Friday 2 January
Happy New Year everyone, and my best wishes to you all for
1998. This episode was shown on Friday, but in that strange timewarp
that is popular drama, the action takes place the day after the
previous episode
House: Deirdre sits in tears as the phone rings beside her.
When it stops she calls Liz and asks her to go round urgently,
as 'something terrible has happened.'
House: Geoffrey admits, to Emily's amusement, to succumbing
to the temptation of chocolate occasionally, despite being vegan.
House: Liz is concerned at the state she finds Deirdre in,
since she hasn't slept all night. She manages to piece together
the events of the previous night, and the facts that Jon has a
wife - not an ex-wife - who he lives with, and there are children.
Liz hugs her friend as she breaks down in tears.
Rovers: Emily and Geoffrey/Spider arrive early to gather support
for the protest meeting. Vera throws Toyah out as she is under-age,
though relents and says she can return for the actual meeting
in an hour. Maxine bitterly tells Fiona that Ashley and Zoe are
still together across the road. Maxine denounces him as a nerd,
wondering what she ever saw in him. Curly buys a drink for Emily,
saying her letter in the local paper inspired him. He reminisces
about his childhood and the happy times he played on the Red Rec,
and says that Alf and his cronies are megalomaniacs who need stopping.
Emily confesses that it was Geoffrey/Spider who inspired her -
in fact he has given her a new lease of life. (Not to mention
a storyline to be fully involved in, and some welcome extra exposure
for a Street veteran.)
House: Deirdre explains to Liz how she made Ken lie for her,
using emotional blackmail. She admits that Ken warned her off
Jon but she was too infatuated to listen, and she did love him.
She doesn't know if he was ever a pilot at all, but because she
was lonely and vulnerable she went along with it all. Liz is stunned
by the extent of Jon's deception.
House: Gail is pleased that Nick is going to Scotland for a
while. After she has gone out shopping, Nick tells Martin that
Gail wants him to find a Scottish girl to take his mind off Leanne.
House: Liz firmly assures Deirdre that she will get over this
crisis, with the help of her friends. The doorbell rings and Deirdre
panics again, thinking it will be Jon. Sure enough, his voice
comes through the house as he lets himself in 'Deirdre darling!
Are you there?' Jon begins by assuring Deirdre that he loves her,
and can explain. He is met with a hostile reaction from both women.
Deirdre rebukes Jon for all the lying he has done to herself and
his wife. He asks Liz to leave them alone for a minute and she
goes, with Deirdre's agreement, to the kitchen. Jon pleads with
Deirdre that he loves her; he says his marriage has been effectively
over for a long time, but he has backed out of divorce because
his wife threatened to kill herself and the children. He mentioned
that he left his wife last Christmas, but she forced him back.
He implies that she is mentally very unstable.
House: Toyah tells her parents they ought to be at the protest
meeting. Janice decides that, yes, they should go, since she is
in favour of a concert bowl - they might have Shakin' Stevens
there! Toyah is suddenly not so keen on her parents' attendance.
House: Gail and Martin are also on their way to the Rovers,
leaving Audrey and Alf to babysit for them.
House: Deirdre asks Jon why he said he didn't have children.
He says that Linda would have gone mad if she knew of Deirdre's
existence. Deirdre looks very sad as he pleads with her to believe
him.
House: Alf decides he has to go to the meeting.
Rovers: Roy chairs the meeting; Mike heckles; Les is in favour
of the concert bowl. Emily, Spider, Toyah, Martin and Curly are
against. The Ripper (a extra, famed in ratucs) lurks prominently
behind Mike and Les. Alf arrives to have his say, and puts the
case for job creation. He receives a fairly unsympathetic hearing.
Spider proposes a march on the Town Hall, and a picket. Janice
goes with the flow and leads the chants of 'Out,out' against Alf.
House: Jon tells Deirdre that he really will leave his wife
now, proceed with the divorce, even sue for joint custody. He
sounds so plausible, and just as we worry that Deirdre might fall
for his smooth line, she launches her attack. Who did he spend
last Christmas with? - some other woman who fell for his lies?
He is a complete pathological liar and she never wants to see
him again. She screams at him to get out, so he does. Liz reappears
to comfort Deirdre as she breaks down.
House: Nick sets off for Scotland.
House: Toyah is determined to join the protest camping out
at the Town Hall, despite Les's opposition. In the general hubbub,
Leanne slips out, carrying a large holdall.
House: Deirdre has calmed down. Liz tries to be strong and
asks Deirdre to consider what a rat Jon really is, and says Deirdre
is well rid of him, since he could have done anything. Deirdre
pauses as the implications of the extent of Jon's lies and double
dealings start to dawn on her. There could be much worse to come.
She is scared. Credits.
Episode written by Catherine Hayes.
A great show, with Deirdre excelling herself in her crying
and grimacing. This should provide a few choice pictures for the
visual update page. Jon was so oily that you found yourself willing
Deirdre not to be fooled by him again, as you feared she was being
taken in by his line all over again. Thoroughly entertaining!
now all we need is Curly to feature a bit more prominently.....
Helen Johns
Sunday 4 January
Welcome to the first update this year. Hope you all had a good
Christmas (I know I did).
Due to popular demand we have a different system this week.
IN BRIEF
1) Battersbys find out where Leanne is
2) Toyah can't spell
3) Dreary speaks to Linda (Need I say more)
IN FULL
Dreary is in her house with Liz. Drearys tells Liz about the
time that Linda came into Sunliners booking a holiday and how
she hadn't clicked even when Linda had told her that her husbands
name was Jon Lindsay.
Les and Janice wondering what time Leanne came in last night.
Janice finds a note next to a milkbottle in the fridge. The note
says "Gone to Scotland"
Spider tells Toyah to make a banner to go outside the town
hall
Dreary tells Liz. "I am such a fool" (well we never
knew that)
Toyah tells Janice that Nick has gone to Scotland
Dreary goes to Linda's house and says "Can I talk to you?"
BREAK
Dreary tells Linda everything. Linda tells Dreary that
she is mad.
Janice see's Martin and Gail. Janice calls them stuck
up and that it is their fault
Jon tells Linda not to call the police (I wonder why)
Spider tells Curly + Emily that he is going to chain
himself to the railings of the town hall. Toyah has finished her
banner and shows everyone. There is a spelling mistake and everybody
laughs at her. She runs out and Spider follows. She gives him
a huge birthday card (It's his birthday). He says "The only
people that benefit from birthday cards is the people who make
them. She casually replies "No they didn't. I nicked it"
Dreary tells Liz about the days outing
Audrey tells Gail that it is possible to get married
when you are 16 in Scotland (Nice one!)
HAMBO
Monday 5 January
We open at (Jon &) Dreary's, morning, post breakfast,
where Liz has stayed over to comfort Dreary again. Dreary has
decide to cut her losses and recover her £5000 in cash withdrawals
from the gold card, or failing that, in goods. Then she's going
to get another flat, he can have that place, it's his problem,
he's paying the mortgage. (Forgotten those papers you signed Dreary?)
Before Liz goes off to her first day at Underworld, she wonders
how Jon ever got a gold card if 'all he's ever done is sell ties'
? (Liz, luv, these new upstart credit card companies are throwing
gold cards at anyone who can sign their name). Dreary admits she's
wondered the same, several thousand times. But it's his problem,
says Dreary. (Oh no it isn't...!)
At the cafe, Martin & Gail are discussing the whereabouts
of Nick and Leanne. Martin is trying to overcome Audreh's suggestion
that couples disappear to Scotland to get married, saying it doesn't
happen any more. Sir Royston chips in with confirmation that it
is still the case that Scottish Law permits marriage without parental
consent at 16. Thanks Roy! Gail has already tried to contact these
mysterious Fergusons, but has found they're not listed. Fortunately,
she's brought the number of Nick's school in Canada, so plans
on calling.
On the way to Underworld, Janice is moaning to Sally
that Leanne's secret departure was obviously Nick's idea, and
she gives Sally a lecture on proper parenting, and where Gail
is going wrong. After another 'interesting' smile between Sally
and Chris, Liz arrives, dressed more for a nightclub, according
to Janice. Oooh she's a sour cow today is our Janice.
Back at the cafe, Audrey has arrived, and soon learns
that Gail is on the payphone to Steven in Canada. [Local time
in Weatherfield must be no later that 10am, so Steven must be
a very early starter...] Her 'don't hang up' calls to Gail are
ignored, who cuts off just as Audreh tries to take the phone to
wish her son Happy New Year. "Use your own phone" says
Gail, starting another transatlantic call. The Fergusons tell
her that Nick hasn't arrived, he only said he *might* drop in.
Gail is more worried about the idea that Nick might not come home
Audreh confirms for Roy that Alfeh will be speaking
at the Council meeting tonight, though she warns him that 'your
lot, ..... that..Spider... had better not do anything daft."
Nick and Leanne arrive at a Bed Breakfast, and book
the attic room - view of the stars - at £28 inc breakfast
- as Mr & Mrs Tilsley. "Of course it is, darling says
the lady proprietor.
At Underworld, Janice refuses Mike's instruction to
train Liz because that would slow her down and she'd lose her
end of week bonus. Janice, in another snide aside, suggests that
Mike's only taken her on because she wears her skirt round her
neck. She tells Liz that 'she won't last, round here', to which
Liz replies that 'one of us might not'.
Zoe has taken Shannon in her pram to plead with Ashley
to look after her so she can have a break. Ashley tries to resist,
but eventually agrees to half an hour as long as it doesn't set
a precedent. He's exhausted already from disturbed nights. Rita
and Maud comment on the child's confusion - won't know who to
call a parent.
In the Rover's, Alfeh and Audreh are discussing rent-a-mob
activists. Alfeh's theory is that people like that Spider don't
like work themselves, so when they hear about something that will
create work for others they try to stop it. Spider, fortunately
is hearing all this from the adjacent booth. Alfeh's colleague
from the Council, George Urquhart arrives, so they move from the
bar to the booth next to Spider. George has discovered that a
similar project is underway in Lugano in Switzerland, and perhaps
a fact-finding tour would be appropriate. "Oooooh, a freebie
to Switzerland" squeals our Audreh, much to Spider's delight.
The factory girls come in for a drink, Liz will get
the round but needs to make a phone call first. Alma, seeing Liz
in the company of Sally and Janice, asks Janice if Liz is working
at Underworld. Janice, gets pleasure in telling her yes, and the
fact that Mike hasn't told her 'speaks volumes'.
The phone rings in the back office at Sunliners, and
Dreary is soon chatting to Liz about their respective mornings.
A customer enters the main shop while Dreary is explaining that
she can get £500 a day out of the cash machines, so it'll
take her about ten days. "I'll have to go, luv, 'cos there's
a customer waiting and Dorothy's on her dinner break".The
customer is Jon.
------------END OF PART ONE------------
Dreary thought she had made it plain that she never
wanted to see him again. He wants to know why she came to see
him yesterday. (Remember he was upstairs all the time when Dreary
came to see Linda). Dreary corrects him that she came to see Linda,
to put her straight on the deviousness of her husband. Jon says
that Linda has this strange mental affliction which causes her
to try to inflict her problem on others, and probably told Dreary
that she was the one off her trolley. Dreary doesn't answer, but
tells him that she's leaving the house, he can do what he wants
with it. "But that's just what she wants! She wants to break
up any chance of happiness! I love you Dreary etc etc" (are
you keeping up?) Dreary doesn't care and tell him that she hates
him, and feels sorry for Linda. She wants him to leave, wishes
she's never set eyes on him in his fancy dress pilot's costume.
Time for a new paragraph.
Jon goes into sympathy mode, Dreary is all he has to
live for, he does love her, she made his life worthwhile, and
his kids barely know who he is anymore. Is Dreary going to weaken?
NO! "Get lost" she demands.
We are now treated to images of handcuffs and chains.
Ey up ITV, you can't have bondage before the 9pm watershed!
Is this Nick and Leanne? No, it's Spider and Toyah practising
for their protest later at the Town Hall by chaining themselves
to the bannister of Emily's staircase. Toyah is comfortable, particularly
being chained to Spider, but needs his assurance that he's happy
doing this for the protest, and not because she said she was in
love with him. He tells her that he's got a trump card to play
that will cause red faces in the council chamber, but he won't
tell her what it is.
Toyah is glad that it's only a practice because she's
busting for a pee, but when Spider asks her for the key she denies
that he gave it to her. When she remembers that she left it on
the sideboard, of course neither of them can reach it.
Nick and Leanne are being shown to their room by Mrs
Scots Landlady, who tells them all the house rules, and that she
wouldn't have let them have the double room if they weren't married.
"We're very particular about that sort of thing here in Auchincairn"
As she leaves, Leanne bursts into laughter.
Sally bumps into Chris as she leaves Underworld, and
asks how his first day back at the garage has been. She's not
interested in his answer when she sees Nastily in the back talking
to Kevin. Natalie points out that as joint owner of the business
she's got more right than Sally to be there. Kevin tries to calm
the water, and Chris puts his oar in, but Sally is adamant that
Nastily is only there to make bother. Our Nastily quietly smirks.
Toyah and Spider, still chained together to the bannister,
are waiting for the return of Emily. She's never this late. Toyah's
busting herself. Ah, help is at hand because Roy comes to the
door to check when they are going to the meeting. The conversation
is carried on through the glass, but Roy hears little of it because
of a council workman doing a bit of overtime with one of those
diesel engined pedestrian controlled street sweeping machines.
Shouting "I'll see you there then", Roy leaves, unaware
of the crisis inside. The phone rings, but Spider can't reach
that either.
In the Rover's, Alma is questioning Mike's motives
in taking Liz on. She thinks he fancies her, but he says, confidentially,
that he's thinking of broadening Underworld's horizons to include
a tarty range, and Liz will be ideal.
Toyah is wondering if her Mother has missed her yet,
and Spider is going stir-crazy - he can see a smiling dog in the
pattern in the carpet. Just then Emily comes home, pleased to
see them but more concerned about why they missed the meeting.
She doesn't immediately see the chains, stopping to tell them
that she phoned to say she was going straight to the Town Hall.
When she releases Toyah, commenting that she hopes the chains
haven't damaged her bannister, Toyah comments that she'll be "damaging
your staircarpet if I don't get to t'bog in t'next five seconds".
Emily recounts the flavour of the meeting, particularly
that Alfeh spoke very well about the concert bowl, and came away
with more allies than enemies.
The Council, well, Alfeh and George Urquhart, have
reconvened in the Rover's, where Roy is telling them that "We've
retained the moral high ground, however much support you think
you've got." George rubbishes the idea that trees over jobs
gives moral superiority. Just then Spider arrives, to be taunted
by Alfeh. Spider starts to gesticulate with his right hand, but
hurriedly substitutes his left, which does not have a handcuff
around it.He plays his trump card telling them that he's onto
them, he knows all about Lugano.
Gail and Martin are still worrying about Nick. Martin
points out that they will have to come back because term starts
in two days.
In Auchincairn, Nick & Leanne are cuddling in bed,
chuckling about Mrs Scots Landlady's understanding of their marital
status, and wondering where to go tomorrow. Isle of Skye perhaps?
It sounds romantic. Leanne is enjoying being close to Nick, and
points out that they could be like this all the time if they were
married. Leanne would love to see his Mum's face if they came
home married - "let's do it, tomorrow", says Nick. Leanne
is soooooo happy at this suggestion.
Episode written by Sally Wainwright
Not one with belly laughs, but the Spider/Toyah in
chains and Emily bit was priceless. Spider is really impressing
me with some wonderful timing, gestures, and humour.
And will Dreary weaken yet? How long can they stretch
it out for now?
That's yer lot, we're back to normal timings now.
Dewey
Wednesday 7 January
Remember Ian had a computer problem which manifested
itself after he had written Wednesday's update? I'm beginning
to suspect he 'did a Plowman' on his motherboard. Anyway, he
hadn't posted it, and subsequently lost it in his attempts to
reinstall Turnpuke.
On the telephone on Thursday I agreed to do the update
if Ian couldn't get sorted out. When we got back from Tesco's
last night I listened to messages on the phone - there was Ian
asking me to do Wednesday after all.
Panic! Earlier I'd rewound the tape including Wednesday,
and recorded Friday. Had I recorded over Wednesday? Fortunately
not, though I have lost the opening credits and the first scene
(corresponding with screen shot #1 of CSVU)which involved Spider
and Emily, so I'll bluff my way through that from memory. As
Mikey P said, a particularly fine episode - I'll try to do justice
to it.
<Bluff>
We open at Emily's breakfast table where Spider is saddened by
the news that the Council have given the go ahead to the Millennium
Bowl.
<\Bluff>
The postman, who always knocks twice, needs a signature
for a strangely shaped parcel. Looks like a six foot length of
guttering. It's actually addressed to Spider, who is surprised
because nobody knows he's there. It turns out to be from his friend
Moley, who wants him to look after it while he's pleasuring her
Majesty. What is it? A Didgeridoo. He tries to play it (is that
right? Do you really *play* a Didgeridoo), but gets a sound more
like a chorus of Peak Flow Meters in an Asthma Clinic.
Martin answers the door, to find La Battersby brushing
past with a 'have you heard anything about your lad and our Leanne?'
She's already in the room before Martin has a chance to ask her
in. Janice insists that he's led her daughter astray, but Gail
is adamant that none of this would have happened if Leanne hadn't
thrown herself at him. Martin ushers Janice out, with an agreement
that they'll share any news. Gail goes into snob mode (where does
she get it from....?) telling Martin that you've only got to look
at 'that girl' to see she's trouble, and it's not surprising considering
the home she comes from. Martin assures Gail that Nick knows what
he's doing. If only you knew, Martin....
Up in Kirkcudbright, in the bedroom, Leanne wants Nick
to tell her he really meant it when he said they should get married.
He thinks they should, it's what he wants, and once they're married
both sets of parents can rant and rave all they want, and they
needn't pay them the slightest attention. They kiss. Aaaaahh.
Janice and Sally arrive to clock on at Underworld to
find Liz already at her machine. Janice tells her not to let Baldwin
catch her in early or he'll want them all to do the same. But
then she remembers, Liz is 'a member of his fanclub'. She taunts
her on her sewing skills, suggesting she got the job on the strength
of the underwear she shows, not what she sews. Sally asks her
to stop picking on Liz, and not to go round saying that Liz is
'one of Baldwin's girlfriends'. Sally further reminds her that
she said the same about herself when she joined. "Oh, you're
a nowty drawers aren't ye, you" says Janice.
Spider is still trying to get a sound out of the Didgeridoo.
He tells Emily that there's a knack to it. He elaborates on the
owner's situation - Moley Molloy was jailed after hitting a policeman
when they were demonstrating against a Motorway extension 'down
South'. Emily is troubled by the news that her nephew consorts
with criminals, but Spider assures her that Moley was 'fitted
up' and he wouldn't hurt a fly. Emily voices her theory that "these
people who wouldn't hurt flies don't seem to have any qualms about
hurting human beings."
He's still struggling with the Didgeridoo. Emily suggests
he's trying too hard.. She used to play the recorder at school,
and after all, that's a wind instrument too. "It's just a
knack" says Spider, "It'll come to me in a minute".
Chez Battersby, Toyah is berating Les for reading the
paper (The Sporting Life) because they cut down trees to make
paper - and Spider reckons cutting down trees is a crime. Toyah's
theory of Environmentalism is that if you cut down the rainforest
then you don't get any rain and we'd all die out. Les wonders
why, if there's no trees round Weatherfield, why does it rain
so much? And besides, if the Police were after him, he couldn't
just climb up a tree, he'd have to rely on his wits - and that
is how the Human Race advanced. Toyah tries to put Spider's point,
but Les says that "he doesn't want to hear about Spider.
That man's a scrounger living off the backs of the workers."
Toyah suggests that that is a bit rich coming from him, but his
"cheeky madam" comments are punctuated by a resonant
booming coming through the wall.
Now Les isn't one to tolerate noisy neighbours, especially
when he's trying to plan his day's betting, so he storms round
to Emily's, with Toyah following in his wake.
In Emily's parlour, the didgeridoo is resting on the
dining table, emitting the kind of sound only emitted by a didgeridoo.
The camera moves up the instrument, and we see that it's actually
Emily playing. Spider is explaining the history and culture of
the instrument, and suggesting that folklore says that those who
can play it are "in communion with the spirit of the Universe".
"It's rather satisfying", says Emily, giving it a rest.
A knock at the door came that moment. Les storms in,
saying he's a tolerant man but Spider is to stop blowing 'that
thing' "It's a didgeridoo" says Spider. "Well from
now on it's a didgerdon't" demands Les. He further questions
Emily and Spider's attitude towards neighbourliness "What
if I were just home from night-shift and trying to get my head
down?" "Are you working nights, Mr Battersby?",
asks Emily gently, to which Toyah retorts "Course he's not,
nor days neither". Spider, still full of admiration at Emily's
prowess, claims it was Emily. Les is having none of this, and
tells Spider that "you're typical of your sort, hiding behind
the skirts of a lady", and that it he wants to play that
thing again he'd better get out on the moors or he'll "stick
it where only you can find it". As he leaves, Toyah apologises
for him, telling Spider that she "thought you were brill".
In the Rover's, Alfeh and Audreh are sitting with Fred.
The Weatherfield Gazette has commented that the Millennium Bowl
meeting was a triumph for Councillor Roberts, now known as Mr
Millennium. Fred is enthusiastic, saying "it's as good as
built, with a little plaque commemorating the laying of the foundation
stone by your goodself". This reminds Audreh that "they
sometimes get the wife to do the stone laying". Alfeh tells
her "Now don't start..."
Alma rushes in to the Rover's looking for Mike, but
sees Dreary and rushes over because she needs to plan the catering
for the wedding. Dreary makes an excuse and leaves, visibility
upset, and Liz professes not to know why. Alma looks as if she
doesn't believe her.
Janice and Sally come in for their lunch, Sally sees
Chris on his own and learns that Kevin's having a sandwich at
the garage so as to avoid lunching in the same place as Chris.
Sally recognises that things must be awkward, but it's a start
because Kevin needs a mechanic and Chris needs a job.
Janice reckons that she'll belt somebody if she hears
'that family', Gail, Audreh etc, talking about her daughter leading
their Nick astray.
Audreh OTOH, tells Alfeh and Fred that Janice had the
nerve to tell RGail that "RNicky is a bad influence on her
slut of a daughter"
RNicky and the slut approach the Register Office in
Kirkcudbright, and confirm to each other that they are sure about
what they are going to do.
End of Part One
At the bar, Fred and Alec are discussing the effect
on trade of the Alf Roberts Memorial Millennium Concert Bowl.
Fred reckons it'll be good, more thirsty drinkers in need of more
of Elliot's meat pies.
Fred takes the drinks back to the table and toasts
the Millennium Concert Bowl as Alf Roberts' finest hour. From
the bar, Emily doubts that. She says that some people would prefer
to keep what trees they have. Alf maintains that it's the price
of progress. Because Emily suggests that they build it somewhere
else, Alf accuses her of being a NIMBY, which Fred, conveniently
for non UK viewers, translates as 'Not In My Back Yard', an acronym
which has gained some popularity in recent years. Spider suggests
that Alfeh might not be so keen if his house had to be knocked
down to make room for it, but Alfeh dismisses that - "if
it were in the interests of The Community".
Fred quotes Alfeh from the Weatherfield Gazette that
the project would be a thing of beauty, to which Spider insists
that nothing is more beautiful than a tree. Fred, I say Fred,
in the finest Fred line of the night, dismisses Spider as "One
o' them tree-huggers. Yer can't get through to 'em". Brilliant!
Audreh tries to dampen things by telling Spider "
You see, young man, my husband is very public spirited, as the
Queen remarked when she awarded him the OBE". Spider explains
this acronym as "Other Beggar's Efforts". Alfeh ignores
this, but insists that "It's been decided, so just accept
it"
Emily and Spider repair to the bar, taunted by Alfeh
as bad losers, but Spider decrees that "it's not over yet,
the battle's just started." Rather than have another drink
he decides to go home, do some phoning round, and round up the
troops. He's going to arrange an Emergency Meeting.
Janice tells Sally that she'd give a day's pay to know
where her Leanne is.
Her Leanne, and RNicky, are leaving the Register Office,
not as Boy and Bride. They've fallen foul of the rule which requires
them to give a fortnight's notice. Leanne doesn't mind, fourteen
days will pass soon enough, and they can continue with their honeymoon.
The Emergency Meeting is happening in Emily's parlour,
when Roy finally arrives having been unable to leave Gail when
they were busy. Emily doubts the point of it, since the Council
have made their decision, but Spider maintains that "we've
lost the battle" [FX clatter of silver tea-tray etc] "Not
the War - The fight goes on". He say's it's time to act,
but Roy and Emily cannot condone anything violent. Spider explains
that they won't be violent, but They might. If there is any violence,
they will meet it with Passive Resistance.
Spider is prepared, if they send in bulldozers, to
lie on the road in front of them. Toyah, the besotted schoolgirl,
asks "Can I lie next to yer?". Roy signals his acceptance
of this kind of resistance, which also meets Emily's approval,
although he doesn't want to be crushed.
But what of the plan? Spider reasons that Alf Roberts
thinks their objection is simply 'Not In My Back Yard', so he
wonders "what about his back yard?"
Roy, the human tornado, and his trusty shopping bag,
tear into the cafe and collect items of food and drink, cake,
teabags etc. Of course, he can't tell Gail what he's up to, it's
very hush-hush, but she is suspicious, telling him that it's January,
not the weather for a picnic. "Believe me, it will be no
picnic" says Roy, "All I can tell you is that I'm going
out now, and I may be some time" Brilliant!
As he's leaving, Alfeh and Audreh come in. "Not
leaving on our account?" asks Audreh, "Yes, errrrr,
No" says Roy. Alf tells him that "there are no hard
feelings about this Millennium issue, just remember, lad, it's
all politics." Roy leaves, telling Alf that he will remember
that through the difficult times ahead.
After he's gone, Audreh wonders what he's up to, Gail
admits that he's behaving oddly. Audreh's not surprised, because
"he's not the full shilling, definitely a couple of Cox's
short of an orchard".
Maud is surprised that Emily is after firelighters,
considering that she ought to be able to get a fire going from
a rolled up newspaper, and some orange peel. Then Zoe arrives,
complaining of boredom, but Maud soon tells her to get that baby
back indoors into the warm. Ashley sticks up for Zoe, saying that
she's doing her best as a mother, but Maud says her best isn't
good enough. He goes off to see to Zoe & Shannon.
The Weatherfield Four pile themselves and all the gear
including the didgeridoo into Emily's car. A passing Curly is
solicited for his support, but he makes a lame excuse that he
has to go back to work because they're stocktaking. He watches
their departure, joined by Les, who is dismayed to see Toyah going
off in the car. Curly tells him that they're going to a demo somewhere,
to which Les says that "That flaming Spider is a bad example
to impressionable youngsters." Mr Pot? There's a Mr Kettle
on the phone.....
Ashley comforts Zoe. She's crying because she can't
get Shannon to sleep, she's lonely, she doesn't like 'that old
bag in the shop' and that Ashley doesn't stand up for her. They
cuddle.
In the cafe, Audreh is telling Alfeh about her vision
for the year 2000. She reckons that Alfeh's new high profile image
will mean a knighthood. "Shhhhh, don't talk about this to
anybody" says Alfeh, but once Audreh's imagination is fired,
there's no stopping her. "A knighthood would of course make
me Lady Roberts, Lady Audrey.....(giggle) Come on Alf, let's go
home"
In another corner of the cafe, Kevin and Chris agree
that it's been a difficult week, hard to work together, but the
job has to be done. So Kevin offers Chris the job full time. Chris
simply says "OK, we'll see how it goes, yeh?"
Martin breezes in, and wonders where everyone is. Gail
tells him how Toyah never came in, and Roy was behaving very mysteriously,
and then disappeared too.
In the Roberts' garden, Toyah is knocking in tent pegs,
Spider is laying twigs on a stone slab for a fire, and Roy is
seeing to the catering arrangements. Unfortunately they have forgotten
the matches, which Emily points out is because none of then are
smokers. (Eh? Spider certainly is). Toyah comes to the rescue
"I've got some".
They see Alf's car coming along the street, and quickly
pick up their banner - 'The World is Our Backyard - Save Our Trees'.
Audrey is incensed at this intrusion into her garden and threatens
to call the Police if they don't clear off. A defiant Spider tells
Roy "Remember, if the Police bring dogs, go limp". "That
shouldn't be too difficult, actually" admits Roy.
Audrey then spots Emily, and is very surprised at her
involvement "I always thought that whatever else you were,
you were a respectable woman." Emily, the respectable woman,
shows just how much respect she has for Audreh by letting fly
on the didgeridoo, resting on Spider's shoulder. Spider's face
is a picture, and I can't begin to describe it.
Cue Credits.
Episode written by John Stevenson, the mark of whom
was probably recognised early on, though not by me.
So that's it then, Dewey's Emergency Update, which
has taken the best part of two hours on a Saturday lunchtime.
A beautiful day outside in The Real World. London was 15 degrees
yesterday, the highest January temperature since records began
300 years ago, and today seems even nicer. I'd better get out
in it.
Dewey
Friday 9 January
Alf's Garden: Spider and Roy, having spent the night
in the tent, are cold and tired. They are suddenly alert, though,
when Alf comes outside to ask them to go home. Spider asks for
an undertaking from Alf to raise the tree-felling in discussions
with the Council, in exchange for which they will leave. Alf is
not interested in their bargain, so Roy tells him they will remain
there. Alf taunts them about the cooked breakfast he is about
to have. Spider is unmoved, but it has some effect on Roy. Inside,
Audrey recommends Alf call the police. He refuses, saying it is
playing into the hands of the protesters. Alf is confident that
the cold weather will force them to give up before too long.
Cafe: Toyah tells Gail about the protest, but she has
heard all about it from Audrey. Gail disapproves of their tactics,
and is especially surprised that Emily is involved. When she finds
out that Roy has actually stayed there and won't be in to work,
Gail is furious.
Ashley's House: Zoe gets up to find Ashley already
downstairs with Shannon, she thanks Ashley for getting up in the
night to her. He reassures Zoe that he is happy to help. Zoe says
she is desperate for a night out - and would he baby-sit?
Alf's Garden: Emily arrives with a flask of soup and
some words of encouragement. She fails to cheer up Spider, who
is disappointed that Alf is ignoring them, and there is no publicity.
Emily tries to persuade them that they have done enough to make
the point, and after all, Roy has a cafe to run, and Geoffrey
has always had a weak chest..... Audrey can contain herself no
longer, and comes out to give the demonstrators a piece of her
mind; they have really upset Alf by doing this. Emily retorts
that the actions of Alf and his Council cronies have really upset
her and the other protesters. Audrey denounces them all as yobbos.
At that, Roy's resolve returns, and he and Spider announce that
they are definitely staying. Emily is exasperated at Audrey, as
she thought she had almost persuaded them to leave.
Sunliners: Ken calls to tell Deirdre that RTracy had
phoned, wanting to know the wedding arrangements. Deirdre has
to tell Ken that the wedding is off, but she refuses to explain
why. Ken is concerned, and offers his help, but Deirdre orders
him to leave her alone.
Cafe: Emily offers her services to help Gail in Roy's
absence. Gail is happy to accept, and admits that she agrees with
them about the trees. Before Emily begins the washing up, she
phones the news editor of the Gazette and tells him to 'hold the
front page!'
Rovers: Alec tries to be charming to Janice and Sally
- which only arouses their deep suspicion. Ken tries to get Liz
to tell him what is going on with Deirdre, but she says that Deirdre
herself must tell him.
Street: Fiona admires Zoe's baby, and Zoe takes care
to emphasize how much Ashley is helping her with Shannon - bathing,
changing and everything. Nick and Leanne get off the bus. They
are sad to be home, but can't wait to go back in a couple of weeks
- when she'll be Mrs. Tilsley!
Cafe: Gail is shocked when Nick walks in, and propels
him to a quiet table for a 'chat'. She has a go at him for sneakily
taking Leanne with him. He has a bit of a go back, then assures
her that everything will be OK now they are back.
Les's House: Les doesn't give Leanne a hard time -
but Janice does. Leanne is unimpressed by Janice's shouting. Les
goes to the pub to escape the row.
Rovers: Fiona tells Maxine what Zoe said about Ashley.
Max tries to be unconcerned. Curly tells Les how impressed he
is that the protesters have camped in Alf's garden.Les realises
that Toyah is there and asks for the address.
Sunliners: Liz tells Deirdre that Ken has been asking
questions. Deirdre dreads telling everyone as they will think
she has been a fool. Liz advises her to lie, and say that she
dumped Jon, because after all, he is not likely to come and correct
her.
Cafe: Emily is worried for Geoffrey's health in this
cold weather; she decides to take them some food. Toyah asks Gail
if she can go too - promising to work late, clear up, start early.
Gail agrees, and even makes a flask - on condition they don't
tell her mother.
Alf's Garden: The photographer and reporter cover the
story, but doubt it will get in the paper. Roy's attempts to engage
their sympathies for the cause fall on very deaf ears. The photographer,
however, perks up when Toyah arrives. Inside, Audrey phones Alf
to tell him the local press have arrived. She is obviously annoyed
that he won't call the police, so she decides to do it herself.
Les's House: Nick calls to see Leanne and they swap
notes on how much aggro their mums gave them. Leanne is worried
what their parents would do if they found out they were going
to get married. Nick says they must not find out - all they have
to do is get through the next ten days.
Alf's Garden: The photographer takes lots of shots
of Toyah, getting more and more provocative, and telling her he
could get her on page 3. Emily and Roy try to return the focus
to the protest. With a leer, the photographer asks Spider for
the handcuffs and chains ('not for the paper, for the lads in
the darkroom') but just then Les arrives, to protect his daughter,
and negotiate terms! Alf and the police get there at the same
time, just as Audrey decides she has had enough and begins to
pull down the tent. Alf can only look on in despair as the police
break up the resultant chaos. Credits.
Episode written by John Stevenson.
Ironic, really: while Alf predicted snow, and Em and
Toyah worried about their friends 'freezing to death', Britain
basked in the warmest January day since records began. Meanwhile,
in the East of Canada, we hear they have had the worst ice storms
for ages. Hope you have repaired the worst of the damage by the
time you get this, folks. The Friday update next week will be
done by Ian, and I will be back in 2 weeks.
Helen
Sunday 11 January
IN BRIEF
Alf is pleased when his councillor buddy comes round
to see him
The protesters are pleased with the results of the protest
Shannon is left in the worst possible care
IN FULL
This episode was sponsored by Cadburys creme egg.
Alf is complaining about himself being splattered all
over the local rag. He tells Audrey that he isn't going to press
charges. She isn't best pleased.
Zoe tells Ashley that Leanne will babysit for a few
bob. She wants to go clubbing
Spider is showing Toyah and Roy the local rag
Ken comes to see the Drear
Zoe goes across to No5 to see if Leanne will babysit
or a tenner. Les kindly volunteers Toyah for the responsibility
The Drear tells Ken that she and Jon had a row and
that it was better that they had found out about their incompatibilities
now rather that when they were married
Audrey finds Gail in the Rovers and sits down to have
a good moan.
Fred tells Ashley to wake up and see that he is getting
ripped off.
BREAK
Alf's councillor buddy tells Audrey that the bulldozers
will be in on the Red Rec.. sooner that expected. This is so that
the protesters will not know what has hit them.
Toyah arrives ready to babysit and declares that she
doesn't know how to change a nappy. Zoe says that it isn;t important
and walks out with Ashley.
Spider proposes that they set up camp on the Red Rec.
The baby starts playing up, Toyah picks up the phone,
dials, waits for 2 seconds then puts the phone down.
Ashley is at the club and has just rung home to find
that the phone was engaged. (convenient eh?)
Toyah runs away and goes to find Janice.
Ashley rings home again and there is no answer. When
he tells Zoe she is unconcered.
Liz is with the Drear. Drear tells Liz that she is
going to ask Sunliners for a transfer (AT LAST. COULD THIS BE
THE END OF THE DREAR FOREVER?????)
This episode written by Catherine Hayes
HAMBO
Monday 12 January
It's been a busy week chez Dewey again. SWMBO didn't
go to college on Monday, so my Quality Corrie Time got used elsewhere.
And then I started with a chesty cough, so today's the first
opportunity - because SWMBO is currently returning from Edinburgh
by train, so if I get this finished by 7:30 I'll be OK.
Thanks for bearing with me, I do like to do my update
on a Monday night, but sometimes.....
As is so often the case, we open at breakfast, where
Liz has stayed the night with Dreary. La Drear says the Jon trauma
has affected her, she has no appetite. Still, she's got plans.
She's going to investigate at a couple of flats to rent, as a
temporary measure before she can get a transfer to Sunliners in
London. She'd be nearer Tracey, and 'away from all this'. She
doesn't really think she can show her face round Weatherfield
again. Liz assures her that her friends will be on 'her side',
but Dreary can't see this.
Ashley has obviously had his breakfast because he is
putting Shannon in her pram so he can take her to work. Still
no sign of Zoe.
The Battersbys are breakfasting. Janice criticises
Les for messing up her evening "forcing RToyah out, babysitting".
Les thinks he was doing Janice a favour "by learning [1] RToyah, giving her some experience,
so she doesn't take you for granted." Janice isn't convinced,
and also refuses to give him any more beer money.
Just then, Ashley knocks at the door, with Shannon,
to apologise for Zoe leaving Shannon with Toyah. When he says
that he doesn't know where Zoe is, Janice tells him that Zoe must
see him as a right pushover.
In the cafe, Audreh arrives, and pointedly ignores
Roy's cheery "Good morning Mrs Roberts". She comments
about "nice to get out when you've been held hostage in your
own home". Roy "wanted to ask about your poor Periwinkle"
which turns out to be a shrub, whose damage was not intended.
He assures her that the actions were not personal, but on behalf
of the trees. Audreh wonders whether he's ever heard of letter
writing as a form of protest. In her eyes, only Alfeh has any
rights in the matter because *he* was elected to serve the local
community. She wonders how Roy would like it if a mob of chanting
pig lovers came and picketted the cafe because they serve bacon
breakfasts?
In the Corner Shop, Maud is cooing over Shannon. Ashley
doesn't know what to think about Zoe anymore, especially as she
didn't come home last night. He still sticks up for her though,
while Maud speaks the truth about Zoe using him.
Ken needs to talk to Liz in the Rovers, but she tells
him she won't share Dreary's confidences.
Still in the Rover's, Audreh wonders if Emily has seen
sense yet. "Still practising your blowpipe then Emily?"she
sneers. Emily tells her that sometimes you have to ignore the
laws of trespass and so on, and refer oneself to a higher law.
Audreh wonders if these higher laws include family responsibilities,
such as "not encouraging that silly nephew of yours."
Emily admits that she doesn't agree with everything Geoffrey does,
but he has his commitments. Emily's not happy with direct action,
but realises that Geoffrey is right to put himself on the line
"just as the good lord himself always did" Audreh's
having none of this, and goes back to the bar.
At the aforesaid bar, Alec is checking with Ken that
he's kept tonight free for the book launch, escorting Miss Vale.
Ken thinks it's an odd event for an escort job, but "ours
is not to reason why" says Alec.
Audreh comes up to the bar, and shouts her order to
Alec just as he is serving Spider. Spider offers to buy Audreh's
drink, trying to be friendly. She refuses, and warns him not to
get too smug. (Because she knows when the bulldozers are going
in)
Back at the shop, Maud is bemoaning the youth of today.
She appraises Fred of the fact that they have contraceptive machines
in Ladies toilets now. She thinks that young girls think having
a baby is like catching a common cold. Fred thinks it's more of
a status symbol. If Fred were Home Secretary he'd introduce Penal
Servitude for every feckless young lad (and after he's just done
penile servitude too. - Ed). When Ashley comes in Fred tells him
to get on the phone to Social Services and get them to take the
problem on. Fred and Maud are in full agreement. Ashley won't
let the child be put into carer, because he can see that Zoe loves
her. The pressing problem of 'where is Zoe' he proposes to solve
by ringing round the hospitals ("in case she's gone in for
detoxification" says Fred), and the mortuary in case she's
been found dead somewhere.
Ken visits Dreary at Sunliners, but she's not for talking.
He wants to know why she won't trust him, but she still won't
say more than that it's very messy. She does say more though,
she tells him about the £5000, and how she's getting it
back at £500 a time. He asks if she'll move back to Weatherfield
- "Yeah, somewhere"
At the bank, Captain Ian Jenkins takes his Gold Card
statements to Customer Services. He's troubled by spurious withdrawals,
particularly as he hasn't used his card in the two months he's
been in Singapore. He says that the card has been safe at home,
and all he would expect to show would be his Direct Debits. (You
don't have DDs and Gold Cards on the same account. DDs are on
Current Accounts, Gold Cards are on Credit/Charge accounts. Something
wrong here, ITV). Customer Services ask if he's checked with
his secondary card holder, Mrs Dierdre Rachid. Ian Jenkins has
never heard of her, but the clerk produces the application for
a second card for Dreary, signed by Ian Jenkins, two days after
he left for Singapore. (Now we realise that Jon never had one
to match Dreary's).
END OF PART ONE
In the Rover's, Gail wishes that Audreh hadn't started
on Roy this morning. Audreh has a grievance because Alfeh didn't
want to press charges. "Still", she says, "they
won't be crowing over their little victory for long ''cos those
trees'll be firewood by next week." Gail criticises Audreh
for repeating something told her in confidence, and lets Audreh
know that she won't tell anyone, least of all Roy. She seems to
be implying that the protesters will hear about the bulldozers
going in, and that it'll probably come from Audreh.
Les comes in to chat up Janice, orders his pint, but
then cancels it when Janice refuses to buy it. He returns home
for a nice glass of chateau Weatherfield Corporation.
Ashley joins Fred at the bar, admitting that he still
can't find news of Zoe. Fred doesn't know why he's bothered, and
what does he want to drink. But no, Ashley leaves, to feed Shannon
At the book launch, Robert Fay, the author is thanking
his secretary and research assistant for all her help in supporting
him in writing his oeuvre, 'The Dales of Arcady'. Ken's date is
already chucking back the free wine. He suggests that they should
join the queue to buy a signed copy, but she says she prefers
to "buy her loo paper in rolls". She admits she's not
a fan of Robert Fay, she's just there to have a really good time.
Pulling Ken away, she says "Come on, let's go find a dale
of our own". As she leads him away, Robert Fay looks interested.
At Ashley's, Fred is sneering at Ashley as a "right
picture of modern manhood" as Ashley feeds Shannon on his
knee. Ashley is still sticking up for Zoe, suggesting that she's
forgotten the phone number. "What's Directory Enquiries for"
asks Fred, but Ashley suggests that "She's never heard of
it, like plumping cushions, fabric conditioner, filling t'kettle
half way......." (Great line!). Fred thinks she's never heard
about looking after babies either. Fred tells him, again, that
Shannon is some other bloke's daughter, he has no responsibility,
and should get rid. Ashley repeats that he won't put Shannon into
care unless he knew that Zoe was never coming back. And besides,
he admits that there is something of a relationship developing.
Fred is stunned.
In Dreary's kitchen, Liz is chopping carrots. Dreary
is late home, because she's been to look at one of those flats.
Liz thinks she's making a mistake, moving away from her friends,
but Dreary sees it as more scope to be sane, specially after another
grilling from Ken. Liz tells her that she told him to stop pestering
her, but Dreary sees this as the beginning of the story getting
out if she let it continue. The doorbell rings, Liz goes to answer
it, saying she'll say Dreary's out, if it's Ken.
But it isn't Ken, it's Alma, wanting to settle the
wedding reception details. She already knows about the split,
because Emily told her. Liz suddenly remembers some cinema tickets
for half past, an alibi which Dreary is happy to seize on. Unfortunately,
Alma offers to give them a lift into town.
Miss Vale at the book signing is trying to seduce Ken.
He tells her that Golden Years is not that sort of agency, and
he is not that sort of man. Fuelled by drink, she manhandles Ken
into a position that is not exactly appreciated by the author.
Robert Fay wants to know what she's doing there, and "Who
is that, another one of your casual pickups?" "This
is Ken, darling, he's a writer". It is apparent that she
is Vivianne, he's Bob, and she had earlier promised not to spoil
his book launch. It seems her motive was to show up his affair
with the personal assistant he eulogised some scenes earlier.
Bob suggests to Ken that "if you want to continue mauling
my wife I suggest you take her to the lobby". "Your
wife!!!" splutters Ken....."but, but...."
Fred is telling Ashley that he always thought he was
the steady type, "not easily thrown off course by a burst
of female turbulence". Ashley is still more concerned about
how he feels about Zoe. Just then Zoe comes in, as if she's only
been out for half an hour.
Ken is apologising to Robert Fay, who still sees Ken
as a significant other to his wife. Ken assures him that he's
not trying to seduce her, he didn't know that she was his wife,
and when she rang the agency she gave her name as Miss Vale. "Oh
she's even stooped to paying for it now?" says Robert, "No
you still don't understand...." Ken's embarrassment is spared
by the aforementioned Vivianne Fay aka Miss Vale, knocking over
the book laden table, denouncing the work as rubbish. "Over
to you" says Ken, making his excuses and leaving.
Dreary and Liz are walking round while Alma gets out
of sight. Dreary suggests they might as well go for a pizza, since
they're out. Passing a cash machine, Dreary thinks that she might
as well get her next £500 out. Oh dear, the message from
the screen is "your card has been retained, please contact
your branch".
Cue closing credits....
Episode written by Maureen Chadwick.
[1] Language note non-UK: It's
quite common Oop North to use 'Learn' when the meaning is 'Teach',
similarly 'Borrow' and 'Lend'.
Dewey
Wednesday 15 January
Greetings one and all.
Isn't Christmas a wonderful time of year? A time of
merry making, a time of giving presents, a time of eating and
drinking, and generally having a good time. It is also a time
of getting fat, at least for some of us.
Actually in my case it's a time of getting even fatter
than I was before Christmas - so fat that I no longer fit into
any of my clothes.
When I reach this point (which seems to happen quite
often to me), I have a few alternatives to consider. Option one
is that I could buy new clothes to fit around my expanding girth
- but as I'm a Yorkshireman it goes without saying that this
is not a viable option as it involves spending money. Option
two is that I could forsake clothes altogether and wander around
in the buff - but a quick glance out of the window tells me that
we don't have the climate here in Bradford for that sort of thing,
and I'm not sure that the neighbours would take too kindly to
having to look at my pale flabby bod as I wobble to the shops.
So we come to option three......THE DIET!!! To say that I hate
dieting is an understatement, it's like saying that Adolf Hitler
was slightly unpleasant, or that American Football is a bit boring.
No, I HATE dieting - I hate dieting with a vengeance. I hate
dieting so much that I think I would rather eat burning coals
wrapped in razor blades than diet. But something had to be done,
so I came up with a plan.
I remembered that somewhere back in the mists of time
when I was a mere lad, I used to enjoy walking. I could walk
for miles and never seemed to tire. Here in Yorkshire we have
some wonderful countryside for walking in, with plenty of hills
to climb, and I think that at one time or another I have climbed
them all. I thought to myself that as I was very slim as a youth
it must have been due to all the walking, so I decided that I
would diet a little and walk a lot. I fully expected to be slim
and lithe within a very few days - silly silly me.
I picked a day to start my new regime. I was told
that choosing a day to start is the only way to do this sort
of thing as it gives you the time to psyche yourself up for it.
The day of my diet and exercise regime, D-Day as I
call it, finally came. I felt that it wouldn't be a good idea
to walk on an empty stomach so I cooked myself a breakfast of
bacon and eggs, with a couple of sausages and a bit of black
pudding for good measure, and just to be sure that I wouldn't
start to feel peckish on my walk I added some baked beans as
well, with another egg and a couple more rashers of bacon to
balance the meal. After eating this hearty repast I felt ready
for anything, so I donned my walking boots and a warm coat and
set off into the hills of Allerton. I decided that I wouldn't
do too much on this first day, ten or twenty miles would probably
be enough.
The walk started very well, I strode out briskly with
purpose in my step. "This is the life" I thought to
myself as I felt the wind in my hair. I wondered why I'd ever
given up walking, I was obviously cut out to be a hiker. This
feeling of elation lasted for the first five minutes or so, by
which time I'd covered all of a few hundred yards. Then I felt
that I needed a rest, so I sat on a dry-stone wall to take in
the wonderful view. "I'll just rest a while" I thought
"just to get my breath back".
At that point I must admit that I considered turning
back. I thought that perhaps I hadn't psyched myself up enough
yet, and that maybe I should choose another day to start. But
then I pulled myself together, telling myself that it was now
or never. With that thought in mind I set off walking again with
a feeling of grim determination.
I had been walking for about twenty minutes when the
pain started. I felt it first in my left leg. It was a burning
sensation somewhere behind my shin-bone. I tried to ignore it
at first, but the pain wanted to be noticed so it kept on jabbing
at me. In the end I had to stop and rest again. I thought that
it was probably a good thing because it would give me a chance
to appreciate the beautiful Yorkshire countryside. So I sat on
a wall and rested a while as I drank in the beauty around me.
From where I was I could see across the valley to Thornton, and
when I looked to my right the valley stretched away into the
distance with the sun glistening in the beck which runs along
the valley bottom. The pain subsided after about fifteen minutes
so I set off once more.
Quickly the pain returned but now it was in both legs
and in the small of my back. I was shocked to realise that I
was getting very short of breath and I was starting to hurt everywhere.
My head started to hurt, just a little at first but soon it was
pounding with pain with every beat of my heart. Soon I was feeling
quite ill, I regretted my foolishness of eating the large breakfast
which kept threatening to come up for air. I had to stop to rest
again. Yes, dear reader, I am seriously unfit.
Fortunately I'd had the foresight to put my mobile
phone in my pocket before I set off. After resting for half an
hour or so to get my breath back, I dug my phone out of my pocket
and phoned the long suffering Mrs Harding, "Help" I
gasped "I'm knackered, I can't walk another step, come and
get me .....pleeeeease!". I'm sure I heard the sound of
laughing as she hung up the phone, but I must have been mistaken,
surely Mrs H couldn't possibly find my predicament amusing.
So here I sit, looking through a catalogue from an
outfitter who specialises in clothes for the man with the fuller
figure, as I consider what to say about Wednesdays episode of
Coronation Street. It was another good 'un.......it just gets
better and better........
Deirdre and Liz are having a coffee as they discuss
what the bank might say about Deirdres credit card. Deirdre is
going to call in at the bank to see what the problem is, but she
assumes that it is Jon, liar fake ex-pilot and all round nasty
person, who has told the bank to stop her using the card. Liz
asks why Deirdre is bothering going to the bank if she thinks
that. Deirdre says that there's a chance that it might have just
been the cash machine going haywire, so it's worth checking.
Zoe is at Ashley's house, it seems to be mid morning
but she's still wearing a dressing gown. Ashley is rather annoyed
with her, telling her how worried he was and that she could have
at least phoned to let him know she was all right. It seems that
Zoe had stayed away to look after her friend who'd been poorly
after taking too many drugs. He asks her how she could leave Shannon
for a whole day and a whole night "What if something had
happened to Shannon" said Ashley "what if she'd been
sick or rushed to 'ospickle or something". Zoe tells Ashley
that she knew Shannon would be all right because she knew that
Ashley would look after her. It seems to be dawning on Ashley
that Zoe may not be the sort of girl to plan a future with.
In the Battersby's Janice is massaging Les's shoulders.
Toyah is sitting at the table doing her homework. "Does she
have to do that now?" says Les, "There's nothing more
off-putting when you're trying to watch the telly than somebody
turning pages over". Janice asks Les if he's going to look
for a job today, he says he looks for one every day but that there
arent any jobs. "Oh what a shame" says Janice "you
won't be doing any drinking then will you?" She goes on to
tell Les that she refuses to buy his beer until he finds a job.
"Oh come on Jan" says Les "it's not my fault that
the economy's not performing the way it should" "It's
you that's not performing the way you should" says Janice.
Back at Ashley's the argument continues. Ashley is
trying to make Zoe understand how worried he was about her. Zoe
just says that she doesn't like being questioned all the time.
Ashley says that if he and Zoe are supposed to be living together
he doesn't think that it's right for her to be going off with
her mates like that. Ashley storms out of the house saying that
they'll continue the conversation after he's finished work. Zoe
says she's had enough of talking.
At the bank Deirdre is invited into the managers office.
Deirdre explains that she's here to find out why the cash machine
ate her Gold Card last night. The manager explains that the machine
ate the card because they (the bank) told it to, and that they
had done so on the instructions of the principal card holder.
Deirdre says "Him? Yes well..." "That doesn't surprise
you?" asks the bank manager "I have had my fill of surprises
from the principal card holder" replies Deirdre. "So
you do know Mr Jenkins?" says the manager "it's just
that he says he doesn't know you" "Mr who?" says
Deirdre "Oh, is that what he's calling himself now is it?"
"That's his name" says the manager "He's had an
account with us for years, and always in the name of Ian Jenkins".
"Well" says Deirdre "his real name is Jon Lindsey.
And I'll tell you something else which you might know that I didn't.
He has a wife and two kids and he runs a tie shop in Manchester
airport". "Hmmm..." says the bank manager "well
our Mr Jenkins doesn't work in a shop, in fact he's an airline
pilot" "Hah!" laughs our Deirdre "He told
me that one. I swallowed it as well"
The bank manager goes on to explain that Mr Jenkins
has been working in Singapore for the last three months and that
they have proof of this because they had communications from him
there. "Could you describe Jon Lindsey to me please"
asks the manager.
Back at Ashley's Zoe has Shannon in a pram. She says
to Shannon "We'll go in a minute, I'll just write a note
to stupid Ashley to let him know we've gone, in case he doesn't
notice" "Ga ga goo" says Shannon.
Back at the bank Deirdre and the manager come to the
realisation that they are both talking about two different men
"One in Didsbury and one in Tie-land" says the manager
(actually she probably said Thailand). "So that means that
every time I used that card Mr Jenkins was getting the bill"
said Deirdre "But it's almost as if I've been stealing from
him" says a distraught Deirdre, the look on the bank managers
face tells Deirdre that that's exactly what it looks like. "I'll
pay the money back" says Deirdre "just tell me how.
Do you want a cheque or something?" "Not at the moment"
says the manager "could you wait here for ten minutes please?
I just have to consult with a colleague". Deirdre just sits
there looking forlorn as the manager leaves the room.
In the corner shop Maude is talking to Geoffrey about
him being one of those people who tie themselves to trees to stop
them being chopped down. "I suppose you think I should be
locked up" says Geoffrey, "No" says Maude "I
think you should be given a medal". In walks Fred, I say,
Fred comes into the shop. He says to Maude "I suppose you've
heard? She's back" "No" said Maude "He's not
saying much today". Fred turns to Ashley "Ashley"
says Fred, his voice quavering slightly "I hope you've laid
the law down, I say I hope you've let her know what you think
of that kind of behaviour" (At this point I have to say what
a truly excellent actor John Savident is - the emotion he put
into this scene was quite remarkable) Ashley doesn't answer, he
just continues to stack the shelves. "You've not just taken
her back with open arms" says Fred "I think that's my
business don't you?" says Ashley "Ashley lad" says
Fred "I hate to say this, but she's a bad 'un. If you let
her back after what she's done you're giving her carte blanche
to make your life a misery" "I won't talk to you about
her" says Ashley "you can go on about her as much as
you like". Fred walks away in disgust "She's back all
right" he says to Maude "and in control by t' sound
of it, and we can guess how she achieved that can't we, ey? Same
way that women have achieved control over men since time began,
I say since time immemorial", "Aye" says Maude
with a smirk on her face "by using their superior intelligence"
Outside Ashley's house we see Zoe walking out of the
front door and down the street, pushing the pram and carrying
a bin liner full of Shannon's things.
Back at the bank the manager comes back into the room
with a man. She introduces the man to Deirdre "This is Detective
Sergeant Wyatt from Weatherfield CID" she says to a very
worried looking Deirdre "I've asked him to join us as, whoever
is responsible, I think we are looking at a case of fraud".
The copper sits down and explains to Deirdre that she isn't obliged
to say anything, but that anything she says may be given in evidence,
and that if she chooses to say nothing and later rely on answers
which could have been given at this stage comment may be made
at her trial. Poor Deirdre just sits there, mouth open, eyes protruding
alarmingly, saying nothing. Eventually she finds her voice and
asks if she is being arrested "No" says the copper "but
I would like you to come down to the station so that this interview
can be recorded".
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Then it's the adverts.
May I take this opportunity to thank Peter for doing
my update last week. You are a star Peter.
And now.............back to Corry.........
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the Rovers Ken is complaining to Alec about his
recent job escorting the writers wife. He tells Alec that he resigns
from the escort business. He's decided that the job is far too
dangerous. Alec tells him not to be hasty, but Ken has made up
his mind.
Liz comes into the pub with Janice. she asks Alec if
Deirdre has been in yet, "Not that I've noticed" says
Alec. Liz tells Janice about the cash machine eating Deirdres
card, and about how she was going to the bank to sort it out,
and that she was supposed to be meeting her in the pub at one
o'clock. Why Liz is telling this to Janice, a woman who seems
to hate her, is beyond me.
Next we find ourselves in the police station where
Deirdre is being interviewed. Deirdre has decided not to have
a solicitor present, even though she could have one. Methinks
our Deirdre has been at the 'Stupid Pills' again.
Deirdre tries to explain that she didn't realise that
the credit card she was using was obtained fraudulently. She tells
DS Wyatt a bit about her relationship with Jon and how it was
over now, and all the lies he told her "but we split up two
weeks ago" said Deirdre. "So why didn't you give him
the Gold Card back?" asks DS Wyatt quite reasonably "it
seems that in fact you have been withdrawing five hundred pounds
a day since you split up, and would probably have continued to
do so if Mr Jenkins hadn't found out and had the card stopped".
Poor Deirdre just sits there with her mouth open not knowing what
to say.
Ashley comes home to find Zoe and Shannon gone. He
reads her note telling him that she's gone to live at the hostel.
Back at Weatherfield police station Deirdre is still
being questioned. "So, you're saying that once you had the
five thousand pounds you'd have stopped taking money?" says
DS Wyatt "Yes" says Deirdre "All I wanted was to
get my money back. I was going to withdraw £5,000, not a
penny more". DS Wyatt looks across to his colleague with
a look on his face that shows that he doesn't believe Deirdre.
In the Rovers Audrey, Alma and Mike are discussing
Deirdre falling out with Jon. Mike asks if she's moved out of
the house yet, Alma says that she's still living at the house
"Oh good" says Mike "she hasn't lost everything
then" "No" says Alma "just the prospect of
a wonderful wedding and the chance of living happily ever after
with the man she adored..." "Oh yeah, I don't mean that"
said Mike "what I'm trying to say is that if she plays her
cards right she could still come out showing a profit".
Over in a corner of the Rovers Roy and Geoffrey are
sat at a table talking. Geoffrey is explaining to Roy that it
is a big mistake to assume that they are dealing with honourable
men, men who's word can be trusted. He says that the council,
property speculators, judges and capitalists can't be trusted.
Roy points out that, as he owns three fifths of the cafe, he is
a capitalist "Then perhaps" says Geoffrey "you
shouldn't even trust yourself". As Roy ponders over this
Audrey comes over to their table "This is the Weatherfield
vandals and Goths society having a lunch time get together is
it?" she says "Y'know, poor Alfeh is still clearing
up after you lot" "Lady" says an obviously short
sighted Geoffrey "nothing we did to your garden compares
to the destruction your husband is planning" "A..a..a..and
it wasn't deliberate" says Roy. Audrey walks away in disgust.
"Oh dear" says Roy "still, I suppose we must expect
to make a few enemies along the way" "We WANT to make
enemies" says Geoffrey "it's the only way we can be
sure that what we are doing is right". Roy doesn't look so
sure.
Les Battersby comes into the Rovers in a state of excitement.
He rushes over to Janice and asks her to lend him a fiver. She
reminds him what she said about not buying him beer until he got
a job, "But I've got one" he says triumphantly "I
start on Monday, working as a security guard for the builders
on the Red Rec".
Fred, I say Fred comes in to the Rovers and orders
his usual Scotch and threat. He asks Mike what he thinks of the
youth of today. "I try not to think about them at all"
says Mike, "See" says Fred "all this guff from
the politicians about compassion and being caring, I think they've
taken it all to heart, as a result they don't know right from
wrong", "What are you talking about?" asks Mike
"Our Ashley" says Fred "Friend of the 'omeless,
father to the fatherless. Or to put it another way, the softest
nelly you've ever come across".
Meanwhile Ashley is at home on the phone to the hostel
that Zoe said in her note that she was going to. It seems that
she hasn't actually gone there, but even if she had they wouldn't
tell Ashley. So Ashley asks them to give Zoe a message asking
her to phone him if she wanted to.
Back at Weatherfield nick Deirdre is asked if she minds
waiting while DS Wyatt goes to see Jon. "I won't have to
see him will I?" asks Deirdre "No" says DS Wyatt,
then he asks "but I'll be able to see him won't I? I mean
he does exist doesn't he?" "Of course he does"
says Deirdre who seems unable to take all the days events in.
DS Wyatt continues "It's just that you've been found fraudulently
using a credit card, which you say was given to you by a man who
you are no longer seeing" "You'll find him" says
Deirdre "either in the tie shop or at home with his wife".
With that DS Wyatt sets off in an attempt to find Jon.
Back in the Rovers Roy and Geoffrey are leaving. As
they walk past Audrey Roy says "I'm sorry for any inconvenience
caused Mrs Roberts, any damage, I'll be quite happy to come round
and help you to put it right" "Well I'm sure you mean
well" says Audrey "but I really think you should start
thinking about the company you're getting in to, I mean, when
do you think he last did a full days work" "What? Spider?"
says Roy "well personally I think it's an education just
talking to him". As Roy and Geoffrey leave Mike says "I'd
turn the hosepipe on them" "You'd think they'd welcome
a concert bowl" says Fred "it'll give them somewhere
to sit and sing their protest songs".
Just then Ashley comes into the pub. He tells Fred
that Zoe has gone. "Well done Ashley" says Fred "She
can't say that she didn't deserve it, I say she can't say that"
and then to Alec "Same again all round, we're celebrating".
DS Wyatt comes back to talk to a very dejected looking
Deirdre. "Well" he says "there's good news and
bad news. The good news is that he does exist" "I think
I told you that" says Deirdre. DS Wyatt continues "but
the bad news is that he's disappeared, leaving you to carry the
can..." Deirdre just sits there looking as if the bottom
has fallen out of her world, which it probably has.
And that's it - a totally wonderful episode of our
favourite soap. I'm happy to say that Corry has once again become
a real joy to watch. The actors seem to be revelling in these
high quality scripts, this shows in the quality of the acting,
which is, in my humble opinion, far superior to that seen in
any of the other soaps.
So, until next week, I'll say
Bye for now - Ian
Friday 16 January
Greetings one and all
Helen has gone out for the evening and has asked me
to do her update for her, so here is Fridays update written by
my own fair hand.........
Poor Deirdre is still being held at the police station
for questioning. DS Wyatt tells her that they have to search her
house for evidence, and that they will also have to check with
her bank about her finances. Deirdre says that as Jon has disappeared
it proves that he is guilty. Ds Wyatt agrees with her and then
says "...but it doesn't prove that you aren't"
Les Battersby is talking to Toyah about her and Geoffrey
and the Red Rec protesters. "I don't know how anybody can
spend their life being a loser" he says, "Not like you
ey?" says Toyah. Les points out to Toyah that protesting
never makes any difference in the end, but Toyah disagrees, she
says "But it helps to raise peoples awareness", "Oh,
awareness.." says Les "..that's a big word. Who did
you get that off? Tarantula? Well, you won't raise my awareness"
"I said people, not pond life" says Toyah. "So.."
says Les "..do you think you'll win next week?" "Next
week?" says Toyah "Er...well, whenever" says Les
quickly, "Course we will" says Toyah, "No you won't"
says Les "they'll have a crack security team up there"
"Don't be daft" says Toyah "They'll have dross
off the dole queue who can't find work anywhere else. One fifty
an hour meat heads" "Ey, you watch what you're saying"
says Les.
DS Wyatt continues to question Deirdre. He wants to
know what the five thousand pounds that Deirdre loaned to Jon
was for. She explains that it was for a deposit for the house.
"So why did you want to get the money back when you already
had it invested in your house?" asks DS Wyatt "Cos when
I realised what a liar he was I just wanted out" says Deirdre
"I didn't want to wait around for him to do any more lying".
"He's a funny kind of con man" says the DS "He
sets up a scam and doesn't make a penny out of it" "He's
an odd sort of man" says Deirdre "as you'll discover
when you meet him". DS Wyatt seems to think that he's found
a criminal mastermind in our Deirdre......he obviously doesn't
watch Corry very often.
In the corner shop Maude is telling Ashley not to look
so glum "You did the right thing to get rid of her"
says Maude, "But I didn't" says Ashley "she left
of her own accord". He explains to Maude about the argument
he had with Zoe and the note she left saying that it wasn't working
out and that she's see him around. Maude is right, poor Ashley
does look glum.
Back in Weatherfield nick Deirdre is explaining to
DS Wyatt about how Jon lied about being an airline pilot. She
tells the full story about Ken seeing Jon working in the tie shop
and the subsequent events. DS Wyatt seems to be suffering from
the same thing that us viewers have over the last few months -
he simply cannot believe such a far fetched story "It's like
a Whitehall farce isn't it?" he says "I know I've been
stupid" says Deirdre, "Yes" says DS Wyatt "unbelievably
stupid". He goes on to tell Deirdre that usually if a con
man goes to this sort of trouble there's some sort of pay-off.
He also mentions that they usually pick younger and more glamorous
women than Deirdre. "You don't believe me do you?" says
a bewildered Deirdre, "It just doesn't add up" says
DS Wyatt "not by a long way". At this point Deirdre,
realising that she may be in serious trouble, asks to have a lawyer.
In the Rovers Alec asks Mike where he stands on the
Red Rec issue, "It doesn't matter to me" says Mike "I
don't make any extra money either way". Mike goes on to say
that Alec might benefit from a concert bowl "Think of all
the money the punters might spend in here" says Mike. Alma
points out that if there is a protest which lasts six months,
that could also bring more customers into the Rovers. Alec smiles,
he realises that he wins whatever happens.
Just then Mike's mobile phone rings. It's Deirdre asking
for his help. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think if I was in
Deirdre's situation I wouldn't have used my phone call to contact
a man who manufactures ladies undergarments - I would have thought
a solicitor might have been more appropriate. Fortunately for
Deirdre, Mike decides to call his solicitor, "We'll be right
there" he says. Ken, Liz and Alma all overhear the conversation
and set off with Mike to the police station.
Fred comes into the corner shop with a big smile on
his face. "Is Ashley not here?" says Fred to Maude "He's
gone early" says Maude "..to have a long think about
that Zoe" "But he's got rid of her" says Fred "No
he didn't" replies Maude "she left of her own accord",
"Well" says Fred "it's same difference int it?
He's got shut of her, that's all that matters", "Aye,
well, he's still pining for her" says Maude. Fred isn't smiling
any more as he says with feeling "Damn the girl".
Back at the cop shop Deirdre is told that her house
has now been searched, and that there's a slight problem with
the mortgage. It seems that Ian Jenkins has, unbeknown to him,
been paying Deirdre's mortgage by direct debit, "But that's
impossible" says Deirdre "I thought Jon was paying it.
So..." continues Deirdre "..if he's been paying the
mortgage, who's house is it?" "Well that's a grey area"
says DS Wyatt, "But he's stopped the payments now, so unless
you can take over the repayments the house will probably be repossessed"
"Oh no" says Deirdre "that means I'll be homeless
too" (I thought she'd already decided to move out of the
house) "That could be the least of your problems" says
DS Wyatt, "Why? What do you mean?" says Deirdre with
a look of panic on her face, "lets just say that the sooner
your brief gets here the better" says DS Wyatt.
Time for the adverts
While the adverts are on I must say a couple of things.
Isn't this Deirdre stuff getting exciting? I know its rubbish,
and I think that the person (whoever it may be) who is responsible
for this storyline should be taken out and beaten severely with
a soggy Corry script.......but I do like the way they're building
the tension now.......I wonder if she's going to end up doing
time.
And now....on with the show.....
---------------------------------------------
"I can't believe this is happening" says
a distraught Deirdre as DS Wyatt explains exactly how serious
her offence is. He seems to think that Deirdre is the brains behind
Jon's antics. Deirdre says that he can't possibly believe that.
Just then, Frankie, Mike's solicitor, arrives "We'll soon
have this sorted out" says Frankie.
In the Rovers Audrey is talking to Les about the Red
Rec protesters, "Aren't they a menace" says Audrey "Don't
you worry" says Les "Help is at hand", "How
do you mean?" asks Audrey, "There's an A-Team of security
men being hand picked as we speak" "How do you know?"
says Audrey, Les stops leaning on the bar, stands up and sticks
his chest out "Cos your talking to one of them" he says
proudly, Audrey pulls a face and says "Oh, really",
clearly she isn't impressed. Les goes on to say "Any trouble
from that riffraff and they'll feel one of these" he clenches
his hand into a fist, tensing his bicep as he does so. Audrey
suddenly becomes more interested, and saying "Oh, oooh, I
see what you mean" she feels Les's bicep with a smirk on
her face.
Les goes on to tell Audrey what he thinks about the
protesters. "They're all scroungers" he says "If
there's one thing I can't stand it's scroungers" and then
to Janice "Buy us a pint will you love" he then goes
to the loo leaving Audrey to talk to Janice. "You won't say
anything about Les's new job will you?" says Audrey "cos
it's meant to be a secret. If those protesters get wind of it
they'll dig in and it could go on for months" "What
would happen to the people doing security if that happened?"
asks Janice, "Oh, it would cost a fortune, they'd all be
on overtime". Janice goes away with a smile on her face and
an idea forming in her mind.
Back at Weatherfield police station Frankie asks DS
Wyatt if he intends to charge Deirdre with anything. "Not
at the moment" says the DS "we need to make more enquiries",
"In that case" says Frankie "I want her released
immediately on unconditional bail" "OK" says DS
Wyatt "as long as we know where you're staying, and as long
as it's somewhere local".
Outside the interview room at the police station, Ken,
Liz, Mike and Alma are waiting. Deirdre comes out and hugs Liz
and then thanks Mike for his help. Frankie says "She's been
released pending further enquiries, but she needs an address"
"But she's already got an address" says Mike, "She
can't stay there" says Frankie "there's alleged fraud
on that house, so she needs somewhere else to stay". "You
can stay with me Deirdre" says Ken "I'd be delighted
to have you, whatever's happened. Stay as long as you like".
Janice arrives home and asks Toyah if she's really
going to be involved in the protest at the Red Rec. "Course
I am" says Toyah "What you asking me that for? Summat's
happened ant it?" "Nuuurrrrr" says Janice, "Yes
it as" says Toyah "go on, tell me". "All right
then, but you've got to promise not to tell" says Janice
"All right" says Toyah "I promise", "It's
yer dad" says Janice "E's gone and got hisself a job
as a security guard at the Red Rec, e starts on Monday. For Gods
sake don't you tell Spider". Toyah gets up and heads for
the door, "Where you goin?" says Janice "Just out"
says Toyah. Janice smiles with satisfaction at a job well done
as Toyah leaves.
Emily is serving supper for her and Geoffrey as Toyah
knocks at the door. "What is it?" asks Geoffrey "They're
chopping trees down next week" says Toyah, and goes on to
explain about Les being a security guard at the Red Rec. Geoffrey
stands up and heads for the phone "I'm going to ring round
and whip up some support" he says "This is action stations
- NOW!"
In the Rovers Fred sees Maxine. He sidles up to her
and says "You're looking at a bit of a loose end love"
"I know" says Maxine "You're not the only one around
here in that position" says Fred, then, seeing the look of
horror on Maxines face quickly says "Oh, not me. No, our
Ashley, he's kicked that beggar girl out, now's your chance to
make it up with him", Maxine is furious "Will you just
get it into your thick skull" she says "Me and Ashley
are finished. Did he put you up to this?" "No"
says Fred, but Maxine doesn't seem to be convinced.
At the other side of the Rovers people are talking
about Deirdre, word travels fast on Coronation Street. "Oh,
it'll all come out in the wash" says Rita "Nobody will
believe that Deirdre would do a thing like that" "No"
says Mike "Anyway, Frankie will sort it out", Frankie
doesn't look so sure.
Maxine finds Ashley sitting by himself in the Rovers.
She tells him that he's like a fourteen year old, using his uncle
to pass messages on for him. Ashley is really angry with his uncle
Fred and goes over to tell him what he thinks. "But I only
did it for the best" says Fred, "When will you learn
to keep your nose out?" says Ashley then he walks away leaving
Fred looking very dejected.
Les has found out that Janice has let the cat out of
the bag about his job. "What did you tell her for?"
he says, Janice replies "All you wanted was a couple of days
standing round wearing a uniform, chatting with your mates"
she continues "This way you'll actually have to work for
a change - start paying your way" Les doesn't seem to understand
this concept and turns to Janice with a bemused look on his face.
Deirdre is at the house that she once thought was her
own. She is packing a few clothes into a suitcase. Ken is with
her, giving moral support. "All the times you warned me,"
says Deirdre "What was it you called him? A fake?" "We've
all done stupid things" says Ken "Just put it all behind
you and take one day at a time".
Back in the Rovers Mike is discussing Deirdre with
Frankie. "Do you really think she's innocent?" asks
Frankie "Of course she is" says Mike "What are
you saying?", "It looks bad for her" says Frankie
"Jon Lindsey has been very clever, unless we find some evidence
to clear her, Deirdre could go to prison for a long time, maybe
as long as seven years" "She didn't do it" says
Mike, "Well, we'll have to convince a jury of that"
says Frankie "cos right now we don't have a leg to stand
on"
Oh dear, poor Deirdre. It does look as if this story
is going to drag on and on. By the time they've finished with
it, and Brian Park's squeezed every last drop out of this storyline,
poor Deirdre will have forgotten how to smile altogether.
Anyway, it's all gripping stuff, and I can't wait to
see what happens on Sunday.
I'll be back next week with my usual Wednesday update,
and Helen will be back here in her rightful place next Friday.
Oh, I'm sorry if this update seems a little rushed and that it
is rather late - weekends are a busy time for me.
Bye for now. -- Ian Harding
Sunday 18 January
OK then Corrie watchers, corrie is still going strong
and hopefully will carry on going up and up!
It's been a class episode and here's the HEADLINES:
Curly Chickens Out
Sam wants to make plans
Sir Royston tarts charging for spuds
Dreary should be locked up and the key should be thrown away
Janice Eats Spider
THE FULL WHACK!!
We have an early start to the street when Spider starts
gathering his troops for the protest at the Red Rec.. He bangs
on Curlys door and when he answers, he says that he's got to do
some stocktaking
Ken & the Drear sit down (just like old times)
, she can't thank him enough
We pop round to number 5, where Les is getting ready
for work, he can't wait to see Toyah when gets out of bed and
see's him
The protesters are at the Red rec long before Les &
Paddy (Les' boss) get there. Spider tells his troops that they
need to build tunnels so that the bulldozers won't come and get
rid of the trees
Sam tells Des that she wants to drive across the States
Ken tells the Drear not to blame herself
Ashley goes to the dump where Zoe calls home
Ashley tells Zoe that he never really wanted Zoe to
leave
Emily meets Curly in the rovers, she says "All
Fishfingers & Frozen peas present and correct ?" (not
a bad line for her)
Vera is walking down the stairs in the Rovers and puts
her foot through the boards (clever woman!) She refuses to let
Jack mend it.
Ash asks Zoe to come home, after a few moments thought
she says OK
"Eco warriors are one step away from terrorists
(I say guess who said that)
There are some candles on the table in Kenneth's house
Dreary isn't hungry and says "They should lock me up and
throw away the key"
Back to the war zone and Janice has come to collect
Toyah, Spider tells Toyah that he will not let her go. Janice
promptly bites Spiders arm.
Back to civilisation and Des tells Sam that going for
a trip across the USA is a good idea, so good that he suggests
getting married there
Guess what? It goes off with Sam giving Des a funny
look
SCENE THAT MADE ME LAUGH: Janice biting Spiders arm
PHRASE THAT MADE ME LAUGH: "All Fishfingers & frozen
peas present and correct?" - Emily
MOST TRUE STATEMENT OF THE YEAR: "They should lock me up
and throw away the key" - Dreary
Cheers! HAMBO
Monday 19 January
Greetings one and all
It's getting late, so without further ado I'll get
straight on with the goings on in Coronation Street on Monday
night.......
Tonight's episode starts in the Battersby household.
Janice is making sandwiches for Les to take to work with him.
Toyah is wearing her school uniform, but she isn't going to school,
she gets a lift to the Red Rec with Les instead.
As Des sets off for work Samantha says "I can't
believe you're serious about wanting to marry me", "Of
course I am" says Des "I can't wait for your answer".
Samantha doesn't look too sure about this at all.
"It's great" says Ashley as he sits down
to breakfast with Zoe, "What is?" says Zoe, "This......us
being together" says Ashley. "What will your uncle Fred
say when he finds out?" says Zoe, "It's none of his
business" says Ashley, "But he'll put ideas in your
head, he's good at that" says Zoe, "Never mind him"
says Ashley "I can 'angle 'im". "I love it here
with you Ashley" says Zoe, "Me too" says Ashley.
Rita is delivering newspapers. It seems that one of
her paper-boys hasn't turned in for work. As she's delivering
papers along Coronation Street she sees Emily. Emily is dressed
in her 'eco-warrior' clothes. Emily tells Rita that she'd offer
to help delivering the papers if she had the time, but that she's
rather busy at the moment. "How do I loook?" asks Emily,
"I wish I had a camera" says Rita, "Well the clothes
are Samanthas" says Emily "I don't think I wear them
with the same panache", "Well" says Rita "You
fill them differently, but panache....you've got panache by the
bucket load". Emily sets off to the Red Rec. As she walks
down the street Rita calls after her "Oh Emily....whatever
you do don't chain yourself to Alf Roberts....no matter how tempted
you are"
Gary and Judy are back from their holiday in Newcastle.
It seems that they've had a good time. Gary and Jim have a wee
chat about business, and Gary asks Jim if he's still looking for
a partner. Jim says that he is so he does. So we now have a new
double act on the street.
In the Rovers Jack is attempting to repair the staircase.
Vera tells him to get Jim MacDonald to do the job properly. Jack
says that he would rather do it himself, but after Vera points
out how useless Jack is at things like this he gives in.
In the cafe Nick is helping Gail out behind the counter.
Judy orders a cooked breakfast and sits at a table to wait while
it is cooked. Roy and Geoffrey come into the cafe. "Protest
over?" asks Gail "No" says Roy "Spider wants
to sample our all day breakfast....vegetarian style", "I'll
have a plate of grilled tomatoes and mushrooms, and a piece of
toast without butter please" says Geoffrey (so that's why
he looks so ill all the time, he obviously hasn't heard about
protein and the need for a balanced diet). "Do you want me
to stay to help out?" says Roy to Gail, "No thanks,
I can manage" says Gail "you stick to your principles".
Just then Zoe comes into the cafe carrying her baby. She sits
down at Judy's table. "Do you think Shannon's changed?"
says Zoe, "I'd rather not look at her" says Judy as
she gets up and leaves.
Alma and Liz call to see Deirdre at Ken's house. Liz
is wearing jeans instead of the usual short skirt - I must say
that it's a great improvement, it shows that she's actually got
quite a nice figure. I hope she wears jeans more often (sorry
Mike Plowman if this offends your sensibilities). Alma asks Deirdre
if she wants to go out for lunch, but Deirdre says that she'd
rather be on her own. "Ah well, just as long as you know
you've got friends" says Liz.
Emily is in the corner shop buying vegetarian cheese
for her eco-warrior chums. "It's fifty pence dearer than
ordinary cheese" says Maude "Oh well" says Emily
"we've got to be prepared to pay for our principles",
"As long as it's the eco-warriors who are paying, and not
you" says Maude, "They pool their resources" says
Emily "it's a kind of communism", "And you're a
kind of pensioner" says Maude. Just then Fred appears from
the stock room "Where's that vegetarian pate rubbish we had?"
he says "I can't find it", "I palmed that off on
them yesterday" says Maude.
Judy comes into the shop, not to buy anything, just
to talk to Ashley. "She'll take you for a ride you know"
says Judy "It's all right you being kind to her, but what
about me and my feelings?" "She's got nowhere else to
go" says Ashley "You've got Gary, she hasn't got anybody"
"Do you think I'm going to forget all I did for Katie?"
says Judy "No" says Ashley "but Zoe's her mother,
she should stay with her mother" "She should be with
ME!" says Judy as she leaves the shop.
"Ashley" says Fred with disappointment in
his voice "Yon lass is back then?" "Yes, you've
got the picture uncle Fred" says Ashley, "Back living
in my house" says Fred "That's right" says Ashley
"in your house with your nephew". "Have you gone
simple or what?" asks Fred, "No I 'aven't" says
Ashley, "So, is she paying her way then? Hmm? Food, gas,
electric?" "No" says Ashley "she's got a young
baby to feed" "It's not your responsibility" shouts
Fred with passion in his voice. "It's none of your business"
says Ashley, "Well you'd better get ready to flit then"
says Fred "I'm putting that house up for sale, I say that
For Sale notice is going up as soon as possible".
Then it's the adverts
"Come on then, what's your answer?" says
Des to Samantha as she cooks his lunch "Don't be so impatient"
says Samantha, "Oh come on" says Des "don't keep
me in suspense" "Oh all right then," says Sam "Yes!"
"That's great" says Des "lets get married in three
months" "In three months?" says Sam. I don't think
she's at all sure about this.
On the Red Rec Emily is distributing vegetarian cheese
sandwiches to Geoffrey and his merry little band of eco-warriors.
Les is wandering around trying to look official in his yellow
hat and even yellower coat. Just then Janice turns up . She goes
straight over to Toyah "Av rung the skewell, yer not there,"
she says "it toook them fifteen minutes to remember who you
were" "She was just going, weren't you love?" says
Les. Janice thumps Geoffrey on the arm "You should be ashamed
of yourself" she says "She's got 'er GCSE's in a couple
of months, she could go to university" "Yer what?"
says Toyah. Janice grabs hold of Toyah and drags her away "You're
going to skewell" she says.
"Des, we're just kidding ourselves" says
Samantha "I can't marry you in three months, I have to divorce
Richie first" He won't stand in your way" says Des "Yes
he will" says Sam "He'd rather see you dead than married
to me" "He'll see reason if I talk to him" says
Des, "Can't we just carry on as we are?" says Sam.
Audrey is talking to Ken in the street. Behind them
we see a For Sale sign being put up outside Ashleys house. Audrey
is trying to find out what's happened to Deirdre, but Ken won't
tell her anything. "You don't think that Deirdre and I cooked
up the whole scheme together do you?" says Ken "No,
course not" says Audrey, "Good" says Ken "So
that's not something you'll be spreading around the neighbourhood
then?". Ken walks away leaving Audrey looking offended.
"They made me do detention" says Toyah as
she gets home from school "I know" says Janice "it
were my idea. Now get on with your homework" "It's French"
says Toyah "it'll take me hours" "Well you'd better
get started" says Janice, "But I'm hungry" says
Toyah, "If you want something to eat why don't you knock
on the wall" says Janice "Mrs Bishop might bring you
a banana butty round".
In the Rovers Jim and Gary arrive to look at the staircase.
"We don't do staircases do we?" says Gary "Of course
we do" says Jim "staircases are our speciality so they
are" "I thought they might be" says Jack.
Ashley comes into the Rovers. He sees Fred sitting
by the window so he goes to join him. "So you did it then?"
says Ashley "Board's up?" says Fred "Good, and
it won't come down until she finds herself another manger in another
stable" "I thought you had more charity in you"
says Ashley, "That house is not a squat" says Fred,
"She's got nowhere else to go" says Ashley, "She
HAS!" shouts Fred ".......if it was just the house I
wouldn't care, I hate the place. But you're being taken in. It
cost Judy Mallet her life's savings, what's it going to cost you?"
"I love her uncle Fred" says Ashley "and d'you
know what? You can keep your rotten house".
At Des's house Des and Samantha are discussing their
wedding plans. Sam says they should wait 5 years, but Des wants
to get married as soon as possible to prove how much he loves
Sam. Sam says that right now she's the happiest she's ever been,
and that she doesn't need a bit of paper to prove it.
In the Rovers Jim and Gary are looking at the staircase.
Jim has decided that the staircase is rotten and is in need of
replacing so he has. Jack says that he needs an estimate. Vera
just wants them to start work as soon as possible. "Ok, we'll
start tomorrow" says Jim.
Deirdre and Ken are sitting having dinner. Actually,
Ken is the only one eating, Deirdre is just moving her food around
her plate with her fork. "I don't feel much like eating"
she says. Just then the phone rings, it's DS Wyatt for Deirdre.
When she puts the phone down Deirdre says "He wants to see
me down at the station.....right away".
In the Rovers Jim is working out a price for the repair
to the staircase. "It's going to cost us eleven hundred quid"
says Jim "So that makes it fourteen hundred" "What?"
says Gary showing a complete lack of understanding of business
"You're going to stick on three hundred quid?" "We
have to make a profit so we do" says Jim.
Judy comes into the Rovers looking for Gary "Zoe's
back" she says "she's got Katie, she's calling her Shannon"
"Don't worry" says Gary "she'll be gone tomorrow"
"No she won't" says Judy "She's staying with Ashley"
"I'll have a word with her" says Gary, "It won't
do any good" says Judy "If I have to see them every
day I'll go mad". "Why don't you go down to the arcade"
says Gary " see if you can get your job back" "I'm
not going back to the arcade" says Judy.
In Weatherfield police station DS Wyatt tells a distraught
Deirdre what the charges against her are "One count of obtaining
a credit card by deception, one count of procuring a mortgage
by fraud, eight counts of illicitly withdrawing five hundred pounds
from the credit card account of Mr Ian Jenkins, two specimen counts
of obtaining goods and services on a fraudulently obtained credit
card" Poor Deirdre just sits there, looking stunned, shaking
her head.
And that's it - I'll be back in my regular Wednesday
spot next week. So until then I'll say.......
Bye for now - Ian
Wednesday 21 January
Hi there everyone, Well this is a first for me. Ian
swapped with Peter and did Mondays update and then Peter had
problems with his video so Ian offered to do Wednesdays as well.
Unfortunately Mr H is not very good at organising his time. Especially
once he gets into his studio which is one of those places in
a time warp and is now busy recording a new song. So me being
the wonderful person that I am I obligingly offered to write
Wednesdays update for him so here goes.
And before I start I would just like to remind everyone
that this is not the kind of thing I do and would appreciate
everyone understanding this.
The episode begins with Ashley telling Zoe that he
is working to rule. He is closing the shop at 6.00 o'clock prompt.
He says that at five to he will have his coat on. 2 minutes to
he will have the key out and at 6.00 pm prompt he will be locking
the door. He says that he is classed as an employee these days
and so he is going to start behaving like one. Zoe tells Ashley
that she should move out, her and Shannon. She says that Ashley
took them in because they were homeless and now Uncle Fred is
going to make Ashley homeless because of them and it's not right.
Ashley is having none of it. He agrees with Zoe that it is not
right , but that it is uncle Fred who is in the wrong and not
her and that he asked them back because he wanted them all to
be together. Ashley confidently tells her that they will find
somewhere else, but Zoe argues that it will not be as nice or
as cheap. Ashley says that they will manage and masterly instructs
Zoe to look through the papers and make appointments if she fancies
anywhere and if he has to close the shop early then it is Uncle
Fred's tough luck.
Deirdre is with Ken and sponging a stain on her jacket
sleeve. Ken is trying to get Deirdre to eat something. He tells
her she must have something to eat as she hardly slept a wink
last night and she must eat otherwise she will faint in the dock.
Deirdre apologies for disturbing him but she couldn't sleep as
she was thinking stupid thoughts like, ' Do you get a decent pillow
in prison'. As she couldn't sleep she decided to do downstairs,
thus disturbing Ken. And now she must decide what she is going
to wear for her court appearance. Should she wear the suit or
the skirt and blouse. Only the suit is her best suit and it looks
expensive. Maybe she doesn't want to look expensive. Maybe she
wants to look like the poor gullible idiot that she is. Ken gently
tells Deirdre to stop talking like that. Deirdre shouts, ' I cant
help it Ken, one minute I want them to feel sorry for me and the
next I am thinking stuff them. Why should I start acting as if
I am guilty. I am not. I am innocent before the law.' Ken interrupts
by agreeing with her and of course she is not guilty and that
she is not even on trial and it is ONLY bail hearing. 'ONLY' shouts
Deirdre 'Listen to us, a week ago I didn't even know what bail
was'.
In the back room at the rovers Samantha has just told
Natalie that Des has proposed. Natalie thinks this is fantastic.
Natalie says that she is thrilled to bits, you dead romantic and
everything but it probably wont happen. Well not for years anyway.
Natalie suggest that Samantha might be getting a little old for
all this long engagement stuff. But Natalie explains that her
and Des don't have a problem, no, it's her ex. and that he would
have to agree to a divorce, wouldn't he. A knock at the door interrupts
them and as Natalie stands to answer it she begs not to be got
on the subject of ex husbands otherwise they will be here all
day. Right on cue, Vera comes in from the kitchen to join in by
saying, 'I'll say, she's ad more ex's than a football pool'. Natalie,
who by this time is in the hall hears Vera and shouts back informing
Vera. Jack reaches to door before Natalie to greet a somewhat
late workteam of Jim and Gary who have some to repair the staircase
which Vera put her foot through in a previous episode.
Vera, on hearing who has turned up rushes to the hall
to demand an explanation for their lateness. Jim and Gary's excuse
is that they had to go and get the spindles. Deirdre is now waiting
in the court room cafeteria with her solicitor Frankie. Frankie
is telling Deirdre that she has nothing to worry about as today
is just a formality. She will be asking for an adjournment and
the prosecution has not reason to object. It will be over and
done with before you know it. Deirdre is not convinced by this
and asks Frankie, ' But what if the Magistrate wont allow it?
They could put me in prison till the trial.' Frankie tries to
convince her that this wont happen as it is only a few grand and
a credit card. Not Brinks Matt. The Magistrates are used to dealing
with serious fraud stretching into hundreds of thousands. Mike
turns up with a cup of tea and Deirdre declares to him that she
is, ' Small fry, apparently.' Deirdre now understands that she
will be able to leave the court today and Frankie says there will
be no problem if she can give the court a permanent address and
a surety. Ken's address is acceptable and Mike offers the surety.
Frankie also suggest that they lift reporting restrictions as
there may be other victims out there who will come forward and
strengthen Deirdre's case. Although Deirdre knows what she is
saying she can not go along with it as she has put up with already
as she has lost her job, her marriage, security and if this gets
plastered all over the newspapers she will loose he dignity as
well. Well what little she has got left.
Des is trying to get Samantha to phone her ex. Samantha
refuses telling Des that she has no privacy with Jim and Gary
knocking the staircase down and she is not going to ask her husband
for a divorce from a pay phone. She may as well go on Ricky Lake
and do it. Des suggests that she ask Jack if she can nip out for
a few minutes and go home and do it. Or maybe she doesn't want
to do it at all. Samantha is not relishing the idea and doesn't
see why she should play into Ritchie's hands by asking for a divorce
as it will make him feel as though he has some control over their
lives and this is the last thing Samantha wants to do. Des is
not happy about this as it means they will have to wait to get
married. He goes home and finds Ritchie's phone number in Sam's
filo fax but every time he tries to phone Ritchie is not home
and the answer machine is on.
Still in the Rover's Emily tries to make Norman (Curly)
feel guilty that he is fiddling while Rome burns. He retaliates
by asking her what she is doing whilst the bulldozers are hovering,
drinking sweet sherry and guzzling the hot pot. Emily is fuelling
the fires as it will colder still when night draws in.
Deirdre is now in court with Mike, Liz and Ken there
for support. The prosecution is not happy with the surety and
address. They ask that, as Deirdre works for a travel agent, they
would like her to hand her passport into the court and promise
not to obtain or try to obtain alternative travel documents. The
court accepts this request and as Deirdre has not brought her
passport with her she is to be subjected to being locked in the
cells whilst Ken hurries home for it.
Deirdre's spell in the cells has really upset her.
She is now back at Ken's with Ken and Liz and telling them of
the smells in the cells. Bleach, and other things which you can
not get away from. Deirdre starts crying as she tells Liz that
she might 'Just have to get used to it'.
Mike is in the Rover's with Frankie informing her of
Deirdre's virtues. Frankie says that there could be another side
to someone who worked in a back street travel agents and lived
a back street dive. Maybe, when Jon Lindsey came along she saw
an opportunity to change things. Ordinary people sometimes get
sick of their ordinary lives and perhaps Deirdre manipulated things
from the start. Or alternatively she had a vague idea what was
going on and was enjoying herself too much to do anything about
it. Either way there is guilt. Both are easier to believe than
the gullible woman in love bit. Frankie also strengthens her case
by saying that no one gets to Deirdre's age and fall that heavily
or blindly in love. She has three marriages behind her and they
don't know how many affairs. All of this makes it impossible for
anyone to accept that she is a star crossed lover. Mike laughs
and asks what odds he would get on a double with her and Shergar.
Once again the Rovers is in the frame and Zoe has gone
in with babe in arms to tackle Uncle Fred. Zoe approaches Fred
at the bar asking if she can have a word. Fred gives her one word,
'Floccinaucinihilipilification '
I realise that there maybe just one or two of you out
there who have not come across this word before. It is pronounced
as follows:- Flossy Nosy Pilification. It means the art of estimating
as being worthless. In other words he told Zoe that she was a
waste of time. I don't think Zoe grasped this as she carried on
the conversation. She told Fred that she didn't think he was being
fair on Ashley by selling the house. She said that they were there
because Ashley wanted them to be there. She had offered to leave
but Ashley wont have it. Ashley would rather move into some grotty
bedsit with her than stay there on his own. Fred is not impressed
with Zoe's plea and tells her he would rather lose Ashley as a
nephew than gain the likes of her as a niece. Zoe mumbles something
like miserableoldb and is interrupted by Fred telling her, 'I'll
have less o'that, Ah say less o'that'. Zoe's departing gesture
is to curse Fred by telling him he will die a sad and lonely old
man.
Our attention is now brought to the Eco Warriors who
are amusing themselves by playing 'I Spy'. Also poking fun at
Les in the process. Les becomes angry and decides on action in
the form of a chain saw. Emily must have succeeded in making Curly
feel guilty as he arrives with a bottle of something, Whisky I
think. Les starts to saw away at the red and white striped post
which is blocking the entrance to the site. The warriors take
this as a sign that he is going to bring in the bulldozer. So,
it's action stations for everyone. Geoffrey tries to get Curly
to climb the tree but Curly protests that he is not dressed to
stay out all night. Emily wastes no time in taking charge of the
situation and in a flash is on her way up the ladder to sit in
the bough of the tree. Amidst loud, wild cheers from her supporters.
Back at the pub Ken tells Alma how Deirdre appreciates
the support of her friends and the generosity of Mike giving surety.
Alma appears none too amused with this morsel of information.
There are two ladders in tonights episode as Jim and
Gary finish work for the day they leave Jack and Vera with no
stair case at all but a ladder installed as their means to climb
the wooden hill to slumberland.
And there the street leaves us. Emily up a tree for
the night supported by the Warriors, Les worried about the part
he has played in the recent events and Vera refusing to climb
her ladder. BTW Jack, appears quite pleased about this. I think
this is because he will get the warm side of the bed for a change.
Well with that I'll take my leave and close by saying
that those who go before me and have taken up the gauntlet to
write these up-dates are nothing less than Saints. As for me,
well somehow I don't think I'm ready for my halo just yet and
so it will be quite some time before I foolishly volunteer my
services again:-)
Yours, ever so Humbly, Denise Harding
Friday 23 January
Red Rec: Dawn breaks at the tree camp. Spider and Emily
have spent the night up a tree; Les has spent the night on the
ground beneath them, and is in a bad mood. The protesters make
it quite clear that they will not be coming down. Emily's fingers
are so cold that she drops her cup of tea, Spider gives her a
comforting pat on the arm.
Des's House: Although Sam is under the impression that
Des is heading for a meeting in Birmingham, he has packed his
A-Z of London. They have a big farewell kiss.
Street: Janice and Toyah set off for the Red Rec -
Janice to check that Les was in fact there all night, not off
with some woman. In the background, Curly knocks at Emily's door.
Toyah informs him that Emily has taken to the trees. Rita joins
the conversation, just to agree with Toyah's criticism of Curly
for not getting involved in the protest.
Rovers: Gary and Jim are working on the stairs. The
place resembles a bomb site! Vera has had to sleep downstairs
on the sofa, and tries to get them to hurry up. She doesn't like
sleeping on her own, and she needs a bath; Jack agrees! Jack agrees
with Jim that he wants them to do a proper job, and if that means
he has to spend a few more nights alone ... well, so be it!
Red Rec: We have the unusual (for Corrie) technique
of the 'camera viewfinder' effect. We are meant to think that
we are watching the filming of a local news report about the 'plucky
pensioner'. Janice and Toyah try to persuade Emily to come down.
Les voices the question on all our minds - how will they manage
the toilet arrangements? Emily wearily tells him if he stays under
her tree he will find out! Roy doles out tea and supplies. Les
eventually gets bad tempered and lunges for the camera, blacking
it out with his hand coming towards it.
Ashley's House: Zoe and Ashley discuss finding somewhere
else to live. Fred lets himself in - to Zoe's disgust. He orders
them to tidy the place up since he will be showing someone round
it later. (Classic dialogue - see award at end.)
Red Rec: The Red Wig comes to lend her support to Emily,
and tries to get her to come down. It has to be said, old Emily
does look a bit frail, sitting on a branch and hugging the tree
trunk. Rita borrows Les's loud hailer and nearly deafens him with
her incompetent usage. Rita's pleas fall on deaf ears as far as
Emily goes - she is staying.
Rovers: Fred wonders why Ken isn't on the protest.
Ken says he has his sights set on a new job and doesn't want to
be branded a trouble maker by the local press. Alma reminds Curly
that the special offer this week is a vegetarian curry. Fred snorts
his disapproval of vegetarian food and those who consume it. Curly
has a brainwave and buys a drink for Fred.
Sunliners: Deirdre (I checked the spelling in the Radio
Times - for those who are interested!) is surprised when Mr Adam
Newbould from head office pays her a visit. They step into her
office, and he gets straight to the point. Deirdre will, he insists,
take some time off. It isn't an option. He brushes aside her protests
that she needs to work in order to hold her head together,
by saying that for the sake of the business they can't risk losing
customer confidence. She gets upset that the company are assuming
her guilt. He stresses that it is just a suspension from duties,
on full pay, at present.
Break
During the adverts, we have a discussion about the
response of Sunliners management to their suspected fraudster.
We decide that they have no alternative to suspending her, really,
since either she is guilty of fraud - in which case you wouldn't
want her managing your shop; or she is guilty of the most extreme
gullibility and naiveté and lack of common sense, again
involving her money - and you still wouldn't want her managing
your shop. In fact, hubby was in favour of her getting sacked
outright, but you don't want to pay too much attention to him.
After all, he is the one who wants to practise euthanasia on
Emily - citing her night up a tree, and previous history of mental
instability.
Sunliners: A furious Deirdre storms out of her office
into the shop and collects her belongings. Mr Newbould attempts
to pacify her. She says she knows that he really wants her to
walk out, but for the moment she will let them continue to pay
her, and she will review her position when the court case is resolved.
Cafe: Fred is eating a sandwich and is most unimpressed
when Zoe and Shannon join him at the table. With astonishing perception,
Zoe observes 'You don't like me, do you?' Fred scowls in reply.
Zoe informs him that she and Ashley are entitled to considerable
rights of tenancy, since Fred gave Ashley a rent book. Fred affects
nonchalance, though when Zoe warns him that it would take months
to evict them, he asks if she is threatening him. 'I prefer to
think of it as informing you of the facts,' she sneers.
Flat 5, somewhere in London: Des knocks the door and
it is answered by Richie Fitzgerald, who is not pleased to see
his visitor. Des, however, forces his way in by reminding Richie
of a small matter of assault and criminal damage.
Red Rec: Spider and Emily have a cuddle - she looks
frozen. Spider gently suggests that she goes down and leave them
to it. She says she thought a lot about Ernest during the night.
(It certainly looks very windy, though it is hard to tell from
the clever camera angles just how far off the ground they might
be.) Below, Curly appears with some free food, but in return he
tries to get his shop mentioned in the press. The flaw in his
plan, however, is the lack of microwaves on the camp. Emily condemns
Curly for his attempt to exploit them.
Richie's Flat: Des tells the hostile husband the reason
for his visit. Richie advises Des to get out while he still can
(I'm not sure if he means the relationship with Sam or his flat).
Shop: Fred cheerfully approaches Ashley and asks him
for the rent book, since they are leaving. Maud and Zoe are on
guard though, and will not allow Ashley to be tricked. Fred realises
the score, so he tells them they may stay in the house, but he
intends to increase the rent to sixty pounds per week. Ashley
is anxious, but Fred - who pays his wages - and Zoe both assure
him he can afford it. Zoe accepts Fred's offer with a satisfied
smile. Maud also smirks at Fred meeting his match.
Red Rec: Les admits to Rita a grudging admiration for
Emily, before he departs home to bed. Rita shows Emily that the
protest has made the front page of the paper. Emily decides that
it is time to get down. To the clicking of camera shutters and
whoops from the protesters she and her handbag descend a ladder.
She says a few words and elicits more cheers from the onlookers.
Ken's House: Ken gets home to find Dreary moodily sitting
at the table. He asks what is wrong and she explodes in a tirade
against Sunliners. Ken says sensible and reasonable things, but
that is not what Deirdre wants to hear.
Rovers: Sam tells Vera that she and Des can't get married
for ages, as Richie would never let her get a divorce, since he
wouldn't want anyone else to have her if he can't. Emily returns
to drink a tequila slammer (for a bet) and informs them that her
eco-warrior nickname was The Black Widow, since she is Spider's
aunt. Janice rushes off home once she hears that Les has left
the site.
Richie's Flat: Des tells Richie that Sam wants a divorce.
Richie drinks heavily from a can of beer and says that Sam puts
up an act, and will in the end, do what she wants. He says one
day Des will see a Sam he doesn't recognise. He does agree to
give her a divorce, but predicts that Des will be sorry. Des has
to get the last word in and asserts that Sam really does love
him and want to marry him, but he doesn't sound entirely convincing.
Credits. Episode written by David Lane
Best dialogue (comic relief): Fred: 'Is that a table
ornament?' (points to soiled nappy bundle) Zoe: 'Yeah - it's poo
pourri!' Fred: 'Very droll. Get it shifted - along with the thing
that laid it!'
Helen
Sunday 25 January
Hi Corrie Watchers!!
It has been a whole month since Christmas now! Only
11 months to go!
Anyway, lets get down to business and see what tonight's
episode has to offer:
House: Nick is eating his breakfast with the two little-un's
when the postman comes. Both he and his half brother rush the
door. Nicky grabs the letter that he wants and pockets it. He
says that it is to do with college.
Street: Alec gets out of a cab and says "keep
the change" (is he going soft) and meets Gail, who is on
her way to work meets him and tells him that the Drear is on bail
and Emily was stuck up a tree.
Rovers: Jack fills Alec on about the little accident
on the stairs. Alec shudders when Jack tells him about the price:
£1400
Phonebox: Nicky finalises the details for the wedding
which is on Friday. He is more concerned about if he will have
to wear a tie.
House: Dreary talks Frankie through her statement.
Cafe: Sir Royston (with a cold) works out that he has
missed exactly 14.4% of his shift. He tells Gail that he will
make it up. Conveniently, when he is supposed to be at the Red
Rec.. Nicky and Leanne are giggling in the corner of the cafe.
When they leave, Roy says: "They seem very close" Gail
replies "No, no. It's just teenage stuff" (but we know
better don't we)
Arcade: Gary goes, against Judy's wishes to the arcade
where he asks Paul if Judy would be able to start working there
again. Paul says that he would love to have Jude back.
Rovers: Sir Royston tells Emily that he is unable to
do his shift as he has to do work at the cafe. Alec asks Emily
about been stuck up a tree, then Des asks the same Question. She
replies in her usual manner; "Mr Barnes...". Des proposes
to Sam over the bar. Vera starts warbling about the ring being
beautiful.
--- BREAK ---
Creme Egg time
(I won't ask you how you eat yours)
Rovers: Vera tells Sam to take the rest of the day
off.
House: Frankie tells the Drear that the evidence is
against her. She says
that Ken could be named as an accessory. "Will
the prosecution believe that anybody could be so stupid?"
House: Nick and Leanne are talking, Toyah starts coming
down the stairs, Leanne & Nicky start talking about Barbados
and Florida. Toyah realises that they have spotted her and storms
out.
Rovers: Jim orders 2 pints and a cheque. Jack writes
the cheque, but when he asks Alec to sign the cheque. He says
"Why should I pay for damage to your living quarters"
Jack, Vera, Jim & Gary are not best pleased.
House: Des is holding Sam's hand. He notices that the
ring isn't there. When he asks her about it. She says that it
is too big. By the expression that she gives, could something
have happened to it?
This Episode was written by Peter Mills
HAMBO
Monday 26 January
Here's interesting - scenes in Corrie are getting
longer. There was a time, recently, when it seemed that each
scene was a maximum of 45 seconds. Now scenes are quite lengthy
again, indeed I doubt if there are more than 15 in this episode.
Anyway, this should make the update a little easier,
fewer scenes to set, and more dialogue to report. I've only really
got an hour for this one, so here goes:
We open in the back parlour of the Rovers where the
Duckies are still arguing the toss with Alec over who is paying
for the repairs to the staircase. Alec insists they have a business
partnership, but the stairs relate to living quarters, so it's
their problem. Vera states that "if you won't pay, we won't
pay", but Alec reminds her that the contract was made between
Jim and the Duckies, Alec was out of the country. Alec warns her
not to cross Jim McDonald - "He can be very physical, you
know, when he's riled, can Big Jim" (Close your eyes and
imagine Alec's facial contortions with this line)
Just then, they hear the door slam. It's obviously
Jim & Gary, so Jack sends Vera out to stall -"Use your
feminine charm..... you can do it, my little stocking top".
Vera, a little flustered, tells Jim that there's a
delay with the cheque because they're waiting for Alec to come
in to sign it. She covers for Jack by saying he has the trots
following excessive consumption of cheese and chocolate brought
back from Switzerland by Alec.
Back in the parlour, Jack insists that now he's got
the trots, he can't be seen in the pub, but Alec insists that
they open at 11am, so Jack will have to work. Of course, as Alec
points out, if Jack signs the cheque he can be seen in public.
Dreary has the hump with Ken, refusing his offer of
a coffee, after his comments the previous night. She's not sure
whether he's still on her side, so she takes herself off for a
day out to get her thoughts together.
Weatherfield's epitome of management style is reprimanding
Supervisor Hayley Patterson for not being stronger with the shop
girls, not putting a stop to their excessive smoking breaks. Curly
is so obnoxious she starts to cry, conveniently as Alma knocks
and comes straight in. He tells her not to be so wet, just to
get on with it. Alma's comment on witnessing this exchange is
"Well, it didn't take you long to enrol in the Mike Baldwin
School of Management, did it?" Curly just smiles, no, smirks.
A scene, just for continuity of idea, follows. Alec
goes in to the back parlour, and instructs Jack to get to the
bar, because it's 11am. Exerting the authority that Hayley wasn't.
Jack, blaming his political attack of the trots, goes off to the
toilet first.
In the bar, the first customers are Jack and Gary,
so they are. Alec comes to serve them, Jim suggests that he might
have been avoiding them. Alec wonders why that should be, ah,
the £1400. He puts Jim right - the contract was with Mr
& Mrs Duckworth, and surely the three of them can come to
an amicable arrangement. Jack arrives, but only to agree with
Jim that Jim wants the money, it doesn't matter who signs the
cheque. Gary wonders where it leaves him, he's got bills to pay,
but Jim says "there's other ways of getting their money,
you trust Uncle Jim".
Judy visits Paul at the Arcade (The very same arcade
that you are encouraged to spend your money in as you exit from
the Motionmaster ride on the Studios Tour.) She tells him that
she didn't send Gary round, she wanted to set the record straight.
Paul is being quite obsequious, and Judy eventually agrees to
go back to work on the understanding that what happened in Paul's
office, in return for £2000 was a one off.
End of Part One
In the cafe, Roy is sneezing over Audreh and Natalie,
who are sharing a table. Gail tries to encourage him to go to
bed, but Roy insists that he'll be the one to determine whether
he is a public health hazard, because he knows his own body. And
anyway, he can't just go to bed and leave Gail to cope on her
own. (Not like when you were being an Eco warrior, Roy?) Gail
insists he can, because her Mother can help her. Ah, sadly, no,
Audreh has an appointment in town for nail extensions by Mandy.
In the Firman's canteen, Alma joins Hayley, and tells
her she was right to try to stand up to Mr Watts, but she should
try to be more assertive. Hayley tells Alma that she admires her
poise, class, elegance, confidence and style. Alma tells her to
"stop selling yourself short, you look wonderful." It's
interesting that Hayley is the only Firman's employee not wearing
the uniform of red open-neck blouse with the pink coat, opting
instead for a roll neck in a rather fetching shade of puce. But
then, male to female transsexuals need to hide the adam's apple,
which the actress hasn't got anyway. Still with me? This conversation
with Alma has done wonders for Hayley's confidence.
Back in the Rovers, the 'Ena/Martha/Minnie triumvirate
for the nineties', Des, Martin and Gary are discussing second
marriages Des), third babies (Martin), etc. Gary, of the latter,
says that he'd be very happy with just the one.
Jack explains to Vera that Jim won't budge, but perhaps
Jim will accept instalments.
Des tells Sam that he can't go with her to the jeweller's,
Sam says she'll go on the bus.
In the cafe, Nick is cleaning tables. Leanne asks if
he'll be doing that when they're married. "Shhhhhh, she'll
hear" he says, of Gail, but she hasn't. Martin comes in to
offer Gail a lift home, but strangely he comes from the toilet
door, not the street door. Leanne & Nick offer to lock up,
but Gail is unsure. Gail acquiesces, and agrees to leave the young
lovers to lock up.
The lights are down, the future Mr & Mrs Tilsley
are discussing the coach journey to Scotland. Leanne seems to
be having very minor second thoughts, but she dismissed these
and says that she doesn't mind trailing all the way to Scotland
as long as they come back as Mr & Mrs Tilsley. Oh dear, Roy
overhears this as he reaches the foot of the stairs in his quest
for fresh lemons. He sneezes, and falls through the door to startle
their embrace. Only Roy could come downstairs, in his dressing
gown, carrying his much loved blue shopping bag!
Dreary arrives back at Ken's, explaining that she's
been to Southport. She wishes she could turn the clock back. But
right now, she's taking Ken to the Rover's for a drink.
In the Rover's, Alma is telling Curly that he owes
Hayley Patterson an apology. She thinks he's bullying her, but
Curly doesn't want to talk shop. "Anyway, you said yourself
she was efficient" says Alma, to which Curly replies "But
it doesn't mean I have to like her".
Des comes in to see Sam, and Audreh wants to see the
ring. Sam admits that she didn't go to collect it from being resized
- perhaps she's getting cold feet?
Ken and Dreary enter the bar, Alec has a quiet 'sorry
to hear about your difficulty with Jon' and gets their drinks
on the house. Audreh butts in here, and pipes up that it must
be a real comedown after the champagne lifestyle. She wants to
know if Dreary's consulted a solicitor? Dreary knows what she
wants to hear, and voices Audreh's thoughts - 'how could she not
have known, how could she be so stupid, etc, that's what you really
wanted to hear, isn't it?' Audreh siezes the moment to tell her
that "it's not just me, there's quite a lot of people around
here who think the same, didn't you ever wonder how he could afford
all that?" Audreh tries to calm things, but Dreary suggests
that they'll get their pleasure by "going to Court to watching
me being crucified." She storms out.
At the foot of the stairs, Jack is negotiating with
Jim to pay in 6 monthly instalments - "our Vera wanted twelve,
but I said, we can't take advantage of the lads like that".
"Very considerate, so it is" (Guess who said that.....?).
Jack thinks he's got agreement, and offers them a drink. Jim then
asks Jack for a set of keys so they can start at 6am the following
day. And Jack has to leave the burglar alarm off as well. Background
music is Chris Rea 'Let's Dance'.
Gary is getting worried about this. 6am start? He's
not up for that. Jim tells him to shut up, it'll be worth his
while, just take his drink, so he should.
Vera condescendingly tells Alec that they have sorted
that little problem and he is to remember not to come running
to them when he needs help. Alec says, with a touch of sarcasm,
that he will bear it in mind.
Back at Ken's, La Drear is trying to pour boiling water
into two teacups, but she is shaking too much. Ken takes over.
Dreary is regretting going to the Rover's, and recognises that
everyone *is* asking how she could have been such an idiot, even
Frankie Stillman. She sees two choices - either convince the Court
that she's a total imbecile or be branded as a thief.
Ken tries to put another perspective on her dilemma.
What if it was really very clever psychology, although Dreary
knew what Jon was doing, he manipulated her into believing it
was OK? "But you didn't fall for it", she says. "I
wasn't in love with him" says Ken. She realises that it was
her need to be loved that got her into all this.
There's a knock at the door, Dreary can't face anybody
so she tells Ken to say she's in the bath.
Briefly back in the Rover's, Judy tells Gary that she's
going back to work at the amusement arcade. He wonders what has
changed her mind, but as she needs a job it's 'better the devil
you know'. Judy looks a bit guilty at the implication of this
phrase.
The visitor to Ken's is Alma, concerned about Dreary
after Audreh's embarrassments in the Rover's. She tells Ken that
everybody is on Dreary's side, they know she didn't do it. But
then Ken admits that he tends to think with Audreh, after hearing
things through and through with Frankie Stillman, with a detached
view he's finding that Dreary's account doesn't add up. He wonders
how he can tell Dreary that after all, he doesn't believe her.
Episode written by Adele Rose.
And not a mention of Katie from Judy!!!
Dewey
Wednesday 28 January
Greetings one and all
Talk about life imitating art! After all that Jon
has been getting away with in Corry recently, I thought that
maybe he'd hit on a rather good idea.
Soooo......I decided I'd have a little go myself.
I realised that I'd have to obtain a pilots uniform so I phoned
all the fancy-dress hire shops in the area. Unfortunately they'd
all run out of pilots uniforms. It seems that pilots uniforms
have been quite popular just recently. I sat and thought for
a while, then I stood and thought, then I sat and thought again.
What could I do? To be thwarted this early in the proceedings
wasn't part of my master plan. Suddenly it came to me in a blinding
flash of genius. I didn't actually need a pilots uniform. No,
all I needed was something that looked like a pilots uniform.
So, after a few minutes spent rummaging through my
wardrobe, I found the very thing, an old blazer, a pair of black
trousers, a peaked cap which used to belong to my dad when he
was a fireman, and some gold braiding 'borrowed' from one of
Mrs Hardings old party frocks.
After a couple of hours I'd sown the braiding on to
the blazer and a bit on the cap for good measure, and I was ready
for anything. I looked at myself in the bedroom mirror. "Yes"
I thought "Now all I need is someone as stupid and gullable
as Deirdre and I'll be sorted". But where would I find such
a person? The airport of course, so off I went.
I got a few funny looks from my neighbours as I walked
to the bus stop in my makeshift pilots uniform. But I always
get funny looks from them, so it didn't bother me too much. I
did feel a bit conspicuous as I waited at the bus stop, especially
when a group of schoolgirls walked past laughing and making obscene
comments about my 'uniform'. But I had biger fish to fry, so
I made myself ignore their taunts.
Eventually the bus arrived and before long I was in
Bradford train station waiting for the train to Manchester airport.
"Is this the train to Leeds?" a little old lady asked
me, "I don't know" I said, "Well you bloody well
should know" she said "you work here don't you?"
I explained that I didn't work here and that I was in fact an
airline pilot "Bloody airline pilot? Don't be bloody daft!"
she laughed "You've made that uniform yourself haven't you?
You've been watching too much Coronation Street you have"
I tried to retain my dignity by ignoring her as she walked away
laughing.
Soon I was on the train and on my way to Manchester.
The journey was uneventful, except for the funny looks the other
passengers gave me. I did my best to ignore the sniggers and
half whispered comments.....
.........and I'll tell you more about it next week........but
for now it's on with the happenings in Coronation Street on Wednesday
28th January 1998.....
It's 6:00am. Jim and Gary quietly let themselves into
the Rovers through the back door. It looks as though they have
plans for Jack and Vera's staircase.
At Ken's house Deirdre is making breakfast. Deirdre
asks Ken what he'll be doing today. "I'll probably spend
the day at the Job Centre with all the other rejects" says
Ken. Deirdre starts to get a bit emotional and tells Ken how pleased
she is that he's there for her "I don't know what I would
do without you" says Deirdre. The look on Ken's face implies
that her faith in him may be misguided, although Deirdre doesn't
seem to notice this.
Back in the Rovers it looks as if Jim and Gary have
been busy. The staircase is no longer there. "What's going
on?" says Jack, standing at the top of where the stairs used
to be in his pyjamas (No...he didn't used to have have a staircase
in his pyjamas...he was......oh, you know what I mean). "Well
it's dead simple so it is Jacko, eh" says Jim "...no
cheque, no staircase" "How we going to get down?"
asks Jack, "Pay't bill" says Gary as he and Jim leave.
Jim and Gary are packing up their things in the van
as Vera leans out of her bedroom window "Ey, your not going
to leave us up here are you?" shouts Vera, Jim replies "I
put your keys through your letterbox" and starts to get into
the van, "Right" says Vera pointing at Jim "You're
barred you, the pair of you...for life...and your families, and
their families, and anybody else that's daft enough to talk to
you...", just then Roy walks past on his way to work, Vera
turns her attention to him "...what you looking at you?......Loony!"
she says. Roy looks a bit confused and continues on his way.
The Battersby's are sat having breakfast. Toyah sneezes,
it seems that she has a cold. "You wouldn't have caught that
cold if you hadn't been up there with them protesters" says
Les, "Aw" says Janice "and I were goin to take
yer to the sales tommorrer an'all. Still if yer ill..." "Am
not ill" says Toyah, "anyway" continues Janice
"I'll not treat yer while yer still hanging around with that
rif-raf, sort that out and I might think about it". Toyah
looks as if she might be considering this as Les says "Oh
look, she's thinking about it. Chance of a new dress and she'd
let 'em dump nuclear waste up there" He looks at Leanne "You're
quiet" he says "It's not like you to stay quiet when
there's shopping sprees on offer", "Well I couldn't
go tomorrow even if I wanted to" says Leanne "Me and
Nick are going to Leeds to see a basketball match" "But
you hate basketball" says Toyah "No I don't says Leanne"
"Yes you do" "No I don't" "Yes you do..."
"Oh shut up" says Les.
Meanwhile back at the Rovers Jack is making a rope
out of sheets. I think he's been watching too many wartime escape
films. "Are you going to stop playing Colditz" says
Vera, "Ave you got any better ideas?" says Jack, "Well"
says Vera "If we had a phone up here we'd be able to phone
for help, but you're too tight to pay for an extension aren't
you?". Just then Jack and Vera hear someone coming in through
the back door, "Ah, they've come back" says Jack "I
knew they'd come back.....Jim is that you?" then they see
that in fact it's only Alec "Oh, it's 'im" says Vera.
"What the blazes....." says Alec "I knew you had
dry rot but I didn't think it was this bad" "Jim McDonald
took 'em" says Jack, "Yes, cos you wouldn't pay 'im"
says Vera, "Loook, it's nothing to do with me" says
Alec. "Never mind all that" says Jack "Just get
me a flamin' ladder so I can get down" "Where is it?"
asks Alec, "It's under the stairs" says Vera, somehow
missing the point slightly, "They're in the living room"
says Jack.
Alec puts the step ladder in place and Jack climbs
down. "Right Vera" says Jack "it's your turn",
"I can't come down there" says Vera "Well use the
sheets then" says Jack "chuck em down". Vera passes
the sheet/rope down to Jack. "Look, it's as safe as houses"
says Jack pulling on the end of the sheet. The sheet comes away
in his hand "Are you trying to kill me?" says Vera.
"Loook" says Alec "stairs or no stairs, we've still
got a pub to run".
In Firmans Freezers Alma is stacking shelves. Hayley
comes up to her, "Oh, hello Hayley" says Alma "I
hope you don't think I'm daft" says Hayley, handing a box
to Alma "but I got you this for what you did yesterday",
Alma smiles and says "Oh you shouldn't have" when she
opens the box and sees what's in it she looks as if she really
wishes that Hayley hadn't, it's an ugly ornament of a house. "Do
you like it?" says Hayley, "Oh yes" says Alma "I
was just wondering where to put it. Thanks anyway...we must go
for a drink sometime" "Ooh, that'd be nice" says
Hayley, "Well I sometimes go to the Rovers on Coronation
Street at lunchtimes....we'll arrange something sometime".
Vera is still stuck upstairs. For some reason which
is not explained she is sitting at the top of where the stairs
used to be. I think I'd have chosen a bedroom to wait in, but
this is Coronation Street, and as we know things in Coronation
Street don't always make sense. So, she sits there waiting, perhaps
she's expecting the stairs to suddenly reappear, but the only
thing which does appear is Jack with a tray of food. "Here's
some soup for you" says Jack, Vera looks at the tray and
notices that along with the bowl of soup there's a loaf of bread
and a tub of margarine "Ere, don't think I can eat all that
bread" she says, "Ah well" says Jack "you
can't stop working just cos you're stuck up here, we're short
staffed. Get that lot buttered, it'll save us a bit of time on
the sandwiches".
Sat at the corner table in the Rovers are Ken and Alma.
"So, what are you going to do?" says Alma, "I don't
know" says Ken "I just keep putting it off, something
I'm very good at" "You can't just leave it" says
Alma, "I know" says Ken "but I'm the one thing
that's holding her together, she said it again this morning",
"Yes, but she needs to know where she stands" says Alma
"if you can't vouch for her a hundred percent you need to
tell her, and the sooner the better". As Ken considers this
Hayley comes in to the pub and straight over to Alma, "Hello,
you said you came in here sometimes" says Hayley. Alma introduces
Hayley to Ken. Alma seems slightly uncomfortable with Hayley,
I suppose its because she doesn't know her very well, and Hayley
does seem a little odd, something like a female version of Roy
in fact. Ken gets up to leave and Alma goes to the bar to buy
drinks for her and Hayley. Hayley sits down and looks around the
pub with a look of wonder on her face.
Over at the other side of the pub Des and Samantha
are enjoying a quiet drink when Maude whizzes up to them in her
wheelchair. "I hear congratulations are in order" says
Maude "When's the happy day?" "Oh not for a long
time" says Sam "we've got a lot to sort out yet",
"Well don't you rush into it" says Maude "Y'know
what they say, Marry in haste and repent at leisure" and
away she whizzes across the pub, leaving Des and Sam to talk.
"Have you seen your solicitor yet?" asks Des, "Give
me a chance" says Sam impatiently "I'll get round to
it".
Back at Ken's house Ken is making lunch for him and
Deirdre. "Are you sure you don't mind me having lunch here?"
says Deirdre "I don't want to intrude on your space too much".
Ken is being a bit quiet, "There's nothing wrong is there?"
says Deirdre "No" says Ken, but then after a moments
thought he continues "Well.....actually there was something
I wanted to say" "I knew it" says Deirdre, "No
it's not what you think" says Ken quickly "It's just
that, on reflection, I find it hard to believe that you never
suspected anything, y'know...the big house, the gold card, did
you never once think that this is too good to be true?" "Well
yes" says Deirdre "course I thought it, I thought it
loads of times, but I also thought why shouldn't I have some good
fortune for a change" "Because you knew he was a liar"
says Ken "look I know you Deirdre, I can't believe you could
be that obtuse" "Oh, well it makes a change from stupid"
says Deirdre, "But think about it........" says Ken
"You're saying I'm guilty aren't you?" interrupts Deirdre
"No" says Ken "it's not black and white like that"
"Why are you saying this?" says Deirdre "Look"
says Ken "when I agreed to lie for you last October, I said
I'd never do it again. Now if I go into the witness box and swear
on oath that I believe you never knew or suspected anything........that
would be another lie. I'm sorry but I can't do it". Deirdre
doesn't say much, she just stands there gurning.
Then it's the adverts
Buy this buy that spend spend spend
And now.....back to the show......
In the Rovers Jack seems to be enjoying his freedom.
He's chatting pleasantly to a young attractive female customer
in a way that he couldn't if Vera was breathing down his neck.
In the background we hear Vera shouting "Jaaaack, when are
you going to get me down?" Natalie goes up to Jack and says
"You're enjoying this aren't you?" "What makes
you think that?" says Jack "It's a bit like a football
match this int it, when you're a man down and you've all got to
pull together" he looks lecherously at Natalies bust and
continues "It makes you notice each others finer points"
"Yes..." says Natalie "...and weaknesses, but don't
worry Jack.." she licks her lips seductively "....my
lips are sealed". Poor old Jack is somewhat taken aback,
he doesn't have an answer for that.
Over in the corner Audrey has joined Alma and Hayley.
"So what do you do in your spare time?" asks Audrey,
"Oooh...nothing much really" says Hayley "I enjoy
reading, I used to have a pen-friend in Wales...but...we lost
touch". Alma smiles nervously, she obviously wishes she hadn't
encouraged Hayley. Audrey just smiles and says "Well, if
I worked in freezers I'd be out every night warming myself up"
"Oh" says Hayley "We get gloves for handling the
produce, and there's also padded jackets if we want them, so we
don't get cold" Audrey joins Alma in smiling nervously and
says "Ah....well....". Hayley gets up to go to the bar
"It's two gin and tonics isn't it?" she asks "Oh,
yes please" says Alma. When Hayley is at the bar Audrey turns
to Alma and says "Well there's a long glass of water if ever
I saw one" "Oh come on" says Alma "she's all
right, don't you go upsetting her" "Don't you go overdoing
your Miss Kindly bit" says Audrey "You'll be making
a rod for your own back if you're not careful". The expression
on Alma's face says that she's been thinking the same thing.
Back at Ken's they're still arguing. "Well if
you don't believe me what hope is there?" shouts Deirdre,
"Look" says Ken "I'm not saying you plotted anything.."
"I think colluded is the right word" says Deirdre, "Not
even that" says Ken, "Well it's what they'll call it
if they hear what you've just said" says Deirdre, "If
anything" says Ken "it'll strengthen your case"
"How do you make that out?" asks a frantic Deirdre,
"Well no-one's going to believe that you knew nothing"
says Ken "but if they thought that you had an inkling, but
were scared of losing him, that's more credible" "You've
not lost it have you?" says Deirdre, "What?" asks
Ken, "Your knack for mental acrobatics. When number one's
in danger you have a marvellous way with the truth", "It's
the truth I'm trying to get at" says Ken "The police
are wrong, but your version doesn't add up either", Ken sighs
"Oh, if only they would find Jon" "Yes" says
Deirdre "but until they do I'm number one in the frame, now
more than ever thanks to you".
Gail is cleaning up in the cafe as Nick and Leanne
come in. "Mum, is it all right if we go to Leeds tomorrow?"
says Nick, "You're asking my permission?" says a surprised
Gail "You're being very accommodating all of a sudden, Leanne
helping yesterday, this today....there's nothing I should know
about is there?" "I don't know what you mean" says
Nick, "Well have you been chucked out of college or something?"
says Gail "No way" says Nick "That's why I want
to go to Leeds, there's a basketball match I have to see, I'm
doing about basketball at college" "All right"
says Gail "Go...have a nice time"
Des arrives home at tea-time. Sam is setting the table.
"I've got something for you" says Des, "Oh, sounds
nice" says Sam smiling "what is it?" "It's
your divorce papers" says Des, Sam stops smiling "Des
I'm not a child, I can sort out my own affairs, amazingly enough.
Do you know how insulting this is?" "I'm sorry"
says Des "I didn't mean it like that" "Well how
did you expect me to take it?" "I just thought a gentle
shove would help that's all...you do want a divorce don't you?"
Des looks unsure "Course I do" says Sam, "Well
what's wrong then" asks Des "I'm just used to doing
everything for myself, I'm going to have to get used to sharing.
You might have to be patient" says Sam, Des kisses her and
says "I'm getting used to it".
Gail and Martin are sat at a table in the Rovers. "Nick
and Leanne are being suspiciously good lately" says Gail,
"They've calmed down a lot since that trip to Scotland"
says Martin "Maybe they sorted a few things out up there.
If couples our age can go away to sort out their differences....why
not teenagers?" "I suppose so" says Gail "I
just hope you're right".
Over at the bar Fred is trying to help Jack with ideas
about how to get Vera down, "You could rig up a pulley, its
how they do it int' slaughterhouse with carcasses" "No
Fred, I don't think so" says Jack. In the background we hear
Vera shouting for Jack to bring her something to eat, Alec rushes
up to Jack "For goodness sake Jack" he says "can't
you shut the woman up? She'll be turning th'ale" "Get
'er to jump" says Les "Aye" agrees Fred "from
the landing, it's not far, stick a safety net or summat underneath",
"What d'yer think it is? Billy Smarts?" says Jack, "It's
not a bad idea" says Alec "But what's the point?"
says Jack "The day's nearly done. We'd just get her down
in time to shove her back up for bedtime". "Have yer
got anything she could jump into?" asks Les "Well I
haven't" says Alec "...but Jack has......."
Nick and Leanne are standing in an alleyway looking
at their wedding rings. "When I'm rich I'm going to buy you
a really expensive one" says Nick "I'll still love this
one though" says Leanne "I'll love it forever"
(Ah...the foolishness of youth) "Is it really going to happen?"
says Leanne "Yes" says Nick "this time tomorrow
we'll have been married for four hours"
"We've come to get you down" shouts Fred
to Vera in his best 'Hallo little budgie' voice "Oh Fred"
says Vera "I'll never forget this, you're a diamond. How
are you going to get me down?". Just then Jack and Alec come
in carrying the tarpaulin from Jacks pigeon loft "What's
that for?" says Vera, "It's for you to jump into"
says Alec, "Ey!?!" shrieks Vera "What? You'd risk
my neck instead of paying a few lousy quid?" "I don't
know what else to do Vera, I've run out of ideas" says Jack,
"Right" says Vera pointing at Alec "get that woodlouse
to cough up!". "It's only a few feet" says Fred,
"And Martin's in the bar in case owt goes wrong" chips
in Les. "Pass me that ladder up" says Vera " I
want to check it", Jack passes the ladder to Vera, she takes
the ladder and says "Right, if you're happy for me to stop
up here I'm happy for you to stop down there. You can doss down
on that settee" "But I've got no bedding" says
Jack "Well you can use your tarpaulin" says Vera, "But
it's full of bird muck" says Jack, "Yes" says Vera
"It was good enough for me to jump into, so it's good enough
for you to sleep under"
Ken has been out. He gets home to find Deirdre putting
on her coat. She has her suitcase packed, and a taxi waiting outside.
"What's going on?" asks Ken, "I'm going to me mothers"
says Deirdre, "Not because of what I said?" says Ken,
"What d'you think?" says Deirdre, "Oh but that's
ridiculous" says Ken, "I'm not living off a man who
thinks I'm guilty" says Deirdre, "I didn't say that"
says Ken, "As good as" says Deirdre "Why do you
exaggerate?" says Ken, "Oh I know" says Deirdre
"It's all shades of grey to you isn't it? Trouble is I don't
have your subtlety Ken, in my book people either believe in you
or they don't", "But you can't go" says Ken "this
is your bail address" "I rang Frankie" says Deirdre
"it's no big deal to change it, she's going to sort it out",
"Oh Deirdre please...." says Ken "It's no good
Ken" says Deirdre "I need your total support or nothing.
You're entitled to your reservations, but don't expect me to stay.
I'll see you at the trial" and with that she picks up her
case and goes out to the waiting taxi.
And that's it for another Wednesday. Not the best episode
I've ever seen, but not the worst either.
So, until next week I'll say...
Bye for now - Ian Harding
Friday 30 January
Gail's House: Nick prepares to leave for 'the basketball
match' and Gail clucks because he hasn't eaten breakfast. Martin
gives Nick some spending money and warns him not to be too late.
Les' House: Janice squeezes her blackheads in front
of the mirror, and shouts up the stairs at Toyah. Consequently
she barely pays any attention to Leanne, who leaves with a large
holdall, shouting behind her that she will be late home.
Street: The two young lovers meet up, and Leanne promises
him something special later.
Des's House: An eager Des would like to announce the
engagement to their parents. Sam is most unimpressed with this
idea, saying she isn't used to the idea herself yet. Des puts
on a poor display of cheerful acceptance and agrees to wait until
it is right for her.
Rovers: Jack has spent an uncomfortable night downstairs.
Vera says that since Jack hasn't been able to persuade Alec to
help, then she will have to resort to singing. Jack's face warns
us that this will not be pleasant.
Ken's House: Emily provides a listening ear as Ken
confesses that he feels very disloyal to Deirdre. Emily understands,
but wouldn't want him to have lied in court. Ken's opinion is
that Deirdre is close to cracking up, so Emily urges him to phone
Deirdre's mother and check how she is. Ken realises he has forgotten
to ask how the protest is going. Emily says a night up a tree
has made her appreciate her home.
Firman's shop: Alma is busy at the check-out when Hayley
eagerly tells her that they are both on the same lunch hour: 1
- 2 pm; she suggests they go to the Rovers again. Alma apologises,
saying she is meeting Mike for a sandwich in the cafe. Hayley
knows all about it - Roy's Rolls, that Alma used to run with Gail,
Audrey's daughter. She asks if Alma will mind not having alcohol.
Alma is shocked at the question and wonders if Hayley thinks she
has a drink problem. This sends Hayley into a tizzy of apologies
and she scuttles off.
'The Saltire': a Pub, near the register office: Nick
is impressed when Leanne emerges in a floor length silver-grey
figure hugging dress. She has her hair up, and a tiara, long earrings
and a necklace. She boasts that the dress is worth a hundred pounds,
but she stole it from a shop in Manchester. Nick is unhappy at
this, saying he wanted them to be beyond criticism. Leanne quickly
says she was winding him up and that actually she borrowed the
dress from a girlfriend. He believes her and tells her not to
say anything like that again. Nick then accosts an old couple
in the street and asks them to be their witnesses.
Roy's Cafe: Roy asks Gail if Nick got off to Leeds
OK, or was there a change in the plans? Gail doesn't notice Roy's
consternation as she cheerfully informs him that Nick is so considerate
these days. Ken calls in and sees Alma and Audrey talking. Audrey
enquires after Deirdre and Ken rewards her with the information
that Deirdre is now at her mother's. Audrey has a lot of questions
still, but Alma shuts her up. Ken retreats with a cup of tea and
a newspaper. Alma's heart sinks as Hayley enters and joins them.
Audrey makes it clear that she is not welcome and Hayley scurries
out.
Register Office: The lady registrar calls them in,
but Nick and Leanne pause outside the room for a few words of
reassurance. Leanne seems nervous but Nick can't wipe a stupid
grin off his face.
Rovers: Vera sings (squawks) 'I'll build a stairway
to paradise ....... with a new step every day ....' in competition
with a very loud jukebox. Jack brings her some soup and says her
tactics aren't working, as Alec simply increases the volume downstairs.
Vera knocks the tray and spills tomato soup all over Jack, the
walls and the floor. In the bar, Emily and Ken have to shout to
be heard over the music. Ken says he has phoned Deirdre, but she
was very guarded, though he has shown his concern. Vera has had
enough of being stuck and gets Natalie to pass her the phone;
she summons the fire brigade.
Register Office: Nicholas Paul Tilsley and Leanne Anika
Battersby exchange their vows and their rings. She looks quite
pretty, but as for him - he just grins stupidly - but I've said
that before, haven't I? Well, it's his happy expression.
----------------------- Break ----------------------
Street: Vera (and her stunt double) descend the ladder
helped by a fireman, from the front windows of the pub into the
street. A crowd of the pub staff and customers look on. The chief
fire officer moans at Jack for wasting their time.
Register Office: The certificate is signed, congratulations
are exchanged and Mr and Mrs Tilsley begin their married life.
Nick has booked a hotel room for them as a surprise.
Les's House: Janice is ironing on her afternoon off
when Les gets home from work, knackered. His wife has naughty
on her mind, though, and shows him a pair of red and black underpants,
suggesting he try them on for size. Les retreats to the pub, and
warns her that when he gets home he will be going for a sleep
- alone.
Cafe: Jim and Gary (wearing the hat) listen in amusement
as Audrey recounts the tale of Vera's exit from the pub. Gail
is alerted to the fact that Roy's mind is elsewhere when she sees
he is frying a scone. He blames Audrey. Vera arrives in search
of Jim. She hands over a cheque, from their personal account,
and Gary and Jim agree to fix the stairs right away.
Firmans Office: Alma approaches Hayley at her desk
and invites her to go round for a drink at the weekend. Hayley
is surprised and delighted.
Rovers: The stairs are being returned. Jack is upset
that Vera didn't put up more of a fight. Natalie asks Sam if anything
is wrong, since she seems subdued about the engagement. Sam avoids
answering.
Hotel: Nick and Leanne enjoy a post-coital bottle of
cider and box of chocolates. Leanne wants to tell everyone but
Nick persuades her that he must pick the right moment to tell
Gail. Leanne agrees to keep it secret for the time being.
Gail's House: Audrey has been watching telly with Gail
and Martin when they realise it is 10:45 and Nick is not home.
Martin gets ready to drive Audrey home and Gail worries about
her son.
Rovers: The stairs are finished, and Vera warns Alec
not to go near them as they are private property. Jim appears
to have a new nickname for Gary - he calls him Scooby. Des asks
Sam if they can have an engagement party, but she testily replies
she is too tired to discuss it. Then he wants to know if she has
filled in the divorce papers, and she says she has.
Street: Nick and Leanne get out of a taxi and reflect
on their amazing day. They remove their rings and each go home.
Credits. Episode written by Maureen Chadwick
Helen
Written by Peter
Dewhirst, Ian Harding,
Helen Johns and Hambo
