Sunday 1 February

Now then corrie watchers, will Gail hit the roof, or will she be the last to know?

By the way, if you were stopped by two 17 year-olds and asked to be a witness, would you say yes?

Ok then, lets see what Corrie has to offer tonight:

We open with Gail telling Nicky that she heard him coming home late last night.

No 5: Leanne gawking at her ring, Janice come in, Leanne hides the ring. Leanne says "can I tell you something" Les come in and they go silent.

Street: Leanne goes across the street to No. 8, Gail Says "Nick's Busy, he's working at the cafe today"

Kabin: Nicky goes after Leanne and sees her in the Kabin, they are not best pleased with Gail

Salon: (At Last!) Judy has her hair done.

Cafe: Jim is complaining about his wasted morning. Leanne comes in, Nick says "you shouldn't come here"

Flat: Mike complains about Alma ironing on weekends, Doorbell; Hayley, Mike complains that he is on his sick bed, and Alma is having her friends round

Steve is the gaffer at a place where Jimbo & Scooby are looking for work, Steve looks at Scooby and says "I could find you work any time you like, but not your sidekick"

Cadbury's Snack is sponsoring us today...

BREAK

Rovers: Martin is pleased with Des' arrangement. " 'Bout time we had a decent bash round here" Main remarked. Judy wants to know why Garry didn't take the job he was offered.

Flat: Mike comes in, Hayley is helping make the lunch (do we need this??!!)

No 5 : Janice comes in after shopping , Leanne looks uneasy (like she wants to say something)

Flat : Hayley produces a charcoal drawing of Alma (It's not bad actually).

Street : Leanne tells Nicky to tell Gail about the marriage.

No 8: Nicky walks in and is about to tell Gail when...she says "If it's about Leanne I don't want to hear" Nicky walks out.

No 5: Nicky come across the street and knocks on the door, he says to Leanne "If find a place of our own then they'll be naff all they can do about it"

Rovers: Sam & Des are talking about their "big" wedding day. Leanne gets jealous and walks out.

Flat: Fi is getting a bit chubby, she won't even go to the Rovers

Leanne Tilsley is on the credits

Written by Adele Rose

 

Cheers, and welcome to February!

HAMBO


Monday 2 February

What a week, eh?

First SWMBO doesn't go to College on Monday, Tuesday I was home late and Wednesday we took her Mother and septuagenarian Aunt out for a curry for the latter's 74th Birthday.

So, I've packed up my work things, and hope to get an hour in before SWMBO comes home, then I can complete if she goes to Tai Chi tonight.

Then Ian can post Wednesday!

Here we go the, no messing about, no delaying tactics, no prevarication of procrastination, no wasting time and your bandwith writing useless waffle instead of getting down to composing Monday's update. And I still haven't watched Wednesday's yet.

Of course, this update is almost superfluous if you've read C.P. Turner's hilarious weekly update. Not much sexual ambiguity in my update though. You could read it to your maiden aunt (see above) or even CP's Mother.

It's breakfast time at the Battersby's. Toyah is telling Janice that she knew the Leanne / Nicky affair wouldn't last. Janice hopes she's wrong. Nick knocks on the door, and Leanne is called down, Toyah thrown out. Leanne's hair doesn't look slept in. (Background music - Pulp's 'Common People'.) He reminds her that despite her wondering last night why she married him, they are married "so now what?"

Jim and Gary are loading the van. That Black & Decker Workmate has never been used has it Gary? Gary tells him that he can understand Steve's reactions to learning that he and Jim had both been playing away on the same pitch, albeit different seasons.

Il Postino delivers letters to Des & Sam, waiting outside the house. He's a speaking non-speaking extra!!! "There y'go"!! There's nothing from Richie in that delivery.

Back at the Batts' Leanne is complaining that she thought things would be different, but really they're just the same. She was looking forward to the thrill of telling everybody, which Nicky isn't keen on. The way to make it work is get a place to live together. Leanne decides that she's "goin' to get that job in the Kabin, and you're going to finish your studies and get a good job wi' prospects."

The non-uniformed supervisor at Firman's Freezers, the lovely Hayley, is trying to find jobs to do. She offers to help Alma, who suggests she goes to help customers pack - "Oh, no, that's Adam's domain". Who *is* the Supervisor here anyway? She then engineers a lunch hour matching Alma's, and is keen to help her with her shopping (but isn't that Adam's domain?) When she brushes Alma's protestations aside with "Well, what are friends for?" Alma asks if she has any friends her own age, to which Hayley hesitantly replies "one or two.."

Leanne calls at the Kabin. Rita is adamant that she's not still looking for an assistant. It is obvious that Rita wants an assistant but not a Battersby. Leanne offers good reasons like being on the doorstep (but twice as far as Mavis was, even a road to cross), but Rita is unmoved. It's only when she says she'll work for nothing that Rita begins to wonder, and asks if she's in trouble. "no, don't tell me, I don't want to know" Leanne blurts out that she got married. Rita sees this as just another Leanne lie, and shows her the door.

Curly needs Alma's help. He's just heard from Weatherfield Hospital that Hayley's dad has died, and he wants Alma to be there, in his office, when he gives her the news. (This must mean that Patterson pere advised the hospital that his next of kin was Hayley, not the name she was born with.)

Alma goes off to find Hayley and finds her stacking strawberry milk drinks on the shelf. Hayley has been thinking about Alma's question about friends her own age. She tells her that she finds her contemporaries "a bit silly, a bit vicious". Alma explains that Mr Watts wants to see her, so they go to his office. Hayley looks apprehensive, as if she thinks she's going to be sacked. Perhaps she thinks that Curly has found out about her past life?

Nastily and Sam are setting the bar up for the lunchtime session. Nastily thinks Sam is avoiding her after her awkward questions yesterday. They soon make it up, and Sam tells her that "it's not that I don't want to marry him, it's just that I don't want to regret it five minutes later". Nastily says that everybody feels like that "unless they're head over heels in love......... and you're not, are you?". Sam skirts round this and says how good Des is to her, but really she's scared that as soon as they wed, will she want to run away? She'd rather leave things as they are, "how do you tell somebody 'I don't mind living with you, but I'm not marrying you'?". She recognises that what she's really saying is "I'm only staying with you until something better comes along."

END OF PART ONE

In Curly's office, Alma is comforting Hayley. Curly is doing his best to be sympathetic and caring, and failing miserably. Unctuous is a good word, and even describes him. Alma wonders whether Hayley wants to go to the Hospital, or home. We learn that there is nobody else at home. Curly goes off to get some tea. Alma comforts her again, but Hayley only wants to apologise for being a burden.

Nick goes into the Kabin for some chewing gum. Rita tells him that Leanne was telling her that they got married in Scotland, in a misguided attempt to make Rita more disposed to employing her. She makes sure Nick knows she didn't believe her, although her smiles suggest she did, but wants to hear it from Nick. "So you've not given her a job then?" he asks. Rita wonders why she should employ anyone who lies - "I want to split the workload, not double it". Nick explains that they thought if she got a job they'd be able to save up to live together. Rita is still not keen, Leanne has been nothing but cheek since she arrived in the Street, including that barefaced lie about getting married. Nick reluctantly admits that it wasn't a lie, they did it because they want to be together.

He is saved from further explanations by his grandmother bursting in. She's only come for a magazine, but finds time to sneeringly ask how Leanne's getting on with her hairdressing course. Nick explains that she's giving it up so she can get a job, but Audreh dismisses her as a loser, a user, and a waster.She flounces out.

Rita has realised that the Roberts and Platts and Battersbys obviously know nothing of this, and Nick admits that they will tell everyone when they've got their own place. Rita has a change of heart, and invites Leanne to come back to talk, she'll see what she can do.

Alma has taken Hayley home for tea, seeing Mike she tells him about Hayley's father. Mike reminds Alma of a dinner date she knew nothing about. Suddenly Mike has another engagement, and will get a meal out.

Nick tells Leanne the good news, a job for the asking, but Leanne won't have it "the raddled old bag can stick it where the sun don't shine". Nick is annoyed that she told Rita about the wedding, but admits it might have done some good on the employment front. Toyah comes home and wants to know what they're whispering about.

Steve McDonald visits the Kabin and tells her about some flats being developed at the other end of the Street - she will probably escape the noise and muck, whereas the Rovers and the Salon will suffer.

Leanne comes in, with Nick close behind. Her one word "Well?" elicits a job offer from Rita, who states the ground rules:

1 You don't steal
2 You don't lie
3 You don't give cheek to the customers
4 You get here on time
5 You don't try and sneak off early
6 You do what I say when I say it. You can say what you like about me behind my back, but if I get wind of it you'll be through that door so quick your feet won't touch. Is that clear? Yes
7 You behave to my standards, not yours. 8 When I say you don't steal, I don't mean you lift five packets of fags instead of twenty, you don't lift any. Right? Right.

They agree on £3.50 an hour, but not cash in hand, got to be through the books. It will rise to £4 an hour after an unspecified probationary period. Leanne asks when she can start, but her face drops when Rita suggests just as soon as she's gone home to change. "But it's nearly teatime" she says, but backs down when she sees the look on Nick's face.

The final ground rule is 9: And I know nothing about anybody getting married. She doesn't want to be accused of keeping their secrets.

Leanne flies off to get changed, Rita is already thinking she might have made a big mistake.

In the Rovers, Les greets Martin with "Well, if it isn't Martin. And how's that miserable wife of yours this fine evening?" Martin turns and walks away.

Audreh is discussing Alma and Hayley with Mike. She thinks Hayley is a bit wierd.

Sam suddenly decides to leave Natalie on her own at the bar, blaming 'a bit of a headache'.

Jim is getting maudlin, explaining to Gary that he can't put things right with Steve, he'll have to get used to it. Maybe if Steve could see how sorry he was, but Steve still hates him. Gary probably hates Jim right now too.

At chateau Baldwin, Hayley is giving Alma a (not the) history of her life. Apparently her mother left when she was fourteen. Then Dad had 'his accident', but she's been really lucky because the day centre have been great, and she's been able to go out to work. The only living relative is Auntie Linda, Dad's sister who he doesn't really get on with.

Back in the Rovers. Gary makes to leave, but just then Steve comes in. Drunken Jim tries to speak to him, hassling him. Steve takes the incident outside, where Jim keeps telling him how sorry he is. Steve doesn't want to know. Gary drags him off.

Mike comes home, with a cheery "your girlfriend gone, has she?" Alma shushes him, explaining that she's given her a bed because she had nobody to go home to. Mike demands that it's only for the one night.

Des comes home, to find Sam has packed a bag, and is in the process of writing him a note saying that she's gone to her mother's for a couple of nights. "I'll be back to pick up the rest of the stuff, I'm moving out". She tells him that she's not good enough for him. Then she tells him that she doesn't want to go. Our silver tongued charmer convinces her to stay.

Episode written by Sally Wainwright.

Dewey


Wednesday 4 February

Greetings one and all.

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I've been trying to include as much dialogue as possible in my updates, in order to get a better feeling of the interaction between the characters. However, this does make the whole process take a lot longer, and unfortunately, due to circimstances very much beyond my control, I don't have much time at my disposal as I sit down to write this one. So this is a lot shorter than my usual updates, I hope you don't mind. Hopefully things should be back to normal by next week. Maybe you could write to me and let me know which you prefer - the ones that take me about four hours to do, or the ones (like this one) that only take about two hours.

And now for the comings and goings on Coronation Street on Wednesday 4th February 1998.........

Leanne is wondering what to wear for her first day at the Kabin. She's looking at a very short skirt, but Janice and Les tell her that it's too short, and that maybe she should ask Rita for an overall. As Les sets off for work he tells Leanne not to eat all the Dolly Mixtures, Toyah says it's not the Dolly Mixtures, but the till that she won't be able to keep her hands out of. Janice sticks up for Leanne but Toyah says that she won't last the day.

As Des sets off for work he tells Sam that she kept him awake all night tossing and turning. Samantha apologises, but Des says it's all right, he loves lying next to her. He goes on to say how lucky he is to have Sam in his life, he goes on and on and on...... methinks he's had a personality transplant, Sam just looks annoyed and tells him to go to work.

Over the road, Butch and Sundance.... er... I mean Jim and Gary are putting their tools in the van, ready for another days work. Gary suggests that Jim should go to apologise to Steve for what happened last night, Jim says that he'll do it later as he's not in the mood right now, so he's not.

In the Kabin Rita makes a cuppa for her and her new sidekick. Leanne offers to pay for the tea, but Rita tells her that she's entitled to tea breaks. She also tells her that she has an itemised phone bill, so any calls Leanne makes will be deducted from her wage. Leanne says that Rita can trust her, Rita says that Leanne can trust her, but that you never trust the paperboys or the customers.

Hayley has spent the night at Mike and Alma's place. As Mike goes to work he's very nice to Hayley, he tells her that any friend of Alma's is a friend of his. Hayley mentions to Alma what a nice man he is, Alma says he can be nice - when he wants to be. They talk about Hayley's dad, and how he'd been poorly for a long time and how his death was expected. Hayley goes on to say that people at work made fun of her for not having a boyfriend.

Then we find ourselves in Roy's cafe. Twisted Gail, having totally forgotten her own past is being nasty about Leanne again. She's rather surprised that Rita has taken Leanne on as a sales assistant. Roy points out that employing Toyah has worked out very well for them, and that she's very popular with the customers. Bimbo Nick says that Rita has been running a business long enough to know how to choose good staff.

Over at one of the tables in the cafe Samantha is talking to her new best buddy Natalie. She's saying that she doesn't think she can stay with Des for the rest of her life. Nastalie says that maybe she should pack her bags and leave.

Over behind the counter (still in the cafe) Roy has a quiet word with Nick. He tells him about overhearing about Nick and Leanne getting married and that he thinks Nick should tell his bitter twisted mother as soon as possible (actually he didn't say anything about her being bitter and twisted - that was just me). Nick says that he'll tell her as soon as he can.

Having finished their mornings work, Butch and Sundance park their van outside the Rovers. They are about to go in for a pint or three when Steve come out of the pub. Jim decides to apologise to him. Although Steve doesn't want to talk to Jim he at least accepts the apology. Gary points out to Jim that it could have been worse.

Curly turns up at Alma's. He has a bunch of flowers from the girls at work for Hayley. He says that she should take as much time off work as she needs to. Hayley says that she'd rather be at work than moping around at home.

In the Kabin Rita is telling Leanne that working in a shop is all about finding something to do when really there's nothing to do. Just then Nick comes in. Rita asks him what he wants to buy. When he says that he's just come in to see Leanne Rita says that he can't come in just to see Leanne. Then she says that Leanne can go for her lunch for an hour as she's about to close the shop. Leanne says that she doesn't have to close the shop as she'll look after it while Rita has her lunch. Rita says that she doesn't trust Leanne yet.

Down at the Red Rec Les and his boss are wandering around the site when Les manages to trip himself up. He falls over, it seems that he's badly hurt. He tells his boss to phone an ambulance. All the eco-warriors fall about laughing.

Adverts....to advertise in this space, call....... ;-)

Les is in the casualty department of the hospital. He's telling the doctor that he's in agony. He goes on to say that since he's in so much pain he should go to the front of the queue. When the doctor has gone Les tells Janice that he didn't really hurt himself at all, and that he's only pretending so that he might be able to claim compensation.

In the Rovers Gary tells Jim that he should go home to cook himself a meal. He says he can't go back up on the roof they're repairing without a hot meal inside him. Judy is there with Gary. She asks Rita why she's employed Leanne, Rita says she was desperate for staff. Judy goes to sit with Gary looking rather fed up. Then she tells Gary that he'll have to get rid of Jim, pointing out that after the roof they're working on there's no more work, but that Steve would employ him if he wasn't with Jim. Gary says that he won't do that.

Back at the hospital Les is complaining that he's having to wait. He says that he'd have finished work by this time and that he should be having a pint in the Rovers. Janice says that he'll have to make do with a cup of coffee and goes to the coffee machine to get him one. She discovers that the machine is out of order, so Les, forgetting that he's pretending to be injured jumps off the trolly he's been lying on and kicks the machine twice. Just then Martin turns up. He goes on at great length to Les about how Les is wasting hospital resources. He says that Les should be made to pay when they waste the time of hospital staff.

Nick comes into the Kabin to see Leanne again. Rita tells him that he can wait outside for her as she's just about to finish. Leanne asks if she wants her back tomorrow, Rita says that she does. Leanne goes home feeling happy with herself.

In the back room of the Rovers Natalie is telling Sam to pull herself together. Sam says that Des is in the pub. Natalie says that the other punters need a pretty barmaid to cheer them up, Sam says that she'll be out in a minute.

In the corner of the Rovers Rita is sat having a drink. Bitter twisted Gail comes up to her to ask why she's taken Leanne on. Rita says that she needed staff and that Leanne is working out all right so far.

At the bar Mike asks Alma if Hayley has gone yet, she assures him that she has. He says that it's a good thing, because if she hadn't then he'd have had to spend the entire evening in the Rovers.

Les and Janice arrive home. Les is saying that Martin had no right to talk to a patient in that way. Janice points out that Les wasn't a patient, he was a con man, and that he had cost Weatherfield General Hospital a lot of money.

And that's it. Tonights episode seems to have been sponsored by the National Health Service. There was a definite message in there about how much it costs when people like Les Battersby waste hospitals time.

Ian Harding


Friday 6 February

Les' House: Janice inspects Les's smelly feet, but can find no sign of the swelling he insists is there. She knows he's just trying to skive off work and she orders him to go upstairs and get ready.

Firman's Canteen: Hayley joins Alma for a cup of tea. She has brought with her a large gift-wrapped box which she presents to Alma, by way of thanks for all she did following the death of Hayley's father. Alma is overwhelmed when she opens the box to reveal a cashmere sweater. She doesn't want to accept something so expensive but Hayley insists.

Les's House: Les packs his salmon paste sandwiches and gets his walking stick. He says he really needs a wheelchair, then gets himself all worked up ranting about Martin, and the hospital. He says that Martin is only a nurse, not a doctor, and has too high an opinion of himself. Janice points out that Les kicking the coffee machine didn't exactly help matters. Les wishes he had belted Martin and wiped the smug expression off his face. Leanne rushes downstairs, unwilling to be late for work in the Kabin. Les orders her to stop seeing Nick, because of his family. Leanne retorts that she and Nick will be 'together, forever, till death do us part.'

Salon: Maxine wants to go clubbing the next night, to get a man. Fiona is too pregnant to go, but Audrey offers. Maxine laughs, but declines, saying she couldn't cop off if she went with someone looking like her mother. Gail calls in to ask Audrey to babysit. She and Martin want to go to the pictures and for a meal. Audrey agrees and offers to have the children at her house for the night.

Rovers Back Room: Natalie asks Samantha why she doesn't just go along with the wedding to Des, since she knows they get along together. Sam says she doesn't want to be married to anyone at the moment. She nods in agreement, though, when Natalie points out that if the divorce takes a long time to go through, she may have months to wait and see if her feelings change.

Kabin: Leanne is already trained to bring Rita her mid-morning tea. Nick calls it to tell Leanne that Martin and his mum will be going out and they can have the house to themselves for a few hours. Leanne wishes they had a place of their own so they could be together all the time; she urges him to tell his mother that they are married. He promises that he will - soon.

Des's House: Des is anxious to get Richie moving on the divorce proceedings; he wonders if he should phone. Samantha says if Richie is pressurised he might not co-operate at all. Des agrees to wait.

Rovers: Audrey admires Alma's present from Hayley. Alma feels uneasy about the way the friendship is going, though she likes Hayley and feels sorry for her. Audrey and Mike agree that what Hayley needs is a man in her life ..... but who? Intelligent, but shy. An oddball. Or maybe the opposite - thick and extrovert? Les Battersby? Well he fits the description, but is spoken for. Mike says it would have to be someone who is really desperate. OK, says Alma, 'who do we know who is desperate, and a geek?' The door opens and Curly strides in and orders a pint. He feels uncomfortable under the scrutiny of Audrey, Alma and Mike.

Break

Des's House: Sam makes a phone call, and gets Richie's answerphone, but before she can speak Des arrives home so she hangs up. Des enthusiastically tells her about unusual wedding venues, such as football grounds or racecourses. Sam's eagerness doesn't match his own, so he reassures her that the place doesn't matter - he just wants to marry her - soon.

Salon: Fiona is feeling apprehensive about the extent to which the baby will change her life; especially as a lone parent. Maxine and Audrey are sympathetic, but Fiona is determined to wallow in misery. They leave her to it.

Firman's Shop: Curly is surprised when Alma invites him to a dinner party on Monday evening, though he accepts. Alma moves on to ask Hayley as well. Hayley is thrilled, of course, and offers to help Alma; who manages to restrict the extent of Hayley's help to doing the table decorations.

Salon: Fiona is cleaning up, alone, when Steve comes in. He explains that his property development company will be working nearby, and she may suffer some disruption and noise. She thanks him for the information. He asks after her health, and the baby. She says it is due in a couple of months. Steve wants to know if they can still be friends - or at least be civil to each other. Fiona looks suspicious, but concurs.

Rovers: Sam begs a favour from Natalie. She needs an alibi, in order to go to London to see Richie. Natalie is happy to help. Gail and Martin arrive for a drink before the cinema, and Les wants a pint after finishing work. Martin tries to ignore Les's jibes at him and the hospital.

Gail's House: Nicka and Leanne snog on the sofa. She is anxious to find a place to rent, but he says they need to save more money. They decide to go upstairs.

Rovers: Les continues to wind Martin up, and eventually it works. Martin calls Les a sponger, and Les goes for him, fists flying. Gail and Des drag them apart. Gail is really upset, and snaps at Les that his family have upset everyone and should move.

Street: Gail feels too upset to go to the cinema. Martin decides to go to get a Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine, and Gail goes home.

Gail's House: Leanne is in the kitchen, in Gail's dressing gown, getting a drink. Unsurprisingly, Gail is not pleased to find her there, and shouts at Nick to come down. He keeps saying that they are doing nothing wrong. Gail snorts that maybe not by their standards, but her own are a little higher. Nick sets his jaw and demands that she not treat them like children. Leanne urges him to tell Gail. So to Gail's shock, Nick announces that he and Leanne are married. Any trace of sympathy I had for Leanne evaporates as she takes Nick's arm possessively, blinks her eyes in feigned innocence and simpers 'Well, aren't you going to congratulate us?' Tears well up in Gail's eyes. Credits.

Episode written by Mark Wadlow.

Helen


Sunday 8 February

One question to you all: If Kenneths house is No. 1, what number is the Rovers?

Sponsored by Cadburys Milk tray

No.8: After receiving the news, Gail refused to accept that they are married. She telling them that (a) they aren't old enough and (b) they certainly aren't mature enough as they keep on with such a sick joke. (Gawd, she is so absolutely STUPID.

No 2 - Salon: Steve & Fi talking. Need I say more?

No. 8: Martin arrives home with his takeaway. Leanne waffles and says "... and there's nothing you can do about it" Nick asks her to cool it. (If I was Gail I would have slapped her) Nicky asks Gail how else they could have done it, he asks what they would had done if they had told her that they were going to get married. She replies, not suprisingly "We would have done everything we could to stop you" Nicky is satisfied with the answer and replies "Exactly". The young lovers walk out. Gail turns to Martin and says "What are we going to do"

Street: Nick and Leanne try there luck at the Battersbys

No. 5: Leanne starts casually "You know me and Nicky went up to Scotland" - Pause - "Well we got married" - Slightly Bigger Pause - Janice breaks the silence and says "You're not old enough to get married" Les Shouts "Can't I watch the telly in peace" Janice asks him if he has been listening he replies "Yes, at least now I might get some peace around here" Then he stands up and says "Welcome to the family Nicky lad" (Wow, some family to be welcomed to eh?)

Rovers: Sam is on the phone to Richie. She finalises the details with him about her little trip to London. Mike puts his foot down on the dinner party. Les tells Jumbo about Leanne and Nicky.

No. 4: Leanne asks Zoe "What is my last name" she replies "Battersby" (Guess what, wrong answer) Zoe clicks and Ashley is the first to congratulate them. Leanne scavenges a bed for the night.

No. 8: Gail is moaning to Martin. They'll not be welcome in this house for 50 years she says. She wonders why he couldn't have got somebody else.

BREAK

No. 4: Leanne is slagging off Gail

No. 6: Sam says good bye to Des. He insists that he gives her a lift to Nastily's.She says "Is as if you don;t trust me"

No. 8: Gail doesn't want the kids to know about Nicky getting married. Martin persuades her that they should really know. After a debate, she agrees that he should tell them.

Rovers: Les is talking to Janice. He wants to know if the fact that Leanne has got married to Nicky means that they are related to Gail and Martin. Audrey asks Sir Royston if he would like to come to Alma's dinner party. He says that he usually listens to the world service. Audrey tells him that they won't miss him, so he says that he will come.

Richies Joint: Richie wants to know whats going on. Sam tells him. She wants him to refuse her a divorce. The song "TORN" is on in the background.

No. 8: Leanne & Nick confront Gail & Martin. Nothing happens, the young lovers walk out

Street: Leanne tells Nicky that they don't matter.

Episode Written By Peter Whalley

That's it for another week,

HAMBO


Monday 9 February

Hi ratucsers worldwide, here's Dewey's Monday update, a bit earlier than last week's was.

I'm still chuckling at C.P. Turner's weekly update last week, perhaps we might find him doing a daily update on a regular basis ---- fingers crossed.

Wonderful weather here still, crocuses out, daffodils up, but no snowdrops to be seen, or to have been seen. But then, we haven't had any snow either, not a flake. Only scraped frost off the car twice this winter. Shirtsleeve weather for walking to the pub - but not for sitting outside.

Let's get cracking, tonight's episode was excellent. some nice bits of farce lining up, and the beginning of the expected relationship between Sir Royston and Hayley. We haven't got a nickname for Hayley yet.

We open at Ashley & Zoe's where Nick and Leanne have stayed overnight. Leanne is panicking that Zoe should have woken her up as she has to be at work at half past - "'ow were I to know?" asks Zoe, reasonably. Nick says that he's going to see what Student Services can come up with in the accommodation line, while Zoe, in defiance of Ashley, says they can stay as long as they like. Leanne says they want a place of their own, on a street away from his parents.

In a different bedroom, Richie is helping Sam pack away the sofabed. He offers to join her on the journey to Euston, but she declines. Just then the phone rings, it's Des asking him about the situation with the divorce proceedings, only he's not heard anything. Playfully, Richie asks to speak to Sammy. He's enjoying this, she's in a mess and wants his help. What he really wants is to live with Sam as man and wife, but she soon disabuses him of that idea. He's hurt that she 'expects to click her fingers and he'll come running and do the business for her'. "But you promised" pleads Sam, "I promised Des as well"

In the salon, Maxine rolls in very late, having been out clubbing. Audreh and Fiona want chapter and verse, and it seems like she picked up a guy called James Worth, who must be loaded judging by the car he drives. The phone rings, Maxine snatches it up "Fiona Middleton" (note not "Hair by Fiona"), it's James, asking to meet her at lunchtime. She starts to yawn, so Fiona sends her upstairs for a sleep.

In the cafe, Gail tries to sit down with Alma to give her the awful news, but as Roy comes in Alma says it's really him she came to see. Alma tells him that she will quite understand if the manner of the Audreh's invitation to Alma's dinner party makes him less than keen to attend. She's hoping he will feel let off the hook. Roy, bless him, is looking forward to it immensely, and is just about to take his suit to the cleaners. Gail finally gets chance to tell Alma, strictly for her ears only, that "Nick, my 17 year old son, who I though had more sense, has gone and got himself married to Leanne Battersby".

Back at the Salon, Audreh and Fiona are looking forward to seeing James, giving him the once over. Maxine realises she'll not be able to avoid this, and explains that James and his mates were obviously businessmen, so she said she owned a hair salon down Coronation Street. One of the lads knew that it was 'Hair by Fiona Middleton', so naturally assumed Maxine was really Fiona. So this means that when James comes to pick Maxine up, he's picking up a Fiona that's really a Maxine, and being introduced to a Fiona who's pretending to be a Maxine for the sake of covering for the Maxine masquerading as a Fiona. And then there's Audreh, who's just, Audreh.

They've just got this settled when James arrives. He is introduced to Maxine/Fiona and Audreh by Fiona/Maxine. Probably Katie/Shannon is lurking somewhere too. Audreh and Maxine/Fiona start telling James what a wonderful boss Fiona is, especially with keeping Maxine/Fiona on in advanced pregnancy, and Audreh "I turned 39 last week, which is a bit old for this kind of work really". Maxine/Fiona starts to turn the knife by telling James that the best thing about Fiona is how honest she is. Audreh joins in enthusiastically. James and Fiona/Maxine go off to lunch, leaving Maxine/Fiona and Audreh wondering if they went too far and spoiled the lunch.

[Still with me? The character that the character is playing comes first, the character is second]

In the Rovers, Alma explains to Mike that she's changed her day off so that she could get ready for the dinner party. Mike has conveniently forgotten this event, but then tells her that he had forbidden it. Alma hadn't thought he meant it, and was going ahead. She recites the invite list: Audreh, Hayley, Curly and Roy. Mike wonders how she got such talent together - should he tip off Hello! Magazine?

In the Rovers, Jim is boring Gareh again, he's actually speaking to Steve now, and Steve has a labouring job for Gareh, perhaps Jim could join him later?

Sam arrives, fresh from the Euston train. She tells Nastily about the incident with Des phoning Richie. "Well, if you will play these dangerous games" says Natalie. Mrs Pot? There's a Mr Kettle on the phone.

Rita is showing Leanne about the accounting for the regular paper orders. Leanne's attention is distracted by the arrival of Nicky, who reports that Student services couldn't help - the idea of married students was anathema to them.

Janice joins them, all excited about the newlyweds, proudly telling Rita that "an' she's not pregnant or owt". "Well that's posh", says our Rita, "gerrin' married when you don't have to" ---"It'll be a first in our family" says Janice. They begin to talk about the accommodation situation. Nicky wants out of Ashley's "because we promised", so Janice suggests that they come to live with her. It'll be a squeeze, but she won't see them without a roof over their heads.

END OF PART ONE

Get Rich Quick!!!

Virus Warning!!!

This is Not Multi Level Marketing!

Cottage to let in Yorkshire Dales!

Insert your favourite Spam here!!

PART TWO

Fiona/Maxine returns from her lunch date with James, and admits that she hasn't really told James about the Fiona/Maxine deception. Well, she hasn't told him at all, but she will, soon, "I just want to get to know him a bit better, that's all".

James walks in, he forgot to ask her if she "ever listens to Weatherfield Gold?". One of his best mates is Andy Lewis, a night time DJ, so he wants her to listen to his 10pm show. He leaves, and they wonder what that was all about. "Maybe he's going to propose to you over the radio?" says Maxine/Fiona. Fiona/Maxine looks vacant, well more empty-headed than usual, at this idea.

Back at the cafe, Martin is trying to calm Gail, reminding her that Ivy did everything in her power to stop Martin and Gail marrying. "I hope you're not comparing me to her" says Gail. (No Gail, someone here on ratucs made the comparison first) "because the circumstances are different - she had her peculiar ideas and we weren't stupid irresponsible kids".

Toyah arrives, and offhandedly asks Gail if Leanne's marrying Nick makes her and Gail related. Gail throws a real wobbler and suggests that if Toyah wants to keep her job she'll not mention her sister in the cafe again. Martin tries to calm her, but the lady's not for calming.

Two heated discussions are progressing at Ashley's, Nick isn't for sponging off Janice, but Ashley wants them out, he doesn't want to get involved. Zoe insists they can stay, and that she knows Leanne would rather stay there. But Nick has decided that it's best to take up Janice's offer. "We're not going to have our first row, are we?". "No". "Then do as I say, woman"

Alma is having words with Mike, who is determined to eat out rather than suffer her dinner party. He walks out, leaving her to explain about a business meeting that he just *had* to attend. Audreh is in the swing, well on to her second bottle by now. Curly looks very bored, and Hayley is sitting demurely in a sparkly purple jacket.

Roy arrives, bearing flowers for Alma, and is introduced, particularly to Hayley, who excitedly jumps up to shake his hand. Audreh goes off to get Roy a drink.

Janice welcomes Nick to live chez Battersby. Toyah is insistent that they do not get 'her' room. Of course it was part Leanne's until a few days ago, but Toyah has annexed her part. She runs upstairs to throw remaining traces of Leanne out, followed closely by said Mrs Tilsley screaming 'I'll kill ya!' Nick wonders about the occupants of this house, but Janice says "Don't worry, luv, you'll get used to us."

At the dinner table, Hayley is sitting between Curly and Roy, Audreh has finished another bottle of red (who's she on a promise with then?) and is getting tipsy. Hayley tries to start conversation, asking Roy if he's "always lived in Weatherfield?" Roy has, except when he lived in Bolton, although he goes on to explain that it wasn't really Bolton, but people called it Bolton on account of where the council moved the boundary. This geographical pettiness is too much for Curly, and when Hayley turns and asks him the same question he brusquely answers 'No', and then makes his excuses and says he's got to leave to make some important phone calls.

Alma is saying that despite them working together, they never really get chance to sit and talk. Audreh, the worse for drink, chips in with "go on Alma, tell them the real reason why we're here tonight -she thinks you two (Curly and Hayley) ought to get off with one another". Hayley doesn't know where to look, she's stunned into embarrassed silence.

Curly starts to leave, but Audreh continues to tell Hayley that she "ought to grab him, there's a bedroom over there..." Curly leaves and Audreh tells her that "You've lost your chance there luvveh". Hayley smiles and says that all she's lost is the chance to make a fool of herself. As Alma says to Audreh "that's a chance you never miss do you, Audrey?"

Des walks into his living room and asks Sam if she "wants a drink, or is she still recovering from last night?". "Last night?" questions Sam before she remembers her little deception about clubbing with Nastily."No, we weren't that late" Background music here is another fitting choice - The Human League's 'Don't you want me?'

The phone rings, it's Richie telling Des that he's been thinking - what does he want a divorce for anyway? He's going to leave things as they are. "But you gave me your word" says Des, "Yes, but I also gave it to Sammy, the day I married her" and hangs up. When he tells Sam about their plans being thwarted, she allows herself a wry smile.

Back at the Dinner Party from Hell, Roy opens his purse to give Alma ten pence for the use of her phone to call a taxi. Hayley has decided that it's time she went, so asks Roy to order two, but Roy suggests they could share. Audreh whispers to Alma that perhaps Roy is more forward than they give him credit for - he's got her into his taxi. Alma, who by this time is also getting tipsy, suggests it's only to share the cost. Audreh hadn't thought of that.

It must be nearly 10pm because Fiona/Maxine is tuning in to Weatherfield Gold on Maxine/Fiona's radio in her flat.

In the Rovers, the two escapees from the Dinner Party from Hell have left their taxi and gone for a nightcap. Roy explains he's not one for late night drinking, but he felt the evening needed rounding off. Hayley looks delighted.

Des is trying to understand Richie's change of mind, he thought Richie had got any anti-Des feelings out of the way long ago. Sam reminds him that Richie is not a decent man.

Steve is offering Gary a labouring job, but there's nothing for Jim. Steve asks Jim to stay as far away from Fiona as he can. Jim would do anything to make her happy, and help her forget what happened.

Roy and Hayley are having a cosy tete a tete (I can't do accents on this keyboard!). Hayley is amused to learn that 'Alma's drunken friend' is the mother of Roy's colleague, Gail. She thinks back to the highlight of the evening, learning how it was planned to pair her off with Curly -"I'd say it scared him half to death". She explains that Curly is another of them that talk to her as if she's gormless, and she "wouldn't look at him if he was the last man on Earth." She's going to "Lead my own life, and I'll live it in my own way, thank you very much.". Roy smiles, but there are obviously thoughts churning in his mind.

Back at Maxine/Fiona's where Fiona/Maxine is excited by the developments on the radio. Andy Lewis that he's "got a message to deliver to Fiona Middleton, he's not just a DJ, he's a one man rival to the Internet." He goes on to say that she's captured the heart of a man who didn't know she exited 24 hours earlier. "Jim loves you, Jim worships you, Jim cannot, and will not, live without you". This strikes an unwanted chord with the real Fiona.

You know what's coming, don't you? I said it was farce.

Steve MacDonald leaves the Rovers, pulls his collar up against the wind, and walks to his car. He turns on the radio to hear "and that was The Stranglers' 'Strange Little Girl' for Fiona Middleton, and don't forget, Fiona, Jim loves you, Jim worships you, and Jim will not leave you alone until you agree to spend the rest of your life with him. So, you might as well agree now.....".

Closing Credits

Episode written by Brian Rix, using the name Peter Whalley.

Dewey


Wednesday 11 February

Hello there folks, You may remember, not too long ago, that I wrote the update and professed I would never write it again. I was wrong. Ian will be the first to tell you that I am never wrong about anything. Well there is a first time for everything. I hadn't counted on being such an empath. Ian didn't beg me to do this. No......... I volunteered. Ian has been a little under the weather lately and is busy with his music and his recently entered health programme. He is looking so tired of late so I looked for some way that I could ease his burden. As I the only instrument I can play is the triangle, Ian declined my offer of help. And rightly so. His health programme consists of at least a two hour walk every day and as he is always telling me to put weight on he wouldn't be delighted by me taking his walk for him. So unfortunately for you lot, this is the only way I could help him.

It is seven am in the Battersby household. Nick & Leanne are doing what comes naturally to young newly weds thinking they are alone when suddenly they hear Les slurping on a cup of tea. They stop what they are doing but Les points out that he has head-phones on and can not hear what they are doing and suggests they just carry on.

Butch and Sundance ( alias Jim and Gary) are loading their van in preparation for a days work. Steve comes along and in an attempt to prolong the ridiculous farce which started on Monday nights episode tells his dad what a sad old git he is for telling Fiona, via the radio, how he felt about her. Jim says that he doesn't know what Steve is talking about so he doesn't but Steve shouts and overacts a lot and then storms of in a huff. Jim asks Gary what that was all about and Gary tells Jim about the message on the radio. Jim says it wasn't me. Someone's taking the Mick, aren't they, so they are.

Alma comes out of the Kabin and bumps into Sir Roy. She apologises for having lumbered him with Hayley. Roy says he was very happy to accompany her and that they went for a nice drink in the Rovers. Alma then pretends that it had been her intention all along to introduce Roy to Hayley. Ooh Alma, you lickle liar.

Nick goes back to Gayle's house to pick up the rest of his stuff. Silly, bitter, twisted Gayle tries to stop him. Nick tells his mum that he is living across the road at the Battersby's. Gayle rants and raves saying that he can't leave. Somehow I think Gayle has missed the point.

In Fiona's salon Fiona is telling Maxine that she had better go and tell that boyfriend of hers who she really is. Maxine says that she will ring him and tell him. Fiona says that she just hopes that no one else heard it on the radio. Just then Audrey comes in announcing that she had heard the message and they all consider the implications of how the message sounded.

Back in the asylum, loony Gayle is trying to talk Nick into staying at home and forgetting Leanne. She tells him that she realises that she may be making him hate her by what she is saying (too right missis!!!) but she feels she has to justify her existence somehow. Nick leaves telling his mum that he loves Leanne and she loves him and that's all there is to it.

Meanwhile, back at the saloon..... I mean salon, Big Jim bursts in. He has come to tell Fiona that he had nothing to do with the message on the radio, so he hasn't. As Fiona is explaining to him that she knows it wasn't him and that it was all a big mistake, Stevie Boy arrives on the scene and, doing something which allegedly comes quite naturally to him is real life, he pounces on Jim and thumps him.

In the Cafe Gayle arrives for work and immediately tells Roy to give her a wide berth today as (surprise surprise) she is not very nice to know. Roy makes the mistake of telling the bitter and twisted one that he had prior knowledge of the impending nuptuals of Nick and Leanne. Nasty Gayle tell Sir Roy that he is mentally retarded and storms off leaving our hero looking rather gob smacked. Just then Hayley turns up to see Roy. She is concerned when she notices that Roy seems slightly distant and suggests that she comes back later. Roy assures that it is nice to see a friendly face and asks her to stay. Hayley asks Roy if he is all right and before the word 'no' is uttered from his lips the expression which he so finely portrays tells the whole world NO he is not OK. He is a fine actor.

Back at the OK coral, oops I mean the salon, Fiona tries to pacify Steve explaining to him that the message on the radio was in fact due to the appalling laziness of the scriptwriters and that it wasn't anything to do with Jim, so it wasn't. Jim, having watched some old episodes of Corrie and having studied what his character used to be like, realises that it is time to show what a 'man' he is and threatens to thump Steve if he doesn't back off, so he does.

Roy explains to Hayley what Gayle has said and Hayley says that she doesn't think he should stand for it. She says that she has been called lots of names in the past and that abusive nature should be challenged. Roy asks Hayley if she thinks he is mentally retarded. Hayley says, of course not. She really enjoys his company and invites him out for dinner this evening. Roy accepts on the condition that he is the one taking her out. At that point Gayle comes back into the cafe and says that she is taking the day off. Roy stops her and confronts her saying that she abused him. He says she will have to apologise to him, here and now, or he will have to reconsider their position as partners in business. Gayle says she meant everything she said and walks away. Roy tells her that she will he hearing from his solicitors......forthwith.

In chez Battersby Les announces that he's going to hold a wedding party for the happy couple and that he is going to invite the whole street. In fact he is going, straight away, to invite that Boss of Leanne's. Leanne says to thank her for keeping quiet about them being married.

Across at the Kabin Rita is chatting with Martin. Les comes across and invites Rita to the party. He also invites Martin but it doesn't sound as though he really means it.

IN the Rovers Roy is awaiting Hayley's arrival. It seems that she is a little late and so Roy is toying with the idea of having a small sherry. Over in the corner Martin is telling Gayle about the forthcoming party. Gayle announces that it is not going to happen and storms out of the pub. Just then Hayley turns up apologising for being late. Roy and Hayley depart for the restaurant.

Down the street the bitter twisted one is banging on the Battersby's door demanding of Les what Game he is playing. When he fails to understand the dialogue she re-iterates by asking him about the sham of a wedding party. Les tells her he thinks they make a lovely couple and slams the door in her face.

In a posh restaurant Roy and Hayley are enjoying a meal together. It seems that Roy know a little bit about wine. Hayley says that she really enjoys their conversations and she feels that she can talk to him about anything. Hayley says it is unusual for her to get on with a man in this way and Roy says it is the same for him. Then they both admit to each other that this is the first time they have been out on a date. They then raise their glasses and toast Alma with much gratitude.

At the Battersby's Nick and Leanne are once again at it on their bed on the floor in the living room when Toyah decides to come downstairs for a glass of water. Leanne and Nick seem to be beginning to realise that this may not be an ideal situation.

At Des's house, Sam is telling Des that is shouldn't matter that they have to wait to get married. Des tells Sam that id does matter and he is going down to London to sort things out once and for all.

The evening draws to a close as Hayley's taxi arrives and she puts her anorak on over her evening dress and kisses Roy on the cheek.

And that's all for now folks. Ian will be back next week. If not I will be here to stand in for him. I'll be overjoyed when he has finished recording this Bloody CD. I suppose you will be too.

Denise Harding

 


Friday 13 February

So that's it. I got through Friday the 13th without a mishap. Let's see if the residents of a certain area of Weatherfield can do the same:

Friday, 13th February 1998

Des' House, 8 am: Sam assures Des that getting a quick divorce doesn't matter, as she is happy as they are. Des is frustrated and angry that Richie changed his mind, so he decides that after the racing at Bangor he will go down to London again to confront Richie. Sam tries to dissuade him, but Des is determined to go.

Les's House: There is no peace for the newlyweds trying to sleep on the sofa as the Battersby household prepares for work and school. Les moans about having to go and stand in the cold on the Red Rec, but is looking forward to the party tonight. He hopes that all the guests will bring plenty of beer.

Roy's Rolls, 8:20 am: The atmosphere is frosty between Gail and Roy - her attitude is 'It's work: we don't have to enjoy it, we just have to get on with it.' Roy is still upset by what Gail said. She responds that he heard Nick and Leanne planning to run away and get married ... she sobs. Then she breaks down in tears and apologises profusely to Roy. He assures Gail it is all forgotten now, and awkwardly tries to comfort her. Gail apologises some more, puts her arms round him and sobs into his neck. Roy coaxes a smile out of her by wondering what a customer would say if one walked in at that moment.

Des's House: Sam has one last try to stop Des going to London. Immediately he leaves, she phones her husband and leaves a message warning him of Des's visit. She begs him to be careful what he says, and not to say that she was there.

Roy's Rolls, 11:30 am: Gail is amused to see Hayley approaching and teases Roy about his girlfriend. He hotly denies he has a girlfriend. Hayley is on her day off and has had a lie in. Roy will be finishing early and taking some food up to the Red Rec protest. Hayley says she supports the cause - to Roy's pleasure, and agrees to return at 3:30pm to accompany Roy - who has by now burned his bacon.

Kabin: Leanne tells Rita of her relief that the secret is out. Rita is sympathetic when Leanne complains of Gail's reaction. Rita reminds her that lots of women think their sons marry someone not good enough. Leanne wishes they didn't have to live at her Dad's, but is looking forward to the party. She wistfully remarks that a proper wedding would have been good - but stresses that she won't have another in future, as she and Nick are together for good.

Rovers: Gary joins Fiona, who is glad that Jim isn't with him. Alma tells Audrey that Hayley and Roy are seeing each other. Audrey approves - uncharitably adding that both are a few pennies short of a shilling.

Red Rec: Spider and Les bicker through the fence, Spider seemingly enjoying winding Les up. Roy and Hayley approach - bearing lemon meringue pies which Curly has donated. They are not even past their sell-by date yet! Les half-heartedly tries to prevent them entering. Traversing a sea of mud between the trees, Roy and Hayley suddenly fall through into a trench about 4 feet deep and flail about in the mud.

Break

By now, Roy and Hayley have escaped from the pit, and she has rolled up her trouser leg enabling Roy to gently manipulate her knee and ankle (to her evident pleasure). Les advises them not to bother seeking compensation. Spider is upset that they have ruined one of the best tunnels; Roy reminds him that the purpose of their visit was to donate supplies. Hayley seems impressed by Roy's assertiveness.

Rovers: Sam phones Richie again to warn him to be careful what he says to Des. Richie tells her he got the message, but has to go as there is someone at the door.

Richie's Flat: At first, Richie is not inclined to let Des in. Des insists he will not go away until he has some answers.

Les's House: Preparations for the party are in full swing. Leanne promises Toyah a 'proper' drink - in exchange for her sleeping on the sofa so Nick and Leanne can have her room for the night. Nick arrives with 3 non-speaking friends and proudly introduces his wife to them.

Gail's House: Mummy has been watching through the curtains. She is upset that Nick let himself in with his own key, surmising that her boy is deep in the clutches of those horrible people. Martin angrily asks her what alternative she was giving Nick when she threw him out.

Richie's Flat, 7pm: Des makes it clear he is unhappy that Richie changed his mind, but says it is only postponing the inevitable - that Sam will divorce Richie and marry Des. Richie snaps that Des is assuming too much about Sam's feelings. He tells Des that Sam visited him to beg him not to divorce her, and asks what excuse Sam gave for staying out that night. Des's face falls as he listens to the answerphone message and hears Sam asking Richie not to tell Des she was there.

Rovers: Natalie notices that Sam is in a good mood. She is confident that nothing has gone wrong. Roy and Hayley are both feeling better after their respective baths, if a little bruised. They shyly admit they were each glad the other was there. Roy says he has something for her, and Hayley is just saying 'you shouldn't have' but is speechless when Roy produces a bottle of stain remover. He assures her it is good for getting stains off anoraks.

Les's House: The party is in full swing. Zoe and Ashley bring baby Shannon and Janice suggests they put her in the bedroom. Gary tells Ashley that Judy stayed at home with an imaginary headache because she thought that Zoe would be there. By 8:30, Les is well oiled and decides to make a speech - to Leanne's embarrassment. Les wishes the newlyweds happiness equal to that he has shared with his princess - Janice, and bursts into a spirited rendition of 'You'll Never Walk Alone'!

Gail's House: A weary Martin listens to Gail wailing that her son is ruining his life, finally he shouts at Gail to try to make her understand: Nick loves Leanne; Gail threw him out; Nick has nowhere else to go but the Battersbys; Gail, by her actions, is driving Nick closer to the family she despises.

Les's House: Nick is pleased that Leanne has secured a bed for the night. Les is asleep in a chair, to Toyah's relief that he won't embarrass them again. Janice knows the potential is still there. Zoe is getting very friendly with one of Nick's friends - to Ashley's disgust. He decides to go home with Shannon, and fails to persuade Zoe to leave with him.

Rovers, closing time: Sam is pleased to see Des back, until he accuses her of sleeping with Richie while begging him not to divorce her. Sam denies it, but admits to lying about where she was that night. Natalie can only look on anxiously, as Sam babbles wildly her excuses to Des. 'You SLUT!' Des barks, silencing Sam. He turns on his heel and marches out. Credits.

Episode written by John Stevenson.

The LWT continuity announcer wonders if Des has sent Sam a Valentine.....

Happy Valentine's greetings for tomorrow, to you all, wherever you are.


Sunday 15 February

Hello All!

No.6 We open today with Des having a little drink, Sam comes home early from the Rovers. She explains why she went to see Richie.

No.4 Zoe comes home, drunk. Ashley explains that a smoky room is not good for a 'likkle' baby.

No.6 Des refuses to sleep with Sam.

No.5 Nicky thanks "Mrs. Battersby" for the party. She insists that he calls her Janice. Toyah draws a tash on Les' face (great improvement)

Street Spider is getting the post, Roy comes up. Spider tells Roy that he will be digging a tunnel tonight, Weather permitting. Roy does a Michael Fish impression. We then cross the street to see Jim and Scooby getting ready for work. Jim insists that they don't need Steve's work.

No.5 Janice brings Mr + Mrs Tilsley Breakfast in Bed.

No.6 Des tells Sam that she has to go. She tells him that she has nowhere to go. Des replies "I can think of at least one place that you will be welcome.

Break

No6. Sam is gathering her things, she is going to Nastily's

Red Rec Roy and Hayley have ventured up there (treading carefully) It is cold and Roy insists that Hayleys takes his coat. They want to help to dig the new tunnel. Spider keeps hitting rock. He thinks about borrowing a pneumatic drill. Roy finds a Roman bath tool, he figures that the hard surface could be the Roman public baths. Hayley tells Roy that he should be on Mastermind. He says "I'm not good enough, besides it's not on anymore". He tells Spider to carefully brush away the soil. It reveals... A Mosaic

That is it for another week. Might see ya next week!

HAMBO


Monday 16 February

We open on the Red Rec where Paddy Security tears Les away from his paper to go and investigate what 'that lot' are up to.

Roy, Spider, Toyah and others are collecting Roman artefacts to get them away from the council wreckers. Roy is explaining that Paulium was built around Weatherfield, and this could have been the site of the bath house. Of course, it could have been the vomitarium, he supposes. He elaborates by explaining that the Romans invented overconsumption, and after gargantuan feasts would go to the vomitarium and get shut of the lot before starting again. Toyah is horrified, especially after handling things.

Les wants to know what they're up to. "The end of Weatherfield Concert Bowl, that's what this is", says Spider, handing him a piece of metal that could be a brooch. Les thinks it looks more like a squashed beer can, and hurls it into the shrubbery. "Don't" cries Spider, but it's too late, scornfully Les tells him to "You, behave".

Ashley is leaving the House of Elliott, where Zoe is telling him not to come home at lunchtime because she won't be there - she's got to take Shannon to the clinic for a checkup. (Well, the health visitor won't be coming 'cos she's in Emmerdale now....) She looks a bit cagey.

Nick is accosted by Granny Audrey on his way to the bus stop. She says nothing of consequence, explaining that he shouldn't have been surprised at Gail's reaction to his getting married. Nick tells her that it's all because Gail doesn't like Leanne, but he loves her, so that's that!!! She says that that attitude must be related to her genes. "Sweetheart, I'm not going to stand in judgement on anyone, but you've taken a huge step, Young love's all very well, but you don't want your college work to suffer" The bus arrives in Rosamund Street (but *we* know that it can't travel more than another 20 yards!) and he runs to catch it.

Sam and Betty are setting up the bar. Sam drops a pint mug while she's putting it away, and it smashes on the bar floor. (Strangely, as she sees it drop, Sam is more concerned with using both hands to rearrange her hair!) Betty, reacting more to the script than Sam's accident, casually turns round and tells her not to worry, there's plenty more in the pub. Sam blames it on her thoughts being elsewhere, and Betty assures her that "it's just a lovers' tiff, Des'll be round, you'll see!".

Nastily slides in, and agrees that Betty might be right, but that Sam won't know unless she talks to Des. Nastily tells her that she's (Sam) got nothing to be ashamed of, she didn't sleep with Richie, and that Sam only lied toDes to save his feelings - maybe she's better off without him.

The Roman spoils, The Treasures of Paulinus' Bath House, are being laid out on newspaper in Emily's parlour. Poor Emily has a touch of laryngitis, but that's not part of the plot. Not even mentioned. Spider is convinced that this find has put paid to the Alf Roberts Millennium Concert Bowl, but Emily points out that they ought to tell an expert because they don't know how long before the bulldozers go in. Roy remembers a Professor Barker who gave a talk at the Weatherfield Historical Society some months ago.

In the Rovers, Alfeh explains to Audreh that he is excited because the eviction notice will be served today, that rabble will be off the site tonight, the bulldozers can go in and the trees will be down by Wednesday. Concert Bowl here we come!! Audreh'll drink to that!

Des arrives, throws some holiday brochures on the bar that have arrived by post for Sam. He tells Nastily to take them home for 'your mate', and to tell Sam (who now walks in ) that he hopes she has a very good American holiday with Richie. He storms out.

At The House of Elliott, Zoe has discovered how to plug in the vacuum cleaner. And how to turn it on and use it! A hurried bit of tidying, and there's a caller at the door. It's Mr Sparrow from the Benefits Agency. She invites him in. It's a routine visit to check her entitlement to Housing Benefit and Income Support. She's apparently claiming £100 a month housing benefit to cover rent to her landlord, Mr Ashley Peacock. "Hi Zoe, I'm home" calls the landlord as he comes home contrary to instructions. Seeing Mr Sparrow, Mr Jealous asks "What's goin' on here then?"

Audreh and Alfeh have decamped to the cafe. They swap gossip about Hayley & Roy, the Red Rec, Hayley falling down a tunnel shaft, and how Audreh was talking to Nick this morning. Audreh wants Gail to get used to the idea of Nick & Leanne, because it's affecting him, and his studies. Gail is surprised that he's still going to college, she thought by now he'd have his feet up in front of the telly with a few cans of beer like his new father-in-law.

Mr Sparrow wants Ashley to confirm the facilities available to Miss Tattersall in return for her rent. Sometimes Ashley is a few trains short of a full service, and he doesn't quite twig that she's claiming benefit fraudulently. Zoe tries to mime services received, to little effect. Mr Sparrow wants to know how many bedrooms there are, and goes on to recount a story of a not dissimilar household where the woman was claiming benefit to pay the rent to her 'landlord', but there was only the one bedroom. Ashley's CPU eventually recognises the situation and he asks what happened to the couple. "I'm afraid Her Majesty selected their room-mates after that..." Ashley looks worried.

Maud is having a 'Hair by Fiona'. She wonders about Fiona's thoughts on name for the baby. Maud thinks it's "best to wait to see what flavour you get - you'd look silly setting your heart on Beatrice and getting a boy!" Fiona doesn't think there's much chance of setting her heart on Beatrice, despite, as she learns, it having been Maud's Mother's name, and means 'Bringer of Joy'. But anyway, Fiona's still got 5 weeks to think about it.

Steve arrives at this point, with a big bunch of flowers because he wanted to apologise for the incident last week. Fiona suddenly screams, and clutches her stomach. Steve wants to get the doctor, but Maud tells him not to be so soft, it'll be indigestion or something. Fiona is in pain again, and insists "the baby's coming".

END OF PART ONE

Fiona is still trying to phone her mother, Steve is all for driving round to put a note through her door. Maud pooh-poohs the whole idea of imminent childbirth - "You said yourself the baby's not due for five weeks, you'll get plenty more twinges, it's all part of the fun." "These are NOT twinges, Maud, this is not fun!" says Fiona. Maud is still adamant it's a false alarm. Fiona realises that Audrey is late, and it's Maxine's day off, but just then Audreh arrives - "what's all this then?". "The baby can't tell the time either, Audrey". Fiona and Steve leave.

Paddy Security, flanked by Police and followed by a bulldozer, brandishes an eviction notice, and tells our Red Reccers that the fun's over, they've got to leave, by force if necessary. Emily is determined to protect the archaeological find, and lies down, soon followed by the others. (Unavoidable continuity error - Emily's sudden recovery from laryngitis)

In Steve's car, on the way to the hospital, Fiona's having more pains "Steve, this is my body, I know, it's not a false alarm".

In his best bedside manner, Paddy Security suggests to Emily that this is no place for a woman of her age. "If you're so concerned to protect the age of things, what about the legacy of ancient civilisations?" Les dismisses it as rubbish, dumped over the years. A new face arrives just at this moment, it's Professor Barker, Professor of Archaeology at the University, brought in by Roy to give authenticity to their finds. He looks a bit like a bloated Richard E Grant. He's quite sure that this is Paulium, but Les dismisses him as a fake until he is shown his photograph on the back cover of one of his books. Paddy Security gets on the phone to his masters - "Paddy Thompson here, there's a bit of a problem"

Back at Ashley's, Zoe's cross at Ashley for coming back and getting involved in 'what I'm entitled to', and he's cross at her for defrauding the DSS. Sternly, he tells her that "there'll be no more fiddling at this address". "You know, you turn me on when you get macho" she says, holding him, "and babies cost a fortune, just in nappies, without that money we'll be skint". "Well, you'd best give up on t'fags then".

Les tells Paddy that "If Barker here is an archaeologist, then I'm Indiana Jones". Emily and team are still sitting in front of the bulldozer, in big discomfort. Prof Barker returns from visiting the Council. "I have in my hand a piece of paper, the official confirmation of the immediate end of Works - the Weatherfield Concert Bowl will not be built here." Cheers and hugs all round.

In the Rovers, Martin chats with Janice about the cessation of hostilities on the Red Rec and how he quite fancied having a Concert Bowl nearby. Bad move Martin, Gail saw you conversing with the enemy. Martin points out to her that the Battersbys put a roof over Nick's head when Gail threw him out.

Alfeh explains political manoeuvering to Audreh, to convince her (and possibly himself) that the Council have not backed down over the Red Rec development, just moved with the goalposts.

The Red Reccers are celebrating, Toyah reluctantly with lemonade.

On the Red Rec, in the dark, Les is searching for the brooch. Paddy, doing his security bit, wants to know what he's doing. Les bluffs that he's clearing up, but Paddy has to tell him that the job's over, and that he wants the torch, hard hat and weatherproofs back. Without a word, Les gives him these items, then slaps Paddy on both cheeks like Eric Morecambe used to do to Little Ern.

Des opens the door to Samantha. She wants to talk, but he doesn't want to listen to excuses.He thanks her for wrecking his life. Despite her pleading that she needs him, he insists they're finished - "Get out, Sam". She leaves.

Les arrives home to incur Janices's wrath. He's late, his tea's ruined. Leanne wants to know whether he's found the Roman brooch Toyah told her about. No he hasn't and Janice does a quick volte-face to sympathise, and that she understands why he's been to drown his sorrows. Les puts her right - he's not been drowning his sorrows, he's been celebrating. Why? Because Paddy's given him his cards, no more early mornings, he can lie in and have Janice bring him breakfast in bed! Suddenly Janice turns again, and attacks him with a tea towel.

At the hospital, Steve has managed to get hold of Fiona's Mother, who is on her way. Considering it was daylight when they were driving to the hospital, and it's gone midnight now, it's surely surprising that she's still dressed in her hairdressing clothes? Whatever, she goes into more twinges, and asks Steve to stay with her because she's scared. All through this scene, with Fiona in obvious distress, the nursey type is a non speaking extra, who just holds Fiona and looks at her watch.

So. I think she's going to drop the sprog next ep.

Episode written by Phil Wood

Dewey


Wednesday 18 February

Greetings one and all

Before I go any further I would like to thank everyone who has written to me recently. Your comments have been very kind and very helpful. I now know what sort of updates you prefer, and starting next week I will endeavour to continue to write them in that way.

So you can expect a rambling intro, followed by a description of the comings and goings on the Street, including bits of dialogue which are particularly funny or worthy of mention for some other reason. And, to all those of you who asked, I promise to conclude the story about my attempts to emulate Lying-Fake-Ex-pilot-Jon's success next week. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to everyone personally, but I really didn't expect to recieve so many replies to my request, although it was lovely to hear from everyone who wrote to me.

Unfortunately this week I am rather busy, so the intro has bitten the dust once again. But as I said, next week everything should be back to normal.

Now, let's get on with the events on Coronation Street on Wednesday 18th February 1998...............

You may remember a few weeks ago I was raving about the exceptionally high standard that we have been enjoying in Corry recently. Well I take it all back. Brian Park seems to have lost the plot again and has decided to change everyones personality and their relationship with each other. Oh, Mr Park! Why don't you go away and get a job, and leave our beloved Corry alone?

Tonights episode starts in a hospital waiting room. Steve is curled up asleep on a chair. A gormless nurse come in and wakes him by telling him how cute he looks, "...just like a little hedgehog" and goes on to tell him that both Fiona and the baby are doing well, and does he want to go and have a look at the baby. The nurse has obviously mistaken Steve for the father of the child, not as we all suspect.... the brother.

Nick and Leanne are trying to sleep on the living room floor at the Battersby's. Nick is complaining that it's impossible to sleep there because the matress feels as if it's made of cardboard. Nick tells Leanne that he refuses to sleep on the Battersby's floor again. Leanne suggests that they move back in with Ashley and Zoe, but Nick says that maybe they should move in with Audrey and Alf.

Back at the hospital Fiona is looking at her new baby. He's in an incubator as he was five weeks early. In comes the nurse with Steve. Fiona thanks Steve for staying overnight at the hospital. Steve just stands there looking gormless. Just then Fiona's mum comes in the room and tells Steve that Fiona needs some rest. Steve takes the hint and leaves. In personality change number one, Fiona looks lovingly at Steve as he goes. Fi's mum explains to the nurse that Steve isn't the father, he's "...just someone she knows". Fiona shows an amazing lack of taste coupled with a total memory loss when she says "He's a friend".

At Ashley's house Zoe is complaining to Ashley about him not letting her lie to the people at the DSS. She tells him that she has a 'right' to that money. Ashley tells her that he doesn't understand why she wants to live off the State when he's quite happy to support her. She says that she wants her own money, money that she's 'earned'. How the hell she thinks she's earned money when in fact she would have stolen it by lying to the DSS is beyond me.

At Emily's Geoffrey is on the phone to one of his tree dwelling chums. It seems that we are expected to believe that Geoffrey's pal lives in a tree, but has a mobile phone and a lap-top computer.... Oh yes? So where does he plug 'em in? Even with the latest battery technology phones and computers need charging up regularly. But, let us suspend our disbelief and go back to the plot. Roy arrives at Emily's. Emily sounds as if she has a sore throat and Roy suggests that she takes some Epsom Salts or Bicarbonate of Soda, he says they are very good for a hangover. Emily says that she doesn't have a hangover, but quickly admits that she may have a mild one. When Geoffrey comes off the phone he says that his chum Shytalk (I think that's what he called him) is an expert archeologist, and that he warned Geoffrey that the Red Rec will soon be swarming with people trying to steal artifacts, and that they must guard it against such people.

Janice is setting off for work. Les is grumbling about losing a Roman broach on the Red Rec. He decides to buy a metal detector which he has seen advertised in the local paper for forty pounds. Les says that he'll soon find the broach, and if it's made of gold he'll never work again. Janice says "That'll make a change".

Maxine visits Fiona in hospital. Fi goes all dewey eyed as she tells Max about how wonderful Steve was when he drove her at over a hundred miles an hour to the hospital, and how he'd spent the night there.

Zoe sees Leanne outside the Kabin. Leanne is grumbling about her and Nick not having their own room. Zoe says that they should move back in with her and Ashley, but this time they should pay rent. Leanne asks Zoe if she'll have a word with Ashley, but Zoe says it would be better if Leanne and Nick spoke to him themselves.

Back at the hospital Fiona is talking to Maxine about what she's going to call her offspring. Henry is the first name she thinks of, but Max isn't too impressed with that, so then she decides on Spike. Maxine says that maybe she should sleep on it.

In the corner shop Leanne is trying to make Ashley feel sorry for her and Nick by telling him that if they don't find a place of their own soon that they'll split up. Ashley doesn't seem to be too impressed and says that as he only rents his house that he can't let them live there. Leanne leaves the shop in a bit of a huff telling Ashley that it'll be his fault if her and Nick split up. As she leaves Natalie comes in the shop, closely followed by Des. I personality change number two, Des has turned from Mr Cheerful Chappy into Mr Miserable Feeling Sorry For Himself Git. Natalie asks him if he's all right. Des says "Why ask me? I'm always the last to know" - Get a life Des.

As Janice comes out of the factory for her lunch she bumps into Les. He's carrying his metal detector and looking decidedly miserable. she asks him what's wrong and he tells her that the metal detector was a complete waste of money as he couldn't get close to the site. It seems that the Red Rec is now completely roped off.

Natalie waits for Des to come out of the corner shop. She tells him that she didn't want to lie for Samantha but that she coudn't help it. Des tells her that he thinks she's an interfering two-faced hypocrate. I wonder if this means that he'll soon be having breakfast with her...

And now it's the adverts. Instead of advertising the usual over priced rubbish that we get on the telly, I'm going to advertise web sites on here. So if you want people to visit your site let me know the address. I'll check it out and every week I'll put an ad for one web site on here, and it won't cost you a penny.

This week I'll just advertise my own.....
it's The Wonderful World of Pusscat and it's at:-

http://www.pusscat.demon.co.uk/

It hasn't been updated for a while - but there'll be lots of wonderful new stuff on there very soon.

And now - Back to the Street........

Ashley is talking to Zoe in his shop. He's telling her about Leanne asking if her and Nick could move in with them. Zoe pretends that she didn't know anything about it. Ashley says that they can't move in because it would mean a lot more cooking and cleaning, but Zoe says that she'll do it. Ashley tells her that she's got enough on looking after Shannon. Zoe asks if they'd be paying rent, he says yes, so Zoe says that would mean that she would be earning her keep (eh? how'd she work that out???) Ashley says he'll think about it.

In the Rovers Steve is buying a pint and talking to Natalie. Natalie has her coat on and is ready to go home, but she's serving Steve. Just then Jim comes into the pub so he does. He asks Natalie for a pint, and even though she's meant to have finished she serves him. As she does so, she tells Jim all about Steves exploits and how he helped Fiona, and that Fiona now has a baby son. Steve tells Jim that it was a good job that it was him and not Jim who was there to help, as Fiona would rather have crawled through broken glass than to have a lift with Jim. Jim tells Steve that Steve blew his chances with Fiona three years ago. The expression on Steve's face tells us that maybe he realises this.

Sitting at a table by the window in the Rovers, Alf is telling Emily and Geoffrey that he always thought that there was something of interest under the Red Rec. Geoffrey says that if it hadn't been for the protest they'd never have known. Alf points out that there's not a public authority anywhere that would have worked so fast to protect the Red Rec as he and his cronies did. I reckon that it's amazing how fast things can happen on soap when they decide to drop a useless storyline that's going nowhere.

Les is grumbling about losing that broach again. He tells Janice that he's got a job at the Red Rec again, as a night watchman. He thinks that this will give him a chance to use his metal detector to find the broach. Then Leanne comes downstairs and announces that she's moving out. She says that her and Nick are moving in with Ashley and Zoe. Janice points out that with the baby crying all the time she'll get no rest. Leanne says that it'll be just like home then.

At the Platts house Gail and Martin are discussing Nick again. Martin points out that his mum didn't want him to marry Gail all those years ago. Gail doesn't see how he can compare her with Leanne. Miserable Gail says that Leanne will make Nick leave college to get a job.

Ashley is at home talking to Zoe. "We've got a nice lickle house here" says Ashley "just you me and Shannon. We're all comfy and seckled". He goes on to say that he doesn't want Leanne coming along and taking over. Zoe points out that that she can use the rent money to buy things for the baby. Ashley says that he can buy things for the baby, but Zoe says that she wants to pay for things herself (Where does that girl get her ideas from? Surely any rent money should go to Ashley, or more likely to Fred). Zoe eventually talks Ashley into saying that it's OK for Nick and Leanne to move in for a trial period when suddenly there's a knock at the door - it's Leanne and Nick with all their belongings. Ashley does not look a happy chap.

Des has gone to visit Natalie. He asks if Sam's in. When Natalie says that Sam has gone out for the day he invites himself in. He has a drink with Natalie and tells her his sob story, and ends up holding her hand. Natalie pulls away and tells him that 'that' isn't the answer, but the look on her face says that it might be 'an' answer for her.

Fiona's mum comes to visit her in hospital. Fiona is feeling depressed. Her mum says that she'll feel beter when she's at home with the baby. Fi says that she's dreading having to look after the baby on her own, and that the baby needs a dad. Look out Steve........

And that's it folks - not a classic episode by any standard, but I still say it's better than any other soap on telly. No matter how hard Brian Park tries to destroy Corry I think true class will always come through in the end - and Coronation Street is true class.

Until next week I'll say.....

Bye for now

Ian Harding


Friday 20 February

Well, everyone, this is the end of my updates. I can hardly believe it myself. This is my last time as a regular updater. Thank you all for putting up with my witterings. Whether you read these because you missed the programme, or as a spoiler for something you have yet to see, I hope the updates do justice to the real thing. I have enjoyed hearing from people around the world who receive these, and I hope to meet some of you either in London in May, or Blackpool in October. I am leaving my present job in a couple of months and will lose the perk of free web and news access during my lunch-hour. With the upheaval of moving house and settling in a new part of the country, I predict it will be quite a long time before I can buy a home PC and set up an ISP account. (He WMBO might have something to say about the phone bills too!) I will be with you in spirit, though, and every time I watch The Street I will wonder what those on ratucs or the chatrooms will say about the latest storyline or character.

Love and cyber hugs to you all, bye bye, from Helen.

Friday, 20th February 1998

Street: Leanne, dressed only in a T shirt as far as I can see, picks up the milk from Ashley's doorstep. She calls a greeting to Toyah and disappears back inside. Fred was driving round the corner and saw her. He shudders to a halt, mouth agape. 'Hey, Toyota!' he bellows. Toyah corrects him, and confirms that Leanne is living at Ashley's now. The conversation is curtailed as Emily answers her door to Toyah, who rushes in brandishing the Weatherfield Gazette.

Emily's House: Spider is pleased to see confirmation in the paper that the Dome (sorry, wishful thinking, that should read Concert Bowl) is to be scrapped. Toyah suggests having a party to celebrate. Spider says it could be a farewell drink. He intends to go and join Hawkeye at another protest in Kent. Emily looks upset, and Toyah rushes out in tears, though Spider doesn't know why.

Ashley's House: Nick is put off his breakfast by the sight and smell of Shannon's nappy being changed by Ashley. I was put off my dinner when Leanne announced she had used Ashley's electric toothbrush. Ashley wasn't best pleased either! but he did at least assert himself and prevent Zoe and Leanne from smoking in the house - for Shannon's sake.

Natalie's House: Sam thinks that Natalie isn't telling her the whole story about Des's visit the previous night. Natalie just tells her to make up her mind if she wants Des back.

Shop: Fred and Maud wonder what Leanne was doing at Ashley's. Fred manages to convince himself that something is going on between Leanne and Ashley. Fred elicits Emily's opinion. She says that youngsters now have no respect for others. Maud blames it all on eating meals in front of the TV instead of talking.

Hospital: Maxine visits Fiona and eats her grapes. Fiona has decided to call her son Morgan Middleton. Max barely conceals a grimace. Fiona mentions Alan in passing, and Max dives in with questions about whether Alan should be told of the arrival of his son. Fiona implies that he wouldn't be interested.

Street: Natalie and Sam, walking cosily arm in arm see Des going into his house. Nat urges Sam to go and make it up with him. Sam decides not to. Janice delights in telling Gail and Martin the news that Nick and Leanne have moved in to Ashley's. Gail's first reaction is that it won't be good for Nick, but Martin feels he may be better sharing a house with young people. Gail worries about Zoe, then Martin has the brainwave that if Leanne behaves badly - under Zoe's influence - then Nick may not see her in such a good light. Perhaps Ashley and Nick will get so fed up they will kick the pair of them out. Outside the Rovers, a car pulls up, and out gets Richie.

Break

Rovers: Steve is on his way to the hospital, with an enormous teddy bear. He informs his father with a sneer that Fiona is just fine. Richie asks for Sam, and Betty and Natalie both say she isn't there. Sam appears from the kitchen and Richie asks her to talk to him. Sam takes Richie into the back room. Des walks in to the bar, and Natalie takes him aside to have a word. In the back, Sam has a go at Richie for playing the answerphone message to Des. Richie is unrepentant: 'Des had a right to know' and asks Sam to go back to London with him and give their marriage another chance. Sam tries to make it clear that Des is the one she loves. In the bar, Natalie tells Des that Sam loves him and that he should consider talking to her. One gets the impression that Des would rather talk about what happened at Natalie's the previous night.

Hospital: Fiona seems very pleased to see Steve and his giant bear. She decides to call the bear Spike, though Steve at first thinks this is the baby's name. Fiona laughs that the baby is called Morgan. Steve looks dubious, and says he will get used to it. Fiona thanks Steve for his help on the night of the birth.

Rovers: Betty congratulates Roy and Hayley over the archaeological find, and says it is good to see them getting on so well together. Roy says the secret is to know each other well ... and Hayley interrupts with 'Whilst retaining the capacity to surprise.' (The first hint that there is a little more to Hayley that meets the eye!) Des notices Sam getting a whisky and decides something is going on. He charges through to the back and Martin goes after him. In the back, Richie and Des get into an argument. Sam tries in vain to convince Des that it isn't how it seems, and she didn't encourage Richie to come to Weatherfield. Des says that Richie is welcome to Sam, as he is finished with her.

Shop: Fred decides that he must take Ashley into the back for a heart to heart. Ashley says innocently that the only thing on his mind is the increasing price of toilet rolls. Fred awkwardly relates that in his own youth he was pursued by many young ladies, who compared him to a young Elvis Presley. Eventually he asks Ashley about his 'menagerie a trois' to which Ashley replies they have no animals, though he might get a hamster when Shannon is older. Fred asks about Leanne, and is shocked to hear it was Zoe's idea. Eventually they establish, to Fred's partial relief, that Nick is there as well.

Rovers: Sam is furious with Richie. He begs her to start again with him. Sam says she never wants to be with him - whether or not she gets back with Des. Richie calls her a two faced cow and storms out.

Hospital: Steve messes about putting the teddy in the bed, saying she can escape, like in the films. Fiona (bottle) feeds Morgan. Steve leaves, promising to return the next day, just as Pam arrives, and makes her disapproval clear. Fiona tells her mum not to worry about Steve. Pam warns her not to trust her feelings at such a time. 'We didn't have hormones in my day - we had Baby Blues', though Fiona insists that Steve is not taking advantage. Pam moves on to the subject of names. She thought Alexander? - Fiona turns her nose up - or William? Fiona still doesn't look impressed. Morgan? she offers. Now it's Pam's turn to look dubious.

Emily's House: Toyah finds a sympathetic ear in Emily as she cries because Spider is leaving. Emily says he has also brightened up her own life. Then Spider breezes in and announces that the archaeology professor has offered him a job, helping on the dig. So can he stay longer? Emily's and Toyah's faces beam their approval.

Ashley's House: Leanne and Toyah hoot with laughter as Ashley relates Fred's misunderstanding that he was living with both girls. The girls fall upon Ashley in mock attack, as Fred walks in. The purpose of the visit is to deliver a rent book to Leanne, and the news that he expects £60 per week from Leanne. Though Ashley gets a slight reduction now he has to share. Zoe looks sour as she thinks of 'her' money going to Fred. They all stare at Fred as if he has gone mad when he launches into a spirited rendition of 'Blue Suede Shoes' on his way out.

Des's House: Martin and Des have a beer, and Des confirms that he meant it when he said that Richie could have Sam. Guess who then walks in through the open front door. Martin beats a hasty retreat. Sam pleads with Des to take her back, as she loves him. Des coldly rejects her and tells her to get out. He wearily turns and walks upstairs as the doors slam. Credits.

Episode written by David Lane.

That's all, and it's goodbye from me.

Helen


Sunday 22 February

Hello All, I am getting annoyed with work now! They are taking my precious Corrie watching time away from me now! I walked in the door at 19:29 after having a six hour drive down from Aberdeen (totally tired if you know what I mean) I switch the power of the video on and hit the record button. Bad mistake, the video conked out! I mean, it just wouldn't record. So, I grabbed a pen and paper (front door still open) and started writing. So, here are the stories of the day:

Fiona is scared about her future with the baby. "How can I cope with a business & a baby?". Steve brings flowers and generally offers moral support. "you can rely on me" he says. (Yeah right, sure you can). Fiona then sets the record straight, she insists that there isn't and never will be anything between her & Steve.

Sam packs getting ready to go to London because Des refuses to listen. Nastily tries to talk her out of leaving. Sam resigns and says goodbye to Jack &Vera. Nastily has to explain to Vera, she is not amused. Des is in the Rovers drowning his sorrows, Nastily calls him a cab to take him the station to catch Sam. He misses the train so he comes back to the Rovers. To his surprise, they meet outside the Rovers

Curly is asked to give a speech on environmental responsibilities.

Nicky & Leanne are babysitting Shannon. Leanne leaves Nicky to change a dirty nappy. Gail arrives in time to change the nappy, she apologises and tells him that she wants to be a family again. She asks NICKY to lunch, but not Leanne. When Nicky tells Leanne about his plans to go his Mummys, Leanne is not a happy lady.

Hayley is late for lunch with Roy so they miss there table booking. Romantic Roy offers scrambled egg while they discuss bus routes. They come to the conclusion that they have a lot in common. Hayley admits to to taking woodwork and technical drawing instead of domestic science. Fred interrupts asking for a Ham & "Mutard" Sandwich

Sorry about making my last update such a poor one, but blame my video machine!

Thanks!

HAMBO


Sunday 22 February

As HAMBO had video problems, and as I thought that the Roy/Hayley scenes should be recorded for posterity, I've taken a long lunchbreak to bring you my ad hoc update.

No messing about, straight into the plot.

It's Sunday, and visiting time in the Maternity Ward at Weatherfield General.

Maxine arrives with a teddy bear, and finds Fiona felling a bit down. She's sore from the breastfeeding, feeling bloated and tender, and gets a bit emotional. "Max, what have I done?" She's scared of motherhood. She's also concerned about her mother's attitude toward Steve - she thinks he's 'back on the scene' but to Fiona, he was only helping her out.

Gail is singing and plumping cushions. Martin wonders if she's had Prozac on her cereal this morning. (No, it's the Coronation Street Personality Transplant Fairy). She explains that she's sorted something out that's been troubling her. She wants Nick back, and is going to put her stubbornness behind her. She's going to go over and ask him to move back. "What about Leanne?" asks Martin. "Leanne? I shouldn't think she'll be interested".

Sam is packing her bags prior to going to London. Considering she never wears anything other than those leather trousers (and we don't see quite enough of those....) she can't have much to pack. Natalie is still trying to dissuade her, but Sam's mind is made up. She has tried to make it up with Des, but he didn't want to know. She asks Natalie to break the news of her sudden departure to Jack & Vera, Natalie doesn't think they'll take it very well.

Eric Firman calls Norman to his office. At first it seems he is to be carpeted for linking Firman's Freezers with the Red Rec events.(Remember when he took the out of date 'Tofu Tikka Masala', an Alma recommends that wouldn't sell, in Firman's carrier bas to the treetop protest?) Apparently that action has given Firman's a caring sharing clean and green image, and Eric has had a call from a reporter on Freezer Monthly. The reporter had seen an agenda for the WARTS Conference, and wanted to find out about Curly's speech. "I'm not making a speech" says Curly, "yes you are, 15 minutes on 'The Relationship between Business and The Environment'. It's this Wednesday, so you'd best get writing." With that Eric leaves his office, glad to have unburdened himself of responsibility.

At the House of Elliott, Zoe and Ashley have gone shopping, and Leanne announces to Nick that she's going to join them at a warehouse fashion sale, if she runs she'll get the bus. She assures him that he can look after Shannon on his own. Nick reluctantly agrees, and reaches down to comfort the baby. Unfortunately his olfactory organs are in full working order and he soon shouts upstairs to Leanne - "Leanne!! Shannon's dumped one" But no, Leanne isn't going to help him. She flounces out telling him that it's time he learned how to change a nappy.

There's a sound at the door, and Nick assumes it's Leanne, come back to help him. But no, even better, it's Gail, who seems to have let herself in because she saw Leanne go. She teases him that she can see he's busy, so she'll come back later. "Mum..... please.... help", Gail giggles and he hands her the smelly baby.

In the Firman's stockroom Curly catches Eric and apologises for the fact that he's got a hospital appointment on Wednesday, and though he'd very much like to give that speech, it's not possible for him to attend. Eric suggests that perhaps he might find himself out of a job, and Curly responds that he might just be able to get another appointment.

Gail is teaching Nick how to change a smelly baby, and comments on the wonders of the self adhesive straps "it was all pins in my day". She tells him that she's missed him, and wants him back. She wants to be a family again. She asks him round for his dinner tomorrow night, which he readily agrees to. "And Leanne?" "Of course............. eventually. Don't rush me"

Gail leaves, and Nick starts talking to Shannon, who is on the floor. He gets too close to her and the nose detects....... "Oh Sh...... annon" he says, looking round at the door for help.

In the Rovers Gail is recounting this to Martin. He hopes she doesn't have a hidden agenda.

Steve declines Martin's offer of a pint as he's going to see Fiona, as she's a bit down. "Are you hoping to get back in there?" says Martin, "No, I'm just going to give her a bit of moral support".

Roy comes in, wearing his best suit, with a maroon V-neck acrylic sweater and pocket handkerchief. Quick! Get the Style Police. Vera thinks he looks very nice. He tells her that he's taking Hayley out to lunch, which prompts Vera to order "two more hotpots, Betty love", and Roy has to explain that he wasn't planning to eat there, they're going to 'La Bologna'. Vera knows La Bologna is a classy place, and asks if it is to celebrate anything special that's happened, lowering her eyes to Roy's trouser department. Roy is offended by this implication - "Certainly not" he replies.

Nastily comes in and orders a VAT for herself and a triple brandy for Vera - "you'll need it. Sam's not coming in". Vera thinks that a triple brandy is over the top to cover for a headache, and asks "Why? What's she done?". "A runner. To London". Vera considers that running away isn't the answer to problems - "Where would we be if we all ran off to London every time a feller give you t'elbow? "London?" says Nastily. Vera goes on to tell her that she hopes Sam doesn't come crawling back asking for her job back "'because she won't get it!"

At the hospital Steve assures Fiona that she's not 'fat and frumpy' (her words), but maternal and beautiful. Fiona explains that her parents are on the way, so Steve makes to go. She asks him to stay, because she's having her emotional bit again, she's scared at the prospect of running both business and baby. "What if I can't do it, Steve?". "If anyone can do it, you can. An' it's not just you - any problems I'm there - you can rely on me, you know you can." Through the tears, Fiona allows a brief smile.

END OF PART ONE

Roy has let himself into the cafe, the venue for their rendezvous. He thinks his watch has stopped, after much shaking he taps it on the table. It falls apart. Just then there's a frantic knocking at the door, and a flustered Hayley enters.

This scene was so touching I'll quote it line by line. Imagine them, Roy in his best Sunday suit, Hayley wearing the now legendary red anorak, talking at one of the cafe's tables.

Hayley: I'm so sorry I'm late.
Roy: Don't worry, are you?
Hayley: Oh, yes, I was worried you'd think I wasn't coming.
Roy: Ah. Yes. Ah. Me watch stopped, er I was just attempting an emergency temporary repair when you knocked.
Hayley: Oh...
Roy: So what time is it then?
Hayley: Half past.
Roy: One?
Hayley: Yes.
Roy: Oh dear.
Hayley: Why?
Roy: I've booked a table for One...... For Two. Two for One. Two of us for One O'Clock.
Hayley: Oh (getting upset)
Roy:
I expect they'll think we're not coming.

Hayley sits down, conscious that her lateness has spoiled the day.

Roy: Never mind, perhaps I can just rustle something up swiftly here, as long as you're not too fussed. Have you got any particular culinary favourites, anything you're a little averse to?
Hayley: (almost in tears) Oh Roy, I'm really sorry. I thought that...
Roy: Scrambled Egg!
Hayley: I was sure you'd go off me
Roy: No, no
Hayley: I thought you wouldn't want to wait for me. I thought.... I thought it'd be over
Roy: I, I, I'd have waited
Hayley: Would you?
Roy: Well I felt like I have been waiting, ....., for this.
Hayley: Oh, Roy!....
Roy: Scrambled Egg then!

Back in Maternity, Fiona is sleeping. Steve introduces himself to Morgan, as "your Mum's mate" Steve tells him that he's got to decide soon whether he's a Red or a Blue. He promises that he'll take him to all the matches then he can decide for himself "but you need a Pop for that sort of thing". Fiona wakes, and Steve has to explain that he's not trying to be father figure to the boy. Fiona puts him straight - she's grateful for all his help, but there's nothing between them.

Roy is serving up the teas to go with the scrambled eggs on toast.

Roy: I never thought - tramline maintenance, Sunday of course. I could have given you an alternative route to get you here in time.
Hayley: (smiling) I knew about the maintenance, but my fall-back plan went haywire.
Roy: 23A, change at Scuttle Street for the 107.
Hayley: Mmm. I could o'done, but don't forget it goes via the Hospital, and on Sundays visiting hours are earlier so it stops longer to let people off and on.
Roy: You're right
Hayley: (getting animated) No, I was going to take a 73 to Market Square, then a 427 to Canal Street, which would have dropped me off at the other side of Rosamund Street and I could have legged it from there.
Roy: Of course!
Hayley: But, the 427 broke down. Which is really odd because they use those Czech engines with the modified cam. You know, the ones that the Russian Army developed in Afghanistan. They usually take you for miles.

Roy is obviously entranced, hasn't said a word.

Hayley: Are you all right?
Roy: Wha'? Yes, yes, I was just thinking, it's ages since I had an intelligent conversation with anybody. Being in here all day, all I get is trivia.
Hayley: Me an' all.
Roy: Meeting someone on the same wavelength is so, so..
Hayley: Interesting?
Roy: Yes! you're so alike, you and me, we've just got so much in common.
Hayley: (looking at her scrambled eggs) Well, I certainly can't cook as well as you can. I'm hopeless in t'kitchen.
Roy: Are you? Did you not do Domestic Science at school?
Hayley: No.
Roy: Well what did you do then?
Hayley: Woodwork, and Technical Drawing.
Roy: Really? Oh, I do applaud that. Don't you think that too many people are shackled to the role society forces on them?

Hayley seems lost for an answer, but Roy goes on:

Roy: Hayley, There's something about you, I don't know what it is, and I'm not very good at this sort of thing but, would you consider....

Roy's question is thwarted by the sudden arrival of Fred, I say Fred, who applauds Roy for opening on a Sunday. He wants a ham bap "just to set me on while me roast is developing its succulence".

Roy puts Fred right, the cafe is not open he's just entertaining a friend. " Oh. And could you not rustle up an 'am bap?" "No" "With a bit of Moutarde" "Fraid not" "To take away?" "No" "Oh. And there's me thinking you'd caught on at last. A successful businessman takes every opportunity to expand" He leaves.

Returning to Hayley,

Roy: Sorry about that. What was I saying?
Hayley: (Worrying and wondering what he might have been about to say) I'm not sure.

In The Rovers, Natalie sits down with Des. She wants to patch up Des & Sam's relationship, which isn't easy when he's sat there and she's gone for the 2:30 to London. She encourages him to get off to the station to bring her back. He goes back to his beer.

Curly approaches Fred about the upcoming WARTS meeting. He asks that the speech is dropped from the agenda. "Certainly not" replies Fred, "It's the high spot of the afternoon, that, we're all looking forward to it. And we all want to know how to be environmentally responsive, as long as it doesn't cost nowt." Fred sympathises with Curly for being dropped in it, as Eric has known about it for a month. But he still won't cancel the item, especially with the Press interest.

Steve & Maxine are drinking in a booth. She's telling him to back off, not to pressure Fiona into getting back together. Steve is annoyed because that isn't the case, but local gossip believes it is.

Nastily sits with Des again. She has a cunning plan. There's a taxi waiting to take him to the station. He realises that he has to do it, so hurries out. Fred asks "Where's he off to in such a hurry?", and Nastily, with a twinkle in her eye replies "Train-spotting".

Leanne shows off her new fashion top, and deflects Nick's question on how much it cost "that's for me to know, I'm the wage earner". Nick asks if she's stolen it, which she denies. Ashley suggests she can wear it to her Mother-in-law's, then realises his faux pas and buries his head in the paper. Leanne is annoyed that the invite is just for Nick, and she's excluded until 'eventually'. She storms off in a huff.

Hayley is washing up, Roy is drying.

Hayley: I've got to hand it to you, Roy, you really know how to put people at their ease. That's a skill I very much admire. I wish I had it.
Roy: Well.
Hayley: (interrupting) At Firman's I often feel I'm the odd one out, you can get lonely sometimes, but with you, I don't know, I just feel really at home.
Roy: (serious question mode) Hayley?
Hayley: Yes Roy?
Roy: Er. Hayley, I'd like to ask you something.
Hayley: Yes?
Roy: Wwwwould you consider......

But we never learn what it is because another misguided customer, Norman 'Curly' Watts enters and demands egg, bacon, beans, fried bread, a cup of tea, "and when you bring it over, sit down and tell me everything you know about ecology."

In the Street, Des is paying off the taxi. He's been to the station, but must have missed her. There were two London Trains, one to Euston, one to Paddington. (You could check these train times at http://railtrack.co.uk/travel/ if you were really sad!) As he's explaining to Nastily that he must have missed her, another taxi pulls away, leaving Sam on the kerb. Nastily makes a discreet exit, leaving Des & Sam to make it up with a lingering kiss.

Cue closing credits

Episode written by Peter Mills - and wonderful Roy and Hayley stuff.

Dewey


Monday 23 February

Greetings one and all.

This week sees the start of a new regime here in the dark and mystical world of update writing. Gone is HAMBO, gone is Helen. We have a new recruit in the form of CP Turner, and Dewey and myself have changed days. I haven't a clue what's going to happen on Sundays now, maybe we'll have to take turns at it until someone steps forward to fill that slot. But now I'm doing Mondays, CP is on Wednesdays and Dewey is bringing up the rear, so to speak, with Fridays.

The high standard we've been seeing recently in Corry seems to be history now. I can't believe the rubbish we're being subjected to at the moment. I must admit that I found it extremely hard summoning up the enthusiasm to write this update. I can find nothing in the show to move me. Still, I've said I'd do it, so I can't go back on my word, so here it is. I really hope they start to get it right again soon. I don't know how much longer I can stand to watch this purile rubbish that Corry has become over the last few weeks.

Ah, before I go any further, I'd better apologise for not continuing the story about my exploits at Manchester airport. I've had a slight mishap - I can't remember what I called the file, but as soon as I find it I'll add it to the front of an update, or maybe I'll just have to write it again.

Anyway, on with the comings and goings on Coronation Street on Monday 23rd February 1998...........

Nick is waiting to use the bathroom before he sets off for college, but Leanne seems to have taken up residence in there. Nick is rather annoyed and eventually has to run for his bus without saying bye to Leanne.

Round at Des's place Sam is wandering about wearing only a shirt. She tells Des that she wishes he didn't have to go to work. Des says that he has to go to work, but that he'll be back tonight. They go on saying sweet nothings to each other for a few minutes and then Des sets off for work. It looks as if their relationship is back on course again now that the threat of marriage has disappeared.

Emily bumps into Curly as she's on her way to the shops. Curly tells her that he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It seems that his boss has asked him to give a speech about conservation and how it affects shopkeepers to a meeting of WARTs (Weatherfield Association for Retail Traders). The speech has to be ready for Wednesday and Curly is panicking a bit. Emily suggests that he talks to Geoffrey, it seems that Geoffrey did go to university.....for a while.

Maxine goes into the corner shop and asks Ashley for some disposable nappies. Ashley asks what sort she wants. Are they for a girl or a boy or a newborn baby or a toddler. There are a million and one different sorts and sizes and he doesn't want to sell her the wrong ones. Max tells him that they're for Morgan, Fiona is bringing him home today. Ashley tells her that none of the ones that he sells will do because Morgan was premature - all the ones he sells will be too big. He tells her that she'll have to go into town to get some proper ones. As he's telling her this Steve comes into the shop and overhears what Ashley says. Steve turns round and leaves the shop. He's obviously going to buy something for Morgan in an attempt to get into Fiona's good books.

Samantha goes into the Rovers. She asks Vera if she can have her job back. Vera tries to pretend that they don't really need her, and takes her back on a 'trial' basis. Sam is VERY grateful, it seems that she'll do anything to keep her job. I wonder if the script writers ever actually watch Coronation Street. If they did perhaps we'd see less of these ridiculous total personality changes.

Curly comes into the Rovers and buys Geoffrey a drink. He then tries to talk Geoffrey into helping him write his speech. At first it looks as if Geoffrey doesn't want to help but eventually he says he'll write it for him.

In the cafe Roy is asking Gail for her advice on what sort of perfume to buy for a woman. He wants to know what sort of perfume most women like. Then he asks her if most women like chocolates. Gail asks him if he's thinking of wooing 'most' women. He tells her that he's thinking of wooing just the one actually, but that he doesn't have much experience in the wooing stakes. Gail tells him that its the little things that mean the most, things like a bunch of flowers or a walk in the park. Roy says that a shared interest is important, things like Shakespeares sonnets or pottery cottages. Just then Martin comes in and asks Gail if she's going a bit over the top with the meal she's going to make for Nick tonight. She says that she wants it to be special but Martin says that Nick will be expecting egg and chips. Gail says that what she wants is a special meal with Nick without Leanne being there to spoil things.

Fiona arrives home with her new baby. Her mum has driven her home. As they are unloading all Fiona's stuff from the car Steve turns up and insists on helping. Fiona's mum doesn't want his help but Fiona says that he can help. When they are all in Fiona's flat Maxine comes in. Max asks Fiona why she's so late getting home, she expected her home earlier. In a prime example of the increasingly poor quality of Corry Fiona fluffs her lines and they LEFT IT IN!!! She says "The baby's temperature dropped and they wouldn't let us out of the hospital until it had gone back down again". Come on Brian! Surely it wouldn't have been too difficult to re-shoot this scene. Anyway, enough of my ranting. Steve gives Fiona a bag full of presents. There's a baby listener and some clothes for tiny babies. Fiona says how thoughtful Steve is but her mum can see that Steve is just trying to worm his way into Fi's good books.

Gail is setting the table at home for the meal she's prepared for Nick. There's a knock at the door and the kids rush to answer it. Gail expects it to be Nick but is more than disappointed to see that its Leanne. Leanne says that Nick said he'd meet her there. Gail is not a happy bunny.

------------------------------------------------
Then it's the adverts

Remember last week when I said I'd advertise web sites here? Well so far I've only had one reply to my request for sites to advertise. Here it is.........

Frank G. Sample has asked me to point you all in the direction of the "ITV Studios Tour '97" Photo Site, which forms a part of Graham Allsopp's Corrie web site. I've just taken a look there and I must warn you that it takes a while to load all the graphics, but it's well worth the wait. So go to.......

http://www.shef.ac.uk/~gg1jga/street/ratucs/contress/gst/CONTRESS.HTM

......and enjoy your visit. You'll be glad you did.

And now it's back to Coronation Street......
----------------------------------------------

Fiona goes into the bedroom to feed her baby. While she's doing that her mum has a word with Steve. She tells him to sling his hook. Steve tells her that he intends to be there for Fiona.

Round at Gails Nick eventually arrives. He goes along with Leannes lie about meeting her there. They sit down for their meal and Nick pours some wine. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife as Leanne proposes a toast...... to 'happy families'.

Steve is still at Fiona's and Fiona is still in the bedroom feeding her baby. Fi shouts for her mum to come to the bedroom. Steve listens to their conversation on the baby listener. Fiona's mum asks why Fiona doesn't tell Steve to leave. Fiona says that he'll get bored soon and that he'll be off chasing women in no time. Steve looks a little bit offended at this and leaves.

Ashley and Zoe are sitting talking about how things are going with Nick and Leanne. Ashley seems to think that Zoe fancies Nick and starts to talk about maybe growing his hair and doing something about his physique. Zoe tells him not to be so daft.

One of Gail's kids (sorry but I can't remember her name) asks Leanne if she's going to have a baby. Leanne says that they don't want to get tied down with kids, they want to see the world first. She says she likes the idea of going to Canada. Gail says that they'll have to start saving as a holiday in Canada will be expensive, but Leanne says that they are thinking about going to live there, not just to have a holiday. Nick tells his mum that it's nothing definite, it was just one of those conversations you have when you imagine winning the lottery. "Or when you've got a rich Uncle Steven" says Leanne with a smug look on her face. Gail looks horrified.

Curly calls into the Rovers again, looking for Geoffrey. Geoffrey is still sat in the same place he was at lunchtime. He seems to be slightly drunk. Curly asks him if he's done the speech yet. Geoffrey says it can't be rushed and asks if Curly wants it fast or good.

Nick thanks Gail for going to the trouble of making a special meal, then he and Leanne go home. As they're leaving Leanne says that Gail and Martin will have to come round for a meal with them sometime.

Fiona is telling her mum that she feels better for being at home, then she goes on to say that she doesn't want to be a single mum. She wants the baby to have a dad, and she wants someone there to share the special moments, the first word, the first time he walks etc.

In the pub Steve is talking to Des. Des is saying how he's settled down with Sam now. Steve says he'd like the same thing with Fiona but that Fiona wouldn't want the same with him. He says that she sees him as boyfriend material but not husband and father material. He says that Fiona thinks he's unreliable. Des says that if Steve loves Fiona and her baby there should be no problem. Steve says the biggest problem is that Fiona is probably right, that he is unreliable. Des says that if that's true Fiona will be better without him. Steve says that the worst thing is that Fiona knows that.

And that's it. I'm sorry if this update seems to lack sparkle, but I'm finding it very hard to be enthusiastic about Corry when its as poor as it is right now. The standard seemed to be improving recently, but now its taken a nose-dive. If things don't improve soon I'll be stopping watching it altogether. I wish they'd cut it back to just twice a week and aim for quality rather than quantity.

Lets hope it's better next week. Until then I'll say....

Bye for now - Ian Harding


Wednesday 25 February

Curly opens the proceedings by whingeing away to Martin in the Rovers about the speech - the 'poisoned chalice' - he has to make to the members of W.A.R.T.S. He is beginning to regret having delegated the writing of the speech to Spider, who is bound to inveigh against the despoiling of the Third World by profit-hungry retail traders with their incessant demands for paper, plastic packaging etc. Martin agrees, and calls Spider an 'anarchist' for good measure.

Cut to Fiona and her Sexually Transmitted Disease, which she has named Morgan. She is telling him to 'go bye-byes' and then wonders out loud why she is talking in baby-language. Fiona is tired and in need of disposable nappies, which she thinks she will get Steve to buy. Pam objects and says that she will get them herself while Fiona has a much-needed rest.

Chez Auntie Em, Spider, wreathed in cigarette smoke, is putting the finishing touches to Curly's speech. Curly duly arrives and takes possession of the speech but refuses to pay Spider a penny in return. When Curly has gone, Emily upbraids Spider for having the gall to ask a friend for payment. Spider says that when he reads the speech, Curly may no longer be a friend. "Sometimes, friendship comes second," Spider says - a lightly-veiled reference to the obviously controversial contents of the speech.

At the cafe, Roy tells Gail that he is taking her advice and that from now on he will follow his feelings in whichever direction they take him. Gail applauds this. "Why not?" she says. "After all, you're a mature man; it's not as if you're a silly seventeen year-old, lusting after some scheming little trollop." This means Tily, of course, and at this point she goes into anti-Leanne mode.

Leanne, meanwhile, is wondering out loud whether Gail might actually be warming to the idea of her marriage to Tilly. This leads into a poignant admission from Leanne that her own birth-mother left when she (Leanne) was only three, and that the only recollections she has of her are the sounds of screaming and shouting and the smashing of crockery. Embittered by the experience, Leanne declares that she doesn't care if she never sees her mother again. Tilly tries to comfort her by saying, "Don't worry - you've got me now", but that seems to be rubbing salt in the wound from where I'm sitting.

Meanwhile, Pam has been out to buy armfuls of disposable nappies for Morgan, thus pre-empting Steve. "You won't be seeing much of that young man again," says Pam, which means that she has been having words with Steve and warning him off. Fiona berates her for interfering, but Pam considers that she has every right to. Why? "Because I'm your mother and you're not thinking straight." Pam carries on slagging off the McDonalds, but Fiona rises to Steve's defence. Finally, she declares that "It's my life", whereupon Pam responds with a terse: "Yes, and you're making a right pig's ear of it!"

Just as he is about to go into the WARTS meeting, Curly reads through the speech and is shocked to see how inflammatory it really is. He feigns an attack of the vapours and tries to wriggle out of it, but Eric Firman will hear none of it. Fred Elliot, who is in the chair, tells Curly that with a bit of luck, his (i.e. Curly's) name will become a 'byword' in retail trading. This, of course, is exactly what Curly is afraid of. As they enter the inner sanctum of WARTS, Emily and Spider arrive - the latter full of devilish joy at the prospect of watching Curly shoot himself in the foot.

Across town, meanwhile, Fiona is phoning Steve....

The preliminary part of the WARTS meeting over, Fred Elliot announces what is to be the 'cherry on the cake', an appearance by 'that rising young retailer, Mr Curly Watts'. Fred cautions the assembled WARTSers that Curly is not one to put all his wares on display at once, and that they should not be deceived by appearances. Curly slowly rises to make his speech...

Predictably, the speech turns out to be a no-holds-barred assault on the evils of retail trading and the actions of those 'rapists of the environment', the small shopkeepers. Fred and Eric can hardly believe their ears. "Blasphemy", bellows Fred, but Curly is not finished yet. Lobbing a few more insults at his fellow retailers and castigating them no end for despoiling our small planet, he then executes a complete volte-face and turns the speech on its head. "Everything I've just said, " says Curly, "is but an example of the outrageous propaganda with which we are faced every day." What Curly is really saying here is that it is Spider and his eco-warrior friends who are the real enemies of Joe Public, and that your average retail trader is environmentally-friendly to the nth degree. Curly's perfidy incenses our Spider, who jumps to his feet to shout "Judas! Turncoat!" and to generally lob insults at the lot of them, WARTS and all. Spider is eventually ushered out of the room, much to Emily's embarrassment, although Curly uses Spider's outburst as yet more proof of his thesis re: the eco-warrior and environmentalist brigade.

Then more of Steve and Fiona. Steve wants to know where he stands with her. Fiona says that they are just friends and that he shouldn't push her. When he has gone, Pam returns. She has been to see Alan - an admission which inflames Fiona for the umpteenth time this episode. Fiona assumes that Pam has been telling Alan how sorry Fiona is, and how she would like him back in her life, and indeed, Fiona assumes right. But she also assumes that the Plod has fallen for Pam's bait, but on this she is wrong. "Don't tell me: he's waiting outside?" says Fiona, half-sardonic, half-hopeful. "No," says Pam. "Alan never wants to see you again. Nor does he want anything to do with the baby." Fiona attempts a smile of relief, but it is tinged with just a little hint of regret methinks.

At the cafe, the budding romance between Hayley and Roy continues in its own bittersweet way, made all the more poignant by our knowledge of the eventual denouement. Theirs is only a brief scene here - he asks her to come to dinner; she accepts immediately - but it was worth waiting for. Their dialogue is written with such subtlety and skill, and their exchanges choreographed with such deftness and precision, that they seem to carry each episode on their own, and easily compensate for some of the dross that we are occasionally made to sit through. As I said, their scene here was a fleeting one, but when Hayley responds with one of her smiles, as she did tonight, she lights up the screen and smacks you straight in the heart.

The episode ends in the Rovers. Des thanks Natalie for bringing Sam back to him. "As long as you're happy," says Natalie. " I remember the feeling....." Elsewhere in the pub, Curly is being feted by Fred and Eric, both of whom concur that Curly can only go 'onwards and upwards' in the future; indeed, Eric has already signed him up for another speech. A little later, Curly boasts about his speech to Des and Martin, repeating the 'onwards and upwards' phrase and beaming like a Cheshire cat. But after hubris, nemesis: and here is Spider, all guns blazing, bringing the episode to an end by threatening to pay Curly back for his treachery. A close-up of Curly's somewhat worried face fills the screen as the familiar music swells and the credits roll.

That's all folks. See you again next week,

Regards and best wishes, CP


Friday 27 February

So. Friday's episode. A bit poor IMHO, though we did continue Roy's courting of Hayley, and learn something major about her past. The episode seemed to revolve around various couples in various stages of pairing.

We open at Fiona's flat, where Pam is preparing breakfast. Fiona is sulking because of Pam's interference by contacting Alan. More than that, Fiona accuses Pam of blaming her (Fiona) for the whole mess, and she tells her to leave, go back home, and interfere in Dad's life instead.

Sam is helping Des pack an overnight bag for the Bangor races. (Bangor can't be more than a two hour drive from Weatherfield, so it must be Bangor, Maine). Sam thinks it will be weird going to bed without Des.

Back at Fiona's, Maxine arrives, having missed her bus because she left her purse at home. Fiona tells her about the row with Pam, and how Pam had gone to see Alan. Fiona goes into tearful mode again, - her baby's father doesn't want to know, she's on her own with business and baby etc. Maxine assures her that she'll be there for them.

Eric Firman corners Curly by the bread. Curly is reviewing his speech before he gives it again, this time to the North West Traders. Eric has new ideas - he wants Curly to be 'The Voice of Firmans'. Over Eric's shoulder he sees Spider emptying the freezer of Norwegian prawns. Spider has no intention of purchasing them, he is just drawing attention to the Norwegians' policy on whaling. He reckons that by selling Norwegian prawns, Firman's are supporting the Norwegian whaling stance. Curly tells him 'we deal in produce, not politics', but Spider warns him that unless Firman's change their policy on Norwegian produce, then 'it'll be your lookout, won't it?'

In the cafe, Roy asks Gail to go early, because he wants to get set up for his evening with Hayley. Gail suggests that as he cooked for her in the cafe on their last date, perhaps a move upstairs is in order this time. Roy thinks that inviting her upstairs (when they haven't built a set yet (thanks MikeP)) is a bit presumptuous. "I'm not asking you to dine her in the bedroom, Roy" says Gail. "It's just that down here would strike the right balance, opportunity is at hand, as it were, but it's not lit up in neon". Gail is still a bit unsure, she wants Roy to progress his courting of Hayley, and she reminds him that "a woman likes to stir some passion in a man"

Nat & Sam natter in the Rover's. Sam is already feeling hemmed in' by living with Des again. She goes off to serve Fred, I say, serve Fred, and his new best friend, Curly. Fred is enthusing about Curly's performance at WARTS, and how Curly is now their secret weapon - the voice of the retailers. They have a few threatening words from Spider, Fred wonders why the liquor trade isn't on his blacklist. Curly tells Fred to ignore Spider - "He's all gas and no flint".

Fiona has the rest of the day all planned - "leave the cleaning til tomorrow, put Morgan down to sleep, go upstairs and share a bottle of wine, then Max can look after him while Fiona has a bath..." Maxine, who had promised to be 'there to help' is sorry she can't, but she's meeting James in the Rover's. Fiona apologises for assuming she would stay behind. Max wonders if Fiona and Pam will make it up because the baby will be hard work. As she leaves, Fiona turns on the tears again.

END OF PART ONE

Chris returns to the Street, and calls at Des & Sam's. He's come to collect some books he left when he lodged there - now he's got a shelf to put them on! Sam invites him in, explaining that Des is away in Bangor overnight.

In the Rover's, Max is telling Nastily that the more she sees of babies, the more they seem like hard work. Nat thinks that the reciprocal unconditional love makes it worthwhile. "I must be a freak then", says Max (To wild cheers in the Plowman household I expect). Steve arrives, and moans to Max about Pam's attitude toward him. She tells him that the plot has thickened, Pam's seen Alan, Alan doesn't want to know, and Fiona has rowed with Pam about her interference. Strange, there's no sign of James (who of course still thinks she's Fiona)

Curly visits Spider at Emily's, she hopes he's come with an apology. But no, Curly's come to complain about Spider's threats of violence. After explaining the prawns issue to Emily, who sides with Spider, Curly says that 'the only reason we sell them is because our customers buy them!' 'I doubt if they will next week', chuckles Spider.

Chris comes downstairs with his books, and Sam asks him to stay for a glass of wine because 'I don't like drinking on my own'. Oh look - it's RED wine!! Sam then suggests he puts some music on.

Steve, in the new knowledge of Alan's indifference, and Pam's absence, arrives at Fiona's bearing a bottle of wine. Pretty sure it's white, While Fiona opens the bottle, he sits down with Morgan and goes all gooey. Fiona still can't believe how her life's turned out, but as Steve points out, she's kept all he best bits, the baby, business, her independence. This seems to cheer her up.

Sam is chatting up Chris. She wants to hear about him and Sally, although her tells her that it happened and it finished. No problem, he didn't want to settle down.

Roy has done the table nicely, lights the red candle, and turns on the taped accordion music. He's looking very dapper, brown cardigan and open shirt, with a cravat! He's not the only one covering his Adam's apple tonight. Hayley arrives, in her red anorak, which soon reveals a shiny blue suit - with the obligatory white roll neck.

Chris is telling Sam about an incident in a hotel after a mate's wedding. He had found himself taking the wrong door from a bedroom and being locked out on the landing wearing nought but a smile. Armed with a strategically placed Do not disturb' sign he had enlisted the help of the night porter. Sam laughs. The wine and Chris's company is loosening her up. She mentions that she can't see her and Des lasting forever. She realises that coming back to him so as not to hurt him, and recognising that he's been really good to her, but it isn't really love.

Roy produces a 'really nice bottle of St Emilion 89' to go with the main course. Hayley explains that she never has more than one glass of wine in company, as she's too scared of making a fool of herself. But with Roy, she goes on, she feels she can trust him completely, even with her most intimate secrets. Roy is honoured by this, but Hayley seems to think it should have frightened him off. Roy says not, that's what trust is about.

Sam regrets talking about Des like that, but then she goes on. She had thought it was the idea of marriage 'freaking her out', but after the last few days it must be more than that. Chris tells her that the image that Sam projects is of being totally in love with Des. Sam wonders if she's ever really been in love with anyone.

Fiona's had her bath, while Steve watched Morgan. He's even missed to footy on the telly so as not to disturb him. He makes to go, Fiona thanks him for being really good, bringing the wine etc and kisses him. He puts his hand on her shoulder after the kiss, but it's a bad move Steve, Fiona's not happy. She asks him not to - 'we're friends now, don't spoil it, OK?'

Sam is still giggling about the hotel story, and whether he shocked the chambermaids. She also remembers seeing him modelling Angie's underwear, or at least Angie's underwear designs. Pretty soon they are kissing. Uggggh.

Roy and Hayley have finished the main course, but Hayley can't manage the dessert:

Roy: Hayley, I really feel we're getting to know each other tonight, don't you?

Hayley: I do, Roy.

(Roy reaches out and rests his hand on hers)

Roy: That means a great deal to me.

(Hayley seems to swallow, as if the inevitable is about to occur)

Roy: Er, should we take coffee, upstairs, in my flat, make ourselves comfortable?

Hayley: I'm sorry, Roy.

Roy: I've said something I shouldn't.

Hayley: No, no, it's me, I've not said something I should, and I'm afraid it's something quite big, and I don't know how you're going to take it.

Roy: Why? What? What?

Hayley: I want you to know first, that however much I've loved your company, I will understand if you don't want to see me again.

Roy: Nothing would make me not want to see you again', Hayley.

Hayley: This might.

Roy: What is it?

Hayley: (Deep breath, eyes down) Well it's something to do with my past.

Roy: Your past?

Hayley: Several years past now.

Roy: What?

Hayley: I'm a transsexual.

Roy: (Speechless)

Hayley: I mean, I'm not a female by birth, Roy, but by choice.

Beautiful.

Closing credits.

Episode written by Maureen Chadwick.

The Full Dewey


Written by Peter Dewhirst, Ian Harding, Helen Johns and Hambo


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