Monday 15 January

Steve/Vicky

The episode begins with Steve and Vicky preparing for Steve's court case. Mercifully he has shaved, and his hair appears to be under control for most of the episode. He still makes me shudder every time I look at him though. Vicky's uncle is going to represent Steve; there is the usual tension before and during the case. All the McDonalds are present and neatly dressed in suits. The chap who accused Steve of knowingly buying stolen goods goes up first, and at the end of his case says that he wants to make a fresh break and that he lied about Steve knowing anything about stolen goods. As a result of this, Steve's case is dropped, much to the joy of the McDonalds. Afterwards, Vicky pops into the toilet and gives the remaining payoff, £3000 I think to the chap's wife/sister?

The detective in charge of Steve's case tells him that they'll meet again and next time Steve won't be so lucky. Later there are celebrations in the Rovers: Vicky's uncle knows that something is up and warns her that she is an accessory to perverting the course of natural justice etc.

Fiona congratulates Steve on getting off and buys him a drink, while Vicky sits in a corner looking very worried.

Trish

Poor Trish: no money and heaps of bills. The episode starts with her asking Dreary if she knows of any jobs going. Dreary doesn't, so Trish storms off. Later she pops into the Kabin and asks Rita if there are any jobs going. Rita suggests that she buys a couple of newspapers with advertisments in them but when it transpires that this will cost 80p, Trish is horrified and says that those jobs are all for computers anyway, so instead she'll have a scratch card. She is so desparate that she actually rubs out the card in the shop, and loses of course, before storming out. I hope the Conservative Party were watching. When Coronation Street starts to tackle series social issues like poverty then the country *must* be in trouble.

Later Trish tells Jamie to go out because she has a man coming over later on. At this point I was screaming - the writers had gone just too far. But as she finishes the final touches to her hair and makeup, we realise that her gentleman caller is only Baldwin. "What's up?" he asks. "Well this is more of a social visit I thought," she says, trying to look seductive. She then explains that she has no money and that she needs his help and it could be "fun". Baldwin is not impressed. "I've never had to pay for it, and I'm not going to start. I should throw you on the streets where you belong!" He walks out. "What else can I do?" cries Trish, alone, humiliated, and still broke.

Awards:

Best costume award: Vera who appears in two great ones. As char-lady at the beginning, complete with headscarf, while at the end she is "Landlady" and sports a bright green jacket, with matching(?) huge white circular ear-rings which have to be seen to be believed.

Best acting: Trish. They actually made her look quite pretty at the end. And the scratch card scene was excellent. She manages to make this character almost sympathetic which is not an easy job.

(there was some other sub-plot involving Denise's sister but you don't really want to know about that, do you?)


Wednesday 17 January


McDonalds

Not much happening here. Steve offers to buy drinks at the Rovers and Andy jokes that he shouldn't have any more left after bribing the judge. Then Liz pulls Vicky to one side and thanks her for "believing" in Steve, and that she had him down as guilty, and that she was wrong. All of this is distressing for Vicky who knows he *is* guilty.

Vera/Jack

Jack is seen in the back room with a horrible holed and stained vest on. Vera is disdainful and tells him that she always makes an effort to look nice (?) behind the bar and so should he. She ropes Maxine into giving him a haircut. Jack flirts with her lightly, and then they march back to the Rovers, Jack wearing a new? suit with a big white scarf. Vera is not impressed though. "I don't blame you Maxine, even Michael-de-thingy would have had a job on with him." Jack goes to the back room to put his vest on.

Trish

More misery is in store for Weatherfield's most notorious single parent mum. No more scratch cards for Trish this week: she decides to go looking for jobs in newspapers instead. However, she spends the first half of this episode getting digs at Ken for not giving Jamie a lift home, and not being in school. Mike tells Trish to get off the streets as she lowers the tone of the place, and that is a difficult thing to do round here. Later Ken has a call from the Police who are looking for Trish. They want to take her to prison for not paying a tv licence fine and not turning up in court. Ken finds her in the Rovers and makes her come outside where the Police get her. Trish blames Ken and shouts "You're a sneak!" etc... Ken then tries to get Jamie put into a good foster home.

Ken/Denise/Scottish Accountant Man (large spoiler - be warned)

Scottish Accountant calls to see Denise, who won't let him in at first. He tells her that he loves her and that should make a difference now: she argues with him, and says that her life is with Ken and the baby. It's all very dramatic and her face goes red and horrid. Ken comes in halfway through this conversation, and listens at the door. However, he thinks that Scottish Accountant is only confiding in Denise about his own marital problems. "That's enough!" says Ken. "Can't you see what this is doing to Denise. You and your wife and this other woman will have to sort out your problems alone."
"But I'm afraid that Denise is, how did you put it?..the other woman Ken," gloats Scottish man. Groans from Denise. Ken goes psycho and pins Scottish man against the front door, he looks as if he will hit him, but makes him leave. Denise wails "Ken, I love you," but he says "Get out before I kill (kill!) you!" so she staggers into the street. More moaning. Close-up on Ken, sitting on the staircase, looking stunned. But all I could think about was how dull the wallpaper behind him was.

Awards:

Best actress: Denise. It was not pretty watching that makeup running down her red face, or listening to those squawks and moans, but she showed us what true melodrama was all about.

Best prop: Jack's vest. We couldn't work out if those stains were tea or dried sweat. Anybody know?


Friday 19 January

Dreary/Jamie.

Jamie turns up at Dreary's "apartment" to say that he has run away from his foster-home because the lady makes him read a big thick book. Dreary tries to get him to go back there, but Jamie says that he will run away to Manchester and live in a street corner. "OK" relents Drear, "You can stay tonight, as long as you promise to go back in the morning." We never see her ring the foster-parents. Really Dreary! I know you're missing Samir but....

Denise/Ken/Brian/Sister

As this is (probably) Denise's last episode she has developed a 'new' style of acting which involves her quivering a lot, looking aimlessly at something off-screen, and smiling nervously to show that she is on the verge of tears. Ken arrives at the Kabin and Rita unwisely asks about wedding presents, however Ken is too much a gentleman to bite her head off, and just tells her that they'd like whatever she gets. He is in a "state" - unshaven, and with a permanent grimance. Denise comes back and tries to make up but Ken is having none of it and says that the wedding is off, and he intends to fight a bitter custody battle over their baby, and she is not a fit mother etc. She stumbles back to the salon, where Fiona finds her, but Denise says she is fine and broods alone.

Denise's sister arrives at Ken's, in a panic because Brian has been out all night. She doesn't know that Denise is the "other woman", but in a scene we don't see Ken tells her eveything and she arrives at the salon to have it out with Denise (upstairs). During this fight, she gets to say one of the best, bitchiest lines of the show: "At one point I thought he was having an affair with one of those *pretty* *young* girls downstairs..." She walks out.

Next, Brian appears and says he still loves Denise, and they should go off together and start a new life. Denise is at first reluctant, but finally agrees. She goes back to Ken and says she is going, and she doesn't want the baby. "I can give him all the love in the world, but I cannot give him security. You're right Ken, I'm not a fit mother. Please take him from me before I change my mind!" And then she is gone in a car with Brian, the music swells etc..

Awards:

Best actress: I'm loathe to say Denise again, but she out-acted everyone one more time. Will the way be clear for Ken and Dreary? Maybe they could adopt Jamie while Trash, sorry Trish wallows in prison?

Worst prop: Rita's wig. I've just realised; it's just too big and too red. How DARE she!


Monday 22 January

One of those weird episodes where after a big dramatic incident (the Denise thing) new story-lines are introduced, and characters who have been a bit quiet of late come back:

Drear/Jamie/Cropper

It is the next morning and Jamie stayed in Drear's house all night. Drear phones the police to inform them of his whereabouts. "I'll not go back, if you make me I'll perform, that's what me mam calls it," protests Jamie. Roy Cropper calls in and says that the police were looking for Dreary last night but he told them she was away. Dreary is at first suspicious, then grateful.

A social worker and police-woman barge in. Jamie sulks but says that he spent last night next door in the empty flat so that Drear doesn't get into trouble. He then tells the social worker that he wants to stay with Dreary. The social worker arranges it so this can happen. "We're on your side Jamie." How comforting.

Maud/Phyllis

Maud (wearing a splendid tea-cosy) gets Phyllis in the back of the shop to read her tea leaves. She sees a "bridge" and that Phyllis has to cross it and that the man of her dreams will be hers for the taking. "For the taking!" she intones again solemnly. Phyllis is very excited and tells Des about it all later. "When are you going to pop the question to Percy?" he asks. "Tomorrow, when I'm wearing me good corsets," she says.

BUT!

Later Sally is discussing the tea leaves with Maud and it transpires that Maud actually read her *own* fortune, not Phyllis' after all.

Andy McDonald/Curly/Maxine

Andy is propped up against the bar feeling lonely so Curly advises him to seize the moment, and get himself riled up and go and ask Maxine out on a date. So some time later he appears in the hair-dressers and asks her. She is bewildered at first, then disregards him when she sees a woman going into Ken's house. Andy is left alone, ignored and humiliated.

Alf/Audrey/Gail

Audrey is excited because she has had a letter from her son from "Down Under" and he is now quite respectable and is coming to visit. She makes a big fuss about it, to the point of annoying Gail and Alf. There is a lot of talk from Alf about illigitimacy, and how Audrey had this child and it was all a big scandal at the time etc etc. At least the writers are giving the Nicky Platt character a rest for a while.

Ken

Ken takes the day off work to pull himself together. The headmistress of the school calls round to offer consolation, but warns Ken that keeping a full-time job, and coping with the responsibilities of fatherhood alone are not an easy thing. (Especially since Ken sent his first two kids up to Scotland, and has made a mess of Tracy). Fiona calls in to ask about Denise, but Ken is paranoid and thinks that Fiona was helping Denise with the affair and she is only there to gloat. He is very rude to her and shooes her out. The door slams, the baby starts to cry offscreen. Ken looks very harrassed. Credits....

Awards:

Best actress: Mystic Maud. I see what you all mean about those hats now.

Most unbelievable moment: Dreary after finding out that she is going to look after Jamie for the rest of the week. As the police+social worker left I was waiting for a huge patented Dreary grimace to break out across her face. It didn't really happen. How dare they!


Wednesday 24 January

No less than 5 story-lines are being developed at the moment. How confusing for the simple viewer.

Ken/Alma/Mike/Hairdressers/etc

Ken asks Gail for the name of a babysitter, but when he telephones her, there is a waiting list, so it looks like he'll have to put up with that screaming child for a few more days. Maxine intends to ask Denise for a raise, but Fiona tells her that where and why Denise has left. Maxine is at first unbelieving, then furious "I hate her! What about us, what about my job, what about me!" Fiona says (for the 100th time) "we'll keep the shop running as usual and take our wages out of the takings".

Alma comes in for a haircut, and only wants Denise, so the girls tell her (again offscreen), so Alma calls to see Ken who starts railing against Denise and custody battles etc. Alma tries to calm him. Much later Brian's wife appears, in a state of strained hys- she implores Ken to "take Denise back. Otherwise she'll take the baby. They're a package Ken. Then Brian will come back to me." Ken refuses to go along with this insanity, and so she leaves, screaming abuse. Mike Baldwin pulls up in his car and hears everything and shoots a look of amused triumph Ken's way. He tells Alma about it in the Rovers who pulls one of those "Why do I love him?" faces.

Audrey/Alf

The "nice" sitting room. Audrey is ignoring Alf because of his reaction to her son coming across from Canada. "Nothing any good came out of Canada for this house-hold" mutters Alf (do you hear this Canadians?) Audrey starts to weep, and there is more smeared make-up. A lengthy explanation about how "they took my baby from me and made me adopt him, I missed him growing up, now I have a chance to see him again..." from Audrey and Alf relents and says her son can stay with them. I couldn't tell if Audrey was acting upset, or the actress was acting upset. It was very un-Audreyish behaviour.

Maud/Phyllis/Percy.

Maud requires an "audience" with Percy and he is ushered into the back of the shop by Sally. "Ee this is the hardest thing I've ever done," complains Maud. "Once you asked me to marry you. If you changed your mind we'd be waiting forever for you to tell me, and at our time of life we have to get on with things. It's Leap Year, I'm asking you to marry me Percy!" Percy is "flummoxed" and leaves to think about it.

Phyllis is in the pub, also preparing herself to pop the question. Percy enters, She gets straight to the point. "How about it, marriage, Percy? It's a leap year." Percy thinks that Maud and Phyllis have arranged it all as a joke and leave, furious. Des asks Phyllis is Percy said yes. "Well he didn't say yes and he didn't say no," she muses.

Percy goes back to Maud. "I thought you were genuine!" More shouting. Later Phyllis and Maud commiserate over a pint. "We both can't have him," says Maud. Phyllis replies - see best line below...

Rackle/Curly/Anne

Rackle is excited because they are holding a dinner party on Friday in order to do some matchmaking between Andy and Anne. Curly is reluctant, but asks Anne to their house, who is very excited because it will give her a chance to examine Curly's soft furnishings etc... Rackle is later confused about what to cook. Betty suggests making a stew. "You can't make a stew for a dinner-party," says Rackle. "Yes you can," Betty tells her. "Just call it a casserole." How wise.

Liz/Jim/John (the sex-pest bookmaker person.)

Liz is soon to go and help her mother move house to Southport. Things are suspiciously normal with the McDonalds until Jim notices that the bookies has a new woman serving. "They sacked Liz because they were short-staffed," he mumbles. The cogs in his brain start to work and he realises that something is wrong. Later John and the new woman appear in the Rovers. Jim confronts John about her. "Is she your girlfriend?" he asks. "No, but that wouldn't be such a bad idea," sleazes John. "You want to look closer to home. Liz was sacked because of a personal matter - I don't mind what they do in their own time, but not my time." Jim slinks back to his seat, even more puzzled, although now extremely suspicous. He looks over to Liz, chatting to a couple of male punters. She is wearing a very Liz-like red top. Credits....

Awards:

Best acting: Percy managed to get through all that shouting without fluffing his lines (much). Maybe those revolutionary drugs are working after all?

Best line: "Maybe we could cut the cards for him?" Phyllis, on who's going to end up with Percy.


Friday 26 January

Jim/Liz

Jim questions Liz about Skinner's "Liz left for personal reasons" claim, but Liz manages to shrug it off not very effectively. Later Jim bursts back into the house and says that he has been going mad thinking about it. He says he will not lose his temper (!) but she must tell him why she left the bookies. Liz admits that it was because of Des, that she didn't have an affair with him, but she could have if she had stayed and that they "fancied" each other. Jim does lose his temper and starts shouting and being sarcastic. Liz tells him that she is sick of the cycle of their marriage "We 'ave a bust-up and then we get back together!" But "I walked out because I want to stay in this marriage." Surprisingly Jim does not kill her then himself, but remains on the brink of volcanic instability for the remainder of the episode. Especially at the end when Des appears in the Rovers and "eye" Liz. And if another episode ends with a character sitting miserably in the Rovers, brooding silently, I will start a letter writing campaign.

Trish/Jamie/Dreary

It's is the day of Trish's release and Jamie is excited. Bill Webster takes Jamie to the prison, where Trish is let out. "Mam! Mam!" he shouts and runs towards her. She is overjoyed and there is a heart-rending reunion. Later Trish (with wetted hair) tells Dreary that it was a horrible experience. "It wasn't so much being in prison though that was bad enough, but it was knowing that I'd reached the lowest of the low." "Some of those women were just sad women, done down by men, but others were really *evil* bitches." The scene ends with Trish collapsing into Dreary's arms, sobbing.

Alf/Audrey/Fred?(butcher guy)

Audrey is in the Rovers drinking with Fred and there is the usual flirting etc. Alf buys him a drink and then they start discussing Audrey's son who is going to visit. Fred is confused about Audrey's husband so she tells a pack of lies about how one husband had silver side-burns and was a whizz with money but died leaving her penniless. Alf warns her that people are going to start asking questions and she had better be careful, but Audrey is warmed through with her double gin and the thought of her son coming.

Rackle/Curly/Anne/Andy

The dinner-party at Rackle and Curly's. Andy and Anne do not get off to a very good start. Anne uses "person" instead of "man/woman" and Andy says "oh you're not one of those are you?" which doesn't go down well. Halfway through the evening, Anne and Andy are left alone on opposite sides of the sofa, ignoring each other. Then Anne berates Andy for leaving Bettabuys and going to University.

Rackle spends the evening trying to soothe everything, even at the expense of herself. Anne talks about books and Rackle says she loves a good Jilly Cooper, but Anne likes Austen and Bronte. Maybe she is Emily Bishop's niece? Curly asks Andy to speak in Jane Austen speak as if he loved someone, and Andy comes out with "I would be exceedingly grateful if you could be so kind as...etc" and even Anne is impressed, so maybe they will have a relationship after all.

Awards

Best line: Trish "I'm going to go and have a bubble bath so I can feel like a woman again." !! What on earth does *that* mean?

Best actor: Jamie. The hopes and fears of a whole generation of child-actors are pinned on this new "star", with his own special line-delivery and "technique". Sarah-Lou and Nicky - your days are numbered!


Monday 29 January

Maud/Maureen

Maud is helped into the corner shop by Bill, but Dreary goes in first and realises that *horror* the shop has been broken into (this means that about 3 cans have been kicked off the shelves). Maureen starts shaking, but is determined not to be beaten by the burglars: "In the war we put up a sign that said business as usual". You get the idea. Maureen arrives back (is that a new hairstyle Mau'?) and receives blame from Maud for leaving an (evil) "old woman" alone so that she couldn't turn on the burglar alarm. In the ensuing violence, it turns out that the customer at the till was in fact intending to buy the whole shop, but is now put off by the robbery and mother-daughter squabbling. Later, Percy comforts Maud and takes her to Alma's for a bacon butty or something.

Audrey/Gail/Alf/Stephen

Audrey is now in a state of matronly hysteria because her son is arriving today. She tries in vain to get Alf, then Gail to accompany her to the airport, but in the end she has to go alone. She waits, and while doing her make-up at arrivals, a "striking" blonde man walks past with a woman. Audrey misses him, but then we hear "Steeeeeeeppppphhheeennn!" and she literally hurls herself at him, knocking him backwards.

The lady he is with is a business associate, they have booked a hotel, but Audrey whines until Stephen agrees to stay with them for a while. He seems like a nice man, although a bit reticent. Audrey has arranged a dinner and invited Gail. Gail is scared of meeting her half-brother, especially as Audrey lied and said Gail ran a restaurant. But Gail and Stephen get on well over dinner while Aud and Alf are out of the room. Perhaps a little too well if you ask me. Gail was giggling like a school-girl in a sex education class and fluttering her eye-lids. My American friend thinks that Stephen is really gay, but whatever the story behind him, his arrival will change the lives of the residents of the Street forever etc...

Ken/Dreary/Alma/Mike

Alma, Mike and Dreary are having a drink in the Rovers (it must be so nice being a member of the "upper" classes of the Street) and Mike reveals, gloatingly that Denise has left Ken. Alma is ashamed, but Dreary rushes round to see Ken. "Why didn't you *tell* me," she gushes. Then there is the usual arm touching, and offers of help with the baby, although Ken declines and tells yet another character of his resolution to look after "baby" Daniel come what may.

Awards:

Best (worst) outfit: Audrey's "airport" costume. Will she *never* learn? What did those strange symbols mean? Had she had a tent altered?

Best (worst) actress:"Steeeeepppppppphhhhhheeeeennnn!!!" Guess.


Wednesday 31 January

Audrey/Alf/Gail/Alma/Stephen

Audrey takes Stephen round to the "cafe" to show him off. He is enchanted by it, but Percy starts asking difficult questions about Stephen's background. Audrey gets slightly flustered but manages to fend him off. When they have gone, Alma tells Gail that Stephen is gorgeous, and then launches into a long diartribe about how you wouldn't normally expect Canadians to be gorgeous (are you reading this Canadians?) as they have disadvantages like having to wear funny bowl hats etc. There follows a discussion of mounties and hockey players. Gail confesses that she is uncomfortable about people asking questions about Audrey and her "past." "Two children by different men," (although she forgets that her own children are by different men too, the dolt!). "It should be water off a duck's back," consoles Alma. "I'm not a duck," returns Gail. That's right, you're a grumpy old camel.

Later at Audrey's, Stephen and Audrey have the "why did we never bother with each other much in the past." Relationships are referred to using the "one way street" metaphor a lot. It turns out that Stephen has been to England before but never bothered to visit mummy. Then the Platts arrive and Stephen says "Suddenly I got relatives," and the viewers feel *so* sorry that he happens to belong to this particular family.

Maureen/Maud/Mike

Derek and Mavis are discussing getting a guard dog, and Des says that they had better not as he doesn't want it barking. A humorous anecdote is told about Angela and Norris in relation to a burglar alarm. Mike says that the government should give everyone guns to solve crime. He starts to get grisly, and Maureen who thinks he is joking rises in her seat and yells at him to stop. She goes to pieces and Maud tells her that she would never have coped in the blitz.

Vera/Don/Ivy (yes Ivy!!!!)

Vera and Jack are arranging a coach trip somewhere and Vera (and Dreary) later go round to see Don about it. Ken phones Dreary halfway through with questions about baby Daniel, so Vera goes upstairs to use the toilet. Then *yikes* as she is about to enter, a strange draught blows her chiffon- type scarft thing all over the place, a door swings and makes a creaking sound, and we have a close-up on Vera's horrified face. She runs out of the house, and back to the Rovers where she quickly downs a drink and tells Jack that she has seen the ghost of Ivy.

Don follows her, and is also told about the ghost. He thinks it is a joke at first, then decides that it is because of a "sash curtain" and a faulty window. Vera maintains (furiously) that it was a ghost. This is the most hilarious thing I have seen in ages. Don leaves, and as he walks back to his house, an empty beer can rolls eerily past him (is this a ghostly reminder of Ivy's past alcoholicism??) and the wind whistles. The spooky window is banging too, and a look of concern passes his face as he enters the house. Credits.

Awards:

Best line: (runner-up) Mike on crime prevention: "Instead of 999 it should be bang bang bang!"

(winner) Vera describing the coach trip: "We might even get to see one of those shows, Les Miserables (pronounced exactly as you would say it in English).

Best prop: Don's sun-tan. I love that bottle brown.

Best Actress: Ivy. Now in her spiritual form of a whistling wind, her acting is more believable than ever. I'm just worried about how, with this recent trend among the other actresses of late, will they ever get her to cry and have make-up running down her face?


Written by Paul Baker


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