furious, he has some nerve
- there she was, worried out of her mind, that something might
happen to Les, all the time there was nothing wrong with him.
Les reminds her that he very nearly died, but she reminds him
of the other half of the story - it was his own stupid fault,
now he's daft enough to think he can get away with blaming somebody
else. When he asks who is going to stop him, her reply is that
he is looking at that person. He cannot believe she would do it,
but she tells him in no uncertain terms that he needs an injection
of reality and that folk like them do not get away with things
like this - only because they are not bold enough to take on the
system. There is nothing wrong with the system, she tells him,
but his mind is focused on the £1/4 million which they stand
to get. "Oh no, we won't" she tells him, "because
I'm having nowt to do with this." With that, she storms out
of he house, slamming the door behind her. Les cannot believe
that she is taking this stance but very quickly has to cover up,
as Toyah has come down the stairs, enquiring what is going on.
"Nothing, petal" he bluffs, but she has seen his mood
and probes further. He makes out that he is worried about her
mother going out to work, while he is the head of the house. ROTFL
- this produces a predictable reaction of disbelief from Toyah,
who tells him she KNOWS he is up to something.
Over at the Platts, Audrey is in mourning following
the death of her husband. Over the breakfast table, Gail tells
her that there is no point dwelling over the timing of Alf's death
- it's not going to change anything. In any case, she continues,
it's not all bad news. Audrey cannot quite see it that way and
asks Gail to remind her of the good bits, after all, it's no fun
being left practically penniless. Gail and Martin try to get Audrey
to concentrate on the positives, there is the house, the estate,
and she is going to be beneficiary. Poor Audrey is not in a good
frame of mind and says that, with her luck, the house will probably
be double-mortgaged and that somewhere along the line, there is
a little maiden aunt who will contest the will.
Nick has come down the stairs and overheard their conversation.
When he realises they are talking about his granddad, he goes
off all upset. Martin, Gail and Audrey recognise that, it's not
just them who are grieving, Nick has lost his granddad. Gail goes
to comfort Nick. While all this is going on, Martin has been opening
his post - a dismayed groan precedes the announcement "Oh,
great!!!!! Platt vs. Battersby - next week." The tribunal
hearing is all they need, as is evident from their reactions -
sometimes it never stops raining.
At Fred's Emporium, Gary has popped in for some choccie
supplies to keep the energy levels going - they are more enjoyable
than matchsticks anyway, surely. Enter Fred with Customer Care
hat on. "Hallo, hallo, the new father.... And how's little
Bill and Ben?" he asks. "Becky" corrects Maud.
"And how's the lady wife?" he continues. Getting used
to the lack of sleep, replies Gary. "That's the spirit, all
hands t'deck, heh?" he continues, face beaming. Maud isn't
smiling at all - she is on her own in the shop and could do with
some help. Fred informs her that it's all hand.
At that point, Scouse Slagette has entered the shop
- she quickly gets whiff of a possible job vacancy and informs
him that she's a dab hand at the till. Fred isn't impressed and
tells her in no uncertain terms that he wants someone to put money
in, not take money out!!!! Yeaouch!!! Gary chuckles and this time,
it's Jackie's turn not to be amused.
Steve has come into the shop, just behind Jackie -
work is piling up and Steve is very short-handed, so he wonders
when Gary was thinking of coming back to work. Gary is non-committal,
probably not being able to see further than the nearest matchstick,
he'll have to talk to Judy. Steve continues to press for an answer,
everyone is on bonus and there's overtime. "Little Bill and
Ben won't thank you if you've got no money to give 'em" booms
RFred - "it's William and Rebecca" corrects Gary. "Becky
is a lovely name" muses Maud - "it's not Becky"
insists Gary, "it's Rebecca." Fred reminds Gary that
"Rebecca or Becky, Bill or William, it's your role to put
bread on t'table." Gary cannot disagree with this train of
thought, especially as they get child benefit at a reduced rate.
He goes on to explain how they get full benefit for the first
child but a reduced amount for the second, it's not as if they
don't eat as much or use as many nappies. That's disgusting"
opines a shocked Maud. (Mebbe luv, but my mam never got any when
I were a lad, in those days the rules meant that no benefit was
payable for the first child, it only commenced for subsequent
children - mind you, we had it tough. We prayed for a cardboard
box in which to live - you tell that to the kids of today and
they don't believe you :) ..) As Fred has provided Steve with
his close, Slimeball moves in for the kill, "so I can count
you in then, mate, can I?" Gary is still not sure, but when
Slimeball plays the ace "she'll need the cash", he caves
in, much to Steve's delight.
After he has left the shop, Maud points out to Fred
that now he has sorted out Steve's problem, how about hers? He
tells her not to worry, he has had words with WARTS colleagues
and is expecting someone this afternoon, who comes highly recommended.
Maud ain't impressed.
At Roy's Rolls, the door opens to reveal something
being wheeled in on a trolley. It's a bulky package and it's all
wrapped up. Gail doesn't have a clue what it is, but Roy clearly
does - he has omitted to tell her but it appears he has had first
refusal on a second hand Espresso machine - "and cappuccino,
I believe they're very popular." Gail looks at him as if
he has landed from another planet. He has got this from a friend
of Toyah's father's, he tells her. "You don't mean Charlie
West?" asks Gail. Our naïve proprietor admits this is
the case, "I do, as it happens - do you know him?" Gail
is cynical - so this is the piece of equipment which is going
to change their fortunes, she asks? Roy thinks it could be very
popular among those who have holidayed abroad, after all they
are increasingly converging with Europe these days, "I think
we should be more open to our continental neighbours... in my
view." (reminds you of the phrase 'and the meek shall inherit
the earth... if that's alright with you'). Gail's response is
plain and simple, "you master it and show me how it works"
- a slightly perplexed Roy responds "it can't be that difficult"
(said he, hopefully).
Nick is being consoled by Audrey - when you are young,
you assume people will go forever and that's how Nick has viewed
Uncle Alf. He's upset and wonders, in view of what he has heard
about the insurance policy, whether Alf was a skinflint - no,
"it's the silly old insurance company's fault, if anything",
replies Audrey, "what's a couple of minutes here and there,
anyway?" Quite a lot, if it stops them paying out, comments
Martin. Audrey is now looking to probe regarding the timing of
Alf's death and asks Nick whether he is sure granddad was still
alive after midnight. Nick is riddled with guilt - he is sure
of Alf being alive, but not on the timing. No, he was not twitching,
he was waving - what if Uncle Alf knew something was wrong and
was trying to attract attention, yet all Nick had done was to
wave back. He breaks down in tears and Audrey tries, again, to
reassure him - Alf would have gone happy knowing that everyone
was having a good time. Martin suggests it might be an idea if
she had a word with the insurance company, in fact, if she does
it this afternoon, he'll come with her. "Right, you're on!
I'll show them what a difference a couple of minutes can make.....",
she replies in a determined manner. Turning to Nick, she adds
" a couple of minutes with me....", laughing, in an
attempt to chivvy Nick out of his grief.
Back at the café, the Espresso machine has been
installed and Roy is meticulously pouring out a cuppa. Enter Hayley,
who is pleased to see it installed, "Hey!! Roy!!! That looks
smart!!! Have you got it going?", she asks enthusiastically.
"Well, not as such" replies Roy (you mean "No"),
admitting he might need some help, apparently there are some teething
troubles. Gail comes on as the Company Comedian, "Teething?
The thing's so old it's got dentures." Boom-boom!! It appears
it has arrived with instructions - but, wait for it - they are
in Italian. He picks up the booklet and starts reading the instructions
laboriously in Italian, as if he understands the drift. Our Hayley,
however, is quick on the uptake - "check the gasket"
it means.
Roy continues "Ce la non lavatrice" (pronouncing
it "la-va-tress"). Hayley - "Lavatrice?" (pronouncing
it "la-va-tri-che"). R - "Si." H - "You
said 'lavatrice'?" R - "Si." Gail "Is that
important?" H - "I think it might be, yeah. 'Lavatrice'
is Italian for washing machine - I think you've got the wrong
manual!" ...pause... G, knowingly looking at Roy - "See!!!"
Roy silently looks crestfallen, firstly at Gail, then at Hayley.
Awwwwww. (Wonderful stuff!!!! ROTFL!!)
At Battersby Battlements, Janice comes in through the
door, for lunch. In the background, the radio is playing Helen
Shapiro's 1962 hit "Let's Talk About Love" - now that's
a change, having significant music from the wrinkly era. The table
is set, knives, forks, salt, pepper, sauce, flowers in a vase.....
flowers in a vase?? This is serious crawling we are talking about
here. The look on Janice's face, tells you she has rumbled what's
going on, though. From the back comes Le Patron, Les, serving
towel over his arm, to announce "There you are, my love.
Sit yourself down. Lunch is served." (Steady Les, subtlety
is the name of the game here, surely?) She's having none of it,
she tells him that she is not getting involved in his little scam.
He pleads that the hearing is on Monday, two more days and they
are going to be sitting on a fortune, everything they've always
wanted - he begs her to just go with it for two more days, then
he'll take her on that romantic weekend to Paris. "No way"
is her resolute answer - he's not bright enough, she tells him,
he'll be sent down for fraud and she's not coming with him. With
that, she storms out, with Les trying to tell her, he has done
her favourite meal, scampi and chips. "Keep it, I'm going
t'Rovers for me dinner" she replies - on her way out, she
meets Toyah coming in.
Toyah has sussed that Janice is no happy bunny and
asks what is going on. Seeing Les grabbing the flowers out of
the vase and running after Janice, she adds "you ARE up to
something."
Out in the street, Janice practically knocks down Jackie
who is walking past. Jackie's "Hiya Queen" greeting
meets with a curt "Bog Off!!" A second or two later,
we see Les rushing out of the house chasing after Janice and calling
her name, but Janice is ignoring him.
Jackie sees Alma coming around the corner and is pleased
to see her - Alma's face tells a different story. Having ascertained
that Alma is going to the Rovers, Slagette says "Good. We
need to talk, Alma. There's a problem with Baldy.. " "Curly"
corrects Alma. It appears that he's not been paying the mortgage
and if they don't make a payment soon, they are going to repossess
his house. Alma sighs in frustration....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end
of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences in the Rovers. Les
is telling Janice he knows he should have told her earlier, but
he couldn't, the less people that knew about the truth the greater
his chances of getting away with it, and anyway, he wanted to
spare her the worry. "What do you think I have been doing?"
replies an angry Janice. "That's different", says Les,
"you were worrying whether I was going to pop me clogs or
not. I mean real worrying. like worrying about what you were going
to do with more dosh than you've ever dreamed of." And when,
exactly was he going to tell her the truth, she asks? "When
it was all over, honest!" is his reply.
Jackie is sitting behind Janice - she catches Les'
eye and waves to him. He nods in acknowledgement. Unfortunately
for him, his gesture is noted by Janice, who is not best pleased.
He maintains he was just being polite to Janice. "Think about
it", he pleads, "April in Paris." "I'll think
about it!" is Janice's angry response, as she gets up, picks
up the flowers and storms out of the pub.
Jackie makes the mistake of trying of a friendly "ta
ta, now" to Janice , which is returned with a glare. As Janice
leaves the pub, Jackie winks at Les, who winks back.
Alma is reading the letter from the Building Society
that Jackie has given her. Oh, Curly!" Obviously not a happy
position. Alma tells Jackie she still doesn't think that she had
any right to open Curly's mail, but Slagette has an excuse for
everything. "I never. It was our Tyrone. He thought it was
a subscription to the Reader's Digest." (ROTFL!!! Yeah, right,
a big boy did it and ran away!!) Slagette has an idea, "you
put us in there as tenants and we pay the rent - well, the Social
- anyway, we pay the rent, you use it to pay the mortgage, that
way the house is protected, the Building Society's happy, everyone's
buzzin', what d'ya say, kid?" Alma decides to think about
it.
At Roy's Rolls, said proprietor is wresting with one
Espresso machine. Gail is in smirk-mode, revelling is his frustration
(doncha just wanna smack people round the gob, when they're like
that?). He picks up the manual, has a look at it, another look
at the machine and applies a technical adjustment, well, actually,
he thumps the machine. It responds by making a reverberating noise.
Meanwhile, at Mallett Mansions, proud parents have
put t'behbehs to bed - fingers crossed!!! Judeh is telling Gareh
that it's so good to have him at home - the thing is, she could
get used to it. Gareh is trying to play it canny and goes into
a Muppets "Stattler and Waldorf " routine. "No
hurry, eh?" he says in his best Canadian accent :). But they
need the cash, says RJudeh. Mebbe I should go back to work, replies
Gareh. "Yeah, but there's no immediate hurry, is there?"
responds Judeh. "No.... how about Monday?" asks Gareh.
He explains how he bumped into Steve, who is short-handed. This
comes as a shock for Judeh, it's all a bit sudden. Gareh's enquiry
as to whether Judeh will be alright is met with a response of
"I suppose I'll have to be."
At the Rovers, Roy has come in, a problem weighing
on his mind. "Just the man" he says, bumping into Steve.
He explains how he's bought this cappuccino machine, but the plumbing
might be a bit beyond him, can he help? ("No!!! Don't ask
him!!" the nation cries, but we don't yet have Interactive
Corrie, so our pleas go unheard.) Slimeball can do that, no problem,
he'll just get his tools. He spots the opportunity for a sales
pitch and enquires where Roy is up to regarding the new place....
Apparently the demand is great, "they're going like hot cakes",
he tells Roy (pretty appropriate for a café - LOL!!!).
At the back, some decorators have been to have a look
at the upstairs flat. Natalie is showing them out and tells them
she will be in touch. "Throwing good money after bad"
offers Betty. "Excuse me, Betty, but who's living here?"
is Nat's response as she puts her marker down. Betty's face says
"well that told me!"
Back round the front of the bar, Kevin has come in.
He sees Alison, sitting on her own. She is obviously delighted
to see him. He wasn't expecting to see her here, he tells her,
as the girls have gone back to work. Dentist, she explains. He
asks whether he can join her. Sure, is her answer. He is delighted
to see her too. She mentions she saw him yesterday with Sally,
but he explains that there is nothing going on there - they were
merely discussing arrangements for the girls. Alison is pleased
and relieved to hear this, on both counts, firstly that he and
Sally are still able to talk and secondly, that there is no chance
of them getting together again. Having cleared the decks, both
are obviously pleased that Kevin's past will not be a hindrance
to them getting together. Awwwww!! The look on both their faces
is pure magic. "We'll go out together one night, a meal or
something ... tomorrow?" Fine!!!! Relief all round. "Right
then!" says Alison, getting up, "I'd best be off, I
don't want to keep the opticians waiting." "I thought
you said the dentist?" asks Kevin. "Oh yes" replies
Alison, "the dentist", both of them realising her ploy
to meet up with Kevin has been rumbled. As she leaves the pub,
we see Kevin, looking round at her, grinning from ear to ear,
as if he's the cat with the cream. Lovely scene.
Back at Elliott's Emporium, Fred has just come in to
introduce their newest recruit. "This is Nita", he announces,
"Ashley!! This is the new you!!" Ashley shakes hands
with Nita, an attractive Asian girl in her mid twenties. "Ashley
is my Executive director in charge of New Enterprises, you won't
see much of him because he's busy developing one of our newer
branches" continues Fred. Nita is taken by his spiel, as
Fred continues to extol the promotion prospects for those prepared
to work hard. "Plenty of room for advancement if you don't
mind going backwards" quips Maud, introducing herself, "Nita,
is that short for something?" "Anita, maybe?" replies
our newbie, "Maud, is that short for something?" "Only
Maudlin" replies Fred as he gets to the job in hand, starting
to show her round. She'll soon get the hang of things, he comments,
after all, her references were full of praise, they were excellent.
So, all that is left is for her to familiarise herself and she
can start in the morning. "Good!! Till the morn!!" booms
Fred as he zooms out, leaving a bemused Nita watching on. "Take
no notice, Nita" reassures Ashley, as Maud offers her a cup
of tea. "So", asks our new recruit, "tell me about
the shop profile?" Stunned silence as Ashley tries to get
his head around that one - nope, battery totally flat!!! "What
kind of people shop here?" continues Nita. "Oh"
replies Ashley, still struggling to get brain in gear!!!
At Roy's Rolls, the plumbing department in the shape
of Steve has arrived to help with Roy's problem. The only problem
is that he looks no wiser than Roy. "What do you think, Gail?"
he asks. "I think, you've been had" replies Smug Spice.
Martin and Audrey return from their visit to the insurance
company, not happy. "Flexibility is the difference between
us and robots" proclaims Audrey in her First Law of Robotics,
adding "if we surrender to a book of rules, we might as well
just give up our freedom, our future." Apparently, the meeting
didn't go well at all. Far from being sympathetic, it appears
that some of the staff were having a snigger at Audrey's expense.
Gail suggests going home and the three of them troupe out, leaving
Roy and Steve trying to sort out the cappuccino machine.
Steve is still looking non the wiser and Roy picks
up the manual trying to make sense of it. He twists a knob on
the machine, there is a gurgling of water - a beaming smile comes
over Roy's face. At that point, enter Hayley. "Roy? You've
got it going!!! How did you do that?" she asks. "Oh,
you know" says our proud but modest hero, "flexibility...
Would you like a cappuccino?" Yes, she does, so he pours
her one from the machine into a cup. As he hands her the cup,
there is a loud hissing noise, a bang, and a jet of steam sprays
upwards into the room. "I'll, erm, put the kettle on"
suggests Hayley, as an embarrassed Roy and Steve look on. Back
to the drawing board, lads.....
At the Rovers, Sally is having a drink with Rita. Kevin
comes in to ask if Sally fancies having the girls tomorrow, she
can hang onto them until the evening and put them to bed if she
wants. Rita tries to stick her nose in, pointing out that Kevin's
behaviour has been very erratic and that he was hardly fair on
Christmas Day. Kevin tells Sally he is going to Leeds, so he doesn't
know how long he will be. He apologises for Christmas Day - he
was out of order. After he has gone, Sally is delighted to have
received an apology, that was a bonus she was not expecting -
maybe her luck is changing, she tells Rita.
Maud is also in the Rovers, talking to Ashley - she
is puzzled by Nita "What a strange young lass", she
comments, "stock books?" Ashley thinks Nita was very
professional, however, Maud has tumbled that Ashley's interest
is more than professional - "you thought she was very fanciable."
Ashley's protestations are met with the observation that his eyes
were out on stalks. (Too true, blue. ) Ashley's protestations
seem feeble but he admits that she was "quite nice".
Maud thinks that it's about time he had a decent lass, especially
one who could keep "your stock under control." Ashley's
face is a picture as he envisages the prospect.
Alma is telling Mike about Jackie Dobbs' proposal to
pay rent. Mike ain't happy, smelling a rat. "As far as Jackie
Dobbs is concerned, I'd tread carefully, where rent and tenancies
are concerned, I'd tread very carefully, put the two of them together,
I wouldn't tread at all."
Back at Battersby Battlements, Les is still trying
to worm his way around Janice. She has just come back from doing
some shopping. He reckons that this is the last time she will
need to do this because this time next week, she will be picking
that up in a Roller, no she won't, she'll be having it delivered.
She's too tired to contemplate the matter right now, as he tells
her they are on the edge of their dreams. It would be nice to
have it delivered, she agrees, but she wouldn't want to leave
work, she likes the girls. She doesn't want to move away either,
she likes it here. "You wouldn't have to, we could do anything
we want to this house. Just think, new double glazing all the
way through, not the cheap stuff - proper cladding, and central
heating." Janice starts dreaming of what could be, and wondering
whether they could get away with it, as we see a pair of feet
coming down the stairs. It is Toyah. Janice asks Les what she
has to do. "Nothing, just leave all the talking to me"
is Les' reply, "if they ask about my symptoms, or anything,
just agree with me." Janice is concerned whether she will
be on oath, but Les assures her she won't be, "it's not a
court." Janice is relieved, as she could not lie on the Bible.
The only thing she mustn't say, concludes Les, is that the whole
thing is a scam. Toyah has overheard all of this and is horrified
at the plan. The final piece of reassurance Janice seeks is that
Martin will not get into any trouble - Les cannot see that, "probably
none at all, anyway, they all stick together, these people."
Satisfied, Janice agrees, much to Les' delight. He comes over
and hugs and kisses her to show his pleasure. As he does so, Toyah
comes down. She startles Les. "You nearly gave me a flaming
heart attack" he tells her. "Well, you wouldn't want
that" replies Toyah in disgust, he'd only end up in hospital
and have to think of another scam. "I knew you were up to
something but I didn't think you were as evil as this", she
continues. To Janice she says "I never would have believed
you'd have gone along with it. You two, you make me sick."
When Les asks her whether she is going to say anything, her reply
is "What do you think?" She then storms out of the house,
leaving behind Les and Janice wondering what will happen next.
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Peter Mills
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? A very enjoyable episode
as you would expect from Maestro Mills. Some beautiful bits of
dialogue, expertly crafted.
The situation following Alf's death was well handled.
Death tends to be accompanied by guilt - either things unsaid
or actions which should have been carried out. Audrey portrays
the grieving wife well, coping with her own grief, while trying
to prop up Nick's mood. Even Nick did well here.
Wonderful light comedy with Roy in the centre stage,
beautifully accompanied by Hayley. He never quite gets things
right and is obviously naïve trusting the likes of Charlie
West and Steve McBurger. Classic dialogue in the "lavatrice
- si" sketch. Marvellous pantomime with the machine blowing
a hose and spurting steam all over the place.
Les plays the chancer, as ever, looking to get away
with blue murder, in this case, getting one over on the system.
Nice dialogue at the Malletts when Gary tries to find
the bottle to own up to Judy that he is going back to work on
Monday.
Touching scene when Alison lies in wait for Kevin
at the pub. The look of excitement on their faces, as they realise
this could be the start of a romance, is really something else.
Such a nice change to see Kevin smiling, instead of being a whinger.
And what a lovely girl is Alison - soooo sweet.
And of course, bombastic Fred - he has his heart in
the right place, but misses vital clues, like names of people.
What a star, I say, what a star.
So, in summary, although there was not a lot of action,
per se, a very enjoyable episode nonetheless with the plot moving
along gently. Great fun.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 10 January
I've pulled a double-duty this week. Not only this
update to write, but a guest appearance on Mike Plowman's Coronation
Street Visual updates page. If you've not visited Mike's site
before, and you have Web access, then the address is : http://ds.dial.pipex.com/town/plaza/ec91/
Be very impressed with the Web hit counter ! My sincere thanks
to Mike for giving me the chance to have a go at another medium.
Anyway, apart from that little bit of trumpet-blowing,
the other effect on this week's update is that I'm all out of
wit... [Please, no unkind remarks.] So, if it reads as if the
bottom of the barrel is being scraped, then it probably is.
There's nothing very exciting going on in the world
at the moment, bar a brief visit to the UK of some very cold
weather from further East, so let's get straight on with the
business in hand.
[Theme tune...]
Act 1
Alma and Mike arrive at the factory. They've obviously been discussing
the business of Curly's house and its rather unwelcome squatting
tenants, Jackie Dobbs and her apology for a son. [Ty-rone ! I
ask you...] Mike would prefer that they had nothing to do with
her, let alone help her our, but Alma is concerned that Curly's
building society may repossess his house once the money he has
left behind is all gone. At least with Jackie as a proper tenant,
she can be given notice when Curly returns, and her rent will
help with the finances. Mike tells Alma to get all the details
nailed down in black and white.
Heading in the opposite direction are Kevin and the
girls. As he gets them settled into the car, en route for the
swimming pool, Martin says hello. He has much on his mind, with
the hearing at the hospital scheduled for the following Monday.
In need of someone to talk to, he asks Kevin if he'd like to meet
up in the Rovers that evening for a pint and a chin-wag. Kevin
declines, and Rosie pipes up from the back seat that her Daddy's
going out and they're staying with Mummy that night. "Nothing
special..." is Kevin's response to Martin's inevitable enquiry.
A [far too early] visit to the Battersbys, where Les
rushes down the stairs to catch Toyah before she goes off to work.
Worried about how much of the truth she knows about his overdose,
he would rather she didn't leave the house. [I'd rather you hadn't,
Les - couldn't you just stay upstairs and "play your tapes"
and be just spoken about, and not seen ?] Toyah isn't having any
of it. Janice tries to put a more positive spin on the situation.
"What's done is done", she reasons. This could be their
big chance as a family to really come out on top for a change.
"And what about Martin ?", asks Toyah, "he could
lose his job !". Janice can't really answer this one. Toyah
leaves, and Les grabs his coat and heads off to the cafe too,
saying he's going to have to keep an eye on her.
In the cafe, Roy is still trying to breathe life into
the coffee machine. Each new cup still seems to taste and look
like mud. Alison arrives, and has a bit of a chat with Hayley.
She tells her she has a date with Kevin. Hayley asks if they'll
be at the Rovers then, and can come and join her and Roy, but
Alison explains excitedly that they're off to a posh restaurant.
[Cue the new outfit, no doubt.] Toyah enters, closely followed
by Les, looking [it has to be said] rather dapper in Jack's coat
and scarf. Gail asks him where he thinks he's going, as far as
she's concerned, he's banned. He says he'll just sit down and
bide his time.
Fred and Ashley survey the new fresh-meat counter in
Freshco's. "It's the latest instalment in the Elliott empire",
announces Fred. He's heard that the chain plan to open new stores
all over Britain, and he thinks he might be in with the chance
of having a counter in all of them. Alma sees them both, and comes
over to wish them well. As she does so, we see she is standing
in front of a large display stand. It's corned beef, on special
that week. Fred is flabbergasted [that's a good Fred word, don't
you think ?] - "are you trying to bankrupt us on t'first
day ?", he demands.
Over at the hub of the Street, Natalie has the decorators
in. Lorraine looks at the proposed wallpaper [er, we're in the
back room here, not behind the bar] and pronounces it "very
you". Looking around, she wonders if the workmen might find
cave paintings underneath the existing paper...
Les, who has been reading his paper whilst keeping
"an eye" on Toyah, decides it's time to leave. He tells
Toyah he's off to deal with "something that's just cropped
up", and that she should keep her gob shut in the meantime.
On the way out, he barges past Audrey, who is on her way in to
show Gail the estimate she has received from the stonemasons for
Alf's headstone. Judging by her reaction to the quote, Alf will
be getting the more traditional two sticks and a bit of twine...
"They must have thought I wanted a pyramid building",
she opines. In the background, Roy cries "Eureka !".
[After rereading everything, I see this went nowhere. So presumably
the coffee machine is functional. That's all.]
Les has returned home and is rooting about in a box
of videos. Janice tells him if he's looking for the mucky ones
that Charlie West gave him, they've been bagged up to go to the
Church sale ! [She's priceless, isn't she ?!] Les triumphantly
holds up his "Viva Las Vegas" video. Inspired by an
article on an Elvis convention in Las Vegas, he's decided that's
where they're going with his compensation money. Janice is not
moved by this - she was promised a romantic holiday in Paris,
and a romantic holiday in Paris it is. But Les is on a flight
of fancy, reminiscing about how folks thought he was the reincarnation
of Elvis when he worked at the fairground. They're off to Vegas,
and Janice can be his Priscilla ! She wonders if this will simply
mean that he'll stuff himself to death eating cheeseburgers...
"If you don't wanna go, there's plenty who will !",
is his last word.
Back at Freshco's, the Elliott management have confounded
Alma by posting Ashley in front of the corned-beef stand, where
he is doing a sterling job steering prospective buyers over to
Fred's counter. Alma is very annoyed, and tells them to stay on
their own territory in future. Fred, in any case, would never
advise anyone to eat tinned beef - "don't know what's in
it" - especially from "them Argies !".
They've opened up at the Rovers, and Jackie is already
in for a drink. [It might be good for the plot, but it sometimes
rather beggars belief that the characters most often seen propping
up the bar, and often sliding down it, are those with the least
income, money problems, etc...] She hands Natalie some coins,
and tells her to get a drink with the change. From the look on
Natalie's face as she inspects the offering, it must have amounted
to half an orange juice. Les arrives and asks Jackie if she's
ever thought of going to Vegas. "It's only my dream holiday
!", she replies. Oh, there's no stopping him now as he promises
to take her when his compo money comes through. A very very brief
concern for Janice is raised in the headlong rush to agree on
a trip to Nevada. "We're on !!" [I suppose we can but
hope that a stray US Army missile might land on them while they're
out there...]
Intermission
No better than ever.
Act 2
Jackie has relocated to the cafe to meet Alma, who tells her that
it *will* be alright for her to be a tenant in Curly's house.
But there'll be a rent book and everything, and the rent will
be due a week before the mortgage has to be paid, each month.
Jackie raises an objection to paying rent while she's on holiday,
though. Alma is speechless when she goes on to say that she's
off to Las Vegas !
Maud serves Martin in the corner shop - he's still
down at the thought of going into the ring with Les, as he puts
it. Nita raises his spirits a bit with some very mild flirting,
complimenting on his choice of biscuits and hoping he'll be back
soon. [Us men, we're easily pleased !] Maud passes comment on
this after Martin leaves, in a "well done" sort of way.
Nita, obviously wary of the power-wielding elderly lady in the
wheelchair, rebuffs her by pointing out that *she* is the manager,
and Maud is the assistant.
Alma is walking the floor of Freshco's again. When
she reaches the meat counter, she is agog. [I'm running out of
words here, and there's no thesaurus on this computer...] Fred
and Ashley are safely ensconsed behind their own stall, but they
have decorated it with dozens of Union Jack flags [no picky remarks
about "Jack" meaning "flag", please] and "Land
of Hope and Glory" is playing on a cassette recorder. They
are *surrounded* by eager customers. And a rather cheesed-off
Alma.
Back at the Battersbys' house, Janice and Les continue
to bicker about their holiday destination. She thinks Las Vegas
will be full of crooks, and he says that if she wants to go to
Paris, then that's fine with him. [He doesn't quite say that he
won't be going with her, but I think it's taken as read.] Toyah
arrives home, and Les immediately sets about checking that she
has done as she was told and kept her mouth shut. She's been to
see Leanne, which worries him even more with Leanne being married
to one of them Platts, but no, she hasn't said anything to get
him into trouble. He promises to "see her right", but
she categorically refuses to have anything to do with his "blood
money" at all.
Ashley pops into the corner shop on his way home from
Freshco's. It's obvious he's more interested in Nita than anything
else, and he asks her over to the Rovers later, where he can "give
her a few pointers". She accepts the invitation.
Love in the air elsewhere, where Alison arrives to
find a rarely seen, cleaned up version of Kevin Webster, in jacket
and tie. A bit of inconsequential chit-chat ensues, and he apologised
for being a bit rusty at the dating game. This is obvious as he
has not managed to offer her a drink within 3 seconds of her arrival.
[That's 1st base put back another 10 yards, then.]
Fred and Ashley toast their successful first day at
Freshco's. Ashley mentions that Nita is coming over later, and
Fred sees clean through the "talking business" cover
and warns him not to dally on his own doorstep. She's an Elliott
employee, and there might be complications. He's best sticking
to the checkout girls. [Although I think we've been here before
with Curly.] Nita arrives at this point, and Ashley gets up to
get her an orange juice. Maud intercepts him and gets her bitter
lemon order in, keen not to be left out.
Alison compliments Kevin on his choice of venue for
their date. "Mmm", he muses, "it probably costs
a bomb !" [Clangg !!] Hastily backtracking, he apologises
again, and refuses her offer to go Dutch. He asked her out, so
he'll pay. She changes the subject, and tells him how she thinks
it's wonderful how he's coping so well with the children, on his
own. "I wish I didn't have to", is his reply. He tells
her that it was Sally that made a mistake, and this led to their
break-up, although he admits he was no saint himself.
Audrey drops into the Rovers, and collects the bill
for Alf's send-off, from Natalie. She wonders whether it was the
most suitable choice of venue, with Alfeh having been the mayor
and all. Natalie manages not to look too offended as she observes
that Alf was "a man of the people". On that score, will
the council be putting up a plaque in his memory. Audrey [I expect
she's making this up] says that this was so, but that she had
declined, saying he would have appreciated a simple headstone.
[Sorry, this doesn't all hang together does it ? They seem to
have been at cross purposes. Or I missed something !]
Jackie is having a celebratory drink, watched by Natalie
and Mike and Alma. Alma tells them that Jackie is a proper tenant
now, and Natalie looks forward to her custom. Mike just looks
sour-faced. The subject of the supposed holiday in Las Vegas comes
up, and Natalie confirms that she's heard that Jackie has found
some "sugar daddy" who is paying for it all.
Kevin's car pulls to a stop. At first glance, it looks
like Coronation St, but it turns out to be where Alison stays.
With her parents. [Hey Kevin, I expect you'll need binoculars
to see first base now !] However, they're away at the moment !
[Oh wow, these bins make things seem much closer don't they...]
You don't need me to tell you what happens next, but mid-kiss,
Kevin is caught looking at his watch. "Am I boring you ?!",
says Alison. Somewhat unconvincingly, he protests that he was
only thinking of Rosie and Sophie, who he has to collect from
Sally's house. Alison is beyond apologies, and storms off home,
leaving Kevin in his car, deflated.
This episode was written by Phil Ford.
It seems as if the new hand at the helm is really
making a difference to the show. We've had a lot more really
solid stuff, rather than a mix of fluff and cliffhangers.
Stars of tonight's show were undoubtedly Fred Elliott
and Ashley Peacock completely in their element behind (and occasionally
in front of) their franchised meat counter. Ashley in particular
has the most wonderful range of facial expressions - he only
needs to say half as much as some folks to get his message across.
Let's hope he's not drawn away with a hopeless promise of instant
success as a pop star or something. Corrie suits him perfectly
and I think he's got the staying power to make a real go of it.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***1/2
Toodle pip - John
Monday 11 January
Hiya, me again! :)
If you read the last week's Monday update then you'll
realise that I'm doing this one straight afterwards in order
to catch up on scheduling... Soooo, no prologue, let's leap right
into the fun:
This week's show opens in Plattingham Palace, where
Gail (who is sporting a very lovely fluffy green sweater) sends
the kids off to school and wishes Martin good luck with his impending
tribunal which, as it happens, is today. "This time tomorrow,
you'll be back at work", she smiles, "I can feel it
in me bones". Martin idly picks some of the fluff off of
her sweater (aww :)) and asks her what they're going to do if
things *don't* go his way and the Bastardly Battersby wins the
case! Gail tells him sweetly that "We'll manage... I'll still
love you through thick and thin" and they share a big hug.
It's often understated what an adorable couple Martin and Gail
can be, but this scene proves outright once again that they really
are. :) Awww... :)
Soooo, we cut over to a not-so-adorable couple who
are, coincidentally, preparing for that very same event. Yup,
it's morning in The Battersby Battlements (thanks Alan - great
new nickname!) and a jaded Janice is ironing her hideous husband's
shirt. He is harping on, as weirdly as ever, that he's "entitled
to that money" and, even if it is technically his fault that
he was "at death's door", his "life will never
be the same again", thus by his own ridiculous 'logic', the
hospital owes him, big time. Janice moans that "if last night
is anything to go by", then *her* life will never be the
same again either since it seems that Les is having 'problems'
in the bedroom. He claims that "last night" was because
he "had a headache" and was stressed about the court
case but she yells that it's been three weeks since they last
shared the pleasures (if you could call it "pleasure"
with Les?) of the flesh and that it's "putting the marriage
at risk". Les, of course, plays on this and enthuses that
she should come down to the hospital with him to tell the Medical
Board that he isn't "delivering the goods", since this
will probably up the quota on his compensation!! She, of course,
is having none of it and, as he leaves hurriedly for the hospital
he hilariously yells back to her:
Les: "It's called Libido!" Janice: "What
is?" Les: "WHAT I 'AVEN'T GOT!!!"
...And we go over to the House Of Elliot where an irate
Fred walks in to find Ashley still eating breakfast. "I was
expecting you to be hard at work by now!" he bellows and
continues to rant and rave as he notices that Prince Peacock's
breakfast consists of (Blasphemy!) mushrooms and more mushrooms!
No meat! "YOU'LL NOT GET THE SAP TO RISE EATING THEM THINGS!"
hollers the Human Foghorn, "When you get to work, you get
a Scotch Egg inside you! And make sure you pay for it!" (LOL!)
- Ashley tells him that he's on his way, although he just wants
to pop to the Cornershop "to see how Maud's getting on".
Fred sees through this excuse instantly and realises that it's
just a ploy to say a 'friendly' hello to Nita, exclaiming "If
you want to flirt, you'll flirt with the customers! And make sure
they pay for the privelege!" (LOL! - *ANOTHER* cracker of
a line! Does this man ever stop??)... His crestfallen nephew agrees,
reluctantly, to go straight to work without passing "GO".
Over the road, Tyrone is having a look inside the open
bonnet of a car that Kevin is working on. The Manic Mechanic tells
him "not to touch anything dangerous" (something that
obviously contrasts completely to what Mike Plowman's advice to
the boy would presumably be!) just as Alison, Janice, Hayley and
(BOOO HISSS) Loathsome Linda walk out of the nearby factory. Kevin
leaps to attention and dashes straight over to Alison, pleading
to talk with her "about last night" and his major mistake.
She agrees to discuss the matter but, since Janice and (BOOO HISSS)
Loathsome Linda are throwing jibes at them, thinks it'd be better
to go over to the pub and do it there instead. Poor Hayley just
stands looking deeply embarrassed and, ever the perfect picture
of compassion, tells the two hecklers to leave the poor potential
lovebirds alone. The Manic Mechanic agrees to meet Alison inside
later and, as he goes back to his car, Tyrone remarks (with utterly
brilliant comic timing courtesy of Alan Halsall) "Women,
eh? Nothing but trouble!"
The girls get inside the pub and (BOOO HISSS) Loathsome
Linda (who is rolling a home-made cigarette throughout this scene
- *how* uncouth! ;P) asks Janice how Les is getting on. The Warrior
Princess explains that he's expecting to get a huge sum of money
today from the hospital, tens and hundreds of thouands she reckons,
so they're planning a swanky holiday for two. Natalie comes over
to serve the factory gals and mistakenly asks Janice "Where's
your mate Jackie?", adding obliviously "She's packing,
I expect" before informing the Warrior Princess that Ms Dobbs
has been telling everyone she's off on a mysteriously paid-for
holiday to... (ut oh) Las Vegas! The penny drops and everything
comes together as Janice realises she's being taken for a right
royal ride by her right royal runt of a husband....
We now head to the Cafe, where Sir Royston and Lady
Hayley (who is *still* wearing the scarf she got for Christmas
- AWWW!! :)))) are having a discussion at the counter. He is *still*
worried about whether or not he's making the right move regarding
the Cafe plans and his tragic lack of self-confidence rears it's
ugly head once more, as indecision takes over. "The trouble
is, I'm a conservative at heart... with a small 'c' I hasten to
add! And I don't like change..." he begins, before attesting
that Hayley is much more decisive than him, obviously desperately
clawing for advice from his beloved! She plays the reverse psychology
game and asks if he wants to just call the whole Cafe idea off,
but he insists he's "got his mind set on it now"...
"Then do it!" she exclaims, as Roy, ever the gent asks
"But what is it *YOU* want?"... Hayley tells him that
she wants whatever he wants and that she wants to see him happy
and fulfilled... There's a tense pause before he says gently "You
know, I couldn't do this without you" and she assures that
he won't have to... Then just as the lump rises in the throat,
it's burst by the pin of laughter as Hayley chirps "Oh yes,
and I'll have a jumbo sausage and chips, please!" before
heading to her table. (What a superb scene! Words completely fail
me.)
Ut oh... There's trouble'a'brewin' back on the Street,
though. Janice hammers on Jackie's door and accuses her of playing
a "grubby little game" before screaming that she knows
all about Les' plans to take Rent- A-Scouse to Las Vegas and that
she's not having any of it! "Look, kid, if you don't know
what your own husband is up to, that's your problem, not mine!"
taunts Jackie before quickly slamming the door in the face of
Plowman's Princess. Ouch! Naturally, Janice hammers and bangs
on the door, screaming and shouting at the top of her voice, enraged
to the full... (Something within me tells me this isn't the first
time she's done something like this, too... ;)))
END OF PART ONE
So into the fray formerly known as the ad break we
charge once again... And it's as poor as ever. It's only January
but already Pre-Millenium Mania has set in, since the Royal Mail
have devised a set of commemorative stamps to celebrate the end
of the century and insist on promoting them through the telly.
I state here and now that I POSITIVELY DREAD the state of the
media by the time, say, September rolls round... Will we be able
to look anywhere without seeing those numbers 2-0-0-0? *cringe*
PART TWO
A lovely chat ensues in The House Of Elliot between Janice and
Leanne as the former explains to the latter about Les' plans to
take Jackie to Las Vegas. "I just don't believe it",
gasps a tearful Janice, "Especially after what I've put up
with these last few weeks... You don't know the half of it...
You know, I'm so tired of his never-ending lies... He says he
loves me... When it's convienient..." before asking if Leanne
thinks that his involvement with the Dobbster could be "more
than a holiday". Paranoia sets in as Janice worries, in tears,
that Les' plan all along could be to flee the country with Jackie
and leave his family behind. "Can you put your hand on your
heart and say he's not capable of that?" she asks her stepdaughter...
"No you can't because it all fits in... He's leaving me..."
Meanwhile, in a posh office, a group of Hospital officials
sit around a table opposite Nurse Martin Platt, deciding his professional
fate before his very eyes. They explain that, since there are
no witnesses invovled, his isn't a very straightforward case but,
to summarise, they have no proof that Martin administered an overdose,
thus can't prosecute him for this. However, he *has* admitted
to leaving the drugs trolley unlocked, which means that although
he *can* go back to work, it is only on the condition that he
attends a re-training programme in the meantime. Unfortunately,
since they also have no proof that Martin *didn't* administer
an overdose, they are obliged to pay out a sum of money to Les
Battersby... Platty's Pride (now *there's* a name for a beer,
if ever there was one!) gets in the way at this point and he furiously
exclaims that "It'll be on my record now whether it can be
proved and Les Battersby'll think he's won! And there's obviously
some doubt, or else you wouldn't be paying out money to him"
before adding that "If you can't trust me, you can stuff
your job! I'm resigning!" - Yikes!
It's slightly calmer over at the Cornershop so we cut
over there where Maud and Nita are discussing Fred's Little Empire
of shops. Nita wants to know as much as possible about Fred and
when Maud tells her that "Technically, I am his mother-in-law",
Nita says rather cheekily "Ah, so *that's* why you work here,
eh?"... Just then, Tyrone enters and it looks like he's got
his mind set on some shoplifting. He walks around, picking things
up off the shelf, asking Maud how much they all cost and then
mysteriously putting them down again just out of sight (ie: Into
his pocket, methinks!)... However, Nita, who is now standing at
the back of the store, watching, is smarter than this and challenges
him over a tube of toothpaste: "Do you want to buy it?"
she asks and he just mumbles "Not really", which auto-engages
her Irate-Shopkeeper-Mode (TM)... "Well, then, you can turn
around and walk out of the store and don't come back until you've
learnt some manners! And when ya do, you can come back, apologise
to Mrs Grimes and then you can buy the whole shop if you want
to!" - This is obviously not quite what Tyrone was expecting,
thus he merely yelps "You're mad, you are!" and exits
the store, sharpish-like.
Outside the Hospital, Martin comes *storming* out,
just as (coincidentally) Les is merrily walking in with Rumpole,
his solicitor. "YOU'VE GOT A LOT TO ANSWER FOR, YOU 'AVE!"
screams Platty, passionately "I'LL NEVER FORGET WHAT YOU'VE
DONE TO ME! NEVER!"... The Bastardly Battersby just laughs,
boorishly... What an ass!!!
*phew* Things thankfully cool back down again as we
cut to The Mallett House where Gary is coming home for lunch.
He kisses his wife and greets his bouncing babies, wondering if
Judy's cooked anything for him, as she promised she would. Unfortunately,
while contending to the Double- Barrelled Insomnia Machine otherwise
known as Billy-And-Becky, lunch has completely slipped her mind.
"What're we going to do with her?" Gareh gurgles giddily
to Billy, "What *are* we going to with her? Shall we throw
her in the canal? Shall we? Shall we?" and he is delighted
when the little tyke starts smiling. Unfortunately, he didn't
realise that this 'smiling' is a sign that Behbeh Billy has filled
his nappy. "I tell you what!" he pipes up, changing
his tone from baby-speak to pretty serious, "I'll nip down
to the chippie for our lunch and you change him, how does that
sound?"... "Predictable" is Judeh's tired answer,
as she rolls her eyes and smiles wearily...
Back at the Hospital Office, the board of officials
declare to Les that they've decided to pay him a sum of money,
offering the same explanations that they gave to Martin. He interrupts
them before they can specify the amount however, since he wants
to have a quick word with Rumpole (or whatever his name is)...
He says, in whispers, to the Sizeable Solicitor that, since he
hasn't yet told them the "full after-effects" of the
overdose they can't have come up with a fair sum (!!!???), thus
insists, despite continuous protests from Rumpole, on standing
up at the end of the table and proclaiming, in true Captain Kirk
fashion: (This one line takes about 30 seconds for him to spit
out, with gusto) "Ever since the shattering experience...
of my attempted murder... my life has changed totally... You see
before you... the shell of the man that was... A man that is not
a man... A man... WITHOUT A LIBIDO!!!" (ROFLMAO - Brilliantly
delivered by Bruce Jones (I kid ye not!) and brilliantly scripted,
too... improved endlessly by the blank, bemused looks on the Doctors'
faces!!!)
Cut to the Rovers, where Kevin sits down in a booth
with Alison. He tells her how much he really enjoyed their date
and how he is genuinely sorry for spoiling it at the end... Meanwhile,
across the room, Fred accosts Maud and wonders why she is taking
her lunch break in the Rovers when she could be just having some
sandwiches behind the counter (!). Maud explains that she needed
a change of scenery and of company, telling him that although
Nita is more than capable of doing the job, she doesn't like her
attitude one bit (ut oh - I spy rivalry!), claiming that the new
employee is "too intrusive"... Fred's sympathy extends
to saying "I'd offer you a drink... But you've gotta get
back to work!" and with a flash of Mr Elliot's beagle-teeth,
we cut back over to Kevin and Alison. He tells her that the reason
he was looking at his watch mid-kiss was that, no matter what
else he has in his life, the girls take precedence and come first
over all. She, in return, says she respects him for this but wants
to put things on hold until he has sorted out his family problems.
Kevin has no desire to leave this affair on the back-burner and
begs her to give it one more try... "This time I'll put the
babysitter on overtime", he smiles and I, for one, breathe
a massive sigh of relief as Alison smiles back and agrees! Yes!
:))
Over at the Cafe, Martin storms in and poutily sits
down. Gail rushes over to him and holds his hand across the table,
asking how it went. He explains, miserably, the turn of events
and how the Hospital are paying Les compensation because they
have no evidence either way. His pride can't handle the fact that,
in a way, this means they're accepting Les' side of the story,
thus, he quit his job. He is furious but, upon calming down a
little, asks a shell-shocked Gail "You do understand why
I'm doing this don't you?"... She blinks and says gently
(tho perhaps not 100% sincerely) "Yes.. It's a matter of
principle, right?"... He nods and stares into space, utterly
destroyed by the Tribunal's outcome.
Now they really did save the best 'til last here...
Back in the Hospital Office, Les is *STILL* continuing his epic
speech: "Then there's the flatulence... It's making a right
misery of my social life, I don't know WHICH way to turn!!!"
he exclaims, but the Director Of The Board cuts him off and asks
if Les *honestly* expects them to UP the compensation sum based
on these outrageous claims. The Boorish Battersby doesn't realise
he's digging his own grave and continues, regardless, to tell
them that it's ruining his marriage. Just then there's a knock
on the door and who is it? It's Janice, full of smiles and confidence.
Les, of course, is overjoyed to see his wife and asks enthusiastically
that she tell the Board about his 'lack of libido'. Ah but of
course the smile is on Janice's face for a far better reason...
Director: "Is there something you wanted to say,
Mrs Battersby?" Janice: (HUGE Grin) "Please!" Les:
(Butting in...) "SHE'LL tell you about my libido won't you,
Janice?" Janice: (STILL Grinning) "That's right! I know
exactly the cause of it... It's ever since he had that overdose!"
Les: (Butting in AGAIN...) "HA! YOU SEE! That's what I've
been trying to tell them!" Janice: "You see... It's
his conscience, that's what's done it. His *GUILTY* conscience."
Les: (Not so pleased, all of a sudden) "Oi, Janice. Wot're
you saying?" Janice: "You see, I only just really found
out what happened. It were nowt to do with Martin Platt. It was
all 'im, he took them tablets 'imself!" Les: (Furious!) "No
I didn't!" Janice: (Still grinning, overflowing with abundant
confidence) "YES YOU DID! YOU DIDN'T CARE IF MARTIN GOT THE
SACK! Just so long as you got a big juicy pay-out from the hospital!"
Les: (Gasps!) "What're you tellin' 'em that for?!?!"
Janice: "Because it's the truth! Something *YOU* wouldn't
understand!" Director: (Calmly closing the book, and closing
the lid on Les' compensation!) "Right, I think we should
adjourn this meeting..." Rumpole: "You can kiss goodbye
to that cheque..." Les: (Going insane with rage...) "JANICE!
WOT'D YOU TELL 'EM THAT FOR YOU STUPID COW!??! WHY JANICE WHY!?!?!"
Janice just smiles, flashes her suddenly brightened
blue eyes at him and leaves the room, calmly closing the door
behind him! YES! WHAT A SCENE! WHAT A SMILE! *FINALLY* Janice
stands up for herself to that b*stard of a husband and gets the
better of him before he has the chance to shaft her for Jackie
Dobbs! Excellent, excellent closer to the show! Cue credits, take
a deep breath, stop bouncing up and down on the sofa, pour yourself
a drink and........ relax. :)
So how was it for me? A great episode all round. Kudos
to all the members of the cast, for a change, not a bad performance
in sight. Special mention goes to Sean Wilson, Helen Worth, Julie
Hesmondhalgh, David Neilson, Naomi Radcliffe (a great newcomer!),
John Savident and Ian Mercer for exceptional, well above-average
performances *BUT* the honours go to Vicky Entwistle this week
for an absolute STORMING TOUR-DE-FORCE of an acting job! Utterly
superb!!! That *look* on her face as she finally slammed the
door on Les and her lousy marriage was worth at least ten times
as much as his compensation would ever have been. Stunning.
So, there you have it. As I've been saying for the
last couple of weeks, we're seeing a real great improvement in
the consistency of the show. Let's please see more like tonight's...
Good one, Phil Woods, some excellent dialogue.
*phew* After two updates in row, I'm absolutely clattered.
Time for another drinkie methinks! Take care! :)
The Rattler
This Monday Update Was Sponsored
By Autechre (What I was listening to) and Stella Artois (What
I was drinking...)
Wednesday 13 January
This update is coming to you a little late this week
I'm afraid. I do normally like to try to get it in before the
next episode is shown, and now three have gone by since this
one. But then there was the little incident of the car park barrier
arm that thwacked me one the head (don't laugh, all the laughing
has already been done!) Which left me with a rotten headache
for a couple of days. And then there was the trip away, including
a stopover in Cambridge on Friday night before going on to London
for the Jubblyping. And yes, I know I lost count of the glasses
of that rather nice white wine and got squiffy enough to miss
the house I lived in for ten years afterwards. It was lovely
to meet Alan and Trude again, and for the first time the very
jubbly Jackie, and her Mum, and Barbara and Guy. It was great
to see my ex again too.
Anyway, let's get on.
Les Battersby is in the doghouse. Or rather, because
this is the North of England, he's been in the privy in the back
yard where he's spent the night, and now he's crawling out, crestfallen
and dishevelled, banging on the yard door calling out "Janice!
Janice!". Janice duly appears at the upstairs window, evidently
not in one of her happier moods. "Crawl off and die!"
she shouts. Ah, protests Les, she's got it all wrong, but she
won't believe him. "It's no good Les, she told me erself
you were taking er to Vegas!" They trade insults for a while.
"If you hadn't blown the gaffe yesterday," accuses Les,
we'd be alf a million quid better off!". Janice is contemptuous.
"And what would you ave done with it? Took that jailbird
next door to Vegas? Perhaps she's dumped you now that you're skint!"
Les, who is in magnanimous mood today, is prepared
to forgive Janice, after all she only overreacted. The sweet sound
of violins strikes up. Well they don't really, I made that up,
but it fits with Janice's ironic twist of the knife. "Aw,
that's very good of yer, but I need a bit of time to think about
it". How does two years sound? Well, she wouldn't want to
overreact again would she? She withdraws from the fray, slamming
the window down.
Emily is exchanging gossip with Gail in the caff before
turning to leave. But before she gets very far she spots Gary,
tucking into a fry- up. "How are the twins?" she asks?
Gary, naturally, is pleased to be able to show off about them
again, they're great and he really looks as though he means it.
But he's enjoying half an hour off duty. Emily offers a hostage
to fortune - she offers to babysit at any time. Gary's eyes light
up - "Yer not free tonight are yer?" Emily has to think
and this makes Gary wish he hadn't said it, he was only kidding.
But as a matter of fact Emily is free tonight, and Gary is all
to happy to ask Judy if they can have a night out. "They're
a handful you know" he warns, but to Emily this is no problem,
after all if she can spend the night in a tree in the middle of
winter she can cope with two babies for a couple of hours. So,
it's all set up.
As Emily leaves she passes Roy coming in, excitedly.
He has good news, he tells Gail, the landlords have offered him
two weeks rent-free so he can get the new caff ready. Martin appears
from behind the counter, he wants to know how that pans out timewise.
And Roy is thrown, he hasn't actually thought of that, he can't
be so precise now, he has to firm things up a bit with Steve first,
it'll be a few weeks yet, months even, he extemporises. "Goodness!"
says Gail to Martin, "We're going to need that money now
that you're out of work". Don't worry, says Martin, I won't
be out of work forever. But Gail isn't so sure, we see the camera
close on her face as she whispers anxiously to herself "I
hope not...".
Vera and Jack have returned from their trip to Blackpool
and Vera is critical of Natalie's redecorating work that has gone
on behind the scenes in the Rovers in their absence. "You're
not thinking of doing t'rest of pub are yer?" she moans.
Because "they're a conservative lot, our customers you know,
they don't like change". And by the way, what has Natalie
done with all their stuff? Oh, Natalie reassures her, it's all
packed away. But Natalie has preserved the sign from over the
door - VERONICA DUCKWORTH - Licensed to sell beer wine spirits
etc etc. "Well," says Vera with a gloomy air, you've
certainly stamped your mark on this place haven't you! Well now
your name's over the door, people will know who's to blame won't
they?
Les is trying his luck with Jackie, at her front door.
"Why did you tell er we were off to Vegas?" he wants
to know. Jackie protests her innocence. No, all she said was "just
ask yer usband". Les is sorry, but he's been kicked out on
the strength of it, and maybe Jackie owes him a favour, can she
put him up, just till he gets his compo, which should be any day
now, and he won't be under her feet because she'll be at work
all day (funny, haven't we heard all this somewhere before?)
Meanwhile, across the road we can see over Les's shoulder
that Baldwin's Belles are knocking off for their lunchbreak, Janice
amongst them, and of course she can't fail to spot the little
scene being played out here. Especially, when , after a warning
that he's sleeping on the settee, he is admitted to the house.
She looks on for a second or two, stony- faced, before marching
determinedly across the road.
At the Platt's, Audrey is playing the respectable widow,
sombrely dressed and touching up her makeup for maximum effect.
It's the day of the will-reading, and as we know, where there's
a will there's some embarrassingly cliched plotting. Anyway, she
knows what's in store, the solicitor has already briefed her and
apart from a couple of little legacies of piddling amounts, it's
all for her, and she's finding it hard to conceal the excitement
behind the cloak of respectability. Gail hopes against hope that
she won't do anything daft with the money, but no, parsimonious
Audrey will do nothing beyond a trip to Canada to see Stephen,
change the car maybe, and oh, have a new kitchen installed. These,
she reassures Gail, are merely "investments".
Judy is hanging up baby clothes to dry, and aren't
there a lot of them, keeping her busy I shouldn't wonder. "Second
shift clocking on" says Gary, cheerfully, as he enters. Judy
says "Next time I have a baby, will you remind me to have
it in the spring?" Six months of warm weather you see, she
can hang out the baby clothes in the yard. Gary tells her of Emily's
offer to babysit. At first, Judy is too tired, but is soon persuaded
that a couple of hours in the Rovers, followed by a Chinese takeaway,
would do them both good.
Kevin, who is smiling and full of the joys of something
or other - probably the sap rising early - is buying a pint while
Linda and Alison look on. Alison is clearly moonstruck. "That
was a nice smile," comments Alison, "how's it going?"
It's early days, it's all a bit strong, but Alison is afraid Kev
is not yet over his ex. Linda puts her straight, don't be soft,
they've been finished for ages - no love lost there if you ask
me!"
Cut to Natalie, who has gone over to the Big Mac (the
one with extra gherkin), to congratulate him on the way he's got
himself out of the wheelchair. Behind her, Vera looks on disapprovingly.
Big Mac is in a cheerful frame of mind. Well, when he was that
far down he didn't know if he was getting a full measure in his
glass, so he didn't. Nice one Jim, so it is! "Not now,"
says Natalie, "that I'm in charge. Those days are over."
Vera, unseen by either of them, frowns deeply. Jack looks on in
dismay, then our comedy duo do their end-of-the-pier routine.
V: "Eh, she's lording it up all of a sudden,
who does she think she is?"
J: " The landlady, Vera".
V: (anxiously) "Will we be all right?"
J: "Give er a couple of weeks, she's got some
fancy ideas, no idea about running a pub though. Wait till the
nitty-gritty hits er, she's going to need all the help she can
get from us"
V: "She'll find out what hard work is!"
J: "Aye, and then she'll be thrown"
V: "Aye, and then we'll be t'power behind t'throne!"
Meanwhile, at t'solicitors, we're ready for the will,
along with Audrey and Gail. Audrey is chuffed to hear that Alf
left her his entire estate, all except three sums of two thousand
pounds for each of the grandchildren - Gail is pleased that they've
been remembered. - to be kept in trust until they are eighteen,
except for Nick's share because he already is eighteen and can
have his right away. And now, the residue, and Audrey can barely
contain her the excitement as the solicitor slips her the papers
with the detailed breakdown. Her face drops like the Blackpool
Tower lift as she struggles to comprehend what she sees. All the
remainder, after the property and the business, and the solicitor's
cut, is the grand sum of GBP 1,427 and thirteen pence. Oh misery,
she doesn't understand, poor thing. Buying the building as well
as the salon made inroads into his savings, explains the solicitor.
But she remains indignant, she's sorry, but Alf had more than
that, he had his TESSAs and his PEPs. No, those were cashed in
to buy the business. Well, she's sorry but she really doesn't
know how she's going to live on just her pension and the income
from the salon. The solicitor can't do anything about telling
her how to use her legacy though. Unlike Mr Jaggers he didn't
advise her to invest in "portable property" either -
that would be rubbing it in too much. There, I told you we were
in for some cliched plotting.
INTERMISSION
During the ads, Audrey, Gail and Martin managed to
get back to Roy's Rolls, where Audrey reflects mournfully over
a cup of tea. Alf must have had £100,000 at least. Martin
points out pragmatically that the estate was probably worth that,
including the properties and the business, but Audrey's dreams
of never having to work again have been well and truly dashed.
Back to the old scissors I'm afraid, snip, snip! Meanly, she wails
that even the kids are getting more than her, but then regrets
saying that. But how can she show her face, she'll be a laughing
stock. As a Person of Standing in the Community, Alf's will will
be published in the Gazette for all to see. "Impoverished
gentility, that's what I've got to look forward too". It
helps her a little, though, when Martin explains that only the
total estate will be published.
Martin draws Gail aside. "You know what's drained
his estate don't you? Thirteen years of funding her retail therapy!"
Vera is trying to ingratiate herself with Natalie back
in the Rovers. "How are you managing lovie?" she asks,
condescendingly. Natalie is fine, she beams. Well, says Vera,
it's nice that honeymoon period. What honeymoon period, Natalie
wants to know, she's worked there for eighteen months already.
Vera is brimming with advice about the dreary graft of running
the pub. Natalie tells her that if she runs into difficulties,
she'll know where to come. "That's right, you stick with
us". But Natalie's face as she walks away tells us she has
other ideas.
Across the room Martin has been telling Nick and Leanne
the good news about Nick's inheritance. "Two thousand? When
do I get it?" says Nick showing all his financial prudence.
Leanne seems very happy. This calls for a celebration, says Nick,
but Leanne has remembered that she's promised to babysit for Kevin
tonight. Oh well, she'll just have tell him she can't, she giggles.
Is this another obstacle on the path of true romance? We shall
see.
Martin, meanwhile, has gone off and engaged Les. "You
happy now?" he demands, "how much did you get?".
Les tells him he got nowt, and get this, with Alf dying and all
that, and with Martin losing his job, he reckoned he'd proved
his point and so withdrew the charge! This does not please Martin,
who shouts that he'd resigned over the matter. Because he has
principles. Les continues to astonish. "I wish you'd told
me, I wouldn't have dropped the case, now we're both out of pocket".
There's better to come. "I was going to see you right once
the compo came through", he shouts.
Martin doesn't believe his ears.
"No," says Les, that's a side of me that
people don't see. So keep it under your hat will yer. PINT PLEASE".
The cheek of the man!
In the caff, Roy brings Little Mac (without the gherkin)
a coffee. The latter hopes it's not as strong as the last one,
which had him shaking for hours. "N...n...no," stammers
Roy, I think I've got the balance right now". And by the
way, Roy's offer on the new premises has been accepted, so he'll
want Steve's estimate as soon as possible. Little Mac's sinister
eyes roll shiftily, like a murderous psychopath in a bad 1950s
film.
Cut to Martin and Gail. Martin is complaining to Gail
about Les "He puts me through all that, then he goes and
drops the case!" It doesn't add up, he was doing it "all
for us!" Can't Martin find out what really happened, Gail
suggests. No, he's not been able to get through to the hospital.
Gail persists, if Les has dropped the case, Martin can have his
job back. But he's not having that, crawling back, it's done!
"Then undo it" hisses Gail, irritated.
Judy, holding the blue baby, is giving final instructions
to Emily. The twins have been fed and changed and are ready to
go to sleep. "Isn't it a miracle the way they come out perfectly
formed" coos Emily. "It's a miracle how they always
wake up just when you're nodding off" replies Gary. Judy
goes upstairs to change, Gary to the bathroom to shave...
Alison arrives at Kevin's. "I'm not too early
am I?" she asks, awkwardly. Kevin is even more ill at ease
(they are both engagingly awkward throughout the scenes that follow,
which I think were very well handled). No, but there's a bit of
a problem, the babysitter's let him down, he's tried everybody
else he knows, does she want to come back another night? "What
do you want to do?" she asks, as he introduces her to the
dining room, where Rosie is sitting at the table in her dressing
gown. Kevin suggests that they could have a takeaway, but that
would mean staying in. Alison doesn't mind that. Rosie likes the
idea, "Can we have a takeaway?"
Very stiffly and formally, and nervously, Kevin introduces
Alison to Rosie. "This is Alison, a friend of daddy's".
Just as Sophie comes skipping in, cute as you like, to join the
family party. "Two very pretty little girls!" remarks
Alison. "I bet you've got loads of boyfriends haven't you?".
Sophie is disarming. "Rosie has but I'm too young".
Rosie protests that she only has two boyfriends (like mother like
daughter?). Clearly Alison and the girls are going to get on just
fine, and a relieved Kevin goes off to get Chinese takeaways while
Alison promises to read the girls a story after they've brushed
their teeth.
"You've made a hit there!" remarks Kevin,
just before he goes.
"It's only because I'm new, the novelty will wear
off soon"
"Stick around!"
"Well, we'll see about that, won't we".
Big Mac is visiting the Mallett's house, making some
noise on his crutches. Emily tell him that she's afraid of waking
them. Jim has come to find out where Judy and Gary are, they were
supposed to be meeting him in the Rovers but didn't show. "But
it's them I'm talking about!" says Emily, explaining that
when Gary came out of the bathroom he found Judy fast asleep on
the bed. He said he'd stay up and read till she woke, but when
Emily when upstairs he'd gone off too! Emily was left babysitting
all four of them. Isn't that sweet! Jim is still in fine witty
form. If he was her he'd charge double. "But if Gary wakes
up," he advises, "just give him another bottle of Newton
& Ridley's, he'll soon go off again.
Kevin is setting the table. "How was they?"
he enquires of Alison, coming down the stairs. As good as gold.
Still nervous, Alison is worried if Kevin minds her being there,
he might not want the girls to know she's there. But Kevin's intentions
are serious, he wouldn't have invited her if he didn't want the
girls to get to know her. "I don't invite a different woman
round every night, that would really freak them out, but I'm not
going to hide away from my feelings". The food's in the oven,
he'll just go and switch the lights out.
Martin is at home, on the phone, and having trouble
understanding something. "You are joking, aren't you?...
Why the lying... Yes!". It's Carol at the hospital. She's
told all. He storms towards the door. "Martin, be careful,"
warns Gail, "don't do anything stupid". "I can't
guarantee that Gail" is his furious reply.
Back in the Rovers, Jack is leaning over the bar nattering
to Les. Natalie asks him to bring up a crate of mixers - he'll
be with her in a minute, and carries on nattering. Les is distracted
by the arrival of Jackie so Jack is free at last to his boss's
bidding. He stumbles off to the cellar slowly. Spider, who has
been standing by nonchalantly playing with a yo-yo, remarks that
he's a man in a hurry. Natalie has a proposition for Spider, she's
short-handed, and musters all her considerable charm to talk him
into coming behind the bar. She knows his weak spots "You'll
get to meet all the girls, hear all the gossip. But it's not a
New Age thing you know - hard graft!" "Hey," says
Spider, "we're not all layabouts around here you know!"
and as he could use the cash he's hooked.
Little Mac, still looking shifty, comes in and finds
Roy sitting in the alcove. He's already knocked up the estimate,
having put a lot of careful thought into it, pushes it in front
of Roy and waits for the prey to take the bait. It seems a little
on the high side to Roy, not that, he naively confesses, he knows
anything about this kind of thing. Steve moves in for the kill
- he could get a lower estimate and Steve could do one for him,
but it would mean cutting corners. Roy falls for it, he wants
a professional job, so that's what it's going to cost him. But
he needs time to think.
Les is canoodling with Jackie when Martin bursts in,
grabs Les and they begin tussling. Little Mac moves in to hold
back Martin while Jack grabs Les, and they face each other as
if on taut springs. Jackie wants to know what's going on, so Martin,
in a loud angry voice, reveals all about how Janice told everything
to the tribunal, and Les's story was all a pack of lies. Jackie,
of course, wants to know immediately if this means that Les is
not going to get any money. Martin is all too happy to confirm
that this is the case. Natalie intervenes to throw the scrappers
out "Let's go Jackie" says Les. "You gotta be joken"
is the obvious, disgusted, reply.
And back at Kevin's, he and Alison are relaxed on the
sofa, drinking red wine. Alison is still a little anxious about
something though. "There's something I have to be sure about."
(Nervous pause) "Do you still have feelings for Sally?
No way, says Kevin, not after what she did with Greg
Kelly. What about you then, do you come without baggage?
She stands. She's really enjoyed the evening. Kevin
is reluctant to let her go. "We'll have to do it again sometime".
For an eternity they gaze into each others eyes. Finally,
Kevin feels he has to say something. Anything.
"Conversation dries up sometimes"
[pause]
"Well, maybe there's nothing left to say for
now".
[pause]
"Maybe"
[pause]
"I'll go now, shall I? You must be worn out"
[pause]
"If that's what you want to do"
[pause]
"Well, it's what I suggested" [pause]
"I don't know, nerves I suppose" [pause] "It's
not what I want" [pause] "I don't mind if you've
nothing to say"
[long pause]
"Why don't you stay a bit longer?"
And their lips melt sweetly together as they clinch
passionately.
And, softly in the background, Mr David Gates, with
Bread, is singing "I want to make it with you". Until
overwhelmed by the brass band over the titles. Subtle, isn't it?
Well, not a great episode but a very nice little pot-boiler.
The will scenes were predictable and the feud between Les and
Martin is getting very tiresome. But the blossoming relationship
between Alison and Kevin is developing very well, both characters
believable in their awkwardness, and this is old-fashioned romance
like wot they don't make any more - good three-hanky stuff!.
And there was some nice farce involving the Duckworths.
I especially liked Vera's ingratiating obsequiousness with the
bare-faced insolence behind, and for this reason, my award for
this week goes to Liz Dawn.
That's it for now.
Rosalind
Friday 15 January
Hiya folks!!!! ... Time again for another update....
So, what's been happening? Not a phenomenal amount,
but two relevant episodes to recount. The first being the opening
of my Fred Elliott Wave File website - at long last I have made
a start and unveiled this. The plan is to upload my extensive
collection of Fred Elliott audio clips on a daily basis and I
am absolutely delighted by the positive response. Those of you
who know me, will appreciate how much I love this character and
it is clear I am not alone.
The other main item was the mini-ping we held for
Jubblyjub, my IRC mate from Pebble Beach, Bribie Island, Queensland,
Australia. Jackie came back over to the UK with her mother for
the funeral of her nan - not a happy occasion. As she had travelled
from round the other side of the world, we couldn't let her presence
go unnoticed, so it was a real joy to meet the lass and have
some great laughs at the ping in London this Saturday. Coinciding
with my wife's birthday on Saturday, this gave us a great opportunity
to have a short weekend away in the capital. Great company, good
chat, nice beer, what else is there in life? Tomorrow, Jackie
is coming up to Manchester with some of her family, to do the
Granada Studios Tour, and as my photos of my previous visit never
came out, it's another excuse to have a great time pinging away!!!
What else? Well, the weekend was a welcome break for
Trude who is doing her lion-taming bit trying to knock her new
class into shape. Probably the highlight of the week was Thursday
when she stood a very naughty boy against the wall, as punishment,
only to find him peeing against it!!!! All life is here and as
I keep saying, the Battersbys are relatively tame compared to
some of the families with which she has contact. All god stuff,
eh?
Classic comment of the week? Well, the music teacher
at the school has previously taught at Secondary school and is
probably more used to dealing with older kids. He played some
music by Handel in an assembly and asked if anyone knew Handel's
first name. One young hopefully volunteered what was to him,
a perfectly serious and sensible answer, genuinely hoping for
some merit points, "Door" being the riposte. How teachers
keep their faces straight I don't know, but "Door Handel"
has to be worthy of some award somewhere.
Anyway.... enough of that.... without further ado,
it's time for the update....
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's
The episode commences at Kevin's place. It's morning
and Kevin and Alison are coming down the stairs - she has stayed
the night. Both have that warm glow about them, they've enjoyed
each other's company, but she needs to make a move before the
girls wake up. It won't be quite so awkward once the girls have
got to know her better, Kevin explains. They kiss lovingly and
the smiles on their faces make a wonderful picture. As she leaves,
they make arrangements to meet at lunchtime in the Rovers. The
grin on Kevin's face is worth a million pounds, as he closes the
door behind her.
At the Battersby's, it is a very different picture.
Les has spent the night in the outside toilet again. He looks
bleary eyed and uncomfortable. The upstairs bedroom window opens
and Janice peers out. "Not so lippy this morning, are ya?"
she comments, "What's the matter, got frost bite in your
gob?" Les pleads for her sympathy, the whole street has turned
against him, she is all he has got. What about his fancy woman,
is her reply, but he maintains that she never was his fancy woman,
he had nowhere else to go and anyway, she has chucked him out
now. The unsympathetic reply "well, you've got what you deserve"
is Janice's riposte, as she slams the window shut and Les looks
crestfallen, to say the least.
Meanwhile, chez Platt, it isn't all sweetness and light
there, either. Gail isn't happy that Martin has resigned his job.
He has done this on a point of principle but Gail has her head
on much more practical matters, such as holidays or nice birthday
presents and how they are to be funded. She cannot see what stops
him asking for his job back, they know Les Battersby lied, but
Martin doesn't see it quite so simply as she does - he left the
drugs trolley unlocked, he was negligent, he admits. She points
out that they hadn't sacked him, but his reply that this was only
because he resigned first. In any case, he is not prepared to
go back to them, cap in hand. The argument gets more heated as
Gail shows her frustration at having supported them all through
his training, for him to walk out at the first spot of bother.
When he reminds her that this was his professional integrity at
stake and that she agreed to support him whatever the outcome
of the tribune, she replies "Whatever THEIR decision, yes!!
They didn't ask you to resign." There is an embarrassed silence
and Gail asks, if he isn't going back, what IS he going to do,
because he needs to find some money somewhere? He tells her he
wants to think about it, but Gail is insistent - he needs to find
a job and find it fast.
At the café, Roy is going through a load of
paperwork - there are brochures galore all over the table. He
is in his pyjamas and dressing gown - Steve's figures just don't
add up and he has obviously spent some time trying to make sense
of them. Hayley comes in and is surprised that he has still not
opened up. He looks tired and explains what he has been doing.
He couldn't sleep, but concludes that Steve's figures look high.
He has a brochure from a DIY place, to give an indication of what
things cost. Hayley points out that Steve has his expenses, such
as labour, etc., but Roy has already tried to take that into account
and the figures still look on the high side. There must be something
he is overlooking, he tells her (yep, like Steve trying to con
him by overcharging, but that hasn't entered our hero's head)
- anyway he'll catch Steve later. They both get up from the table
and get snarled up with a load of printout paper from his calculator,
which trails to the floor - they go round and round in circles,
trying to extricate themselves from the mess - a wonderfully hilarious,
totally visual scene of chaos and confusion. They stop, take breath,
"Right, you lead, I'll follow" quips Hayley! ROTFL!
Nick and Leanne come around the corner. They are talking
about Nick's inheritance from Alf and how it should be spent.
They have decided to go on a holiday, but Leanne is concerned
that they must not spend all the money. She is pleased about the
money, after all, he'll be able to stop that modelling job - he
doesn't sound so enthusiastic about it, though. They kiss goodbye
and she agrees to ask Rita for some time off.
As she goes off to the shop, Nick crosses the street
in front of Les Battersby, but Les' attempts to make a friendly
greeting are met with a stony stare.
At the Kabin, Rita doesn't mind Leanne going off on
holiday, as long as she has proper notice to make alternative
arrangements. Rita asks how long they plan on going away - probably
only a week, replies Leanne. Rita hopes that they don't spend
all the money, after all, it could go on a deposit for their first
flat, or something.
Les wanders into the Kabin and it's now Rita's turn
to give him the cold shoulder. She leaves the shop on the pretext
of needing to get something from Fred Elliott's place. Les is
upset, after all, it's not as if he had killed somebody. The look
on Leanne's face tells you that she has no time for him, either.
He clearly regrets what he has done and tells her that if he had
known it would turn out this way, he would not have done things
the way he did, but this meets with little sympathy from Leanne.
He tries to justify his actions by saying that everyone plays
the system, who doesn't add a bit onto their insurance claim,
he asks? They don't claim against their own in-laws, replies Leanne,
her marriage could have broken up over this, she had defended
him against Nick, because he was her own father - this morning,
she is ashamed to be called his daughter. Les is very upset by
all of this and apologises. He pleads for Leanne's help in persuading
Janice to take him back, but Leanne will have no part in this,
"You've made your bed, so lie in it" she tells him.
At the café, Roy is going through the estimate
with Steve, item by item. He is trying to get a comparison between
Steve's prices and those in the DIY brochure, but is having difficulty
arriving at the figures he's been quoted. Steve tries to bluff
his way through by saying that Roy is a layman, trying to cost
a professional job, but Roy is still trying to understand the
discrepancy in the figures and how Steve arrived at his estimate.
Steve is bored out of his skull and realises he's been rumbled.
However, rather than be drawn into details, he suddenly drops
his asking price from twelve to nine and a half thousand pounds.
This puzzles Roy, because Steve was previously asking for twelve
thousand pounds, presumably for a very good reason, now he has
dropped that price - Steve brings the discussion to a conclusion
by saying that he is offering to do the job at a very fair price
- "think about it and give us a bell" is his parting
shot, as he leaves a very perplexed Roy trying to fathom it all
out.
In the Rovers, Natalie is perturbed to find half a
dozen crates of pale ale have been delivered, even though she
didn't order them. Tackling Vera, she finds out that Vera added
them to the list, "I thought it would save you a job!"
Natalie pulls Vera over to one side and tells her that they weren't
on her list, because she didn't want them. She is introducing
a range of designer beers for the young people. Vera tells her
that they won't take off, but Natalie is the boss and insists
that the ordering be left to her. We see one Vera, nose pushed
out of joint.
At the bar, Fred is having a drink with Audrey. He
asks how the reading of the will went, "no unpleasant surprises,
I hope. It didn't all go to Battersea Dogs' Home, or some wench
in Wigan?" She tells him, that apart from three very small
legacies to the Gail's kids, it all came to her, neglecting to
mention that, apart from the property, there wasn't much in the
way of cash. Fred envisages a life of leisure for her, but she
tells him "you haven't heard of noblesse oblige?" "It's
not that new bistro out Knutsford way, is it?" is Fred's
reply. She informs him that it's the responsibility of the privileged
to help others so that is what she is going to do - she will continue
with her council work and keep in touch with the needs of the
ordinary person by working in the salon. Fred is impressed by
this bit of b*llsh*t and describes her as a superior being, "they'll
be venerating you in 50 years, if you don't watch out", he
tells her, "St. Audrey of Weatherfield... can I touch the
hem of your garment now?"
Alison comes into the pub and asks Natalie whether
she has seen Kevin. Natalie suggests trying the garage. As Alison
leaves the pub, Natalie smiles realising that this is Kevin's
latest love interest.
Spider comes behind the bar and is tackled by Vera,
who is unaware that he has been taken on as a member of staff.
When he acquaints her with these facts, Vera cannot believe it,
"give over, we don't have riffraff like you behind the bar,
go on, sling your hook." Just then Natalie comes into view
and confirms Spider's view of events, much to Vera's disgust.
When Vera gets belligerent, Natalie points out that, Spider is
likely to be an asset, at least he's shown willing, which is more
than they her and Jack have done "like it or not, I'm in
charge here and I will do whatever I want, understand?"
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end
of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Roy's Rolls. He
is somewhat bewildered, telling Hayley, that all he was asking
for was an explanation of Steve's figures and he dropped his price.
"He's haggling, Roy" explains Hayley, "everybody
does it. He starts off high, you go low and you meet somewhere
in the middle." Roy cannot understand why the performance,
but Hayley explains that everybody does it, "you must have
done it when you bought the new premises, didn't you?" "No",
admits Roy, "I made an offer that I thought was fair and
it was accepted. Anyway, property is different, there's all sorts
of imponderables, but building jobs they have fixed costs, surely?"
Hayley points out that this is the game he is going to have to
play if he wants Steve to do the job for him.
At the Rovers, Jack and Vera are discussing tactics
as to how to play it with Natalie. They need to remind her how
much she is floundering, Jack is telling Vera - Natalie will soon
come round to their way of working, he insists.
Judeh is telling Natalie about what happened when Emily
came to babysit for them and how they had fallen asleep upstairs
because they were too tired to go out. Judeh is embarrassed but
Natalie reassures her that there would be no need, they must have
needed the sleep and Emily would have understood. "Kids and
sleep, is that all we've got to look forward to?" asks Judeh.
"No" replies Natalie, "only for the next five years,
then you can add going out to work to your list." "Great"
is Judeh's enthralled response.
Alison has been waiting at the bar for Kevin, but he
hasn't showed up. Enter Linda, who states "they're all the
same, get what they want and off they go." Alison rushes
off, obviously upset.
Vera is queening it with duster in hand. "Look
at that, it was spick and span when we had it" she is telling
Emily, unaware at the time that Natalie is standing right behind
her, able to hear every word. Seeing Natalie. she scuttles off
and Emily enquires how Natalie is settling in. "Very well,
thank you Emily. One or two teething problems, but nothing that
cannot be sorted."
At the café, Roy is in negotiation mode and
Slimeball Steve is all ears. He tells Steve that he has thought
about his offer but still thinks nine and a half thousand is too
high." "So what do you suggest, then" is Steve's
reply. "One nine fifty" is Roy's response. This is followed
by Steve splurting the coffee he has been drinking back into his
cup. "See you Roy" is Steve's unimpressed rely - I think
we might take that as a no and a complete no-no as far as Roy's
negotiating skills.
Martin has been on the phone in the café, talking
to a nursing agency. When he tells Gail about this, she isn't
impressed, there is no security, why doesn't he try other NHS
(National Health Service) hospitals? He foresees a problem as
they will require references, but it is not as important with
an agency. Gail doesn't like the sound of this. "Well its
too bad, I've fixed an appointment next week" he tells her.
We see Kevin coming back to a locked garage. Outside
is Tyrone. He tells Kevin that he has had three customers in the
last hour and if he had someone helping him, then the jobs could
have been booked in for later.
At that stage Alison comes over to find out why Kevin
stood her up. He apologises and explains that he got called out
on a breakdown, someone for whom he does a lot of work. He had
thought it would only take an hour but he has only just come back.
Alison is annoyed as she has been waiting for him and had looked
everywhere. He apologises again, saying that he had not taken
his phone, otherwise he would have called her at the factory to
tell her. He says he has been thinking, there seem to be too many
obstacles getting in their way, how would she fancy going away
with him for a weekend? He assures her that contrary to what she
must think, he is not messing her about. When she says that they
don't know each other well enough, his reply is that this is exactly
why they should go away, it would give them a chance. She thinks
for a second and agrees, big grin all over her face, closely followed
by a matching grin on his face. He'll get it sorted, he tells
her, but, of course, they will have to meet to talk about it!
Of course!! They kiss and she returns to the factory, while Tyrone
quips that he could also pass messages on from Kevin's girlfriends.
In a good mood, Kevin agrees to taking on Tyrone for
a couple of hours after school. "What about weekends?",
asks Tyrone, obviously on a roll. Kevin tells him they will give
it a go, but any funny business or anything goes missing, then
he will be out on his ear. Another happy camper, as a delighted
Tyrone makes his way home.
At the Rovers, the lunchtime session has ended. Jack
and Vera are in the back room and Jack stretches out on the settee.
Natalie comes in. She wonders, now that they have been back a
few days, whether Jack and Vera have found themselves somewhere
to live. Vera tells her that they haven't had time, to which Natalie
suggests, if they need some time off work to go looking, then
this could be arranged. The smile on her face makes you realise
that while she is being polite, she is very determined to get
Jack and Vera out as soon as possible. Vera says there is no rush
but Natalie tells her that she was hoping to move in, in the next
fortnight. She is going to be in trouble if she doesn't move in
soon and reminds them then she will have owned the pub a month
by then, while they moved in the day after they bought the pub.
"Two weeks" is the marker she puts down. After she has
left the room, Vera asks Jack what he made of the conversation.
"We'll move when we are ready, not before" is his stubborn
reply. Vera agrees.
Back at the café, Roy is having a post-mortem
on his abortive negotiation session with Steve. "You said
go lower" he is telling Hayley, who responds by inferring
that his offer was derisory. When he asks what he should have
bid, she asks how much he wanted to pay. His reply that he hadn't
really thought about it, is met with the order "well you
think and next time I'll come with you." Behind every successful
man, there is the boot of a woman who knows what's what, and Hayley's
that gal here.
At that stage, the café door opens. A smart
young woman comes in and walks over to Gail. "Is it Gail?
You don't remember me, do you?" she asks. Gail pauses, "Is
it Sharon?" "Yes" is the reply. It is Sharon Gaskell,
who was fostered by Rita and Len Fairclough, in 1982, when she
was a teenager. She explains she is trying to find Rita, but Gail
explains that Rita now has the Kabin on the corner of Coronation
Street and Viaduct Street. The two women are pleased to see each
other and Sharon confirms she hopes to be around.
After she has left the shop, Toyah asks who the mystery
visitor was. Gail goes though a history lesson, explaining that
it was all a long time ago, after all, Sharon used to babysit
for Nick.
In the street, Sharon has stopped outside the Kabin.
Rita is locking up shop for the day. As Rita brings in a paper
display from outside, Sharon comes up and introduces herself,
much to Rita's delight. They hug and embrace and go back into
the shop. Rita asks whether Sharon is stopping or just passing
through and offers to put her up. She suddenly wonders whether
Sharon is in trouble, but the young lady is able to dispel that
fear. In fact, she has some good news for her. She is getting
married, she explains, proudly holding out her left hand and showing
off her engagement ring. She has come to invite Rita to her wedding.
The two embrace each other in happiness.
Back at the Rovers, Steve is being served by Natalie
and is ordering one of the new designer drinks stocked by her.
Jack is bemused by it all and pulls Steve's leg, offering him
a straw for his drink. He tells Steve that he wouldn't have such
a drink, there is "more kick in a cream soda" he tells
Steve. Natalie points out that Jack doesn't have to drink them,
just to serve them with good grace.
Seated in the Rovers are Roy and Hayley. When Hayley
espies Steve she comes over to him and tells him that Roy wishes
to discuss something with him. Steve doesn't think they have much
to talk about but Hayley is quietly insistent. He joins them at
their table and sits down. Roy explains that he wasn't trying
to be funny earlier in the afternoon, he was just trying to arrive
at a fair price. Steve and Roy are about to bicker when Hayley
announces to Steve that Roy has another suggestion to make.
Roy - "Five thousand"
Steve - "Eight nine fifty"
R - "Six"
S - "Eight and a half"
R - "Seven nine fifty"
S - "I'll put it in writing"
R - "Good"
They shake hands on the deal, Steve gets up and Hayley
looks as pleased as punch. "See! That weren't so bad, were
it?" she comments. "That was very fair" replies
Roy, equally pleased, "why couldn't he have said that in
the first place?"
Les has come into the pub, goes over to Janice and
sits down with her. He looks miserable. She looks miserable. The
jukebox is playing "It's a heartache" by Bonnie Tyler.
The mood is set. He pleads that he knows he has done wrong but
he was not going to go off with Jackie Dobbs, he explains he only
did it to make her feel jealous after the row that they had. If
she doesn't love him, then he wants her to tell him now and he
will go - only he thinks Janice does love him. If she didn't then
she wouldn't have shopped him to the tribunal, he reasons, she
would have let him go off with Jackie, which he wasn't going to
do anyway. He begs her to reconsider, she obviously still has
feelings for him. She tells him she cannot trust him anymore and
admits he makes things really hard for her. He continues with
his begging, telling her he would do anything to get her back,
sleep on the settee, do all the housework. He begs for her to
take him back on a trial period. Eventually, she weakens and agrees
to his request, but only until she is satisfied he has changed.
Until then, he sleeps on the settee and does all the housework,
she tells him. She must be mad, she admits, but he is full of
gratitude and tells her he will make it up to her. "You'd
better, because next time it really will be over" she tells
him.
At the bar, Steve asks Jack for a cheese sandwich but
Jack continues to mock, saying that it's a bit basic for their
new image. If he were to ask them for "deep fried potato
skins or a chiabatty butty", they might be able to oblige,
but a good honest cheese butty"... "with pickle"
chips in Vera, joining in on the joke... Natalie has overheard
them and tells Steve she will get him his cheese sandwich in a
minute. In the meantime, she calls Jack and Vera into the back
room, she wants a quick word.
The Duckies are still chortling away at their amusing
quips as they enter the back room. Natalie announces that it is
not working with all three of them behind the bar - they have
left her with no alternative. Vera points out that Natalie cannot
sack them. Natalie reassures them she is merely going to "redefine"
their roles. "From now on Jack, you will be Stock Supervisor
and you, Vee, will be Site Maintenance - Cellarman and Cleaner."
When Vera protests, Natalie is quick to point out "well,
you said earlier, the place was filthy, now's your chance to do
something about it. Anyway, this way, I'm sure we'll all get on,
so much better."
With that, she leaves the room, Jack and Vera looking
somewhat shell-shocked.... "Over my dead body" says
a furious Vera.
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits ... episode written by Martin Allen
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? Not a particularly action
packed episode, yet another very enjoyable one with some fine
writing and good performances. Good scenes from Roy and Hayley,
as ever. Lovely scenes of tenderness from Kevin and Alison, these
two look so right for each other. Fine performances for Jack
and Vera, trying to take advantage of the situation and from
Natalie, not having any of it. A pleasing reappearance after
many years of Sharon Gaskell.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care... Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 17 January
[A content-free intro this week. I'm simply lacking
the time. Sorreee !]
Act 1
Rita and Sally are having their early morning cuppas, clad in
traditional not-an-inch-of-flesh-showing TV dressing gowns. Rita
remarks that the mail is late today. Like the proverbial watched
pot, an anticipated letter never ever arrives on time, and we
don't know whether anything is actually expected or not so we
can safely assume this is a plot device. Apart from that, Sally
is keen to know more about Sharon's sudden reappearance. When
is the wedding and isn't it romantic, returning after all these
years with a dashing young man in tow ? Rita tells her they've
a *lot* to catch up on, but she's obviously very pleased to see
her foster daughter again.
Nick and Leanne are downstairs in the Kabin. Nick is
off to Loughborough for some sport or other. [I rewound the tape
about 4 times, but still couldn't catch what he was mumbling.]
Leanne isn't happy when he says he'll not be back until very late
because he has a modelling session as soon as he returns from
the match. He tries to argue that they need the money, but with
Alf's bequest on its way, Leanne is not convinced.
Martin walks into the kitchen, past David and Sarah-Louise,
who are playing games on the TV while being snapped at by Gail.
She's in a bad mood, not much improved when Martin says he has
an interview the following week. It's only for agency work, and
where's the security in that ? She berates him for putting his
principles above his responsibility to her and the children.
Emily enters the Kabin to pay for her week's papers.
[I had to laugh here - I'm terrible at paying for mine and quite
often am nearly two months in arrears with my account. When I
worked in London, the nagging notes used to fall out on the floor
of the Tube train...] She encounters a distinctly chilly atmosphere,
as Nick and Leanne have not resolved their differences, and worse
still Leanne proceeds to tell Emily all about Nick's penny- pinching
attitude. To everyone's embarrassment. She wants a holiday, and
he wants to spend money on more educational courses. "I'm
thinking of my future", says Nick after Emily leaves, "I
don't want to waste the money". "Oh, so I'm a waste
of money, am I ?", says Leanne. [Cut your losses and run,
Nick, she's using feminine "logic" !!]
Fred, on the other hand, is in an ebullient mood as
he breezes into the corner shop. Maud is immediately suspicious
- it's another one of his hair- brained schemes, isn't it ? He
produces a poster advertising their January "sale" -
buy two of anything and get a Christmas pudding free. Maud points
out this means she'll have to give away a pudding to any young
lad who asks for two penny chews. [Do they still make penny chews
?] Jim arrives, and after a bit of quizzing, is told he will qualify
for eight and a half puddings. This doesn't excite him at all
as he hates the things. So he does. Satisfied, Maud grins at Fred.
"Very funny", he replies.
Leanne is still at full pressure as she unloads yet
more discontentment, this time to Rita. Martin walks in, and he
too looks rather sheepish as he is forced to listen in before
he can be served. He surmises she is complaining about Nick. After
he leaves, Rita tells Leanne there is "a time and place"
for everything. And this clearly isn't it.
Jack and Vera enter the cafe - Vera orders two teas,
and Jack tries to order a full English, but she puts a stop to
that. Vera is fed up with the prospect of being demoted from "senior
management" to cleaner. "What are we gonna doooo ?",
she demands. Jack has the answer - they still have nearly thirty
thousand in the bank. But Vera won't spend a penny of this on
stuffing his belly, as she puts it, that's going into bricks and
mortar if it's going anywhere. They resolve to meet with Natalie
and see if they can bring her round to their point of view.
Talking of whom, the new landlady and licensee is glad
to see Lorraine return from the shops, as she's on her own behind
the bar. She is told that Jack and Vera have taken early retirement.
At this point, Jack arrives. He soft soaps Natalie, telling her
that he and Vera are confused. What could they have done for things
to come to this ? Vera, in particular, is very upset. Apparently,
she'd looked on Natalie as a daughter. He asks that they be reinstated.
He'll happily do the cellar-work, but Vera won't do any cleaning
duties, though. Natalie tells him it's their own fault - she's
the boss now, and they can't accept that. She notices a coincidence
though, her own mother was a cleaner. Vera can accept her new
role, or quit.
Intermission
Tosh, drivel, clap-trap. Amongst tonight's dross is an advert
for a new "breakthrough" in moisturising technology
- a 24-hour skin lotion. I mean, what is this ? I don't fall apart
if I don't slap some cream on at least once in a day, for the
simple reason that Nature evolved me this way. And the typical
day [at the moment] involves coming into contact with plaster
dust, brush cleaner, paint and wallpaper paste. [I've left bogies
out of this list, so as not to cause offence.] Anyway, after all
that, oh lookie ! My hands haven't cracked up and fallen apart.
Oh joy ;-)
Act 2
Vera has gone round to see Judy and the twins. Or perhaps, to
offload her own grievances about Natalie. Judy looks semi-comatose,
but manages to offer her opinion that Natalie is really only behaving
like any new boss - she wants to make her own mark on the pub.
New broom, and all that. Vera still can't come to terms with what
she's lost, though. One minute, it's her own name above the door,
next she's being asked to be a scrubber.
Ashley wanders into the corner shop. He's not taken
with Fred's sale idea either - who wants Christmas puddings in
January ? He's dropped in before going over to the Rovers for
his lunch, and wonders if Nita would care to join him. She never
ceases to surprise me, by agreeing. [Someone has given Ashley
some modified form of Personality Transplant - the words sound
like his own, but they're coming out in a manner reminiscent of
a cross between Reg Holdsworth and Rigsby.]
Lorraine is chatting to Spider across the bar. She
tells him that they're short-staffed, and perhaps he'd like to
help them out ? He agrees.
Fred encounters Martin, who is staring at his beer
in the vain hope that it might transform itself into a job offer.
He tells Martin there's no point in sitting about, he has to get
up and do something positive. The Elliott empire didn't get where
it was today by sitting about doing nothing. Martin does something
positive - he gets up and walks out.
Elsewhere, Rita and Sharon have been catching up. Rita
has obviously been telling Sharon about all [well, some, they've
only been there a few hours] of the dramas that have affected
her life over the last 10 years or so. But onto the future - when
is she going to meet Sharon's fiance ?
On the other side of the pub, Nita is toying with Ashley
in the way that cats toy with defenceless animals. [Such as humans.]
He asks how she's finding the work in the shop, and wonders if
it isn't a bit boring, as she seems bright and has been to a business
school. "Checking up on me ?", she asks. No, just taking
an interest in people. "Do you take an interest in women
?" she asks next. No, not just women. "Oh, are you interested
in men ?!". You can see he's starting to squirm a bit. No,
no, he's not on "the other bus" at all. She says he's
just trying to find out if she's available. Well, yes he concedes.
He knows how some cultures are a bit different, and she might
be spoken for. Sadly, this is true. She is betrothed to a bricklayer
in Bradford - her dowry is four cows and a year's subscription
to "Auto Trader". Poor Ashley is way out of his depth.
She eventually cracks and tells him she's just winding him up.
Vera has bored Judy to sleep. She has to wake the poor
lass up to tell her she's off now. But thanks for listening. Judy
collapses into the sofa as the front door slams, waking one of
the babies.
Martin bumps into Nick, on his way home it appears.
By way of a gift, he offers two Christmas puddings courtesy of
the corner shop. He also offers some advice - not to take decisions
on his own account that affect Leanne also. He apologises for
preaching, but Nick looks grateful for his help.
Jack and Vera are organising their "battle plan".
They're going to see Natalie to issue their ultimatum. Either
they get their old jobs back, and Natalie apologises for the way
she's treated them, or it's another siege. "Ohhh, Vera !",
says Jack, his eyes rolled heavenwards.
Gail comes home to find Martin in a much better mood.
He tells her that he was wrong and she was right, and he's going
to go to the hospital to ask for his old job back. She hugs him.
Leanne comes home to find Nick [who has cancelled his
modelling assignment] in a much better mood. He tells her that
he was wrong and she was right, and he's going to put her first
in future. "Yeah, til the next time !", and she storms
off upstairs. Oops !
Vera enters the pub, ready for battle, and immediately
spots Spider behind the bar. "What's he doing here ?",
she asks Lorraine. It is explained to her that Spider has been
taken on full-time. He congratulates Vera on her retirement. She
explodes, and announces to the entire pub how she has been wronged
by the new owner. Spider realises, and tells her it sounds as
if she has grounds for claiming "constructive dismissal".
The assembled crowd cheer Vera, and Natalie looks on awkwardly.
We finish where we started tonight, in Rita's flat.
The postman eventually turned up, and there is a letter for Sally.
She opens it and is shocked to read that Kevin has not only started
divorce proceedings [it's from his solicitor] but is seeking custody
of the gurls !!
This episode was written by Peter Mills.
Not all that exciting, was it ? Oi'll give it:
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): **1/2
Back next week, hopefully refreshed.
John Laird
Monday 18 January
Hiya :)
SORRY once again but it looks like I'm going to be
doing the "two updates in one night" trick, for a second
fortnight running. Not a great deal of excuses to offer, I'm
afraid, I've just had a lot to do and even more on my mind, thus
haven't really had chance to squeeze in the Update Time I need
so sorely... that is... (*orchestral hit*) UNTIL NOW!
So without further ado (*drumroll*), here goes:
We open in Rita's flat, where a distraught Sally is
telling Rita how upset she is at the letter she receieved from
Kevin's solicitor. She manages to fray my nerves to a tatter within
3 seconds of her incessant harping about how *she* deserves the
gurrrls and how Kevin shouldn't be allowed so much as a look-in.
It matters not that she a) has no place to live (nor, some may
argue, a *right* to live ;)) or b) let her beloved daughters bunk
with a loathsome lunatic for several months, for she is still
insistant that Kevin has no right to "treat her this way".
Rita tries to calm the Wacky Webster by explaining that the best
thing to do would be for Sally to see a solicitor herself and
fight Kevin -in court- for custody of Rursie and Surphie... Honestly,
Rita! I'd have thought *you'd* have had more sense than to *encourage*
the silly tart! But no, the suggestion is noted as Sally, with
patented facial grimaces intact, states that she will make an
appointment for the afternoon.
Meanwhile outside the garage, Kevin and Alison are
pleasantly discussing their idea of a holiday together. She asks
him if he's sure he wants to take her away for awhile and he assures
her that it'll be fun, before asking the Wonderful Ms Wakefield
'round to the house later to talk over the details! Just as Alison
wanders off towards the factory, Slimy Sally comes oozing round
the corner to shout at Kevin about something that makes absolutely
no sense to me whatsoever (which, come to think of it, neither
does her continued precense on the Street). She accuses of him
of "pulling a cheap trick" by going to his solicitors
and asking for a divorce without telling her first! (Wha?? Correct
me if I'm wrong but surely he *DID* tell her!) She proceeds to
blather aimlessly but Kev holds his own, right up until the very
end. "You'll be hearing from my solicitor and you're not
going to like it!" she shouts, childishly, and at this point,
I decide to nominate her for most hateful character of 1999 so
far... Bleh!
Cut to the Kabin where Leanne is explaining to Rita
that her and The Camp Crusader *were* going to go on an expensive
holiday together using his inheritance money until he put the
kibosh on it by telling her he needed the cash for college. Rita
tells the young Tilsley that she doesn't like to get involved
in other peoples' personal problems and, at this point, in stomps
Silly Sally to proudly exclaim how she's had a good strong word
with Kevin! She has an appointment at 4:30pm with the solicitor
and says she feels better for it. She adds that she'll have to
get back to the market now, before warning that if any of her
customers gives her grief, "they're gonna know about it".
*shudder* Leanne, who has overheard all this, boasts adamantly
that she too is not going to stand up for her rights and not take
any stick from Nick (so to speak) regarding their holiday.
Jack and Vera, meanwhile, stand in the back of the
Rovers talking utter gibberish. V is adamant that being offered
a cleaning position is an "insult" not a job, as Jack
tries to calm her down. Natalie enters at this point and asks
to use the table for tea-making purposes, an action which threatens
to start Vera off on another Mouth-A-Thon. Thankfully, Jack drags
her from the room before we have to suffer any more of her nonsense.
I realise that the Duckies have never been particularly rational
but of late Vera, especially, seems to be living in some kind
of surreal paralell dimension where the laws of Real Life (TM)
just don't apply... And I, for one, am getting somewhat tired
of it.
But not to worry, since we cut to the Cafe where Gail
and Martin talk excitedly about the prospect of him getting his
job back. He explains that he's going to see his boss today but
is certain that everything'll go okay and, with a brief bit of
retraining, it'll be as if nothing ever happened. The Duckies
enter at this point, sit down for a cuppa and continue their earlier
absurd debate. A 'nice' bit of complete carelessness on behalf
of the editors ensues during their dialogue. When discussing the
fact that Vera used to clean *anyway* as part of her old job,
Jack says "The difference is, now you're going to get paid
for it!" to which Vera responds (after a quick blip on the
soundtrack) "Oh you can't can you?" ... Now either they've
become so strange that they've given up using the English language
as a tool of communication or someone has been a bit over-zealous
with the editing machine... Not good form at all. Anyway, as usual,
they reach no conclusion whatsoever. They finally agree to cut
a pack of playing cards with whoever draws the lower card taking
the job as pub cleaner (!!!!)...
Over at the College, Nick apologises to Manipulative
Miranda for not being able to 'take out the equipment and put
it away again' the previous night and she tells him that he sounded
as if he were "acting under orders". Thus, the Camp
Crusader explains that if Leanne had her way, he would never do
nude modelling again (Yippee! No more nauseating calendars!) to
which Miranda responds "Well, the last thing I'd want to
do is come between you and your child bride... Put her little
foot down has she?" (MEEEEEOOOOWWW!)... When Nick tells her
the story of Leanne's hopes for a holiday, Miranda suggests that
he takes her somewhere "Cheap but unusual"... "Like
Canada" (!!!)... and then, once she's happy with that, he
can come back to college and (wait for it) "Do what you do
best... take your clothes off!" - ARF! ARF! And how right
she is, since AS EVER, Adam Rickitt is as much use as a splinter
in this scene. He *fails* to make eye contact with Miranda, he
*fails* to put even an ounce of expression into his lines, reading
them in grating monotone and, above all, he *fails* to drop dead
at the end of the scene which, of course, would have been a mighty
relief to us all. ;)
Back at the Cafe, we are treated to a startingly pointless
scene in which Jack and Vera cut the aforementioned playing cards,
in front of Gail and Roy. I'll spare you the gruelling details
but Jack loses the best out of three draws and thus is told he
is to become the "cleaner" of The Rovers, meaning Vee
is the "cellarman"... Uh.
Speaking of that famous pub, we now cut to within it,
where Spider and Emily approach the bar. Spider has a chat to
Natalie, during which he tells her that he can't work for her,
as a matter of principle, since it would put Jack and Vera out
of a job. Most honourable behaviour, I must say, since only a
few days ago Vee was looking at him with contempt and calling
him riff-raff to his face! Still, that's Glenda's little Spider
for you. Ever the gent! :) As he walks away, Natalie quips to
a nearby Martin Platt "You don't want a job do you?"
- He tells her that he does, "but not here", adding
that he has his reinstation interview at the hospital shortly...
Meanwhile, in a nearby booth, Loathsome Linda Sykes (Boo hiss)
sits talking with Alison (Yay). The former is putting bad ideas
into the latter's head, asking if *she* is the reason Kevin is
getting divorced... "Will you be named in court, d'ya think?"
she asks. Alison suddenly looks a little worried...
Jack and Vera chalk up Pointless Scene #128438, walking
down the street up to The Rovers. He reckons that cleaning is
"woman's work" and that he'd be a laughing stock were
he to take the job. So instead, he's going to agree to Natalie's
offer of making him the Cellarman... Vee yells that he is a "JUDAS!",
smacks him with her handbag and storms off... Thereby rendering
the whole stupid card-cutting fiasco completely gratuitous. *groan*
END OF PART ONE
I don't know *what* that song is on the new Peugeot 206 advert,
but it's already starting to sound like nails down a blackboard
to me. Thus, on the grounds of this, I push FastForward and speed
through the remainder of the commercial break...
PART TWO
It's interview time for Martin and he is talking with his former
boss. He offers to withdraw his resignation but Bossman isn't
so happy. He explains to Platty that, had Janice not come forth
with his startling confession, the action of resignation itself
would have easily swayed the case "in Mr Battersby's favour".
He's not best pleased at what happened (or more to the point,
what COULD have happened) and neither are the Hospital Trust,
it would seem. He tells Martin that there are no job vacancies
available at the moment (?! With NHS understaffing the way it
is !?) and when the Noble Nurse protests and questions this, all
the Boss can say is "We don't currently have any vacancies"
in robotic monotone! Poor Platty snarls "Yeah, well, thanks
for your time - I promise I won't waste any more of it" before
storming out. Oh dear.
Over at the Cornershop, The Mighty Fred Elliot is talking
to Maud about Nita, enquiring if she's doing the job well or not.
She of the wacky hats tells the Burly Butcher that Nita could
do the job with both hands tied behind her back and is evidentally
capable of far better. Just then, Loathsome Linda Sykes (Boo hiss)
walks in and approaches Nita, who is standing near the back of
the store. It seems that the two of them know each other from
school but when Linda starts wondering what an ex-star-pupil is
doing working in a Cornerhop, Nita rapidly clams up and tells
her that she's in a hurry so they should meet up and talk some
other time over at the Rovers. It's pretty obvious to me from
this scene that the new assistant is perhaps NOT all she seems.
A dazed looking Jim MacDonald (good to see him back,
albeit incredibly briefly!) buys Martin a pint in the Rovers and
they begin to discuss the latter's job situation. Platty is rather
gutted, to say the least, and asks Natalie if she was serious
about her earlier offer of a Bar Job. She explains how desperately
short-staffed she is and says that anytime he wants to do some
pint pulling, she'll be more than happy to have him on the team.
At The House Of Elliot, Nick tells Ashley that he's
bought two tickets to Canada for himself and Leanne. Speak of
the Devil, Lee enters and Ash is so excited that he tells her
himself that Nick's booked for a three-week break in Canada! Her
reaction ("Aw no, you're not coming as well are you??")
is quite amusing, but when Nick explains that it's just the Two
Tilsleys, she's overjoyed at the prospect. (I doubt I could stomach
a 9 minute plane journey in a seat next to Nick, let alone 9 hours
tho, the poor girl!)
...And it's over to Plattingham Palace, where Gail
expresses much disappointment at Martin's failure to be reinstated.
He proceeds to tell her that he's taken a part-time job at the
Rovers and, of course, she's horrified. "You're a fully qualified
nurse!" she howls, "I'm not having you degrading yourself,
pulling pints with the likes of Jack Duckworth!" but he explains
that it's only until he can get another nursing job sorted, although
this is most likely to be with an agency.
So we now find ourselves in Kevin's house. Alison has
popped round and is a bit wound up about what Linda said earlier.
She makes him assure that she won't be named in the divorce proceedings
and he explains that the whole business is absolutely *nothing*
to do with her and itt's all because Sally "deserted her
family", nothing more. He then adds that if he had it his
way there would be a "dirty big ocean" between the two
Websters so he'd never have to set eyes on her again. Amen to
that, Brother Kevin! Oh yes, then he offers her some... (*orchestral
hit*) RED WINE! :)
Vera is drunk in the pub and sitting at a table with
Emily and Spider, whinging about how Jack is a traitor and an
all-round good-for-nothing. At the bar, tho, a far more riveting
conversation is ensuing between Prince Peacock and Uncle Fred.
"How are you doing with all them young wenches hanging around
you all day?" enquires the Human Foghorn, "I bet you
must be spoiled for choice, I say, spoiled for choice!" (LOL)...
Ashley isn't quite so enthused about this, so Fred suggests that
he "makes an effort" by "going up to them and enticing
them with a bit of kidney or a braising steak" (HAHA!). However,
RAshley claims sagely that he's going to stay 'on his own' for
a while... "Life's not long enough to watch it passing. When
you're six foot down in a box, you'll be on your own long enough
then..." muses Fred ruefully and, sadly, we cut away to something
infinitely less watchable. Smiley Spice and Spider are arguing
about him quitting his bar job. She was hoping that they could
spend more time together with him working at the Rovers, but he
insists that his principles are more important.
The red wine is working it's magic as Kevin and Alison
sit on the couch, glasses in hand, talking about their holiday.
He is worried that Sally might not agree to babysit over the weekend
but Alison has the perfect solution! "Why don't we take the
gurls with us?" she coos, and Kevin is both taken aback and
pleasantly surprised by her enthusiasm. "Ok", he smiles,
"We'll book the holiday and we'll take the gurls with us"...
Yay! :)
Back in the pub, Vera is now quite royally plastered.
If one didn't know better, one would expect she had taken a sip
or two of Alan Milewcyzk's truly remarkable home-brew to get into
this state. ;)) She stumbles to the bar and accuses Natalie of
being a witch, telling her that just because HER husband is dead
doesn't mean that she can come between Jack and Vera! (?) More
absurd nonsense spewed forth from the Mouth Of Duck but at least
this time she does have the excuse of intoxication, I suppose...
Anyway, we wrap up the show's proceedings at a nearby table, where
Rita and Slimy Sally are chatting away. Sal says that her solicitor
has told her that, providing she can find a place to live, she
shouldn't have a problem winning custody of the gurrrls and that
"revenge" shall be her's... Please! Spare me!
Cue credits.
This episode was written by Peter Whalley and was
not one of his best, to be honest. In fact, in comparison to
the recent spate of excellence we've been experiencing on the
Street, it was quite dire. We still have the wonderful developments
between Kevin and Alison, which are something of a joy to watch,
but in this episode, that was about all. On the downside, we
had to suffer the total drivel of the Duckworths (which is a
shame, since I *really* do like these two except when they're
given junk like this to work with), an excess of 2 seconds featuring
Adam Rickitt (torture!) and a few merely fair-to-middlin' transitory
scenes (ie: Martin and his job, Leanne and her holiday).
Highlight of the show? Fred Elliot and his line about
kidneys and braising steak. John Savident is an actor and a half
of the highest order and, even in a matter of 5 or 6 lines, managed
to shine.
The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by Iced Earth (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (what
I was drinking...)
Wednesday 20 January
Late again, huh? And this time I've been beaten by
Tinky's Friday update - the shame, the shame!
This week's delay was due to a jaunt up to Newcastle,
where Tyne-Tees Television were making pilots of a new daytime
chatshow format which they hope will save the skin of the struggling
company. They were taking the opportunity to evaluate possible
presenters; four recordings being made with a hired studio audience
armed with bottles of Brown Ale (OK I made that bit up) and "Hosts"
and "Guests" rotating around. It was all great fun
and an interesting insight into the way these programmes work,
including the audience plants. One such plant, called Bill, was
doing an excellent impersonation of an irate red-faced old buffer,
though behind the scenes he was perfectly charming and even gave
me a big kiss! Somehow I don't think I would be in the same league
as the likes of Donna McPhail though - she was very nice too,
though she showed a more aggressive side at the overnight hotel,
the Malmaison, which was full of drunken and foul-mouthed professional
snooker players up for an international tournament. One Jimmy
White made a pass at Donna and was given short shrift! I went
to bed fairly early but it must have been a lively night to have
the Navy send in the gunboats - a frigate was parked on the quay
opposite the hotel in the morning!
Anyway, time presses, so lets join our old friends
in Weatherfield, where excitement reigns at Maison Ashley.
Leanne comes running down the stairs flailing her arms
- she's freezing. Ashley suggests that she'd better get used to
a bit of cold if she's going to Canada. Nick tries to console
her with the thought that he'll keep her warm, but she's in such
high spirits that she tells him she's thinking of asking Mrs Bishop
if she can borrow her thermals. Nick, horrified and with no sense
of irony, looks alarmed, but she reassures him that she was only
joking. Ashley says that if he was going on holiday in January
he'd go somewhere he could take clothes off not put more on (how
unadventurous, this update is being written by somebody who once
spent two weeks in Shetland in January for a holiday, and although
it was very windy and very cold, had a brilliant time!). Nick
tries to be even more encouraging, they can go skiing and Uncle
Stephen has a Ski-doo. This dampens Leanne's enthusiasm, she's
not paddling up some icy river in the middle of winter! But Nick
patiently explains that a Ski-doo is not a canoe but a kind of
motorbike on skis. "Honestly, it's wicked!" he says,
which I am assured is a compliment amongst young folks today!
(And if anybody has never driven a Ski-doo I can tell you that
he's quite right, it's terrific fun!) Ashley has one more tease
for Leanne as he goes off - "Do us a favour, just keep your
eye out for them polar bears Leanne!".
Leanne, however, is really looking forward to her holiday.
"I'm the first Battersby to get past Torremolinos!"
But there's a problem, she's only asked Rita for one week off
and it's very short notice to ask for three. "Well, forget
about Rita!" says Nick. "Let her get somebody else to
mark up the papers, we're catching that 8 o'clock flight to Canada
and I don't care what anybody says!"
Rita's flat. Enter Sally in her dressing gown, reading
a letter. She says nothing, but an evil smile steals slowly across
her face.
Out in the street, Kevin is leaving his house looking
thoughtful and anxious. He is greeted with a chirpy "Morning!"
from Alison. "What's up with you?" she inquires. "You
look like somebody's put treacle in your axle grease!" Kevin
cheers up in the company of his new beloved, and explains that
he's just had a letter from the solicitors giving a date in February
for the custody hearing. Alison, who is a little fazed by this,
puts on a brave face, she is sure everything will turn out all
right. And he, too, tries to make light of it. "What judge
in his right mind is going to award them to a mother who's bunking
up with her friend?" And of course the holiday is still on,
he mentioned to the girls about all going away together and they
were really keen. They don't know where they're going yet, but
Alison suggests "one of those dome places" (not the
Millennium Dome surely!) "In the woods that have got swimming
pools and everything". One of her friends took her kids to
one of those and it sounded like loads of fun. She'll get a brochure
and the two of them can look at it in the Rovers at dinner time.
They kiss, and Alison pauses to smile after Kevin as he walks
away.
Vera is carefully putting on lipstick in the back of
the Rovers. Jack remarks "You'd be better off getting the
undertaker to do it!" She looks at him quizzically. "Well,
they make up dead bodies don't they? The stuff you put down your
neck last night, you look like the living dead!". Clearly,
Jack is disgusted with his wife, but she's battling on. "I've
every right to drown my sorrows!" she maintains, " after
the way I've been treated by Snooty Spice in there". She
pauses slightly. "Yes, and by me 'usband!", she snipes.
Jack protests, can Vera really see him with a bucket in one hand
and a duster in t'other, cleaning the place? But there's no stopping
Vera now she's in full flight. "Well, you hump the crates
out of the cellar eh? And mop the floor with your tongue while
you're at it." Vera is going to go down to the Jobcentre
to get herself a decent job.
They are interrupted by the arrival of Natalie, who
is carrying a pile of account books and needs the table to work
at. This is all Vera needs to shift up a gear. "Well that'd
be true to form wouldn't it! First of all she pushes us out of
us job, then our 'ome, now it's the table! Why don't you push
us off th'end of a cliff while you're at it?" An embarrassed
Jack tries in vain to calm Vera, while Natalie is exasperated
by the onslaught - she needs to assert herself at the Rovers and
not be trampled on by the Duckworths, at the same time she's tried
to be nice and failed, the gloves are off. "Vera," she
says, "at the rate you're going you won't need a push!"
And she, Natalie, never wants to see a repeat of the scene in
the bar last night. Vera becomes ever more snide. "Why? I
were only enjoying myself. Don't you want people to enjoy themselves
in your pub?" - spitting out the "your". Natalie
is close to losing her temper. She points out that if Vera was
behind the bar she wouldn't tolerate behaviour like that. Vera
snaps back, "But I weren't were I? And who's fault's that".
Natalie's temper finally gives. And how are they getting on finding
somewhere to live, she demands. Vera isn't finished. "Well
don't ask me, " she shouts, "you'd better ask our Jack!
I'm going to be too busy trying to find myself a decent job!"
She storms out. Natalie looks wearily at Jack. Jack looks wearily
at Natalie.
Rita is stacking magazines at the Kabin. She seems
in an impatient mood, so it's not a good time for Leanne to do
what she now has to do, broach the subject of extra leave with
her. But she takes a deep breath and does so anyway. "Well,
me and Nick have decided that we are going on holiday!" Rita
is pleased. It just came out of the blue - Nick went and booked
the tickets. For Canada... Canada comes as a surprise to Rita,
but she's pleased anyway. But Canada is a heck of a long way to
go just for a week. Ay, there's the rub! Leanne nervously grits
her teeth and ventures forward. "Well, actually it's three
weeks...". Rita is pulled up short. Three weeks! But Leanne
only asked for one! But Rita supposes that she can manage. The
look of pleasure on Leanne's face is a delight to see and anyway,
perhaps Ken can help out while she's away. When is Leanne going.
Tonight? This is almost too much for Rita to take!
Sally is in the caff, poring over a newspaper with
a cup of tea in her hand. She circles items in the "Accommodation
To Let" section. Gail's interest is aroused as she passes.
"Househunting?" she asks. Yes, says Sally excitedly,
and she's heard from the solicitors, with a date for the hearing
that will decide where the girls are going to live. "I've
got to find a place of my own," she tells Gail, "if
the girls are going to be with their mother. Where they belong!".
Gail doesn't think Kevin will see it quite that way, but Sally
is adamant. "Mmm, well that's Kevin's problem. Children belong
with their mother. Kevin might not accept that yet but he'll have
to after the court tells him so!" The evil smile creeps over
her face again as she rises to leave the caff.
As she leaves she crosses with Linda, entering. Linda
sees Nita sitting at a table and joins her, rather sulkily. "Oh,
you are pleased to see me then are you?" Because she got
a cool reception from her old school friend at the corner shop
the other day. Like Nita didn't want to know her. Nita makes her
excuses, the boss doesn't like new staff chatting with their mates
in working hours. This prompts Linda to have a go at bosses in
general and her own in particular "You should try ours on
for size - Baldwin!" she says as she pulls out the Golden
Virgins tin and begins rolling. "Do you know, if he could
get away with it he'd have us in leg irons at them machines".
Anyway, how come Nita isn't working for her dad? Nita laughs nervously,
she's going to be late for work, and she leaves. Hmm, something
fishy going on here.
Nick comes in as Nita leaves, and greets Gail. He just
wants to tell her that he and Leanne are just popping off on holiday.
"I hope you're not going to spend all your granddad's money!"
she cautions. No, they're just popping off for three weeks with
Uncle Stephen in Canada. "And what about college?" demands
Gail. It'll still be there when they get back, says Nick. "It's
only a couple of thousand, you're still going to need a career"
continues Mum. But of course, as mothers will, she's worrying
too much.
Alison and Kevin are whiling away the lunch break in
the Rovers, poring over brochures. "A tropical paradise right
in the middle of an English winter" enthuses Alison. They're
getting excited about their holiday away and the girls will love
it, though Kevin counsels caution, they'd better see if they can
book it before they get too excited, it might be full. She hopes
not, she's really looking forward to it. Although she'd better
be getting back to work as "old Baldwin will be on the doorstep
with his whip". Dear me, Mike is getting some stick tonight
and he's not even there to answer back!
Jack comes through with a crate which he leaves with
Martin on the bar. Natalie asks him if he's in charge of househunting
while Vera's out looking for a job. "And where's the new
Duckworth Towers going to be then?" she nags. "Have
you seen any likely properties?" No, not really says Jack,
he's been too busy in the Rovers and anyway, there's doesn't seem
to be any immediate hurry, Natalie seems quite happy over the
road. Natalie soon puts him right. No, she belongs in the pub,
it's her name over the door. So the sooner she's in lock, stock
and barrel, the better. "The clock's ticking, Jack"
she warns, menacingly.
Gail comes in with Spider following diffidently behind.
She is greeted fulsomely by Martin behind the bar. "Ah Madame,
your usual?" It's on the house, naturally. As Martin goes
to get the drinks, Lorraine appears and addresses Spider. "You've
got a nerve, coming in here, haven't you?" It's still his
local, protests the hapless Spider. And his principles only stand
in the way of him working there, not drinking there. Martin returns.
He'd have one himself, he said, only he's not supposed to flirt
with the customers, that being the landlady's privilege I suppose.
Gail is in gossipy mood and tells Martin all about Nick and Leanne
going off to Canada, just like that, Martin is very pleased to
hear it, and would they take them with them, seeing as he has
a lot of free time on his hands? Nervously he corrects himself
as Natalie appears at his shoulder with a businesslike air. "Apart
from pulling the odd pint".
Natalie wants to ask Gail if she can borrow her husband
this evening. As she does so she puts a flirtatious arm round
Martin. "Best offer I've had all day!" says the latter.
"Only because," adds Natalie, pointedly, "I've
been a bit let down". Spider at this point looks annoyed
and walks away. Gail smiles sweetly and accedes to Natalie's request.
As Natalie walks away she says waspishly to her husband "The
sooner you get a proper job the better"
Jack remarks to Natalie that he's had a flash of pure
genius - why don't they swap houses? But Natalie wants to sell,
not rent. Jack insists that it would only be a temporary arrangement.
And he knows that our Vera has been rubbing Natalie up the wrong
way lately, but Natalie won't hold it against her will she? "Well,
it's pretty hard not to!" remarks Natalie. But Jack tries
to soothe her. "When she's not breathing fire, she's nowt
but a frightened old woman.
In the Kabin, Rita is on the phone while Leanne looks
on anxiously. Apparently Rita is not having much luck finding
help. "Ken can't do it either, he's got some supply teaching
on". Leanne is getting panicky. There must be somebody who
can do it!" At this point Les enters. Surely not... No, he
gets a fierce glare from Rita and not much more comfort from his
daughter. As she gracelessly fetches his cigarettes Leanne announces
in a matter-of-fact tone that she's going on holiday tonight.
"What?" he says, disbelieving, "In January?"
He hopes it's not Blackpool where the wind whistles straight through
you, but no, it's to visit Nick's Uncle Stephen in Canada. "Canada?"
he quips. "Listen, I hope he lives in a proper house and
not one of them igloo things". Leanne is impatient. "It's
his uncle, Dad, he's not an Eskimo" [Canadian readers will
probably wish to correct me here and tell me that a Canadian Eskimo
is an Inuit. Well, I know that and you know that but I bet Leanne
doesn't!]
Les spots an opening. "Hey, who'll be helping
you out Rita? I mean if you're stuck I'm always available"
he blusters. Rita's withering look says NO CHANCE even before
she can get her next words in. "After the stroke you pulled
with Martin I wouldn't trust you to wash behind your ears!"
Les slinks off. That seems to make Rita's mind up for her. "Never
mind if he is family, if you can still get sackcloth and ashes
he should have himself measured for a suit in it. What time's
this plane of yours? Eight o'clock? You'd better get yourself
off home and start packing" Leanne is so overjoyed and relieved
she just about dances a jig on the spot. "Eh," adds
Rita before she can completely dance off, "and do me a big
favour - bring me back one of them Mounties!". Leanne skips
off as Rita picks up the phone again and dials. Can Sharon do
her a big favour?
INTERMISSION
Nita is wielding the pricing gun in the corner shop.
"How often does Mr Elliott put his prices up?" she inquires
of Maude. "As often as he thinks he can get away with it.
Why?" Nita is just a fraction too slow in covering herself.
She was just wondering, that's all. He doesn't seem to be all
that bothered about profit. "He'd charge people for the air
that they breathe if he thought he could stick a price tag on
it!" says Maude. So how come the flat upstairs is empty?
It's not good business sense to let it stand empty. Well, it wasn't
until recently, the last tenant was turned out for not paying
his rent, was Nita thinking of renting it? Again she has to cover
her tracks. No, of course not, she says, she was just curious,
that's all.
Natalie stands with arms folded, surveying her new
domain. Lorraine confronts her. "Just because you own this
place doesn't mean you can stand around doing nothing!".
"It doesn't mean I have to take cheek off my staff either!"
ripostes Natalie. She's just thinking about something Jack said.
That's a first!" says Lorraine, "Jack Duckworth being
thought-provoking!". But Natalie's thinking about his suggestion
of renting Des's house, not such a bad idea with a really watertight
short-term lease. Lorraine picks this up quickly, she'll have
it then. "Why not? It's about time I got somewhere proper".
But Natalie protests that Lorraine couldn't afford a proper rent.
Spider, meanwhile, is alert to this exchange. Give her a couple
of days, says Lorraine, and maybe she can sort something out.
Cut to Kevin, sitting thoughtfully reading the brochure,
and not too happy. Sally approaches him. "Kevin?" she
says. "Sally?" he replies, languidly. Trying to be severe,
she asks if he's heard about the hearing. He just hopes it's quick
and painless. He was going to talk to her about the holiday -
he was thinking of taking the girls away for a few days. Amazingly,
she agrees, thinks it could do them some good. And bitchily she
adds "I think you should make more of the time you've got
with the girls. Come February they'll be coming back to me".
And she smiles that evil smile again.
Vera comes into the caff, evidently in some pain. Her
feet, she proclaims to anybody within earshot, are killing her.
She doesn't know about these people who walk on hot coals, they
ought to try trekking round Weatherfield looking for a job. She
holds up her pungent shoes for all to see and smell. "No
luck Vera?" asks Gail, sympathetically. "Luck?"
asks Vera, "Luck's what that jammy beggar, that Natalie Barnes,
gets delivered every morning on her doorstep in bottles."
She could cry, could Vera, when she thinks about what Natalie's
done after all the help she and Jack gave her. Gail says she is
sorry Martin has to work for her, but they do need the money now
he's out of a job. Vera tells Gail that she'll have to keep trying,
but "the only trouble is they expect you to have a degree
in computers just to work at a cash-out." Will Gail need
any help? No luck. What about her mother? Gail didn't know Vera
was a hairdresser, but "Oh aye, yes, I can use scissors,
ever since I worked at Baldwins". Trying hard not to giggle,
Gail tells her she thinks Audrey has all the help she needs, with
Maxine.
Les is dismayed to see Martin behind the bar of the
Rovers. He approaches Linda, offering her a fiver to get him a
pint and one for herself, but Linda is having none of it. "I
know all about you from Janice, you can get your own drink".
Thwarted, Les approaches Martin and sheepishly asks for a pint.
"Not off me you won't" says Martin, smirking. Natalie
comes up quickly to defuse the potentially ugly situation. (I
must say, I'm really impressed with the way Natalie appears to
be in command of things, she'd make a good teacher I think). She
sends Martin to serve Kevin while she deals with Les herself.
Kevin suggests to Martin that if Les had any senses
he'd go and drink elsewhere. But, says Martin, "that's the
problem, he hasn't got any sense!"
Lorraine apologises to Spider for blowing her top the
other night. She'd like to make it up to him. How, Spider wants
to know, is she going to do that, because maybe he hasn't forgotten
and maybe he'll need a lot of making up really. But she has something
in mind - Natalie has said she'd lend her Des's house for Friday
night. And there's something they really need to talk about...
How's things with Kevin, Martin wants to know. Kevin
tells him that he thought things were looking up. Why, what's
wrong? "Nothing, yet" says Kevin, "that's the trouble,
don't want to spoil things". Would Martin be right in thinking
there was a woman involved? Too right, Alison! They're going away
for the weekend and taking the girls, but he's not sure it's such
a good idea, the girls hardly know Alison. But they do like her.
Kevin hasn't told Sally about the arrangement yet, but Martin
suggests he'd better do it!
Leanne rushes into the corner shop in a hurry and grabs
a box of Ty-Phoo teabags. A blatant piece of product placement
this, Ty-Phoo is a Cadbury-Schweppes product. Whatever's the rush,
Maude wants to know. Leanne is worried that there won't be tea
in Canada, they only drink coffee don't they? Nita comes up and
says she would die without her morning cuppa. After Leanne has
gone, Maude remarks on how well Nita gets on with the customers.
Just being friendly, she says, but perchance she's done this before?
They congratulate each other on the spirit of the corner shop
- "Giving people what they want to buy, and giving them a
bit of a smile on top."
Kevin enters the Kabin, where Rita tells him that she's
sent Leanne home to pack but she's now got Sharon to help out
while she's away. Has Rita seen Sally? Only Kevin needs to talk
to her, and he's got an emergency callout, and he needs to get
Sally to pick up the girls from school. No problem, says Rita,
she'll talk to Sally, Kevin can collect the girls from the flat
and talk to Sally then.
Martin is home and annoyed. He thought working in the
Rovers might be a good idea, but he's not so sure now, it never
crossed his mind he'd have to serve Les Battersby. Although of
course, as Gail points out, he does live across the road and Nick
is married to his daughter, so they'll just have to cope somehow.
Martin folds his arms and furrows his face "You need the
United Nations to cope with this lot". Gail tries to reassure
him, he'll soon get a job. Gail met Vera, she'd been all over
Weatherfield looking for a job, but at least Martin's got qualifications.
"Well, I hope I get a job soon, before I serve Les Battersby
a pint with a creamy head of bog cleaner!.
Gail is peering round the curtains. Excitedly, "It's
Nick, he's going for his plane". They rush outside to where
Ashley is helping load the cab and struggling with Leanne's bag.
What's she got in it? "Me jumpers. And Janice's. And Toyah's".
Giggle.
Sally, who is walking down the street with Rosie and
Sophie, spots the party preparing to leave. "Hey, look,"
she says, brightly, and with a broad smile, "Nick and Leanne
are off on their holidays!". "We're going on a holiday
too" says Rosie. "And Alison's coming too!" says
Sophie. "Alison?" asks Sally, still smiling, "who's
Alison? Is that one of your friends from school? Hey, that'll
be nice!" "No," corrects Rosie, "Alison's
dad's girlfriend!" That wipes the smile from Sally's face.
Flippin' kids!
Amid lots of hugs, Nick and Leanne depart. "A
honeymoon at last!" says Nick. "I love you!" says
moonstruck Leanne. At least, I think that's what she said.
Sally sits stonily in Rita's flat as Rita leads Kevin
in. "Sally picked the girls up all right Kevin". "Thanks
for passing on the message Rita" says Kevin, just before
he makes eye contact with Sally, who adds, frostily, "It's
a shame I had to get the rest of it from the girls". There
is an awkward silence before, at Sally's prompting, Rita leads
the girls in to the kitchen with a promise of chocolate biscuits.
Whereupon Sally raise to her feet, arms folded aggressively, and
demands "Who's Alison then?" She turns away from Kevin,
unable to look at him. They told her then, did they? he asks with
resignation. Sally resumes the onslaught. Wasn't he going to tell
her then? Wasn't it worth mentioning that he was going to take
them on holiday with some strange woman? Kevin has an answer ready.
"It didn't seem to bother you when you had them cooped up
in that flat with Greg Kelly!" Well, she says, that's all
the more reason why she wants to know who Alison is. Why? You
know her! says Kevin. Sally struggles to think. Kevin explains
to her that she used to work with Alison at Underworld. The penny
drops. "Alison Wakefield? asks Sally incredulously. Yes,
says Kevin, she's great with the girls, and they like her. Sally
rants on. "You've got me in a corner now, haven't you, right
where you wanted me! I can hardly turn round and tell them they
can't go!" The net closes inexorably on tragic Sally. "You've
manipulated me Kevin and I won't forget it!"
Vera returns to the Rovers, looking worn out. Nobody
wants a pensioner, they want somebody fresh from school"
she tells Jack. He tries to persuade her of her qualifications
from the University of Life. She sobs as Natalie appears, mercilessly.
"So, the jobseeker returns! So when do you take over as Chairman
of British Steel?" she asks, cruelly. "It's all very
well for you, wheedling your way into t'Rovers!" says Vera.
"I'll tell you this, if it wasn't for me and our Jack you'd
still be a leper around here! 'Cos until we give you a job they
thought you were lower than a snake's belly". She's a witch,
insists Vera. She's put a curse on everyone she's come in contact
with. Poor Kevin and Sally, then Des...
Natalie, not surprisingly, has had more than her fill
of Vera's whining and loses her temper completely. Jack had asked
her about renting Des's house and she didn't think it was such
a bad idea. But now she'd rather see them in a bus shelter under
last week's chip paper. Vera would rather live in a bus shelter
than be grateful to Natalie. "And I'll tell you what, me
and 'im will be out of here first thing in t'morning!"
"Good!" shouts Natalie.
Jack looks at Vera, mortified, as the title music plays
and the credits roll
Script by Phil Ford, sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel
(and Ty-Phoo tea)
Well, there you are! Not much apparently happening,
but actually there was lots going on, as the seventeen A4 pages
of closely written notes on my desk will testify, and it was
all very satisfying, not at all dull. And very well acted indeed,
and very well put together. Lots of fine performances, none standing
out above the others, so with my usual caprice my weekly award
goes to Jane Danson, because she looked very engaging tonight
and because we won't see her for another three weeks, and because
she is a fine young actress who has convincingly portrayed the
transition of Leanne from adolescent tearaway to mature young
woman over the last year or so.
Bye for this week
Rosalind
Friday 22 January
Hiya folks!!!! ...
Time again for another update.... So, what's been
happening. Well, after the JubblyPing weekend, my IRC pal Jubbly
decided to come up to Manchester with her mum and auntie to do
the Granada Street Tour. Tuesday afternoon they arrived and off
we went to Granadaland.. only to find it shut! Doh!!! None of
us had read the blurb which indicated that in January, the place
is only open at weekends. Grrr!! Anyway, a hastily convened plan
B resulted in a tour round the new mall, the Trafford Centre.
God laughs were had by all for what turned out to be a very enjoyable
afternoon. Granada will have to wait...
Trude's lion-taming act at school continues. As I
have mentioned previously, these youngsters are from very deprived
backgrounds, with some horrendous conditions at home. Every day
seems to veer from extreme frustration to uncontrollable hilarity.
One 7-year old youngster with some quite serious behavioural
problems was told by Trude that if he persisted, he would be
sent back to the Nursery part of the school - his reply? "I
couldn't give a monkeys!" That's at the age of seven - heaven
knows what he will be like when he's older.
On an apparently unrelated theme, a dear friend of
mine was telling me about some of the flack she is experiencing
in her job right now. The activity in which she is involved is
in the Medical field and was previously carried out by a Government
department - not too long ago, it was devolved locally, but under
the regulatory control of a Government agency. A lapse in a secondary
testing procedure meant a recall of the product, to ensure public
safety - fine as it goes. Since then, the terms of the recall
have been extended dramatically, without any justification, other
than making politicians look good and look as if they are taking
some action. The staff are already under siege, working long
hours as part of the recall and the pressure on them is to be
further increased. Their feelings of self-esteem have already
taken a battering and now they are being asked to work harder
still, with the threat of the closure of the local centre.
I have seen this in my wife's profession as a teacher
when the National Curriculum was introduced - the idea was laudable
enough, making sure youngsters had a fair crack of the whip and
had the benefits of a decent education. The people who were to
deliver this, the teachers, were treated by the government of
the day as the enemy, with the result that there was a mass exodus
of experience teachers leaving the profession, heavily demoralised
in some cases and an unprecedented increase in nervous problems,
such as stress and mental breakdowns.
More recently, this has hit my profession as well,
when, in an effort to overcompensate against the lapses of the
few, the whole profession has been under siege, creaking under
the weight of tons of pointless paperwork.
What is the common thread? Self-esteem, of course.
Most of us have a need to feel wanted and to belong and to feel
we are playing a worthwhile part. It's interesting extending
that to the current plotlines in the Street and examining the
effect.
Vera isn't one of life's hardest workers and is often
her own worst enemy. Despite that, she has feelings and it cannot
be pleasant to feel unwanted. The introduction of Alison into
the Sally/Kevin storyline will produce all sorts of resentments
and perceived threats, Alison wondering whether Kevin's feelings
for Sally have truly disappeared, Sally worrying about the appearance
of someone who could replace her in her daughters' affections.
Ashley, now trying to develop a relationship with Nita, but feeling
inadequate. Martin, having experience a big dent to his professional
pride, worrying whether his one lapse may cost him his career.
It's undoubtedly a sign of the times that perception
has taken on a higher value than substance. I don't yearn for
a return to the old days, but I would welcome a more sensible
balance between the two. No qualms on this score, though, when
we face the latest episode of Coronation Street, which continues
to delight in the quality of its writing and acting.
Anyway.... enough of that....
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel
The episode commences at the Rovers - Jack and Vera
are coming downstairs and, as usual, they are not in agreement.
Vera has taken umbrage at Natalie's comments and has decided she
isn't wanted - Jack, on the other hand, is begging her to reconsider.
Reconsider what? Well, the rather drastic step of moving out of
the Rovers. She still has some pride left, she tells Jack, but
he is more bothered about the small matter of them not having
anywhere to go. She doesn't view it as a problem, telling him
that they will simply have to find somewhere, sharpish!
Natalie shows her face in the middle of this argy-bargy
to ask what is going on. Yet again, two points of view are expressed,
with Vera telling her "We're leaving" and Jack saying
"No, we're not!" This pantomime continues when Vera
asks Jack to get the other suitcase, but he refuses. Natalie tells
Vera that she is silly moving out when she has nowhere to go,
but Vera will not stay after the words which were exchanged the
previous night. Natalie makes it clear that Vera should understand
she can go, as long as she realises she is not being thrown out.
Vera tells her that everyone knows Natalie is throwing them out
- yet again, Natalie denies this, they are perfectly welcome to
stay until they have found somewhere else, but Vera throws her
words back with a sneer "perfectly welcome, oh come on!"
She wonders how Natalie can live with herself, "I'm a pensioner
and he's practically disabled with his back" pointing towards
Jack. (This reminds me of the tale at one of Trude's previous
schools where a child said "my dad was in bed all weekend"
- Trude's reply of "I'm sorry to hear that, is he ill?"
was met with the response of "NO!!! Bone Idle"!!!!)
Natalie will not stand any false accusations and makes it clear
that if she hears Vera has been spreading stories that they have
been booted out, then there will be trouble. "Oh, shurrup,
you tart!" is Vera's considered response - Jack grimaces,
as, yet again, Vera hasn't known when to keep her big gob zipped
up - Vera's lack of diplomatic skills prompts Natalie to ask for
the keys to the premises. Vera deliberately makes sure, as she
hands the keys over, that they fall to the ground. "Go on,
let's see you grovel" she taunts. Natalie bites her lip,
as Vera picks up her case and goes out of the door. Behind her,
Jack is embarrassed, but has no option other than to follow his
wife. Civilly, he hands his set of keys to Natalie and tells her
that he will be back for his pigeons when, if, he finds somewhere
to stay.
As he leaves through the back door into the yard, the
door slams behind them, provoking another row between Jack and
Vera. He wants to know where they are going to go now. "Anywhere,
as far away from here as we can get" replies Vera, to which
Jack says, sarcastically, "we'll get a couple of tents and
go in the park." Full of recriminations Jack blames Vera's
"big trap", Vera blames Natalie "she's a tramp."
Does it solve the problem? No way, as we come to the end of the
dreams and high hopes that Jack and Vera had when they first moved
into the Rovers.
At the Malletts', the siege continues - the one involving
two babies, sleep deprivation and a whole lot of juggling. Each
is attending to a baby and it is clear they are stretched to breaking
point. To add to their woes, the front door opens and enter Vera
carrying a suitcase, closely followed by Jack. "You're not
gonna believe this, she's only gone and chucked us out" Vera
tells them as she dumps her case on the floor. She couldn't think
of anywhere else to go, she tells them, but Jack looks mighty
embarrassed, recognising that the Malletts have their hands full.
Gareh and Judeh are also embarrassed, in their case, not knowing
how to turn down friends. Judeh suggests the obvious answer to
all the problems "Gareh, put the kettle on." As Gareh
gets up to do so, he hands the baby he has been holding in his
arms to Jack. He offers his seat to Vera. She is totally preoccupied
with her predicament and tells the Mallets that she cannot believe
what is happening to them and that they are homeless, after all
they did for her (Natalie) and gave her a job when nobody would.
When Jack tries to point out that Natalie did say they could stay,
Vera will not accept it. Her continued ranting starts to upset
the babies, who begin to cry. Judy tries to distract her by offering
her breakfast - Vera, totally insensitive to the difficulties
facing the Malletts is on the point of agreeing, but Jack can
read the situation for what it is and suggests going to the caf,
getting a paper and finding some Bed and Breakfast accommodation.
Suddenly, he grimaces and says to Gary "I think this one's
laid an egg, son" and passes the hot potato back to Gary.
Outside the garage, Alison and Kevin are exchanging
a kiss, before Alison goes to work. As she departs, we see Jealous
Spice aka Sally coming along. She wants to complain. What's new?
She doesn't think it's a good idea the girls going away with someone
they don't know very well - Kevin is not amused by her hypocrisy
and points out that she didn't consider it when the girls were
in the flat with Greg, a "psycho". Sally tries to make
out it's exactly because of that bad experience that she wants
Kevin to reconsider - she thinks it's unfair them having to spend
some time with someone they don't know very well. Kevin agrees
with her - fortunately the problem will not arise, he tells her,
as they get on with Alison like a house on fire. Ask them what
they think of her, says Kevin!! Touch! She continues in her quest
and says that anybody can be pleasant to somebody else's kids
for five minutes, but this is the wrong thing for her to say,
as Kevin points out that Greg Kelly couldn't. "We're going
away! End of story!! And you should be hoping they have a good
time after all they've been through!!" Game, set and match!!
At the Malletts', Jack is busy on the phone trying
to sort out some accommodation. He's got four places to see and
a few more if they're no good, he tells Vera, who by now is feeding
one of the Baby Malletts with a bottle. Vee is still preoccupied
by the fate that has befallen them but Jack tries to reassure
her that they will be able to work something out, they still have
thirty grand in the bank. Vera throws that back in his face, they
wouldn't even have that if he had had his way. Recognising this
is a battle he cannot win, Jack exchanges knowing glances with
Judeh and departs on his quest.
Vera wistfully recalls that thirty grand is what the
Malletts paid for the house and how happy she was in the house.
Sometimes she wishes they had never left. Judeh sighs.
At Elliott's Emporium, Spider is propping up the counter
talking to Maud. Enter Ashley, all bright and breezy - "get
your coat on, Nita" is the message. He has been instructed
by Fred to take Nita to the Wholesalers and they only have an
hour. Nita doesn't look too keen and looks for a way out - Maud
cannot be left to cope on her own. That argument is swiftly demolished.
Ashley, in reassuring mood, tells her there is nothing much to
it, it's just a matter of knowing where everything is. Nita puts
on her coat, complaining that she didn't realise that she would
have to do that sort of thing. "It's fun," points out
Maud, "besides, it'll get you out of the shop." Nita
takes her scarf and covers her face with it. The others look at
her, somewhat surprised, but she explains that she has a sore
throat. Ashley and Nita depart, leaving Spider with Maud.
Spider is looking all bothered and confesses to Maud
that he is going round to Lorraine's for a meal and he is hoping
that she will suggest that they finish going out together. "I
want her to, I'm bored out of my skull with her," he confesses.
Alison and Linda are at the caf. Linda is doing her
usual, pointing out the negatives in things. This time, it's a
put down of the weekend away that Kevin is going to have with
Alison and the girls - and it's the girls who are the problem,
in Linda's eyes. They are going to get in the way of a mucky weekend
away, she tells Alison. But Alison is a saint and that sort of
break is ideal for the little ones. She couldn't put up with that,
continues Linda. Well, you could, if you were serious about someone,
says Alison. Linda picks up on this and teases Alison "oh
serious?" - when Alison tells her that the kids are quite
sweet, Linda doesn't see it lasting - eventually the kids will
compare her to their mum. Alison refuses to be put off.
At the counter in the caf, there are two parallel universes
- never the twain shall meet. Martin is ready for his interview
with the nursing agency - he is nervous. Gail, on the other hand,
is totally oblivious to his feelings and is twittering on about
how Nick and Leanne will be landing in Toronto right now. "Are
you gonna wish me luck?" asks Martin, but Gail is still twittering
on. Roy has been listening to Martin - he comments how smart Martin
looks and, finding out that it's for an interview, wishes him
good luck. The two universes conjoin temporarily as Gail reckons
Martin will not need luck, he will be fine, but Martin is concerned
what will happen if they ask - which is highly likely - why he
left his last job. Martin and Gail kiss goodbye and he leaves
the caf for his interview.
As Martin leaves, Sally comes into the caf - she orders
a chip butty and a cup of tea. Looking around the caf, she sees
Alison and Linda. She comes over to them and announces that she
is not happy with the girls going away with Alison and Kevin.
When Alison tells her that the girls deserve a break, Sally points
out that what Kevin and Alison do is up to them, but, in future,
the girls are to be left with her. Alison retorts that this is
an issue for Sally and Kevin to sort out, but Sally is insistent,
she doesn't want them to plan another trip like this without informing
her - she warns Alison that if she does anything to upset the
girls, she will be onto her like a ton of bricks. Linda butts
in and tells Sally that she is addressing the wrong person and
that Alison is "as soft as doings - she's got an NVQ in being
a pushover!" (NVQ stands for National Vocational Qualification,
a non-academic vocational qualification route.) Alison promises
to look after the girls, to which Sally replies uncompromisingly
"you'd better". After she has moved away, Linda comments
to Alison that she is a saint and that she wouldn't go anywhere
near a fella with kids, this is what it's like going out with
a fella with kids, you are bound to get the wife coming at you
in public and laying the law down. The look on Alison's face is
one of realisation of the hassles involved in that situation.
At the Malletts', Jack is telling Vera about accommodation
he has seen, he wouldn't ask a mad dog to stay in some of those
places, some landlords get away with murder. Vera knows they are
going to have go somewhere, but, yet again, it's blame time as
Jack tells her they could have stayed put - it would have been
better than some of the places he has seen. Judeh asks what they
are going to do and Jack replies that they will keep looking and
if they don't get anywhere they could always go to a letting agency.
Vera isn't pleased as this would mean paying through the nose.
When Jack asks what the alternative is, Vera goes into a rant
of what they have been reduced to - who would have believed it,
they had their own house, their own business, they should never
have sold out to Alec Gilroy, that's when the rot set in. Jack
reminds her that they had to at the time, because it was the only
way forward, but Vera is wise with hindsight, she is sure they
could have come up with a better alternative. Vera moans about
how they have always "cocked everything up" and this
is enough for Jack to take his cue and go to view the next property,
which is only round the corner. After he has left, a despondent
Vera asks Judeh that, if the worst comes to the worst, could they
stay with them tonight. Poor Judeh is pushed into a corner and,
not wanting to kick a friend when they are down, agrees. The relief
of Vera's face is counterbalanced by the look of horror on Judeh's.
Outside, Jack is crossing a road and, finding the property,
opens the gate to a rather nice looking house. He presses the
doorbell and a few moments later, the door is opened by an attractive
middle-aged woman. She smiles at Jack. He smiles back. "Mr
Duckworth? I'm Eunice. Would you like to come inside?" He
does so....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end
of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at Eunice Gee's bed
and breakfast guest house. She is showing Jack his room - "nicest
room in the house" - and demonstrating how comfy the bed
is - "lovely bed, you can feel the quality. Come and have
a feel". She asks how long his stay is likely to be, but
he doesn't know - he is between properties, it could be a couple
of days or a couple of weeks. She tells him she once knew a Duckworth
and asks for his first name. "Well Jack, breakfast is at
8 and when I say breakfast, I mean a proper cooked breakfast,
I don't just sling a loaf of white sliced through the letterbox
and expect you to get on with it, not like some of them so."
Jack is drooling and Eunice clearly has the measure of the man
- the way to his heart is through his stomach. It's probably also
the way to her bedroom, because she conveys the impression of
a woman who likes her men. She continues, "I can see you're
a man who likes his home comforts, you. Aren't you, Jack? Well,
you've come to the right place. I'm very free and easy - rule
wise, that is - when I take a shine, but there's one thing I ask
people to remember - this IS my home." Jack is impressed
with the find. She asks him for the verdict, "will it suit,
or do you want to go away and think about it, or, I tell you what,
Jack, why don't I make us some lunch and you can mull it over?
Are you partial to drop of scotch at all?" Is the Pope Polish,
I ask myself? Jack looks like the cat that's found the cream.
At Elliott's Emporium, Ashley has just returned from
the wholesalers with Nita - he comments to Maud on how nearly
every other face recognised her. Nita looks awkward, but makes
out that it was only because she went to school with half of them.
Ashley thinks that this is the reason why Nita didn't want to
go to the wholesalers. When he asks Nita out for lunch, Maud points
out that she hasn't had a break herself - she will just serve
Lorraine and then go off for her lunch.
After Ashley has left, Lorraine comes over the counter
and comments to Nita that she thinks Ashley fancies her. "Well,
it won't do him much good" retorts Nita. "Well, you
could do a lot worse" comments Maud. "I think I would
have to go to the zoo" quips Nita, but Maud adds "he's
a very nice lad."
Lorraine is wondering whether Maud has any candles
for sale. She explains that she has Spider coming round for dinner
and thought she would spoil him a bit. "That's nice"
replies Maud in a non-committal way. Lorraine confides that she
is thinking of asking Spider to move in with her. Maud looks awkward,
having heard Spider's version of events and changes the topic.
At the Rovers, Spider is in mega-moan mood. He is bending
Kevin's ear as to how he finds everything about Lorraine annoying
these days. Kevin is amused as Spider says that, normally, when
he is in a relationship, it is the girls who get fed up with him,
but here, he cannot even remember what he saw in her in the first
place.
Enter Ashley, full of the joys of spring come early
- he joins the duo at the bar and orders a drink. Spider recognises
the look on Ashley's face, "hang about, you're in love aren't
you?" "Well, it's early days" responds Ashley.
Spider advises that Ashley only thinks he is in love, if he tries
really hard, he can talk himself out of it. Ashley doesn't want
this advice and when asked who the other person is, refuses to
be drawn.
The court jester, aka Les comes in. He orders a drink
from Natalie and makes a cheap jibe about the whereabouts of his
favourite barmaid. Natalie thinks he's talking about Lorraine
and tells him it's her day off, but Les is in a witty mood, "no,
Martin Platt, I mean." He is the only one who finds the quip
amusing, as Kevin and Spider remain totally impassive.
Sally wanders into the pub. She wants a quick word
with Kevin. She asks whether it would be acceptable for her to
pick up the girls from school and take them for a burger, before
he goes off with them for the weekend, as she will not see them
until next Monday. Kevin thinks this is a great idea, it will
give him a chance of doing some packing, as long as they are back
for half five. He turns his back on her to indicate he has finished
the conversation.
At Roy's Rolls, Judeh is telling an incredulous Roy
and Gail how Natalie threw out Jack and Vera. She explains how
Jack is looking for accommodation but she suspects that Vera would
prefer to stay a few nights with them and how she has been going
on about how happy she used to be in the house. When Gail asks
whether Judeh has the room, Judeh admits she doesn't, but she
has a dilemma, the Duckies are desperate. Roy feels that Judeh
already has enough on her plate with two young babies, but Judeh
cannot bring herself to let them down, although she thinks they
would have noticed how tired she and Gareh both are. Roy maintains
that sometimes the only way is to spell things out, but Judeh
feels so mean, after all, they are homeless.
Martin returns from his interview. Gail tells him that
Jack and Vera have been thrown out by his new employer. He comments
that he is surprised it didn't happen sooner. Gail asks how he
went on the interview. He doesn't look best pleased. Everything
was going fine, until the inevitable question as to why he left
his last job - he told them he resigned on principle after a disagreement
with the management. When he was probed further at the interview,
he found himself in a "no-win" situation, if he tells
them he hangs himself, if he tells them he doesn't want to talk
about it, the company assume the worst. "So he said he'd
be in touch, and we all know what that means, don't we?"
Back at the Malletts, a slightly worse for wear Jack
is extolling to Vera, the virtues of this B&B he has found
and is telling her they could do a lot worse. Vera, cantankerous
as ever, pulls him up for "supping" - while she has
been fretting, he has been getting drunk. He tells her how Eunice
offered him a spot of lunch and a small whiskey, but Vera is not
impressed. Jack couldn't be rude, so they talked. When Vera asks
what sort of woman is it who drinks with a total stranger, "friendly"
is Jack's reply. This does not please Vera, who tells him she
doesn't like the sound of Eunice. Jack reminds Vera that, in comparison
to some of the places he has seen, the place is like and palace
and he tells her to get her coat on and come with him to have
a look.
Gareh comes in and asks how Jack has got on. He is
surprised when Jack tells him he has found a place, "it's
lovely" he says to Gareh, but for Vera's benefit. He tells
Gareh they can move in straightaway and the place is only around
the corner. Gareh is pleased and offers to give them a hand. Jack
throws Vera's coat in her lap and goes out, followed by a furious
Vera.
Sally has turned up with the girls outside Kevin's
place. The door is opened by Alison. The girls are delighted to
see Alison and Sally is clearly upset by their reaction. Alison
asks whether they had a good day at school. Kevin comes to the
door and sees the expression on Sally's face. Sally gathers enough
grace to wish them a nice time - Kevin coldly thanks her for her
wishes.
As Judeh turns the corner with the pram, she sees Gareh,
Jack and Vera outside, carrying cases. They explain that they
have found some accommodation and that Gareh is giving them a
hand. Judeh tells them there was no need to move so quickly, they
could have stayed, but Jack and Vera are grateful for the help
they have received, saying that Gareh and Judeh have done enough.
In the Kabin, Sally is tearfully telling Rita what
has just happened across the road. Rita points out that this is
what happens when couples split up, but Sally moans about how
the girls hardly know Alison. Rita reminds Sally that the girls'
father will be with them. She tells Sally not to get too upset
and admits that Alison has been in the shop a few times and has
always seemed very pleasant. "I know, that's what's upsetting
me, if I'm being honest" confides Sally, "the way they
like her".
We are outside Eunice Gee's B&B. Jack is doing
the introductions. "Right! Eunice, this is Vera and Gary.
Vera, this is Eunice." Eunice is puzzled at three of them
turning up. Jack explains that Gary is a friend who is helping
them with their luggage. Eunice tells Jack that she thought he
was on his own. While this is going on, Vera is eyeing up Eunice
and seems to recognise her, "Don't I know you? You look ever
so familiar." Eunice is continuing to explain this is why
she prefers singles - couples cause a lot of problems. "It's
Eunice Gee, she married Fred, who worked behind the bar at the
Rovers" exclaims Vera. "Vera - you worked in the factory.
I knew I knew a Duckworth" replies Eunice. Now that everyone
knows each other, Eunice invites them all in for a cup of tea
and moves in on Gary as he carries the luggage through the door.
"Are you partial to a drop of scotch at all?" she asks.
Gary accepts her offer telling her as far as he knows he isn't
allergic to it and she eyes him up as he goes through the door.
Definitely a lady with an appetite for the men.
Lorraine is entertaining Spider. Over a candlelit dinner,
she says she feels they have not seen as much of each other recently.
"No" is Spider's almost disinterested reply. She apologies
for neglecting him, she has been busy with her course work.
She decides it's time to grasp the nettle - he is probably
wondering why she asked him over tonight - "what do you think
about moving in here together?"
The look of sheer horror on Spider's face is a picture.
To the background strains of Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes'
"If you don't know me by now" we hear a horrified Spider
asking "Us? What? Living together?"
Lorraine says that, initially it came up as a practical
idea, as she wouldn't be able to afford the rent on her own, but
the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a good
idea. What does he think?
Spider is squirming, "very nice" and other
platitudes emanate from his lips.
Does he want to think about it?
"Erm, mmmm, yeah."
What does he think of the idea in principle?
"Erm, dunno."
He can say no, if he wants, she won't be offended,
she tells him, no-one is going to force him.
"Alright then, no....I'd rather not."
She looks hurt, but it's too late, the only option
is to make light of his refusal. That's fine, if he doesn't feel
ready for it yet.
"No, not yet."
He doesn't mind her raising the subject?
"Oh no, not at all" (but the eyes tell a
different story.)
If he's not ready for it yet, that's fine, it was just
a thought.
Embarrassed silence as both reach for their wine glasses
for a comforting swig.
Outside Kevin's place, he, Alison and the girls have
just got into the car and are ready to set off for their weekend
away. "everybody ready?" asks Kevin. "Yeahhhhhh"
is reply. Alison is in the driver's seat, she looks in the mirror
and starts the car.
Nita is coming out of Elliott's Emporium, "See
you tomorrow Maud", she calls, locking up the shop. As she
walks down the street, Ashley has come around the corner - he
calls her, but she neither sees nor hears him. She gets into the
passenger seat of a Mercedes, parked around the corner. In the
driver's seat is a middle-aged Asian man, "Nita, my dear,
for the last 20 minutes, I have been sitting here, watching the
marvellous flow of your customers." She replies, "so
hurry up and buy it, I nearly got rumbled today down at the Cash
and Carry and it weren't funny." The man laughs and strokes
her chin. "Honestly my darling, you are doing a fine job
and I'm very proud of you. He reaches over and kisses her on the
cheek. "Give over being so soppy" she says, as he laughs,
starts the car and they drive off. Ashley has been watching these
events, but unable to hear what is going on, a puzzled and hurt
look on his face....
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits...
Episode written by Sally Wainwright
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? Well, not a lot of action
but that didn't stop this being an enjoyable one, with some fine
bits of dialogue and acting, especially from Jack and Vera, Eunice
Gee and Spider. The bickering which occurs when people are under
pressure was done well in the various Jack and Vera scenes. With
the Websters, the scenario following a marriage breakdown, when
a third party suddenly appears is also being handled realistically
- the petty jealousies, the games played using children as pawns,
etc. Gareh and Judeh caught in their dilemma was captured well,
as was the plight of Spider trying to bat outside his league
with Nita.
Very pleasing to see the return of Meg Johnson as
Eunice Gee, some 17 years after she left the Street and to welcome
the debut on Coronation Street of Saeed Jaffrey as Ravi Desai,
Nita's father. Saeed is one of the most able Asian actors around
and his presence, in what will be a high profile character on
the Street, is something to which I have been looking forward,
ever since it was announced - my wife has worked in ethnic communities
for many years, I was brought up in one and even though there
is an element of racial stereotyping in his casting as a shop
owner, it is a very realistic one and very much a part of British
life. The portrayal on Coronation Street of the multiracial society
that is now Britain is long overdue, but will be enhanced in
any case, by the presence of such a respected actor as a cast
member.
Stepping back a bit, the pace of the programme has
slowed down dramatically in the last few weeks and this is giving
the writers and characters an opportunity to shine. Yep, although
I wasn't an enemy of Park during his reign, I have to say that
I am pleased by the way things are developing.
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care... Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 24 January
Ahem - my latest update ever, this week. A whole *week*
late. There's been three pages of notes [Ros, how do you manage
*14* !] on my desk for days and days and yet it's taken me this
long to turn them into lots of luvverly 0's and 1's and despatch
them to you.
After Christmas, life has been a bit of a drudge in
these parts. I am desperately trying to get our kitchen finished
before we head off for a much anticipated family holiday in Florida,
as it's Mrs L's XXth birthday on the day after we return, and
there is a party coming up mere days after that. Thus, I have
spent almost every evening and weekend deep in dust, Polyfilla,
paint and wallpaper paste. At very long last, it all seems to
be coming together, and I have been promised a complete holiday
from all housey things for the rest of the year. But the real
killer has been having nothing to do at work [where I sit now]
- believe me, this is far far worse than having too much to do,
or just c**p to do.
Anyway, two weeks of escapist nonsense and serious
beachbumming coming up very soon now [I will be handing over the
reins to the very capable Annie and that man CP] - with a bit
of luck I can banish this rather jaded feeling and put a more
positive spin on life in the near future.
I'm sure that's more than enough of my twaddle - let's
get on with this [or rather last] week's show...
Act 1
The curtain rises at Eunice Gee's B&B, where the proprietoress
offers Jack another fried egg for his breakfast. Jack is in seventh
heaven - not being needled every 5 minutes by Vera about his diet
and lifestyle. But wait... Vera puts the boot in and explains
to Eunice that she'll be feeding a corpse at this rate. He admits
he's supposed to be watching his cholesterol levels. Vera adds
that they'll not be staying long anyway, so maybe she'll have
that fried egg. Jack has to get off to work. "I thought you'd
retired ?", says Eunice. Well, he has, but Natalie has asked
him back in, to give her the benefit of his many years of experience.
"Teach her the tricks of the trade", he explains. Eunice
tells him it'll be muesli for tomorrow's breakfast. Jack grimaces.
Gail arrives in the Kabin, to buy some sweets for the
kids. [Yes folks, it's a health special this evening.] She finds
Sally perusing the small ads in the local paper, looking for rented
accommodation. She'd been very disappointed with the flat she'd
seen the night before, it was dirty and scruffy and not in a nice
area. She'll not impress her solicitors, staying somewhere like
that, and it'll be vital for her custody hearing that she's settled
in suitable accommodation. Her eyes light up when she spots a
more promising place - 2-bed terraced house with garden. Off she
goes, leaving Gail to chat with Rita and Sharon, who is helping
out while Leanne is on holiday. Sharon drops a real clanger when
she asks how Brian is - Gail and the kids are well, how is he
? To her credit, Gail is neither angry nor flustered, and she
explains that Brian was killed about 10 years ago, and she's married
to Martin now, who is David's father. After she leaves, Sharon
tells Rita how awful she feels.
Natalie has called a staff meeting in the Rovers, and
is not best pleased with Jack who only just manages to arrive
on time. She announces that they are having a "special"
that evening - half-price beer. Jack tries to dampen her enthusiasm
by telling her he's seen it all before. The brewery have a pile
of ale that is fast approaching its sell-by date. If they can't
shift it, then it'll have to go down the drain, so they offer
it to their pubs cheap. But he says there's little mark-up on
it and it won't necessarily be appreciated by the customers anyway.
And the bar staff will be rushed off their feet all night, for
little or no extra profit. They fail to agree on this, and he
and Martin head off to open up. Lorraine looks down - she tells
Natalie that she won't be renting her house after all. "I
was going to share it... but not any more."
Back at the B&B, Eunice finds Vera in the sitting-room,
looking more than a little bored. "You're lonely without
your Jack !", she observes. [And it's probably true, although
I would doubt the opposite applies !] She persuades Vera to come
into town on a shopping trip. [Women never say no to this..]
Behind the bar, Martin wants to know if it's OK to
sell stale beer. Natalie says it's not stale, it's just, well,
mature. In the background, Lorraine is sulking. Natalie tells
Martin that she's had "a disappointment".
Ken and Deirdre are having a drink and a natter. Her
mother is driving her mad. Ever the politician, Ken points out
that it *must* be better than having Jackie Dobbs and her son
staying. Deirdre isn't so sure.
Round by the payphone, Sally is having no luck getting
through to the person with the house to let. Sharon, meanwhile,
is still coming to terms with Brian's death. [Now there's some
history here, but it comes from an era when I either wasn't watching
the show at all, or wasn't paying attention. To be honest, I don't
remember Sharon. I think I was too busy doing what 21 year olds
do...]
Ashley drops into the corner shop on his lunch break.
Maud passes comment that he's in a lot these days, but for once
he doesn't seem to wanting to try his luck with Nita. He tells
Maud that he'd seen her being picked up by a bloke in a flash
car with air conditioning and leather seats. [Notice to colonialists
- air-con is the new big thing here. It's just about standard
on your decent-sized family car now, but in the backstreets of
somewhere like Weatherfield, it'll be a talking point.] Nita pops
her head in and notes that it also has a CD player. She's not
happy at being "spied on" by Ashley, and although he
tries to deny it, he's not convincing. He skulks away. Maud sticks
up for him by telling Nita that he just likes the look of her,
and where's the harm in that ?
More relationship woes back in the Rovers, where Lorraine
attempts to patch things up with Spider, who uses the wondrous
"no hard feelings" line and tells her that living together
is too formal for him. [Spider, my lad, she might say "no
hard feelings", but this grievance will be stored away, *never*
to be forgotten, and likely to resurface at any time for any reason.]
She offers to see him that evening, but he is cool at best. Has
she done something wrong ? Just say so, if I have ? "Whatever",
replies Spider. It starts to dawn on Lorraine that all is not
well. "What are you trying to say ?", she pleads. [Do
you all get "Ally McBeal" ? At this point, we'd surely
be getting the dumpster shots with Lorraine pitching head over
heels into the trash...] Spider tells her it's over. She's baffled.
Take a hint, he says, getting more exasperated. "You're dumping
me !!". Whyyyyy ?????? There's only one reason, he observes
enigmatically, "work it out". [No wonder she's confused.
I am. You need at least three reasons to get off the hook !]
Sally finally gets through on the phone. The house
sounds fine - can she come round and see it today ? A quizzical
look crosses her face as she says the other party "sounds
familiar". There is agreement from the other end, and then
Sally says "oh no, not YOU !". She hangs up, and Natalie
comes through from the back, grinning. Even Sally manages a slight
smile at the coincidence.
Intermission
[I've not even listed the ads in my notes. They must have been
real bad...]
Act 2
We resume where we left off, with Natalie and Sally discussing
the house. It's clear that Sally has cooled off on the idea, but
Natalie has no qualms. She has somewhere to rent, and Sally needs
somewhere to live. It's more than suitable for her needs, and
it's local. And, furthermore, Natalie doesn't think Sally will
be leaving the taps running this time...
It's "Fright Night" again, as Jackie arrives,
pleased to find Les apparently alone. "Buy us a drink, love",
she coos at him. He quietens her down, saying that Janice is in
the bog, and he doesn't want her catching him talking to Jackie
again. But good news - Janice is off to see her mother, and he'll
be back in later. They agree to pool their resources, and get
smashed. [Yet more healthy advice !]
Eunice and Vera have returned from their retail therapy
session, and are in the cafe having a cuppa. Gail chats to Eunice
about Fred, now departed. [And rather sad that in real life, Fred
Feast is not at all well.] Eunice notes that she has landed on
her feet, despite that. Gail asks Vera if she is still looking
for work. "Me, no !", says Vera, feigning surprise.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't take that cleaning job that Natalie
offered", says Gail. Vera tries to pass this off as a misunderstanding.
She shows Gail a new top she'd bought at the shops. Gail comments
that it's certainly not something she'd want to be wearing while
cleaning the Gents !
Sally has returned to the corner shop, to bounce her
feelings about Natalie's offer off Rita. It's alright, but it's
only got two bedrooms. [Strange that this has not been a problem
at her old house.] Rita thinks it's a gift, and she shouldn't
be bothered who owns it. Sally will get much more out of the arrangement
than Natalie.
Jack is back at the B&B when the ladies return,
shopping bags in hand. He groans when he sees these. [And boy
do I know that feeling !] Vera tells him that she'd only bought
one little thing, but that Eunice had been spending money like
no-one's business. "She's minted ! This place must be a gold-
mine !" Jack hasn't forgotten that she'd said exactly the
same thing about the Rovers when they bought that. Vera looks
too determined to be put off by his protests.
It's very busy at the Rovers, as the half-price offer
has brought in lots of customers. Jackie is several sheets to
the wind as she staggers to the bar to order two more pints. Lorraine
is not sure whether she should serve her. Elsewhere, Blanche continues
to berate Deirdre for ever leaving Ken. [It's an inspired bit
of casting, Deirdre's Mum, they look *so* alike.] Deirdre looks
very tired of this record, which seems to be going round and round
and round...
Whatever happened to Jackie, Lorraine is determined
not to server Spider, until he tells her why he wants to split
up. She refuses to budge, and he eventually blurts out that "she
doesn't do anything for him any more". "We've got nothing
in common", he concludes. She looks... dumped.
Sally has arrived and is in the back with Natalie.
They agree terms on the house, and Sally can move in the next
day. Natalie warns her that she doesn't want her and her house
to get dragged into anything between Kevin and Sally.
Deirdre and Blanche have returned to Deirdre's flat
to get away from the excessively busy atmosphere in the Rovers.
As she brews up, Deirdre tries to steer the conversation around
to the topic of Blanche returning to her own home. A nice little
bit of banter between them as Deirdre tries to make gentle suggestions,
which Blanche takes at face value, saying she must just want rid
of her mother. Why Deirdre doesn't just answer with "Mum,
it's my house and much as I love you, sometimes I just like to
be on my own !", well that's a mystery, and a rather uneasy
conclusion is reached when Blanche agrees that she *will* go home.
But not for another two weeks or so.
Ken and Emily are failing to get served at the bar.
Surrounded by virtual strangers, they're not best pleased at the
invasion of their local. An odd pairing of Gary and Linda [from
the factory] are sat opposite Les and Jackie, both of whom are
looking somewhat green around the gills. Les heads off to the
toilet in a hurry, leaving Gary wondering what can be the matter
with them, as he feels fine. Jackie slides down her seat, almost
unable to sit upright. She decides maybe she should head off home,
and Linda offers to help.
As they stagger down the street, they are watched by
Sharon and Sally, who appear to be loitering with intent to accost
estranged husbands. Sure enough, Kevin and Alison and the girls
arrive home. [I think they've just had a brief holiday, it's getting
a bit hazy this...] Sally rushes over, against Sharon's advice
not to get involved, to establish motherly rights with her daughters,
but Kevin gives her short shrift. It's late and they're almost
asleep. As she tries to protest, he shuts the house door in her
face. Across the street, Sharon shakes her head...
This episode was written by Catherine Hayes.
I'm surely not the first [in fact I may be the last]
updater to notice a distinct change in style from the show's
new producer. [Director ?] Instead of somewhat clumsy attempts
to make many shows end in cliff-hangers, or have ridiculous personality
changes every 5 minutes in order to serve some greater purpose,
we seem to quite frequently get episodes where a whole lot of
little things move along, such that when I get to this point
of the proceedings, it's not always easy to come to a firm conclusion
about whether it was a poor episode, or a great one. [Especially
when it's a week old, and I'm trying hard to forget that I've
seen 4 more in the meantime !]
Tonight's show was - OK. Some nice moments, some awkward
moments, nothing especially excrutiating, with the singular exception
of... Sally the mother hen, now hell-bent on almost certainly
creating an air of complete discord with Kevin. As the vult^h^h^h^h
lawyers gather, I expect this to go from bad to worse.
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***
John Laird
Monday 25 January
Hi again! :)
Right, second Update on the trot for me tonight, so
I'll rush through the prologue and skip straight into the action
which, thankfully, is a return to the currently stunning form
we've become accustomed to. I don't know quite what happened
with last Monday's episode, but at least whatever it was seems
to have passed for now. :)
So here we go...
Unfortunately, we open on a low note with the positively
psychotic Sickly Webster accompanying her unsuspecting brood across
the road to Number Six. "What do you think of this house?",
she crows, "Everything's new and clean!" (which further
re-enforces suspicions of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). The
gurrls look about as impressed as ever (ie: Not very) and, just
then, Kevin comes round the corner to ask "what's wrong"...
"Nothing's wrong", twitches Sally, her eyes ablaze with
lunacy, "I'm just showing the gurrrls our new home... This
is where we're going to be living... I'm renting it off your old
friend Natalie!" - Kevin, obviously, is in utter disbelief
of this and, as Sickly escorts the gurrls onwards to school, he
looks on, speechless.
Thankfully, a slightly more harmonious scene follows,
as the Malletts sit at home, Judy nursing one of the twins (aww).
Just as Gary is leaving for work, he turns back and asks "Do
you think it's time we started thinking about the Christening?",
something which doesn't go down too well with his wife, who seems
firmly against the idea. Not only does she think that the only
reason Gareh wants one is so as he can have a booze-up afterwards
but, on top of that, she reminds him that they Christened Katie
and "much good it did her" (ouch). "Why go pestering
some vicar we've never seen before to do his stuff?" she
enquires... Reluctantly, he nods and heads off to work.
So we cut across to the Bed N Breakfast, where Vera
is violently chewing the end off some toast, rottweiler-stylee,
whilst the absolutely WONDERFUL Eunice Gee is cooking some kippers
for Jack in the kitchen. He reminds Vee that she has to be out
to the Job Centre this morning, but she is less than enthusiastic
about such matters. That is, until Eunice dishes up the kippers
and V balks in disgust! "ARGH!" she screeches, "I
can't ABIDE kippers! I wouldn't even have 'em in the house!"
to which Eunice brilliantly responds: "Well you know what
they say about men... If they can't get it at home, they look
for it elsewhere!" - Luckily, the stench of the kippers is
so much for poor ol' Vera that she completely disregards this
line and heads off sharpish into town... Leaving Jack with the
gleefully OTT Mrs Gee. "The kippers are to your liking then,
Jack?" she asks, to rapturous nodding... "Good, I like
to see a man enjoying himself... Can I ask you a favour? It's
just that I've got no man of my own to do it. I'd like you to
get something up for me, if you would" (ooer). It transpires
that all she wants him to do is fix up a wooden shelf for the
kitchen, a task he is seemingly quite pleased to take on. (In
case I forget to say it again later, Meg Johnson, as Eunice Gee,
is *brilliant*! Keep her on, I say, keep her on! She is a megastar!)
The following scene, in contrast to all that hilarity,
just broke my heart, however... Gail and Sir Royston Of Cropper
are behind the counter in the Cafe and she asks him if he's given
up on the Operatic Society. He admits that he has, because he's
got "no talent for it", "is no singer" and
"never will be" adding "Hayley *is* a good singer
and I don't want to be holding her back". Gail is a tad confused,
but Roy explains "It's the way these things work, Gail. Without
me, she's got a big future in the Operatic Society. Star parts!
She's very talented you know... *sigh* I wish I'd never gone near
the Operatic Society..." - He continues by moaning that they
hold an annual dance to which Hayley and he have been invited.
He is dreadfully distraught however since, whilst Lady H is "looking
forward to dancing the night away", he has "two left
feet" and "among the 101 things I *cannot* do, dancing
tops the list!" (awwwww, Roy!) - Gail suggests that he goes
to learn dancing explaining that "people do"... At this
point, Roy grumbles, with *unbelievable* self- laceration, "People,
yeah. It's alright for *them*"... (A top scene. David Neilson
and Helen Worth both on wonderful form, as ever! Extra- Kudos
to scriptwriter John Stevenson for that last line.)
In the Cornershop, meanwhile, dearest Auntie Emily
is chatting to Maud and Nita, bemoaning the fact that "there
were more drunken people in the Rovers last night than I've seen
for many a day". Vera, who is shopping around, says that
she'd "better not say much" (this would make a change!)
since Jack still works there, adding that it's "not his fault
the place has gone downhill"! Emily is concerned about where
The Duckies are living since they're no longer at the Rovers,
so Vee recounts the whole story of the Bed N Breakfast, of running
into Eunice Gee again and of how they plan to buy somewhere themselves
soon. "Good", pipes Maud, "because we wouldn't
want to lose your custom", which prompts Vee to suggest that
she *could* be more than a customer... Yep, she's fishing for
a job! Nita spots this instantly and puts her foot down claiming
snappily that they don't need any help. Hmm... Anyway, enough
of that, let's cut to the FUN!
Blanche Hunt (YAY!) and Ken sit in the Rovers, having
a quiet drink at a table. "What are we going to do about
Deirdre?" sighs Blanche with extreme gusto, "Life's
passing her by!"... Ken thinks that, to be fair, Deirdre
deserves a bit of quiet after all the things she's been through
of late but Blanche hoots "If her life gets any quieter,
she might as well be dead!" - Things get even *better* as
Mother Hunt continues with "Aye, she should never have split
up with you. She *knows* that. Oooh, the times she's said that
to me", laying on the drama to maximum effect. Needless to
say, Ken is taken aback by this revelation and wants to know more.
Blanche plasters it on: "She's PINING away for you, Ken.
The other night, I wake up, and I can hear sobbin'. I peep round
the living room door and there she is sobbin' her heart out...
CLUTCHING your wedding photo!"... Ken looks mystified! Incidentally,
by this point, I was laughing my socks off. Maggie Jones is, without
any question or argument, a SUPERSTAR! The day she leaves the
Street again will be a black one for it's residents. Honestly,
I could write a whole paragraph on how brilliantly this woman
plays Blanche Hunt but rather than bore you with that sort of
sycophantic claptrap, I'll skip to the next scene...
It's inside Number Six and Sally is blah-blah-blahing
away, as she does, to Rita. Just then there's a bang on the door
and it's Kevin, who is not best pleased *at all* by Sally's renting
of the house. They row and shout about the whole malarky and,
as ever, reach no conclusion. "You just want me to disappear"
she dribbles (and, oh yes, we do!!! we do!!!), "But I'm not
going to, Kevin!" (DOH!)... "I've found a nice place
for me and the gurrls to live in. With me, Kevin and NOT WITH
YOU. This is just the place. It's near their school and it's near
their friends..." (Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't
this argument *totally* defunct since it's less than a stone's
throw from Kevin's House anyhow??)
Quick cut (mercifully) back to Blanche and Ken, where
she is slowly winning him round to believing her. "'The happiest
days of my life were with Ken', she tells me", enthuses Blanche
about Deidre, almost sobbing, "Then she says 'If only we
could start again'"... Ken explains that only a few months
ago he *tried* to 'start again' and was told it wasn't happening
but Blanche reassures him: "I'm sure your timing was all
wrong. She's got her pride, Ken! You'll have to woo her, that's
what you'll have to do... Woo her!!!" - Never mind "Woo
HER", can I say "Woo HOO"? This looks like it's
going to be a *CORKER* of a storyline if they play it right!!
Just then, Kevin storms into the pub and is furious
that Natalie has rented her house to Sally. It seems his intention
was to get Sally as far away as possible from the gurrls (with
good reason too!) and he is taking it personally that Nat has
made the sale. She attempts to explain that her intentions are
pure but the Manic Mechanic rants on about how they're all conspiring
against him and he'll "never believe anything a woman tells
him again"!... (*groan* Just as we were moving his character
into more endearing territory and he has to go and show what a
misogynistic wanky little bonehead he really is, once again!)...
Natalie reminds him that Alison is indeed a woman and, so too,
are his beloved little gurrls. Hopefully, this'll snap some sense
back into him, but before we can see if it does, it's time for
the commercial break!
END OF PART ONE
The break is as dreary as ever, this time mostly relating
to cars and savings accounts.
PART TWO
So, back to the fun. Sharon and Sickly are unloading boxes from
the latter's van (Where did she get this van, BTW? Anyone? Anyone?)
and taking them into Number Six. Just then Judy Mallett comes
strolling down the street, wheeling the twins in a pushcart (aww).
Sal says "hi" and introduces Sharon and Judeh before
turning on the sick-o-meter. "Have you heard?" she begins,
smiling as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, "I'm moving
into Natalie Barnes' old place so I'll be getting Rursie and Surphie
again!" and of course Judy, not knowing the full story, is
pleased for her... It's a bit windy, so Judy wants to take the
twins back indoors, which leaves Sharon 'N' Sally to take the
next lot of boxes into the house. Once indoors, Sickly starts
up *AGAIN* with her crap. She explains about how she sells the
boxes of knickers down the market, "four days a week",
in the freezing cold, because, she claims "I don't get anything
off Kevin, you know" (ouch). She is such a manipulating little
cow and it seems that Sharon (who of course, knows NOTHING of
the whole Greg Kelly fiasco) is taking pity on her! Anyhow, Sharon
remarks excitedly and enthusiastically that this is a really nice
house and she would love somewhere like this once she gets married
in a few weeks time. Sally, proving once more that she *is* vile
and thoroughly inconsiderate, murmurs "Yeah, I was happy
at first. For a good few years. Then everything started going
wrong" adding "If and when you start thinking about
kids, you'll know exactly how I'm feeling right now!" - Sharon
looks devastated by Sally's pathetically embittered interpretation
of 'well-wishing'.
Meanwhile at the B'n'B, Eunice is serving tea for herself
and Vera as they discuss money, work and men. The Marvellous Mrs
Gee comes up with an great line in the form of "You know,
I always think men are a bit like fires - If you don't feed them,
they go out!"... She continues to say that she's tired of
all the work involved with running a Bed And Breakfast, adding
that what *she* needs is a man to "take care of the little
things, get your blockages unstuffed and put a bit of oil on whatever's
creaking" (Ooh, matron!) continuing to say how impressed
she was by "Jack's hands", when he fixed the shelf earlier.
Eventually, she admits that she's thinking of selling the business
and moving to Spain where the 'waiters' are very accomodating...
"If you know what I mean". Vera, of course, with her
eyes set on this veritable little goldmine here in Weatherfield,
enthuses that *she's* never happier than when she's working...
Over at the Malletts, Judeh is seemingly hypnotising
one of the behbehs with an oversized Crystal Of Nirab and, when
Gary enters and asks what she's doing, she responds that she's
"giving 'em something to look at. Gets their eyes moving
and their brains working". He muses that this is just what
*he* needs and that a Christening would provide a great excuse
to do just that. She sighs and tells him that such an event would
be pointless, since netiher of them go to Church, but he seems
to have his poor little heart set on it. He makes sad puppy eyes
at her, telling her that his Dad really wants to see the behbehs
Christened, as well... Finally she comes round to his way of thinking
and agrees with a huff and a puff that they'll do it.
"Great!" he chirps, "So who do you want
as Godparents?" :) (A pint for the winning guess!)
The Rovers is bustling, as Vera tells Jack across the
bar that Eunice is thinking of selling up. She enthuses that they
could buy it off her and look after the place, but Jack, forever
longing for the simple life, sighs and tells her it doesn't sound
like a good idea... Meanwhile, over at the same table she was
sitting at earlier with Ken, Blanche is now sitting with Deidre
(one could safely say she hasn't moved all day!)...
Blanche: "It's tragic, you know! You sitting in
the pub with your mother..." Deirdre: "Well, YOU said
it, although I've been tempted to!" Blanche: "You should
be sitting here with your man." Deirdre: "Well as soon
as I get one, Mother, you'll be the first to know!" Blanche:
"But you've got one! Anytime you want, crying out for you!"
Deirdre: (Snorts) "And who's this?" Blanche: "You
know damn well! Ken! He worships the ground you walk on."
Deirdre: (Tiredly) "Ever since I was a little kid, you've
been telling me these fantasy tales. You used to say that if I
didn't eat me carrots I'd go blind!" Blanche: "Well...
You do wear glasses, don't you? Now see, this is right, what I'm
telling you. That man poured his heart out to me today. He's still
mad about you and he'd love for you and him to get back together."
Deirdre: (Shocked) "I thought he'd got over all that! He
did talk about getting back together a few months ago but I put
him straight. Nah! There's no chance of that!" Blanche: "I'll
tell you this, Deirdre. I don't see anybody else suffering. And
you're not getting any younger!" Deirdre: (Sarcastically)
"Well thankyou Mother, you just made my night!"
YES! Blanche Hunt is *wonderful*, absolutely *wonderful*!
Please stay!
Sadly, such mirth can't be sustained as we cut to Kevin's
house, where Sickly storms in, demanding to take the gurrls over
the road, so that they can 'choose their bedrooms' (bear in mind
it's quite late at night by now...). Kevin, understandably, tells
her to come back the next morning since the gurrls are currently
being put to bed and read a story by Alison (awww, what a great
gal!) but Sickly decides to make a scene out of it, yelling and
bawling needlessly vitriolic nonsense. Alison, The Voice Of Sweet
Reason, soon appears at the living room door and tells them to
pipe down since the gurrls can hear them from upstairs. Kev is
genuinely sorry and apologises but Sickly shouts "DON'T YOU
TELL ME HOW TO BEHAVE!" then storms out in the most puerile
of ways.
In the Rovers again, Ken enters just as Deirdre and
Blanche are leaving. He offers them a drink but the Drear declines
polite, preferring to go home to bed. As they leave, Blanche gets
in one final dig: "You stay if you want one!" she whispers
and when Deirdre snaps "I don't!!", Old Mother Hunt
tuts "Oh, you're a stubborn cow, you!" and ushers her
daughter out of the pub!! LOL! Ken makes for the bar, meanwhile,
and talks briefly with Rita, fishing to find out whether Deirdre
has ever "mentioned him" in passing during her visits
to the Kabin. Big Red tells him that "she's mentioned her
Mother enough times" but unfortunately, not a word about
him...
Across the room, a deeply surreal little interlude
ensues: Les Battersby yells "OI! NATALIE!", which translated
from Pig-To-Human means that he wishes to procure further pints
of beer for himself and his companion (Margi/Jackie)... They are
both half-cut already and slurring somewhat, I should add. Suddenly,
from out of nowhere *AN OVERWHELMINGLY TANNED* Janice (Is she
auditioning for a part in Mike Plowman's "Warrior Princess"
movie??) storms in, shouting that he "must be drunk, standing
here supping with that trollop!"... As she *literally* (yes,
LITERALLY) drags him out of the pub (!) he screams merrily "You
see her problem! She just can't get enough!" and so endeth
the scene! Go figure...?
Back at the Bed N Brek, Eunice is also rather sloshed,
slurping as she does from a glass of sherry (visibly not her first!)...
Jack and Vera return home and catch her in the act. "Ooh,
you are lucky, Vera" she coos, by way of greeting "You've
got a real sparkler there in Jack!"... They are interrupted
by a screeching sound from above and Eunice explains that it's
just "Mr Clegg" on the top floor. "He's playing
his violin with the door open again!", she tsks, "I've
him 'til I'm sick of telling him! Mind you, he is very clean in
his ways... But he'd be fiddling away all night if I let him!!!"
(ooer!) - As the Grand Dame of Gee heads off upstairs to stop
the fiddling, Vera whispers further to Jack about her adamant
desire to buy the place. She has her heart set on it and seemingly
won't take 'no' for an answer!
So, the final scene of tonight's episode is set in
Number Six. A humbled Kevin comes round to request that he and
Sally sort things out quietly and come to a decent arragement.
No chance, as she quickly tells him *exactly* how she plans to
do things. She has no intention of just having the gurrls on the
weekends and tells him that she'll fight dirty if she has to:
"You shouldn't have taken them away last weekend",
she says, threateningly and (scarily) in all seriousness.
"I asked you first" he replies, flabbergasted
that she could even have brought up such a strange matter.
"Well that's not what I'll be saying in court",
she states, almost in whispers, "I'll be saying you broke
our agreement..."
"You can't say that!" he shrieks, in shock.
"Watch me..." : Cue credits!
Phew. A great show all round, pretty much, courtesy
of John Stevenson. I suppose I really *ought* to give Kudos to
Sally Whittaker for managing to portray such a LOATHSOME and
VILE character as the one that Sally Webster has morphed into.
I had to almost turn away from the screen in disgust at times,
she was so horrible. This character is now devoid of any positive
personality traits and I hope that she gets one almighty comeuppance
sometime in the near future (and then proceeds to BOG OFF!)!
I'm not a fan of Kevin at all, but even he doesn't deserve HER!
The girl's gone bonkers!
Anyway, Meg Johnson and Maggie Jones as Eunice and
Blanche, respectively, stole the show tonight. The former being
a wildly out-of-control innuendo machine of perfect comic timing
and the latter just being so unutterably brilliant in her role
that words fail me. Certainly watching the truly priceless exchanges
between her and Anne Kirkbride as Deirdre is an utter joy to
behold!
So, that's my Update Duty done for this week and I
apologise again for putting out two in a row but that's just
the way it's been. Hope you've enjoyed them both. :)
'Til Next Time! :)
The Rattler
This Monday Update was sponsored
by Iced Earth (what I was listening to) and Stella Artois (what
I was drinking...)
Wednesday 27 January
Garrison Keillor always used to begin his splendid
radio broadcasts with the words "It's been a quiet week
in Lake Woebegone", before going on to describe how in fact
merry hell had broken out in that small fictional Minnesota township.
Bristol has felt a bit that way this week. For one thing, the
sun broke through for one day only after the seemly endless rain
of the last few weeks. And then again, there are elections in
the air, you can smell it around the Council House, and the battleground
this year is around the regeneration of the old city docks -
most of which is now a derelict eyesore but is being transformed
into a major new, living, breathing, neighbourhood in which to
work, play, shop and live. In a few years time I hope to look
on an exciting new urban development and say to myself "I
did that!" - or at least I played my part. But of course,
not everybody agrees, and controversy rages. When one of the
developments comes before the Citywide Planning Committee, nobody
facing re-election wants to be seen to be responsible for difficult
and controversial decisions, so of course it's time to call Ros
to hold the fort. And a fine time I had of it too!
Still, keeping the peace before a packed public gallery
and a heated debate is one thing, some of the quieter things
we have to face, out of the public eye, are much more difficult.
I had to chair a Benefit Review Board on Thursday, and it's soul-destroying
to have to tell a desperate man, who has been taken for a ride
by the DSS, is heavily in debt to his landlord as a result, and
whose English is only marginally better than my Urdu, that however
much we sympathise with his plight, it would be illegal for us
to backdate his housing benefit. It's at times like this that
one is especially grateful to have Coronation Street to fall
back on.
Which brings us to a B&B, somewhere in Weatherfield,
where Vera is picking over her breakfast...
"Are you not hungry?" asks Jack, concerned.
But it transpires that she's not turning her nose up at her plate,
she's carefully costing everything on it. "Say fifteen pee
for the egg... No, actually, it's more like ten pee, I've seen
your pigeons lay bigger eggs".
Jack is bemused.
"These sausages are definitely Freshco Economy!"
asserts Vera. One wonders in that case what it was that Vera served
up when she catered in the Rovers. "She must be raking it
in". Jack points out that Eunice also has overheads. "I
still reckon she's making a big profit" says Vera, not to
be put down. She makes more than a crust, she's rolling in it!
Jack tries to tell her that it's Eunice who gets up
at 5 o'clock every morning, and stands there all day cooking and
cleaning and hoovering. But it isn't harder than running a pub,
and Vera isn't afraid of hard work. To Jack, the answer to this
is logical, why doesn't she have a word with Natalie? No chance!
But if she's so keen on cooking and flaming cleaning why not clean
at the Rovers? asks Jack, growing ever more exasperated with her.
But Vera's system of logic is quite different. She wants to be
a landlady again, not run around with a dustpan and brush in a
pub they used to own.
Eunice scurries in cheerfully, she wants their plates,
she doesn't want to rush them but she's got an appointment with
her manicurist. Jack smiles broadly "Yes you can have mine
and very nice it was too!" Eunice flirts, "And it's
nice to be appreciated". Vera is still eating hers, so Eunice
leaves her to it. "She's making a fortune if she can have
manicures - and the sausages are definitely Freshco Economy"
she maintains, holding one up on her fork. And a sad, unappetising
specimen it is too. I wonder why it reminds me of the Blackpool
ping?
At Des's house, Sally the new tenant is unpacking boxes
as Sharon, clutching a mug, stares into space. Sally is excitable,
she can't believe how much stuff she's got - well there's pink
toffee tins and a rather naff mug-tree that we see. "You're
like me," observes Sharon, "hate throwing things away".
Sally would like to throw everything away and start afresh with
everything new. Sharon sighs. "It's looking really nice Sally!".
Yes, says Sally, it's home, or it will be when the girls are here.
Sharon gives her a "don't be too sure about it" look.
The bedroom could do with a lick of paint, enthuses Sally, perhaps
she'll phone Natalie, and she could do with a couple of cheap
beds and a wardrobe for the girls. Sharon is cautious. "Isn't
that jumping the gun a bit?" Sally doesn't think so, the
court case is in a week. Sharon continues to try to control Sally's
expectations. "I'd be frightened of tempting fate if it were
me - I'm very superstitious!" But Sally will hear nothing
which will dampen her enthusiasm. Oh, bubbles Sally, she's not
superstitious, neither is her solicitor, she says nearly all the
mothers get custody. "Nearly always!" warns Sharon.
Sally doesn't want to listen. Well, it's only in exceptional circumstances
that they don't - does Sharon know something she doesn't? No,
says Sharon, she's just trying to warn Sally that it's not all
cut and dried. Because there's two sides to every story, and she
doesn't know what Kevin is going to say. Sally is rattled now,
and starting to worry about the outcome, so she blusters. "I've
a fair idea! Anyway, I'm their mother, they belong with me!"
Back at the B&B, Jack is still trying to get Vera
to see reason. He knows Vera has taken things hard. "Our
mistake were lettin' Gilroy get 'is feet under t'table!"
she says bitterly. "But at the time he helped us out of a
hole!" says Jack, in Alec's defence. "He were scheming
from day one!"
Vera, of course, is innocent of all scheming, from
day one or otherwise. She's got to think about the future, that's
why she wants to take over Eunice's place! To her surprise, Jack
tells her that's what he wants too, only there's no point in rushing
into things, and it may be another, similar, place that they take.
But Vera's mind is made up, she's worried that somebody else will
beat them to Eunice's, although it isn't on the market yet, as
soon as it is it'll be snapped up. Jack points out to her that
they can't just chuck thirty grand at a place they've never clapped
eyes on. Vera, blindly optimistic, is sure everything will work
out, though as Jack reminds her, that's what she said about the
Rovers. Jack is also worried about how they'll do the necessary
saving, with only one income coming in and most of that disappearing
into Eunice's pocket. "I'll get a job!" she insists.
When? "Soon! In fact, I think I know somebody who'll give
me a job".
Nita and Maude are working together on pricing at the
corner shop - Nita passes the items to Maude, who labels them
and passes them back for replacement on the shelf. Fred is lounging
in the background. "DO YOU EVER WAKE UP OF A MORNING AND
THINK 'I WISH I COULD JUST HAVE A LIE IN?'" Some how one
knows when Fred is up to something, and so does Maude. She gets
all the sleep she needs thank you. But, says Fred, she must be
thinking of retiring sooner or later. "Are you trying to
get shot of me?" demands Maude, "Why don't you just
spit it out?".
Fred sighs, yes, there is something on his mind. He's
decided to sell the shop. "You can't be making much profit
if you want to get shot of the place" suggests Nita.
"TURNOVER IS ONLY ONE CONSIDERATION AMONG MANY".
The upshot is, while he shall get the new owner to keep the two
of them on, it's not up to him so he can't make any promises.
"I'm sure they'll want to keep Nita on" says Maude.
Nita seems worried by this. "What makes you say that?"
"They'd be mad not to". "Well," responds Nita,
a little too defensively, "he might want to keep both of
us on." She pauses. "Or just you..." Maude somehow
doubts that. And who, we wonder perhaps, is "he"?
From inside Mike's office at Underworld, we see Vera
knocking loudly on the glass door. So that's who she thinks might
give her a job. "Come in!" he shouts. "Well, well,
that takes me back, you coming into my office!" "Yeah,"
says Vera wearily, "the good old days!" She's heard
he was taking people on, she hasn't worked on a machine for some
time but she's sure it wouldn't take her long to get back into
the swing of it. Mike doesn't know where she got her information
from but it's wrong, as a matter of fact he was thinking of laying
people off. No, not even a week's trial. "Because you're
too...", and he stops himself from blurting out tactlessly,
and takes a gentler tack. If he takes anybody on, they've got
to be in their thirties, and that's an upper limit. Vera must
be due to draw her pension, how can she keep pace with all those
younger women? The ragtrade these days is a cut-throat business.
He's very sorry. She is heartbroken.
Ken comes into the corner shop and explains to Maude
that he doesn't want to buy anything, he just wants a word with
Deirdre, who is browsing amongst the shelves. Is she doing anything
this evening, he asks, a hopeful gleam in his eye. She, taken
aback, tells him that, no, she has nothing planned. Ken suggests
that they should get together, just the two of them. She is a
little uncertain about this. Well, explains Ken, they hardly ever
see each other, how about them having a good chat? She agrees
to meet him in the Rovers later. He goes on his way while she
looks puzzled.
Back at Eunice's place, Jack is sitting in an armchair
reading the paper, while we see the landlady coming into the hallway.
"Where's?" she asks, peering warily around the door.
"Gone to see one of her mates, I think" Jack tells her.
Eunice's eyes light up with a predatory gleam as she steps into
the room waggling her fingers, tipped by bright-red nails, in
Jack's face. "Well, what do you think? Ruby Sunset!"
She was worried that the might look a little tarty but the manicurist
thought she could carry it of. Sorry, Eunice, but manicurists,
just like solicitors, tell you what you want to hear (whoops,
jumping the gun there, we haven't got to that bit yet!). Could
Jack do a little job for her, she asks, flirtily. She'd do it
herself only if she breaks her new nails it's money down the drain!
A mattress needs turning. Oh no, Jack couldn't possibly do that,
it's his back you see. Jack looks wary of Eunice's advances, but
she's spotted an even better opportunity. "I don't want to
brag," she says, "but I was born with a gift!"
She sits beside Jack and puts a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm
a healer, Jack!" she tells him softly. She has no intention
of being denied. "Take your shirt off!" she demands,
in spite of Jack's futile protests. She leans over him and grapples
with his shirt buttons. "Lie down!" she instructs. She
starts tugging at him, until the click of the front door stops
both of them short. "Hello?" calls Eunice, anxiously.
"It's only me!" comes the voice of Vera. Eunice is horror-
struck with a "caught in flagrante" look on her face.
She makes her excuses, and sidles out to see to the mattress.
Vera is dejected. No luck, she's wasting her time looking.
"I've got to face facts. I'm over the hill, nobody's going
to take me on. Listen, what time are you going to t'Rovers?"
As soon as Jack's had a wash and shave. "Well, I'll come
with you" she tells him in a resigned voice. "See if
that cleaners job's still going. And not a word to Eunice!"
Martin is at home, reading documents, as Gail comes
down the stairs. "Reading, are we?" she asks, "All
right for some, eh?". Martin explains that he's genning up
for his interview this afternoon. "The old people's home?"
asks Gail. "Er, Residential Care home, if you don't mind.
We don't call them old people any more, it's not PC! They're older
adults!". (They're called EPHs where I come from and the
hell with it!). At least he can show that he's up with the jargon,
even if he doesn't stand a cat in Hell's chance of getting the
job, with his references. "Might as well have 'Rubbish Nurse'
tattooed across my forehead" he tells Gail forlornly. Well,
at least he's got an interview, suggests Gail. Maybe it's the
way he tells them. Maybe if, instead of fretting waiting to be
asked, he tackled the subject head-on?
Jack and Vera enter the Rovers. Natalie sees them,
and looks down, embarrassed. Jack and Vera exchange nervous glances.
Jack nods at Vera to go and ask Natalie straight. She whispers,
loudly, "After what she did top me?" Just think of it
as a means to an end, urges Jack. So Vera nervously approaches
Natalie and Natalie looks wary. With Jack looking on from a distance,
she asks "'Ave yer got a minute? Only I'd like a word. In
private."
I N T E R M I S S I O N
One thing of note about the ads - the world's first TV ad aimed
at cats is proclaimed. It is for Whiskas Singles and comprises
a series of images of mice, birds, cat toys, balls of wool being
pulled sharply out of the way, and shots of bowls of cat food,
accompanied by sounds of mice and birds, miaows and purring.
The announcer said make sure your cat is watching, so I aroused
Alice from her slumber on the sofa. She looked languidly, yawned
widely, jumped down and ambled off to the kitchen in search of
a snack. Not impressed I guess!
Back in the Rovers, Natalie moodily leads Vera into
the back room and looks on haughtily, her back to the fireplace
and her arms crossed defensively in front of her. Vera breaks
the silence. "I just thought I'd come and see if, er, that
cleaning job was still going". "And here was me thinking
you were going to apologise". Vera wonders why she should
apologise, but Natalie reminds her that she has said some very
hurtful things lately. "Yer want blood don't yer!" accuses
Vera. "Look, it took a lot for me to come here". Natalie
knows that. "So yer want me to grovel, do yer? Well TOUGH".
This job interview doesn't seem to be going too well. Natalie,
though, would be happy to have Vera back, but she doesn't want
to think that it would be under duress, and she certainly doesn't
want to walk into the bar in the morning to see Vera with a long
face. So, they can start afresh, when can Vera start? "Well,
I can start tomorrow if you like" she says, without enthusiasm.
"Not sooner?" asks Natalie, disappointed. Well the place
could do with sprucing up, there's a beer promotion going on.
"Just one hour? For me?". Vera sighs resignedly, her
arm well and truly twisted.
Martin gets out of his car in some lush suburb of Weatherfield,
and looks up at the large, detached Victorian villa, before apprehensively
approaching the front door and staring at it without ringing.
A voice calls "Martin Platt?" The man getting out of
the car introduces himself as Gerald Lickley, the owner, as he
comes running up breathlessly with outstretched hand. He's sorry
he wasn't there first to roll out the red carpet (for a Care Assistant?
Hmm, alarm bells are ringing in my head already and ought to be
in Martin's). It seems they don't often get applicants of Martin's
calibre. A sulky young man in a white coat, introduced as Mark,
opens the door. Mark will show Martin round the place before they
have a chat in Gerald's office. "Try and give a good impression,
won't you Mark?" says Gerald. Mark looks resentful, there
is clearly no love lost between the two of them, and somewhere
deep inside me something wants to scream at Martin "DON'T
DO IT! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!" But although Martin's face registers
that he senses something not right, he follows Mark as the latter
grunts and leads the way upstairs.
Vera is grumpily wiping the Rovers bar. Lorraine, behind
the bar, confronts Spider on the customer side. The course of
true love has clearly not run smoothly. Indicating Vera with a
nod of her head, Lorraine reproves Spider. "Fat lot of good
your childish protest did, look!" "There's nothing wrong
with having a few principles", he insists, priggishly. "So
self-righteous - I don't know what I ever saw in you!" she
taunts. "Well, the feeling's mutual", snarls Spider.
Jack intervenes to warn Spider against saying anything about Vera.
"She's very touchy".
Sally is sitting at a table with Rita, pouring out
her anxieties about the forthcoming custody battle. "I can't
stop thinking Rita, what if he did get custody? It'd destroy me!"
Rita tries hard to reassure her. "According to your solicitor
it's not going to happen!". Sally has lost her certainty
now. After all, solicitors, like manicurists (qv), tell you what
you want to hear. "I wonder what Kevin's solicitor's saying
to him?" Well, says Rita, trying again, if Kevin does get
custody, she'll only be across the road from them. But that, protests
Sally, makes it even worse, especially if Alison's on the scene.
"Every time I see that woman with the girls it's like a knife
going through me!".
Vera arrives to flick a perfunctory duster over their
table and the screen, and goes on her way. "Ee, life can
be cruel!" observes Rita, "one minute she's the landlady,
the next minute she's the cleaner!"
Sharon appears. "You're back early," remarks
Rita. "Oh, we only went for a quick, er," (significant
pause), "bite!". When are we going to meet Sharon's
young man? How about Friday, she suggests, he's busy until then.
Rita offers to make them a meal, a suggestion gratefully received.
Martin has completed his tour of the EPH and is now
with Gerald in the office. What did he think? The residents, of
whom we can see a couple through the glass, seem happy enough.
On with the formalities then. Not much of an interview, this.
Martin's CV speaks for itself, does he have any specific geriatric
experience? He does? That will do nicely! They are short- staffed
(one wonders why - doesn't Martin?). Gerald is busy fingering
his face and avoiding eye contact. This guy scares the living
daylights out of me, I don't know about you! Martin, mindful of
Gail's advice, takes the opportunity of raising the matter of
why he left Weatherfield General. Gerald looks alarmed and suggests
to Martin that he'd better be honest. So Martin tells his tale...
Sally and Sharon are wondering whether to get a bottle
of wine in the corner shop when a knife goes right through Sally
- she's seen Alison, at the counter with her girls and buying
them sweets. She marches up and challenges Alison aggressively
"What do you think you're doing? Who said you could give
'em sweets?" Alison is being patient but is clearly discomfited
by this onslaught from the increasingly psychotic Sally. It seems
that Kevin asked her to, while he was out on a job, and she tells
Sally this quietly and calmly. "Well, he should know better!"
shrieks Sally. "They only get sweets on pocket money day
and special occasions". An increasingly embarrassed Alison
tells the girls that they'd better put their sweets back. "Oh
it's too late now!" screams Sally. "He's got no business
leaving them with you!". Nita comes over to break up the
commotion. Sharon tries to pacify Sally "No harm done, eh?"
That's not the point, shouts Sally, "Come on girls, you're
coming with me". Alison, who remains calm despite the pressure,
suggests that she doesn't thank that's a good idea, and shepherds
Rosie and Sophie out of the shop. Sharon tries again to calm Sally
down, to no avail. Sharon gets cross now and shows it. "You're
overreacting now, leave it!" She asks for a nice bottle of
white wine, but Sally has had enough. "Don't bother about
me, I'm not in the mood!". And out she flounces.
Martin has returned home. He's looking very pensive
and Gail asks anxiously how the interview went. "Oh, er,
very well!" he says, but it's clear he think's something's
wrong. "Unbelievably well in fact!" He tells Gail all
about it, how he'd taken her advice and been upfront about why
he left Weatherfield General, and Mr Lickley was disgusted - not
with Martin but with the hospital! He had ranted on about NHS
managers, too many chiefs, not enough Indians, driving all the
best people out. "Spot on, actually!" remarks Martin
with a wry grin. But I have to wonder what skeletons are lurking
in Mr Gerald Lickley's cupboard. Gerald had offered Martin the
job straight away - but then had asked about Martin's administrative
skills, and whether he could take on extra responsibilities -
he needed an Assistant Manager, and Martin will be starting tomorrow.
Sally is at Kevin's front door, bent on creating a
scene. Alison opens up and explains that Kevin isn't back yet,
but Sally insists it's Alison she wants to see, and brusquely
barges her way inside. "I want to know what your plans are!"
she demands. "Is it serious?" Alison doesn't see that
it's any of Sally's business. "It is if you're looking after
my daughters!" Sally makes it clear top Alison that she's
sure Kevin is trying to get Rosie and Sophie to spend as much
time with her as possible, so that they get used to her. Alison
explains that she wanted Kevin to send them to her, but he wouldn't.
"Don't make me laugh!" shouts Sally, "You practically
spend every minute of the day with them! Just what Kevin wants,
to have somebody looking after his kids? Does he get you washing
his socks for you an' all? Because that's all he thinks women
are good for. You're being used, and if you can't see that, you're
daft!"
This is the cue for Kevin to come through the door.
"What's this? What's going on?" he demands to know.
"I've just come to check if my daughters are being looked
after properly, all right?" says Sally, huffily, as she storms
out.
Deirdre and Ken make awkward small talk in the Rovers
without really communicating. So, asks Deirdre, what did Ken want
to talk to her about? Ken looks hopeful and pleased. Nothing special,
he just wanted to catch up. "Don't hold your breath!"
she warns him, "I've done nothing to write home about, apart
from playing nursemaid to my mother that is!". Ken suggests
that that's better than being alone in the flat, but no, Deirdre
rather likes being on her own, she appreciates her freedom. She
looks warily at Ken, wondering what his game is. Ken understands
that, and after Jon she's bound to be cautious. But surely she
doesn't want to spend the rest of her life on her own? Deirdre
begins to catch on. Yes, she does actually, she's quite emphatic
on this point. "But deep down..." begins Ken. "No,
no, I like being on my own, thank you very much!" The camera
closes on Ken, as he registers disappointment while saying he's
very glad to hear it. And then the camera pans slowly to where
Blanche is sitting, hidden behind a screen and eavesdropping.
She grimaces as she sees her matchmaking scheme thwarted.
Kevin is trying to make peace with Alison. "She
had no right to come round here and say what she said". Alison
explains about Sally seeing her in the shop buying sweets for
the girls. "She was upset! And so would I be in her position".
Kevin can't see why. But wasn't he upset when he saw the girls
with Greg Kelly? Yes, but that of course is different. "Kevin,
maybe we should cool it off," Alison tries to suggest, quite
sensibly, "Maybe it would be better if I wasn't around so
much." Don't talk daft!" snaps Kevin, "that's exactly
what she wants!". "That's what it comes down to, isn't
it? You versus Sally." Kevin remorsefully tells her he didn't
mean it to sound like that. But Alison is losing patience.
"Never mind how the girls feel, or how I feel!"
"I care about you!" says Kevin.
"Well, you can fight it out between yourselves,
I don't want any part of it. I've had enough". And with that,
she leaves, leaving Kevin speechless and shell-shocked.
OK - not bad, not a great episode. There were some
wonderful moments of farce involving Eunice and the Duckworths,
and I do feel a sense of glee at seeing Sally going further and
further off the rails. There's a shudder too, surrounding Martin's
new job and employer. But I found it all rather stodgy and heavy
going. Definitely not up to the standards of some recent episodes.
The increasingly capricious weekly award goes to Maggie
Jones, who in five seconds and without any dialogue had more
presence than most of the rest of 'em put together!
I apologise in advance to The Rattler for pinching
his catchphrase, but this update was sponsored by Williamson
& Magor, growers of fine teas since 1869 (wot I was drinking),
and by future-radio: The sound of Urban Audio Vol. 2 (wot I was
listening too).
No, I agree, the two don't go together do they! The
CD was a freebie from a consortium bidding for a new commercial
radio licence for Bristol. I approve of the bid, but the music
isn't quite me, somehow, at my time of life. But I'm sure somebody
will appreciate it. So I'm offering it free to the first person
who asks nicely...
Until the next time...
Rosalind
Friday 29 January
One of those mixed weeks, I'm afraid, work continuing
to cause grief, so least said... on the extra mural side of things,
my Fred Elliott Wave File site is coming on nicely and I'm developing
a reasonable momentum now, putting on new waves most days. Some
great stuff in the pipeline from my archives going back over
the last 9 months or so. Check it out.
We hosted Annie and Chris again for Thursday and Friday
and pinged away merrily into the small hours, retiring up to
"Mission Control" on both nights for some IRC. Delighted
to have such superb company and that the weekend was so successful
for you both :)!! Si has started getting offers from Colleges
for this September, so that's a relief and hopefully will give
him some confidence and something on which to focus for the 'A'
level exams coming up.
Trude has been settling in at school. Fred Carno's
has nothing on this place. This week Trude heard the tale of
how, one year, an outing was arranged to a local zoo - when the
returned, they found that some of the kids had kidnapped a baby
penguin!!!!!!! I kid you not!!!! She also heard the tale of one
of the mothers, who, a while back, had broken out of prison,
made her way to school - there she made a deal, she was willing
to give herself up to the police, if the school would let her
see her children. Obviously there is an amusing side to these
tales, but there is also a serious, rather sad one, which doesn't
need spelling out.
Finally, I guess the saddest bits of news related
to three of my IRC colleagues. Two have a parent who is gravely
ill, another has a close friend who is terminally ill. In the
latter case, Dan only just turned 40 recently, and Lori, his
wife is just 39. They have three young children and now we hear
that Dan's condition has deteriorated and he does not have long
to live. Situations like this put some of our woes into perspective
as truly inconsequential, alongside some of the scenarios I have
described in the last two paragraphs. Anyway.... enough of that....
Episode sponsored by Cadbury's Caramel
The episode commences in the morning in the street.
Kevin has opened up the garage but is waiting around outside for
someone to show their face. As he stands outside the Kabin, his
wish is granted when Alison comes out of the shop. He is pleased
to see her, she looks sheepishly at him but walks towards him
anyway. The problem facing them is that they are in a triangle,
of which the other party is Sally and that has ended up giving
Alison cold feet about continuing her relationship with Kevin.
He tells her that her ending it, has been on his mind and that
he couldn't let it go on all day. She feels the whole thing is
too much aggravation, until he can get things sorted with Sally,
there isn't room for her. She resents having to justify herself
everytime Sally comes round looking for a row. Kevin desperately
wants to talk things thorough further with her and she agrees
to go with him to the café for 10 minutes before she starts
work.
At the Kabin, Sharon is helping Rita stock up the shelves
- Rita is more concerned about the arrangements for the get-together
with Sharon's fiancé. Should she get sweet stuff or stick
with cheese and biscuits. Sharon says not to make a fuss, but
Rita's pretext is that she intends to enjoy herself whether Sharon
and her fella do or not. A bottle of wine and a few bits and bobs
is fine by Sharon and she says that Ian won't mind. Rita is in
charge, however, so they'll do things properly for a change.
Enter Martin into the Kabin to get a paper and some
mints. Rita introduces him to Sharon and they shake hands. He
is looking forward to starting his new job this morning - in fact,
if he doesn't get a move on, he will be late. Sharon looks on
at him pensively as he leaves the shop.
Roy is in a world of his own daydreaming at the café
- the toast is burning, but he doesn't notice, until Gail disturbs
his contemplative mood. He is concerned by the effect "this
operatic business" is having on Hayley - it kept her out
till midnight last night. The Operatic Group are doing "The
Sound of Music" and afterwards they go onto the pub and stay
out all hours. Gail is bemused by this "don't tell me you're
missing all that luvvie stuff?" she asks. Maybe he "packed
it in a bit previous" is his reply. Gail sees it as doing
them good getting space, Hayley needs something of her own to
do and there's nothing worse than making somebody feel guilty
for something they like doing, she tells him.
Kevin and Alison are continuing their discussion in
the café. He is very agitated and tells Alison that Sally
will have won if Alison finishes their relationship. Alison is
frustrated by it all, she doesn't want to keep looking over her
shoulder everytime they are out together - Sally's mind is set,
she clearly doesn't want her around the girls and Alison understands
this. We'll see, replies a determined Kevin but Alison stresses
that she doesn't want him and Sally ripping into each other and
the effect it is having on the girls. It's not on, she tells him
and accuses him and Sally of using the girls to have a go at one
another - it's not fair to her but she is a grownup and can take
it. Kevin leaves the café in a huff.
As he does so, he literally bumps into Deirdre coming
in. She sits down with Blanche, her mother. She wondered what
had happened to her mother when she returned form the pub, the
previous evening. Blanche informs her that she didn't like disturbing
her, if Deirdre was having a late night, her and Ken - she was
keeping out of the way. Deirdre's reply is that, meeting up with
Ken in a busy pub surrounded by a load of people hardly constitutes
a romantic assignation. "Still, you never know" is Blanche's
hopeful response. Deirdre is flabbergasted at her mother's audacity
and orders some sandwiches to take out.
Sally is organising her boxes in Natalie's place. Kevin
wants a word with her right now, but Sally is going to be late
for her market stall. He is furious at her outburst directed at
Alison last night and when Sally asks whether they have to discuss
this right now, tells her in no uncertain terms that she is not
going anywhere until they do - if necessary, she can take a day
off work.
At the Rovers, Jack is sampling the ales. Skivvy Spice
(aka Vera) is in her cleaning garb, overall and headscarf on -
very fetching Vee, but it won't make the fashion pages. Natalie
and Lorraine are on their way out - they are off into town, says
Natalie, for some "retail therapy, to cheer up Lorraine."
(Great phrase that!!). Lorraine announces that Natalie is her
new image consultant - Nat adds that Lorraine is going to have
the full works, clothes, hairdo, the lot. Jack passes comment
that Lorraine looks fine from where he is standing but this is
not appreciated by Vera. Anyway, the credit cards are going to
get a hammering, according to Lorraine. They both go off to their
waiting taxi, as Vera goes into a fit of jealousy. They'll soon
be shut of all of this, she tells Jack, when they get their own
B&B, more refined clientele, half the graft and twice the
brass, she continues. Jack is in "nodding dog" mode
agreeing with every word she says, while he is testing - sorry,
tasting - the beer. Anything for a quiet life, eh Jack?
At Sally's, the argument between her and Kevin is in
full flow. He tells her she has no right to cause a blazing row
in front of the children.- she expected them to be in bed, she
tells him. "Six o'clock, yeah, sure, right" is Kevin's
unconvinced reply - the next time she wants to come round, storming
into his house, "gobbin' off - you knock on the door first
and you wait till I let you in, otherwise, stay away, understand?"
Sally's response is that when she gets to court, it may well end
up her saying the same thing to him, when she gets the custody
of the children. She reckons that she has rumbled his little game
- setting up with Alison, so that he can walk into the court and
claim "happy families". When he tells her that he didn't
realise just how poisonous she really is, she replies, ominously,
that she hasn't even started yet. He cannot believe what she is
saying - what he and Alison do, has nothing to do with her, he
tells Sally, at least, she is not some psycho, "liable to
go mental any second. How's that going to sound in court, heh?
If that's what you want, that's what you've got."
Over at Elliott's Emporium, Fred is doing a good impression
of a headless chicken. He has a prospective buyer lined up to
view the shop and he is making sure that all is in order and that
a favourable impression will be conveyed. Both Maud and Nita are
trying to calm him down - Maud tells him to stop fussing, the
shop is tidier than it's ever been. Fred is busy, in his own mind
and tells Nita to check the stock dates. "You can't be too
careful, I say, you can't be too careful. This Mr Ravi is clearly
a very astute businessman. Now, we have to give the impression
that this here shop is a thriving retail goldmine", he tells
them - Nita's face is one of incredulity, as Fred continues "not
that it's not, obviously." He explains that when he shows
Mr Ravi around the shop, "that he knows that we're fighting
customers off, morning, noon and night....." (He turns around
to view and empty shop, in one of those hilarious quick shots,
that show Fred as the comic master-genius he undoubtedly is) .....
"usually!" ROTFL. What a star!
Natalie and Lorraine are out on their "therapy"
trip - at Barton Arcade, off Deansgate, Manchester, no less -
they look at the price list in a salon window and Lorraine gets
scared off by the price. Natalie tells her, it was agreed, money
was no object, but the only way that she'll go through with it,
is if Natalie does likewise and with that, she drags a reluctant
Natalie into the salon.
Martin has started work at the Residential Care Home
and is meeting the residents. Gerard Lickley, the proprietor comes
in all flustered - just a little admin problem to sort out, he
tells Martin. When Martin tells him that he is getting the hang
of it, Lickley gets more flustered - how is Martin with plumbing,
he asks? When Martin asks whether Mark, the nurse can do it, the
owner says that the lad doesn't have a clue. Martin agrees to
have a look at it, to be told "You've saved my life, they're
worse than kids, some of them in here, you know. You'll get used
to it." The look of Martin's face says "what have I
let myself in for?"
In the Street, Ken is buying a bunch of flowers from
Fred's shop - he pays Nita. Up behind him comes Deirdre "So,
who's the lucky woman then?" Poor Ken looks flabbergasted,
as Deirdre continues, oblivious to his discomfort. She recommends
crushing the stems at the bottom, they last longer, she tells
him and, as she turns to walk on, Ken quickly asks her whether
everything is alright. Yes all is fine, Deirdre tells him, but
Ken continues, by saying that her mother is worried about her
and that Deirdre was a bit down. This raises feelings of annoyance
from Deirdre, who exclaims that anyone would be, if they had her
to put up with. He then puts his size nines well and truly in
it, by saying that maybe Deirdre was thinking about the two of
them getting back together. "Is that what she said?"
is her reply, "and you... " looking down at Ken's flowers,
"....oh no, you are joking aren't you, you've not.... I don't
believe this!!!" Ken looks uncomfortable, but still hasn't
grasped the gravity of the faux pas he has made, suggesting that
it's not such an outrageous idea. "Ken, haven't you got more
sense, at your age?" she replies.
Just then, around the corner comes Fred with Ravi Desai
and he is telling him, "so it's not a massive shop, Mr Ravi,
but we have a saying in Weatherfield, it's not the size, it's
what you do with it!" ROTFL!!!!
Ken hands over the flowers to Deirdre, "you might
as well have them, now I've paid for them." Deirdre responds
by saying "I know what I'd like to do with these...no, on
second thoughts, she doesn't deserve them", furiously throws
the flowers to the ground and flounces off.
Fred and Ravi look on, as Nita comes out of the shop.
Ken, looking embarrassed, picks up the flowers. Fred introduces
Nita to Ravi as one of his retail representatives and, as he stops
down to help Ken, pick up the flowers, Ravi puts his finger to
his mouth to indicate that Nita should be quiet. A nod from Nita
confirms her acceptance....
... and the theme tune comes in, on cue for the end of part 1
After the ads, it's part 2
The second part of the programme commences at the Nursing Home.
Martin is asking Mark whether the residents are always just left
watching the television. It is clear the Mark doesn't have a clue,
so Martin asks whether there is a programme of planned activity.
Don't ask me, ask the boss, is the gist of his reply. Along comes
the boss and Martin collars him. He asks to see the files and
is told they are in the office. When he asks specific questions,
e.g. when does the doctor come round to carry out the check-ups,
he is greeted with a blank, clueless stare - "it's all in
the files." But in the meantime, would he mind just clearing
the tables, as the lunch is ready.... !!! Normally he wouldn't
ask, but he's been let down... again, Martin agrees to help out.
"You've saved me life" is the response, yet again.
We are Deirdre's flat and she is in the middle of a
blazing row with her mother, following the meeting with Ken earlier
on. She is furious at Blanche trying to "fix me with blokes,
especially blokes I've already decided I've had enough of."
Blanche tries to go for the sympathy vote, she doesn't know why
Deirdre is so upset, she cannot do right for wrong. Deirdre tells
her, in no uncertain terms that she wants to be left alone, she
is pig sick of her mother constantly interfering. Blanches tearfully
replies that she thought Deirdre would be pleased, she was just
trying to do something nice for her, that's all. "Well don't"
is Deirdre's angry reply. Blanche continues by saying all she
wants is for Deirdre to be happy. Deirdre tells her she understands
that but she can manage. With her mother blubbing away, Deirdre
feels a right heel and hugs her mum.
At Elliott's Emporium, Ravi is looking around the shop.
He is impressed that they seem to get a fair number of lunchtime
trade, nothing to do with some of the items being under-priced,
by any chance, he asks? Fred explains that they like to do the
occasional promotion, "obviously" - "obviously"
agrees Ravi. "Not that we need it, mind" continues Fred,
"the hub of the community is this place, a thriving little
goldmine, we have to fight them off, I say, fight them off."
"I noticed that!" responds Ravi, jokingly referring
to the Ken/Deirdre altercation earlier on. Fred explains it was
an isolated incident, that the culprits were not from the area,
"tourists probably" adds Maud, helpfully. "Anyway,"
says Fred, "as long as they've paid, if they want to bludgeon
each other about the head with their purchases, who are we to
judge?" They both laugh and Ravi says that its time to talk
business, although he will not be making a decision today. He
will give him a prompt decision, in the meantime, would Fred's
assistant be prepared to make a cup of tea for him, he asks? Nita
appears to grit her teeth and asks whether that would be with
milk. "How very kind" he gushes, as he continues to
Fred that "it's such a struggle to find good staff."
Fred replies that he is lucky to have such a good staff, "age
and beauty" offers Maud, Fred's version being "youthful
exuberance and worldly experience." At that stage, Nita pops
her head around the door, offering "Sugar? Mr Ravi?".
"In my experience, Mr Elliott, it's the young ones you have
to watch" says Ravi - Fred nods knowingly but the irony of
Ravi's statement is lost on Fred.
We are back at the Rovers. Vera tells Natalie that
she doesn't know why she bothered going for the makeover, she
cannot tell a difference. Jack tries to phrase it diplomatically,
he cannot understand why Natalie though she needed a makeover.
Natalie explains that when she got there, she couldn't be bothered.
Enter Lorraine from the back as Cleavage Spice - she is wearing
a dark jumper with a plunging neckline, showing off her, how you
say, ample figure, assets?? She gets an admiring whistle from
Jack and a comment from Gary who has just come in the bar, "I
told you we should get shut of that Lorraine and get some decent
talent behind the bar...." Enter Spider into the pub - when
he comes to the bar, he cannot take his eyes off the busty barmaid
and when she accuses him of gawping at her, he denies this, saying
"it's what's underneath that matters, it's only skin deep..."
"Not even that, in your case" snipes Lorraine, while
Gary makes a diving noise and we know where he wouldn't mind resting
his head.
A smartly dressed young man comes to the bar. He orders
a pint from Natalie and offers her a drink - she flashes her eyelids
at him, smiles and momentarily surveys the scenery, i.e. him,
as she serves him.
Roy is at sixes and sevens in the café. Essentially,
he is worried that, as Hayley gets involved more with "these
theatrical types, she might start getting more confident"
and consider him to be dull and boring. "How could you possibly
be boring" reassures Gail, "you're about to take big
risks, expanding your business empire". She points out that
this could be considered exciting - very sexy. Mmm, ponders Roy.
Talking of exciting and sexy, Natalie is being chatted
up by the young man. "Tell me, are all the barmaids around
here as smart as you?" "Nah, nowhere near, but then
again, I'm not a barmaid" replies Natalie as she tells him
she is the landlady.
Vera and Jack are having a drink with Eunice. Vera
offers to get more drinks in, as Eunice says "don't be long,
I might run off with him", holding onto Jack's arm. "You're
only saying that to get me hopes up" cracks Vera. As Vee
goes off to the bar, Eunice gets all philosophical about her life,
making a few changes, having a fresh start, going abroad. "Sometimes,
when you are on your own", she tells him, stroking his arm....
Jack gets all edgy and offers to get her some crisps (which she
ignores).... It's not just the companionship, she tells him..
The words are unspoken, but you get the distinct impression she
is floating a proposition to Jack. We are left wondering, because
Vera returns just at that moment.
Rita rushes into the pub and asks Natalie for a nice
bottle of red wine to take out. She orders a quick drink, while
she is at the bar. She is standing alongside the stranger who
orders another drink from Natalie, eyeing her up, as he does so.
The gurls are round at Sally's having something to
eat. She asks them what they think of their new house. They asks
whether they will live here forever, will daddy be living with
us, will Alison, will Uncle Greg be coming back and other meaningful
questions. She comes out with some crap about it being the best
house in Weatherfield, and that the Queen stays here when she
comes to Weatherfield. Does she heckaslike?
At that point, Natalie wanders in - she apologies for
disturbing them, but Sally is full of the joys of happy families.
She has brought the rent book around for Sally to get things organised
and comments that it's nice to see the girls here, "livens
the place up a bit. Des always said it was nice when there was
kids in the house" You sense the wistful pang as she says
this. Sally picks up on this and offers her a drink, but Natalie
makes her apologies and leaves.
At her flat, Rita is flapping away at the prospective
arrival of Sharon's fiancé. "Rita!! Sit down, will
ya! Have a drink or something! Here, have a nut!" At that
stage, the doorbell rings. Too late!! He's arrived. Sharon goes
to let in her fiancé, as Rita makes some last minute adjustments.
Sharon makes the introductions, "Rita, this is Ian."
They shake hands. Ian is none other than the stranger in the bar
at the Rovers. Rita recognises him and Ian quips that "yes",
he was there trying to get up some Dutch courage before he met
the family. Nervous laughs all round.
Back at the Rovers, Maud, Fred and Ashley are having
a drink. "Faint heart never won fair lady" Maud is telling
Ashley. Just because he saw Nita being picked up by a bloke is
a swanky car.... Fred points out that you can't expect an attractive
girl like Nita not to have a few suitors, "you have to get
rid of the opposition, like in business, come up with a bigger
package" (ROTFL.) At that point, Linda from the factory comes
in and join Alison at the bar - Maude notices this and points
out to Ashley that Linda and Nita went to school together.
After some verbal pushing and shoving from Fred, Ashley
walks over to Linda to have a word. He tells her that they have
a friend in common, Nita. Linda pulls Ashley's leg "aww,
do you want me to put in good word for you?" She confirms
that the two of them did go to school together - "she's well
out of your league, top class." She comments that she was
gobsmacked when she saw her in the corner shop. Ashley gets all
defensive "there's nowt wrong with that corner shop."
She cannot understand why Nita is at that shop, "after all,
if she wants to hang around a shop all day, she can always go
to one of her dad's.... Desai's.... they're all over the place.
That's who we're talking about, Nita Desai. Her old fella's got
a load of corner shops. Why do you want to know anyway?"
Eureka! Mystery solved! A stunned looking Ashley goes
back to Fred and Maud, who are laughing away merrily.....
.....and with that.... it is the cue for music and
credits
Episode written by Steven Bennett
All material is, and remains, copyright property of
Granada Television.
Well, how was it for me? Really enjoyable episode
with some superb dialogue. On going through this update, I was
amazed at the number of storylines on the go, eight in all.
In terms of action during this episode, the least
consequential was the Lorraine makeover - apart from the physical
result, what's that all about?
The Eunice/Jack/Vera storyline taking a nudge along
to the next stage, written and acted with some enjoyable humour.
Martin coming down to earth with a bump, realising
that the new job isn't exactly what it was cracked up to be and
seeing some of the creaks behind the scenes was also reasonably
predictable. Played well and written pretty realistically, I
would think, in terms of the corners cut by some businesses.
The Roy/Hayley saga took on another fairly inevitable
twist with Roy getting anxious regarding the relationship and
whether Hayley's increased confidence will create problems for
him. some fine agonising from Roy. Looks like a lead into the
next storyline for these two.
The Deirdre/Blanche/Ken part, again well written and
with some good dialogue and acting, Blanche playing with great
class, the interfering mother who merely wants "to help".
Some gorgeous comedy in the Fred/Ravi/Nita, with marvellous
interplay between Fred and Ravi. Sayeed Jaffrey is going to be
such an asset to the Street - it's a great joy to see an actor
of his calibre on the show.
Sharon has re-established herself as being part of
the furniture, as if she had never been away. Some interesting
chemistry between her fiancé, Ian and Natalie.
The final storyline is, of course, the build up to
the big custody case for Kevin and Sally, with lovely Alison
caught in the middle. Very realistically written, demonstrating
the way youngsters are used as pawns in this situation and bringing
out the emotions of all parties concerned.
We really are seeing the emergence of a gentler style,
but with some lovely dialogue and attention to detail. Very enjoyable
indeed, as was, incidentally the programme which preceded that
in the UK on BBC1 "Ready Steady Cook" with Leanne and
Spider putting in a very enjoyable performance - what a couple
of nice youngsters they are...
Anyway that's it for now.. Until the next time, take
care...
Tubby greetings and Tinkyluv from the Tinkster in Glorious
Glossop....
Regards, Alan
Sunday 31 January
I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday.
I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need
a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday.
I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need
a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday.
I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need
a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday. I need a holiday.
Ah, that's better. Thanks for letting me share that
with you. Again, I am worryingly late with this update, so we'll
skip straight to the action.
Act 1
Chez Webster. And Kevin is serving up breakfast to Alison, and
telling her how much he's enjoyed their weekend together. Particularly
as they've not had anything to do with Sally. Alison tells him
that she shouldn't be surprised, after all he was a still-married
man with two kiddies. He asks her if she thinks it was a mistake
getting involved with him, but she says not. They resolve to go
out for a curry that night, if Sally will look after the girls.
Maud is not surprised to find Ashley dropping into
the corner shop again, and presumes he's come to sniff around
Nita once more. For once, he hasn't - in fact he's glad she's
not there, as he can reveal to Maud that Nita is a *spy*. Her
father is Ravi Desai, who owns a whole string of corner shops.
Ashley, despite his differences with Fred, doesn't want to see
someone pulling a fast one on his uncle.
Kevin pops over the road to Natalie's house, to have
a word with the tenant. Sally agrees to look after Rosie and Sophie
until later, and manages to make Kevin feel a little guilty that
he doesn't appear to want them back that weekend. [I conclude
from this that she has had them all the time, and that Alison
and Kevin were by themselves. Ooh, I can remember those days....]
Twisting the knife further, she invites him to come and see his
daughters who are playing outside in "a lovely garden".
Kevin realises that she is providing a suitable home for them,
maybe better than his, with their custody hearing approaching.
[Perhaps he should point out that their mother has them outside
in the depths of winter...]
Fred arrives at his shop, hoping to find Ashley and
Maud there. He does. He is bubbling with enthusiasm, and tells
them he has news that concerns them all. "Mr Ravi",
as he describes him, wants to talk money ! Fred admits that he's
had some "bitter-sweet times" [shades of Maureen] at
the shop, but nothing that a few crisp banknotes can't mellow.
Ashley finally manages to interrupt him and reveal that there's
something that Fred should know...
Sally has gone over to the Platts' house to ask Gail
if their children would like to come round later to play with
Rosie and Sophie. Martin looks forward to a nap - he's finding
it hard going at the old folks home. [Tis cruel, I know, and I
do apologise to anyone who has relatives and/or friends in such
places, but the one portrayed here is the sort of place you don't
want to end up in, and I can't watch more than a few seconds without
being reminded of an episode of "Frasier", where he
and Niles were considering trying to get their father into a retirement
home. Frasier reads from the brochure: "We care, so you don't
have to" ! Oh no, that's set me laughing again...]
Kevin returns to his love-nest to tell Alison that
he won't be able to go out that evening after all. She presumes
that Sally is being awkward, but it turns out that Kevin has decided
he wants to spend a little more time with his daughters, on his
own. She takes it quite well, considering. They agree to meet
for a drink anyway.
Fred, in need of some alcoholic support, enters the
Rovers and asks Jack for his usual "a Scotch and threat".
A triple, no less. Mike asks him what's up. Fred doesn't go into
much detail, but hints that it's something to do with honour,
or the lack of it. Mike asks if Fred is planning to go to the
golf club later, for the Steward's funeral. It's news to Fred,
and he asks if it was a sudden death. [Ow, that's a terrible pun.
Hope some of you got it.] They conclude that his widow will be
well set-up, as they'd made a mint out of running the clubhouse.
Jack listens in attentively. Ashley arrives to tell Fred that
Nita has arrived for work, and Fred pronounces that spies should
be shot - they're the nadir of small shopkeepers. Ashley observes
that Fred had been a bit creative with his book-keeping.
Intermission
It can't be the adverts already ? Not much on tonight. Apart from
BT trying to sell us yet another service which was probably already
programmed into their digital exchanges a decade ago, for a mere
fiver a quarter...
Act 2
Gail has taken David and Sarah-Louise round to Sally's house,
where they are playing in the garden. Martin couldn't come with
them as he had to cover for someone at the retirement home. Gail
asks how Sally's underwear is going, these days. Still up and
down ? No, definitely up, and Sally is thinking of expanding her
market stall. She still very much wants a new start, even if it
will be without Greg. She tells Gail about Kevin asking her to
keep the girls longer, and then changing his mind when he saw
how settled they looked with their mother. "I'm in the driving
seat now", she announces gleefully.
Sharon and Rita are in the Rovers, and Sharon is running
through her wedding list. Natalie spots it, and tells her to make
sure there's a good man at the top of it. Oh there is alright,
but Sharon is fed up with him only being there half the time.
Rita sniffs an air of unease, and asks if everything is okay.
Sharon's just a bit fed up with being on her own so much, especially
as their flat is so far from the Kabin. Rita has a Baldrick-like
cunning plan...
Fred is asking a favour of Audrey. We know not what
it is, but she remarks that it seems a lot of trouble to go to.
Natalie has a bit of banter with Mike after he remarks
that Alma isn't out with because, like many a woman, she can't
take the pace. [Like many an old fart, I've lost the plot and
can't remember what Alma's doing these days. It's nothing, isn't
it ?] Natalie asks Mike who he'd rather be served by: her, or
Jack ? Point taken, he admits. Jack engages Mike in conversation
about his golf club, wondering if it was all posh nobs, chattering
on about bunkers and vultures. Eagles, says Mike. But no, many
of them don't know much about golf, being a member is all about
social networking - it's who you know that counts. Jack's interest
level rises.
At the home, Martin finds one resident, a rather sad-looking
but not very elderly man called Walter, staring into space out
of the window, having left his meal uneaten. Walter doesn't have
much of an appetite by all accounts, but before Martin can inquire
further, he is called away by the manager [a real weaselly character,
dressed in a suit that doesn't fit well and with a tie that's
not under full control]. He promises to return later for a chat.
Audrey enters the corner shop, to "advise"
Fred of some important news that she has overheard at the Town
Hall. In a very loud stage whisper [well, you know Fred] they
talk about a plan to build new housing on the Red Rec, which could
triple or quadruple his trade ! Nita listens in, as she is obviously
supposed to.
In the Rovers, the punters have departed, leaving Vera
cleaning the tables and ashtrays while Jack thumbs through a golf
magazine. She wonders what he's doing, and he tells her about
the vacancy for a new steward at the club. He reckons this the
best way of turning their limited savings into a tidy sum which
will let them buy their B&B.
Rita and Sharon drop in to see Sally. The kids have
now gone back to Kevin's, and the place looks like a bombsite.
Rita asks Sally how she would feel about Sharon moving into the
spare room through the week. Sally seems agreeable.
Martin has made Walter some toast. Walter thanks him,
saying he's very kind. [Which does rather confirm our rather poor
impression of the place.] Martin wants to know if Walter's happy
with the way he's being looked after. Walter confides that he's
worried more about his sister - they'd lived together for 50 years,
neither having married, but after his stroke they'd been placed
in different homes, on opposite sides of town. He misses her,
and doesn't know how to get in touch to find out how she's coping
without him. Martin offers to help, saying he'll phone around
and find out which home Mabel is in. Walter looks rather pathetically
grateful that anyone should care about them at all. Poor soul.
Ravi arrives at Fred's shop, greeting Fred and saying
a careful "hello, Miss" to his daughter. He announces
they should get straight down to business, but Fred butts in and
tells him he's decided not to sell the shop after all. Ravi asks
if he's offended Fred somehow. No, Fred has simply changed his
mind. Ravi looks sideways at Nita, who looks as perplexed as he
is.
The Rovers is open again, and enter the long-lost [but
not long enough] Steve Macdonald, looking for Roy. He is somewhat
taken aback by Lorraine's new image, and shows a bit of interest.
[In as much as you can tell with Steve.] Kevin arrives and is
pleased to see that Alison is already there - he was worried that
he might have scared her off earlier. He explains that he'd had
a bit of a shock when he saw the girls at Sally's house, and was
reacting to that. They agree to keep seeing each other.
A bit of fluff next, as Les offers to buy Janice and
Linda a drink, and then blags a fiver off Janice to pay for them.
He heads for the bar, and the women bemoan their fate, men, and
the world in general. They decide to cheer themselves up by organising
a Valentine's Day party at the factory.
Back at the corner shop, which is empty, and Nita seizes
a chance to go through to the storeroom and call her father. She
explains about what she'd heard earlier, about the plans to develop
the Red Rec nearby. In the background, unnoticed, Fred hears this.
The look on his face is sheer delight as he sees his plan working
out...
This episode was written by Phil Ford.
I would've marked this one down a notch, but Fred
made up a lot of lost ground right at the end, so it's:
Overall rating (out of 5 stars): ***
I'll be doing next Sunday's update, and then having
two weeks off. Filling in the first week is Annie, (many thanks)
who will no doubt introduce herself at the time, and the week
after you get... (drumroll) CP, who probably needs no introduction
at all ! (CP, you will leave me some readers, won't you ??)
Back next week, John
Written by John
Laird; The Rattler;
Ruth Carey & Rosalind Mitchell; Alan Milewczyk